Evening Star Newspaper, February 27, 1897, Page 14

. Work assigne:t . I can assure you that though the rest of | * thoroughly convinced + should be done. 14 THE EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 97, 1897-94 PAGES. | Schurz Written Exclusively for The Evening Star. “The scrub brush as a method of cleaning floors, though in extensive nse in this sec- tion of the country and even more so in parts further south,” remarked a New Eng- Jand lady who took a prominent part in | the recent motiers’ congress, “long since | went out of use in the New England states and never did have much of a place in the progressive new cities of the west. In its place, a mop at the end of a stick is used. ‘The mop does much better work, as we look at it, and besides can be used without | getting@down on all fours, which is hard work in itself. A woman can do double as much work with a mop and in half the time as can be done w the scrub brush. Personally, 1 had supposed that the scrub brush had gone out of use everywhere un- til I saw scrubwomen using it at the hotel where I am stopping and afterward In the corridors in one of the department build- Ings. It is twenty-fi behind the times, is untidy sults that a brush secures, years and does not secure the re- mop or long-handled scrub * * * * “There are quite a nember of one-armed clerks in the d sald an official, “and my experience ts that, taking all in all, the almost equal in every respect to those who are more fortunate. It is true that the one-armed clerk cannot do as much work as the clerk with two arms in the same amount of time, but it has been demonstrated time and time again that the one-armed clerks are more methodical in their work and more careful in doing it. They seem to give more thought to the them, which In the long | Fun counts up wonderfully in their favor. | Another peculiar thing is that those who | have a left arm are, as a rule, better pen- | men than those who have the right arm. The one-armed clerk ck more closely to his desk and in thi turn out more work than the average two-armed clerk. It is rare that a one-armed clerk ever gives out. I am in a room with one of them, and us occasionally tire out, our one-arm as- sociate has never been known to tucker.” x KKK “There are many strict constructions that have to be plac ter of passing J upon the law in the mat- pon claims upon the treas- explained a law clerk of one of the auditors of the Treasury Department, “and without-them there would be no end of | claims. As it they arise by the score | every day. The rule of the auditor's office fs to s stri possible, with the idea | that claims should be discouraged. Of | course, there are equities always involved, but the practice is, at least for the twenty years that I have been connected with the auditor’s office, to try to keep our eyes | shut to ther much as possible, and if | we learn any way to lean on the side of the @epartment. This kind of thing seems to grow on us, and often we are unconscious. ‘There is such a thing, though, as going in- to the ridiculous. It is a legend of the auditor's office, and I think {t is a fact, that on one occasion it was held by an auditor that an army officer was required to advertise for bids, before he could pay for extinguishing a fire. It appears that a wharf took fire and some men were called upon to extinguish it. They put in their bill, and the officer approved it and sent it on for payment. The auditor held that the officer had no authority to give out government work without requesting bids. There is no legal doubt but that the auditor was right, but under the circumstances it appeared ridiculous.” zeke ee “The White House may be enlarged some * said a member of the Senate com- mittee on public buildings and grounds, “put there will be some difficulty about it, for the reason that in the past at least the occupant of the Executive Mansion has never been enthusiastic about it, as far as he was concerned. General Grant was hat there should be an extension to its capacity, though he favored the idea of building a residence for the chief executive in some other section of the city and devoting the White House to an official rezidence only, for business and the social functioas which occur there. But he would not listen to the Idea of hav- ing either done while he was President. I talked to him several times on the sub- ject, but all he would say was that ft The present White House, | he sald, was good enough for him, though | he thought the sentiment of the country was in favor of a more commodious man- sion. The necessary appropriation could have been made any time he wanted it, but he would never say the word. “During Presideat Cleveland's first term there was no agitation on the subject what ever, and during the term which is now about expiring he has never uttered an off- cial sentence on the subject, though in private conversations he has said that the building should be enlarged. He has, how- ever, gone no further. Mrs. Harrison was enthusiastic on the subject. and even went | so far as to approve plans for an exten- | sion, which were prepared for her. These | plans now hang in our committee room, but that is as far as has been done, for the reason Harrison, like Gen- eral nt, 2 ald that the present White House good enough for him. Had he been one-half as enthusiastic on | the subject as Mrs. Harrison was the en- | almost fill the theater. : cycles, and hundreds of side issues in the ly, with the remark: ‘Well, Major Schurz, I am exceedingly glad to meet you.’ Sim- ple as that incident was, it made the shirt maker, and has been told over and over thousands of times. The man himself is known in a business way now as Major exclusively. Indeed, he advertises himself by that name. In Indiana Schurz is always pronounced as it is in German— shirts, ek Le “During the war the theaters here did an enormous business,” explained a theat- rical manager, “‘and at very little expense, comparatively, in the way of advertising. The old Canterbury Theater, which was then on Louisiana avenue near 6th street, spent but little money in the way of ad- vertising, except by a parade of its orches- tra with brass instruments every evening from Willard’s Hotel to the theater. In front and behind two large transparencies were carried, announcing the attractions there. Before the band would reach 6th street there were often enough followers to Ten minutes after the band started from Willard’s a singer would put in an appearance on the corner, and for ten minutes or more he would sing an advertisement of the attractions at the Canterbury, where a variety performance was given. Kate Pennoyer was the Lottie ‘ollins of that day, and I remember the singing advertiser used te sing of her— “‘Miss Kate Pennoyer, Eight squares below here. Oh, how I adore her!” “Did we put a street singer out now, he would be run in by the police as a nul- sance.” * ek KK * “In the matter of receipts from patents, the patent office is 4 good many thousand dollars on the right side from bicycles,” said an official of that office, “‘and the end is by no means in sight. Thirty-five letters patent bring in one thousand dollars, and there is scarcely a month nowadays that that amount of money does not pass over our counter. There are almost as many different kinds of saddles as there are bi- way of tires, tire cures, parcel carrier: umbrellas, repair tools, &c. The bicycle It- self 1s almost free from patent, and peo- ple can make any kind of a pattern of wheel they see, Lut they don’t do so, be- cause they can buy the wheel made much cheaper than they can make it, Next to electricity and the thousands of kinds of machines, plants and apparatus that it has brought into use, the bicycle has done the most in the way of increasing the receipts of the patent office. A person would think that everything desirable abcut a bicycle had been invented and patented. Far from it, there are more patents pending today than any month since the wheel came into public The policy of the patent office is to patent everything for which a patent is asked, whether the thing patented is practical or of value or not.” ke KOR “It is the popular belief,” says an old resident, “that the piles in the Eastern branch crossing from the intersection of Pennsylvania and Kentucky avenues and K and 17th street southwest are all that remains of the bridge destroyed by the British in August, 1814, when the Capitol was burned. As a matter of fact the burn- ing of the bridge was the work of a party of marines, under orders of the command- ant of the navy yard, Commodore Tinge: and the purpose was to check the advance of the British. It was only partially de- stroyed, and having been repaired it form- ed one of the lines of communication with the branch section of Prince George's coun- ty till its total destruction in 1846. «This bridge was built under an act of Maryland of 179% incorporating the Eastern Branch Bridge Company. The bridge at the foot of lith street was built about 1820 Mark Hanna Showed That He Could Still Spin. “The top season is now at its height here,” remarked Maj. Frank McLaughlin, “and I notice that the boys take as much interest in It as boys did when I was of the top age. It may be of some interest to them to know that Mark Hanna, who will succeed Senator Sherman in the Sen- ate, was a famous top spinner in his days. I was a boy with him, and know where- of I speak. Recently, when at Canton at Maj. McKinley's house, he spoke about tops, noticing some boys out in front of the McKinley house pegging away with their tops, and ventured the opinion that he had not forgotten how to do it. Maj. McKinley made a wager that Mr. Hanna could not make a top spin, and Mr. Boyle, who acts as Maj. McKinley's private sec- retary, got a top from his son, and the wager was settled, Mr. Hanna demon- strating that he could spin it, though he could only spin it girl fashion. Three months ago I was in Paris, and though I had often heard of whipping tops, I never saw any of it until then. The boys in Paris know nothing about spinning tops with strings, as the boys of this country spin them. Instead, they use a whip, a jong lash tied on the end of a stick, an@® with this they whip their tops into a spin, | and propel them about the streets spinning. |I have seen boys there whip their tops along the concrete streets for several | blocks without their stopping spinning. | They never ‘plug’ tops, as our boys do, but | content themselves with whipping them along, the effort being to show which can whip tops the greater distance. The French tops are heavier and more clumsy than the tops used in this countr; Giving the Facts. From the Chicago Record. “Seribbs, I have accepted a position in an insurance office.” “Yes; they told me that you begged for it and were glad to get it.” + ee How He Felt. Jargement would have been accomplished | From Life. before now. I don’t think that Maj. McKinley has given the subject any thought since he has been elected Presi- dent, and don't know what he will do, if anything. about the matter. But I have been told by a brother senator that he has said, ‘Yes, there ought to be a new Executive Mansion or an extension of the present one, which ts to me the most de- sirable idea, but I'l worry along as it is.’ ** eK * “Chilblains are confined to the feet,” re- marked a physician, “but there is a similar thing that happens to the hands every now and then, and especiallly with the ladies who are not called upon to expose them- selves as much to the cold as men are. The first symptoms are an abnormal swelling of the hands, followed by the hands becom- ing very much bloodshot in appearance. After that there is an intense burning pai: There are all kinds and sorts of remedies for it, but I think the simplest and best is to dip the hands into a basin of cold water and keep them there for a couple of min- utes. Then dry well and rub some cologne, bay rum or witch hazel on them.” ee eR tress ts thrust upon some men, and it sticks to them for a long time after- ward,” volunteered a member of the na- tional republican committee, “but I never knew of a more marked case than one which happened in Indianapolis about six years ago. The man on whom greatness fell is a shirt maker, now known as ‘Major Schurz,’ and he has been doing a remark- ably fine business in his line since. Ht hap- pened in this way: The late James G. Blaine visited Indianapolis, and while there he had some shirts made by a local shirt maker. The last time Mr. Blaine was there a public reception was given and a large concourse paid thelr respects. Among them was the shirt maker. He had been introduced, but it appears that Mr. Blaine did not catch the name, so he asked, ‘What Wame, please? 1 did not catch it.’ The gbirt maker responded pleasantly, but still Bot planly, except that he said: ‘I made fad shirts" Mr. Blaine, thinking he said, ‘m Major Schurz’, grasped his hand kind- “I say, Jones, do you never hunger for the good old times you had at college?” “I frequently thirst for them, Brown.' Almest Becomes Food for an Emotional Romance. “"W. H. Atalie, New York,” was the way it looked on the hotel register as The Star. reporter saw it, and a Beautiful work of art in clothes it looked as the reporter bowed to ft in response to an introduction from the clerk. But it musn’t be called “it” any longer. The drummer, for a drummer he was, was representing a New York clothing firm, and it ts putting it mildly to call him a “loo loo.” He knew everybody, had been every place and seen everything, and he was more brilliant and attractive than his clothes, which is the very superlative of compliments. “But the oddest experience I ever did have in the whole course of my long and eventful career,” ne was saying «fter say- ing enough to fill a book, “happened to me down in the state of Kentucky. I had stopped off a train in the morning to see a new man who had written for me to come, as I did not make his town, and, after sell- ing him a good bill, I was at the station to catch a train at 5 o'clock. It was a pleas- ant afternoon in October, and I was sitting on a truck on the platform waiting, as the train was behind, when I noticed a very handsome young lady drive up to the plat- ferm and get out of a stylish village cart. “She struck me particularly because I had seen her in front of my customer's place just as I was leaving, and I thought she had half smiled as I passed. However, being a modest man, I passed on without observing that part of it further. The clerk whistled long and low, like a Pirate, but the drummer never ineeded the irsinuation. “When she got out of her cart,” he con- tinued, “she came directly to me, smiling now in the friendliest way and extended her hand. “I thought you were the one when I saw you up town,’ she said, ‘but I was not sure, and while I was hesitating you es- caped. You know papa is expecting you out to supper, and I have come for you. “I was knocked clear off my balance. “« ‘J—I—I beg your pardon,’ I stammered, ‘but I think you are mistaken. It must be some other person you are expecting.” “You are Mr: Atalie of New York, aren't you?" ‘es—er—er—um—but—-" “-Then, of course, there can’t be two of him in so small a place, and you must g0 with me.” “She laughed and led the way to the cart and I had to go, though I did take time enough to have my baggage looked after till I got back, if I ever got back, for I didn’t know what was up. But there wasn’t any sign of danger as we drove along a beautiful turnpike through a rolling, blue grass landscape that was like a slice out of the promised land, and my companion was delightfully hospitable and so charmingly chatty that I concluded there was no mis- take and that some of my friends were playing an elegant joke on me. “Arriving at last at a fine old place about a quarter of a mile back from the pike my fair driver turned in the wide gate and bowled up to the great old pillared portico with a flourish of trumpets, so to speak. A colored boy took away the horse and I was ushered into the big hall and introduced to the father, who seemed glad to see me and bewildered me that much more by saying he had been expecting me and that he was afraid his daughter would not be able to recognize me and.a lot more of the same kind. “By this time I thought I had got into a lunatic asylum or was a twin without knowing it, and these people knew the other one, but before I could get my wits well into bearing the young lady excused herself and disappeared up stairs. As she went out of sight and hearing I could see by the father’s face that it was now my time to explain, which I did, and he in the gentlest. nicest way a man could possibly have done, told me that his daughter was suffering with a peculiar form of dementia and that she had on one or two other occa- sions brought strangers home with her as she had brought me, though as a rule she was always accompanied by an attendant, who managed to explain the situation in some way so as to prevent embarrassment. In this instance she had escaped from her attendant. “He insisted that now as I had missed my train I stay and take supper with them, which I did, and remained until 10 o'clock that evening, when I was sent back to town in a carriage. The daughter never once showed the slightest sign of mental aberration, except in so far as treating me as a friend of the family, and an allenist would not have been able to detect any- thing wrong with her mind to have listened to her talk and to have heard her play and sing. “I am going back there in April,” he con- cluded, “to call on the family as if nothing had happened, and I'll bet a fifty-dollar suit of clothes the girl won't know me.” OREGON WOMEN. How They Were Conxed Into the Ter- ritory in Early Days. “There are plenty of women in Oregon now,” observed a prominent Oregon poll- ticlan, who is here to see that that state is not forgotten in the matter of patronage during the next administration, “but it is within the memory of many of us when women were very scarce there. We gave it out that we wanted them for school teachers and the like and encouraged them to come out there, but the truth was the men wanted them for wives. I remem- ber once we sent a young man to Massa- chusetts, where he was well acquainted, with orders to collect 100 young women and to escort them back to Oregon. We guar- anteed every one of them one year’s em- ployment. The active man in the matter was a fine-looking young man, who after- ward served two terms in Congress from our state. He spent two months in select- ing the party and started west with them. On the trip out he courted one of the school teachers on his own hook and actually got her consent to a marriage on the arrival of the train Portland. The boys howled considerably about it, claiming that he had treated them unfairly, in having first choice, but there was a lot of fine marriage- able material left. Some of those women are todey the leading ladi¢s of the society of the state. More than three-fourths of the hundred were married inside of three years, and many in less than one year. A few of the lot, however, are teaching school there today, not that they did not have any offers, but because they would not accept any of the fellows who offered themselves Now that Senator Mitchell has about gives up his contest to return as senator, he will likely be succeeded by a gentleman who married one of the party of school teachers [ to which I refer. He will bring his wife here with him, and your Washington folks can see for themselves the kind of ladies we had out there for school teachers. They can’t be surpassed even if equaied anywhere. I may be an interested person, though, for it happens that my wife was ore of the same party.’ ——————— MR. CLEPHANE’S FAIRNESS. How He Treated a Rival Newspaper im News Matters. “The late Lewis Clephane,” says one of his old friends, “was a busy man all his’ life. It is not generally known that he was at one time an avenue merchant, having in the 40’s entered the lace and notion bus- iness on Pennsylvania avenue between 9th’ and 10th streets. This he gave up when he became the business manager of the Na- tional Era, of which Dr. Gamaliel Balley was the editor; and te being of the same political belief as Dr. Baley, he greatly as- sisted in founding the party which espoused the then advanced ideas promulgated by the paper. After the death of Dr. Bal- ley in 1859, he, with others, established the National Republican paper, and was connected with it until he received the ap- intment of postmaster of this city. He, jowever, never lost his interest in the party he helped to form. Although he was small and slight physically, he showed in. the attacks on the Era office, early in the 50's, and on the Wigwam, corner of Indiana avenue and 2d street, during the Lincoln campaign, tl he possessed a courageous spirit. An instance of his fairness came to me when he was connected with the Re-- publican. The newspaper men knew that he was likely to receive certain news, but expected that he would give the Republi- can the first show. A Star man was fot- it LITERATURE AND HACK WORK. The Two Himsz of:Literary Labor Def- initely SetcFerth by an Expert With an Example. 6 .. Washingtoy’ has*& novice in literature. (j'° *, : It may have.a dozen-or'two dozen, for that matter, probably has, but there ts only one of Whoth the following tale is told, and this may be voliched for... Now, the novice has a friend, who comes down here @rcasionally from that heaven of the intellebtuals Boston, and this friend had met one\partignlar Washington friend of the novice; and,sather admired him, be- cause he seemed toybe somewhat of a prom- ising flower #n the fteld of literature, as we know literature in Washington—contrasting it with Boston, The frien@iwas taking “pot luck" with the novice in his den one day at noon, and they were talking. “I was just thinking,” sighed the novice, as he poured out a bottle of beer, “of the dear young fellow whom you met when you broke bread with me here last.’ “The soulful youth,” ingpired the. friend, “who vowed upon a stack of lilles higher than the monument that come what might come he would never degrade his sublime ideal by the gross application of his genius to hack work, as so many did?” “As Tam compelled to do,” sighed the. novice, making a lightning calculation as to how many more verses of poetry he would have to write to pay for the beer his visitor was drinking at that very mo- ment. is He the one?” asked-the friend again. “He is.” “To judge from your gloomy thoughts,” said the friend, “I should say he had at deat been’ forced to this ultimate degrada~ one 4 “Worse,” groaned the novice. “Could there be anything worse than hack work?” exclaimed the friend. “Yes,” hoarsely replied the novice, with a weird shudder. “Hack work isn’t in {t a minute; he is driving a street car in Balti- more."” the field of It was a wreiched kind of a pun, of course, kut the friend with religious care took it back to Boston with him, and it is probably being worked there now at least ten hours a day, and boarded on beans. A SAD WASHINGTON YOUTH. A True Tale of the Dreadful Blow In- flicted by a Sensible Again it is a Washington girl. This time she comes to the front, as usual, with flying colors, and the man in the case 1s, metaphorically speaking, laid up for repairs. Who she is the chronicler cannot desig- nate by name, but she ought to have a monument dedicated to her and be other- wise heid in remembrance of all sensible people. One day last week as she passed by a window where various ‘chappie young gen- tlemea congregate one of the gazers heaved @ sigh so much deeper than he was that it seemed entirely out of place. “Oh, I-say, Chollie, old boy,” chaffed a chappie near him, “it isn't so bad as that, is that?” “I was not thinking of the young lady at all, sir,” responded Chollie, with inexpressi- ble dignity, “if it is that to which you are referring.’ a “No?” laughed the other. “I beg your pardon, old man, I thought you were more than devoted to her. What has happened to mar the beauty of your love, so “to speak?” Chollie, making a very evident effort to repress his feelings, arose and fairly strode up and down the room. “Really, don’t yow know, old chap, I was being imposed upott;’” he said in a burst of contidence, after he had stridden off a por- tion of his ébulliénce. “You know the flowers and tHe candy and the books and the theater tickets ‘and all that of which she was the beneficiary at my. hands?” “I should sty I did,” assented the other, mpatheticaliy. “I thought you'd go Lroke if you Kept ft up much longer.” Chollie stopped striding and leant over the back of a‘chair. “Well, do you knw, after all that,” he said in a tone of scorn and sorrow and dis- appointment nd a dozen other contempo- raneous human emotions, “she was talking with a mutual ‘friend two days ago, and she referred to me as’ ‘that cigarette holder.’ Now, don’t fou consider that’ a positive outrage upon’my fitter sensibilities?” And. the syihpathfzing friend gasped and looked out the ‘Window, but the girl was out of sight. gets a Indeed, she was He ew the Road. From the Yonkers. Statesman; f “Move forward, please,” said the conduc- tor in the crowded cable car. “Not on your life,” replied the gentleman addressed, tak- ing @ fresh grip on the strap. ‘‘But there are gentlemen on the platform who wish to get in,” continued the collector of fares. “Well, they can’t have my place. This lady is my wife, and I know this road from start to finish. If anybody is going to sit in her lap this trip. I'm that person. I’m onto this road's curves.” A Soft Answer. From the Cleveland Plain Dealer. At a little up-town card party a night or twe ago whist was the game. All the play- ers were experts except one lady. She play- ed in a decidedly erratic way, and finally, with diamonds trumps, she trumped ciubs the first time round. A little later on she herself led a small club. “Why, hold on,” said the other lad; “you just now trumped my ace of clubs “Yes,” said the club trumper, “I remem- bered—wasn't I lucky?” What can you say to a player like that? Heard on the Outside. From the Chicago Tribune. “Isn't it a disgraceful surprise to see per- sons whom you would take to be reputable citizens perjure themselves on the witness stand to save the worthless life of a mur- derer?”” “Perhaps, but think of the depravity of a lawyer who ‘hires them to do it.” “Yes, but there’s no surprise in that.” ss + eo & Happy Thought. From the New York Tribune. Assistant Editor—“There’s nothing to fill the severth column, sir.” Editor—“‘Tell_the foreman to set a lot of type at random, and we'll call it a Scotch dialect story, -——_——+e. She Had Her Doubts. From the Tammany Times. It was on an ocean steamer and the weather was pretty rough. ‘Could you keep @ secret?” he whispered. ‘I am not quite sure about my being able to keep anything, any more,” she replied doubtfully. —— or Much More Important. From Truth, yi. He—“Didn’t you promise to and-obey me?” = *5 Y She—Heavel only knows what I prom- ised. I was listening to hear what you Dromised.” .j, sr love, honor A’Straight Tip: From the Detroff;Free Press. “Goin’ skatmn’ ‘fore long?’ asked little Jimmile of hisiéister™’ beau, who was wait- ing in the paripr. ‘., “I don’t skafp, my,boy. Why?’ ‘I heard: Jegnie gay if you wanted her you'd better -geitin’ your skates on, ‘catse they was others.” © 3 soe Seen A Platisiblé Explanati From Leslie's Weekly. 5 thon & " JOHNSON? Written Exclusively for The Evening Star. Prom, ly Resented. The incident was like the interruption which a thunder storm in the mountains makes in the gentle melodies of shepherds. The young man could not realize what had happened until it was all over, and ne has wasted valuable hours trying to write a letter that would cause a reconciliation. She is a bright girl. If she were not she could never dispiay so much ingenuity in finding cause for indignation. Up to the catastrophe conversation had been con- ducted in tones of dove-like amiability. She happened to cough slightly, and an ex- Pression of alarm crossed his face. “You have a cold!” he exclaimed. Yes. But it isn’t serious.” “No one can speak with certainty in a matter of that kind,” replied the young man, whom she has often blamed for his extreme practicality. “Any cold is serious. It may progress until it wholly undermines your health. I hope that you will take care of your health; if not for your own sake, for mine." “For your sake?’ she repeated. Her teeth slowly clenched, and she added, measuring her sarcasm out syllable by syllable: ‘Perhaps I am not so dull as you believe. I—think—I—un—der—stand “Of course; I am interested in your wel- fare.” “You are accustomed to take things very literally.” “I never claimed to be any creature of fancies,” he replied, apologetically. “And, if you have not misquoted him, my father told you the other evening that I am worth my weight in gold. “I was afraid of it!” she went on, re- straining an argry sob. I knew that men are mercenary hypccrites as a rule, and you are no exception. You've heard that old story of fathers puttirg their daughters on the scales and balancing them with money fer a marriage portion, and you are getting seared for feer I will get thin before the wedding. I release you. We were not in- tended for each other. Your affinity is some girl who will consent to eat nothing but potatoes ard other fat-producing foods and use ced liver oil as a bey-be * es A Family Difficulty. “I don't much keer what it is,” he was saying to the boss of the section hands on the railway. “Anything, s'long’z it’s work. As for pay, all I want is enough to buy me vittles an’ a place to bunk in- doors if it rains.”” “I might get you a job ten or twelv miles up the road, mused the boss. “I ain't got the slightest objections to travel. In fact, I ruther like the idee of gittin’ a long ways from home. How many hours a day will they let me work?” “I'm afraid you will have to work about ten hours on an average.” “Tea hours! It’s a good deal, but they're trying to rush thing: “A good deal! Why, mister, ten hours a day won't be time enough to give me a chance to forgit my troubles. I'm a terri- ble light sleeper. If I can't be kep’ busy fourteen or sixteen hours at the lowest calc'lation, I'll have to keep a look else- where.” “What was your previous occupation?” m a farmer. I own a plece o’ ground up_yon “Why don’t you stick to it, then, instead of trying to get work on the railroad? “It's the old sad story,” he replied, wip- ing his eye on the corner of a red hanker- chief. I'm goin’ away on account of do- mestic trouble. I told the ol’ lady, day be- fcre yesterday that I reckoned it was time we had a few flapjacks for dinner. What d'ye thirk she said? She up an’ tol’ me that ef I wanted flapjacks there was the griddle an’ there was the ingrejints, an’ I could he'p myself; she wasn’t goin’ to cook any more, owin’ to my havin’ found fault with the last ones. I argied with her, an’ she got mad an’ riled me more'n I ever was riled before. So I went into the woodshed an’ got an’ old musket an’ tol’ her that life with a woman that wouldn't mind her duty in a little thing like flap- Jacks wasn't wuth livin’ nohow, an’ I reckoned I'd put my toe on the trigger an’ stop the whole difficulty. ‘What did she do then? ‘She grabbed the musket an’ stood ft in the corner, Her manner changed right off. She laughed -an’ tol’ me not to be a fool, but to go ahead an’ git the chores done. So I went out an’ straightened everything up an’ come back into the house, expectin’, of course, the first thing I did would be to smell flapjacks.” “Were you disappointed?” “Completely. ‘Wal,’ she says, ‘hev ye fed the pigs?’ I told her I had. ‘An’ milked the cows?” ‘Yes,’ says I. ‘An’ washed off the buggy an’ cleaned the horse an’ put a new hinge on the chicken house? says she. I told her I'd done everything. Then, after thinkin’ a while, she remarked Wal, I guess that’s all. Here's the only, fur goodness sake, go off a long from the house where it won't make so much difference how ye mess things up.” * x * Trials of a Patriot. “Don't worry about the weather we'll have on the 4th of next March,” said the man who is nothing If not patriotic. ‘Rain, hall, snow and thunder storms all at once couldn’t prevent it from being a grand oc- casion; one that will live in the memories of our children and in the annals of the world.” He had evidently started in for an ora- tion, and as diverted from it by the fact that in his enthusiasm he had waved his fork on high and dropped a spot of gravy on his forehead. “The decorations will be very profuse,” remarked the young lady who ts studying art, “but I can’t say that they meet my exact ideas of beauty in all cases.” “But think of the glorious mottoes. Don’t be satisfied with merely looking at the ex- terior of things; read those grand old leg- ends that will be displayed on every thor- oughfare, and feel the thrill that animated the young man with straw-colored hair. “And how fittingly they express the tem- per of our people! How appropriate they are in every instance. Take that of Mary- land: ‘Increase and Multiply.’ “Did you ever own a farm in Maryiand?” irquired the man who always looks dis- ccuraged. “Well im be ion, but “Well, my case may be an exception, but I must say that motto doesn’t fit my farm.” “Then, there's the watchword of the ers and yet show such indignation. I sup- pose she reserves her moral energy for tyrants exclusively.” The face @f the en- thusiast showed signs of discouragement, but he ignored the interuption and pro- ceeded: “Then there's that of the District of Co- lumbia: ‘Justitia Omnibus.” “Humph!” exclaimed the High School girl. “I don’t think that’s a good one at all! Anybody who has stood up in public conveyances as often as I have will know that an omnibus is the last place in th world where you are likely to get justice It took the patriot several seconds to rally this time, but he went on: “Every one of them fs an epic poem in itself. In this era of light literature I love to recite these condensed classics over and over again. New York’s word of noble as- Piration: ‘Excelsior!’ Rhode Island’s simple message: ‘Hope!’ that sturdy admonition to the nation, pronounced in fraternal unison by Kentucky, and Missouri: ‘United we stand; and divided we fall! There is not one of them which does not speak to me h vivid inspiration.” he young man with pale eyes, who has an unbroken record for stopping any con- versation in which he joins, spoke up: Colonel,” he said, “it seems to me that you have skipped one of the most import- ant inscriptions of the whole lot. It must be exceedingly popular, for I see it two or three times every time I turn a corner.” “Which one is that?” “Rooms for rent.” * * * -Mr. Dolan and High Art. rez ought ty hov cem along wid me ty the new art galler: said Dolan, retlective- “Ye missed a treat Did they bar thin?” “Oi hov rifferince to }\ anintilleckchil AN treat.”” “Dolan,” replied Mr. | Rafferty, handing | back a piece of tobac- co, from which he had just whittled a hov a pipe-full, “you re- moind me, more than ava whuskers. They're me own. Of've raised ‘em an’ tinded ‘em, an’ Of'll hov no more threspassin’!"” “Oi didn’t mane thim. What Oi wor spak- in’ av is the way yez go browsin’ around. Nothin’ y faze ye, from scrap-iron ty bric “Brow a bit yerself, Rafferty. It'll do ye good. Any donkey kin hang over the manger an’ wait ty be fed. Shun, OF wull admit, in all fi % thot it wor owin’ to an unintinch’n: intation that Oi made the thrip. the conthractor, had it in a round-about way thot there wor some illigant shtudies in plashter t found there, an’, plashter bein’ some in the loine av me own profess thought Oi'd go an’ hov the bene! latest oidee: “O1'd niyver let ony man take the chredit av tachin’ me ty mix mortar!” “Oi had me doubts. But Oi found whin Oi got there, it wor the statues thot they called plashier by rayson av their bei made av plashter av Paris.” “Av coorse, w the discontented Joinder: “av coorse. “Washington pla: delphy plashter or New Yor plashter wouldn't do fur ‘em. It’s got ty be somethin’ imported.’ ‘ “Rafferty, if your moind goes an this way, gittin’ narrower an’ narrower, ye'll fali down an it wan o’ these days an’ cut perself. "Twor nothin’ fur the union ty e at, Oi tell ye. They were only r statues. “Of've heard ay thim. Some av * tousn’s an’ tousan’s av years old. “Oh, you're the boy fur gittin’ things up- soide down! It’s me honest belafe thot: if you had been workin’ an the Washin'ton Monumint when it wor built ye’d hoy sworn ye wor diggin’ a well! There wor no chest- nuts in the gallery. Oi nivver saw an’ ex- hibition more up ty date! Oi ashked wan av the people there ty mark the names av some specimens thot shtruck me fancy. Here's wan,” and he placed his finger un- der the name “Discobolus.” “There couldn’ be onythin’ more up ty date nor thot!” “Who's he?” “He's the champeen base-ball pitcher av the world. It's thot foine Oi give ye me word Oi thought it wor a livin’ picture ay Rusie!” “Thot might be purty good,” reluctantly assented his auditor. “It wor shtrickly modern in ivery sinse. Ot don’t know whin Of've had so much in- formation concernin’ at'letics. Thore wor wan thot puzzled me, though. ‘Twor a statue av a gintleman wid wings an ‘is feet, busily ingaged in flyin’ away wid two serpents twishted around a shtick. “An’ ye couldn't make thot out? “Oi musht confiss Oi couldn't.’ “Oh, Dolan, it’s dull ye are! Tell me, did ye nivver hear av St. Pathrick an’ how he druy the shnakes out av Oireland?” “Oi belave ye're roight! An’ ty me not knowin’ the answer immaji “Ol guess,” said Rafferty, in a tone of condescension, “thot mebbe, whin Oi git the toime, Oi’ll walk around an’ look inty the place, so’s ty come back an’ tell yez about it.” “Rafferty, take notice av the,fact thot O1 rise superior ty yer sarcasm, an’ reshpond only wid good advoice. If ye do go, be sure ty ask ‘em ty show ye this one,” and, taking the catalogue, he indicated the name of the Laocoon. “Do it fur yer woife's sake an’ yer fam'ly’s sake, an’ yer fr‘inds’ sakes. It touches an the timperance question, an’ if yell gaze at it fur folve minutes, take me word fur it, ye'll hov a lesson agin the delirium thrimbles thot'll lasht yez a loife- toime!” = x * An Unamiable Reflection. m are ik av Alas, what havoc do they play, these folks of good intent, Whose doings may not find reproof, be- cause they’re kindly meant! Except a vice which leaves all obligations wholly shirked, Few things sre more distressing than a virtue overworked. Far better than the patience which is praised and praised again Is the rare and gentle art of disagreeing now and then. How often has a promising debate been jed astray By the man who blandly answers “yes” to everything you say! The energies which Nature gave ia all their generous*sum Were useless had she made no obstacles to overcome. More welcome is that person who performs his litle best And offers an lirelevant and disconcerting jest— But he recks it no dishonesty to freely cull and range ‘Through the thcughts of other people, and give nothing in exchange; His tacit mockery brings all bensath its tyrant sway; This man who blandly answers “yes” to everything you say. Ah, woman, lovely woman; once again do we descry That sweet superiority ‘twere useless to deny. Despits the self-assertive boasts with which we've been 99 free, Again we yicld the laurel-wreath; again we bend the knee. your statesmanship and wotch your iogic oft with fear, a This merit stands surpassing, let your faults be what they may; You do not blandly answer “yes” to every- ae ~Caldly we say. generation and also the dangers of nepot- ism are shown by the experience of om- cial who employed his son in a ment. The youth is well man: and agreeable, but he is not naturally adapted to toil. His career in the haunts of indus- try developed a great deal of good inten- tion, but very little actual result. To pre- vent a recurrence of various embarraas- ments his father summoned him and said: “I think we had better make ne sort of a change in your position he! “But I am perfectly content,” protested the young man. “I'm glad to hear that, but I'm not fiaven't I been working hard enough?” You've been working altogether too hard. you. “But I don't want it any easier!” Was not proposing this for your own sake: it's for the sake of the trouble is that vou ure too ¢ do altogether too much. a time than can be spared from the My desire is to make it easier for responsibilities of this office to have the things you do gone over and properly re- adjusted. All that I want you to do is to &o oftener to matinees and base ball games and not give yourself so rauch concern about serving your country. “In other words,” was the disappointed reply, “you think by a change in the duties Position you can increase the effi- ur department.” sir. Your ideas about the matter are, of course, to be respected. But there is just one thing that I desire to say.” “What is that?” “If you want me to Pegg U stay here and do you'll have to give me more » he says ter me, “Don’t you wish thet you could be Ridin’ in a keeridge fine Whiles the others stood in line? Where the flags is flyin’ gay On inauguration day, Ez the idol of the crowd, Wouldn't you feel mighty proud?” Then I says, says I ter him, “Tain't ro use ter try ter trim Hitchin’ posts weth foliage fine; He plays his part; I play mine. How'd I feel a-makin’ bows? How'd he look a-feedin’ cows? *Twould be painful fur ter see Me ez him or him ez me.” The Chicago Stock Yards, From the Chicago News, It is very interesting to watch the sale of horses in the arena at the yar You enter at a large door and are introduced to some horsy-looking man, commonly red headed, and then this course of secret society hail- ing and response is gone through before you are considered as eligible for the high- er glories of a place alongside the railing of the arena: “So you're from Chicago, Mr. Brown?” od town.” think so up there."* she ain't in it with the on mules,” very decisis * says the cand. ‘ational uire “Is that so? Do you think so Phink 202" retorts the red-haired cha commander. “There's no call to It's true. And horses, too. National yards vallops the lights out of Chi- horse sale “You don’t say 3 bet I do. 1 horses to y. Arabia South Pole, the Milky Way and Neptune. Our 1 shipments year were’. he poes on iphers t of vol- canie eruption. for further you will your t | will and cigar. er, you should by no means smoke. It was made by an incompetent and excited non-union man, and the rials were jimsonweed, and the maker was in a hurry. ae o- ‘ Extracting Gold. From the Chicago Tribus A process of ext every particle of the J is stated to} tion in West Austra u atomic process. Gold quartz is crushed into smail lumps and is then put into a c! ted to the heat of a fur- | Race, n of water and of hydro- | gen gas. This eliminates sulphur and re- duces all oxides to the metallic state. After being heated, the material is suddenly cool- ed by jets of water—an operation repeated several times till the quartz crumbles to powder at the touch of the finger. It is then thrown into a tank and the gold as separated by washin, oo Utilizing the Wol From the New York Pv His faithful wife strove to comfort the starving humorist. ‘Take heart,” she urged, ‘and write.” He gazed at the bare, cheerless walls and fireless hearth. “I cannot,” he murmured; “even now the wolf is at the doo! With the words a sudden inspiration dart- ed into his face. Grasping an ax, he crawl- ed through a cellar window, and fell upon the animal from behind. That night the humorist, after the first steak dinner he had eaten for weeks, wrote nineteen cold storage sketches and cigaty- eight wolf jokes. see: One on the Agen From the Detrolt Free Press. About a month ago a farmer near Chica- go decided to move up town, so he went to the city and hunted up a real te agent, and offered to trade a big farm for city lots. The agent was all business, and was in for a trade at once. “I want to show you,” he said, “a block of the finest lots anywhere in Chicago. ‘They're centrally located and cheap as saw- cust. Get in my buggy and I'll take you out to see them. ‘They drove out and looked at the lots and the agent expatiated at great length on the advantages of their localities and finally said: “Now, when can I have a look at your farm?" ww it to you presently,” said the ‘8 about ten miles back on the road between here and town. ~+e+— A Natural Name. From Punch. “Papa,” inquired the editor’s only son, “what do you call your office?” “Well,” was the reply, “the world calls an editorial office the sanctum sanctorum.” “Then I suppose,” and the small boy was thoughtful for a moment, “that mamma's office is a spankum spankorum, isn’t it?” — -s00 A Scientific Boon. From Figaro. Doctor—“Just place this thermometer under your tongue, Mrs. Henpeck, and keep your lips closed tightly.” Mr. Henpeck (after a few minutes of speechless delight)—“What will you take for that instrument, doctor?” -—___+e--—___ She—“And did your friend take the doo- tor’s advice?” He—“Certainly.” “And did he pay for it?” “Well, I should rather say he 4id. dead.”—Yonkers Statesman. ———+e- Feminine Instinct. From Leslie's Weekly. He's Maggie—“Pal