Evening Star Newspaper, August 5, 1923, Page 67

THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTO MR. BOK RECEIVES OPEN LETTER FROM THE JAPANESE SCHOOLBOY By Wallace Irwin. To Hon. Ladies' Journal, Holland ™ yet America get Europe. Edw. Bok, x-editor Homely who were born in do mot wish see in too Dutchly with SAREST Sir:—A short time of yore I read in news-print how you so jinerously offer 100,000§ cash money to any person who | will find a way to make America stop making Europe mad. Therefore, Mr. Mr. Edw., I are writing this letter to win that prize for following intellectual reasons: 1—I have found the way. 2—1 need the money. Firstly T wish submit scnnet (poem) wrote for my Cousin Nogi. a Japanesc thi Following sion by is it: “O Mr. Bok, O Mr. With so much $83 in your Sok Why can’t you hitt annawful Nok Against the wickid Men who Shok By selling many a Blok O Stok To keep alive the Jabber Wok And all the Flok Who hold the Ship of Pe Or try to sink it with a T do not sippose this will win the Prize, but who can tell? 1f it happen to do so pleas 1o instid of Nogi who me nearly that much by the won R marriage 13 time, Trize are won by somebody 1 should love to be at Senate and hear Pre Harding read entitle “How to Keep Peace with All the World” while following program is enjoyed Si & grone by Senatore Borah. Girlish weep by Senator Lodge. War-cry by Senator Reed, "My work has soured Growell, “All are lost® Senator Johnson who steop down'and bite off his own leg. Yet if you are earnest, Hon. Bok, umplies, T as Schoolboys are admitted to this contest for cash. If . 1 do, But 1 could-not feel that 1000008 would make me very rich when com- parisoned with profits 1 could abtain in advance by making even a small- ish revolution in the suburbs of East Messopotamania. Howeverly Last Wedsdy a.m.. 13 minutes after I decide to Come Pete for your Prize, T observe Cousin Nogi eloping down street with one (1) hansom young Japanese surrounding his arm “Meat Furo, Jr.,” pronounce my Cousin Nogi with gentile teeth. ‘Howdoo indeed!” I narrate. “T am ackwainted with your father who is dead.” Hoping you are the same.” revoke Furo Jr. with salesmanship ey brows. “I have just arrived her to sell an LD. of great magnitude. I started it last 4th of July and it already have a pay-as-vou-enter membership of 411,000,000 persons, not including Russia, who are holding out for a special club rate.” “What are name of this Organiza- tion, if any?” T ask to know. “The Unfriendly Society of Nations,” he voluptuary. “It are a literary and business organization: object, to pro- mote hatred, patriotism and manufacture of munition & ™ 1 holla. “How could shoclk! such person like live without ce in Dok Rok?" versifaction nd same will time, it is T * BOK re so passionly fond that 1 have resisted essay life s 1o know 1f Japanese your name You are speaking pro-German lan- uage,” narrate S. Furo, Jr. “I are 222GETTING INTO THE GAME%s%% WISH papa had less money said Majorie Paxon to Guy Martin. They had met by plan clandéstinely, against .their wish, but they were in love. I“He would be more reasonable about you, dear, if he had less! 1 didn't like the way he treated you the other evening when he found us to- gether.” €¢ “He didn't treat Guy, laughing me at all! “He just replied me!” “That's it! Mone ‘everything—but it “Well, I've got enough money for us to start on, darling, if you want to take a chance with me.” “Oh. no! 1 just couldn't elope, or anything like that! We must wait. They say it's isner” " “L'WANT. TO. MARRY, YOUR P. UGHTER MARJORIES-GUY.-GLUNTLY, REPLIED, When that smart | the| ignored | T merely a salesman travelling to sell| an LD. that are already more popular| ithan Y We Have a Shortage of‘ | Fruit 1so we offer cash prize. | 15000008 will be donated next July 4 | to any person with best oration enti- tled: ‘How to Make Europe Hate Us | More.’ | 1t will be won by some Repub- {lickan member of Congress,” I dic }tate. “They know all the best ways. ! ndeedly they do,” ague Hon. Furo. “But this oration must snuggest some new way. “That will be more difficult,” 1 dis- | burs, “because almost everything jhave been tried.” GoT A o “l Nogi. good way “Let us coax Congress to axtend the 3 mile limit to London, ! Paris & Berlin where it will be legal ifor U. to search all { loons—— | “On! Horrors.” croke Furo with| | Barrymore throat. “It would not| ! work. Think what awful temptation his would be to American sailors.” [ “Maybe could interfere in the ! { Ruhr in such a way us to make Eng- land, France & Germany all mad at] the same time,” suppose Nogi. ! “Why should you try to improve u; ! perfect situation?” Furo require kind | of Harvard. “Togo, what would you| snuggest to win this International Hatred Prize?" i “I would elect Senator Hirum John- | son to be President and let Nature take its course,” I renig. | “I think you have won!" whasper | Furo. “But a * holla Cousin 1 we that would be useless,” I| orra. “l have already enslaved my brain for the Edw. W. Bok Peace Prire. I could not work for God and Mammal at the same time." | “Why shouldn't you?' require Furo Jr. “Hon. X Kaiser did." “Yes,” I dib, “and see what happen | s. By J. A. Maybe papa will come around all| right. Really, though, how much| money have you, dear?” No pecuni- ary query was ever made sordid spirit. They were having luncheon in a| | quiet restaurant. Marjorie, as she | asked the question, sipped her tea | daintily. He adored every tiny move- | ment her rare grace formulated. | “Well, T could raise $20,006 on a| pinch, from what has been left me. |And I think I have a knack of get- ’lln)l along.” in a less “Of course you have!” Marjorie's faith was absolute, although she| | knew nothing about it. “But $20,000! | Papa would call that ‘chicken feed! Why, only last evening, at dinner, when he had Mr. Strong, one of his | N | as you wish. | was to him. graphing kindling and marrying a! lady who rides a bysickle.” What plan have you got, to pulmote a love-affair America and Europe?” S. looking kind of Johnson nus & Hiram). “If 1 told you, if any, Furo ask it, (both Mag- 1 I dally 4th, “how could I know you would not tale- phone at oncely to Hon. Bok take those cash which are mine o gorrantee,” Nogi like girls. “You are worse criminals than I axpected,” 1 snarrel. extly you know you will be asking me to sign Treaty of Versails.” “Will our word of honor accum- plish nothing?" they require peevly. “It accumplish this,” I dib. “It con- vince me that you are here to steal something.” “He have been reading League of Nations too much for h# health,” snarrel Nogi with dog 100k to Furo. “Ah, well.” corrode Furo, f you are determined not to be honest I will have to do the square thing by you Then hark it! If vou will tell me vour peace plan’ I will tell you my war plan. Then when prizes are passed around we will go fifty. How doces that smite you?" “Quite fairly,” 1 acknudge. “Now clump around me, Nogi and Furo, while I tell you scientifick plan to op all fights & win a great quantity of Bok.” Nogi & curio eyes. give & you Furo my together chorus 3% Furo hug near to me with S GPIRSTLY.” 1 breeze. “you must know that plan to stop war must commence at the basement of civilization. Do you assimilate tha Well, the Are it not well known | fact that men must fight while wom- | (Copyrizat en must tend baby? Indeedly is! Waldron partners on business, they talked of spending $20,000,000 in one spot:” “Some spot, 1 should say. “They are quietly buying that block on Green, Hudson, Clinton and Vander streets for a new soap fac- tory—one of the largest in the world!” “Soap! What wonders are achieved in thy name! Well, little girl—my little girl'—we shall wait a while, But we can’'t wait for- ever, you know Their hands dropped to a meeting that no one could note. The pressure mutually thrilling. And they talked on, but it was love talk. *+* * ‘WO weeks afterward, having sent in his card, Guy waited anteroom of the elaborate offices of He spend his oldy age auto- | between | and | decry | in the | When Hon. Chris Columbus dishcover America in 1776 he find same candi- tion of warfare. Lady spank baby, gentleman chop enemies.” “We bave listened to history.” de- rail Furo. “But what comes after that”" “To stop warfare in all nations it are simple like burning wasp nest. Merely to know how. Then 1 tell vou how. If boy baby make war and girl baby make love, then something must be invented £top boy baby | from being hatched.’ Nogi & Furo stand ghast phenomenal. “But how to blackball all babies from earth?’ require . jr.. after breathing. “Hand me your ear!" Hon. Furo stood close to listen, and when I say something scientifick he fell down & had a faint. He had never thought of that. Nextly was Nogi's turn to do exackly There they laid in a row, completel prostratus from the brightness of my plan “You should quickest speed.” {turn to health So 1 have Hon. Bok. for tell thought are intellectual hair. From this letter you can see how nice 1 write, how 1 unstand poetry & languages and can repeat history with both hands. Therefore, if you wish know my secret, please forward 12§ advance payment & meet mé at Fujivama Druggery and Soda, cor. 4th & Main | St. any ght after $:13 K. Soda, | propr.. wiil hold the money while I xplan. Then 1 shall be siprised at nothing. Hoping you the same | Yours truly | HASHIMUR. 192 by to for that boy Furo, 1 derange. notify Hen k with croke Nogi after re- wrote you that situated this letter, the winning re A TOGO. in United States and Great RBritain orth American Newspaper | Alliance.) the Univeisal Soap Corporation, of which Hiram Paxon was president. Guy hardly expected the courtesy, but he was asked in. Hiram Paxon swung in his easy d his visitor, but his countenance was not cordial, and he did not indicate a seat. “Well, young | man, what is it?" he asked raspingly. | “I want to marry your daughter | Marjorie,” Guy bluntly replied. “You do, eh? Rather ambitious. | What is your vocation, if the question |is not impertinent Acid could | Rave been distilled from Hiram's tone. “I'm experimenting, sir. Haven't | yet fixed upon what I may really do.” | “A dilly-dallier, en? But that is a |genteel name for it. Well, young man, my daughter, for whom I have ambitious plans, may think something the same. | right under my | N, D. C., AUGUST 5, Y friends and I have just started a little soviet of our own. We got our op- portunity to begin owing to the fact that several of us were acquainted with Comrade Globenski, and he told us how and offered to be dictator. Comrade Globenskl used jto mend shoes on Grand street, but he said that he had grown sick and tired of the capitalist regime and bourgeois society. He said he had no wish to take part in capitalism any ! more. !"So when we had beard so muchj about the soviet and what it could !do, we went to Globenski, three or four of us, and we said: “Globensk do you know how to make a soviet {And he said: “I do.” So we sai How much will you take to make a soviet for us? And he said: “I will take nothing. The soviet is based on love. I will do it for love.” Then! he got up from his bench and kissed us. It was wonderful. The commencement was simple. Most of the prospective comrades lived in the same apartment house, so we simply sovietized the house; and declared it to be the common property of all the brothers and sis- ters. Globenski invited the proprietors of | our apartment house—if I may be| allowed to use a term which ought to have no place in the language—to become a member of the soviet him- self. This would cut out the cancer of rent, which otherwise—I am quot- ing from the comrade's handbook— would eat into our vitals. But so far he has refused to sovietize himself. But this is a matter that will right itself. Some of the comrades talk of getting him into the cellar on a dark night and sovietizing him with a piece of gas pipe. But imagine the striking change of life which our new communal method affords to us all. The whole building is now open to us all. We go where we like. Only Jast night| three of the comrades sat in my room | beside my bed after I had retired and| sang Russian songs by the hour. Un- der the old, selfish regime 1 should have slept. As it was, I didn't. e a comrade wants food, he takes I and saw Three nights ago T woke up lantern | ] { a comrade with a dark looking into my ice box of vou. 1 should worry about it if ! were not convinced that a girl's fancy is ephemeral. I heard you play | the piano and sing to her one evening iwhen neither of you knew I was in {the house. A mere girl thinks a lot labout such things.' I have casually !asked her about you, though with no | design whatever that you should be- come my son-in-law. She says you are also a beautiful dancer.” The contempt in Hiram's tone was meant {10 be withering. “And possibly you play games as well—say poker, for {instance” “Oh, 1 have played poker in strictly social environment And {also play tennis, golf and bridge.” “Ah! Quite accomplished! Appar- lently a young man of leisure. But {trom my slight knowledge of the urts lin which you assume to be proficient {1 doubt if you ever become a virtuoso tin any of them. Doubtless you im- agine that you can take the place of | Paderewski—who has become a poli- {ticlan—as a planist?” “Oh, no, sir.” “Possibly you think you can suc- ceed Caruso as a singer?”’ “Hardly. I'm a baritone.” “Maybe you can dance as well as some of the persons who are said to command large salaries in that field>" “Mr. Paxon, you'll excuse me—but I'm an amateur in all those things. And T have no ambition for public applause.” “Then what is vour bent™ “I'm thinking of going into i i { 1 i i ) 1 real “*Going is good!" Hiram laughed “But one has to start in anything, you know." * ¥ ¥ % IRAM'S laugh became raucous. “Say, young man, I'm busy, but | You've H I want to give you a pointer. ineard of Wall street sharks “In a general way—ves, sir. “Well, they're simple sunfish.com- | | he earns and lays it down on a jtle tads. |pared with the species in real estate. | I'll tell you something: My company has been trying to get hold of a cer- ila\n block on the west side of town, | where lax improvement has kept the prices low. We worked quietly and bought three-quarters of the block only to find that the most desirable quarter had been tied up on an option. There’s no record of the matter yet and we can't imagine who the devil could have got wind of our plans. You see what an opulent opportunity you have to ‘get into’ real estat “In-the language of the street, you mean what they call ‘a fat chance?” “Exactly that. A fat chance.” “Well, Mr. Paxon, I'm the one who tied up that quarter of the block. I hold the option. (Copyright, 1923.) Bird Migration. THE distanco which some birds cover in their migrations is al- most beyond - belief. The -golden plover, which breeds in the arctio re- ! gions, is known to winter as far | south as the pampas of Argentina. i tully 5,000 miles from *where it rears jts young. It is belleved that half lthis distance is covered in a single { non-stop flight. The birds are known to launch over the Atlantic in the vicinity of Nova Sootia, and there is only an occasional record of their being seen again until they appear in northern South -America. a greater traveler by far than the golden plover. It nests from Maine northward to with- in » few degrees of the pole. Those that go farthest north thus spend the summer in a land of continuous day. When the arctic tern migrates n the antarctic 1 530y heak Shs south pole, whers it again spends the other half of the year in perpetual daylight. The only time some of these birds experience full darkness is thought to be the few days they take to cross the tropics. Certain individuals of this species must travel Dearly 22,000 miles each meanin-theln-wigrationm .. .. 1923—PART 5. : OUR LITTLE SOVIET EXP BY A SERIOUS-MINDED MEMBER Stephen Leacock Records Apartment House Plan. T Ui LATHIITEY [ “I SAW A COMRADE WITH A DARK LANTERN LOOKING INTO MY 1CEBOX. “What is it, brothe “Cold ham, comrade, “Hast thou any ke, and take gladly,” 1 said. As a matter of fact, I had'eaten all the ham before he came up. But it illustrates the prin ciple of the thing. " 1 asked mildly We admit that the organization of | ence our little soviet is as yet incomplete. In beginning a soviet the real way is that the members shall all be united in a common and harmoni- ous occupation. Then the common product belongs to all. This is diffi- cult for us. So, instead of heginning in a complete wa, true . we have sovietized all our wages. ade Globenski explained to us how wages are soviet- ized We all bring what earn to Globenski and then it becomes a pool and belongs to all of the and sisters in common Every day night each brother brin Com we brothers Satur- s what little Ki and says And it, tablel in front of Globe ‘“Take this, little father.' benski says: ° tak brother.” And he does. One week one of the comrades ac- Glo- e little OUND three—Wenty has just received his third poke in the jaw. his eleventh kick in the shin and jab on the west ear. and is countering with loud vells for his mamma. No, this is not a report « fight inside a rieat I'm simpiy giving you some information on a scrap I've been watching from my dow. studio win- Across the way there's a patch green which sprouts a crop of young- sters daily after school The to the base Mostly lit- g0 down the last bigger boys ball lot. F¢ jweek I've been noting the adven of five of them. Four of them, husk sun-burned small savages, have forth there since school began fifth is a newcomer, a slight young person. by name Wentworth Sturtevant. He looks it. There is not the slightest doubt that the Benet test would prove Wentworth to be of much higher intelligence than his as- sociate: As if this were not enough of a handicap, the poor child i of those unfortunates whose cars are always clean. stockings neatly gart- cred and hair unmussed. It is a simple matter to see where voung Sturtevant, aged nine. will get off with his fellow man I have been watching his with interest Wentworth sumed with a passion to be one of the gang. His pale eyes fairly bulge with longing s he watches their scrim- mages and listens to their lusty darns and hang-its. 1t is probalby the fir time in his life that Wenty has been within smelling distance of a fight He would give his immortal Sturte- vant soul to be their leader. When he started he evidently thought the matter would be an easy one. He had a wonderful play plan. It was really a good sort of a game— Robin Hood up to date, as it were— and had someone with the requisite freckles, warts and dirt proposed it it would have gone over big with the original four. But the. plan from Wentworth was received with jeers. In vain he explained and cajoled and politely argued and tried to meet their criticisms. All he got (to quote the gang's expression) was “a bust on the chop.” he serious one career con- e VERY few of such busts ficed for Wentworth. His spirit crumpled. One spirited poke in re- turn would have convinced them that he could take care of himself. and would have “sold” his plan. But he wasn't sure enough of himself or the plan to give the poke. So there you may behold him acting as the com- munity foot ball, bitterly bewailing their cruelty, but making no attempt to quell it It is not difficult to foretell Went- worth’s future. Intelligent, amiable, polite, always - trying to intrench himself'in the good opinion of his fel- low men—and always failing. End- suf- ing at last an embittered nonentity | er- with no comprebension of why he has failed. A good enough man, with good enough ideals—but he couldn’t “gell himself” to the gang. 1 do nmot know who you are, my friend—tired business man, worried housewife, school girl or boy, lady of leisure or man “about town. But whoever you are, you have something to sell. That something is yourself. Upon your salesmanship of that one most _vital - commodity depends all your happiness. One -desire is common to all men and women, however diverse their in- dividual occupations—the desire to gain power over other men and wom- en—to make themselves necessary, desirable—to be - loved, feared, deferred to—to sell them- selves, their personalities, their view- points. That is the desire of little Wentworth Sturtevant. That is the desire of King George of England. And. thie same rulessphich make -for held | he answered. | had prize | of | l | that egg i | i i cidentally kept back half of what he and he was accidentally gas- piped the same evening. The coinci- dence struck everybody at once I It any comrade is without work | i makes no differ- He simply says to Globenski “Oh, comrade, 1 have nothing.” And Globenski “And what of that, oh, brother? What we have not be longs to all. Take, and take freel The thing beautiful that it makes one lose his taste for capital- istic society altogether. When « brother feels that he can work longer bourgeois society, | 11 that he has to do is to go before | Globenski and hold up his two hands Look. brother; 1 work And Globenski says: “I u don't and without pay, it s no in and sy no longer tice thac y Everything has to be said or done with little formulas like that. We et them out of the comrade’s handbook Of course zet the full good out of it ought to be able to read it in Russian. But we can't quite man- age it vet. We working away on no- we i ve are "NOW THIS 1S REALLY A DARGAIN. ONE OF THE NEATEST PROPOSITIONS YOU'LL ~—ete 4 for success or failure in King George | —or you. The sale of a personality is much the s or any other commodity. must believe sell. In You must sell it to yourself before you can sell it to the other chap. You must like beater. You must me as the sale of an egg beater First you in the thing you have to other words, believe that, best | tool for purpose. on the market. centrate upon that sale that., for the time, it the dominating adventure. Others may | laugh at you and deride egg beaters | —they may give you the emotional equivalent of a “bust on the chop,” but it muSt make no difference in | your attitude, save to intensify your | determination. You're out to sell! that esg beater—you believe in that egg Dbeater—you're going to make the other chap believe in that egg bester. And you do! That's the way to sell an egg beat- And that's the way to sell your- First, as with the egg beater, | you must sell yourself to vourself Do vou really believe in yourself, my friend? No, I'm not referring to | conceit. Conceit isn't belief. Con-| ceit is nearly always simply a decu-i rative blanket with which we coverl its it's the You must con- | so fiercely becomes | i self. our own weakness, fear and failure. Belief is infinitely deeper and nobler. It presupposes an unflinching analy- sis of one'’s own worth—a humility in the face of criticism—a staunch- ness of purpose—a fixed and steady aim. * %k * AVE you really studied this per- sonality which you wish other people to accept? Would you. like admired, | and respect that personality if you saw it housed in another body? Do you believe in its fineness. its cour- | age, its cleverness, its wit, its friend- liness and honesty? And what of l_hll individual \'lew~l poiat which you wish-othex pecpla. ta, | made some [ir LAINED it in the evenings, and are however away on in alphabet already Two of the comrades passed the six- teenth letter neck and neck last week stil] And lobenski is teaching us little phrases and are forging ahead orally, such as of my brother soon mean to.” - HERE have little about our amusements. Man brothers fond of playing and, especially when the broth- fron like d drink 2 per cent kwas play skoot, which i something like the of the the “Have “No, I the property but T mighty * been difficulties the cards ers have work ar desisted they outside bour- Eeo to th soviet s sit in s 4 Russian gam called were playing other night on a soap box by candlelight and I stood the & and when it ished one looked “Sorrow with one poker Two brothers skoot watching was all fin- said to me 1 And up and me, O brother have vour Sund vercoat . other sther; 1 leather slippe till Little me 0. little lost your patent grief with me i these have ers and sisters st organiza- think (especially working) that perhap: tion was premature. Possibly ought to have developed common moral synthesis (I am quo ting the handbook) thawe what we had. Perccmuty, 1 been feel- ing that the T had was all used up. We are thinking of selling our to who would like to buy one. In fact, as soon as Globenski comes we shall sell out. He had lgave us two days ago to carry our money—he it in a little black bag—to place. He said he was not sure of it. He said that ht knew a man who would look after it, a comrade whose word and s0 those who are our we a higher one th soviet therefore, anybody back had safer wa Globenski benski nd him the brot They fear that perhaps been seized by ounter-revolutio sacred d doesn't t and whose love to heart, n Some little troubled Globenski agents of the party. He h ever disappeared that seem is back fa has the ary | ne'd be 0k 14430 1 AL AARIRLGS LT v means of that difference to from other folks, don’t you? >u desire by assume leadership over them, and at- tain a measure of fame and power. Well, how much do you bank on vour a How much opposi- defense of it? to own viewpoint? tion will stand Have vou in sold yourself vourself? out of 100 themselves you Society turns down 99 men because they turn down. —Dbut wanting is as far as they They want to sell themselves get At the first touch of actual competi- they and begin to How many egg beaters would if you began to doubt and tion back down hedge you sell apologize for your egg beater at the You know one really You first unfriendly ecriticism? perfectly well that no wants to buy that egg beater. must use your utmost faith and de- termination to make them buy it By the same token, nobody wants to buy you. You have arrived with- out an invitation from society. The market is glutted with persenalities and viewpoints. With each genera- tion the congestion increases. You'll have to fight much harder than your grandfather fought if you wish to sell yourself. Can you do it? Do you really want to do it? Are you willing to standl the gaff—for there’ll be a lot to stand? That's the proposition you must consider as you face life today and every other day. On your answer depends your destiny. A million con- ditions, a million people will be against you. You alone may be for yourself all the time—if you will. 1f You believe in yourself and fight for yoursell and sell yourself to yourself, the chances are strong tha you'll sell yourself to others. But vou doubt yourself. though keep that doubt hidden in the secret recesses of your heart., sooner or later others will doubt you. too. and your place will be with the culls. X prsEHvRIce) most