Evening Star Newspaper, January 24, 1926, Page 77

THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, D. C, JANUARY 24, 1926—PART 5. § Various Forms of Advice Cover Wide Range of Human Experience Hitch“ing Posts for Devoted Husbands Suggested to the Doubting Beginner tor Salar: to that b They ing upper front not o fect ony. ot onid Lead any time ber was the An tawver left tooth. AS Lord Byron, the famous Boy but first make sure It isn't looking at what I could see of George, breakfast, in spite of many promises will readily understand what 1 mean. What I felt ubout him, owing to no dered how in the world I ever come to in advance that he liked magenta bath | and ving the Duke of York in-| plece of hair on the top of his head don’t he make it lay down, gosh. I'm | anyways, not unless they are hand- 1 I got to thinking about Love's blond, Miss De- edly made hers them hay perfec but in per. BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM. Plano-mover once said over the Radlo, "'Tis love that makes the world go ‘round, merely a mild bilious-attack!"” And how true that 13 occurred to me only the other day when I got to that's my husband, over the top of the morning's newspaper, which is the thing he most eagerly devours for 10 the contrary before marriage. And pretty mear any lad especlally if married for more than one annum, T was having one of them now-you've- got-him-whatter - you - gonner-do-with- him? attacks particular reason except 1 was too nsed to him, couldn't really all be set down, but to give a mild idea, I won- marry such o I must « E the tin it T could ever of known robe talked while brushing his teeth, what a world of sorrow I could of heen saved by turning him down stead: th 1 had ever met the| Duke of Yorl and he had asked me. | Also T thought. why does that little stick up afl the time, | mean Geo's | head, not the Duke's, he ought lo know by now it drives me wild, why | as bored as the Hudson tunnel, mar- riage is an awful cheese. I can’t see what women want with a husband some, romantic, devoted and well- dressed, like, for a sample, pretty near any husband except own. young dream and rand it was | after you such e that's en- | T thought, would be very way: their r of their hair the thought Also their thelr front in the right-hand 1 she was uets they mmp on your favorite num- | JE anyways. as [ sat realizing | 1 this, T felt more and more just couldn’'t stand George, his was 100 rrible. Why he never come home these past eight vrs. without singing out the same old song w cking his h W how's ttle thing?" That's| what the nerve to say, just ind new every he had I had picked together woull make & moun- | town Red of T'll bet 3ne dollar that the City sf C.. was afee in one 1ai; o1 ter But that had in my t morning. bered how each married he ha Ked what the roast chicken 1 pref never in my life have but the wishbone. Oh little things that matter It's the big, important f: see abo: wasn't ail the faul s I looked I suddenly unday since remem- we was part of ed, when I eat a thing it ain't the hout a man, ts such as should noticed by he put_down omething was - that 1 was taken extra 1il he done extri pains. instea , T gotter beat i € and 1 could tell at on, that he was going t me. ch he did. so wouldn't velunteer no unwonted kiss- es, and ¢ went to catch the elght-ten, leaving me to brood over how I had lost my hold on him, and anyways he was a brute and I didn't s¢ coldly, by his actions forget to kiss | natural I to lore myself In my nd when I was just about 1P to my neck in it, with my head still out and gasping before the final |1t jon the installment plan with the ac- | time to spare, | come right on in “OR A BALL AND CHAIN WORKS PRETTY WELL.” plunge. what would ring only the| doorbell, and when T went thinking was the man for the installment on our radio which we had bought | cent on the stall, well anyways it wasn't him but that bottle blond, Miss Demeanor, the very one I had | been thinking about how lucky she was. And of all things she was look- ing as if she had been in a overdraft at the bank and got a terrible chill, something. Why dear, how sweet vou look, T says, come on in, I am Sorry to have vou catch me like this. And she says oh don't apologize, I am so glad to catch you, have vou got a little T am so anxious to| Well naturally I then | was about to be of course, dear, Which she done. Oh Mrs. Jules, she says, I have come to you on account anybody can see talk to vou? realized ‘somethin, dished, =0 I sa: how happlly married you are, how g00d you and your husband get on, and what a perfect match it is, and etc. And I says well dear, yes, I admit we are kinda exception. And she s ves, you have held him so wond everybody remarks how | devoted he is, he Jjust thinks the world of vou, and I wisht you would | give me some good advice about how | have you done it ‘VP LL, believe you me, this was the last thing I expected, and no mat- | ter what the true cf mstances was, why no normal woman was gonner row away the chance of giving ad- vice along them lines. So I thought well, little she know the trge, in: story of my life, but why discourage her, here goes to keep her so's she'll stap in the trap. too. My dear, T says. I admit I've had a vhole lot of experience, and I'll tell vou anything I gan think up on such short notice, bl what is the matter | in your case? T thought vou and Doctor Salary was o happy. And she | savs oh we was, and I love him such a lot. only T am commencing o won- der does he love me any more? And I Sayve you mean any les don't you dear?” Well, what makes you think he don't or does? And she says well, he says he loves me, Lut T dunno, there was one night last month he dian't ! come {0 see me, and yesterday he only called me once on the phone at lunch time where generally he calls twice, before and after eating. And I says hum, well, that does look rather bad, dear, but you mustn't let suspicious ideas get in your head—do you think there is another woman? Well, T hadn't thought of that, says, but now vou mention it, he did talk to Central a awful long time the other day when he was trying to put in a long-distance call for me, and the rough things he said to her—why, she might of been his wife? And I says now, dear, you simply mustn’t get such absurd notlons, a though of course it is pretty near im- | eves like that for | @0 to hola him possible to tell if he sees her or not. when you ain't around. And she says oh my heavens. I never thought of that, but it's a fact, he does know an awtul lot of people I don’t know, he talks @ lot about a widow that's a old patient of his, I don’t know how old, exactly, In either sense, and when he speaks of her it's mostly about the back bills she owes him, but with men you never can tell, I'm sure if he prefers her it's nothing to me.” I'd let him go, wouldn't you, Mrs. Jules, or what'll' I do to hold him? How do women hold men, anyways? Naturally this very thing had been on my own mind a good deal that | morning, so I was all ready with my answer. 1 tell you, honey, I says, there are more then one way to hold a man. The first one is in your arms and it's_generally good for quite a spell. Then when it don’t work any more, why a good {dea is to dig up one of them old-fashioned hitching posts. plant it in a convenient spot, buy a good strong rope and collar, and stake | him out. Or & ball and chain works pretty well. [ knew a lady once whose husband was in jail for'a while and when he got out he bought the equipment for a souvenir, little thinking his wife would find use for it after he got home. But his eye fell on a blonde ucross the street, and I can't blame a woman whose busband has falling anything she may + x ELL, Miss Demeanor listened most careful to that, by the minute. Not, says she, when I give her the chance to speak, not. you understand Mrs. Jules, that I think T may really of lost him, she savs, all this business of going out on his rounds every day may be done just to | make me jealous, don’t vou think so? Why dear, certainly! I says at once. What you ought interest is simply show him you don’t re—let him see it doesn't bother you- And always remember there are as | good fish in the sea as ever came out of it. Sure, says Miss Demeanor, but try and catch one! 1 know, it took me yrs. working this one up to the point, |and even then he didn’t really know we was engaged until he éeen it in the newspaper! In that case, I says, have You got any letters he wrote vou? Why yes, she says, but what good are they to me uniess I can hold him? And 1 says if they are the right kind of letters just mention them— that ought to hold him for a while, And she says, oh dear, I dunno what to do—he's all the time telling me how much he loves me, and I suppose he does, but I want to be positive he won't notice nobody but me' And I says well, dear, you might try a meat ax or a mallet, lots of wives use roll- ing pins, but I personally myself don't consider them lady-like and be. sides it's a well known fact that capi- tal punishment never yet stopped any Interviews When BY STEPHEN NTIL tinguishi LEACOCK. travelers, dis- sitors and po- litical e s were in the habit of % each about his own particular ltne of life and the things about which he was supposed to know something. The re- anlt was fearful duliness A director of the Bank of Ensland would give out an interview about currency, an actor about the stage and a manufac- turer about cost plus, A& a conse quence every one of them got prosy and unintelligible. Tt seemed to me 1 f the thing could best be done in exactly the other way. Let ea~h distinguished visitor be asked questions about something that is outside of his own lne of life. A vaudeville comedian could give his mpression of French politics and an finglish scientist his views of women's skirts, The result would lend a freshness and a charm to interviews on both sides of the Atlantic I have tried it myself and here are a few samples of the results to show what T mean: BALL PLAYER A’ LONDON, Frida; outflelder and manager of the Tusca- loosa Base Ball Nine, passed through London this morning and expressed himself delighted with it. After he had had a run round town, Ed gave his views, at the Hotel Cecil. to a crowd of assembled admirers on some | of the things he had seen. i “What did you think of St. Paul's, asked one of the boys t's certainly blg stuff.” said Ed, “and it gets me. Those old guys cer- tainly kner how to build. And I want to teh you bovs right row that there's something about that building that you don’t get every day. 1 doubt g there are a dozen men in New York T. PAUL'S. 2d Lanigan, star % who could duplicate it ow does the political situation in England strike you? he was next queried. “Fine answered the big man. «They've sure got a lot of taxes here, But then, mind you, there's a lot of wealth, too. Of course things are pretty bad, but ypi'ne got to remem- ber &gy were bad before; and, any- way, they're not so bad. MOVIE STAR SEES RIVIERA. Gus Phinn, the well known movie ~@ar, who is said to command a salary getting madder | to do to keep his'| criminal except the one it was person- ally applied to. Besides, 1 personally myself believe that love is the great thing. Take I and George for a sample. We never have a mean word, at least not a word we don’t mean, if you get me. We are 80 happy, and he is just the finest man in the world. Why, there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for me. 1 consider I am the luckiest girl go- ing. Here I have everything I want-— a nice home, a lovely boy, credit at the Emporfum, hosts of friends, a adoring, devoted, romantic, well dressed, handsome hushand without & fault In the world, and why? Because I haven't a criticism to make, T never pick on him or find fault with him, or get suspicious. I trust him, tha what I do. 1 belleve in him, most of all 1 feel sure of him kv TTHAT'S the big secret of keeping a man's devoted attention, dear, never let no little. mean, petty doubts | and criticisms enter your mind con- | cerning the man you love, on account ! if once you do, why you will poison | your whole relations with him, see? | Remember, if he's got unimportant little faults like the way he bruskes | his teeth or fixes his hair, or some. thing, why them things don't count. i Is up to you to be content and | happy, and I'm telling you the truth, my dear, as it can only be told by one woman to the other. If you are con. tent and bhappy, v you will be con- tent and happy, see what T mean? It all lies within yourself, and lies con- siderably, my dear gir). Well. at that Miss Demeanor drew on her gloves and a long breath. Well, Mrs. Jules, 1 guess vou are {right. she say "hat you just told {me is very very beautiful and I can | see just how true it is, don't think I |can't. I knew it would do me good |to come and talk to vou T wanted | omething to confirm me in my own { opinion, and everything you have said to the contrary has done so. Thank you, dear, vou are & perfect darling. And I says, don't mention 1it, you sweet child, all T could ask for my worat eriemy is that she be as happy in her marriage as I and George. |And then we give each other a side- | swipe of a kiss and she went on off. But somehow dnd another this lit- tie talk got me to thinking a lot of | thoughts about T and George and how {maybe we didn’'t have things o bad. There was worse men in the world, after all, and I was pretty proud of mine when I compared him to some others L could name, such as Dr. Salary, and:Joe Bush and the Duke of York, and et. A. least I had him hooked, not as a mere uncertainty, and when the dear old thing come in that p.m. and velled out, “Well, how's every little thing?" in the cute, origi- nal, cherry way he has, I run to him wl{; 2 kiss of my own accord. Marriage may be the great love- cure, but thank Heavens we keep having occasional relapses' (Copyricht. 1026.) nd Become More Impressive Experts Exchange Topics THE COPPER KING MEASURED THE CONTENTS OF THE BODLEIAN LIBRARY AT OXFORD—“MOSTLY BO?KS"' HE SAID. of anywhere from half a million dol- lars, was a recent visitor at Mentone.. Gus is enthusiastic over the Mediter ranean Sea. “I want to tell you right now,” he said today, “that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the Mediterra- nean. “What did you specially notice about it, Gus?” I asked as interviewer. “Why, what gets me hardest is the color of the water. Say, I don’t think you can beat that blue anywhere. You might try, but you can't do it. “Do you think,” T inquired, “that the tone of English social life is de- terlorating?" No, I don't,” Gus replied. “I think the tone is good. T think it A-1 “What about the relations of Eng- land and France, Gus?" was another question. “They're all right,” the star answered. “We met & lot of French bovs on the boat. and certainly nicer boys you wouldn'L want to meet. Well, [ they're gentlemen. That's what they are. The French are gentlemen.” “What about Germans, Gus?” I ven- tured. “All right,” answered the movie man heartily. “We had a German at our table in the hotel, and they're all right. Mind you, I think we were per- fectly right in crushing them because they needed to be crushed. But they're all right.” COPPER KING AT OXFORD. E. J. Slagg, the multimilionaire owner of mines and president of Slagg Consolidated Copper, visited Oxford yesterday and was shown round the colleges. The big copper man, whose quiet taciturnity and power of silence have made him the terror of the Stock | Exchange, looked about him at every- thing with the same keen shrewdness with which he detects a vein of copper under a hundred feet of traprock, Only now and then he darted a shrewd gquestion or let fall a short comment. “This place,” he said, “is ol the threshold of the Bodlein ubnor; he paused a moment as it rapidly measuring the contents with his eye, _'r.\hxo-uy baokkslT' he asked. 3 ® copper king also paused - ment before the monum:n‘; .yeca'.a'"& the memory of Latimer and Ridley. What's the 1dea?" he asked. ut I soon learned that this new and brilllant flood of light Is mot . only turned on Europe. By a similar pro- cess 1 found that it is let loose on the American continent, too. BRITISH LORD SEES TUGS. Lord Tinklepin, who arrived from England on the Aquitania yesterday, was taken for a trip up and down the harbor in a fast tug. His lordship ex- pressed himself amazed at the com- merce of New York. “I had no idea of it,” he said. Passing by one of the car ferries of the Erle Rallroad, Lord Tinklepin expressed the keenest interest. ** at the devil is that?"’ he asked. On being told what it was, the dis- tinguished visitor, who is well known for his interest in physical science, at once asked, “Why doesn't it upset?” LADY DISCUSSES BANKING. Lady Mary Messabout, president of the Women's Federation for Universal Mutual Understanding, was shown round financial New York yesterday as the guest of the Bankers’' Associa- tion. Lady Mary expressed the great. est wonder at the Sub Treasury of the United States. she said, “that it's Lady Mary.was questioned by repre- sentatives of-the press as to her opin- ion of the American banking system. “It 1s really excellent, she answered—*"so little delay and such civility everywhe, “Do you think”—I asked—"that the deflation of Amerlcan currency would check the expansion of business?” ““Oh, I hope not,” Lady Mary answered warmly; “surely it would never do that. BARON VISITS WEST. The Baron de Vieux Chateau, who is visiting Saskatchewan with a view to seeing whether the richer parts of Canada would be suited for the poorer class of Frenchmen, was taken yester- Couldn’t Get Along Without the Radio, But It “Makes You Stay Home”, He Said BY BAM HEALMAN. HERJ'VE you been since Christmas?”’ anks “High Deme" Finnegan of me. “Snatching bedtime tales out of the afr,” I [ answers. “So you've fallen for the radio hop, too,” sneers Finnegan. “Why not?” I comes back. “Would you belleve {t? 1 got Miami the other night.” “What are they asks “High Dome, tate over the air? ““Some distance, eh?" I remarks. “Nine hundred miles, and I only got & two-tube set.” “That's nothing,” returns Finnegan, T know a feller that just put an ordi- nary ofl stove under his bed and got Hot Springs.” ““You better retire that wheeze on a pension,” I suggests. “The next time you take it out it's likely to trip over its whiskers and fracture all its arter- les. Why don't you get vourself a ing down there?" ‘Peddling real es- ecause,” explains “High Dome,” 1 ain’t got no yen'to hear how Joe Fox ot the Christmas pudding johnny Rabbit and"— “Oh, hek.” I cuts in, “there's a lot of stuff besides bedtime tales coming asks Finnegan. 1 answers. “you get music.’ ' jeers “High Dome.” Last week Jim Doak talked me into listen- ing in on his static box and I heard about eighteen orchestras playing."” “Wasn't it good?” I inquires. e ‘Brown Eyes Why Are returns Finnegan. “Every darn one of 'em played it before they got off the air. I finally begged Jim to get me something else besides music and he switched me onto the cattle market reports from Chicago and the numbers of the automobiles stolen in Detroit that week. If that's a night's amusements I'm President Coolidge's favorite diamond setter.” “You just had a bad break,” I tells him. ‘Last night, for instance, 1 heard some good music, a talk on books, the results of a prize fight and other news. trom “ITS GONNA DRIVE OUT OF THE HOUSE FOLKS THAT THE RADIO DONT DO ANYTHING TO BUT ANNOY.” It's gonna hurt picture shows and other amusements if folks stay home to listen in,” I continues. “No, s Finnegan, “and the weak part of the radio i8 that you have to tay home with it, and who wants to stay home nowada: People’ll keep buying radios for their kids and for their own amusement for a few min- utes every week, but don't worry about it putting anything on the bum In fact, it's gonna make people go out more than ever.” ‘How do you figure that?" I asks “In the first place explains “High | don't amount to anything. Dome,” “it's gonna drive out of the house folks that the radio don't do anything to but annoy. I met a cou- ple of radio widowers down in Jake Denney’'s poolroom last night, birds that couldn't stand the hop their wives insisted on yanking out of the air. “The bunk.” says 1. “For every one feller it drives out of the hut at night it'll bring fifty in.’ | other person does the music eeme from that the broadeast? Don't it come from shows that are going on in town?" “Lots of it does” I adwmits. “Well,” says “High Dome,” “ain't that gonna develop an itch in the lis teners to see the rest of the show” The night I was over to Jam Doak’s some gal made a spiel about the swell dresses she'd seen at the Ritz and those place. Do you think any woman is gonna be satisfied with having a dress described to her? She's going to take a look for herself and then she's go ing to make another trip outside of the house to buy one like it for her self.” ou don't seem to think,” I re marks, “that the radio is gonna cut much fce “In a way it will,” says Finnegan “but it’s not going to affect the habits of people any more than the phono graph did. It's just going to be an other piece of furniture in the house something that you'll use when there's no place to go. Nobody'd ever give up a chance to go out just to sit up and wetnurse n mess of rheostats and d batteries * Wen,” with my it = 5 comes back “High Dome “and litle Lizzie Lummox has been playing with her doll carriage ever: day since Christmas. Il bet you and the wife are having a Dattle every night about who should get the dif- ations.” s just as crazy about it as I I admits ure,” <ays Finnegan, “and slong about Washington's birthday you'll be having terrible battles to make the as if radlo was & set, every L been settng up night since I got You talk,” says I all it is” returns “High “T got no use for it at all.” “Come on over tonight,” I invites ‘and get yourself an earful. You'll Bl et e “A guy,” returns Finnegan, “that'd stay home to listen to the radio would stay home anyhow, 6o your objection Where | ‘Can’t,” says Finnegan ised Jim Doak I'd hear turns over his se (Copyright “I prom the fight re 1098.) Long-Distance Prediction Explained “When Weather Prophet Is Questioned BY RING LARDNER. O the editor: A trifle over mos. ago the writer published an interview with Prof. Gwatt the famous long's Island weather prophet, the writer being anxious to learn if the distress- ing rumors concerning the inclemency of the coming ‘winter's weather was founded on facts or hearsay. Prof Gwatt substantiated the rumors and listed certain infallible signs pointing to the coldest and toughest winter si that of last year and so deep rooted in the gen. public's belief in his chronic astuteness that 2 of my readers bought ticklish underwear, 12 of them went to Florida and Cali. fornia and the other one decided to “NO,” I SAID. “I HAVE NO USE FOR OXEN.” “BUT CAN'T YOU TAKE A YOKE?” SAID THE PRO- FESSOR. | | | | | ! T Dicia DO 2y~ & { having T “THE TROMBONIST BLEW SOAP BUBBLES OF DIFFERENT NATI end it all on the strength of Gwatt's dire® prognostications. The situation became very em- barrassing to myself as 1 was be- seeched with letters of vituperation asking was the interview real or a fake, what did I mean by writin such a hollow article and if Prof. Gwatt did make the statements at. tributed to him, why did he not now come acrost with a public apology— all because the winter so far, in this vicinkty at lease, has been milder than Fred Fulton and several Long Islanders has took up the practice of going to and from their work in the nude. Therefore, in justice both to Prof. Gwatt and myself, I paid him another visit this wk. determined to obtain an explanation of a weather predi by a football coach. I found the pro- fessor in his bath, on the edge of which sat Paul Whiteman's orchestra trying out new number: The first part of this 3d. interview had to be shouted above the blare of saxophone: trumpets and bath salts and perhaps neither of us heard very accurately. “Prof. Gwatt,” I began, swaying to the rhythm and running up and down beside him as he went from one end of the tub to the other, “my readers are a unit in demanding an explana- tion of that asinine prognostication you made in November." “Usually,” replied the professor, awkwardly attempting the trudgeon. “I dry my back first and my arms tion that might better have been made | B next. You will see at the proper time. it my feet 'ways come last.” “What last?” asked the trombonist as he blew soap bubbles of different natons. “Frankie Frisch slides feet fir; smiled. “I slide trombone,” replied the other, breathing mash notes in the profes: sor's ear. The room was now full of steam and Mr. Whiteman looked around franti- cally for his calliope player, but the last named had thrown up the sponge and gone home. “I thifkk Moran and Mack is next on the bill" sald Prof. Gwatt. “Singer's Midgets was coming, but they have canceled these kind. of en- gagements on acct. of so many of them 1 |what kind of a winter we i Leen lost through the waste i pipe But the 2 Japs also failed to appear and the show closed with a com picture in which & father finds year old daughter smuggling morp! into the public library and kills with a Lackawanna t ble. S said Prof. Gwatt as he gave over to the towel brandishers how is the big fella”" feel prettty good, H.M." I said “but my r s to know why vou made fat headed weather prophec: “Of course vou pened realize what " said the professor, dism oy w in the middle of his back u interviewed me, I was What did my servan: |say when she answered vour knock? Nothing about ick. She country, Gua T figured she temala, I think it was was trying to flirt. Lots of people play that convention, using the n of a c ry or a vegetable as an vitation to flirt.” ‘What my servant said to you, plained Prof. Gwatt, mala, but Gwatt ay mala, which is Bowdelee for Gwatt is sick. She never should of left you come in that P ex “was not Guate “I didn't attack of which ever: off your coodles. Tt is attack of it tak r So when you asked me s going to have, I told you the truth, but I was not referring to this winter, but to the winter o? 1926-27." My dumb look so amused Gwart that he laid down on the bath mat and did a series of etchings. “‘What are you doing, Professor? I inquired. “Etching.” said Prof. Gwatt. “Probably just some skin frritation 1 said consolingly. “I always etch after a bath,” plied. “But let’s romp.” At the end of a 13 hr. of such caper {Ing and rushing and tearing about as |Lhave not indulged in since 1904 (June) I accompanied the professor to the barn and helped him cozen his oxen, of which he has a dozen or more “Would not you ltke a couple of these fellows?" asked the professor “Why not drive a couple of them home?" “No,” 1 said oxen.” N “But can't you take a yoke?" said the professor. Soon afterwards I was on my way downhill to my little nest, none the worst for a visit with Professor Gwatt he re “I have no use for They All Started as Barefooted Boys According to the Highest Authorities BY ED. WYNN. EAR Mr. Wynn: I am engaged to a young lady and we wanted to get married next July. My employer is an old grouch and I'm afraid to ask him te give me a week off so I can get married. What shall T do? Truly your: BENNY DICK. Answer: Go to your boss and tell him you want a week off, but tell him you want that week away from work 80 you can married; then he won't think you want it § for a vacation. Dear Mr. Wynn: I have to write a story about Nero for my school ex- aminations. Who was Nero. Wasn't he the fellow who was always so cold? Sincerely, E. QUATOR. Answer: No, my child. You are thinking of Zero. He fs a different chap entirely. Dear Mr. Wynn: My husband works ———— day on a tour of inepection of the grain elevators of Saskatoon. “But they are marvelous!" the baron sald to me on his return to his Lotel. “They seem to me absolutely—how shall T say {t?—enormous.” In further discussion the baron said the whole system of distributing the wheat seemed to him excellent. When asked what slon of the Farmers' Co-operative Movement the distinguished visitor ‘|again spoke with enthusiasm. “But your farmers!” he said. “They are wonderful! What courage! What tenacity! To have come here and stayed It is wonderful.” (Copyright. 1926.) as his impres- | |as a night watchman, so I am heme alone and without protection. Last Wednesday a tramp came to my doer and to get rid of him I gave him a whole ple T had cooked myself. Fri- day night he showed up again. What do you make out of that? Truly your: IMA FRADE. Answer: Very simple. He probably did not eat the ple. Dear Mr. Wynn: I read the lives of five of the richest men in the world and, if what I read is true, they all started life as barefooted boy: Do you believe that? Yours truly, IKE ANTBELIEVIT. Answer: Sure it's true. In fact ne one is born with shoes on. Dear Mr. Wynn: Can you tell me what i{s meant by the expression, “hush money."” Sincerely, IMA NASS. Answer: “Hush money"” means the ‘wages that are paid to bables’ nurses. Dear Mr. Wynn: I hear you are a student of economics. I want you to advise me on one point. As an ex- ample, say that wheat was selling retail at $2 a bushel. Say a farmer sold 3,000 bushels of wheat to wholesaler. What would the farmer got? Your truly, E. KONOMIST. Answer: He'd get an automobile. | Dear Mr. Wynn: My brother and I were gumln' the roof of our three- i story house. My brother fell from the roof and lay in a heap on the (rlvund‘ I couldn’t get him aroused, so I sent for a doctor. The doctor examined him and then teld me my brother was dead. At that moment my brother shouted: “That's a lle. I'm not dead.” What do you think of that? Truly yours, ART TIST. Answer: Your brother must have been wrong. The doctor knows bet. ter than he does. Dear Mr. Wynn: I just arrived in town today and noticed some signs on the lamp-post. I am a little near- i sighted and cannot see what are on i the signs. Can you tell me what they are for and why they are up so high? Yours truly, 1. VORY. Answer: They are put on top of the lamp-posts so that people passing will see them. You are supposed to climb up the post and read the sign. If it says “fresh paint” then you know you shouldn't lean against the post. Dear Mr. Wynn: I went into a res. some “liver and bacon,” The walitress brought me some bacon but said I would have to wait for my liver until after the two men at the next table were served. What answer have you for that? Truly yours, PHIL HARMONIC. Answer: That is the toughest ques- tion I've had, but I've worked it out. The two men must have ordered before you placed your order. They probably ordered liver, the same as vou. She served them first because {she didn't want you to have your { “liver out of order.” Dear Mr. Wynn: I was talking to my best friend yesterday. She told me she kissed her husband three and four times every day. 1 told her I didn’t think that was so wonderful, as -1 knew three or four women who do taurant the other day and ordered | the same. Now she is angr Can you tell me why? _Sincerely, Y. B. MADD. Answer: Next week THE PERFECT FOOL. Ed Wynn. as he has often told you of the st men “i‘) the "worta? "re® v {all he knows il ‘Do’ you. think you ¢ stump him with ahy kind of & tetslon? 1t 70u do. send it (o him in care of the editor of this paper and watch for his Feply (Copyright. 1926.) Insect Destroys Pines. N the last few years tens of thou- sands of American trees—enough to butld thousands of homes—have been destroyed through the invasion of the great Pacific foresis by thy pine beetle, an insect that in less than one year can ruin the mightiest pine tree, says { Popular Science Monthly. Evidence recently submitted to the United States Senate committee on vublic lands showed that in a single section of 1,000.000 acres in Klamath County, Ore., lumber destroyed by the pests would have been enough to bulld not less than 8,000 American resi- dences of an average cost of $12.500 each. - S : Overambitious. Lady (interviewing prospective heip) —1 may tell you that we are vegeta rians. Girl (eager to be engaged)—I've at tended that church all my life, mum! “Johnnie, there were two apples in the cupboard. Now there is but one. Can you explain 1t7” “Tt was dark. mother. and Y smy saw ondg’