Evening Star Newspaper, September 3, 1898, Page 14

THE EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 1898-24 PAGES. “The thing very rerarke s for marksman: that is that uncerstcod is dier who ha had no practi ‘ar with Spain demonstrated one thoroughly far as it went,” er who wears two medals ship to a Star reporter, “and marksmanship as generally not necessary; that the sol- ve at rifle rangs makes as effective a soldier as one who has devoted years on a who di for it how it is not shculd be specially that i t in in t a sD dia rietions in res seldom be con ercrmous ex in hitt t was surpri hout ai apd othe “The weathe with ment experience of think, that ther> are man: @ year not mu the rk be three to six times a day. vhen th stay there men. ous substitute aciual warfare, would repay they teck A number of surgeons tried the vari- to target practice at the rifle want to be understood as soldier can much of a oes not know how to handle is absolutely necessary that to shoot. For effective ser- necessary, however, that he skilled in marksman- hat he can place bullet after ace the size of a target ten meter. There are no such actual warfare. It is only be nere is any fancy shooting to and in every case the target which point is a man. Tons and ard of g the past ten years, under d marksmanship, by e of the practice, and the uraged that the best marks- best soldier. The effect of . in that it discouraged many young men who were not s eclally skillful from remaining in time for actual ser- ing how few of smén of the National Guard kinds of engagements kept g in. Many of them were rs trivial. One of the results regiments entered the ser- ny of the most skilled mark with but few. The for nted but a few regi- targets hen the om doing the actual shooting that but those that did draw t into actual service did as dered as effective service as heir best rifle gallery * * T may have something to do St Office Depart- tar reporter, “but it is the i department y off days during as. the there s made with the work on lerks. The average clerk more than outsiders have mount of work that he accomplish in a and nothing gives than favorable com- jrones in the depart- . sin all other The department drone is ed by the other clerks as rtment cloc try from ball, ce to leaves of They be- 30 and nations as to In days pz ed their hearers with sirengt) ef their i of their political vice law did away e, for in latter more impor- it it is generally rec- less work though Saturdays son generally at Tues concerned. Wednes- the most work is done Department. and, indeed, in known as th S satisfi will do jot than hat the much more work during very cold «1 and delivered through 1 a representative of a turing hous? to half dozen big concerns which do not seek any 20 are in the habit i trying on a dozen f shoms if they desire have over purchaser by on growing. comes from nd country places, only a limited supply The need ° got accus- and who think a big manufac- lors2r, and who tter buying direct from ther than from mid- While the men’s shoe -orstantly on the in- » concerns which tried of the women’s work to keep it going, up as a failure. The t the ladies— ive m2 for telling re too particular, hat they are buying eir money. They re- order by they im- er had they drop the mail- ae a 2 ke urse, cached and that it ept in a few lines ade goods.” ik the army into Cuba,” urned army surgeon to a t if it was not for Gen- not have been in ali my ex- ry, where in m there wester cour as they took their meals, I ike jt. The soldiers said ento them. It was ut we were forced to €normous quantities. ten-grain doses from The boys kicked the deses and the fre- h they were given at first, ¥ saw that it was quinine or their medicine like s, but when they found that they were losing ground they returned to quinipe—w Sweet when there fs no other way out of a hole. 5 with ali of its bitterness is uu are fully convinced that Qui- gine creates a ringing in the ears in many Persons, and, 83 muc indeed, with some it causes music as the playing of a brass band, but there was not much complaint about it on that score. In most eases qui- nine was administered in capsules or pills, ut im a grea dealt out pla! with water. t number of instances it was in in a spoon, washed down Personally I was always clerks, I; d_and increas- | done on | people took their quinine | ' prejudiced against quinine and seldom used it if I could get the same effect in any other way, but there was no escape from it, On the whole I think my prejudice against it has been removet, for I took as much of tt myself as any one on the island, and don’t know that it did me any harm. It certainly aided me to resist the malarial influences.” ee kOe “The gas companies throughout the country have spent large sums of- money with a view to getting rid of the expense of lighting and extinguishing street lamps, explained an official of the gas company to a Star reporter, “but, strange as it may appear, with all the inventions and im- provements of modern times, the lHghting and extinguishing of street lamps is now just as it was when the street lamps were established, and men or boys have to be employed to go to each lamp to light and extinguish it. This costs a great deal of money in the course of a year.. There have, of course, been hundreds of appli- ances used to light and extinguish gas street lamps, but after being tried awhile they have been discarded. It has been pro- posed to run separate mains for the street lamps, independent of the house service. In this way the: whole supply could he cut off, but it would not help out in the matter of lighting. The expense, too, would be very considerable. As it would only do half of the work it has never been seriously considered. There have been dozens of schemes or systems of lighting and extin- guishing the street lamps with electricity, but as a rule they have been cumbersome and not thoroughly reliable as to their working. The electric street lamp has found its way into almost every city, town and village in our land, and there were many who supposed it would supplant the use of gas, but just the same it has not. and is probably not likely for some years to come, if it ever dges.” ee geen THE NAME ON THE TRUNK. Flayed an Important Part in the Life of a Boy. The two men were passing along 7th street where a trunk store had debouched upon the sidewalk, so to speak, and on one of the trunks sitting conspicuously front was a name written in good black letters. “I never see a trunk marked that way and set out in front of a store that I am not reminded of an experience that once came under my notice,” said the elder man. “When I was a lad of fifteen I had a cou- sin about my own age, who was the apple of his father’s eye, and a very fine chap he was, too. He was an only son and a lad of spirit, and before he knew the world at all he had fallen into evil company. He got no better up to the time he was seven- teen, when he disappeared suddenly and mysteriously, and his broken-hearted fath- er had every reason to believe that a gang of gamblers and thieves had got him into their clutches and were going to use him for thelr own purposes. My uncle imme- diately set out for St. Louis—he lived in the western part of Missouri—as it was be- lieved cne of the gang had come from there, though the headquarters were in New York. A clew was picked up in St. Louis, but was lost two days later, and my uncle had given up hope and was on his way to the depot to take the train home again, when he passed a trunk store, as we have done, and a trunk sat out in front with his son's name on it. He nearly fainted when he saw it, but managed to get into the place and ask a question or two, and then he sat down and waited, as they told him the owner had said he would call for it. But he did not come, and my uncle stayed till the store was locked up, and he was there again in the morning at day- light waiting for it to open again. At 9 o'clock his son came in, and when the young fellow saw his father the better part of him asserted itself, and before he knew what he was about he had flung himself into his arms and was crying like a baby. You see, the boy was all right, and the bad in him Jost its grip for an instant under the sudden assertion of nature. The father had a talk with him right there and show- ed him the true character of his new friends, and the boy showed how green he Was when he had had his own name written op his new trunk and never thought to tell the dealer not to put it out where it might give him away. Well, the end of the whole matter was the boy went home with his father, and his narrow escape from be- coming a criminal taught him a lesson which made a man of him, and he has been the governor of a southern state and | will one day be a United States senator, for he is worth half a million and is in a fair way to double it.” Se SHE KNEW JiM. There Were Good Reasons Why He Would Never Enlist. “Just about the time the war with Spain broke out,” remarked the veteran drum- mer, “I started on a trip through the mountain towns of West Virginia and Ken- tucky. Great enthusiasm was manifested everywhere in that land where there is so little of the eventful, and what struck me peculiarly was the nervous anxlety of the women. They were enthusiastic, of course, in a way, but they wanted other women’s men folks to go to the war, not their own. One of the mountain girls I had known since my trip of last season, and when I got back I expected to find her married to the young fellow who had been sparking her for a long time. When I met her at her mother’s where I took dinner, I thought I would jolly her a bit on her sweetheart. “ “By the way, Susan,’ I said, “I heard down in Siabtown as I came through this morning that Jim had enlisted and was going to the front with the first companies sent away. _ ‘“ "Is that so?’ she replied in that pecul- iarly indifferent way common among rus- tics. “*Yes, and there's a chance you won't see him again as the company is ordered to leave immediately.’ ‘Is that so?” and she never stopped her swinging of a peachtree branch that she was using as a fly-brush.’ ““Don't yo want to see him before he goes?” I asked with much dramatic effect, thinking I might move her that way.’ “She laughed a low saw-mill buzz kind of a laugh.” “ “Law Mr. Barton,” she said, “you don’t think I'm a-believin’ what you air sayin’ about Jim Short, do ye? Well, I ain't. Do you reckon I'd be green enough to think that a feller that would spark a gal fer four year and was too cowardly to even try to hug her on a summer night in the full of the moon, had sand enough in his craw to jine the army? No siree, Jim ain’t jined yit, and he ain’t a-goin’ to, till his feelin’s has underwent a consideribble change, er I'm ‘no jedge uv a duck’s nest. Have another slivver uv the pie?’ “I took another slivve: Seg eens The Drawbacks of Touring in France From Punch. Jones (coasting dov.u the hill at twenty miles an “Mcreiful heavens! I won- a the French for ‘good old fel- owl” RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED This government clerk sat on a nice hand-made cushion on hig front door step. He was in his shirt sleeves. He petted his dog, and he smoked a pretty, good cigar. He looked contented, comfortable, at his ease. And he said: “Friends of mine in this town, and friends of mine who are not in this town, but who come on here on gala occasions and use my good bed rooms and eat the good things I cheerfully set before them, often endeavor to make me world-weary and tired of my lot in life, by saying to me something like this: “ “How can you, a man of pretty fairish ability, of a decent front and probably of more than an ordinary amount of shrewd- ness, resign yourself to the thought of per- petually holding down a goyernment job? How can you crawl every morning into a big, overgrown stone building, loll and dawdle around there for a few hours, with- out really accomplishing anything toward ycur own advancement in life, and then crawl out in the early evening, carrying home with you the consciousness that in reality you're the tinfest kind of a cog in perhaps the most enormous wheel in the world—that if you were to drop out of that wheel at the close of your dawdling and lolling this afternoon, say, you wouldn’t be missed any more than a solitary little shrimp is missed that hops out of a can of bait?) How can you endure the monotony of it? How can you square it with your conscience to settle Gown to a dreary, un- ambitious career of this sort?’ “My boy, when a fool man talks to me in such a strain, I very rarely answer him at all. If I do answer him, I agree with him. T say, ‘You've got it right,’ or ‘That's @ fact,’ or something of that kind. The men who say these things to me, of course, are not in the government employ them: selves. They are in business, here or else- where—very few of them in business for themselves, you understand; but in busi- ness in that they work for other people. Well, I let them get away with their propo- sition that I'm more or less of a lunatic for having put in about twenty years in the service of one of the government de- partments. It pleases them, that propo- sition, and it doesn’t bother me a little bit. Hence, I permit them to sympathize with me, and I agree with them, and I say, ‘You've got it right, or ‘That’s a fact,’ or ecmething of that kind. “But have they got it right? Not by a durned sight, have they! I know what I can do, and what I can’t do, in this life, better than they do, Moreover, I know what I won't do. Likewise, I know what I don't nave to do, and what I haven't had to do ever since I had the luck to slip inte the employ of Uncle Sam. I don't, for example, have to bolt a hunk of bread and butter and scorch my mowth with a cup of hot, half-cooked, sloppy coffee, 0’ morn- ings, in order to get down town in time to open up a store at 7 o’clock a.m. At 7 o'clock o’ mornings I am usually slumber- ing peacefully and dreaming of purple meadows and low-laughing waters and murmuring trees. I don’t have to plow around a store with a pencil behind my ear from 7 o'clock in the morning until abcut 6 o'clock in the evening, getting my cuffs grimy and my temperature elevated. I don’t have to hang around a store until ali hours of the night, taking a quarterly or monthly inventory. I don't have to knuckle to trate customers. I don’t have to perpetually dodge ‘the boss.’ Not much, do I. When the hcur-hand of the clock is on the stroke of 4, after putting in a fair day’s work for a pretty fair day’s pay, I slam my desk to, and that’s the last the United States government knows of me, or cares to know of me, for another seven- teen hours. “When the concrete that floors the streets of this pretty town begins to get a bit soft under foot I write out a bit of a slip of paper and in a couple of hours Uncle Sa mhas given me permission to go off to the woods, or the mountains, or the beach, or any old place I pick, for a thirty- day whirl with my family, and Uncle Sam he pays the freight while I'm gone. If I feel dumpy at any time and want to snug- gle up in my room for a Gay or so—with the newspapers and magazines and my as- sortment of pipes at my side—the old gen- tleman with the red stripes on his pants for whom I work tells me to do so, and that he will fix It that my pay shall go on all the same. “Now, I tried the business game for a goodly enough number of years before IT had the luck to get into the service of the government. My boy, it wasn’t in it! I had to work like a Nubian slave from early morning until late at night. I got paid about $15 a week, on the average, but I used to indulge in pipe dreams about some day being a rich and prosperous merchant, a member of the board of trade, and all that sort of thing, just the same. .The firm that got five years of work out of me un- der such conditions then decided to go out of business, and {t was up to me to hustle for another jeb. A man out west where I lved, whose grave I deck with flowers every year, then put me on to this gov- ernmental ‘graft,’ to use a phrase of the Street, and I've been in a government of- fice ever since, and patting my back over it, at that. “Now, regard me. I don’t need to tell you what pay 1 get from Uncle Sam, but f don’t mind telling you that the first wages I got in the department amounted to $1,000 per annum. Well, I've minded my own business, and cut out the whisky and trim- mings, and they've been tacking on addi- tions to my pay right along for nearly two decades. I get a pretty neat little bundle of new bills every two weeks, and I get everything that’s coming to me. I’ve got a dollar or two stowed away, at that—{f I were to get fired tomorrow I wouldn't have to peddle books and dine off ginger snaps and milk, and neither would my family. Fact is, I'm a landlord, and once in a while I become grandiloquent and talk about ‘me tenants.’ I’ve got a few pretty good houses and lots scattered over this town, and any man that thinks I haven't got enough coin stowed away in bank to meet doctors’ bills, or any other kind of emergency bills, in fact, is labor- ing under a misapprehension. I've got four young ones, a couple of girls and a couple of boys, pretty well grown up, and I guess they're about as well fixed as to the amount of knowledge in their headpieces as any of my neighbors’ young ones. Now, do you suppose that had I stuck to ‘some legitimate business,’ as my croaking friends phrase it, I'd be sitting here tonight, as big and sassy and independent and bull headed as I am at this present moment of time? Well, I wot not! All of which is respectfully submitted. ——_ + They Never Do. Some women do not want to be widows under any circumstances. Two were taiking on a train headed for Alexandria four or five days ago. “That husband of yours is the worst I ever saw,” said the elder, with a voice and manner indicating some degree of rela- tionship which bestowed peculiar privileges upon her. “There is no news in that statement,” responded the other, with bitterness, yet not suca a bitterness that there was no sweet in it. “What I have been wondering for the last ten years is why did you ever marry him? You were young and pretty, and didn't have to marry for a home, and he didn’t have money enough to justify your family in making your home so disagree- able that you would have to marry in self- defense.” “There wasn't anything like that in ary of it. I suppose I might have had any one of a dozen men more eligible than he was, if, indeed, he could have heen con: sidered eligible by any one except mysel: “Then, what under the heavens did you ever marry him for?” “I had such a perfect horror of becoming a widow, that’s why I did it.” The elder woman was rendered quite helpless by this strange admission. “Goodness gracious! What's that got to do with it?” she exclaimed. “Everything. Don’t you know as well as anything that as good-for-nothing a fel- low as he is never will die?” oe The Last Straw. Frem Judge. Jaggles—“Why isn't it as bad to abolish the army canteen as to cut off the sallor’s grog?” ‘Waggles—"Because that is depriving Jack of his gill, A —__- ++. —___ Mistress—“I should like to know what business that policeman has in my kitchen every night in the week?” Cook—“ mum, I think he's suspi- or zome- cious of me neglectin’ me work thin’.”"—Londor Tit-Bits, HE OU He was rumnladng among the trunks, boxes and old dressers in the up-stairs back store room On’ Sua aftzrnoon last. He Was hunting for thing, or some things. Presently he appeared at the head of the stairs, bawlidé. Hgswas in his shirt sleeves, which were matted with cobwebs. His hair was all tousisd up-» His face was red. He leoked mad. “Mra. Jobépn,” hie shouted down the stairs, “you will oblige me by dropping that ‘Sunday pipe-dream literature for a few mo- ments and comtpg up here. I desire to hold @ personally ‘conducted talk of some duration wero “Why, Jamis," sid Mrs. Jobson, as she started to ascend the stairs, “what in the wide world can be—* “Madam,” Said he, as she got aft to the store room with him—and the store room surely was a sight—“you are perfectly well aware that I am particular with ref2rence to the preservation of my clothing. I might say that I am a crank—I freely acknowl- edge it—with reference to my clothes. I don't say that I possess much in the way of clothes—I haven't possess2d much of any- thing since I abendoned bachelorhood, Mrs. Jobson—but the few dinky Hitle articles of apparel that I do manage to scrape together I like to have and to hold for awhile, you know. Mrs. Jobson, what's becom of that box top coat I've been wearing for the past couple of autumns, and that I intended te wear again this autumn? Likewise, Mrs. Jobson, I beg to inquire what's become of that dark brown medium-weight suit of clothes I wora last fall, and that I intended to have fixed over for wearing this fall? Ha! Mrs. Jobson, I perceive that you've dis- posed—" “Why, James, I had no idea that you would need—” “Had no idea that I'd ever need thos? garments again, eh? Thought that when this fall rolled around I'd be earning about $873 a minute, I suppose, and would be able to send my measurements to London for a fw shiploads of suits and top coats? So when the old clothes man came around, and you wanted to get a couple of pieces of junk for that chatelaine of yours, you just let him have these clothes of mine for 55 cents?) Mrs. Jobson, I want to tell you that—” “How was I to. know that you would ed—" Mrs. Jobson, how were you to know that you were alive, and not a petrified mummy in an Aztec cave,.until I came along lke a Jay a few years ago and taught you differ- ently? So you couldn't let those poor, or- hery, no-account, thirty-cent duds of min2 alone through the dog-days, eh? Mrs. Job- son,,do I ever deny you any well-considered articles of junk for that chatelaine? Don’t you get all that’s coming to you in the way of—" “I had no means of knowing,” put in Mrs. Jobson, firmly, “that you'd care to wear a heavy suit and a top coat when the temperature is®still bordering upon 97 de- grees in the shade. However, whenever you need that brown suit, here it is. I had it claaned after yon had worn it for the final time last spring, and it’s been folded away in this cedar chest, in moth bails, ready for airing and wearing, ever since. Also here is your top coat. I’ve had it re- ned and rebound and cleaned, and it is now in first-rats condition for— But he had sneaked down stairs to the sink to wash his hands. + A GENIUS-IN ADVERTISING. He May Have Told the Truth Without Knowing It. “When I wa a youngster, say of twenty- one,” remarked thg ‘veteran journalist of a western city, ;“I was the editor of a coun- try paper in a townzof about five thousand people, and having*ftved for a year in New York I had 4p idefi that I was really the only person in town who knew anything. i had a pretiy hard time making things come my way/ibut youth and enterprise ar2 hard to down, and | kept at it. There was one firm in town, Smith Brothers, which was the strongest,und most conservative there, and I knew an advertisement from them would b2)the:making of me, but they were very slow in letting me have it. How- ever, I persisted until at last I had it in my clutches, and Lograsped it 2s a drown- ing man grasps atia life preserver. The serior partner, who twas a most aust=re and particular old; chap, and a deacon into the bargain, was anxious»te-impress..me with the fact that they were doing a great deal for me, and I must return value received. All of which J agreed-to do, and then the cid gentleman surprised me by telling me he would give me the cepy and leave it to my new-fangled notions, as he called them, to make up an ad. that would show the Smith Brothers to be as progressive as any other merchants in town and quite as ready to meet the modern ideas. Well, this was more than J could hay» asked for if they had begged me to do so, and I went out of the place almost shouting. When I reached my office I read the copy over again to ind its strong points of dispiay. It was as ‘ollows, for I never can forget it: ‘Smith rothers, the well-known dinlore in gro- ceries, are pleased to make the announce- ment that they are in receipt of the big- gest stock of canned goods evr seen here, and they will be sold at prices hitherto un- Known. Some advertisers may be liars, but Smith Brothers are happy in knowing that they have a, reputation for veracity which is worth more to them than gold. “That was good, plain stuff, with not much of a margin visible for th> play of my versatile fancy, but I was expected to do something that would attract attention, for the old gentleman. had been especially strong on that point. He wag tired of the plainly sever2, he said, and wanted. some- thing that would not fail to stir things up. Isat up more than half the night with that copy, and when morning came I had it all in shape to fill a column, the amount of space he wanted it to occupy. He told me, when he gave me the copy, that if he didn’t get around to s2e the proof, just to let it go and take the chances, which I did when he didn’t appear, and when the pa- per came out, there, in the biggest and blackest letters I could set up, was this advertisement for a full columa on the first page: ‘SMITH BROTHERS, the well-known eae in groceries, AR: pleased to make THE announcement that they are in receipt of the BIGGEST stock of cann2d goods ever seen here, and at prices hitherto unknown. Some mania may be but Smtth Brothers are happy knowing that they heve a reputation in this TOWN for veracity which is worth more to them than gold.’ “Well, when the Smith Brothers saw that ad. fairly shouting to them and at them and about thom, they were the maddest men you ever saw, and they were only re- strained by their religion from shooting me on the spot. However, they sued me in spite of all my defens> of the attractive qualities of thé display, and I would haye &cne to the wall my genius and Na- poleonic brillighcy Had it not been for the fact that befdte tye time of hearing the suit the ad. ‘had? actually given Smith Brothers a bdim that almost frightened them by its gremehdous popularity, and though they njVer repeated the ad. and al- ways made it matter before it was printed, me great friends, and each of us did,much;for the other in finan- ¢ial and other, waysy Making It Worth while. From Current Literature, ; An Irishman ywalling over a plank side- walk, in counfing 6 Money accidentally dropped a niek}t, which rolled down a crack between two of. the;boards. The Irishman was much put out by the loss, trifling though it wag? atid Rontinued on his way Swearing audibly.” = Early the next day a friend, while walking by the spot; discovered the Irishman in the act of deliberately dropping a dollar down the same crack through which he had lost his nickel. The friend was, of course, much astonished at what he saw, and, desiring to learn why Pat should celiberately, to all GHT TO APOLOGIZE TEE HOON WAS A WONDER “I wag captain of the foretop on the Pet- el when Tee Hoon shipped aboard of us,” said a Washington bluejacket, recently backfrom the Asiatic station, yisiting his people here last week. “That was six years ago—perhaps a bit more. It was at Shang- hai. Tee Hoon didn't belong to the coojie class—any of us could see that. After you’ve been on the China station for a few years you learn how to pick Chinamen of quality from among bunches of coolies, even if they are dressed alike—and China- men of quality occasionally get down in the world, just the same as people of qual- fty occasionally stack up against runs of hard luck over at this end of the world. As soon as Tee Hoon came over the side to see about shipping as a mess attendant we figured it out, correctly, that he belonged to the mandarin class. Of course we could not know then, however, what a really heap much Tee Hoon was. Tee Hoon was shipped aboard the Petrel. He made an admirable mess attendant. His English was better than mine, or yours; that’s right, I don’t modify it at all—his English Was better than mine or yours. This sur- prised us a good deal. Of course, on the China station, you often meet up with Chinamen of the quality who speak good English, but Tee Hoon’s English was sim- ply perfect—accent, phraseology, modula- tion and all. We couldn't make it out. Then, again, we had an Italian boy, ship- ped on the Mediterranean station, serving aboard as a mess attendant. One day, a couple ef weeks after Tee Hoon shipped, the Chinaman and the Italian lad had a bit of a row. Tee Hoon cussed the Dago boy up hill and down dale in choice Italian. We knew it was choice Italian, because one of the officers was a student of Italian, and his eyes stuck out like doorknobs when he overheard Tee Hoon cussing the Italian boy in the gab of Italy. Afterward the italian boy told us that Tee Hoon’s Italian was like unto that of a cardinal. We had aboard a Greek boiler maker, named Ly- curgus. Lycurgus was foolish enough one afternoon, about a month after we shipped Tee Hoon to attempt to guy the China- man. Tee Hoon opened up on Lycurgus in a lingo we couldn’t make out. Lycurgus told us that it was modern Greek, and a peculiarly fiery and convincing brand of it. By this time we began to regard Tee Hoon as a pretty clever shipmate. He played a pretty good game of poker; also, he could beat any of the Germans aboard playing pinochle; also, he could talk German with any of them, and German that they said shot away abeve their heads. Likewise, Tee Hoon used to repair to the beach, once in a while, and become exceedingly drunk and disreputable, which was salloriy and in line with a good many of his Caucasian shipmates. He always turned up aboard sober, however, and never got into any trouble. ‘Tee Hoon, three months after he shipped at Shanghai, was transferred to the flagship, which was ordered back to the United States by way of the Suez canal. So was I. “Tee Hoon took a fancy to me. This was probably because he won a good deal of money from me at poker. I’ve always ob- served that i’m very much admired by shipmates who know how to get my pay at the game of draw. Anyhow, Tee Hoon got to like me a good deal, and one night, long before he got to Port Said, Tee Hoon open- ed up a straight-sounding story for my ex- clusive benefit. It was all true. inamen of quality very rarely lie. Tee ‘Hoon was from Amoy, and his father was a very wealthy mandarin and the governor of his province. In his early youth Tee Hoon had been sent to Europe for his education. He had spent seven years in Germany, France end England, studying hard, and dissipat- ing a good deal, too. When he returned to Amoy his continuance in dissipation dis- pleased his father, the mandarin and gov- ernor. Tee Hoon had had a violent row with bis father and had made his way down to Shanghai. There he shipped aboard of us—the Petrel, that is. That was all. Some day, though, he would go back, said Tee Hoon. “We tarried for a few months in the Mediterranean, One day, when we were at Villefranche, the archbishop came aboard to look us over. The skipper took him over the ship. Tee Hoon was in the galley when the skipper and the archbishop reached the galley. Ah—a celestial—a Chinaman,’ said the archbishop, elevating his eyebrows and taking snuff. “Tee Hoon turned and gazed at the arch- bishop with languid ey>s. Then he said something to the archbishop in a language we didn’t understand. “ ‘Latin! ejaculated the ar world is upon end! A Latin. Look you, M. le Commandante, and marvel,’ addressing the skipper. Then th2 archbishop and Tee Hoon held an easy avd amiable conversation in atin for some minutes. The Chinaman’s Latin seem2d to fall upon our ears just as mu- stcally as the Latin of the archbishop. “dn all things wonderful, the Ameri- cans,’ said the archbishop, when he went over the side; ‘even unto having a Chinese Latinist on a ship as cleaner of shoes.’ “We were pretty proud of Tee Hoon by this time. No man of any nationality ever came over the side of our ship who could bishop. ‘The celestial with his call the turn on Tee Hoon in any lJan- guage. Te> Hoon was on deck with all of them. We had a Scotch machinist who Mked to discuss controversial theojogy. ‘Tee Hoon was the hardest nut the Secotch- man had aboard to crack. Tee Hoon had studied Christian theology. “T was paid off in New York. Tee Hoon went with another ship down to the South Atlantic station. I often wondered about him. “Six months ago my ship, the Concord, went up the big river as far as Amoy. I had always found Amoy amonz the dullest of the Chinese interior towns, tut I went ashore, hoping for news of Tee Hoon. It was a brilliant, chill afternoon. I stood not far from the American consul’s house, thinking of nothing in partieular. There was a clatter down the stro>t, and then a big litter party appeared. Twenty uniform- ed coolies in front, then a dozen lesser mandarins, afoot; the same outfit In the rear of the litter; the Httsr between, car- ried. by eight giant coolles. Sitting in the litter seat, in silks and furs and jewels— ‘Tee Hoon! “ ‘Hello, Hoon!’ says I. “Hoon regarded me earefnily. Then h2 tipped me a solemn, yet merry wink, and the litter passed _on. Rather caddish on ‘Tee Hoon’s part, I thought. “That night, Tee Hoon came off to the ship in a sampan. H> was disguised as a ecolie. He brought me many presents. “I am now a mandarin, and may not address you in public, friend,’ said Tee Hoon. Then his eyes filled a little, ‘But I wish I were back at sea, O shipmate that was?” >. An Early Autumn Idyl. A great wave of perspiration had swept up from the briny depths of the sea of hu- menity, and on its white-capped top the month of August had taken passage to the shoreless realms of eternity. Tip-tilted on the petals of the blooming melancholy days of poesy and song, Sep- tember in her Solden glory stood, and from ker harvest finger erds threw ripening Kisses to the world. There was no sadness in her eyes, and in her voice was only the music of rich, ripe fruit fallmg to the ground. As she swept along on the crimson tide of her leafy glory, a simple Oyster crossed her path. In his faze was the shadow of Fate. ae requi2m was scunding in the key of September saw him, but she wot not what he was to her, nor she to him. She nodded at him smiliagly. ‘Good morrow, Master Lowly,” she sang. t ee upon me, I prithee. Am I not indeed init?” ‘The Oyster was amazed. “I beg your pardon,” he answered. sees he sa knew full well what she had “Dearie me, Master Lowly,”” she chirrup- ed, “do but look at me. Am I not in it?” “Do you mean the soup?” lugubriously in- StNo, indeed. Why showla “No, indsed. y should I?” laughed the warm September. “I mean the Aue “Then the Oyster ‘sighe hell en the ster ied as if his would break, and he wondered why one could be so heartless as to jest upon such @ serious sudject. —_—.__. An Unfortunate. Smith—“Great time we had at the ciub last night, eh?” Jones—“You bet! Did you get home all A Song. There's a song passing sweet, and we hear its refrain In the wind as it murmurs o’er forest and plain; It sounds in the low, steady voice of the deep, Where the shore-baffied breakers inces- santly creep. It is heard in the rain when its fury is done And the drops fall like jewels cast down by the sun, : And the heart that was heavy re-echoes the lay Of hope and the future—“Some day—some day.” And nothing can silence its message of cheer. It comes in the hour when grim sorrow draws near; And when gifts are bestow2d by a generous fate It whispers of others, still fairer, that wait. The sage at his book and the serf at his Diow, The prince and the knave with his syco- phant bow, The hero in strife and the child at its play Smil2 and swell the sweet cadence—“Some day—some day.” * * * A Sense of Pride. The electric fan which had just been put into the dining room was a matter of great interest to the colored attaches of the household. One of them, a stout “auntie,” stopp?d and gasped ostentatiously every time she passed before it. “Whut de matter, Aunt Hannah?” asked the boy who was supposed to help around the kitchen, and who was her especial aversion. “Whut makes you ke2p shyin’ like a hoss?”” She disdained to answer, but, chancing to bass the fan again, gave enother gasp. “Is you got de asthma, or is you jes’ pant- in’ "cause it’s wahm?” “Sonny,” she responded slowly, “I de- sires to ax you sumpin’. Is you fishin’ foh trouble? Cas2 if you is, you wants ter watch yoh cork, now.” : “No'ndeed. I isn’ lookin’ foh no trouble. I was merely ‘quirin’ aftuh yoh health an’ comfort. I wanted ter make sho’ whether you wus a-skyaht o’ dat fan.” “Me a-skyaat o' dat!’ she exclaimed, with great contempt. “I's humiliated. Dats whut I is. An’ I guess dey is mo’ service Places dan dis, so’s I won’ hafter quit Workin’ when I's left. “Is you gwine away? SF tn."* Vhut’s yoh dissatisfaction?” ‘Laziness. White folks’ laziness. I doesn’ speck quality folks to wuck hahd. But dah'’s sech a thing as kyahyin’ luxury an’ ease too far foh r-spectability. I doesn’ blame ‘em foh gettin’ redo’ de cookin’ an’ cleanin’ an’ passin’ de dishes at dinner. But when dey gits so dey’s got ter set up ma- cbin2ry ter help ‘em draw deir bref, I tells ycu, chile, dey’s got clean past de limits ob gentilit, You's got a bite right * * * Almost @ Success. “It was a grand idea,” eaid Farmer Corntossel, “‘and it came mighty near workin’, too. Just a little bit o’ keerless- neg spiled the whole thing.” “Did Josiar help you dig the potatoes?” inqvired his wife. But he purty near did. I thought we'd mrke it interestin’ fur the boy and git a good deal of sport out of it. I went to some expense, too, havin’ a lot o’ hoes cut different shapes an’ sizes, so’s he could work in a variety of strokes an’ not tire the same muscles too much. You know how he has always been talkin’ golf ever sence he’s been home. Well, I suppose I hac discovered a scheme by which I could show him a good time and likewise get him to help out on the farm. ‘Siar,’ I says, ‘things is kind of dull fur you around here and I've been trying to think up some diversion fur you. Of course, the main thing about golf is the exercise, ain't it?” ‘Of course, it is,’ said he. ‘Well, says I, here's all that lot of different styles of hoe. There’s long handles an’ short handles, an’ wide blades an’ narrer ones. I’ve modeled ‘em after your golf clubs as near as I could. This here’s a putter an’ here's a cleik an’ a mashie an’ a@ niblick an’ so on. We'll go over in the side lot an’ when either of us comes to a potato hill, we'll go at it like it was a tee and give it a baft that'll do our systems good.” “How was you to keep score?” inquired Mrs. Corntossel. “That's what he wanted to know, and I was tickled most to death to see him so interested. I explained to him that one potato would count one point and when- ever you got more than ten out of a hill that counted fifty points -~ And the first man who got a thousand points won the game; only he was in politeness bound to turn in and give the other feller his revenge. I wanted to make it seem sociable and reg’lar like.” “Didn't he take kindly to it?” “He did at first. But the arrangement fell through like so many other dreams that I have fondly cherished. He went so far as to get his suit on so’s to play. But we had to give it up. Help is so scarce around here just now that we couldn’t hire any of the neighbor boys to go along an’ be his caddie.” 5 * * A Sunburnt Cynic. Mr. Blykins bad just returned from the secshore and was not disposed to be at all genial and conversational. Inguiries as to whether or not he had had a good time were met by a quick glance and an invol- untary clutch of his chair atm, which in- dicated intense emotion. Every now and then he would leave his desk, and going to where his coat hung, get out a bottle of cold cream 2nd bathe his nose, cheekbones and neck. “There’s a great deal of foolishness in the world!” he exclaimed after a long si- ; thing satay ike and happen “No. replied his neighbor, who is some- of a philosopher. “But we've got to here. Being into this fe t a You "t pick u) oposite ‘because Ba of Uy a to be satisfied.” F But complain it”you feet ke tt. A 4 Yesterday afternoon my little girl came home singing @ song, which a lady had taught her; a Song which said ‘Scatter Sunshine Day by Day,” or words to that effect, and here's an article in this paper which tells all about the sun. I've been having experience with that member of the solar system and I thought I'd read it. When a man has had the outer covering lifted off him as if he were a yam he has a natural and excusuble curiosity about what did it.” “Is it interesting?” “It's shallow, careless and incomplete. It |says that the spectrum of the sun shows traces of, iron, titanium, calcium, manga- nese, nickel, cobalt, potassium and a iot of other things. But it leaves out the main ingredients. Why don't they send a man to ask me what's in the sun before they go ahead and write their articles? I have stood directly under the leakage of its rays and I know. It’s full of hartshorn, cayenne Pepper, carbolic acid and tabasco sauce. What they want to teach the children is some solid, sensible ditty about scattering paim-leaf fans and parasols. * “* The Suibal. “I have been so busy helping around the farm,” writes the Bulbul of Pohick, “that I have almost entirely given up poetry writing. Of course, if you can’t sell a farm the only thing to do is to go ahead trying to raise things on it. My feclings have been very much tore up by the cannon which loudly boomed and the real estate which did not. But better times are at hand. Us Americans have quit fighting Spaniards and are getting ready to have it out among ourselves once more. In cele- bration of the era which is just dawning, I have wrote an ode, entitled, OH, BEAUTIFUL SNOW-WHITE DOVE OF PEACE. e Come, flap your wings, Beautiful snow-white dove, While everybody sings About joy and brotherly love And all such things. Thoygh I disapprove of slang, I could not take offense when I heard You alluded to as indeed “a bir’ The dogs of war gave you a hot chase for awhile, But now you can descend from your perch and coo in your usual style. Oh, rude, ungentiemanly dogs of war. I cannot see what you were invent=d for Ike the czar, I think it would be a bless ing rare, If, with great care, You could be taken somewhere And muzzled. For even when your day is through, You are still sticking your nose througa the front gate, looking for mischief to do. Let us rejoice while we may, in the near hereafter, General Miles and Secretary Aiger and General Shafter, : And General Coybifi ‘and Colonel Roosevelt pd ottfers whose names will not hyme, Will be in Washington all at the same time. Kind reader, were you ever in an accom- modation train When they backed it up to couple new cars to it, again and again? Do you remember the w bumped around until things were up-shaken Well, kind reader, something uke that will happen then, if I am not greatly mis- taken. Only, if affairs are not managed with great care and precision, This will turn out to be a genuine collision. It is only natural to feel that such things must cease Before comfortable and proper arrange- ments can be made for the dove of peace. Yes, this is the reason way He is standing around with « his eye And his neck feathers ruffling up like they never used to, Till he looks less Ike a dove of peace than @ bantam rooster. It has been insinuated thet he has been getting careless, too; That he is beginning to look as if he had passed a few Minutes dallyin’ with a tar-barrel, The results of which would inevitably show on his apparel. And already it has been hinted would be politeness To have some kalsom{ning fluid on hand to help Out his whiteness. But still I cheer up, for my faith is strong, That those who finally get the worst of it are those who are in the wrong. And whatsoever the future may have in store, We know we have won glory as fighters. We ovuldn’t ask for more. Let us be thankful that the gunners when they were bid Landed with more precision than the com- missary department did. We will welcome the soldiers, one and all. Yet one suggestion I fain would make, though it may seem small— Oh, fellow countrywomen, I pray you desist, Before our great heroes have been over- kissed. You see how Admiral Dewey seems willing and anxious to stay Quietly over in Manila bay. What is the reason? Think of your own coquettish capers. No man likes to be kissed and then have it put in the papers. You should not line up in a procession with ostentation. Such things should be done with tact and discrimination. ‘or some tim for so _y it bad look in that it ; Let them be kissed, the brave by the fair. ‘When duty calis I will surely be there. Bestow salutations so sweetly sublime, But don’t crowd the hero; there's pienty of King Humbert of Italy possesses a hupt- ing knife, the handle of which ts solid ivory, beautifully carved, and surmounted with the royal crown. Its sheath is of pigskin, mounted in massive silver chased to match the knife, with the royal arms of Italy in bold relief. The price of the knife was $100, and the case cost another $75. At Windsor Castle among the royal pla’ is a knife which was presented by the cut- lers of Sheffield to George IV.