Evening Star Newspaper, August 6, 1898, Page 14

THE EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, AUGUST 6, 1898-24 PAGES. “The . after all, is the hat that expresses more of the character of men and women than any or, indeed, all others, remarked a philosophical observer to a Somehow raw Star rv rter. if more in the man or woman is just as the tidy and prim kind of hat they wear. This the rule, and this sum- » exception. The digni- ified hat and a hat fied. The fop has his nice with its red, brown or ver wears a black band, stic man and woman find t just the vehicle to display white d blue colors. The war , ef course, is the cause for so n red, white and blue in the way of hat trimmings, and it is a nice way to show patriotism without appearing to do so. The widower never shows his desire » of the world again plainer than he does with his straw hat. The clerical gen- tleman and the student of theology or scho- lastic somehow picks out a hat that marks nd ambition to a certainty, so » who sees it can by any possi- a mistake. The politician, ae sper, the prize fighter and the would- instinctively marked by S as if they wore a badge ions. The retired politician, the ex-congressman who is out of Congress temporarily, and is ki Wa: ending to some mat- s gives himself away jo the cardplayer The pic- c and excursion man jan or the an or girl has a hat which shows the members of the diplomatic corps are recognized by their hats. Some of these are new hats and others have done or a cou of si Ex-Secre- man wears the same hat he has three or four summers. Secre- er, although he has a ron does not betray it in his hat, ne same cannot be of Secre- Th Iture ra farmer's hat by any means, Attorney General wear a hi the gre jonsibility that wear neat and shaped hats, more like those ankers and brokers wear. The in- nen have a strictly insurance hat, that they deal in risks, and some ppear to be running some risk in The departmental clerk wears inds and styles of hat, but there is a something about it that shows discipli arity of hours of working, it ma not what color it is or how it is trim- There are, of course, some excep- all of this, but the exceptions are han a person might sup- > observation will convince ry m pose, as a li one.” eke KK cians are not all agreed for snake bite: explaine s to a Star reporter, “and y to administering unlimited s of whisky to the person suffer- ing from the bite. The fact of the matter is that though there is a very general dread . there are few, very | ever bitten by them. In a practice extending over thirty years, years of which w: few seven euntry district, I have had but Bites to attend to, aud in one of them 1 wd not entirety sure that it was a snake bite at all. The three I cauterized the flesh Any other strong 1 probably have done as weil, rate of silyer or lunar causti I gave whisky in small quan- nt intervals. I know ¥ general i ex- that whisk be simply down the bitten person, a half pint a time, the theory being that the from a snake neutralizes the effects whisky ordinarily causes. I am free t I would not dare to give a of whisky under any circum- and would not feel safe in giving h as a quarter of a given at intervals pur for two or three hours, will be is needed, a though in cas: the person used stimulants freque would not ful about, quant! 5 t co them an feel sure, however, that half-pint drinks of whisky are liable to do more harm than @ snake bite. It is much safer, in my judg- ment. to ister the whisky hypoder- ally. Tr icker and x effect is produced much 2 satisfactorily ee RK KK Capt. Frank W. Crosby, writing to a ‘ar reporter from Turin, Switzerland, ericans never held up ¢ mo heads in Europe as they do now. I walk t a3 to lean all bee ightly backward. Of of Dew nd victories. This old world has waked up to the fact that there fs a giant the to be reckoned with herea. power here will think twice rength h Uncle and kings ave sympathie: » are wi tensi Switzerland- Ww than of all the cities **e Ke x after the th of Sir Edward English artist, a well- on man was talking in a me that Sir Edward appea mous suit brought Ruskin for libel. y face near the porthole getting a breath of fresh air. “I wonder why, Harry,” she said, pen- sively, as she contemplated the porthole, “they make the ship windows those round Uttle things with hinged frames in them in- stead of sash?” Harry turned over with a groan and look- ed out to the circlet of blue sky showing down past his wife's face. “Blamed if I know, Bes: he answered, with a great effort, “but I guess they don’t want to make it possible for seasick pas- sengers to throw up the sash.” Then they both choked a little, sighed, and were very, very silent for several minutes. gee A FRAPPED CUPID. An Anacostia Swain and a George- town Inamorata. The young Xnight of Anacostia was pay- ing court to the fair maiden of Georgetown. She was rich and beautiful and he was neither, but he had a persistence that is rarely found outside of book agent or life insurance circles. Such qualities mean suc- cess sometimes, but not always. Added to the young knight's persistence was a tropical ardor and fervid spirit that so often make the native Anacostian and have made his fierce and ceaseless struggles against the bob tail street car line one of the carmine chapters of the history of the capital. Two weeks ago the fair maid was on the eve cf departure for a summer rest in the mourtains or by the sea, and the young knigit made the.car tracks hot getting over from Anaccstia to Georgetown, ere somy hated rival might appear before he had -nade a few tmportant and serious re- marks on the ‘condition confronting him. He found her at home and alone, and he hastened to state his case with all the frenzy of a philippic. it was silly to present such an appeal to a summer girl just as she was starting out on her summer campaign, but men in love dor’t do wise things. The maiden tried to set him right, but he woula not hearFen. He was worse than ever, and warmer. Then she read the riot act to him. “Wha he exclaimed, “would you have me cold and distant to you? To you?” and his soul went into his hands outstretched to her. “Yes,” she replied. 3ut how can I?” he implored. She became more business-like im her t Well," she said, “what's the matter with joining one of these north pole par- ties that don't come back? There's dis- tance enough in that and nobody has ever complaired of the warmth, I think.” Persons who have met the fair maid at the summer hotel of her choice say that she is the gayest of the gay now, and keeps the proposals she receives in a little book like a dance program. gS NERVES AND CAR RIDING. The Cable Especially, Has a Bad Ef- feet on Them. From the New York Times. “Heart trouble?” ssid the doctor. “No, your heart is as sound as a dollar. What rade you thing of such a thing? There is only one kind of heart trouble to which young girls like you are subject, and I can’t prescribe for that.” “But I have such a funny feeling when I am riding in the cable car, doctor,” said the girl. “Something seems to stop just about where my heart is, and I feel so funny and stuffy, and there is a sort of a lump in my throat. Then I feel it for a long time afterward, and it is so uncom- fortabl “Humph,” grunted the doctor. “After riding in the cable cars, is it?. When do you ride in them oftenest? Just after luncheon, isn’t it?” “Why, yes; I guess perhaps I do ride just after luncheon quite as often as any other time. You see, I am apt to be out to lcnckeon and then I bave to take a car to get anywhere I am going. ” “What seat do you ride on? “Oh, on one of the front seats, I guess.” “And there you sit and watch the wag- ons in front of che car, and the men who Jump in front of it, ard the women and the children— “Why, doctor, how did you guess all that? Yes, I do; and sometimes I am so sure they are going to get run over I just shut my eyes tight and think to myself that I won't see it, anyway. Oh! it is so excitin, “Yes, and that’s what's the matter with you. e is n> heart trouble. It is noth- ing that sounds as well. It is simply dys- pepsia, nervous dyspepsia, brought on by the effect on your nerves of the excitement of seeing people run over. It is about as bad for you to think they may be as if they were. “Some of my patients have to sit on the frent seat,.with their backs to the motor- men, and, if any one is going to be killed, they don’t have their stomachs put out of order by knowing all about it beforehand. Now, if you will do that, or keep your eyes carefully away from the track in front of you, I don’t think you will have any trou- ble after a little.” —-see_____ MARRIAGE MADE EASY, — Am Alleged American Industry in Western Waters. Frem London Tit-Bits. To marry you for nothing, and then give you $25 in gold and a wedding trip is what an enterprising American steamboat com- pany has offered to do in order to stimulate marriage and strengthen its returns. The steamboat company in question runs boats regularly during the summer months be- tween Chicago and Milwaukee, on the shores of Lake Michigan. This last place is known as “the town of easy marriage,” and it is to this spot the j young men of Chicago take their brides during the summer months to undergo the wedding ceremony. Indeed, one minister in Milwaukee alone, the Rev. W. A. Huns- berger, has earned for himself the title of the “marrying parson,” and it is estimated said, “the joke on an sion appointed to buy a Titian for the benefit of students cr and coloring. Some ques- as to the comparison of a er picture with a Titian, when Baron ton said the Titian would have to Mr. Bowen said he could prove reminded the baron of the story fon, SO great a he It seems commission, with ali its general art and of its particular to what was a genuine ught the pleture for a large sum hen they proceeded to rub the pic- n arm what the finish was, a was discovered, and they lay the secret, but it they found an old portrait 11." dy laughed except the heroine of “Why,” she said innocently, “I don’t see ke in that. Artists paint over es very often, don’t they, and idn’t Titian have painted’ over I don't really see how a Ittle like that could affect the work of a y great artist.’* nobody laughed, because everybody paralyzed. : ie eo The young man from the west, with his bride from the same limitless locality, was ercssing tie wide, wide ocean on his bridal trip, and he was fervently praying every Gay for the ship to go to the bottom and cure him of the dreadful nausea that would not let him rest. As for the fair bride, she was not quite so unhappy, but enough so to make her enter a solemn vow that if she ever had an opportunity to so on a second bridal trip she would surely make it by land. The third day out he was stretched in his berth trying to make himself believe he was out om the green grassy farm in Ne- and she was leaning over with her that for some time past he has united over 2,000 coupies annually in the bonds of mat- rimony. The steamboat company has sent out over 20,000 invitations to the young men in Chicago and the surrounding towns, of- fering to mafry them free of cost and also to provide them with an annual pass for two on any of their steamers plying be- tween Chicago and Milwaukee. To those, however, who are willing to allow the knot to be tied on board there is a further in- ducement of a present of $25 given by the company. The ifvitations are said to be alluring and persuasive. They are very prettily got up and are illustrated with six pictures, representing Chicago, the steamer on the lake, Milwaukee, a marriage cere- mony on the boat steaming under full moon and, lastly, Chicago again. Many will no doubt wonder in what way the company will benefit by this extraordi- nary and novel method of increasing their business. In the first place, it is undoubt- edly the outcome of the fact that at Mil- waukee, in the state of Wisconsin, there is the absence of a license law, which is im- posed in Chicago. Again, local ministers and civil officials make more from tying couples in holy wed- lock than they do from their salaries. and, jastly, bridal couples are always accom. panied by numerous friends, who, of course, would pay for their passage, refreshments and other necessaries. So far the company is said to be receiving acceptances in an- Swer to their invitations at the rate of 500 a day, Sar oa a eg that hundreds of coupies w! married on the company’s boats during the season. ————+o+___ Everything Going. Frem the Chicago Dally Tribune. The steamer roiled and pitched in the waves. “Deah boy,” groaned ‘Cholly, at the end of his first hour on shipboard, “promise tne you will send my remains home to my people!’ A second hour passed. - “Deah boy,” feebly moaned Cholly, “you needn’t send my remains home, There won't be any.” “ENLISTED MAN'S OFFICER.” !A LESSON Cn SSWIMMING.|A WORLD-WIDE TRAVELER When Commodore Schley gave orders to the Brooklyn's officer of the deck, at the beginning of the fight with Cervera’s fleet, that the men down below in the enginé and fire rooms should be kept informed of the Progress of the battle, he did an eminently Schiey-like thing. Schley has the reputa- tion of being a generous, big-hearted man among the bluejeckets throughout the whole American navy—an “enlisted man’s officer,” they call him—and he h: s earned the reputation from his middy days. The old-timers tell many a story illustrative of Schley’s kindliness as a ship commander. One of these stories reverts to the period when Schley was the skipper of one of the old cruisers on the Mediterranean station. One beautiful, balmy Christmas morning, Schley’s ship pulled into the harbor of Vil- lefranche. The slip had been steadily cruising for a couple of weeks, and, of course, the men had had no shore liberty. So, when the mudhook was dropped in Vil- lefranche harbor, the gangway bo’sun’s mate, at the order of the officer of the deck, Passec the word that all hands forward who were entitled to Iberty could put their Tames down with the ship's writer for a Gay ashore. The good-conduct men set up a cheer at the parsing of the word, and they rushed to the ship's writer's desk to get their names down. In all about 259 of the bluejackets were entitled to “hit the beach,” as the sailors call going ashore on liberty. But there were about seventy-tive of the bluejackets whose names were on the bad-conduct list, and they were there- fore “quarantined; that is, sentenced to remain aboard ship for varying periods ranging from ten days up to three months. The’ offenses of the quarantined men were of a minor nature requirirg discipline, none of them having done anything serious, Some of the very best men in the ship's company were, therefore, hooked to remain aboard ship on this sunshiny Christmas day, while they watched their happy ship- mates, done up in their best mustering clothes, depart over the side for a merry whirl ashore, The men ready to go on liberty were mustered in batches on the quarter deck, and away they went in boat loads, jingling the American gold in the chamois bags sus- pended by strings beneath their mustering shirts. The quarantined men, looking dis- mal ard down in the mouth, stood around in silent parties, smoking their pipes, and watching the departure of their more for- tunate shipmates. When the last cutter load of liberty-bound men had shoved off. for the shore, Commander Schley came out of his cabin door and stepped up the poop ladder for his morning constitutional. He strolled up and down with his hands be- hind him, occasionally glancing in the di- rection of the departing steam cutter, filled with shore-making bluejackets from his ship. Then Schley began to size up the disconsolate-looking groups of quarantin-d men slouching around on the spar deck up for’ard of the main stick. He looked at them out of the corner of his eye for a while, and then he stepped down the lad- der and came forward. “You boys hop into your mustering clothes,” said Schley, “and when the steam cutter returns you may go off to the beach and enjoy yourselves. I'll give orders to the paymaster to let you all have whatever part of your withheld pay you'll need for a Gay ashore.” The happy men set up a cheer when Schley started aft. He wheeled and re- turned to the main stick. “And, I say,” he put in, as a sort of afterthought, “come back right this time, you fellows. Act like American sailurs, and there'll be no need of quarantining you any more. I don't want a man of you to have to be whipped aboard in a ho'sun’s chair when he comes off to the ship this time.”” ‘The men took up the cheer again where they Lad left it off, and there wasn't a man in that quarantined gang that wasn’t marked into the log “clean and sober” When the liberty party returned aboard jate on Christmas night. American blue- jackets put on their honor by a kindly commander never break their parole. In the old navy the bluejacksts had a custom of asking the skipper to “white- Wash the books” on New Year morning Several dozen of the quarantined men, whose names had been inscribel on the bad conduct lists for trivial offenses, would asscmble at the mast and ask to have an interview with the commanding officer. When the skipper made his appearance out of his cabin and walked forward to the mast the leader of the bluejackets would step out of the gang and quiet’y hand the commander a new bucket filled with white- wash and a big whitewash brush sticking in it. This pantomime meant ‘hat the quaraatined men asked the skipper to “whitewash the books,” and to erase all of the names off of the bad conduct lists, thereby giving all hands a chance to begin the new year right. If the skipper took the bucket from the hands of the bluejacket they would set up a cheer, for they knew that the commanding officer's acceptance of the bucket meant that he would accede to their pantomimie request. fut if the skipper shook his head and ‘declined to receive the bucket, the men would quietly disperse, always looking cheap, but not making any criticisms, Schley never turned down a gang of quarantined bluejackets who presented him with a New Year gift of a bucket of white- wash. He invariably “whitewashed the books" for the men. His ship was lying in the harbor of Montevideo one New Year morning ,and the gang with the white- wash bucket was unusually large. Some of the men in the gang before the skipper hal only been quarantined for three or four days. When the second-class gunner’s mate handed the bucket to Schley, he took it, smiling reflectively. “The surgeon,” said he, turning to the executive officer, “was talking to me the other day about giving the men forwerd some sort of a tonic while we cruise in these low iatitudes. Well, ths lads may need a tonic, but I'm quite certain that none of them needs any nerve food.” The books were whitewashed, all the same. gees Nature's Toddy Shops. From Lippincott’s Magazine. Nature has her rum shops, her saloons. She produces plants which devote them- selves to tho manufacture and sale of in- texicants. The South American toddy tree is well known to naturalists. It is well known also to the South American beetle, the Oryetes Hercules. When the latter gces on 2 spree he rever goes it alone, after the uaneighborly habit of the human drunkard. He collects his friends and ac- quaintances to the number of thirty or fort: the whcle crowd run their short horns through the bark of the toddy tree, revel in the outflowing juices, and while inebriated are easily caught by the human natives. The toddy tree parts with its liquor free of charge. There are other plants which are less genercus. They exact no less a penalty than the death of the unfortunate drunkard. And what do they do with the body? Strange as it may seem, they eat it. In this manner they obtain the food which nourishes them and sustains their healthful existence. At the end of each of their long green leaves these plants have a pitcher- skaped receptacle. We might style this the growler, but if never needs to be rusin- ed. It is always full of what with special appropriateness might be called bug juice— a watery liquor, sweet to the taste and inebriating to the senses. Only in fine weather is the growler open for business. On rainy days it is firmly shut up-to keep out the rain that would dilute and spoil the contents. see a summer shack, overlooking the river. The Washington chap introduced me to her. didn’t see "em exchange any winks, but I'm going to bruise him up some, anyhow, the first time I meet him, on general prin- The girl was about nineteen, and just about as demure a one as you ever saw. We worked off the usual line of talk, and then, as the tide was high, and it was about the bathing hour, I suggested a “Can you swim?’ I asked her. “‘Oh, a very, very little,’ she replied, “Oh, that’s all right,’ said I—and I guess she must have thought I was nothing but a big, half-grown, clumsy Newfoundland, at that—T’ll teach you. the real thing when it comes to swimming, if I do say so myself, as shouldn't. on in, and I'll give you a lesson or so.’ “Weill, she went into her people’s cottage and got her bathing togs on, and I got a suit and showed up at the private pier by the time she was ready. A lot of the other cottagers, inciuding the girl's parents and younger sisters, were already in by this time. The girl was gotten up pretty natti- ly, and her bathing rig looked so natural on her that I thought it was a pity. she couldn't swim. But she tripped over to the edge of the water, stepped into about three inches of it, and then sat down just like the ordinary run of women who are afraid of getting their hair wet, and who think they’re booked to drown if they get into water up to their knees. “I ploughed into the water with the idea of showing what a torrid tamale I was when it came to the wave-disporting business, and I swam out a coupie o’ blocks or so. Then I returned on my back. “‘My,’ said the girl, ‘how beautifully you I'm pretty nearly Come ‘Oh, it’s dead easy,’ said I, ‘when you get the knack of it. confidence, that’s all. g0 down in the water, you know. you've got to do, for instance, to float, is to lie perfectly still on the water's surface, and you can’t go to the bottom to save Confidence—that’s the whole thing. Same as riding a bike. can ride a bike that’s got the nec In swimming, just like riding a wheel, you've got to keep moving. Just like this——’ “And I plunged in and struck out with an overhand stroké, throwing a whole lot o" grace into my movements, and just pat- ting the surface of the water with my open palms as they came down, to show how perfectly at home I was. back to where the girl was sitting. ‘Why, how perfectly lovely!’ said she. ‘And how easy it looks, too!” “ ‘Easy as rolling off a log, said I. ‘Come on in and try it.’ “Well, say, when that tall lithe girl stood up, and gave her“bathing togs a few little hitches, and thréw her long hair back from her face, I might=have known what was coming from thie But I didn’t. ““Come on,’ said Ij backing into the wa- Just requires a little You can't possibly All Anybody ary Then I swam practiced way she moved. ‘See If you-ean't swim out to me. y headset under water. I'll This was as far ag I got. She suddenly raised her arms. over her head until her palms met, and hem she dived head first to- ward where I stgod. ;-Say, before I had time tomusterany kind of a line of thinks,I heard a chuckle from.ail the other bathers, and I looked around. {fhat:girl had just come up - about fifty feet behind me, and she- was striking out, with her right arm fully ex- tended beneath the water, and the left arm gracefully propglingj her. about seven feet with every moye she made with it. ike @ dolphin. She looked back at me wigh a, merry—oh, a merry, y laugh—g-merryvha ha, for a, fact. the rest of Ahe pathers echoed the ha "Talk about.a jay.feeling small! ‘Phat girl kept right on,” She switched to a dou- ble overhand stroke, and swam that way. for a hundred yards or so, and then she went ahead dog-fashiony making steam- launch time right along. Did I say 30 cents? Well, all L.could do was to stand thére in waist-high water and look at,her. After she had gone about a quarter of a mile, she turned around, and, say, swim- ming on her back, and just kicking the wa- ter away from her, without using her arms termelon that she was back to the beach in less than three min- utes. She looked at me beamingly out of tail of her eye. “Why, isn’t it nice!’ she said. seems so simple, too!” “Then she ran to the end of the pier and turned a double sommersault into the wa- ter, cutting it as clean as a knife. “ “The little water witch is enjoying her- self this morning, isn’t she?” people on the pavilion sa; “Well, then, I came away, and I sailed my sloop to a beach about twenty-eight I haven't volunteered to teach any demute-looking girls how to swim Since, you hear me! She at all, I'll bet a ‘And it I heard some miles futher down: THE WHISKERS LEAGUE. How It Rose, Flourished and Fell on a@ Western Rai From the Kansas City Jourral. The Whiskers League title of a “dretbund” which was formed and flourished and fell on a Burlington train last Sunday during the period occu- pied in making the return trip from the Omaha exposition to Kansas City. members of the league were three tele- graph operators employed in one of Kan- sas City’s commission ‘houses, and the story of their brief alliance is told by one of way Train. is the unusual ‘The “You see, we couldn't think of leaving Omaha,” said he, “without getting on a pretty good ‘skate,’ and, of course, after we got started we had to do something to enliven ‘the journey. to form the league and draw up constitu. tion and by-laws, which were to the effect that every man wearing a beard who came into the car was to by of us in turn, had caught a straw or si It didn’t take long e accosted by each and inform him that he omething in his We drew lots to decide the or- der in which we should begin our cam- paign, and agreed to change the order on each new man, enough to know that, of us might be thanke: the last one woui the risk of receiving bodily “Well, Batt had to start second. The train’ was tle station, a thick browretbeard through the door ani heads, for a vitant, seat. any, of course,tand ‘Bat and remarked There was nothirig*”: arcuse the fartiler’s Sus Batt apologized°for informed him that: ‘th caught in his whisk very gratefully other “pleasant for we still sense while the first one d graciously for his id be running it, and I came “Just leaving a lit- when ‘2 “big, oid farmer with Squeezed his way began looking down other people's He didn’t find tt edged up to him e car was crowded. in that remark to picions, and when Ing the Mberty, but ere was something ers, his services were Wledged. After an- ‘© Batt disappeared agriculturist and ition about the coun- ugh, and how the glancing at his ‘ccna eran From London Tit-Bits. - ‘Excuse me, sir, There are sore animals which never ing {o your beard.’ | drink; for instance, the amas of Pata- {crops were, bushy chin covefing, Sa there's a straw suddenly backing off of me, and at piclously at the f wait to explain, but resigned my-place to Herrick, who was getting anxious to dis- tinguish himself. man carefully inspecting Wacs over by the window, rick made his-debut.. He ventured some ta get a betier view seta ‘tter view e time brushing sus- inary straw. I didn’t We watched the old his. offending and then Her- that it was that had blown in farmer squared him- ‘Looky here, young feller, do you be- long to that dodgasted. of unlicensed whiskers . ii Just a piece of stri at the window. Z “On the steamer that took- us te the eee North Cape, early last month, we came in- shied a rite ee fue pian he | to contact with a man whom we all figured returned, a couplt ef days ago, from a two a Wi SS . = 2 2 ‘ashi geritleman who has just re Be aceyat ete ee seen turned from a summer tour of north Euro- and if she didn‘trtake me feel like thirty | P°@> Waters. “He was with us for more dark, mauve, alléyéd cents of the realm, I never was made fo/feél that way. e “I met her at #1 of the family beaches | ¥@5 Tather a distingulshed-looking man, apparently a Frenchman, although his En- on brackish water, ‘way down the river. ly = The morning I habled my sloop alongside | Slish was"practically perfect. He was tray. the pler I met e°Washington chap I keew, | CHNE in great style all by himself, with a aad he 4ockeae bine’ down the row of | Couple of valets, and he seemed to have : : more money to spend than he had any need girl fvas sitting alone on the > ; a cottage pavilion Delonging to her people's | fF: He wasn't a bit ostentatious either, to be the most colossal liar on earth,” said than a week, and I am certain that none of us ever heard a man talk as he did. He and as a matter of fact his manners were rather pleasing. But, heavens! How he did spin yarns. We all got to talking of Bis- marck in the smoking room on the first night out. The distinguished-looking stranger let us talk on for a while, and then he chimed in gracefully. “Bismarck? Oh, he had known him well. A wonderful man, Bismarck! And he went ahead and related a lot of really good anecdotes of the Grand Old Mon of Germany that we had never heard before, and that really sounded genuine. ‘A clever liar, that chap,’ said one of my friends to me in an aside. ‘it’s really fascinating to listen to him.’ “And it was fascinating to listen to him. He seemed to have known everybody of distinction during the past thirty years, al- though he looked to be scarcely more than forty-five himself. He had visited at Glad- stone’s country house. He had met Sarah Bernhardt when the actress had just fin- ished her apprenticeship as a millinery girl. We got to talking of Roscoe Conkling. Conkling? Remarkable man, Conkling! The stranger knew all about him. He tola a lot of stories about the man with the Hy- perion curl, and the stories were strangely like, too. They were full of the spirit of Conkting. “ “That fellow’s simply a master of lying,’ said my friend on the third day out. ‘He must have done a sight of reading. Did you ever hear such realistic yarns of the great and famous?’ “There were a lot of accomplished trav- elers in our party—men who had penetrated to some queer places. Well, there wasn't one of them who had ever Visited a spot that the distinguished-looking stranger had not seen at some time or another. He call- ed the turn cn all of them, and he called the turn right, too. The travelers thougnt to snag him, but there wasn’t a trivial de- tail in which they could catch him napping, from the manners of the people of Thivet to the habits of the rhinosceros in equatori- al Africa. He had it right, and he talked smoothly and suavely of places that most of us had never even heard of. “Great Scctt, but the amount of infor- mation that fellow has stuffed himself with!’ sald my friend on the fifth day. ‘And the way he narrates the whole business in the first person.’ “All of the men passengers who listened to the distinguished-looking man with the dark mutton-chop whiskers were convinced in their own minds that the man was noth- ing more nor less than an accomplished liar, but they wondered at his expertness in lying all the same, and they ached to catch him cutright in a bald falsification. “Well, one evening, when the whole crowd were having an after-supper cigar in the smoking room, a little, squat English- man, who is famous throughout the world as a mountaineer, a man who has scaled most of the almost insurmountable peaks, began to talk quietly of a certain terrific- ally difficult peak among the Andes. Thi middle-aged Englishman was one of the party whose skepticism concerning the di: tinguished-looking foreigner’s yarns was the strongest. He hadn't talked for more than a minute of this hard peak among the Andes, when the easy-mannered stranger chimed in. “Ah, yes,’ said he, ‘one would want no tore difficult climbing than that. I made the ascent in 188—, and my heart hasn't been entirely right since.’ “The English mountaineer began to fume from the moment the stranger began to speak, and when he had finished he was in a rage. , My friend,’ said he, rising to hfS feet and taking a very determined Anglo-Saxon posture, ‘I've been listening to your amaz- ing web of lies for seven days now, and I begin to cease to extract amusement from them. You have now convicted yourself of being the brazenest kind of a lar. I have to inform you that there is but one man now living in the world who ever made the ascent of that peak, and that man is the distinguished Baron D—, the son of thg late French diplomat of that name.’ “Well, we looked for bloodshed. The distinguished-looking stranger, however, re- garded the angry-looking little Englishman with amusement. Then he reached into the inner pocket of his long plaid ulster, took out a little gold card case, produced one of the coroneted cards and handed it over to the Englishman with a smile, but saying never a word. “The Englishman's face, when he read the name on the card, was certainly funny. “The Baron D—1" he exclaimed. “Why. good Lord, man, I have been looking for- ward to having a meeting with you ever since I began climbing mountains!’ and the apologies he made were of the most genuine character. In less than a minute the two men were off in a corner talking over the ascents they had made, and they were thicker than thieves in less than twenty-four hours. Every story related by the distinguish- ed-looking man was literally true. His father was one of the most famous of the world's diplomats, and the son had been stationed with his father from his boy- hood in most of the earth’s corners and had rounded out his experiences by a vast amount of traveling on his own hook. He is noted throughout Europe for his strict truthfulness. It was about as queer a sell as ever I experienced.’ I I The Lady’s Fan. From Pearson's Weekly. “S-s-sh!” he said when he entered the office. instinctively they drew near and awaited deyelopments. “I went to the theater last night. There was a lady with me. “After the theater we had a little supper. I have a very distinct recollection of that because I paid the bill.” “Ah,” chorused the ring of interested fel- low-clerks round him. “S-s-sh!”” said the man of mystery again. “Do you want to get me into trouble? ‘That supper has nothing to do with the story, except incidentally. But this morning. oa my way to the office, I found this in’ my overcoat pocket.” taii® Pulled out a handsome ostrich feather Fe DD Hee SRE Asc re PASS TRAN YBa AO IT cried everybody. " said the man who had been out, “suppose my wife had accidentally found that fan in my pocket before I start- ed for town this morning, what would she have said?” “‘What would she have said? with the accent on the “would.” “She would have said,” replied the man who had stirred them all up, as he put the fan back in his pocket, “she would have said as nearly as I can guess it now, ‘I'd like to know what you mean by carrying my fan loose in your pocket like that! Do you want to ruin it?” You see,” he went on, “‘she was the lady who was with me last evening. The arrival of the senior partner was the only thing that averted a tragedy. -—————_+0<—____ Some Animals Never Drink. they asked gcnia and certain gazelles of the far east. A number of snakes, Jizards and other reptiles live in places devoid of water. A Two Sides of the Case. Where shone the sun he dozed awhile, But presently an errant fly Who sought the moments to beguile Came confidently bustling by. He buzzed with glee And paused to see What share of comfort there might be. A merry quest he straight begen. “Confound a fly!” exclaimed the man. And then a rush of waving arms To swift retreat his ardor stirre But in the midst of dire alurms Remonstrazce faint but fierce was heard. ‘T#s surely fate This polished pate Was meant for me when I would skate. Yet nature's right he would deny! Confound a man!” exclaimed the fly. ries A Scientific Phenomenon. A colored woran, one of Washington's oldest citizeness>s, was needed by the housewife who employed ‘her. A considera- ble search discovered her hanging out of a back window. Repeated calling failed vo attract her attention, and it was not unfil the housewife took Hold of her shoulder and shook her that any response was elicited. “Deed, Mis’ Brown, you all oughter hyuh de goin's on! You orter hyuh em!” And she turned back to listen to the sounds of revelry from a parlor social which was belng conducted in an alley not far dis- tant. The hilarity was of a highly uncon- ventional type, and the phrases that floated out on the night air were startlingly pic- turesque. “Was you lis'nin’ to dat, Mis’ Brown?” she inquired, turning her head partly round, but never relinquishing her clutch on the window sill. “Yes,” was the answer, “and I am sur- prised that a woman of your age, and a church member at that, would stop to lis- ten to such boisterous and impolite re- marks. They are simply shocking.” “Dat's de reascn, Mis’ Brown! Dat’s jes’ whut de matter is. I hates ter stay hyuh whah I knows I has no bus’ness. But dis is de wust 'sperience I evyuh had sence I tuck hol’ er de lecturissity handles one time at a fair. I leaned out’er dis window befo" I spicioned exackly whut was gwine on an’ i put my han’s on de window-sill an’ de fus’ ting I know I wus so shocked dat I couldn’ let go!” * * * Fitly Spoken. They had fought long and hard ’gainst a treacherous foe; A foe with small claim to their pity— Whose friends were the fevers that ‘stalked to and fro Through the streets of each sepulchered city. ‘Twas the warrior-instinct that made them rejoice O'er the ships that were helplessly lying. Yet a swift silence came, There was heard but one yoi “Don’t cheer. The pcor devils are dying. ‘Tis some ancestor-savage’s pulses that beat When the frenzy of fight flashes o'er us. ‘Tis his yell that resounds as we seek to complete The hayoe outstretching before us. But 'tis manhood’s own mood that awakens a care For mortals in agony crying, And utters the warning that bids men to pray’r— “Don’t cheer. The poor devils are dying.” Oh, better by far than the splendor and song That the conqueror finds as his greeting, Than the golden assurances showered by the throng And the feme that ts fickle and fleeting, Is the promise that mercy with justice shall reign Wherever Old Glory is flying, As it echoes through ages again and again— “Don’t cheer. The poor devils are dying.” * x * Happy Days Gone By. “Times,” said Sehator Sorghum reflective- ly, “ain't anything like they used to be. There's too much fermality. We're getting to where the first thing that’s done when a good old-fashioned impulse asserts it- self is to tie some red tape around it and choke it off.” “You think we are getting slightly effete?” inquired the youag man who is learning the politics business. ndoubtedly. And the worst of it is, we are getting effete-er and effete-er. The people ain't governed as they ought to be. A whole lot of folks have noticed it. rn never forget the first time I ran for office,” he went o7 in a dreamily reminiscent tone. “There was one township that was dead against us. And we needed it. And we got it. But we Widn’t send around a lot preciated the expressions of loyalty and es- teem which had proceeded from Elderberry township, and that in my turn I proposed to show the citizens a good time. 1 in- fermed them that each of our ballots had a coupon which would be stamped by a man who stood just outside where he could ‘en deceived paper, and rer and his who were not itality could follow the to some other town and see it next Did it work?” Work! Several of the men on the rival ticket voted for us rather than miss the circus. But you couldn’t do anything like that now,” he added with a sigh. “Cir- cuses have gotten so big that nobody could afford to hire one for a whole day. And anyhow, everything is getting sort of com- plex and un-democratic * * * Something Missing. The shade of Alexander the Great was Wandering through the lower world with a copy of Lucian’s dialogues in one pocket of his linen duster and a modern newspa- per in the other. He exhibited the uneasi- ness and sadness of a man who has been for a long time hunting a cool spot and whose hopes are about exhausted. “What's the matter?” inquired Diogenes, who was sitting in the porcelain bath tub which he had always carried with him, and which he was permitted to enjoy ¢ here. “Haven't you learned yet that better to be comfortable than to be great?” “No,” was the answer. “It ts my old am- bition which still haunts me and makes me rable.” You're not bothering about that Iitle tilt you and I had when you stood in my > voting the wrong piece « h weuld admit the be family to the circus. Thc entitled to my ho: show sun, and I talked up to you, are you? You oughtn’t to take that to heart. Everybody whose opinion was worth anything under- stood that my press agent made ‘nora of a story out of the incident than there was any foundation for in order next lectur “You were welcome to the ad.” ou are not still sighing for new worlds nquer?” “No. But I'm disappointed in myse! I thought I was a great man. I have for om my centuries been looking at my pictures in classical dictionaries and. reading about my achievements till & entertained a very comfortable opinion ef myself. But my pride is humbied. I may as well own up. I'm good as far as I go, but my ree- ord’s incomplete “Why, you had all the tributes that any monarch had commanded up to your time, and more, too. “Yes; but I was born too soon. Nobody ever left my name out of an official report nor called we ‘Fighting Aleck.’ ” —s The Reporter's Revenge. If there is one thirg more than another that the fecund, fertile and fantastically fanciful reporter doesn’t have any use on earth for, it is the fatal blue pencil of the editor who shapes the destinies of the ris- ing reporter. On the oth and, there is nething quite so delightful to the editor in theory and practice as the blue pencil. With it, siting in his easy chair and pois- ing it along the lines of the enthusiastic and prolific youth, he can harpoon fancy alter fancy of the callow reporter and yank them inte oblivion; with it he can puncture the swelling sentiment of a whole corps of reporters and make the lurid descrip- tion of a fire look like a last winter’s ash pile; with it—but why dwell upon a sub- Ject so sad? Suffice it that the blue pencil is cne of the most deadly tools known to modern journalistic Iterature. But the blue pencil gets a jar sometimes. On the occasion narrated in this chronicle the editor was punching holes through the best piece of work the voung reporter, ju appointed to the staff from the hind ‘tie of counties, was sure he had ever done, and the helpless victim sat writhing in the corner watching him at his infernal orgy. “Ha!” suddenly exclaimed the editor with a fearful jab at the sheet before him and giancing o ‘ou Speak here, sir, vent on savagely, “of ‘the trembled the reporter. hat you mean?” Vell, I never heard of a teeming canal.” “No, sir?” ‘0. Will you be kind enough to explain, of clumsy and commonplac? agents with check books. Nor did we have to resort to any of the elaborate methods of surren- titious persuasion that I hear about so often and with so much pain. “How did you manage it? “Delicately. but thoroughly. We were a little bit annoyed at first by the fact that was only a small circus, but big enough to make trouble unless we headed off its sir, with what a canal does its teeming?” The idea, like all great ones, came with a rush to the reporter, and he saw his chance to rise on the wreck of the editor to the position of funny man. “Yes, sir,” he hestitated a moment be- fore taking the fatal leap. “Ah, indeed, do you? Will you be kind erough then to tell me?” and the editor poked the blue pencil viciously into the of- fending passage. “Yes, sir; mules,” responded the raw re- porter innocently, “you've heard of canal mules, haven't you?” and the editor was brave enough to admit that he had and to ask the reporter out to lunch with him, though the reporter never thought of that kind of teaming when he wrote the article. plitarcstintet: The Peril of the Suburbanite. From the Medical Press. Every year the buik of city men go fur- ther afield, and each morning and night perform their tedious pilgrimage to and from the scene of their busy labors. There car: be no doubt that constant railway trav- eling of this kind is calculated, sooner or later, to play havoc with the soundest con- stitution. While it is, of course, imposs' bie. to lay down any exact rule, st may be stat- ed generally that no such daily railway journey should be much over an hour in length, a space of time that is far more than enough to carry the citizen into pure air and the most sylvan of scenery. As every medical man of any experience can testify, the attempt to burn a candle at both ends, one in the city and the other ftty or a hundred miles away at the sea- side, has cut off many a valuable life in the flower of its maturing manhood. on