Evening Star Newspaper, July 16, 1898, Page 14

“I do not know that our people fully ap- so many privi- Preciate it, but they ha leges that their parents and grandparents id not have maybe they cannot,” remarked @ well-krown aged color:d resident to a Star rep rter. ‘These privileges are so many that I cannot enumerate them, even if I desired to do so. It was a very rare thing for a colored parson to ever enjoy the band concerts at the White House grounds on Saturday afternoons im the times gone by, not that they could not do so, but be- cause they were not allowed entrance into nds. Those who wre servants, nd the like could enter if they had jidren in their charge, but nothing else could secure admission for them. There were few who ever tried to get into the but if they did they would be un- able to do so, for the policemen at the gates observed the rule, though it was unwritten, there being no record t. Times have changed greatly since then, for on a recent Saturday afternoon there I think I saw mors colored than white people. Colored persons were never allowed to ride in the stages that were run Georgetown to the Capi- and P2nnsylvania avenue joat wharves before the street i. For a long time 23 were establish- aitted only to the on them a sign, onl It took years and they came one sons gradually hardly anybody The strange part of it is that NO one to be injured by it. I do not expect to live very long, but somehow I think I live long eno > see ail the churchs open to colored and wt It wil take such a revolution this about as ft did to get the colored race into the street cars, public buildings and the like, and I really think I'll live to see it, though I have never advocated i te ee “I will never forget Washington,” said Mr. H. R. Radcliffe of Chicago, who pre- sided over one of the branch conventions of the educational convention, to a Star teport nd I don’t think any of the dele Bates to the convention will, for they real- ized everything that they had antic’ ing here, and had a grand time in y way. But my reason for not forget- ting Washington dates back to August, twelve years ago, the night of the earth- quake, which shock up this section of co} se thoroughly. I was the guest of some friends in a large boarding house, who had prepared a nice lot of refresh- ments. After they were all eaten, I sug- gested me of the ladies that they go to a drug store near by to have a giass of soda water. It wes about 10 o'clock at night. There were about thirty-five board- ers in the house, though not over a half éozen had been in our party. As we start- ed to go down stairs, one of the Indies asked me who of the party were included in the invitation to have soda water, and I answered ‘everybody, all hands, come.’ We were all on the stairs and did not feel the shock, but by the time we had reached the er floor every man and woman boarding in the hovse was there, many of half-dressed condition. I had test idea that an earthquake and supposed because I had ody was included in the for soda water that they were ac in responding. Mutual ex- ed, though the entire were so alarmed that not one of them joined me in the soda water. I Rever have seen a soda water sign since that I did not remember that earthquake ticident and the many humorous things in with it. Ih rly the same ty with me a few ngs since, and though 1 said soda w them failed to respond that time, though it was about the earthquake hour.” Oe Kx x “The soldier boys of today are no worse or no better than the soldier boys of the last war,” explained an officer of the com- ral’s office to a Siar reporter, they growled a good deal the of weeks after they entered the there is no growling heard now. service, They first started out with the idea that they were going to be starved to death, and that it was thetr duty to howl before they died. In a little while that idea passed @way and then they began to kick because | there were not as many changes and va- Pietics in the bill ef fare es there are on the menus of the hotels. They were right and they soon found it out. . Many of them at least, found themselves that an elaborate ot esgential or convenient, and ave settled down to what they do fellows who thought they were ed to death on a ration of four- S of meat daily, probably twice rv more than ths same fellows onsumed during thelr previous ve since realized that they cannot y with it. It is difficult to get amount consumed, for there at Wasted now as there is y and will be tor some time 3 will run in better shape, to say that the average sol- es of meat each Weather was cool the not be eaten until ti w to eat it, as he has . Shave, dress and drill. As r gets warmer the consumption the entire southera country The fourteen ounces of bread or more than e ordinary sol- a day, as he hes found out sure, and that/1s that the not starve, even if had ever Ife, bh get dler can reduce one-half. Nine- grow fat on the re solid food than When they learn ney dishes for themselves there More complaint, and this they in time.” * ee Km ms of the new summer uni- army, and especially against the canvas uniform designed by General Miles,” explained an army officer to a Star reporter, “are nearly all made in ignorance of facts and requirements in the case. Nearly everything in connection with the army has been reduced to cold statistics, and it is these that govern such matters rather than theories. The ideal uniform The criti forms for @hould be suitable for the season and the Place an circumstances under which it is color should be that which mbles that of dried grass, so that soldiers wearing It would be as little im evidence as possible. The red and glar- orms of the British soldier of 0 has been entirely discarded by rnment, for the reason that it rly indicated the wearer to an ene- proved to be the most fatal color that has yet been devised. On the other t fes prove that the Austrian e least fatal. Where seventeen ing the British red fell by Ss of any enemy only seven who n, six and a half who wore who wore the Austrian General Robert EB. Lee, nVestigation into this mat- he was n charge of West Point, before War of the rebellion, made a Feport ‘or of gray eg the color for ‘Qnifor and ever since then the cadets at W set Point have worn uniforms of that jor. It was also for this same reason t General Lee adopted the gray-colored orm for the confederate army. The &k regiments of the country, the 7th ment of New York, the Sth Regiment Maryland, and others wore gray uni- ‘ims yeurs before the war in consequence © Generai Lee's report. There is no doubt that soldiers are hit in battle according to the .or of thee in the last war r again none of } | in the car down from Mt. Pleasant; INGS HEARD EEN» the Union cause lost many a thousand men who would not have been lost had the uniform been less decided in color. The dark blue uniforms worn by officers, the first two years of the war, were specially fatal, as they gave sharpshooters an easy way to di-’‘nguish officers. It is needless to say that the dark blue was very gen- erally discarded by officers before the war was over, especially for real engagement uniform. Any celor will do for parades, practice and the like, but when it comes to fighting that which makes the soldier less conspicuous is the least fatal for wal ‘The new canvas uniform affords less oppo! tunities to anenemy than any which has ever been designed, and from a distance an approaching army can hardly be distin- guished by the naked eye, because the color is so allied to that of the dried grass over which the army is marching. xk OK OK OK “There is a conflict among the standard writers on the subject as to the derivation of the dollar mark sign, $," explained a treasury official to a Star reporter, “and they seem to be getting farther apart all the time instead of approaching each other. The popular theory among the older authorities was that the dollar sign was made out of the letters U 8S, which were prefixed to the currency of the coun- try after the adoption of the Constitution. These letters were written hurriedly, and the theory grew that they eventually ran into one conglomerate letter or sign, and that the $ was the result. This was the generally accepted explanation until about fifty years ago, when a prominent financial authority advanced the proposition -that the dollar mark grew out of the figure 8, denoting a piece of eight reals, the dollar being originally called a pleco of eight. But there is no certainty about it, and as the dollar is clearly an American coin designation it seems strange that there never has been an official or authorized statement as to the origin or derivation of the mark.” x ke OK OK “““he law is very blank on the question Ww. ~h occasionally comes up, as to the legal right of a clergyman to marry him- } self,” observed a well-known lawyer to @ Star reporter. “Of course there are not many clergymen who have ever contended that they had the legal as well as the ec- clesiastical right to perform marriages, when they were personally parties to it, and there never will be, from the peculiar cir- cumstances of the case. As far as the laws of this District are concerned, however, a clergyman is just as competent to marry himself as he is to marry others, for the reacon that the laws do not say anything to the contrary, and the.clergy man’s certificate that the marriage has been performed is all that is needed to make it lawful. I am not up tn ecclesias- tical law to any great extent, and I am not able to explain the church ordinances, but as far as I can learn a clergyman of any of the leading denominations has all the church right to marry himself that he has to marry others. The court of queen's bench in Dublin, on November 16, 1855, had a case of this kind under considera- | tion, the only point in issue being whether @ clergyman could marry himself. The case was very fully argued, and is reported in the reports of that court and quoted by many English law writers. The decision was in the affirmative, and that is the law of England today. Some of the state laws may have thought it necessary to express an opinion in the matter, but I have never seen any. The case that I refer to is cited in the books as that of Beamish agt. Beamish. It was a proceeding for a di- vorce, fn which the question was raised that there never had been a marriage.” aS ea eens HE WAS NOT GLADSTONE, Which Was Just Why She Did Not Care to Listen to Him. remarked the early mornin; man ‘no, I can’t say that I have my wife trained as perfectly as I could wish to have her train- ed, or that I shall be so fortunate as ever to have her so, but there is a good deal of pleasure in trying to. It at least gives her an idea that she is not perfect, and as long a3 a man can keep his wife in that state of mind it is almost as much of a comfort as it is to havg her just what he wants her to be.” -Geehoolipins!” exclaimed a little san with a pale blue eye and a fidgety man- rer, “I wish I eould only get my wife to your way of thinking.” “Did you ever try?” inquired the early morning man. “Did I?” chuckled the little man, with a profound internal convulsion not ‘entirely clear to the understanding of his auditors. “I should say I did. It hasn't been half an hour ago. I had something to say to my wife on the lines you suggest, and was en- deavoring to get an opening for my re- marks, but she was talking to such an ex- tent that I had no show at all. Finally, quite driven to desperation, but not wish- ing to do anything violent, I merely gave her a hint of the situation by telling her that when Mr. Gladstone talked his wife always listened In silence. And did she take it as I had intended?” he asked of himself, with another one of those am- biguous chuckles. “Did she?” inquired the man, with much interest. “Did she?" chuckled “Well, says she to me, ‘I don’t doubt it at all, but think who it was that Mrs, Glad- stone was listenIng to,’ and then she went right allead with her conversation as it hadn't been within ten miles,”” ——— THE CARDINAL VIRTUES, early morning the little man. Cannot Get Them All for Thirteen Dollars a Month. One of the heroes now in Cuba doing his share of the suffering for freedom’s sake is given to indulging in the flowing bow not @ mild indulgence, either, but a rip- roaring, whoop-snorting indulgence that is simpl, terrific in tts mildest aspect. One day before he had floated over to the shores of the Gem of the Antilles the colonel of his regiment called him into his tent for the purpose of talking to him like a father, as he had known him for years. look here, John,” said the colonel, ‘What do you mean by this sort of “I mean to quit, colonel,” he responded. “You've sald that a million times. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. You are @ men of more than ordinary intelligence, you have nice people at home, you are of @ good family, you ere quick to learn the duties of a soldier, you are clean, you look well, you keep your accoutrements in fine condition, you are obedient, you are always willing to take your share of the hardships, you never complain, and, in fact, you aré @ model soldier with one exception.” “What's that, colonel?" asked John, just a shade leerily, it must be confessed. “You will get drunk. “Is that all, colonel?’ “That's enough, isn’t it?” John steadied himself by the colonel’s table. “Now, colonel," he said, as volunteers have a way of talking to their superiors, “if I'm all these good things that you say I am, why not let the drinking go with the balance? You don’t expect to get all the cardinal virtues for $18 a month, do you?” Se Americans Crowded Out, From Scribner's. As is well known, America was supreme in the Philippine trade from the opening of the export business of the Island on a large scale until within a few years. The reasons for the decline of American in- fluence were largely the drawing out of capital by the older members of the great American trading firms, and their leaving the business to younger members of their families, who found themselves with great responsibilities and a reduced capital. Gradually English firms, with abundant capital, succeeded to the bulk of the busi- ness. The last American firms In Manila were crowded out three years ago by Spanish intrigues, caused by the hatred of Americans growing out of the Cuban troubles. This overthrow was managed by the thousand and one petty annoyance: of legal machinery that the Spaniards ex- erted against American firms THE EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, JULY 16, 1898—24 PAGES. BOTH WERE GOOD TALKERS “I was ‘shipmates’ with ‘Fighting Bob’ Evans when he was a commander,” said the old sailor, who is now a messenger in the Navy Department, “and he was pretty nearly the right sort then, as he is 1ow, and always has been, for the matter of that. He had a pretty moving line of talk— I don’t mean soft and pathettc, but just lifting—when he had a hard nut up before ; him at the stick, and he knew English when he was a commander just as well as he Goes now that he’s a four-striper, He Wasn't what I'd call a cussing skipper, but he'd let out once in a while aid say some criginal ones that stuck, too, throughout the entire service. He knew how to appre- ciate a good command of sinewy Anglo- Saxon talk on the part’ of other folks, too, and the way he handled old Bumboat Kate showed it. “Bumboat Kate lived in Vallejo, across from the Mare Island navy yard, and she got rich bringing her small gear off to the ships lying at the yard docks. She was an extorionate charger, but the bluejackets stood for her heavy prices for the sake of blarneying her and listening to her humor- cus talk. She could get ft in for a blue- jacket that she didn’t lke and make him feel like a beach-comber with her tongue when she got ready, and no uaval sailor who had one encounter of this sort with Bumboat Kate hankered for another ex- perience, “My ship, with ‘Fighting Bob’ as the commander—this was a good many years ago—was lying alongside the Mare Island navy yard dock, and Kate was bumboating her. A lot of the quarantined men—fellows deprived of liberty and kept aboard for misconduct—were getting rum somehow or another, and turning up at quarters and drills in a pretty wabbly state. There was no accounting for the way they got their liquor. The steam cutter was overhauled every time she came off to the ship, and all hands were searched when they returned from liberty, but no smuggled liquor was found, and the mystery grew pretty deep. Then it began to be suspected that Bum- boat Kate was the rum smuggler, and a secret investigation was started. The offi- cers in charge of the investigation fastened the liquor smuggling on to Kate beyond a doubt, and Commander Bob sent forward for her one morning and told her, when she 2#ppeared in the cabin, that she was not to be permitted to bumboat the ship any lenger, and was not, in fact, to be hence- — allowed to come aboard the ship at all. “The old woman became enraged over this, and, letting caution slide, she boldly told Evens that she had smuggled the liquor, and she produced from beneath her shawl a dirty bag, filled with gold, which she said she had made in selling the smug- gled rum to the quarantined bluejackets. “Then she began to let out on Com- mander Bob. He sat in an easy chair in his cabin, twiddling his thumbs and taking it in. She started the skipper off as a middy and punctured his whole career. She bom- barded him for every year of his life with her terrific line of roasts, and he sat smil- ingly through it all. She shuok her wither- ed old fists in his face, and she cailed him every old thing in English and Milesian that she could think of, Commander Evans took out his penknife and began to trim his rails, and still the old liarridan went on. ‘There was a grin of eminent satisfaction on the skipper’s countenance—so the marine erderly at the cahin door told us after- wards—and he didn’t try to work in a word. The old woman finally, after fifteen minutes of steady roasting, became hoarse and wound up with a blithering"peroration. ‘Then she started for the cabin door to leave. = “Oh, I say Kate,” sald Evans, rising from his comfortable chair, “you're nct done al- ready, I hope, are you? Why, I thought you were a stayer. You ought to be able to keep it going longer than this. Oh, I say there, Kate—” But the old woman, turning around at the cabin door to shake her ist at him, bobbed out, got her wares together and pulled away from the ship. When she had gone, Evans Strolled out of his cabin with a reflective grin on his face. “She surely burnt you up, sir?” said the marine orderly, who, an old timer, was privileged. “Well, she’s got a direct way of speak- ing, if that’s what you mean,” replied Evans. eS PANBESA’S LETTER. An Account of an Egyptian City Thirty Centuries Ago. Probably the oldest letter in the world is the letter of Panbesa, written fiteen centuries before Christ, to his friend | Amenemapt, a scribe. The manuscript ts of perishable papyrus, apd it is amazing that it should have sur- vived for more than thirty centuries and_ still be legible. It is preserved in the collection of the Brilish Museum. It has been several times translated during the present century. It presents an interesting picture of life in Egypt in the time of Rameses Il. It is more in the nature of a literary produc- tion, @ poem composed in celebration of the visit of Pharaoh to the clty of Pa-Ra- meses, than an ordinary letter of today. Panbesa “greets his lord, the scribe Amenemapt, to whom be life, health and strength,” and then goes on to describe the verdant fields, the threshing floors, the vineyards, the groves of olives, the or- Chards of figs; the great daily markets, with their fish and water fowl and swarms of purchasers, The citizens had their “sweet wine of hemi, pomegranate wine and wine from the vineyards,” and to these they added “beer of Kath” ‘There was music in plenty furnished by the singers of the school of Memphis. On the whole Pa-Rameses seems to have been a pleasant place to live in. “The less- er folk are there equal with the great folk,” and Panbesa writes that {ts maid- ens were “in holiday attire every day” with locks “redolent of perfumed oil.” ——-e-.—. Opium and Wine in Tunis, The Arabs of Tunis give their children opium to prevent their crying. It is esti- mated that each child consumes, on an average, an infusion of one poppy-head every evening of its life up to the age of two years. No ill-effects are noted as re- sulting from this singular practice. The men of Tunis who are not Moslems are often hard drinkers. There are shops in the town where a subscription of five shilling @ month gives the right to come every day and drink as much as one likes. This is possible, as palm wine is very cheap and very strong. The Moslems are, of course, forbidden to drink wines or spirits, but in Tunis they frequently con- trive to reach the same ends by smoking @ preparation of hemp flowers. The mild- er kind is called kif, and when used in moderation, has no more effect than wine, but the concentrated essence, known as ehira, produces intoxication as quickly as raw spirits and leads to delirium tremens. ———— A Gentle Hint. From Punch, Mr. Gigiamps (who has been caught by Keeper with some fish in his basket under taking size)—“Oh—er—well, you see, fact is, my glasses—er—magnify a good deal. Make things look larger than they really are!” Keeper (about to receive smaller tip than meets the occasion)—“Ah! makes yer put down a shillin’ when yer means ‘alf a crown, sometimes, I dessay, sirs”’ KNEW Ay THING OR TWO A young Washington man whose wife went away for the summer a couple bi weeks ago wap haying a Httle fun up ai his home on Tet street fast Friday night— that is, he had thrge of his down-town chums with him in the dining room, and they were playing a Bit of a game of—weil, there were cl the table, bat some veopie use ch! fof! counters in playing euchré. The four men were in their shirt sleeves and each of ’em got u; occasionally and made a to the sideboard, where there was a ginger pop bottle or two and some sandwiches that. sort of thing. They were gel§ing elong first rate, when there was a loud ring at the front door bell. “The house .is. pinched,” said all hands in a chorus, orking up théir ears. The young married man looked a Dit puzzled. “I wonder who the dickens it 1s?" said he. “I've a good mind to let "em ring. | It's dark in the front of the house, and they'll think there’s nobody at What do you say, fellows?” “May be @ telegram,” said one of them. “That's so,” said the young married man, and he went to the door. Then the three young. fellows in the dining room heard this: > “Hellow, Jack, dear, Surprised to see me, you lovely old thing? (Queer oscu- latory noises.) But I was so worrled, Jack, about the way things: were running, and I was afraid old Mam Sue mightn’t be giving you enough to eat. And I just Wanted to see you, anyhow, and your let- ter telling me that you couldn't see me over Sunday just made me blue, and so 1 just came, so there, and no scolding! I'm going back tomorrow.” “Tickled to death to see you Toots,” said Jack. “Make yourself at home, Take off your things. Might as well stay awhile. Oh, I say, Toots, there’s some fellows back in the dining room—Jim and Bill and Tom. Just happened in in a bunch to see me. Thought I might be lonesome, I guess. Come on back and see ’em.” “Of course I will, the dear, good-natured things, to come and see you when you're lonesome,”” and then the young married man and his wife sallied aft to the dining room. All vestiges of the euchre game had disappeared. So had the bottles of ginger pop. “AS was saying,” said Bill to Fom, when the young husband and wife came into the room, “the investment’s all right from the standpoint of security, but a man ought to be able to get more than 3 per cent for his money nowadays. There are a lot of good things—why, Mrs. Jobson, you back? How do you do? Come back to sur- prise Jack? Well, ‘Jack's in luck, that’s all I've got to say.” And all three of the boys paid their de- voirs to Jack's wife, who knew about eleven times more than any of them thought she did. She sat down and lis- tened to the talk of the four men—very heavy business talk it was—for a couple of minutes, and then she went upstairs and dug out a few packs of cards. “I should think you boys would like to Play cards to pass away the time,” said she, tripping back into the room. “Would be a good scheme, wouldn't it, fellows?” seid Jack, “And I've always been just crazy to learn how to play poker, too,” said the pretty young matron. “Why not teach me now?” “Bully good idea,” chorused the three pals of the young married man. This 1s how the game happened to be re- sumed, “Jack,” said Mrs. Jack, after the game had gone on, with herself as a comfortable rner—this always happens—for awhile, ‘did old Mam Sne put anything cold to eat and drink im the! refrigerator before she went away ;this afternoon?” “Believe there:is something or other on "said Jack, jand his three pals didn’t crack a grin when they all caught his eye at once. Neither did Mrs. Jack “let on” that she saw the-empty bottles and sandwiches sticking out of the reposito- ries where the chums:of her husband had stowed them. Anothi feed” appeared on the sideboard, composed of moists and solids, just like the one that had been se+ creted by the pels ‘The game.'went on until about half after 11, the regular breaking-up time. anyhow, and all hands quitting even, which deesn’t often happen in a poker gamex 5: “Thought we'd--get it in the neck when I heard Jack’s wife's voice, didn’t you, fel- lows?” asked one of. them: ’on ‘the ‘way home. “ “I was hunting right,” replied one “I had the baek door all measured,”’ said the other. “Say,” one of them remarked after a little silence, “Jack's wife's the real thing, isn’t she?’ If I could get hold of one like that that ‘ud marry me I'd get spliced to- morrow morning before breakfast, wouldn't you, fellows?” “In a minute,” said the other two. “I'll bet those fellows are Praising you for not turning ‘em out of‘doors,” said Jack to his wife, after the boys -had left the house. “What for?” she asked. But Jack let tt go at that. ———__ QUIET ENOUGH FOR HER. home. for the+tall cactus alt When She Was Sensick She Had No Time for Anything Else. “Possibly,” said the Washington physi- cian with a fashionable practice, “the lady was from Chicago and possibly she was from New York. I am sure she was not from St. Louis or Boston, Whatever her place of nativity, she was in Washing- ton as the wife of an offictal of distinction, and her invariable good nature atoned for many things which would not haye been forgiven by society if she had attempted to be a leader Instead of submitting cheer-* fully to leading-strings. It was not true of her that in reply to a query as to the whereabouts.of her husband she had said he was in the laboratory taking a dilu- tion for in the lavatory. taking an abiu- tion; but she did say something to me one day that almost gave'me a nervous shock. She was talking of taking a summer trip abroad. “‘Ah,’ sald I, ‘how delightful that will be. Have you ever crossed the ocean? “‘Once, when I was a - girl," she sponded.’ “‘Are you a good sallor? “I should guess I‘wasn’t.’ “Do you suffer much from mal de mer?” “ ‘Indeed, dogtor, 10," she answered, with @ wry face. ‘I’m that busy being seasick a reves) pare a gee for any other com- plaints. That 1s the only recommen ti Seasickness has, I think.” maton, “Then sho. laughed with such delightful Innocence and good nature that I moved right .along-with the — conversation and hadn't a word of criticism offer," —_>——_+ Manila Hemp, From the St, Louis Globe-Democrat. Eyery engineer knows: what Manila hemp is, but few are aware that it fs the product of a species of babhna, Which 1s oultivated in certain localities tmthe Philippine Isi- ands. The plant,ccalls® by the natives “abaca,” “throws up a Cluster of sheating leaf stalks to a hetitht of twenty or thirty feet, which spread out, at the top into a crown of huge, undividedleaves. When it is three years old ® is down, and the stalks are torn These strips, while still fresh, are,drawn between a knife and a wooden blockj and:t¢he. soft cellulose matter is removed.e?Thetfber is then hung up to dry in the open-airruntil it is fit for use, Each stalk gives about a pound of fiber, and two natiyes-wili turn out about twenty-five pounds.adayis The inside fiber, which is thin and weak, ds tives for making articles ‘he familiar Manila ropeis made from the fiber of the outer layer, which ts hard and strong. The whole supply of Manila hemp practically comes fromthe Phillppines, and the United States consume 41 per cent of it. Last year this country took 417,473 bales out of the 825,020 bales exported, Great Britain coming next with 385,182 bales. ‘The continent of Europe took 22,378 bales. re Aa Arizona Hair Cut, “Doesn’t it disturb you when they have a shooting scrape: next door?* asked the tenderfoot who was undergoing an Arizona hair cut. > ua “Disturb nothin’!” answered the barber. “Tt gener’ly eaehes: fy costes At this’ ju the shooting began at Red Mike's. saloon next door. “Tha ten- pseebey red rose on. end, and yg arate trimmed it as. expeditiously ag if ~ were shearing a hedgehog. re- FOOL-KILLER IN DEMAND “ye been spending a few days and dol- Jars at the seashore,” said the man with the peeled nose in the lunch room. “I longed for the appearance of a large, husky and ferocious fool-killer on several océasions while I was down there. I think all ef the funny young men go to the sea- shore for a seven or eight-dollar whirl every summer, This is a great thing for the-communities in which the funny young men pass the remainder of the year, but it's a bad job for the seashore folks. “The first one of ’em I met up with got into our party somehow or another in the sailboat crabbing expedition. He was one of the supernumerary summer boys of oné of the girls in our gang, I believe, and that’s how he happened to be along with us. This Reube of the city couldn't find half enough fun to suit him in the mere game of netting crabs. He had to do some- thing with the crabs after he got ‘em in order to get his money’s worth. So he Picked out the nervous, skeery young wo- men in the boat’s company and put the big, adult crabs on their low shoes, or on the flounces of their dresses, or wrap- ped 'em in the girls ‘shawls and ‘fascina- tors.’ He did this surreptitiously, of course, for thé huge joy he derived in seeing the girls jump and screech when the crabs made their intimate presence known by means of their pinching appliances. The girls didn’t like this game a little bit, as is may be supposed, and they registered kicks over it that would have tmpressed a man with the sense of a pollywog. The jay kept right on tacking the crabs on to the girls’ raiment, until two or three of tne men gave the idiot the glitter look out of the tall of the eye, and quietly said,, ‘Just cut that out from now on.’ Then he sub- sided, sulky, and threw a suppressed gloom over the outfit during the remainder of the boating trip. “I ran across the girl-ducker half a doz- en times every day. The girl-ducker be- longs to the asinine type of metropolitan Zeke who wears a large, contented smile even when he sleeps. He shoves a girl's head under the water and holds it there until she has absorbed a couple of gallons of salt water, and he just howls with mer- riment. He lets the girl bob her head out of the water long enough for her to let out a shriek or two of genuine distress. Then he ducks her again. If a man would do a poodle dog of mine that way I'd lay him up. Yet there are thousands of yaps that go to the seashore every year, who think it’s just deliriously funny to ‘abuse women in this way. No girl thinks it's funny. How the deuce could a girl think it funny? But the girls resign themsclves to the ducking game, their intuition telling them, probably, that the ducker will be here as long as the world goes round. If the ducked young woman, after releasing herself from the clutches of the fool ducker, were to make for her bath room, put on her clothes and then, when she met the ducker again, tell him flatiy that she considered him a loafer and a feather wit, and that she purposed henceforth to cut him dead whenever she met him, per- haps the tribe of duckers would ‘get noxt’ to themselves after awhile. “It was my good fortune to see one of the boat-rockers La Bourgogned. That ts to say, he was chucked overboard, banged with an oar and made to swim for it. And it was dead right, too. I can't remem- ber ever having enjoyed anything more. I saw it from the beach. The boat-rocker was one of a party of six, three young men and three young women, and they Were returning from a row in tha inlet. Two of the young men were rowing, and the boat-rocker was doing the heavy, sit- ting around and cavorting before the girls. When the skiff was about two hundred yards from the beach I noticed the boat- rocking jay get up suddenly from his seat in the stern sheets, give a whoop or two and begin to sway the boat from side to side. The two young feliows at the oars apparently expostulated with nim, but he paid no attention to them, but went on trying to ‘throw the scare’ into the girls, and succeeding at it, too, judging from their screams. One of the rowers got vp deliberately, stepped lightly aft to the boat-rocker and knocked him clean out’ of the boat. Then he resumed his seat, picked up his oar, gave the boat-rocker & husky poke with it, and the boat ran into the beach, The boat-rocker swam in, a doleful sight, and wearing a very ‘I’m abused’ expression. Say, I took two more drinks than were coming to me, the ching tickled me so much. “The show-off, smart Alexander swim- met I saw a dozen times a day, He'd get "way beyond the breaker line and the life ropes, and then stick his toes out and float. Then he'd let a howl of distress out and make out he was going down. The life guards would put after him, and he would then bob up with his fingers at his nose. These are the ducks that get sent home to their people in pine boxes every summer. It gave me unspeakable pleasure to see two or three of them actually taken out in a drowning condition by the coast guards, and the thirty-cent look they wore when they were brought around was surely @ caution. “There {s an opening for a regiment of genuine fee-fi-fo-fum fool-killers at the seashore, all right, but nobody's optimistic enough to suppose that they'll ever turn up.” a IN A DOCTOR'S OFFICE, Mueh Time Wasted That Might Be Profitably Employed. “If I could have used the time I have spent waiting in doctors’ offices during the past two years,” said a lady who has been a partial invalid during that time, “in some employment, even humble in its nature, 1 would have had money to buy war bonds now, It’s curious, too, that I scarcely ever see the same people in the office. There are always new faces and new complaints, I presume. I have wondered why doctors do not utilize the check system which bar- bers adopt on crowded Saturday nights. When a patient comes in give him or her, as the case may be (and it ts oftener her than him), a number which will be called in regular order. Then one could take it, go shopping, or in the park, or anywhere rather than sit and wait hour after hour for your ‘turn.’ To me there is nothing more depressing than to sit in a doctor's office and see suffering patients go and come. Then you see people who look per- fectly well and wonder what ails them, All the various diseases people can have troop through your mind, and you really grow morbid over it. I think it leads to the continued ill-health of people to be com- pelled to wait, as they have to do, for the popular physicians.” Se Their Grudge Against Spain. Dr. Eastman, the Siowx Indian of South Dakota, who has been interested in the af- fairs of his nation -in Washington, was aske@ the other day what his people thought of the war. “Well,” he answered, “in case our people are needed they will go to the front. You see, we have a grudge against Spain. It was she who discovered the American con- tinent and enabled the whites to dispossess us of cur most valuable lands and push us out on the bleak and barren lands of the far west.” —— Chinese Passports, From the Baltimore Sun. A Chinese traveler applying for a pass- port must have his palm brushed over with fine of] paint, and then press it on thin, damp paper, which retains an exact impres- sion of the lines of his hand. Transference of the passport is then impossible, for no two persons have the same lines on their palms. * Terms. (Copyright, 1898, Life Publishing Company.) Sesame. If you only could find the fitting phrase When life's perplexities spread their snares! But we vainly search through a misty maze For the word which will lead us from doubts and cares; For the word that will linger yet leave no smart Tn a spirit proud or an aching heart; The word that will lead to the safe, sure way— If you only could think of the word to say! But you stand like the interloper lost "Mid countless wealth in the cavern gloom— And a breath, breathed rightly, is all "twill cost For happiness. And delay means doom. And you try in vain and you try again, Till you fear the echoes that mock your pain. And hope fades faint like the dying day While you're trying to think of the word to say. * * Well Nigh Brutal. He was a well meaning young man. He had a way, however, of standing by the side of a piano and rolling his -eyes at the chandelier while unsweet noises gurgied from his throat. Friends were too kind to suggest to him that his efforts were other than melodious. Such is the patient charity of this much maligned world. The man with tron gray side whisxers and an eagle eye showed signs of over- tested endurance. It was his daughter who was playing accompaniments, and it was his gas they were burning. “Did I understand you to say that you were going to sing “On the Banks of the Wabash, Far Away?” “When?” “Why, right away.” The questioner took out his watch and id: a Wvell, I'm afraid you haven't much time to spare. The next train for the west goes in less than three-quarters of an hour, and you'll have to start for the Wabash far ay, right away, if you’re going to sing there before the week is out. Gcod-py, I hate to have you cut your visit skort, but I wouldn’t have those folks on the Wabash, far away, disappointed for anything!” * x * Kissing the Rod. Oh, distant days of childish joy— Oh, days of childish pain, "Tis sweet when Fancy I employ To win you beck again. The school bell, with its warning call, The leafy truant niche Appear; and, best and worst of all, The Httle willow switch. No wizard’s wand was ever raised More potent or more grim Above some sprite, spellbound and dazed, Than that lthe, lingering limb. How my wild pirate mood would melt As I began to twitch With saintly yearnings, as I felt The little willow switch! What dreams of conquest and of gore Were swiftly made to flee As I was meditating o'er That kind, relentless knee! And felt, though I could not descry, The bannering beauty which Was, line by line, imprinted by ‘The little willow switch. When we the flashing sword extol And hail the mightier pen, And cheer the gun whose echoes roll Fierce o'er the paths of men, Let's not forget another source Of good results, so rith; That mighty civilizing force, The little willow switch! Glad, His big straw hat, with sloping brim, made him look like a giant mushroom as “he sat by the railway station on the end of an empty tomato crate, playing checkers. A woman drove up in a spring wagon. ‘Taking off her sun bonnet she shook it sev- eral times to attract his attention, but he did not happen to be l6oking in that direc- me Then she called in a shrill voice, “Josiar!” He looked up from the checker board and awaited further overtures. “Ain't you afraid you'll miss the train?” “It's im oe “How'll you git to town?” “Why didn’t you come over to Cousin Jud’s an’ git the wagon so’s you could go home an’ go to work.’ “It’s gittin’ kind o’ late, an’ I thought there wa'n’t no use 0” putterin’ eroun’ doin’ part of a day’s work. sort o” less: “ad “How did you come to miss the train?” pk Pk an’ s ni ime that it *em two or three letters an’ tell "em on the look out fur me about the ist of August.” She dismounted from the wagon, went into the store across the road and came out with an almanac. “The Ist of August comes on Sunday. she said. “Well, some other day'll do jes’ as well. “Friday's the only day as'll skeer you she inquired. “Well, Saturday ain't so very lucky nelther. They do say that when you start suthin’ on Saturday, ye're li’ble to die be- fore ye git it finished.” “I guess that's purty nigh true in your case. Look here; in August there's five Sundays, five Saturdays an’ four Fridays, not countin’ Thursday, the Lith, which I jedge is wuss’n all of ‘em put together.” He assented with a nod. “There's fifteen days,” she went on, af- ter a mental calculation, “or half t month when you don’t feel safe in doin’ ‘anythin’ He made no answer. “Well, jump in the spring wagon an’ less go home. There’s allus somethin’ to be thankful fur. I’m glad it’s superstition that ails ye and not laziness.” * x * A Timely Capitulatio: “My dear,” said Mr. Blykins enthusias- tically, as he spread napkin on his lap, “it will take only a few minutes each day— a half hour at most—and the result will be more than worth the trouble. To an educated ear our method of pronouncing these Spanish names must be something weird and barbaric. We must not be in- fluenced by the fact that friendship be- tween those people and us ts Impossible. Culture demands that we become acquaint- ed with the proper mode of speech. And what's life without cultu: “Are you going to study Spanish?” = e€ both going to study Spanish. I came home early so’s to get a start.” “When do we begin?” “Right npw. One of the hardest things to remember is that the letter ‘J’ is pro- ncunced like ‘H,’ and that sometimes the letter “G’ {s pronounced in the same way. “Why don’t they say ‘H’ in the first place?” “For the same reason that Homer's Iliad wasn’t written in Missouri dialect. It didn’t happen to come natural. After din- ner we'll take the book I brought home and go to work on the alphabet and gfam- mar. But there's no reason why w shouldn't practice right here in the meai time, so as to familiarize ourselves with the peculiarity I have mentioned. “Yes, dear; but hadn't you better e: something? ‘I suppose #0. But to tell you the truth, 1am not very hungry. I don’t want anything expect a little bread and butter and tea and possibly something sweet. By the way, have you any ham? “Why, you know, dear, ycu said only this morning that you were getting tired of ham.” “I don’t mean that. ham.” She looked greatly disturbed and he pro- ceeded indignantly. “Can't you understand? Or is this some hoke you're trying to play on me? thought we'd go at this business In a holly, hood-natured way!” Her face brightened. “Oh, yes!” she excisimed. you perfectly. “You mean natured way. “Of course I do. Perhaps if there isn’t any ham you will be kind enough to hive of that helly.” ed her hand over her brow and d dazed. What I want is “I understand ‘jolly, good- hats right!” he exclaimed, raising his j Yeice. “Don't you care. Let me starve Turn me out on the commons to eat tin cans like a billy hoat. Sit there like a H. anese idol or a Chinese hoss. By the hump- ing Heremiah—” Just then the voice of a newsboy who was crying an extra arrested his atten- ty He rushed out and bought a paper. “It's all right!” he exciuimed, as he came in waving it around his head like a flag. “Santiago has given in. Way don’t you join in and jubilate “I've gotten so confused,” sho answere meekly, “that I'm almost afraid to hoin in and huvilate.” “Agatha,” he said, gently, “as lone as Santiago has surrendered, I don’t believe there’s going to be enough of this war to make it worth while bothering. Won't you g@° to the cupboard and see if there isn't seme of that jam left?” ——-— Death Notices in Spain. From the New York Press. In the simple manner in which the Span- fards announce the news of a death are ilustrated the quiet taste of the Latins and the simpl» decorum with which their daily Lives are ordered. The form of notice that is used is cal- culated to warn the person who receives it that it is not a message of joy. A letter- carrier whose rounds take him through a place where a deceased person bad friends leoks like a bearse decked with impres- sive trappings. The size of these remarkable death notices does not depend cn the extent of the grief that is felt by the survivors, as cold-blooded Anglo-Saxons might think. It is established strictly by custom, and every man who gets the attention at all may be sure that when he dies he will be “notl- fied” to his friends just as elaborately a8 the best man in the country. The proper size for one of these Span- ish heart disease producers is a douole Sheet, 8x10 inches for each sheet. On one side are printed the remarks which the survivors feel called on to make. Then the sheets are folded and the address is written in a white space which has been left in the middle of a mass of black. No person can charge that he or she was taken by surprise by one of these death notices, for they can be distinguished a block away. It would be true economy if Spanish so- ciety would decide, in view of the war, to decrease the size, for there will be some de- mand for them. Education in Finland. Consul Smith at Moscow has made a re- Port to the te Department in regard to the education of children in Finland. “About 88 per cent of the population of Finland,” be says, “can read and write. There are 1,400 schools, supported tn part by the government; twenty-one of these. ‘re intermediate schools. Each of the 466 districts has an inspector besides a board of directors. Chiidren commence school at the age of ten; from seven to ten they re- ceive instruction at home from the parish priest. Co-education has been most suo- cessful in these schools. In Finland wo- men shere in all industries, and are espe- ctally capable as teachers. Both men and women teachers receive careful instruction and prepacation. Tney are treated with the greatest deference, ror are their duties confined to the school room; they exercise @ supervision over the selection of books for homé reading, and during the summer vacations they accompany the children on excursions, giving them lessons from na. ture.” —__+e -___ Why Good Swimmers Are Drowned. From the Atlanta Constitution.