Evening Star Newspaper, October 24, 1896, Page 14

EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, OCTOBER. 24,- 1896-TWENTY-FOUR PAGES. had more friends in the ranks in the army than any oth- “General Sherman general who ever commanded it,” remarked an ex-soldier, “and pleasant stories will forever be told of him. He was great for the reason that he was so plain in his manner and simple in his tastes. Though a West Pointer he seem- ed to have left all the bad points of that military school at the school instead of carrying them around with him to his dis- advantage. I remember one occasion when his greatness shone out in great brilliancy. It was at the marriage of General Barry’s daughter at Fort Monroe. Though I was but a soldier I was invited to the marriage, and with another soldier who was also Invited was present. Dur- ing the evering a Heutenant who felt his importance made sume complaint at the presence of two enlisted men at the wed- ding reception. Some of his associates gave us a very cold draft and seemed to think that our presence there was a fearful social mistake. “Before much of the evening had passed we began to think so ourselves, and we were about to leave when General Sher- man came around and spoke pleasantly to us. He asked us if we were enjoying our- selves, and we told him frankly that we were not, and spoke of the fact that the lieutenant felt so bad because we were present. ‘Come over to the punch bowl, General Sherman said, ‘and we will drink to the health of the bride.’ We did so,and after the punch had disappeared General Sherman remarked rather loud!y: ‘Remem- ber, young mer, that though Lieutenant — objects to the presence of enlisted men, the general of the army does not.’ After that the temperature warmed up a little, as far as we were concerned, and we stayed the reception out.” * ee * * “The foot ball player,” said a professor in a local college, “has improved consid- erably this season. I saw several of the contests in Connecticut and Massachu- setts last week, in which Harvard, Yale and Princeton men took part. I do not yeean that there is much improvement in the way they play, for they follow the plans of other years. The improvement is fn the manner they wear their hair. Of course, their hair is as long as in previous years, but they have it combed out and smoothed down. ‘here was a time when the foot ball player endeavored to fix up his hair so that he would look as idiotic as possible. The players in the smaller colleges throughout the country even went further than did the players in the large and leading col- leges, and the result was that the ordinary fcot ball players, that is, a college team, looked rather rough, to say the least, so far as their heads were concerned. This is all changed now, and foot ball players this season have even gone so far as to have their hair dreased in the barber shops just before the game. My own idea is that the change in the style will be a very agreeable one.” er ee € “One of the unusual things in the shoe business this season,” seid a dealed, “is the frequent calls that have been made so far for men’s boots. There was a time when a dealer laid in even a larger stock of boots, for the fall and winter, than he did of shoes. Fifteen or twenty years ago the styles, or at least the demand, changed, and of late years it has been very rare to have any one call for boots, and even rarer to sell a pair. As far as I dm concerned I have not attempted to carry any stock of bocts for over fifteen years. I know some who never wear shoes in the win- ter, but they have their boots made to order. “I am sure the manufacturers did rot an- ticipate any demand for boots, for they made no effort whatever to supply it. I thought that this sudden desire for boots was entirely local, but a Baltimore dealer told me a few days since that he was hav- ing a similar experience. There was no very good reason why boots should have been shelved, but as they did get shelved, there certainly ts no good reason, at least I am not aware of any, why they should be in demand again. Shoes are much easier to handle, cost less and for all practical purposes afford all the protection to their wearers that beots do.” eee ££ “I made a tour of Africa last season,” said Mr. John Robinson, a comedian, “but was glad enough to get home alive. There are a number of gocd show towns and cities in Africa, and there is an opera com- pany carrying over sixty people, which has deen playing there constantly for o three years, spending from one to five weeks in the larger cities. All countries are represented in the population about the gold mines there except America. In the show business there is a feature I had never seen before, though I have been a world roamer, and that is that one night is set apart in each week for servants,when the admission is reduced one-half. these nights all servants attend and others as iy ter keep away. “For first-class companies the admissi is from two dollars and fifty cents to — dollars of our money. While the company of which I was a member was in Africa, we were surprised to hear that an Ameri. can man-of-war would soon put in an ap- pearance. It came, and after cheering its flag, which was a pleasant sight to us, we saw it was the Lancaster, one of the old wood-n ships of the past. When we ask. ed why one of the new tron battle ships did not come the admiral said that hoe wee suffering very much from rheumatism, and that fron ships were much damper than wooden ships, so much so that he could not ride in an fron ship. This was a now one on us, but the a eee dmiral was very serious **+ eet The Messieurs Pyramus and the De moiselles Thisbe of modern times do not, as of old, keep their tryst near convenient chinks in friendly walls, but, according to Teports of last summer’s “Cupid-s-Whesl,” in grateful well houses and near refresh- img woodland springs. There is, cf course, always the danger of the intruding lon, and in one case of cur- rent gossip the lion happened to be in pos- —— in the person of the owner of the well house, who knew the couple in im the city, but whose country eed unknown to the wheelers. This “roaring dove” relates that hearing the descending rattle of his well chain one day last sum mer he naturally peeped from the window to see who was there. His well house had been invaded by two cyclers of the opposite sexes, and at the time of discovery both were busy hauling up the old oaken bucket and apparently seizing the opportunity to do as much hand-hoiding as the occasion afforded. After the dripping pail had been nicely balanced upon the brim, the follow- ing pantomime was enacted by players all unconselous that well-known eyes were spying upon them, and that they were not far removed from the haunts of their in- timates: m a ‘ First she must take a drink of “Adam’, ale” while ne held the cup, and she drank very slowly, with coquettish glances over the top and sundry dimpling intermissions. Then, the exact spot of her imbibing peing noted, her cavalier took a draught. This was followed by a careful laving of hands, in which each served the other tenderly to the latest Improved methods of washing one another’s hands and drying them with soft, slow, Delsarte pressures. What nore natural than after another draught of the intox!cating fluid, the fair one’s face should be taken tenderly, but firmly, between two brown palms and the rosy lips, yet dewy from nature's spring, be treated to a re- sounding smack, which was distinctly heard by the callous onlooker from the window? This wayside idyl completed, with digni- fied mien they strolled from the vine-cov- ered shelter, mounted their wheels and rode away, and not until sundry allusions to the kissing well and requests for di- — rection thereto had made their life a bur- den did they know that this little episode had taken place at the country home of a mutual friend and had forced a prema- ture announcement of their engagement. eK Ke A recent visitor to Washington was asked the other day what had surprised her most in the wonders of the. capital. “Do you know,” she replied, “that of all the beautiful sights and instructive pleas- ures I have enjoyed here nothing has !m- pressed me so much as the way books are procured up at the Congressional Library. An applicant for literature came into the brary the other day when I was up there, and, in this age of electrictty and light for all, what did the Hbrarian do but take a smoky, dejected-looking little coal ofl lamp, such as are seen in the most dilapidated roadside cabins, light it and disappear into a thicket of precious volumes, peering hither and thither by the light of this sall- tary flame. It is a wonder to me that there is any library at all, or even a half-dozen volumes to transport to the beautiful new building waiting for them across the way. x** * * * “There are some things heard and seen on the Norfolk line of steamers,” volun- teered an old river man, “equal to any on shore. One that happened a few nights ago was very good in its way, and was very much enjoyed. Among the passengers on our steamer was a newly married couple, who had spent several days in this clty en- joying the sights of the capital. They made all kinds of efforts during the early evening to convince their fellow passengers that they were not new to each other, with the usual result—exposing to every one that they had just been married and were on their honeymoon tour. The young lady played the piano very nicely and spent much of the evening at that amusement. She was rather deaf, though she, like a great many other deaf persons, tried hard to corceal it. “The groom, however, was used to her deficiency in this regard and spoke: very loud. Finally they retired to their state room and prepared to go to bed. They were rather slow about it, the groom bawl- ing away at the top of his voice, seeming to forget that others wanted to sleep even if they did not. He was enthusiastically in love with his bride, and he was loud in his praise and admiration of her and her ac- complishments and perfections. First he praised her playing on the plano, remark- ing lovingly that she had never played sweeter than she had on the steamer that evening. He also tuld her that the other Passengers were highly pleased at her fine Playing. All of his conversation was car- Tied on in a loud voice, for it appears unless he did speak loud the bride did not hear a word of it. eee KK “Though the storm of several weeks ago did great harm to the wishing tree,” sald a habitue of Lafayette Square, “tearing away its principal limbs and completely chang- ing its appearance, the wishing tree still stands and has its devotses in even larger numbers than ever before. Only a few days ago, I saw four colored nurse girls standing under it, wishing as hard as they could to all appearances. I afterward heard one of the girls say that though she had never got her wishes in full she had some portions of them. She said the nearest she had ever struck was when she wished for a bicycle. She dit not get bicycle, but found a nice bicycle lamp on the streets in less than a half hour afterward. A very funny thing happened at the tree during the ~ecent convention of the Union Veteran Unton. “It was explained to some of the vet- erans about the tree, and a party of gath- ered in a circle under it and indulged in a combination wish that—several of them were farmers—wheat would go up to $1 a bushel. It was but 60 cents then and is nov7 up to 89.” eee et “Sterling Heilig’s article in The Star on Saturday last on ‘Tipping’ in Europe,” said a recently returned tourist, a young lady, “reminds me of my experience in that con- nection. Though I have been abroad sev- eral times, and have experiegced tipping in @ rather aggravating form, I had no idea that the fellows there would so persistent- ly follow up a traveler. I have stopped at a great many hotels in the various cities of Europe and never got away from any of them, except on one occasion, without paying tribute in the shape of tips in a dition to paying all the other expenses. “While I was in Paris I had arranged to leave the hotel about 5 o'clock in the after- noon for Versailles, and so informed the clerk of the hotel, who, as is their custom, so informed the hotel maids, waiters, etc. It happened, however, that I met some friends, and so as to have their company left Paris at noon. Though I did not so intend it I thus got away from the hotel without paying any tips on my departure. My experience was so novel that I told it to a number of friends, and especially to those on.the steamer while coming over, on my return to this country. It was gen- erally agreed that my experience was very unusual I found out, however, after- ward that I was mistaken about tt, for some weeks after my return to Washing- ton I saw standing in front of my resi- dence the very hotel waiter to whom I was indebted to the extent of a tip. He rang my door bell and after many profuse apologies said that he had taken the lib- erty to call on me and desired my assist- ance, if I would be so obliging, and all that kind of thing, to aid him in securing a place as a waiter in this city. ° “I did so, but he worked here but a very short time. On the occasion of his call on me he reminded me that he was rather shert financially, and I helped him out, though in a small way. On my visit to the same hotel in Paris the past summer I asked about that waiter, and was in- formed that he was then in Paris, but not at the same hotel. From another waiter I learned that the real reason for his trip over to this country and his call on me was to get his tip. It is the pride of a Paris waiter to let no one escape from the tip, and he proudly told his confreres how he had managed to keep the record from being broken.” ee KK Stories of servants who rule a household with iron hand are common, but a late res- ident of Northeast Washington acknowl- edged that he regulates his domestic af- fairs with a view to the accommodation of his favorite dog, a very intelligent collie. So far did he carry out this plan that when the neighborhood became rather warm for the dog as a result of a canine disposition to bark before people are out of bed, he forthwith moved out of town and ts now happily located in the suburbs, where his pet makes noise without fear of consé- quences. The individual who was disturbed by the canine threatened to shoot it if the “nuisance” continued, and rather than risk the pct’s life its owner readily agreed to move beyond the city’s limits. Pedestrian—“I hear Brown has taken to cycling and is very enthusiastic about it!’* Cyclist—“Enthusiastic! Not a bit of it. Why, he never rides before breakfast!” —London Punch. AIDED BY THE JAILER. So the Prisoner Had a Chance to Run to Escape Lynching. Some newspapér men were talking about lynchings. All of them had some interest- ing story to tell. : “I have seen a gcod many of these af- fairs,” said a Star reporter, “but I saw one man who thought he was going to be lynched, and my idea is that he hasn't stopped running yet. It was in a Mississip- pi town. He was a white man, who was going around organizing secret societies among the negroes. He had been at work for several months.- He was not only prej- udicing the negroes against their white friends and neighbors, but he was defraud- ing the negroes out of all their money. “I was a reporter on a small daily paper, and one night found where he was going to hold a meeting. I blacked my face and put on clothing to make it appear that I was colored. I walked up behind several of the members, saw how to get in and heard the pass word. I walked right In, listened to what was said, and wrote a story for my paper. The story incensed | the white citizens, and they had Hoover— that was his name—arrested on a charge of vagrancy. “The first night he was in jail one of the jailkeepers told him a party was organizing to lynch him, but that they would protect him with their lives. Hoover was fright- ened to death, as he knew the fashion of lynching was somewhat too frequent to be pleasant. He believed all the jailkeeper said and began to make preparations for death. 2 “He prayed and sang and awaited the hour. The jailkeeper professed to be touch- ed, and told him he had decided to save his life at any risk. His plan was to let Hoover escape before the lynchers arrived. Hoover blessed him as his savior. The man was released and started on a run so soon as he got outside the jail door. He was never heard of again, and it is sup- posed that he fs stfll running. All the au- thorities desired was to get rid of him in the community. —— QUICK PROFITS. A Boy’s Improvement on the Usual Program in Fairy Stories. “Business” is the watchword of the day, and the small boy !s developing on that line with a rapidity which astonishes the previ- ous generation. But the practical side of Lis nature has not obscured the poetry of childhood. The fairy tale is as potent as ever, and there was a smile of pleasure on the face of the lad who remarked at break- fast: “I had a beautiful dream last night.” “What was it?” his father asked. “I thought I was out in the woods and I “| STARTING i} CHINESE LAUN- _ DRIES. “in some? Téspedts ike much abused Chiraman,” said Hong. Sing Leng, one of the interpreters and general agents of the Chirese Six Companies, to a Star re- Porter, “are way in advance of the ordt- nary working fan, and particularly so in ‘Fegard to thilr-Ready Money Assocla- Hong Sing-Liong spends most of his time in New York, though he visits Washing- ton séver, Ht -each year. He-is an edu- cated Chindmat’ and has had the advan- tage of several yewrs at Harvard and be- sides has bébnograduated as a lawyer. “With the exception of one, all of the Chinese laundry places in this clty are the result of the Ready Money Associations; that 1g, the money necessary to start them camé from the Heady Money. The pian 1s not unlike the building associations, which I am told have quite a clientele here, and which were originally started in Philadel- phia. The Chinésé’plan is to start Ready Moneys as often as a party of Chinese find they have any surplus money on hand, the idea being to keep. the money moving along. Our experience {s like that of all others that thé more free the circulation the better for ‘all:concerned.: It is the cus- tom of the Jaundry boys, for Chinamen always speak of each other as boys, to gather about on Mondays, that being ther off day, and ‘gossip. All who have spare money put it {rf a pool and awthorize some one to keep it personally as-a deposit in a bank. As soon as,the pool gets any size the word goes out ,and it is sold to the largest bidder, if there 1s mor2 than one applicant for it: “AS a generatthing there ts but one ap- Plicant-end she.gets it, at a rate of inter- est agreed upon. It starts him in business and in a few weeks he begins paying back. Now and then there is no demand for the money. It then .goes to -the cities where it is needed. Just now the Chinamen are Starting laundries. in a number of small towns of the south, and my errand here now is to get some. of the Ready Money funds to be advanced for that purpose. “Is it safe? what guarantees are there that the money will be paid back? Yes, these are the urgent questions. Safe? Per- fectly safe. The civilization of the Chinese is no new thing. It is five thousand yeai old. They, have found out that honesty is the best policy; not on account of the mor- al. or religious question involved as you understand it, but on account of the busi- ness proposition involved. Honesty is best because it pays, ag for many other rea- sons. In business dealings Chinese are very strict, mug, fore «trict than any other peopleie:.20° 73> “The Chinaman knows that !f he bor- rows he’ must pay back; and that the con- seqvences of not doing 80 are very serious, much more serious than tt is with Ameri- cans or Europeans. He knows this before he saw a most gorgeously dressed lady coming | gets the money and does not take it unless toward me.” “That is a good deal like some of the stories that you have been reading.” “Yes. It doesn’t get very different until the end. I knew by her looks that she was the fairy queen, and I made up my mind that I wasn’t going to lose chances like some of the boys In story books, who didn’t know a good chance when they saw it.” “Did she offer you three wishes?” “Yes. And I called to mind how she scmetimes took advantage of a mortal's being excited and nervous when he wished, in order to make him waste his opportuni- ties and have a good laugh at him. So, when she sald ‘Little boy,I'll give you three wishes,’ I didn’t jump at the chance. I said, ‘Will you give me whatever I ask for? She answered, ‘Yes; you may have three wishes.’ ” “What did you do?” “I wished for fou: ——-+—__ SATISFACTORY TO HIM. An Argument Terminated Without the Defeat of Either Sides The young man who always wears a Prince Albert coat and never seems to en- joy himself, was talking to a bright young woman of this city. The bicycle was the theme of conversation. “No,” said the young man; “I do not ap- prove of women’s learning to ride the wheel.” “I don’t see why.” “Because it's just a passing whim. It’s a diversion which will go out of vogue just as other crazes have done. And then what have you gained by all this expenditure of time and money?” “But, I don’t see, Mr. Slimmins, what reason’ you can have for regarding the bi- cycle as a mere fad.” “My reason 1s the disfavor toward !t that is already appearing. Where everybody was once talking about its being good ex- ercise, people are coming out and denoun- cing it. Bicycles are being more abused every day. Don’t you agree with me?” “Of course I shouldn't think of quarrel- ing with you, Mr. Slimmins, and I will ad- | mit_one thing.” “What Is that?” “There never was a time when bicycles were sat down upon by so many people.” And the young man in the Prince Albert coat smiled a self-satisfied smile, and said that was exactly the point he was trying to make. —_—_—_ THEY BOTH GOT MAD. A Mountaineer ts a Post Office and His Experience There. He was a typical mountaineer from his brogan shoes to his wool hat, and he had walked to a neighboring town to visit rela- tives. It was his first visit away from his home. The second day after he arrived he went to the post office to get a letter from his girl. He was sure it would be there, as she had tearfully told him she would write him while he was away. “Air thar any mail fer me?” he inquired of the postmaster. “What's your name?” was the inquiry. ouder,’ say, what’s your name?” asked the postmaster, in a little more positive man- ner. “Loudet “I say, what's your name?” yelled the Postmaster, sticking his head through the window into the face of the young man. “Why, dad drat your ugly time, I’ve told yer three times my name was Louder,” yelled the mountaineer; “‘T. J. Louder, and if yer didn’t belong to ther gov’ment, I'd crawl over thar and pick your years. Soon es a man gits er gov’ment job ‘round here he begins to put on airs, and I’m not one to put up with it.” The postmaster fished out a letter from a musty hole and gave it to him, although he was mad himself. ee Early Morning Riding. The fall time is the season for the ¢y- clist’s delight, says a well-known cycling authority. “There are several rules to follow if the rider wishes to thoroughly enjoy the jour- neys. The men and boys who are em- ployed in the workshops will find it an excellent plan to follow the advice given in this article. Five o'clock is the right hour for the alarm clock to sound its warning, and no time is to be lost, for no wheelman should start off on a trip, be it ever so short, without some food to act asa stimulant till breakfast time. A bowl of bread and milk serves as an excelleut repast, and it will provide nourishment for several hours. A half hour after ris- ing the rider should be able to silently slide his wheel from the woodshed and make for the country side. The green hills are rapidly taking on a brownish tint. The frost is on the ground and a chill is in the air. To prevent cold a_ thick sweater should be used, but as as ihe sun comes up this may be discarded and strap- ped to the handle bars. “Over the smooth highways the riders may dash with all the vigor these fine autumn mornings give. They will find it no task whatever to cover ten miles and reach home again by 6 o'clock, which gives time for breakfast and a chance to reach the factory when: the whistle blows. There is no tonic like cycle riding, and cycle riding cannot be enjoyed as it is in the fall.” ——— Couldn’t Be Done. From the Chicago Post. The orator was anxious for an honest opinon as to his speech. “To be frank with you,” said the friend to whom it had been submitted, “I think it is too long. Now, if you had cut the norsense out of it—' “Cut the nonsense out of it!” roared the orator excitedly. “Impossible.” “But why?” “Why? Why? Hang it all, it’s a free silver speech, and what do you suppose would be left?” * = he means to pay back. The man who acts as Secretary of the Realy Money is also the treasurer. He, takes pretty good care to give a good acchunt of his stewardship, for -his happiness depends ypon his con- duct. The Chinese Ready Moneys frequent- ly closeup. inva week, though ordinarily they last longer. Each transaction is a Separate one. A main may be a member of a dozen or have all of his money in one. “The great advaatyge ofthe Ready Money is that It gives,’ y one who wants it Toney to opr business for himself whenever he see: oppartunity. There is no waittmm-no security 49. needed except a promise t» pay. The payment never fails, except for goWd reasons, such as accident or sickress. [y fact, It'does not pay to fail to pay, for if; will cost more in the long run. When your civilization is five thou- sand years old, yoh will know more than you do now, an@ will understand things that now seem to be wonderful in us.” What" Worrtea Him. “Are. you wourled any over the 16 to 1 question?” aské& an F street real estate dealer of d°$1,690 clerk in the Post Office Department., ” 5) or “Not: 80. much,about that.as I'am over the sixteen, hundred to nothing that will follow .if- ryan, is elected,” was the re- sponge. ti tid eS ee When “Tyo \Friends Quarrel, the Third Person in Generally Benciited, From Filegende Blatter.) * GREATER THAN DUTY. An English Subject Presents His Case to am American Citizen. One of those soft evenings of two or three weeks ago a Star reporter and a friend of his had pat down for a few minutes in Far- Fagut Square to pull quietly at thetr cigars, it being about that time in the gloaming when to pull a cigar ts most pleasant and permeating to the human system. As they sat enjoying the fact that they were abid to do what they were doing, they were ap- Proached by @ person who wasn't able to do it. “I beg your pardon, sir," he satd, im a plain English accent, to the reporter, “can you render me a bit of assistance?” carter 1 suppose?” queried the re- “Yes; if there's enough after a bite to eat, sir. I ike a drink quite as well as most men, sir, and am willing to make a sacrifice to get it, but there are tiges when a@ man must eat, sir, in order to keep alive 80 he can be able to drink.” ‘I hadn't thought of it that way,” laugh- ed the reporter, “but I see the force o: it, and I would suggest that as you are on the Bain might as well go on up to the British embassy and get a bite there. I understand they live well there.” - ‘So Ive heard, sir,” replied the English- man, “‘and that’s where I’m going, but tt occurred to me, str, that {t was my duty to go there, ar it was the duty of the people there to feed: me when I arrived, and, sir, England expects every man to do her duty. But you are an American, land hase't a right to expect anything com Se helped me a Dit, sir, you 80 erealt ie much more to your it was a skillful blu: a att ian ff, and it won, as it —— BUILT BY A Boy. Exact Model of Locomotive Dis- Dinyed at the World's Fair. Wonderful as is the great engine “O99’" which pulls the Empire State Express, a bey has just completed a model of it which practical engineers say is In some respects more of a marvel than the real engine. The model is one-twentieth the size of the orig- inal, and is such an exact reproduction and works so perfectly as to astonish all who see it. Struck by the mechanical beauties of the monster engine while at the world’s fair, Willis Brown, a young mechanic of Wal- tham, Mass., has devoted no less than one hundred working days to reproducing it in miniature. The model contains over one thousand Pieces, all of which young Brown made himeelf. The dimensions are: Length, 1734 inches, height, 4% inches; drivers, 2 inches in diameter; cylinders, 3-8 by 1-2 inch. The outside diameter of the boiler is 7% inches, and it holds about half a tumblerful of water. The fire-box is held by sixty-four nuts around the base and twelve stay bolis on each side. In place of grates and ash pan a bran- box is placed under the fire-box so that alcohol can be run in from the tender and the surface ‘set on fire. It will burn for about ten minutes without being replen- ished. A steam pressure of ninet¥ pounds ~~ AN OLD EXPERIMENT. The uence of m Christening Must Have Its Limits. Mr. Twittles had been poring over the dictionary for some time. “Can't you find the word you want?” his wife inquired, “I Goh't want any word,” he ansvered. “The trowble with half the people nowa- Gays is that they have more words than they know what to do with. ‘They start cbt to tell you something and they get it so tangled up in a luxuriant vocabulary that it tukes hours to tell what ought to be said in ten minutes. I don’t want any more words, I was just seeking diver- sicn.” unusual way of amus- “That's @ rather ing. exrrgreneil “That's no sign it ton't way. It's ‘@ solemn fact that people will a chance to have a good time when it’s right before them and go hunting around for what doesn’t amount to anything after they've secured it. When I fecl the need of diversion pas up one of the books that contains facts in the briefest form. I can get more enjoyment out of the back of the dictionary than I can out of a novel. I thought I would get away from politics for awhile. But there's no use of trying to do that. It shoves ttself to the front, even in the dictionary.” “I don’t see how that can be. What part were you reading?” “The part that tells the meanii of Christian names. has set me to ing about the way destiny steps in and interferes with our plans. 1 think I’ve found out what makes Junkers so kind cf cynical and morcee. He was mai three times and had eight children. I lecked up the meanings of their names, as I’ve no doubt he did before the christen- ing. His first child was named ‘Alger- non.” That means ‘with whiskers!’ Aj- gernon {is verging on old age, and he hasn't any more beard than a china egg. The next was a girl.” “Yes, that’s Vivien. She was the slow- est, stupidiest woman I ever knew.” “Do you know what Vivian mesons?” ke inquired, referring to the dictionary. “That means ‘lively.’ Then there was Evangeline, whose name means “bringing glad news’” “I never saw such a troubie!” “Then there was Alvin. ‘Alvin’ means “beloved by all’” “T’ve seen a whole street full of children stop playing end hide when he care around the corner. He's very different He's the most in some waye. frcm his brother Walter. amiable man I ever knew What does ‘Walter’ mean?” “Phat means “a ruler of hosts.’ ” “Yes. His wife is named Winid Wini- fred. That means ‘A lover of peace.’ ” “There was one son named Charles.” es, Here it ts: ‘Charles—strong; man- ly: noble-spirited.’ He was so bash?ul he'd forget what his own name was if you asked him real quick. And Felix (trans lated happy; prosperous) was so unlucky that one thme when a flood threatened they gave hiri his own odds to bet that there'd be another shower. It cleared up inside of two hours. And there's George. That's Greek for ‘land-hotder or husbandmsn.’ hag been borne by the boiler without in-| Ever since George was sixteen years old he jury. The model exactly follows the drawings from which the original was constructed, and is said to be a perfect reproduction. Two Campnign Sports Who Startled the Community. “How ts the election going?” asked a Star reporter of one of the oldest inhabitants of a rural community. “I. d’no,” wus the reply. “This is the fust time I didn’t feel able ter venture a guess. But I can’t resk my reppytation ez a far-seein’ man by givin’ out no opinions.” “But I understand that some of the men here are so positive that they’ve bet on the election. “Thet’s whut makes me so skittish. I never see anything like the doin’s thet are afoot at the present time.” “Some of tke bets made are very un- vsual, I understand.” “Some of ‘em is the foolfshest I ever heard on.” “One men, they tell me, has agreed to &) for one year with one side of his whis- kers shaved off if Bryan is elected.” “That's a feck. An’ the feller thet bet weth him says thet ef he loses he'll ride a calf ter town every mornin’ fur a week.” “I suppose several wagers have been made by which the losers wheel the win- ners e.0und in wheelbarrows.” “Yes. That's been done, too. An’ Jud Swinker, he made a bet wet Si Larkins, weth the onderstandin’ thet the loser is ter quit courtin’ the gal they’re both in love weth. There don’t seem te- be no limit ter the outlardish things they kin think up. But the mos’ durndest foolishest bet was made by Jay Simpson an’ Elihu Geehaw. “Have they managed to eclipse the others?” “Put ‘em clean in the shade. The hull county is talkin’ ‘bout it. Why, sir, them fellers ackchilly got together an’ bet re’l money!” ee HE WAS WAITING. A Number of “Insues” Were Mention- ed, but Not the Right One. The colored man had been sitting for half an hour or more on a chair with three legs, rubbing his knee while he listened to the campaign missionary. The latter, falling to elicit any response to his persuasions, left htm to seek a more promising subject. “Is busiress lively in this part of the country?’ inquired a Star revorter who was waiting for a train. “Not ve'y,” was the answer. “Dey doan’ seem ter be tryin’ ter sell much o’ anything Jes’ now, ’ceppin’ votes an’ bicycles.” suppose the politicians are quite ; de gemman dat wus talkin’ ter me jes’ now wus one o’ dem. He done hab er pow’ful Jot er big words.” “Couldn't you grasp his meaning?” “Wal, suh, I could foller de soun’ ef I couldn’ allus ketch de exac’ sense. He done talk sumpin’ ‘bout anarchism and den he tu’ned ’is remarks ter socialism.” “Those are rather profound topics fox you to consider.” “I didn’ let "em worry me none. I jes’ ‘lowed ‘im ter go on. I know whut I wants an’ I's min’in’ my own affa‘hs.” “Didn't he mention anything else?” “I b'lieve he said sumpin’ "bout populism an’ Bryanism an’ McKinleyism.” “And you didn’t give him any encourage- ment.” “No, suh. I didn’ stop ‘im. I jes’ let ’im keep on talkin’ in de hope dat he'd hab somet’ing ter say ’bout rheumatism. Dat's de subjek he sho'ly would of wahmed me up on.” > — The Tiresome Ren. “The human body,” said the doctor, throwing a wise look across the dinner table at the superintendent, “with proper nourishment and proper exercise, can stand great heat and great cold. Now, I presume you haven't any Idea of the extremes— heat ané cold—” “Oh, yes,” interrupted the superinten- dent; “my Washington experience teaches me that the two extremes are ice cream and oysters. And, speaking of heat and cold,” he continued, glancing at the bright coal fire in the grate, “isn’t it a little sin- gular that the fireplace grate is cold tf it is not coaled, and hot when it is coaled? Now, it can’t be hot and cold at the same time, although it may be coaled and hot, yet it is generally cold when not coaled. I presume you catch my meaning—" But the young doctor had caught up his hat, and was trying to catch a cable car. ——__ The Important Issue. “What d’ye know about this here ray- tyo?” asked the farmer, breaking into the corner grocery discussion, where a Star re- rorter was one of the listeners. “You want some points about the ray show?” asked the village justice, “T’ve got some ideas on that myself.” “The ray-she-o is the most important feature of the contest,” remarked the lawyer. “Lil be satisfied with any rah-she-o up to 20 to 1,” said the doctor. “If it'ls the rash-o you are talking about, said the new schoolmaster from Boston, think I can enlighten you. By rash-o' we mean——" But at this juncture the cat treed a rat In the flour barrel and cut aff debate. ° has traveled with a circus.” “StL,” his wife said pensively, “I don’t see what you mean when you say that this kind of reading doesn’t take your mind off politics, It seems to me that there couldu’t very well be anything more remote.” “That's beeause you haven't been follow- ing the same train of thought that I have. All these examples fllustrate a truth in political economy, as well as in domestic economy. You can name the baby whai- ever you choose, but you haven't the slightest assurance that it'll live up to the ttle. It’s your privilege, with the proper formalities, to give it any designation that sults your faney, but that tion. doesn’t make any difference in the long run. And the same way, it may be pos- sible to take fifty cents and eall it a dol- lar. There's nothing to prevent a gov- ernment’s deciding to give it that appelia- tion if the highest powers agree to it. But its nature will be 50 cents, just the same.” —>—_—_ A PHILOSOPHIC ENTERPRISE. A Mam Who Believed tm Yielé@ing Gracefally to the Inevitable. The hardware dealer came up to attend to a serene looking old gentleman, who had been drawing something with a lead pen- cil on the wrapping paper on the counter. “There,” the customer said, holding up the results of his efforts, “you see that érawing?” “You mean that circle?” “It's a eircle as nearly as I could ap- proximate it without instruments. I wish to submit that as the plans and specifica- tions for an augur. I desire to purchase a tool that wil: bore a hole just that size.” “You want it for a very exact piece of work.” “Yes, sir.” The dealer sold him the augur, and then remarked: “If you are a builder I'd l-ke to show you some new goods we've got in in the way of carpenters’ tools.” “It wouldn't te of the slightest use. This will be my debut as an artisan. If I weren’t a4 humane and sympathetic person I wouldn't begin at this late day in life, but I know just what I want done and I won't trust it to a hired man. Every night for the past three weeks I have heard gnawings around the wood work in my sleeping room. “Mice?” “It must be mice. Now these animals have their communities and thoroughfares just the same as people have.” “You ought to set traps for them.” “It wouldn't do any good. As soon as you catch one others will come. A certain area of available territory is in the econo- my of nature expected to support a cer- tain number of mice, and there's no use in trying to depopulate it. The best thing to do is to arrange it so they will make az little disturbance as possible. T am even- tempered, but I ccnfess that the gnawing annoys me. But it's evidently occasioned ty some plans for street extension that they have decided to carry out, and there is no use in delaying the undertaking by interfering with them. So I have located the spots where they are operating and taken the measure of a hole that they have already gnawed. Now, I'm going to take this augur and bore holes wherever they’re needed, thereby greatly facilitating their endeavors, and securing to myself several hours of much needed sleep every night.” ees Clreularly Speaking. From ihe Chicago Record. “You remember Kadgers gave a beautiful solitaire diamond to Miss Thinlips when they became engaged?” “Well?” “Well, that was one ring. When they were married they made their wedding trip on a tandem. That was touring. Now they are settled down and she’s a vixen. And they have a three-ring circus every day.” Visitor—“Ah, that’s an old master, sure- ay? Mrs. Veneer (apologetically)—“Y-e-e-s— but the frame is new!""—London Punch. DAMAGES WANTED. Remarkable Grievance an@ @ Liberal for Cask. ‘The subordinate ratlway official had been talking ‘oc a Star reperter shout the hara- hess of the times. He had just Gelivercd a few Femarks on the scheincs people wilt ‘Fesort £6 to get something for hethine, when & aan with » hosty manner came in, “I suppore,” he said, without introducing himself, “thet {t's exstomary for 6 teflway to pay Gamaces when ft hills ivertock.” “It is, If You ean make the ralway do it,” was the tinencouroging response. “Weil, I have & ease that I think ts »i right. I came directly here with it because I'm ood-natured man, and I want te spare President and board of ditetors of this company the humiliation of being into eotrt.” “1 Gon't expect to get pata for all my griev- ance, There are beretvements for which Money cannot pay. But I want jneties,” He pulled from his overcoat pocket the stuffed skin of an onwevally large black snake. Wiping his cyes with a ref hand- kerchief, he pointed to the snake with his outstretched palm and said: “There ie ali that remains of the pet of the household end the pride of the netah- borhood. I tock him to the taxidermist’s a8 s00n as I could, for, this being that wae one of the gertiest and cheerf: of . That's trains ruthlessly ran over him at of twenty miles an hoor and extingohset the vital spark.” “What do you want us to Go; send out section hend to catch you another snake?” “Do you imagine for an instant that an other covld take the place of thin? Bat, of jou don't know anything about his “One éoftar?” “¥-yes; if you insist upon tt." The railway man paid Bim cash ané re- marked: “He probably doesn’t realize that be has worked hard for that dollar; but be bas.” KIND, BUT FORGETFUL A Woman Tells of = Dirthaay Present She Reecived. A half dozen Washington women were Well, my birthday occurred last week, and when I opened my birthday box from her ladyship, would you believe it her for Christmas. lvoked at the trinket since the day it was received, #f, indeed, she had ever seen it, and had sent me that out of a lot of such unconsidered trifies as she had on hand. Now, wasn’t that funny?” “Possibly,” ventured another, “she made a mistake and didn’t intend to send you that.” “It wouldn't improve matters much tt she didn’t,” laughed the first one, “for she would be giving my present to somebody else in that case, which would be about as difficult to explain as the other, so I let it all go.” “Why not send it back to her at Christ- mas and save that much?” suggested a third. “And that’s just what I shall do; thank you,” and the narrator for the first time began to 1eally enjoy tre situation. pe MRS. JILSON'’S AMBITION. She Wants to See a Cartoon of Mr. Bryan Realistically Presented. “You ought to go about the country more, and then you would not be so sure of the election of McKinley,” said Mrs. Jilson. “I see many of the newspaper men from Washington have said that Bryan is going to carry this state and that state, more than enough to elect him, I am sure.” “Humph,” Jilson grunted tn his most dis- agreeable manner. “Oh, I know,” continued Mrs. Jilson airi- ly, “you think you know as much us they do, but you don’t. I know Bryan is going to be elected, and I'm glad of it.” Jilson said nothing. “And I just hope he will ride right up to the White House and the Capitol on that Gear little donkey he bas been riding about the country, just io show everyoody that he is not a bit proud, and that his nice little donkey is better than the comic papers have made him out.” And Mrs. Jilson defiantly nodded her head at Jilson, who refrained from comment. — ‘Two Pcints of View. From the Semervilie Journal. City Young Man (watching the skirt danc- ers gyrations on the stage)-—“Graceful, isn’t it, Aunt Emeline?” Aunt Emeline (fresh from wayback)— “Graceful? Disgraceful, I should say.” —_—__—__+22— Terrible Condi From Trath. “Will you accept the challenge?” inquired the reporter. “I will not,” replied Jawbett, the pugilist. “The man is not in my class and he insists on ridiculous terms. Why, he actually pro- poses that we shall wear gags during the progress of hostilities.” She Understood. From the Chicago Journal. “Madam,” shouted the attorney, “do you know what the punishment will be if you do not tell the truth as you have sworn to oon “Certainly I do; I will be cross-questioned again.”