Evening Star Newspaper, October 22, 1898, Page 14

THE EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, 2 OCTOBER 22, 1898 28 PAGES. ir showing how well-tratne? | 3 a te to leok it for them- | selves.” said tired naval officer toa Ster reporter, “occurred during the war | with Spain when the troops were advanec- | © against the Spanish tines near San- -go. I get the stery from an officer fn | fr army who was there. As we all know, | ai obstacles encounters | bh embarrassed with their itement of the sied thems+!ves of almost | anteers and amrou- | nt of regulars—dismounted eav- | hind them under orders of the | acks, ponchos, blankets and effects. Now mark where & showed to an advan- | se men—cavalry—had been when one dismounted 4 no hor: oking out ES Was not forgotten; ren were {to cuard the temporarily | di mportant effects when a was over the mer: of this regiment provided for and ready for | Hat} from the papers that | ‘fered for lack of food on the elements because t articles ha een lost or | I , how trained soldiers act «in future cart Never | his re to, ana | a i f interest, per- | I give it for what it may be | i} ‘ ne * | less Pp is to a great extent f the future,” explained an ord- | > rier. ‘There is | hat © some time, but ts n no complete success in th ne. Nearly ail countries are ai | w on it, and s ists are gi is three } id and are , they are 1-fashioned tash, as f: for = nitro powder. owder, and, i, has There over ng k of black pow- up into cartridges. It cosis ently ut there is no reason Why | t should except that it is a novelty. It has | received th f vest | 1 of the sv i tor practical purposes =a : « so. During several d ir army Was actuai- were naude discern- and te: g discovered nt of wai n toothe tion among sin 2 well-kn “not which but be- | lawyers too m nothing ss man will wn but de- fa! facts in f the time ft | 5 don't use dir it is ions because “What are yours?” | thought of in legal hairs as to how au put to witnesses or answered by them. I have had two sieges of that kind in ‘he Cireuit Court before T got on the jury Tam now on, and if I can hetp it I will nev serve on another. It is Fad énough to have to listen fer hours and hours to unne-zes- sary evidence, but then one’s judgment fs further insulted by the arguments of coun- sel_on both sides, the theory being that ordinary people cannot understandingly try their elucidations and cx- imony. 1 can hon- that I hav> never got the slight- est information or idea from any lawyer's argument I have ever heard in any case that I have assisted tn trying, and other rors have said the same to me time and time again. The judges are tarred with the same stick, too, for many of their charges do more to cofpolicaté the cases than to straighten them out. for the charge is noth- ing more or less than a condensation of the arguments in the cases, and in many instances even as tiresome as the argu- ments.” tions should be ek Kk ee “Rheumatism makes more other disease, lars than any said a physiclan to a Star reporter, “though the people most affected by it are unconsctously affected, as far as their lying is concerned. Ordinarily ‘an at- tack of rheumatism, coming and going, lasts about three weeks. The second week is generally the worst as far as pain is con- cerned. The first week the sufferer de- votes to his er her own cures. They fail- ing to quict the attack and the consequent pain, the trying the remedies suggested by friends and acquaintances. As the third week enters, the sufferer in the meantime having about made up his or her mind to let the disease have its own way, having given up the hove of trying to cure it, the patient is ready to try as many things and second vari remedies as come along and generally does so, it matters not how nonsensical they are. One says wear a pewter ring on the second finger of the left hand, another to drink great quantities of water, another to consume a half dozen lemons a day, another to carry horse chestnuts in your ckets, and so on. By the end of the week the rheumatism has passed and praises are sung to every ear in favor of the last remedy tried. The entire credit is given the last thing tried, d while it may not have done any more scod than if the patient carried a brick in his overcoat or dr pocket if that was the particular thing last done it will be for all Ume heralded as a cure certain and reliable, Here is where rheumatism makes of peopl it is rare that a sufferer om _rheum: s ever told to consult a sician. vems to be the last thing rs tism That ses of rheumatism, though pearly the first thing in nearly all other attacks of disease. Curlous!y enough, in nearly all the springs, medicated baths and other sure cures the patient is told that ene baths or twenty-one days of ing the water is necessary. Here comes in the three » It is necessa me complaint, it has run its weeks again, and I sup- + It is at best a trou- nd it rarely yields un- course, to urn on til the slightest provocation.” —_+ WAR'S DOMESTIC USES. They Sometimes Stand a Man in Very iood Sten The m point nm was standing on the wharf at where he could see into the non- Potomac about two He was gazing down just as in- however, when the policeman spoke lucid depths of the © him. ald the officer in that disagree- able questioning tone a policeman seems to think he has a right to assume. 2 said the man with a wan out as Ww reum rll as could be expected tance t expecting that kind of answer it threw him off his clew. I mean,” he stammere i, “what are you looking in that water for?”” “I'm not,” smiles the man again, “it’s too ldy macky, I might Say, hav- in my family for washing, inking and plastering purposes for many ye guess you're all right,” said the po- ltceman, changing the subject ‘I don’t think I am,” confessed the man frenkly. “In fact I know I am not. My wife and I were just discussimg that point before T came down here.” “Well, what are you doing here,” inquired the pohceman quite as anxiousty as he had nade his first inquiry “I was thinking what a pity it was that ith Spa S over.” iverybody’s glad of it 1 not? when there nt sort of a good living for my bring her out of her t was a war, man that fe being makes all Ih rums w a ad n to quit work and go to th nt where the chances of staying while a widder woman was left at home to scrap along for herself and four small children I say, the war was the fe regulator on earth, but of course. It would have luck for a man like me. No, to quit, and now the best I can do is to tell my wife where I'm going and make a break for this neighborhood, at least three miles from home, besides the of it. Good-bye, I guess I'll be going back. If you see anything of a scart woman charging around here in the course of the next half hour tell her I’ve gone home, will you, please?" and he moved slow- ly off toward a street car. a Wants Quickly Filled. At this season, when so many are seek- ing situations, and, on the other hand, so many ing employes, It is of interest to know that advertisements under the classifications Wanted Help and Wanted tions ars inserted in The Star at a charge of 15 cents for fifteen words. it your intentions regarding my daughter?” HE'S ALWAYS SICK AT SEA paot es Cs “It is now nearlyjtwenty-seven years since I first. went to on a man-of-war,” said a well-known. er of the United States navy, “and I'vé'been getting seasick right along ever since. I noi only get vio- lently and hopelessly seasick every time I start off on a cruise, after having been on shore duty for a number of years, but I al- Ways get more or less seasick every time the ship to which I am attached weighs anchor and puts to sea after having been in port for ten days or so. Of course, I ton’t get quite as sick on these occasions, in the midst of a cruise, as I do when just Starting out on a cruise after long shore duty, but I get sick enough. I don't think i exaggerate when I say that since I've been in the navy I have been desperately seasick at least a hundred times, and just terribly seasick about a thousand times. And I am not the only one. I can name you, offhand, twenty high-ranking officers of our naval outfit who invariably get sea- sick when they start off on a cruise, and who never fali afoul of a choppy sea that they don’t long for some lodge in the wil- derness. And, by the way, a peculiar thing connected with the seasickness of these officers I speak of is that they are all huge men. I'ma pretty big man myself. I haveq therefore evolved the idea, based upon a great deal of experience, that big men are a good deal more liable to seasickness than smali men. [ve seen small shipmates get at the outset of their cruises, but, ence they get over this initial siege of mal- de-mer, the small men very rarely suffer from seasickness for the remainder of their cruises. I don't just know how to account for this, but simply state it as one of the results of my observations of seasickness. I've also observed that men with compara- tively holiow or not well-developed chests are practically immune from seasickness. I mentioned this to the surgeon of the last ship to which I was attached, and he told me that people who are consumptive, or who have anything whatever the matter with their lungs, very rarely suffer from seasickness. He told me the physiological reason for this, but I've forgotten “When you're about to start out on a sea voyage, and your wise friends who've been to sea flock around you and tell you what to do to avoid or throttle seasickness in its incipiency, you may just smile right in their teeth. It may be rude, but itll be justifiable. D'ye suppose I'd have gone on suffering from seasickness for more than a quarter of a century if there really were any possible way to stave it off? think. used, Hardly, 1 I've tried every scheme—that is, L many years ago, to try them—that suggested as a remedy for sea- and not a one of them holds it were. 1 can remember how | used to diet and starve myself before set- ting off on a cruise. I'd positively go into training for the beginning of the sea ser- vice, and get myself almost into pugilistic shape before the day arrived for the bo'sun’s mate to pass the word, ‘Up anchor? But it was no use. I always got sick, just the same. 1 dropped all that werk after several years of exp>rimenta- tion. My system now is to eat several huge meals er ashore or aboard ship, on the day We are booked to sail. If we're to sail in th> morning, I partake of a gar- gantuan repast on the night before, and in- variably drink a good deal more than I would under any circumstances ashore, and turn in with all of the planets danc- ing around me at close range. Why do I do this? Well, simply out of defiance. I fzel ard know that I'm due to get seasick, any- how, and so 1 get myself ints shape to get geod and sick. When I wake up on the morning that the ship is to put to sea, I feel rather seasick, anyhow, and when Ww? get outside and into the swell, I accumulate a specimen of seasickness such as I be- live is incapable of being paralleled in the American or any other navy. As long as ycu're going to get seasick, and you know you're going to get you might as Well get yourself into such shape that the thing can get a good, solid, grape-vine, Graeco-Roman grip on you, and nave the job done right. For, ths ‘sea-sicker you get, the better you feel when it’s all ever. I thoroughly believe this. If you cnly get moderately seasick, you'll probably feel pretty fair once you get up on deck again. But after you've been prodigiousiy and out- rageously seasick, you simply fecl glorious when you break out of your capin into the air—but your appetite, after sucn an old- fashioned siege, is very Mable to disgrace you.” ON GENERAL WHEELER. Joke of a Country School Boy at His axpense. You can’t most always swear to the stor- you hear,” remarked the Philadelphia “and I am not swearing to the one L heard the other day on General Joe Wheeler in Alabama, but it is just as good as if I did swear to it, so what's the diffe ence? It seems that once the general, whom you all know is only a boy's size, and not a big boy at that, had, in the course of his travels on one of his electioneering tours brought up in a remote school house, where, of course, he was called upon to make a few remarks to the scholars. ‘This he did in his be yle, and when he had finished he stwod by the teacher while that worthy id a few things, among them that time-worn Suggestion to the effect that when th of the school grew up they, too, might congressmen, like General Wheeler, such are the wonderful possibilities of this great and glorious country of ours. ie drummer, “At this point a long, good-natured, gang- ling gawk of a boy, about fourteen years old and about fourteen feet tall, “k up his hand, grinning sheepishly the mean- too” rtainly, iringly he inquired. Henry,’ replied “Just as much you a the teacher any other I reckon not,’ insisted the boy. ‘I reck- on I'll have to ungrow ef I ever run on that there ticket,’ nodding toward the general in house, amidst ucher and the a way that brought down thi the ssment of the t slight of the general. ea AN ENDLE CHAIN, A Eusiness Man Tangled Up With a General Utility Citizen. From the Detroit Free Press. “I suppose we all get caught at times,” remarked a well-known business man yes- terday, “but I have had an expsrience that was particularly mertifying to one who has been in business for forty years. “I received, some time ago, a letter from a party living in a little town in the west, no wanted a small bill of goods. Not finding his nam2 in either Dun’s or Bradstreet’s, I wrote the postmaster for the man’s standing. I received a very flattering letter in return, saying that the party I inquired about was one of the town's solid citizens and good for any amount. “This allayed any suspicion that I had, and I forwarded the goods ordered “I sent three bills before I received an answer, and then it was not satisfactory. 1 allowed the matter to run for some tin: and, at last, getting a saucy unswer in re- ply to a letter of mine asking for a sottle- ment, I lost my temper and wrote tne post- master a letter, telling him to hand the matter over to the leading attorney in town for collection, no matter vhat the cost would be. “It wasn’t long before I received an an- swer from the postmaster saying h> had followed my instructions and handed the matter to an attorney, who had succeeded in collecting the amount, put at a cousider- able expense. In fact, the attorney had a bill against m> for $25 more than he had collected, and that he (tne postmaster) had paid it ‘and would look to ma for the amount. “Here was a situation. I hadn't instruct- ed the postmaster to act as my cashier, but thinking that was the western way of it, and not caring to have the fool nostmuster lose th> amount, I seni him a check, and considered the matter closed. “But the other day I chanced to meet a party who formerly lived in that town, and I asked him if he knew the party who had beaten me out of a bill of goods. > said he did. He was a general utility man for the whole neighborhood. Ran a goneral store, kept the post office, and, when he could get nothing els: to do, took what business he could get as a lawyer. He added that he appeared to be making money, but it was a mystery to every cne how he managed it. “But it was no mystery to m2. T had seen a great light. He has an endless chain arrangement that will make him a fortune if some one doesn’t get mad and go out there and kill him.” (see. All Washington an Audience. The Star’s “Wanted Help and Situations” columns are carefully read by thousands @aily. Fifteen cents pays for fifteen words. PASSING QF GEN. JACKSON | (Copyright .ct898, by Hayden Carruth.) Written for The ‘Hvening Star by Hayden Carruth. { We were plowing along throvgh the mud- | dy water .pf the river at the rate of speed usual to a stgra-wheel steamboat when they came ung, sat down close to me—so close that, it was impossible not to their conversation. Indeed, they must have known that they were overheard, as the deck was,brightly illuminated by the full moon lookingidown ever the fiat-toppead bluffs. “L s'post things are jogging ‘long just “bout the same,’roand Poplar Mound, hey?" said the Younger of the two. “Just "bout. Not muci change. Ann Smead married Ike Patchley spring.” “How is the old man “Old Patchiey? Chipy Give the bride a calf. Rather more than Sarth Ann ex- pected, I reckon. She'd just about been counting on that old rattle-trap bugsy of his’n, I think. Well, the calf up 'n’ got a piece of punkin stuck in its throat a week ago, and laid down «nd just died, so she might better a-got che buggy. if one hind wheel is bigger ‘n the ocher “Phe old man is just the same. Boun’ tu stand in with everybody. Going to do the right thing if it kills him. Dunno if he kept a fighting cock when you lived there or not, but he has late years. That there rooster has been his only relaxation, as you may say. ‘The affection betwixt the old man 2ud that blame old long-legged red game cock was touching to see. ‘They was like brothers, 0 everybody said. For years them two wan't sca’cely separated. ‘cept nights, and I reckon if the old man cculd a-kept on a roost that he'd a flew up ev'ry evening alongside o° Gcn'ral Jackson. That was the name 0’ the eritter—Gen'ral Jackson. He just had the longest legs, and the reach- enest neck. Clean cut as the ace of spades and a temper like a buzz saw. And spurs! well, he just walked wide-legged and re- volved one spur round the other spur. The old man ‘sociated with the rooster so much that he come to walk just like him. Some folks thought they got so towards the last that they kind o resembled each other in their faces, and I reckon, on the whole, that the gen’ral did favor the old gent some, You didn't see it in the features so much, but their expressions was similar. “Well, you know how it was with the old man—boun’ to do the right thing and be up on soci'ty doings. He heard one day that the new minister was coming, an’ he just says to his wife that they'd have him to their house to dinner the first Sunday. His idee was to get ahead of old Johnson's folks. They'd got ahead on the school teacher, and the congressman of the dees- trick when he was stumping it. and old Patchley was bound they shouldn't rone In the preacher, too. So when the elder hop- ped off the stage Patchley made an sp- p'intment with him for dinner, come the y next Sundav urdaiy micrning the oli man shoulder- Ss gun and went out after game for Sarah son iast next day’s d.rner. Well, he didn't have no luck—come back without a thing. Come back late, tired out, plum beat. ifadn't seen a coon nor a "possum, nor even a roodchuck, por a pa’tridge, nor nothing, Hadn't seen a track of ene. nor a hide nor hair nor a feather, nor heard nor heard no echo of one holle: semewheres. He sot his gun down ha heavy heart when he got home. But he wa'n’t the man to threw up his hands—not much. N92, sir! He traveled right down to eld Doosaike’s market and struck the oid one holler, off men for a ronst—on credit. You know old Patchley ‘never was very forehanded. But old Daosnike shook his head. The old man offered te take a chunk of steak, or a beiling piste, of a slice of ham, and finally he got down te liver, but Doosnike wouldn't hear cf it—said’the old man owed too much already. But Patenley didn’t give up— couldn't, with that minister just hanging over his haad. ‘He went ‘round and tackle? all his nefgkbors for a hunk of fresh meat, or a chickén, cr something. Bat he owed ‘em all, and he} didn't get a thing—nothing but cold shevlder. Then he went home ani sot down on the end of the leach and bust Into tears.* His‘wife come out with the ian- tern. ‘Muriar’ says he, ‘the wuss has ccme to the wust. Them tears which na wet up tae ground all ‘round here are the fust I have sbed for forty mere. imme the ax and t don't stand thbre like a graven statute: Then he took "em and walked away to the henhouse, where Gen'ral Jackson was a- recsting: all alone in state, he being the only fowl the old man had ever took the treuble to keep. “When he come back to the house he was more calm. ‘The deed fs done,” sa ys he. ‘T would it had been that doggone preacher's neck instead.’ He was so worked up that he kind of talked poetry. ‘How old was he, Jesh? asks his wife, beginning to roll up ber sleeves. ‘He was nine,’ answers the old man, ‘and never was licked in i fight.’ ‘I think I'd better put him night,’ says the old lady; ‘that preacher's Jews don't look’ to me pow’ful.’ “By anl by she come back In where the old man was, looking sort of bewildered ke. ‘Wot is {t? asks he. “The j'ints,’ says she. ‘I reckoned to make a pot pie of him, but them J'ints are like trunk hinges.’ ‘He never licked in a fair fight for nine on to- there overly years.’ says the old man, sort of half to hisself. ‘Cook kim whole, lke a turkey, tuffed,” he gees on. ‘He can lay on ck, with his legs up—though he never dene it afore" and the old gent groaned. ‘Yes, I might do that,’ says the old lady: ‘only trouble Is them legs won't bend.’ By and by the olc_man looks into the kitchan, and the Gen'ral's legs sticking up out of a pot, Ke young trees just set out. ‘I thought you was a-going to bake him, Ma riar? says the old man. ‘So I am,’ an- swers ‘but I'm a-going to bile him three or four hours fust. You go on to bed.’ When the old man got up in the morn- ing he found his wife still in the kitchen feeding the fire, the Gen'ral’s legs stic ing out a crack above the oven door. ‘I broiled him a spell after b'iling him,’ say she. ‘I reckon he’s beginning to get tender in spots.’ When it was time to go to church the old lady went, but old Patchley stayed at home to mind the fire. It was a sad hour for the old gent, setting there in the shadder of them legs. But he chirped up when his wife got back, and when the minister come he was as chipper as ever. ‘Welcome to our humble roof, elder,’ says he. ‘You are just in time. Mrs. Patchley is even now bringing in the dinner. Be seated, elder,’ and the old man showed the preacher to his place with a great flourish and sot down hisself at the head of the table. Then he turns a little and calls out in a sort of melting voice: ‘Mariar, dear, fetch in the pullet!" And she come in with the Gen’ral on a platter, his legs a-waving and his spurs a-rattling together like a man playing the bones, “The old lady put down the Gen’ral and then sot down herself, and when his legs became still the minister asked a blessing. The old man pretended not to notice that the preacher's voice trembled, and begin talking with his regular flourish. ‘We hope, elder, that yer fond of poultry meat,’ says he. ‘Y-a-e-s,” answers the minister, kind of doubtful like. ‘Mrs. Patchley and me set great store by it,’ goes on the old gent, running his thumb along the edge of the buicher knife. ‘Brother Patchley, may I ask. the, breed of the pullet?’” says the preacher. ‘She was a Mayflower,’ sa the old man, reaching up and taking holt of a spur as he begun to saw. ‘I recxoned she might a-been a Leghorn,’ says the preacher. ‘Ha,.ha, ha,’ says the old man; ‘good joke. It is the way my wife has of cooking chicken—with their limbs on ‘em. “Chicken alay Mrs. Patchley” our friends call it,” and all) the time he was grinding away at the leg with one hand like a man turning a_gorn sheller, and sawing with the other. ‘She was well developed for a—a pullet,’ says the preacher. ‘Yes, it's the breed,’ says the old gent. “They are tall and rangey, but fine eating, remarkably fine eating,’ amd he was now standing up | and grinding and sawing and pulling and yanking like a,man rastling with a tame bear. ‘Juiey and fine eating, but a difficult breed to raise en account of their tender- ness. This here one was a reg'lar fa:nbly pet—had a name—Mollie,’ and the old man put his knee agin the table and give a yank like a wild hoss. The j'int busted, and the Gen'ral slipped and flopped a summerset like a bullfrog and gaffed the preacher in the neck with the other spur. It was too much for the old man, and he forgot his- self. ‘Hurray, he yelled. ‘Fust blood for the Gen’ral! He's dead, and hain’t only one leg, but he knows his business yet! Nine years old, and never was licked in a fair fight! Five to one on Gen'ral Jack- son agin the preacher!" and he begun to dance ‘round the table and shout for some- body to take the other end of the bet. But the preacher didn’t cotton to it a bit, and he got right up and wiped off his neck with his handkerchief, and says he: ‘You low wretch, I want no more of your hospertali- ty!’ and he took his hat and walked out, leaving the old man ripping round like a Injun, offering odds on the Gen’ral. But after a spell he got calmer, and then he laid the whole trouble to the old lady, say- ing she hadn’t cooked the Gen’ral right.” RUDE MEN WHO SMOKE A tall. thin young man swung* himself inte @he second seat from the rear of an open ‘east-bound avenue car at 15th street the ofher afternoon. He bad the seat all to himself, and apparently, he ¢idn't belong to the end-seat hog tribe, he tovk the middle of it. Then he applied himself industriously to the smoking of a tong, black. vicious-looking and ornery-smelling cigar that he had brought aboard the car. He was on the second seat from the rear of an open car, and he had a perfect right to smoke his cigar, no matter how vicious the cigar was. In civilized communities a man has the right to smoke firecracker punk if he warts to while seated on the last seat of an open car. The four stout, elderly, overdressed matrons sitting in the seat back of the tall, thin rank-cigar smoking young man, however, didn’t ap- parently know this. There ‘were three whole rows of vacant seats in the front portion of the car, where women be!ong, but they didn’t want those seats. They preferred to splutter and sneeze as if from the smoke, and to “roast” the tell, thin young man in their conversation with each other. “Well. did you ever see the like!’ said one of them to her companions. “A-blowin’ his filthy old smoke right in our faces, an’ without so much as a word of excuse me or anythin’. ‘Well, he ain't no gen‘lem’n, that’s all I got to say,” said another of them, in a tone that could have been heard all over the car. er-chew! My-o! Must ha’ raised in a pig-pen, he must,” put in the third. “He don’t look like he ever met no ladies in his life,” said the fourth. The tall, thin, young man looked neither to the right nor left, but went on with his smoke. with very great apparent relish. The clouds from his cigar increased in vo!- ume. and the four women in the seat be- bind him talked faster and louder. “I just wisht I had Tole or Zeb along with me," said No. 1. “If either of ‘em wouldn't jest kerflobberate that pig-pen- raised thing that c: self a man, I jest don't know nothin’ ‘Guess he left his manners home on the by-any, if he ever had any, whic I mis- doubt,” inserted No. 2. “It's a wonder to me that the company lets such beasis ride on the cars,” was No. 3's next contribution. “I'd hate to be the wife or sister of a unmannerly thing like that,” chipped in No. 4. ‘he tall, thin young man continued the enjoyment of his smoke with manifest zest, and the yellow clouds of smoke swirled from his evil cigar in quicker and quicker succession, Can't make him ashamed 0° hisself,”” said No. 1. “All hogs is hidebound,” added No. 2. I's a wonder he wouldn't feel cheap,” uld No. 3 Ker-wheow! in No. 4 At the corner of 11th street and the ave- nue a snort, pale young man hopped aboard of the open car and slid into a seat beside the tall, thin young man. They were ap- parently friends, for they immediately be- gan to talk in the deaf and dumb alphabet, using their fingers with extraord nary swift ness. The short, pale young man grinned several times over the signs the tall, thin young man made and looked behind him out of the tail of his eye. “Well, of all the waste o’ breath!” ex- claimed the four women in the seat behind in one breath. “He's deet!” “It makes no difference whether he's deef or not, he ought to ack like a gen’l'm’n, they then added in chorus. The tall, thin young man handed the short, pale young man a replica of his own vicious cigar, and the latter lit up and be- gan to add to the clouds of yellow smoke. Another!” the four women ejaculated, all together. “The pigs! We'll get right off this car! Conductor, stop the car and let us off! We're not in the habit of ridin’ with no hogs!"? The conductor looked mystifled for a mement. Then he had a gleam of under- standing. : ‘Oh, its the smoke you object he said. “The rear seats are reserved for smokers, you know. There are three rows vacant seats up front. I'll stop and you can go up there.” We'll do no sich thing! We'll git right off!” exclaimed the four women, again alto gether. ‘Then the hogs kin have the whole car to themselves!” The coaductor rang the bell, the car stop- red and the women bezan to pile off. ow, nogs, go on and smoke y'rselves to death!” sail No. 4, the last to get off, as she was about to step down. The tall, thin young man and the short, pale young man rose together in their seats, turned and faced the debarked wo- men, removed their hats together, cleared their throats, und saic The nasty stuff!’ chimed to,” “Thanks. Much obliged. Pleasure’s ours. Ccme again. Then they resumed their seats together, replaced their hats; the fest of the passen- gers grinned, and the car moved slowly on, leaving the four very wrathful women standing beside the track at the rear. — The Careful From the Detroit Free Prem One of the Michigan officers who was at the front during the brief war had with him a colored attendant, who was as proud of his place as though he were command- er-in-chief, and whose ideas of military discipline were as rigid as those of the veriest martinet. Owing especially to the thieving proclivities of some of the Cuban hangers-on, he was under strict command not to let anything go from the officer’ tent without a personal order from him. One evening, as the officer and General Wheeler met some distance from the the general said, with a smack of his “T hear, sir, that you , ine brandied peaches from home. Yes, general, they're prime, and I'm going to send you some. Meantime you had better stop at my tent on the way in and have my man give you a can.” When the officer reached his quarters he was approacied by his attendant with an elaborate salute and: “Did you tell dat Gen’l Wheelah, cah, dat he could call heah, and procu’ a can ob dem brandied suh?” E Of course you gave them to him?’ “No, sah,” with another athletic salute; “no, sah. I knows my duties, sah. T tone tole Gen'l Wheelah dat all men look alike to me, sah, an’ if he dida’ had no ohdah he couldn’ hab no peaches, sah, ‘less he oba’- come me by powah of supeiah numbers, sah.” Why, say?” a He jes’ grin and bo’ ft, sah oo —__—_— The Coy Coyote. From the Kansas City Journal “Speakins about smart animals,” said the real estat2 men, “I want to go on record as saying that there is no animal that can held a candle to the coyote for smoothness. When I first went out to western Kansas I had an ambition to kill enough coyotes to make a lap robe to send back to my friends in the east. I tramped all over that country with a gun, but I never could get nearer than within a mile of a coyote. I used to drive out in my buggy and hide th> gun under the seat, but it didn’t make any difference. Not a coyote ever got neap enough so that he could have been reached with anything short of a long-range cannen, Servant. P: received some vet “Yeu. you black rascal; what did he “One day I started out in a hurry and forgot my gun. I hadn't gone a mile from town before I ran onto a group of four coy- otes. The critters didn’t even take ihe trouble to lope off out of sight. They just walked off two or three rods from the road and sat down. and looked at me and yawn- ed. It made me hot to see their infernal impudence, and I made a dive as if I were going to get the gun out from under the seat. I thought sure I would scare them away. Wel!, maybe you wouldn't believe it, but those cussed coyotes never moved. They just sat up there and actually grin- ned. They said just as plain as if they had used the words: ‘Oh, you needn't uy to run any bluff on We are strictly onto our job.’ How they knew I hadn't tue gun I don’t know, but I have had great ro- spect for the sense of a coyote ever since. a oe = An Acquired Talent. From the Cleveland Plain Dealer. “Ma, Mr. Boxer was speakin’ about pa’s gettin’ a medal for the way he fought at Santiago, an’ he said pa wasn’t a natural- born fighter. “What else did he say?” “He said pa acquired it all since he was married.” “Well, you just run right over to Mr. Boxer’s and tell him I want to see him as quick as he can get here.” oe Situations Secured. Many situations are secured through tne want advertisements in The Star. The cost is but trifling. Fifteen cents pays for fifteen words. A Friend Indeed. There are moments of ecstasy dear to us all, | !et troubled wit mice and ,wants a nice « a me know. Some people demand the sublime, * While things by comparison modest and | Thi Gpat te Auncch dws - small an ae — eo 4 a And surely:a mus€ would be grim to refuse, | from a tomcien ahem, Mean: home again When autumn’s rude chill strikes your |.) |). aig cbs ae . a bunk, been to Phila dels ‘ rs pay de = A wee bit of meter to help you enthuse | pel espace said Colonel Stil When the heater goes “plunkety-plunk!” | 17 800 5 ner at the depot It was just as a goblin, sent straight ee “Do you allude to Phiadelphia as a for the pole, hee sho’? Took advantage, « -cidedly mean “No. But I could not restrain my + Of the dozing whicli fell on a world-weary | thusiasm as I thougHt of the dear old spot soul, | from which I have been separated for four A victim to snatch from the scene, jlong days. Tell me, colonel, tan’t ther And, chained to an iceberg, afar from all | some dear old spot that you jong for men, | which it would fill you with happiness t A helpless one shivered and shrunk, | eee once more While the frost-goblin fiendishly gibbered—) 1 teg pardon!” exclaimed her escort, and then | whose eyes had wandered to the world out. The heater went “plunkety-plunk!” Oh, sweeter by far than the robin’s first note That sings of the summer's fond reign When the bloom-tints awake in the orchard and float O’er the quivering branches again Is the warning that scatters a hideous | dream When at last the man throws in a chunk Of coal and prepares to provide us with | steam And the heater goes “plunkety-plunk!” * * x A Retrospect. “I was thinking,” said the man who had just given a deep sigh, “of the departed days of youth ‘Ah, yes,” answered his companion, as he stroked his lowny mustache; “youth is the ' sprintgime of life; the period when all our ideals are undimmed * “It is, it is. It is the time when the blossoms are fresh and fair, with no sus- | side the street The car colonel never picion of the blight which may come to | did like this young woman much, anyhow harm the fruit.” | “I say isn't there some spot for which “I suppose that when a mun gets a Iit- | You yearn at times; one whose mem iy tle along in years, say—er—itke yourself, | Peers Yow even aggre pectin Wr aged he'd give a great deal if he could only | vives in you disappointme nt and encour turn the clock back a decade or so.” ages you to struggle o} “He would. There's no use denying it;| “If you allude to reai estate, with cle- he would. He can't help feeling gloomy 's nme ye ovuh a grape arbor and over what he has lost; those daye when | F7tot Gciiberation “Tm efron pes a he thought that he could give Bismarck | follow you, owin’ to my having lived points on statesmanship, if he'd only take | at a hotel fo’ the last twenty years Rut the trouble to study a little: when he was | if you allude to the ace of trumps, I Jesiah certain he'd be able to give Rubinstein | to say that I sympathize in yo’ sentiments music lessons, if he decided to tura his | thoroughly and indorse them without sesas- attention to the piano; when he didn’t en- | vation.” tertain the slightest dcubt of his ability to * show Booth where his reading of Shakes- .* peare might be improved, and when he she looked up at night and saw a sky that Miomianitee 'PPovetiek: I teemed with undiscovered planets, wait for him to turn astronomer. He may have More sense When he gets older and not annoy the neighbors so much; but I d’no’s it's worth what he has given up.” * * * A Degenerate Walton, “I want a good, stout dishing pole, a reel and some fishing line,” said a young man with a weary look around the eyes. “Going fishing?” inquired his old friend, the dealer. yes, 9 ¥c “Any particular style of fishing?” With trappings that gleam ‘Tis a heartless master, the stub’ As for beauty you d ask no odds of the men who ride ke gold or envy the homes where they abide, or the lands by thetr will controtled or a.sense of freedom and joy pr as I look on high. mly an acre or so of ground, But billions of acres of sky rm sod and strive; ou must blast the quarry and break the clod Ive Ere gardens and towers may thrive. But my clouds with castles each night a “Yes; cat fishing.” von . eht are “I shouldn't think there was excitement Ani thn cuibinit whee tinny bhits enough for you in mer “I didn’t say I was hing catfish teh ¢ going to ¢ | | | fish. I said I was going cat fishing. My room fs right over a row of back fences. It is the old, sad story. The notse outside | There's only an acre or so of gre But billions of acres of sky Oh, the town ts great and the town is fine as a town can be, And it’s gay is like the choir at a Chinese funeral fr And the house on the height where the sun’ 11 p.m. till 5 in the morning. I am not crue ashine Is humble, though fair to me; But a universe seems to gather round, val m do I have always wanted a dog “Certainly. I’m glad he came. I was | afraid he might have strayed away. Name by instinct, but self-pr law of nature. Last night I begged a | little canned lobster from the kitchen and tied it to a piece of twine. When the rvation is the first noise began I lowered the twine out of the | care ¢ window and waited for a bite. I didn’t use | Le} a hook. It isn’t necessary if you give plenty of twine to swallow. It wasn’t long before there was a tug. I began to haul in, but the animal was so game that I thought I'd better play it awhile, so as to tire it | him Hee! | “But so many dogs are named Carlo, i “That mastiff, I th | not, but it seems From With joys that will never fly; There’s only But billions of acres of sky. an acre or so f ground, * * * Seeking Something Appro; Mr. Blykins had been reading his news- | paper and was looking thoughtfully at the cant wall, when his wife said: “Well, have you decided? You know I * said I would leave it entirely to your judg- nt Have I decided on what?” ‘On a name for the dog. You said you would think up something while you were wn town today s that dog still around the house Wh: he is. And I don't see ak of him in that way. 3 course should st “That's so common.” Well, call him Carlo.” ‘all him Pinkie.” isn't a bit ink,” appropriate. He's a You want something appropriate and un- usual?" U's see. That dog came into our quite unexpectedly; some of us favor of keeping him and some are a great deal easier to taks lim than it does to get rid of him. t's call him ‘Philippines. = Feelin, Puck. I don’t play gol remarked shrewd 91d and I paid out all the line I had. It was , Farmer Hornbeak; “but yet— the most desperate fighting I have seen | He paused to caress his chin whiskers since I was bass fishing in the mountains. | the while a dry grin wrinkled his compiexe I started in earnest to land it and had drag- | jon r ged it half way up the brick wall, when it | “jt makes me as tired as tunkett!" wriggled off and got away. It’s going to | take a lot of practice to land this kind of | game, and I want as good a rod and as | fine a reel as the factories turn out. I ex- pect to put in a great deal of time at this sport, and if you hear of anybody who is IT WAS THEIR For fifteen ce | Washin; | you want a situation or want a e+ ——- Cheap Publicity. ts you can let every one in ton know by a Siar want ad. that FAULT. Lobbsey—“Say, Hollins, I never noticed it afore. What ails them feet o' yourn?” Hollins—“My wimmen folks uster play “This little pig went ter market’ with ‘m too much when I was a kid.”—Lesley’s Weekly.