Evening Star Newspaper, August 30, 1925, Page 77

1 - 1 am talk- | BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM $ Buffalo BAll, the man who in- vented The Great Open Spaces plumbing old-fashioned and women are governors, once said, “The trouble. about going awa; =ot to take vourself with you. And how true that is come home 1o I and George, that's my husband, up with being a mere wife & mother. I dunno, T I am different ! from other I guess if T had artist, anyw I onct painted « bunch of pansies L dish and they was real good all except the flavor And when burnt_designs w style, T done the head of a_ Indian «n a leather sofa-cushion. At least 1gain it might of been a hen. it was kinda hard to tell when I got through, but anyways it had feathers. hind me, 1 get times when [ feel like T have been wasted on a domes- | tic Mfe, and that if 1 hadn't married | singer hot-rolling around in_Vienna, - else quite the Louy Cat's Whis. kers as a actress in France. Why I especlally in the bathtu Well anvways this da ing about was enough ready inclined that way. seemed | in the morning where if hadda | wash another dish I would ser meals 1 felt T was liable to kill the buteher if he hadn't by now invented some new kind of meat what I mean. on account every onct | in a while we all desperately hope that Noah had a coupla edible ani- overlooked, but the butcher will have | « nice fresh cut of them today | But the butcher didn't, as per ing room dusted for the eighteen | milllonth time since my wedding, who | would call up on tNe phone only| and whatter you know if she didn't | do so to say good bye, she was going on a little trip to Burope! broke up the last straw, for me, and when Geo. come home that evening why naturally I took it out on him. when he seen me. And I says old | lady, huh, that's what I'm getting to be and no wonder, the life I lead, 10 understand my artistic tempera-| ment. i And Geo. says aw come, Jennie, feeling myself. And I s yes, if vou're a artist, draw up a chair, I wanner talk to vou. And he says head, but spare my pocket-book, he said. So 1 where men are men, the some place for a change is that you've not very long ago when I got fed of had the ch I would of been when they washed off in some gr [ think it was an Indian but then So maturally with all this past be- | Geo. I might of been a great opers got a pretty good voice even now, | body upset, especially If they v “nd when it come to ordering Any married lady will understand | mals on the ark that had so far been | usual, and when I had got my lv-| Miss Demeanor, that bottle blond, | Well, that was the Camel which What's the matter old lady? he says| never going no place, and nobody | that ain't fair, I got some artistic shoot if you must this half-bald says, do you realize where we are | . says now lookit here, Geo. I| not getting any younger every day. and that we haven't seen the world | nor anything, and that we live about | as adventurous and romantic as a coupla stuffed rabbits? And Geo. says yes, sure I realize it, I often wisht 1 had been a sea- captain or run for Pres. or somg | thing. But what are we gonner db| about {t? he says, it takes money to travel and to_ get romance into a person’s life. Well, I says, we don't | live but the once and I personally | myself want to see something of the | world before they order my wooden kimona, I'd_certainly like to go to| China, or Ketchum Falls or some| place. And Geo. says T knew vou had some place in mind, you been read- ing about that Ketchum Falls ex- cursion, but nothing doing, it cost $60.98. T ain't going to spend the | Bng., all With news tagged on. 'HE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON, D. C, AUGUST 30, 1925—PART 5. Travel Without the Cost . I and George Discover That There Are Ways of Relieving the Monotony of Life That Had Previously Been Discarded. - HALF-BALD HEAD, BUT SPARE MY POCKETBOOK. "SHOOT. IF YOU MUST, THIS { money not when we got a_perfectly good home right here, but I tell you what, let’s go to the movies touight —what Well, what would any conventional wife s to a remark like that? Naturally I give in, thinking how perfectly hopeless to try and get some understanding out of a mere husband! To commence with Geo. knew I didn't care nothing about the pictures, I got fed up on them long | ago when we was first married, and I hadn't been in a picture-theater, , since Junior come, ays 1 hate feature pictures, s the same old dope, omedies, well, T see custard pies in full action right here In my own kitchen, but 1 will go if vou insist, better then sitting around and around in_the same old circle at home. Well, Geo. got out the flivver and I got out George's pay envelope, and we went on down town to the _new theater in town, and I will say it was real pretty inside. It was cool and clean, a whote lot better then the stuffy old place used to be there yrs. ago. And even while I had come determined not to enjoy myself and give Geo. any satisfaction, I com- menced to, as soon as the programme started. Well, the first part was a_news reel, and inside of 15 minutes I seen Washington, D. C., China, Australia and the prafalgar Lions in London, And then come the feature, a story of old times in Eneland and Africa, with ships and fights and the sweetest love-story! And there wasn't no bunk about any of it. It made a person feel they was ac- tually living in them times it was all so beautiful, and yet at the same time so natural and real. The lead- ing lady was o peach, she was some- thing my own style. and what that poor girl didn't have to go through. A awful mean cat of a woman cer. tainly double-crossed her right, a party which looked considerable like my best friend, that Mabel Bush. k% FORGOT all about the theater, about Geo. and Junior, and wash- ing dishes, and believe you me, T was that girl in the picture, my very own anything is | 3 | And I'm here to tell the world that | with the gallus-slaves sailed out on self, for t%o whole entire hours. T pretty near died when my sweet- heart got captured by the pirates and beaten up. And when they took me and put me up for sale as a slave, I pretty near perished for shame and by tostinct, see, caught a good hold onto Geo. in the dark, to protect me. When them bi old stvle ships the ocean I felt like 1 was taking the very wind out of their sails, if you get the idea. It was a whole lot better then reading & book, on account A pe n didn't haf to dig through the descriptions by the hour, you seen the descriptions, by the minute But it had class, the same as a hook that is written careful, by. Shake- spere, or Elinor Glyn, or somebody. picture wasn't no more like the old style dramas I had seen before, then « one-piece dress is like a leg-o™mut ton sleeved costume, or a boyish-bob is like a_pompadour. Well, I kinda woke up outa a trance when the feature finished and the orchestra commenced to play, but Hot Bozo, I still dreaded the comedy. Yet when it come on 1 staved on account Geo. wanted to, and that eomedy wus as empty of pies as a bakery on Saturday night. It was lald up ip Alaska, but not laid up in the sense ‘of being sick. And while the scenery and etc. was | undoubtedly a take off on Eskimos, | North Polish exploriers, and etc. still | by the parody a person got a pretty | good idea of what it was like up there, with a laugh thrown in. I| dunno when I have laughed so much at anything since my mother-in-law sat on the fiy-paper. I always did like refined jokes. Well anyways, as I set there look- | ing at them pictures, I commenced to realize where this evening was the first time I had completely forgot myself in a long while. And I could see by Geo.’s face that Geo. was having a good time, too. After so many yrs. of married life why naturally I can tell even in the dark pretty much what he is thinking. *x e ! JT auin't take much detective work socked the villain, Geo. was taking or how, when the prince brought the beautiful lady a charfot and a bunch of jewels, George, the old dear, was slipping me a limousine and a hand- ful of flexible diamond bracelets, and saying here old lady are a few trifles to throw around, you never expected me to make good like this, didja. but 1 asked the boss for a raise to- day, and he says to me, why a raise ain't enough for as good a man as you, Mr. Jules, we have decided to take vou into partnership and hope you will accept the presidency of the Goofnah Button Hole Co. at $1,000,- 000 a vear. Anyways, I could teil where something like it was going on in his mind. At least the picture certainly had a awful good effect on Geo. He ac- tually stuck his arm through mine as we come out, just like he done when' we was first going together, and he give it a little squeeze. Well, old lady, he says, that was pretty good, eh? I certainly enjoyved it. He even looked rested instead of more tired. And when I realized this, 1 also realized something else. That the trips a person takes through the movies, is the one place you can go and leave yourself behind. When we got home Geo. was still in his Iam-the-King, frame of mind. Say Jennie, he says, T been thinking over what you wus saying before supper tonight about we not having any romance or adventure in our lives, he says, and about our travel- ing and all that, and I guess maybe you are right. We can't afford go- ing to China or Paris, but I guess if vou really want, I can scrape up the price of that excursion to Ketch- um Falls, he says. Well I let that one filter real care- ful before I answered. Then I shook my head. I dunno, I says, but that all the romance and adventure I need can be got from the pictures, after all, T says, and that maybe a little dash of housework in between super- features will not alone steady me, but be a actual relef. While when it comes to travel, why dear I see by the program that there is to be a big Mexican picture next week and I don’t want to miss it. Il tell the world I would rather go to Mexico for 60 cents, then to Ketchum to see where every time the hero one out of that mean office manager, $60, any day. - (Copyright. 1925.) “Talking About the Coming Fall Styles,” Says Twin, “Bank Rolls Will Be Slender” BY SAM HELLMAN. ERE'S some good news for you,” I remarks to the wife, Tt says in the paper” “Fair cuts in the misses. “No,” I tells her. “Fair and fatter. Tt says here that it's going to be styl- ish to be stout this Fall.” “Who says so?” snaps Kate, “and what do I care? “The info is spilled by some boob In Paris,” 1 explains, “and you should care on account of the fact that your chin is beginning to run to triplets.” “Don't be silly,” comes back the fran. “I lost five pounds on that milk diet I been on the last month.” “Maybe,” I admits, “but if you hadn’t gone on it your chins would probably be organizing a quartet by this time. But you should worry. This French baby says that you got to wear vour rags this Winter like You was poured into ‘em, and it won’t hurt none to spill over a couple of chins.” “Style or no style,” says the wife, “I'm not golng to get fat for no- bedy.” ““Oh, yes, you will,” I jeers. “You ‘wasn't going to bob vour hair two vears ago for nobody: vou wasn't going to wear a one-plece bathing suit for nobody: you wasn't going to paint your lips for nobody, you'- “Those things are different,” inter- rupts Kate. “8o’s your grandmother.” T returns. “You'll do just like the other hens do. 1f it should be stylish this Fall to go around town with one shoe and your nose painted green you'd be right ‘with the mob. Pigs is pigs, but women is sheep.” “I'm glad to hear you say so,” re- marks the misses. 'Why?"” 1 inquires. ‘The only way I can tell if a thing isn't 80,” explains Kate, “Is to hear you state it as a fact.” “I suppose,” I sneers, “you don’t believe what I been telling you about this fat racket this Fall? Here, take a look!” and I passes over the paper. “I don’t care what the paper says,” comes back Kate. “I'm thin now and I'm going to stay that way.” ‘“Oh, very well,” I surrenders. ““That suits me. I won't have to buy vou no clothes this Fall if you don’t ‘wanna get fat enough to fit into the new modes.’ “Oh, you'll buy all right,” shoots back the raisses. “On account of the miflk diet I been on nothing that I sot fits me no more, so I'll have to get_everything new. “But you oan't,”” T assures her. “All the new stuff is going to be for filled-out fillies, and"—— * %ok om «¢] THOUGHT,” cuts in Kate, “that you sald T was fat"- “Yeh,” says I, “but not quite apough. Now be a good feller, gal, and fill out just enough to pour your- self into the stuff I bought you last Fall. Business ain’t been go good this Summer and the bank roll's down to a sltm whisper.” “What an idea that is,” scoffs the rau, “that X should reduce or pick 13 and warmer?” i “IT DON'T SAY,” I RETURNS, “BUT I GUESS LONG GREEN, ALWAYS THE RAGE, BUT THAT'S A TOUGH BREAK FOR YOU.” IT'S up weight to fit your bank balance! You remind me of Mrs. Gizzizzle and the trouble she's been having with chauffeurs.” “How's that?” I asks. ““About every month or 50,” returns the wife, “the chauffeur was leaving, and every time she got a new one she’d have to buy a new livery. Now she’'s out looking for a chauffeur that'll fit the livery of the last one. That's the way you are; trying to scale me up or down to fit your B. B. Why don’t you work it the other way? “How?" I wants to know. ‘By putting a little fat on the wal- set,” suggests the frau, “and letting me keep time to that. If you'd stop putting weight on bookmakers and bootleggers you wouldn't have no trouble when'—— “Talking about styles,” I cuts in, hasty, “what do you think about this? It says in the piece I been reading that green is going to be the rage this Fall.” “What kind of green?” asks Kate. “It don’t say,” I returns, “but I guess long green. It's always the rage, but that's a tough break for you. “What is?” inquires the misses. “Green,” I answers. “You'd look swell in green, wouldn’t you?” “What's the matter with me snaps the frau. “You'd just look awful,” I assures her. ‘Any other color makes you look like a million dollars, but in green you'd look like a cross between a whosit and a whatsit. You just seem to be out of luck this year—you tta. be fat, and you've gone and inned yourself out: you've got to wear green and you cin'ty in ‘‘What makes you think,” asks the wife, coldly, ‘that green would be so terrible on me? DId you ever see me with a green dress?” “No,” I admits, “but you're a blonde this season, aren't you?" “Have I been anything else any other season?” comes back the misses, haughty. “No,” says I, “but it's this season we're discussing, and you know as well as I do that green and yellow don’t mix. You'd look like a. parrot in a green dress with that tow-headed topnotch of yours.” “When,” inquires the wife, “did you] get to be such an expert on color schemes and styles? I thought you didn’t know nothing about colors ex- cepting blue, red and white. Have they got green chips in the poker games now?” “I just been kind of studying up,” I tells her. “You got to remember, Sweet Verbenia, there’s nothing that interests you that don’t i me."” “With the reverse English,” sniffs Kate. “All I got to do is to develop a yen for white for you to go cuckoo over black. What's in back of this fat and clothes talk of yours? Are you really broke and trying to stall me into last year’s clothes?” “Perish the thought!” I exclaims. you had one it perished long ago.” comes back the misses. “To tell the truth,” say 1, “I'm not so terribly flush, but I'm not much in- terested in the money end of jt. I want my wife to be right up to the minute in dress and appearance, and I'm just a little peevish over the tough breaks those Paris style hounds are making for you. I got half a mind"—— “You and beih your brothers haven't that much,” interrupts Kate. “I got a fraction of a mind,” I goes on, “to take a run over to Eu- rope and start something.” “Why not?” returns the wife. “You've never been able to start any- thing over here. Let me see that paper!” I hands it over. “I thought so,” sneers the frau. “Know where you been reading that style stuff?” ‘Hugh?" I asks. “Where?” “In the ‘T'wenty-Five Years Today' column,” snaps the misses. (Continued from First Page.) Cormick Bay, stating that the money of his friends had been invested in the project and that he must ‘make good" to them. A unique and beautiful memorial to Admiral Peary recently was erected by the National Geographic Society in Arlington National Cemetery. This monument, to the south of the Tomb of the Unknown Seldier, is a huge spheroid of granite, representing the earth, on which are hewn the out- lines of the land and water masses of the globe, and a bronze star is placed at the North Pole. Thousands of members of the Na- tional Geographic Society when in ‘Washington visit this memorial, which they helped erect, and take pride in the fact that they also had a part in Peary’s attalnment of the Pole—an achievement which looms ever greater as the Arctic is being considered as an airplane route of the future. Members in Washington visit their society's headquarters, they view the notable and varied collection from Chace Canyon at the Smithsonian, and they learn that their society’s maps are used in Government departments, ‘with a proprietary interest. Their loy- alty and their support alone make their society’s work possible. ‘The society’s members feel they bhave made enduring contributions to the Nation in their society’s preserva- tion of America’s wild life and scenic beauties. Through the soclety $100,000 has been contributed toward the preserva- tion for the American people of the glant sequoia and redwoods of Cali- fornia. * ok k% S a result of a National Geo- graphic expedition to the west coast isiands of Lower California, the Mexican gvorenment has declared Guadalupe and Cedros Islands game reservations. Already the fur seals of these is- lands had become as :’:f’lomt a8 Ba:; passenger pigeon, the ang lar's sea cow. Fortunately the ele- phant seal remains, a curious animal which probably is a seagoing survival of dinesaur 3 Ago | engineers and chauffeurs don't mean Sorrows of Super-Rich Desperate Problems Which Must Be Solved Seem to Make a Life of Luxury in Summer Time Not Worth the Trouble. BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. URING this Summer it has been my privilege to do some visiting ‘in the clan of the super-rich. By this T mean the kind of people who have huge estates at such fashionable places as Nagahucket and Dogblastit, and up near Lake Owatawetness, where the country is so beautifully wild that it costs a thousand dollars an acre. Even people who had never had the opportunity of moving about away up in this clan know more or less the sort of establishment I mean. When you visit one of these houses you al- ways pass a “lodge” with a bright bed of flowers in front of it. which is a sign that the house itself is now only three miles away, Later on the symptoms begin to multiply. You see a log cabin Sum mer house made to imitate a settler's home and built out of cedar imported from the Fiji Islands. Then presently there is a dear little waterfall and a dam of great slabs of rock, built for only a hundred and fifty thousand doliars and supplying electric light worth forty cents an evening. After that you pass Scotch garden- ers planting out little fir trees and go through a zone of woodsmen cutting birch billets for open fire: nd chauf feurs, resting, and there you are all of a sudden In front of Dogblastit House, standing beside its own lake. | with {ts own mountains and 10,000 acres of the finest natural woods ever staged by landscape gardeners. Now you would think that the peo ple who live In these great places ar happy. They are not. They hav troubles of which you and I and the ordinary people never dream. They come out to the wilderness to rough it, and to snatch a brief four months’ vacation between the strain of the Riviera and the pressure of New York, and then right in the happiest seuson of the Summer they come up agalnst desperate problems. ‘The particular ones that follow were related to me at Dogblastit. But I gather that the same difficulties are met in all establishments of the sort. They are discussed in all the conver- sations among hosts and guests, just as cwe discussed them last month around the birch fires in the lounge at Dogblastit. % % % PROBLEM No. 1.—What to do to amuse the butler in the evening? | It seems that he doesn’t play bridge. The butler who was here last year was always quite content if he could | be provided with a game of bridge, | and except for a run to New York | now and then and a trip to see his brother in Vancouver in the middle of the Summer he stayed on the place without a break and seemed quite/ satisfied. But the new man Jennings doesn’t care for cards. He says quite frank- | ly that it is not a matter of con-| | S0 far e o “WHAT TO DO WITH THE GOVERNESS WHEN NOT GOVERNING— WE'VE TRIED SHUTTING HER UP IN THE GARAGE, BUT THAT 1S DULL.” science and that he doesn't mind cards in the house, but that they simply don't interest him. So what can one do? Problem No. 2.—How to get the chauffeur's collars starched? It ap. pears that there have been very great difficulties at Dogblastit about this. It is very hard to get the right kind of gloss that Ransome likes on his col- lars. There is, of course, an_electric laundry in the basement of Dogblas- tit itself, but unfortunately the laun- dry maids who do the work in it will not undertake any collars over 11 inches long. They say they simply wou't undertake them. The experiment was made of bring- ing up a laundress from Boston, but it was found that ghe wouldn't under- take to starch anything at such a high altitude. She can only do her work at from 500 to 800 feet above the sea. Bevond that, she said, she céuld do nothing. They tried also sending Ransome's collars by express to New York, but this was quite unsatisfactory, because the éxpress people threw them about so roughly. More than once they re seen actually throwing the packet of Ransome's collars right from the platform of Dogblastit sta- tion into the express car. The only feasible thing up to now has been to have Ransome take one of the cars and drive his collars either to New York or to Philadelphia. The objec- tion Is that it takes up so much of his time, especially as he always lik drive his hoots over to Burlington, Vt., once 4 week, where he can get them properly treated * ¥ % ROBLEM NO. 3—What to get for the cook to read on Sunday? The trouble is, she doesn't care for fiction. She evidently is a woman of literary culture, somehow, because she said one day that she had read the whole of Shakespeare and thought it very good. In the library of Dogblastit it- self, which is a really beautiful room done in Japanese oak with leaded win- dows to represent the reading room of a settler’s cabin, there are practica no books that suit the codk. In fact, there are nothing but the Blue Book (one needs that to look up people in) and the Pink Book and the Red Book and of course the Automobile Rude | Book and then some Guide Books such as The Perfect Bartender and the Gentleman's Collar and Cocktails for All Occasions. Beyond that there are, of cous all the new books—the new fi tion—because there is a standing or- der with the bookseller to send up 50 pounds of new fiction by express once a week. None of the guests of the house ever care to read any book more than three weeks old, as they are quite worthless for conversation. An_order was sent to Boston for the Harvard Classics, but the cook says she doesn’t care for the way the are sclected. The only compronise 1y | is to get her | She South Ses says crazy over the South Sea litera So we have given her Six Wey the Marquesas Islands and Kour Days in F1ji, Half Hours in Hoo-Poo But all that will only last her less than seven weeks, and after that we don’t know hat to do. Problem No. 4.—W the governess when s ing? This has proved up to the pres ent a quite insoluble problem. It is 0 hard to know just what to do with Mademoiselle aft finished governing the ch can't, so it is felt, have wing room and 3 her? We have in the garage, but open weather we the plazza, but she there into the billiard room where the guests only plan seems to be to give her somewhere a cozy, lit tle wee room for herself, r at the back of the ash-house, underneath the laundry. ok THE problems I have named are the principal one: ones that a! ways recur in an ge house of class and stan lot of others : 1 I ne treat in detail. For example, t the difficult questior how to Robert the und kitchen. she to do with not work has We en her in is apt to get from keen this was only keeper after T up and had been ir When you bring a m: bring him down And who fs it the jewelry? W any fuss or di But another diamond ring went last night and one feels that something ought to be done My visits with my fashionable friends have been so much disturbed by perpetual conversation on these problems that I have decided to give them up altogether and to get bac into my own c some friends wooden house on there is no ele |20 miles and whe | water out of a b They have coal-oil lanter by: they wear flannel collars 3 | pass the soap from one room to an ther as it is needed the firewood, keep more than on hand, and th because help can't know ten diffe canned salmon I am golng back there. that 1s the only real old Summer stuff that is worth while. I was brought repor: ert had ha a where within rain island light use up on it and have never |of it. Anybody who ltkes my room and my tiled { blastit, (Copy Why a Person Ought to Be Tickled to Death To Be the Last of the Race Left on Earth BY RING LARDNER. O_the Editor: One point the Bible and these scientists seems to agree on is that the human race ain't going to last forever and sooner or later they will be just one man or woman or child left on the face of what has been so aptly turned Mother Earth. This being the case the first question that naturally springs to a person's mind is will it be me and if so wottle I do (by Irving Berlin)? To begin with of course it would take quite a wile to find out that you | was all alone (by Irving Berlin). If your telephone is anything like our one you could not make sure that way because sometimes we can set all day with the receiver to our ear and not get nothing but static. You would half to write letters to a great many people, even people you do not know, and when the letters was all returned marked no one here by that name, then you would have some circum- stantial evidence that the population was about gone. ‘To make it conclusive all that would be necessary would be to put up a sign in front of your house or place of business saying no parking here and 1f nobody parked you would know for sure that the human race all but you had perished. What next? At first glance the question of food would seem like the most serious proposition a specially 1f you had never learned to cook, but on second thoughts you could live on sardines or go down town and get your meals at the automat as long as vour change lasted. As for trans- portation the absence of motormen, that they wouldn't be no st. cars, This ungainly creature sheds its cuticle instead of its hair. It has a snorelike trumpet call, made by blow- ing the end of its trunk full of afr, like a toy balloon, then placing this resonator in its wide-open mouth. As a result of the society's explora- tions at Carlsbad, N. Mex.,, a cav- ern of exquisite beauty and vast proportions was added to the known natural wonders of our continent, ar i upon recefving the society’s repor: President Coolidge promptly set aside the cavern area as a national monu- ment. One of the most romantic adven- turers of our times, and one of the most useful, is the plant explorer. Dr. Joseph F. Rock, who earlier loca the chaulmoogra tree that yiélds a leper-healing oil, led the society's noteworthy expedition into Western China. The Chinese-Tibet border is thickly settled, seldom visited, and abounds in plants readily adaptable to the United States. Dr. Rock's major finds were a blight-resisting chestnut tree, now being cultivated experimentally by the United States Department of Agricul- ture; many kinds of rhododendrons, some of which already have been planted in our national parks; and the discovery of natives practicing the rites of a religion that thrived before Buddhism came. To do nis work Dr. Rock braved the aboriginal tribes of Yunnan, China’s “Wild West,” and was in the thick of bandit raids and revolutions. He traversed a hitherto unexplored gorge of the Yangtze, deeper than the Grand Canyon of the Colorado. Once he wrote home despairingly, “God knows whether I ever will come back alive. One night he slept in a dilapidated village temple, full of coffins. Iis native guard deserted him. Outside the town was a thicket of poles, each bearing the head of a native victim, caplured in the daytime raids. At another time he wrote: “There is no end to robbers. When moving out of this place anywhere, one gets an escort of 50 to 80 soldiers, most of them ex-robbers. One is at a loss what to do, as they may turn brigands on the read, or, if on¢ trains or taxis left and you would be a poor fish if you could not learn to drive one or the other. Further and more I can't think of nothing more pleasanter than driving a taxi around town without caring nothing about what the meter sald or whether the slgns was go or stop. The last person on earth wouldn't half to shave if they was a man, bother about their hair if they was a woman or wash if they was a kid. He, she or it wouldn’t half to work be- cause they wouldn’t be nothing to spend money on. No matter what time you got home nights or got ur afternoons they wouldn't be nobody to bawl you out. All and all a person ought to be tickled to death to be the last of the race and the only disadvan- tage I can see would occur if you suddenly thought of some very funny remark and nobody to tell it to. Per- sonly I haven't much hopes of the honor falling my way as I am pretty sure of being outlived by Rockefeller, Depew and Thaw to name only 3. * % ¥ ¥ T PRAC‘I‘!CALLY every town in the . 8. and a specially New Eng- land has got some point of interest which a visitor must go look at it or the home folks ain't satisfied. Like for inst. they’s the Bunker Hill mon- ument in Boston and the birthplace of Glenna Collett in Providence and the home of my sister-in-law in Hingham. Well any way a party of us was recently up to Stockbridge, Mass., as the guests of the Crowninshield boys and having a pretty good time what with golf, bridge and one thing an- other when all of a sudden one of mine hosts says before you go back home you must go through the Ice Glen. What is the Ice Glen he was should meet active brigands, he fears his soldiers will join them. “Yesterday there was a complete eclipse of the moon. You should have heard the yelling and screaming of the people. The whole village ran about llke mad, beating gongs and drums, and howling. “The people said a huge frog was eating the moon up, and they had to make all the noise they could to keep the frog away.” * ok ok & IT was another National Geographic expedition that, led by Frederick R. Wulsin along the China-Mongolia frontier, discovered the blond blue- eved tribes of China, These were one of & number of aboriginal non-Chinese peoples — lost tribes of early Asiatic migrations — that Mr. Wulsin found in the um- mapped Kansu province. Mr. Wulsin's party made a part of its trip by camel caravans, and an- other party aboard a raft of 72 yak skins on the Yellow River. Most interesting of all the allen groups, perhaps, were the “To Runs,"” literally “‘earth men,” which is taken to mean aborigines or natives. These people flee from a camera as they would from a rifle. They seem to keep no trace of their ages. The women frequently wear woodcutters’ hatchets thrust in their girdles. Un- married girls have a pecullar head- dress of 20 to 30 braids, whl'ch hang loose all around; while a married wom- an wears her hair in & knot on the back of her head, covered with a little brass cap, which is held in place by a harness of red or black cloth. Another Kansu people Mr. Wulsin studied seems to show that woman's invasion of industry, easy divoree and “free love” are primitive, rather than civilized manifestations. The expedition, also studied the botany and zoology of this least known Chinese province. One tree, locally called a “red birch,” is a boon to traders. It has a shiny, brown, papery bark which s off in large, thin sheets, which are used by Tibet- ans and Chinese for wrapping butter and gther articies. LEDGE BELOW, WHERE YOUR FALL WAS PARTIALLY BROKE BY MORE ROCKS.” asked. Why he said it is a Gler between 2 big mountains where the temperature is always below freezing point Winter and Summer and even now in the midst of the heated term you can pick big hunks of ice out of the varfous nooks and crannies in the Glen. ‘Well we played golf in the a.m. and got all heated up and then come back to the house and bathed an? dressed, me in beautiful white striped trousers and white shoes that didn't ,These are a few high Mghts of the notable exploration work the soclety has carried on during the last quarter of a century. In addition, many of the society's members,” noted laymen as well as scientists, have contributed special articles for its publication. Among these member-contributors have been President Coolidge, Chief Justice Taft, the Marquess Curzon of Kedleston, Ambassador Jusserand, Alexander Graham Bell, George W. Goethals, ‘Theodore Roosevelt, Viscount James Bryce, Sir Ernest Shackleton, Sir Ross Smith, Joseph Conrad and many others. N To any one who has been the cor- responding secretary of even a small club, it must immediately occur that the correspondence of a society with & million members must be enormous. It is. There are from 6,000 to 33,000 pleces of incoming first-class mail a day! The soclety’s membership files form a gazetteer of the United States, since there is not a community of 50 or more persons in this country where there is not a member. Its foreign membership list includes every nation, colony, dependency and mandatory which has a postal system. Strange names and letters and forms of currency come from members in distant places. One member asked permission to reprint some of the phic’s material in & magazine of cutta, because, “in giving this permission you will not only do the editor a great favor, but also to the purda (secluded) ladies of India.” A Japanese member concludes a ‘Wishing' our magazine all success and ‘jeramon.’ Native word The ZR-3, now the Los Angeles, brought on its transatlantic flight nominations for Geographic mem- bership in Giengen, Wurttemberg, Germany. A member who lives at Nsawam, Gold - Coast, Africa, when asked to state his business or profession, wrote, “I was a king and am distool- ed. But now I am a man of easy circumstances.” TInquiries from ‘members seeking geographic informetion often re- e host 1 the gals and 1 foll out on the great adve go down in my : fun I ever had ov subsequent to the r pendix. To describe the Ice Glen in detail is impossible corroding to a man of n < Sufficient to say that the w through was to climb on all fours to the top of rocks that made the Woolworth Bldg. look like a rug and then tumble down to the led; why fall was parti by m which the surface of whic ) soft and smooth Dempsey’s left hand. Two or three miles of this and T wished you c d of seen my shoes and trousers to say a wd. in re gards to my shirt and face. As for ice they wasn't no spot in the whole joint where you couldn’t of broiled a steak by just taking it out of your pocket As we staggered towards the exit one of the gals counted on me 425 mosquitoes, 79 horse flies and 32,456 beads of perspiration. We met a corpse of Girl Scouts entering the Glen from where we was going out They had their stockings rolled that thelr knees was bare and they was all equipped with heavy blankets to wrap themseifs up when they came to the places where it was colde: When I thought of what the mosqui- toes, flies and heat was going to do to these innocent little lassids { would of broke down and laughed if I hadn't of been crying. If I can ever coax the Crownin shield boys to come out to Great Neck 1 am going to set aside one afternoon for @ picnic in the Incinerating plant. ture which will as the most )f the few da moval of my ay quire extensive research ed to know out-of-the-way Europe which could by bicycle. Another asks a thing as a man-eating Moths invaded a member’s Indlan blankets and he writes to know who can repair the damage. A clergyman from Mississippi wrote that he had been offered & pastorate in a Brazillan city and, be fore accepting, he wished to know the humidity, drainage, mortality statis. tics and the English-speaking popula tion. A druggist from New Hampshire inquired, “What kind of flea powder did the National Geographic Society's Machu Picchu expedition use?” This question was referred to the leader of the expedition, Hiram Bingham, now United States Senator from Con- necticut, who replied, “Much to our sorrow, we didn't have any.” A teacher writes a list of 1 tions which, she swered In reference school or public librar from: “Which ar lakes in the One wish places in ques cannot be an- books of her v. These range the six largest Unite® States?” and “What is the highest waterfall in this country?” to a desperate, “Where on earth is Mangrove Swamp, and what are all the foreign possessions of the United States?” One of the greatest services the soclety has performed In the diffusion of geographic knowledge has been its distribution of maps among its mem bers. Into the million member homes, and into schools and libraries, have gone as issued its series of continental regional and State maps. These large six-colored miaps, averaging 36 by 2% inches, in every case represent the latest, and most careful researches ‘When feasible, they not only embody physical featurez. but show other facts, such 1. steamship anc highway routes, products, climate and disputed boundaries. A map speaks so simply and clew Iy that the layman may not realize the months, “sometimes v of painstaking research, surveys, ploratiens and tabulations of data which 1t takes to prepare one of them,