Evening Star Newspaper, February 20, 1897, Page 14

THE EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, -FEBRUARY 20, 1897-24 PAGES. ms the that play feet are out with a new police « an experienced officer, “and for the month or so many of them have a very | serious time. It is the way with them firs sa all, and there othing to do but grin and bear it. A little time all comes around all bat it is rather rough while tt ing } have known of some t young men to be on | peint of givin up on account of their fe and I bi n af some to have to sur- render their badges in consequence of it. The hours of duty are n bad as many imagine, but an officer is rarely on d mere than eight out of cach twenty-four heurs. H is broken up into three sections. lo p and mm - hours on eight on the street, eignt ** * * E he artesian wells which have been dug the past year in v 3 of the ¢! have very much in deman.? during the present m water spell. It has be i thing for the wells, as it has been for there oO other way ‘ar glass of water can be se veral of the la full of water aid one ¥ pump been had t hauled each day for the 4 ix months : a num e dug, and { suppose their number will steadil so that in near future a clea Water can be had by ev increase, | temac wat F enough for ten months of tne y nout any filtration whatever but di » months it is very much after a break-up of the ice ng rains. Much may be said Potomac water from the aestheti , but that is as far as the criti . for it has been proven much more healthy nished many of the large cities. * ee & @ ason last year,” observed howman, “was not a howl- financially or otherwise, but parations are being made and a an that fur- “The circus a well-posted ing succe great D big business is anticipated for the coming season. The presidential campaign always euts into the bu: of tented shows, for people do not there are poll towns and crowd into the tents when 1 parades in the same cities when the circus visits | them. In such events the circus has to de- | Fend upon their afternoon business. The big circuses, that is, the Barnum, the Fore- { paugh and the Buffalo Bill wild w e | now owned by the same syndicate, and | there is no more competition among them for business. They divide up the cow m and turns. The Fore- eason the cities | layed last sea- | will work in | ay places. Under | ston will have the | ing, though the ed this city last er on in the season.” | te * e * “The fact that a ¢anary will not bathe, explained a bird dealer, ‘only shows how it raised. My .cbservation has been, | end in this I am confirmed by others, that what is known as a’store bird rarely ever bathes as freely as the birds which have been raised by private persons. With binds ‘raised for the trade, the bath is sup- plied at times if not always, but no spe- cial effort is ever taken to teach a young bird to bathe—with birds raised in private irely different. The parent ight to bathe and actually with delight in anti . and the young one: I do not know that there ! for it, but if a bird won't is nothing to be done except j This should be done gently | | | | and out-of-th gement Washi t made to show the bird that there ng so terrible about it. In a litt the bird may take to the water on its own hook, but it will never take as much pleasure in a bath if it is a store bird as if it was a house raised bird. Birds of any kind should never be bathed more than once a week, except in summer, when two baths a week or even more will be beneficial xk ke x “It is as certain as anything in the world that the practice of chewing tobacco 1s steadily on the decline,” remarked a to- bacco dealer. “Of course the old fellows don’t give up and I don’t know that they should, for in an experience of a third of a century as a seller and user of chew- ing tobacco, I can honestly say, outside of : the money spent on {t, I have never known of any harm done by chewing tobacco. But the old fellows must in time ¢ie off and if ths rising generations do not take hold, why, that is the end of It. I have as large a retail trade in chewing tobacco as the average dealer and may be more than the average desler outside of the center of the city, and I can say that it is seldom that a young man buys chewing tobacco now. Of course the young men smoke, and especially ‘cigarettes, though even the habit cures itself oftener than many per- sons think, but they do not buy chewing tobacco. If this thing keeps on for twenty- five years the chewing tobacco trade which was once so enormous in this coun- try will have dwindled almost entirely away. 1 find from those in my business that the expertence Is the same in almost every section of the United States.” ae Ke * “The newspapers have had a good deal to say about gambling in Alexandria coun- u remarked a government clerk to a Star reporter, “but I never realized until last week how much there was over there. “I teok a day off and concluded to go huntirg. Taking a gun and a dog, I cross- ed the Long bridge and walked about five | China we are ! miles into the co: thing to shoc without seeing any- . Finally I stopped a man ho looked as though he lived neighborhood. “*Any game around here?’ I asked. " yo" cum through Jackson City?’ in r leokin’ fer a game thar I don’ see; but yo'll ext house yander. “Taint though, dollar limit, but yo’ mout "em ter raise it a leetle. ee OK OX A Pennsylvania avenue Chinese laundry- man received a telegram the other evening informing him that his brother Lung had been seriously injured in a fight in the Chinese quarter in Baltimcre. The tele- ram read as follows: Come at one segs brot! fight answer quick.’ ‘The sender ef the message, after waiting senable length of time ; repeated the he bad hurt clions to get an answer. Very soon thervafter this message was handed him in clerk said the ked pigeon English to him for ten minutes after receiving the answer, so * was his indignation. * ke * ative Hllis of Oregon had an visiior at the Capitol the other young man from ¢astern Ohio see the representative, and after sending in a piciuresque little card man- ed to corner Mr. Ellis in the lobby. What can I do for you today?” said Mr. said he, “I've come a good tistance to see you and to ask a small fa- vor; my family is well connected in Ohio; friends of Maj. McKinley and per- sonally acquainted with Mr. Hanna,” pro- ceeded the § man, with a serious air bout him which aroused Mr. Ellis’ cu esity. “Now, I thought that as I am anx- te go to Oregon to begin building up . fortunes I would ask you for a “ping hand. 1 will help you all I can,” said Mr. Ellis. “Well id the Ohioan, “I thought per- haps you weuld recommend me for the postmastership at either Portland or As- toria, which are in your district, as a starter; I think I could make out for a time wi ha start.” Mr. Hilis’ mouth opened at least two inches, his eyes watered, he put his hands across his head in a bridge fashion and i the yeung man for fully five min- utes without uttering a syllable, so great was his amazement, and the young man walked off wondering at Mr. Ellis’ silence. Mr. Ellis’ district contains but two post- masterships of great prominence in the state, and they are Portland and Astoria, and the scramble of his constituents after the place is something terrific when there is a vacancy at either; this fact, coupled with the Ohioan’s request, was more than he could stand, and he was too dum- founded to talk. ke Ke OK ps “An amusing thing occurred recently, sald the doctor. “My patient, who had heen seriously ill, was beginning to re- cover her strergth, and the only thing nec- essary was that she should secure a good Fs I therefore prepared some powders of the sort which compel Mor- pheus to attend, and instructed the nurse that one should be administered in the evening, and in no event should be given ts the patient at closer intervals than thir- ty minutes. “On calling around the following morn- ing I inquired of the nurse how the suf- ferer had rested. “‘Oh,’ said she, ‘she slept all through the night, except when I woke her up every half hgur to giver her the sleeping powder. They fere all gone about half-past 4.” kk OK The subject of baldness is just now agi- tating one of the members of the United States Senate. Until a man begins to grow bald he considers It a mark of infirmity; after he begins to molt he regards the desert space on his dome of thought as an evidence of intellectuality. The senator in question is very averse, however. to the loss of his locks, and mad deep and long researches into the matter of hair restorers, making practical tests of as recommended themselves to his judgment, but they did not have the de- 1 effect. He was overjoyed therefore when a brother senator returned from abroad, bringing with him a tale of a mar- velous hair restorative of magic power. One application would make the hair sprout, and several applications caused it to come forth in rich luxuriant locks. The senator’s mouth fairly watered at the de- scription of that hair restorer. He begged the happy possessor of this joyous fluid to let him have a bottle, and the senator re- plied that it should be delivered to him on the next day. But it didn’t come that day, nor the next, ner the next, and the senator grew sick at heart with the hope deferred. Meeting the possessor of the regenerating elixir in the Senate elevator the other day he at once buttonholed him, and inquired when he could expect that hair restorer. “Ob, Tl! send it down tomorrow,” was the reply. “Well, now, look here,” said the senator, earnestly, “I want to get it just as soon as possible. This thing is getting serious— very serious. Why, Great Scott, I’m losing @ hair or two every day, and I'can’t spare them.” ae erg es A Present for a Husband. From the New York Weekly. Furniture Dealer—“Yes, madam, there is no nicer present for a man than a hand- some writing desk. Look at this one, for example.” g Customer. t's vol ic ail those square things?” )) Ut What are “Drawers, madam. That desk has one hundred and sixty separate drawers.” “Huh! And every time he mislays any- thing he'll expect me to find it. a desk with one drawer.” Brome ————-e-_____ Artistic. From the Boston Courier. Mrs. Pigment—“Is not the frost work on the panes beautiful this morning, James?” Mr. P.—“Admirable.” Mrs. P.—“Oh! Art can never reach such perfection. Mr. P.—“Never!” Mrs. “Considered from the artistic standpoint, what kind of work would you call that?” Mr. P.—“I should call it a frieze.” HOW FRAULEIN MIZA From Fliegeude Blatter. When at home. When Max Krauss, the tenor, calla, ‘When @ modern poet calls. DRESSES HER HAIR— {When her godmother calls. OUTWITTING THE REST OF THEM. How a Sharp Railrond Man Got the Better of a Lot of Competitors. He was a large and rotund railroad man, whom the fellows called “Sam,” and whom they seemed to like to listen to as he sat back smoking a cigar and teiling stories efter the work far into the night was done. ‘One of the yictorles of my life,” he said, after narrating several incidents which were not so altogether victorious, “took place when I was with the L. and N., with my headquarters at Cincinnati.It so fell out once upon a time that one hundred and twenty-five peopie wanted to make an ex- cursion into the west via Cincinnati and St. Louis, from Berea, in Madison county, Ky. As I remember, it meant about twen- ty-five dollars a lead to the railroad get- | ting the party, and the competition among the boys was lively enough, I tell you. Negotiations had been going on vigorously for some time, and on a certain day the | exeursionisis were to be at the Berea sta- j tion, and ail the railroad men were to meet them there. “We came down from Cincinnati on a ecial train, and I was studying up every ble pian how I was going to get that usiness ior my road, but no way appeared until we were within a dozen miles of Berea. There it came to me and I slipped around and had a little taik with the cn- gineer, wno was quite willing to help me out by letting his engine drop a cog or do ‘some other pecullar and unexpected thing, locomotives have a way of doing. This she did about six miles cut and near a siding, where the engineer pulled in and proceeded to repair the damage, the men, who were in a hurry to get to Berea, put- ting in their time cussing the engine, the road and me. “As for myself, when I had fixed it with the engineer, I dropped off the train as it was leaving the station, and the men on beard didng more than discover that I had disappeared until the accident happened that delayed them two hours or more on that siding. In the meantime I wired my agent at Berea—you see this all took place on my own line of road, so it was a good deal easier—to make a rate to the excur- nists $2.50 lower than any figure yet given them, and let them have half an heur to decide in, or the whole rate would go up to the regular price. Of course the excursionisis didn’t know that I had the agents corralied on a siding. They didn’t know anything except that it was the low- est offer they had received, and after chewing awhile on it, my man wired ine that my offer was accepted. “What would be the result when they found out about the other agents and what kind of crazy offers those fellows might make to beat me out of the business un- less I had some hind of a clincher, I didn’t know, so I sent word to my agent to col- lect $10 on each ticket, or the rate would go up to regular. This was easy enough, for they knew they had a good thing and the money came in with a rush. The: po my man telegraphed that he had collected over $1,200 and had it locked up in the safe, and he would like to know what to do next. I wired back the short word ‘“Es- cape,” and half an hour later my engi- neer, having repaired the break to his ma- chinery, pulled into the station at Berea with his profane load of railroad men: “What happened then utterly passes de- scription, and I fancy if I had been there I would have be2u lynched, but they got over it after a time, and they went back to Cincinnati with no other feeling against me except an unalterable determination to get even at tha first opportunity. Of course I had to pay for a supper for the crowd and a few little things like that, but those didn’t count.” ———— EVIDENTLY A MISAPPREHENSION. A Prisoner at the Bar Says Something That Costs Him $50 Extra. “Behind the bench on which sat the majesty of the law in the person of a police judge blindfolded Justice stood, frowning and severe, looking down upon the pigmies of the court room.” In this grandiloquent manner spoke a Boston drummer, who was telling a story of an experience of his in a Cincinnati po- lice court, though just why the drummer should have been in the police court so early in the morning he did not say, “The prisoner, with bowed head and de- jected mien he proceeded, “awaited the pleasure and the pain of the solemn tribu- nal befere which he was arraigned. ‘Have you anything to say why sentence should not be pronounced upon you? said the judge, in deeply impressive tones. “The prisoner looked helplessiy up at the exalted dignitary on the bench, turned his eyes a moment upon the sightless orbs of Justice and gulped as if swallowing what little hope was left. “*Yeronner,’ he said, with a trembling voice, ‘I did have seventy-five cents, but the lawyers swiped it.’ “At first what the prisoner had said did not appear to sirike the judge, then all at once he fiercely caught the desk in front of him and giowered upon the helpless victim of judicial wrath. “Sixty days,’ he thundered, ‘and fifty dollars extra for contempt of ‘court;’ and the prisoner bowed his head as a tree in the blast and tottered down the iron steps to the cell rovm below.” —— A Womun Bank Cashier, From the St. Louis Globe-Democrat. The First National Bank of this city has a lady cashier, Mrs. Sarah Frances Dick, and a lady director, Mrs. Fredericka Dro- ver, and is probably the only bank in the country bearing such distinction, Mrs. Dick is also a director in the institution. Mrs. Dick was appointed assistant cashier in 1873. She was then Miss Sarah F. Mc- Grew, and her father was cashier of the bank, She served in that capacity until 1881, when the bank was reorganized. Mr. McGrew then became president, and his daughter was appointed cashier and also elected a director. In 1878 she was mar- ried to Julius Dick, one of the most promi- rent merchants of this city. Ever since 1881 Mrs. Dick has been cashier of the bank, and her work in that capacity has been unquestionably accurate and able. oe The Ruling Pussion. From Judge. “My dear, I see that there are a great many bargains in politics. Don’t you think—” “I think, my darling, that when two- dollar votes begin to sell at one-ninety- eight you can begin to talk about female suffrage.” ——_+e+___ Out of Debt. From Tid-Bits. Briggs—“Well, old fellow, I am a happy man. Wilson—“‘How so?” Briggs—“I have just succeeded in bor- rawing enough to pay every cent I owe in the world.” ——__—_+-e+____ Manifestly Unfair. From the Chicago Record. “Don’t you want to get into this National Encyclopaedia of Prominent People—cost you only $257” “No, sir; don’t like the way it fs run. Look at George Washington and John Quincy Adams getting in for nothing.” gg ee Then and Now. From the Cleveland Leader. je Tourist—Ah! what ancient pile is that on the cliff?” Native—“That is Count Von Broke's cas- tle, which was renovated with the modern pile of Miss Dow of Chicago.’ ———_+e-+ Sometimes Too True. From the Pittsburg News. Nettie—‘He'’s such a deep man. That is why he is so successful in business, Nobody can fathom his thoughts.” Laura—“Pshaw! I have most of his thoughts at my finger tips. = Nettie—“You don’t say?” Laura—‘T'm his typewriter. —_+o+_____. Got the Prize. From the Yonkers Statesman. Farmer Hoey—“I hear your wife took a prize at the county fair for an iced cake.” Farmer Rakes—“Sure!” Farmer H “Did they cu! - Farmer ‘Rakes—“Cut Te Thee break it with an ax if they same cake has been takin’ last eight years.” OUR NATIONAL LEGISLATORS ‘Who Appeat §n a Certain Way to Cer- * j taim People. To him who in the. love of the Capitol holds communion with its daily visitors they speak a Various language. Which, being interpreted, means that if one frequent the Capitol and listen to what one may hear there he will hear some right funny things. Not @ great while ago there was a small party of persdis from some one of the out- lying Maryland or Virginia districts, pre- sumably the ‘fatter, as the mud on their shoes’ was redder than Maryland mud, who were seeing ‘ftp sights*of the magnificent building under‘the direction of one of those useful adjuncts’ to the cause of education, a Capitol guide. * The party had got as far as the rotunda, and were gazing on the paintings, works of art and so forth in that circular collec- tion of movable and immovable créations, when a handsome man came out of the entrance leading from the House and passed in review. “That,” said the guide, designating the gentleman passing, “is the handsomest member of Congress.” “Is that so?” respondd the oldest wo- man in the party, one-of that sharp-faced, sharp-tongued kind of elderly women one always wants to hear tall, and still $s al- ways in fear lest he hear something that would cut a hole in him. Then, without waiting to hear what fur- ther the guide might have to say on the subject, she moved around where she could get a view of the beautiful legislator as long as he was in sight, and fairly feasted her eyes on him, in fascinated silence. Some minutes later another “object of interest” passed the party. , “There goes the smartest man in Con- gress,” said the guide. “Is that so?” responded the elderly wo- man, in exactly the same tone as before, and she at once manifested an exactly eim- ilar interest in this one, and watched him until he had passed out of sight. For as much as five minutes thereafter she was silent, and walked aimlessly be- hind the others, looking at those wonder- ful pictures onthe walls, but not seeing them. “What's the matter with mother?” ex- claimed a tall, gangling girl, turning to see what had become of the good lady. “Th ain't nothing the matter wi she answered, as spry as anythii jest a-thinkin’ I’d like to be purty and I’¢ like to be smart, but I’d ruther be like what I am than be a congressman, ‘deed I would, and I don’t keer who knows it. And she evidentiy didn’t, for everybody within fifty feet of her could hear what she said. See Dangers of the Diet Fad. From the Woman's Home Companion. There is not much danger, ordinarily, of our children being starved. But an idea has lately been borrowed from England which we should be sorry to have extend itself in this country—that of keeping children on a spare diet to prevent their becoming plump. It is natural and right that young creatures should be plump, and the best medical authorities agree that just before the great change from childhood to youth begins, at the age of twelve, a store of fat ought to be laid up as a safeguard against the unusual demands about to be made upon their strength. It is certainly a mistake to deprive young children of wholesome, nutritious food to prevent the accumulation of flesh. --+ e+ —___ If the Miller _Man Hadn't Stopped to Light His Pipe, Ete. ‘(A Tramp Trick.) From Fltegende Blatter. A QUESTION OF POSSESSION. A Matter Between Two Throbbing Henrts Amicably Settled. “Will you be mine?” It was a young man who spoke, and the young woman, understanding, bent low her shapely head, and, blushing, answered “Yes.” Oh, Love! Oh, Rapture! Samples copies sent on application. However, this is a true story, and It took Place in Washington not three months ago, and the young women has returned to her western home to get ready for the wed- ding in May. Fifteen minutes after the above emo- tional conversation had taken place the storm abated to some extent, and she eee her joyful eyes to his as if in ques- tion Quick is the apprekension of love, and he was all anxiety in a moment. “What is it, darling?” he asked, holding her to him, as if fearful lest she escape. “Haven't I fifty thousand dollars in my own right?” she murmured. His grasp tightened on her, as if it were twice as much. jo I have heard, dear,” he responded, trying to be utterly indifferent. “And you haven't fifty thousand cents? “Just about, darling,” and once more he tightened his hold on the future comforts of life. For a long time she remained silent, as if in deep thought. “Don’t you think, John,” she said at last, “that that question you asked me a min- ute ago was just a bit out of plumb?” “What question, dearest? I don’t under- stand,” he said, greatly perplexed. “Do you mean when I asked you to be mine?” “Yes, John.” “What was wrong with it, darling? I Meant it all, and more.” “Yes, John, I know,” she said, weighing her words carefully, “but it occurs to me that as you are nét putting up the money, and I am, you might change it around a little, and you be mine, instead of the way you bad it.” All the worry and anxiety fled from his face and soul on the spot. “Have it exectly as you please, darling he said, with a radiant smile. “There isn’t any more mine or yours in this family, anyhow; it’s all ours. See?” And they will no doubt “live happily ever after.” At least, we may all hope so. —— ee POETRY AS IS POETRY. A Kind Which Justifies a Man in Placing His Trust in It. Do you all know what an ad-smith is? No? Then let it be said that an ad-smith is a word of recent constructicn and adopticn, and it means a man who writes advertise- ments (ads) as they should be written, and not in the old style of saying much and meaning nothing. This story has to deal with a rising young ad-smith of this town of Washington, who, like other men of tropical souls and fervid tongues, had permitted his tongue to get his soul tangled all up in the golden meshes of a pretty girl's smiles, and that was the end of him. In pursuance of the usual custom made and provided for in such emergencies, he went to see the girl’s father about it, a very sensible old gentleman who knows the value of advertising and also the value of the right kind of a son-in-law. “Yes, yes,” the father said in response to the young man’s opening address, “I know all about that fol de rol part. What I want to know about is business and can you support my daughter? What do you do?” “I write poetry, sir,” responded the emo- tional applicant with confidence. The father fairly gasped. “Write poetry?’ he nearly shrieked. “Write poetry? What in thunder can you do at that to support a family, I'd like to know?” ‘The young man straightened up so sud- denly that the old man jumped out of the way. “Sir,” said the appiicant with the dignity of four kings, “I don’t write the kind of poetry you are thinking about. I write poetry advertisements for soap and patent edicine and beer and bicycles and the Kind that pays. See?” “Oh, oh,” spluttered the father, “really, I beg your pardon, my dear fello I didn’t understand at all, I assure you. Take her, my boy, take her and joy go with you.” The wedding will occur in the autumn. : > REPORTING IN THE SOUTH. A Newspaper Man's Experiences in Getting News for His Paper. A newspaper man who had worked in the scuth was telling a Star reporter of some of his experiences. “I notice,” he said, “that the National Farmers’ Alliance has been in session in this city. Now, that was a big political or- ganization five or six years ago, and its membership in southern and western states was large. Many a statesman went under as a result of ‘projecking’ with the alliance and refusing to heed its demands. The venerable statesman from Georgia, Repre- sentative Leonidas Livingston, came into Congress as a result of loving the alliance. Senator Tillman of South Carolina rode the alliance horse until it carried him into power. I could name many others, but it is not necessary to the story. What I am telling about now is the distrust which the order and its members have always enter- tained for newspaper men, especially at times when they are holding meetings. Nothing ‘s ever given out except through press committees, as the Washington re- porters have no doubt ascertained. That used to be the fashion with the county al- liances when they met. Eight years ago, when the alliance was flourishing in a cer- taln southern siate, I determined to secure the news of a county alliance meeting for the paper I was then working on. The al- liance met in a hall over a livery stable. Adjoining the hall was a hay and fodder loft. I got into this and prepared a hole to listen to the proceedings. I didn’t care anything about the secret work, and merely wanted the proceedings on political sub- jects, With hay under me and hayseeds in front of me, I had a great time for several hours, but got a full story of what was done. The alliance membership in the county was amazed and mad. They boy- cotted my paper in every way possible for years as a result of that trick, but the pa- per still exists. There are many men still in Congress, however, who still keep up with the order, and in a secret way pat it on the shoulder. They are afraid of it. “My experiences with this order recalls the fun I had, when a very young man, re- porting 1epublican ward meetings in’ the south. These . meetings were attended wholly by colored citizens, and every man in the crowd had his razor with him. As a rule, the meetings were held by the flicker of dim oil lamps. Two out of three times the meetings would break up in a row, the lights would be put out and there would be scuffling, scrambling and the scudding of dark figures. At one of these meetings, after the scene described, the Police arrived, and with lanterns ascer- tained the situation. Two or three men were lying on the floor, badly whacked with razor cats, while under every bench and behind every box or chair were cit- izens who had sought those places of safe- ty untii the war was over. After the po- lice arrived there was a general demand to know, ‘Who struck me on the head? and “Who done dat foul lick while I wus try- in’ to preserve peace?” Representative George Murray, the colored member of the house, represents a district where such things occurred frequently years ago. These disturbances often came about over the rulings of the chairmen, but the color- ed citizen now understands parliamentary tactics. better, and the chairman is never in so dangerous a predicament. This also reminds me that I have traveled through portions of Mr. Murray's district for hours without seeing a white face. It is known as the ‘black district’ because of the un- usual predominance of colored people. This is especially so in the rice fields back from the coast. This section is so full of ma- luria that a white man cannot live in it. White overseers go to the rice fields in the daytime, but at night go to higher places by rali or swift horses. The negroes are acclimated, and rarely get sick. They were faithful people during the war. They could have murdered the few white people near to them, but instead of doing their owners and white friends harm they work- ed for them as loyally as before the war. Many of them still live with their former owners, and are kindly treated.” en At the Gas Office. From the Indianapolis Journal. “Why don’t you turn on the gas?” asked the second clerk. “Daren't,” said the first clerk. “When any one comes in to kick we can tell him we are as much as he is.” PHILANDER. JOHNSON: An Unwelcome Reminiscence. “That,” remarked Broncho Bob, as he | dropped the newspaper which he had beer mohcpolizing to the great disgust of his fellow citizens, “is what I cail cl'ar grit “Maybe, as long as you have been so de- termined not to let no one else try h at skinnin’ a little news off that paper. you'd be ro kind as to let one or two of us git fur enough into the game to know what | you're talking about,” remarked Derringer Dan, with fine sarcasm. “I'm alludin’ to one of the pluckiest lone hands as ever was played. I've been a-wonderin’ how long them European coun- tries was a-goin’ to lay down an’ let the sultan grab the deal every time, an’ make the rules as he went along. They’s remon- strated with ‘im an’ sent ‘im tracts to read, an’ gone around and sung hymns with him, and it seemed like they wasn't ever goin’ to realize that they might well organize a posse and have it over with. But when you think about biuffin’, it's always a good idea to take notice of who has be in’ cards. He might have gone on indefinite with his economical habit of makin’ a pair of trays do duty for a fuil hand if Gre hadn't concluded to y in. “Hold up,” interrupted Derringer “Is Greece the country that Athens "To be sure.” “I don’t want to break up the tion, so I'll go away aad let over among youl I can't ran: out fillin’ up w That's where the last summer. I when the papers containin’ ments came, an’ there w Dan. sorrow and indignation. had the Oiymp’ happened to be ti out of the mson Gulch was rep- ene of the grandest interna- 3 the world ever saw.” exclaimed Rattle- ou dealit off the ? Crimson Guich couldn't have no license to be in them game ye couldn't have put up anybody to hold his own at throwin’ the hammer or high jumpin’ or long-distance runnin We couldn't even have organized a respectable tug-of-war team.” ‘Of course not. But there was a dispo: tion to take the limit off and let a man go in at most anything that he kappened to fancy. if I had been home I'd have de the name of Crimson Gulch a household word in North an’ South America, Europe, Asia, Africa an’ Australia! We'd have had a draw-poker team there to meet all comers, and we'd have offered $50 apiece for every white chip we left in the arena after the match was over.” town to see that C: resented in * * * A Joyless Victory. Two of the smallest men in the city were standing at the curbstone waiting for a car. Their conversa- tion had been about ihe traditional femi- nine tendency to ex- travagance and the difficulty they had in Keeping their do- mestic expenditures down to what they considered a reason- able limit. “There they are, row!” exclaimed one of them. “Who?” “Our wives, And Vil bet they've been shopping!” “They seem to be talking very earnest- ly about spending something.” “T'll bet I can tell what my wife is talk- ing about.” “Are you a mind reader?” But I can make a guess on that Til bet you a dinner I can, any- She's talking about spending money. go up behind them and over- hear what they are Saying, to prove it.” They crossed the street, and th» origina- tor of the idea smiled knowingly as his wife opened her purse and peered into it. My dear,” she said to her companion, you any change?” “Well, would you mind lending me a pen- ny to buy a postal card? . “Certainly, if I have one. it is.” “Thank you ever so much. I have 5 cents, but I hate to use it. A nickel always seems to go so fast after you once break it.” The man who offered the wager had won it, but for some reason he didn’t seem proud. Oh, yes! Here * xs A Mild Protest. It’s really tryin’ ter have a friend a-takin’ ye ‘round the town Who stops ye, when ye're inj'yin’ yerself, an’ says weth a knowin’ frown, “It’s rather purty, that buildin’ is, but it's evident, at a glance, Thet they’ve gone too fur in the Gothic style when it should have been Renny- He gives his opinions in sech a way as ter leave ye wethout a doubt ‘Thet sayin’ ye liked it ’ud show ye didn’t know whut ye was talkin’ "bout. So I jes’ lay jow an’ reply “that’s si them eloquent words of his "Bout the things thet orter have been, an’ ain't, an’ thet ortn’t ter be, an’ is, I saw a picter I thought was fine, but I jes” kep’ mum ar’ meek "Cause he said, while the artist showed feelin’, some, he didn’t have no teckneek. I'll never furgit how sorter small an’ sheep- ish I felt one day When he tuck me ‘round ter the op'ry house fur ter hear the music play. When.I shet my eyes an’ imagined I heard the strains from an’ angel's harp, Says he, “That composer writes down g flat when he really means f sharp!” So I thankfully drank his wisdom in, an’ stifled the praise thet riz, "Fore I knowed whut orter have been, an’ ain't, an’ whut ortn’t ter be, an’ is. But one of these days I'N steal a march on this critical friend of mine. I'm goin’ ter visit the city wethout so much ex a single line ‘Ter let "im know thet I've tuck the train, an’ I'll stay at a strange hotel An’ go around by myself ter see the things thet I like so weil. An’ I'll say thet the buildin’s is splendid, " the picters weth joy I'll view, An’ I'll dream an’ drift weth the music, as so often I've wanted to. An’ my heart will pulse weth pleasure nor know a fear of its being friz ‘By- hearin’ whut orter have been, an’ ain't, an’ whut ortn’t ter be, an’ is. * ter + * “* What It Suggested. A yoyng man of this city has a cluster pin which until recently he wore on all occasions, to the great annoyance of his friends with quieter tastes. He regarded the notice it attracted as unadulterated ad- miration. A new man took charge of the office in which he was émployed, and the cluster pin promptly commanded his in- terest. As it fascinated his gaze one morn- ing, he said, in a blunt manner, which was large scarfpin you have.” “Yes. It has ten stones in it. It was made at a time when people were mcre liberal in the use of material than they are now.” - you don’t say s Joosn't it affect you th. exactly. in tha s the num) . it doesn’t mak tering stars nor sparkling dew remind me of anything In the nig casing.” were just didn't you?” me think of gltt- It doesn't world but * * Rafferty Objected. “Oi've nothin’ ty t yer bein? @ back number. Raffer a Mr. Dolan, in a studied tone “Far be tt from me ty shport av a misfortu be as magnolius as the nixt man. But it do give me twisht ty u proud a self.” shpose,” his re- neighbor, thot whin yez tell me yer woife is goin’ ty hov a fanc ye Vink it’s i htand an wan fut hat me in me vez do 1 ye man to -me the or av an invitation. nt be irritatin’, Rafferty. I's the av yer loife ty gil in wid the Pour red.” there as m any why arrier: till ye see us! remarks till ye with: thot'll outshine as that?” Holl off wid yer ss the “ial occasion oth at t loike the Aurora Borealis compared Ulla Chinese Janthern. iverybody'll con disguise, the couple as hov the foinest clothe presinted wid a beautiful an’ exp souvenir, wid the undherstandin’, av coorse, thot the cork ay it will be drawed im- majitly, so the rest av th npany can have a sup an’ pass an opinion an its qual- ity ll me wan Ving,” said Rafferty, some- t mollitied by the pro: ‘what charackter is it your intintion to assume? “Wull, Mrs. Dolan tou by way av settin’ a good exam w give ‘em s hin’ nate an” clas two ay us 2 pin’ as Romeo an” Juliet. Oi hov as the oc thot is noth- in’ le: illegant; paticut-leather shlip- s ghts an’ m | few inches below the hips! “An’ ty ink,” said) Mr. [ mournful reverie, “thot y been lookin’ up to a Ty Vink ay the admiratio yez as wan thot ‘ud shtick up fur ‘is opin ions trough foire an’ wather! Tell me was it you thot refused a jol rather than y yellow bricks up the r? “Oi did that,” was the rep!y, “an it again.” “An’ are yez the same man thai hov been known ty celebrate the sty nth March all the way from the lasht av Fe ruary, off an’ on, till the middie av April “Oi can't danoi it.” n’ whin you an’ Mrs. Dolan wor in a reshtaurant, didn't yez say the flavor av that green oice cream wor chokin’ y but "d buy Uo more dishes for love the color?” “That's wan av the proudest episodes in me fam'iy history, Rafic Oi don't see as ye've offered any good raysen yit whoi Oi shouldn't be Romeo.” “Git the lookin’-giass, erself. Do yez intind ty a that Romeo had a lip an ell, and thot he marched his whiskers le file under his chin, from ear ty ear? Oi don’t undhertake ty carry ap in a bequuy race. Dolen, “taint yer ny about 80 much. It’s yer national- Who wor Romeo? Hie wor an’ Bye- talian, Oi hoy it shtraight from the Sch%ol house, where me daughter attinds r, thot he wor wan av the most un- | naturalized Dagos thot iver cem over! Shtick ty green toights, but Crow away the sword. Put a bieck-thorn in yer fist, Dolan; pin a bunch ay shamrock an the iront av yer shirt, an’, fur the love av heaven an’ the good av the cause, label yerself ‘Brian Boru!’ ” * pants cut off a fferty, in n Orve ‘son av principle! Oive wasted an O1'd do ay an’ shtuly the oidee im jvike a clam looks Oi'm *** Her One Criticism, Miss Cayenne was very hungry, and the young gentleman's gallant efforts to be en- tertaining were not appreciated. He gave what he thought was a very happy imi tion of the comedian at the play they had just seen, but she only sighed and looked wistfully at the menu ecard. A cough from the waiter awakened him to the duties of the hour, and he said: “Oh, excuse my thoughtlessness, you? What would you like to eat?” “Anything!” was the answer. “But, haven't you any preference? “No. I am sure I shall enjoy whatever you order. “There's plenty of things to select from,” he went on, as he glanced over the iist. ysters, green turtle soup, bass, terra- pin, filet of beef with mushrooms, Chateau- briand with truffies—by the way, speaking of steak reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend yesterday.” ‘The unhappy young woman looked like shipwrecked sailor who had opened a ham- per and found a comic paper in it. “It was really clever; I give you my word it was. It may not have been original, you know, but it ws clever. We were taking breakfast together and he asked me if [ liked my steak rare. And I said no; I liked it frequent. First rate, wasn't it?” She nodded a pathetic assent. “I do say good *hings once in a while, don’t you think 80? “My dear Mr. Jinkles, you said ever so many good things earlier in the evening. The only trouble is——" “Go on. I'm not afraid of criticism, you know.” . “That you don’t order any of them.” “* Modern Improvements. How these.things. of strange creation Linked with lightning leap and gleam; How this‘hurfying genezation Beats the. panting age of steam! With the pace that we are setting "Tisn’t often that we find - Any leisyre for regretting _ Pleasures that are left betiind. But, like perfume from 4 letter Laid away in -olden days, Comes a thought that life was better Ere we found our present w: They were joys we should“have chi Now for ‘them -we vainly yearn— Cream whose richness had not perished; Butter that“had-known the churn. Turn, ye engines and devices; Bear us to some pristine spot Where no ‘evarice entices Men to name things which are not! Where the ‘mapie ‘syrup trusty Has a history some one knows; Where you see thé miller dusty; ‘Where the buckwheat really grows! won't