Evening Star Newspaper, June 27, 1896, Page 15

: THE EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, JUNE 27, 1896—-TWENTY-FOUR PAGES. ° “°F DE LAWD! IF YOU AIW 15 DE MOS’ BEATENES’ LIAH—! HE WAS OUTCLASSED The Old Darky Fisherman Thought He Knew Catfish. A PARDONABLE SKEPTIC Trying to Keep Pace With Scien. tific Fish Stories. a SOME REMARKABLE CATFISH ——— Written for The Evening Star. Y FRIEND WIL- kinson is an fehthy- ologist—goes in for studying fishes and their structure and bones and pedigrees, and he ts really very well posted on his hobby. He can tell you how many spines a shiner has in his back fin or how many joints an eel has in his spinal column, or any other foolish, useless thing like that without stopping to think. But he is what people would call a crank, to a certain extent, and I have seen him absently ccunting the bones in a cod- fish ball at breakfast, from pure force of scientific habit. But he is a nice, clever fel- low, and we often take long strolls together, when I sometimes let him talk on his pet ubject. This is a considerable boon to that kind of a man, so we are good friends. Not long ago we were rambling along the wharves, as we often do, and came upon an ld darky, who was patiently angling for his favorite channel catfish. He must have been between seventy and i and wa specimen of the old stock who were brought up in slavery—one of the kind you can never pass without speaking to, so we stopped and inquired about his luck. He replied in a very courteous manner, and a short conversation developed, on his part, a decided tendency to volubility. This was fully encouraged Wilkinson, who ked that question so often fatal to the moral faculties of men: Uncle, about how large was the bigg catfish you ever caught?” Pow'ful Big Catties. The old man at once fell into that remi- niscent, ultra-truthful air which the man, whatever his color, always assumes when he begins to lie, and said slowly “Well, sah, dat is a hahd question. W’en I was a young man an’ lived down in Fer- ginny an’ uster feesh in de Rappahannock I done cotched some pow'ful big catties, sah. Pow'ful big. I rec'lec’ one time I was a-feeshin’ at night—dat’s de hes’ time fo’ sh an’ els, sah—an’ a catty tuck hole onto my_line. an’ I says to my ole man, who was a-feeshin’ in de yether end of de dug- com | | Patiently Angling for His Favorite “Catties.” out: “Pap,” says T, ‘dey ain’ ewine tn he no mo’ feeshin’ fo’ dis niggah dis night. My line done hung up on a lawg.’ An’ I up an’ t a yank, an’ de catfeesh he up an’ guv yank back an’ upsot de dugout. But de as tied fas’ to de seat, an’ I hung onto de boat, an’ de ole man he hung on, an’ timeby we paddled her asho’ on a mud bah. An’ wen we got her righ weighed fo'ty- true as I'm a- y-eight pounds not large for a cat- but it is larger than the old darky had ever seen, for the species of the Atlan- tic slope never grow above sixteen pounds. But Wilkinson ignored the inaceuracy and replied: No Fool Catfish. “That was a pretty large catfish, uncle, but I heard of one that was caught in the Mississippi last week which was over four feet long and weighed one hundred and sixty-one pounds. There are two kinds in the swamps and rivers of Africa, cailed Clarias and Porcus, which grow to be over feet in length; and siluras glanis, of the rivers of Europe, sometimes weigh as much as four hundred pounds.” The old man expressed no astonishment, and his countenance did not change. He accepted it quietly as the natural sequence of his own yarn, and that it should be of heavier caliber was, of course, inevitable. He sat with his eyes fixed intently on his line and was evidently mustering his fac- ulties for another effort. But Wilkinson said to me: “There are really some curious things about the catfishes, and, taking them all together, I think they are about the most interesting of the orders. You know most fishes are cannibals, and will devour their offspring as soo as they are hatched, or their eggs as soon as they are laid, for that matter; but the catfish is It 4s wonderTuily Carefui of iis swims around followed by its brood just like an old hen with her chickens. If they are attacked they skurry to her, and she will fight for them with the greagest flerce- ness. Some species are nest-builders. They will construct a regular nest, and when the eggs are deposited the male will de- fend it with the courage of a hawk. Did you know about that, uncle “Did I know ‘bout dat? Sui'n’y, I knowed "bout dat,” replied the darky, scornfully. “Ain't I nevah seed de oie she-catfe ettin’ on he nes’ &ii" Ge ols he-catfeesh hust!! roun’ chasin’ de minnows? Cose I has. W'en I was a pickaninny dey was a pa'r o’ catfeesh done made a nes’ in de creek right by de house, an’ me an’ my brudder uster see "em mos’ ev’y day. An’ one time my brudder he cotched de ole he, an’ de ole she kep’ right on a-settin’. hty years old, | | That is the | mos’ outrageous, An’ dey wasn’t no one to fotch her any- thing to eat an’ she couldn't leave de nes’ on account o’ de minnows, so she jes’ kep’ right on a-settin’, day in an’ day out, an’ a-gittin’ mo” an’ mo’ thin an’ po’ ev’y day, tell she jes’ nachally got so thin she couldn't kiver de aigs an’ dey wouldn’t hatch o4 nohow. An’ de thinner she got Ge mo’ she couldn’t kiver de aigs, an’ de mo’ she couldn’t kiver "°em de mo’ dey wouldn’t hatch out, an’ so she kep’ on a-settin’ and a-settin’ tell she jes’ stahved to death an’ tu’ned bottom side up an’ floated off. An’ de yether feesh done git all de aig: E replied Wilkinson, “that must have been a fcol catfish. Why—" “No, she wasn’ no fool catfeesh, neliher,” exclaimed the old man, warmly. “Deed s! "t. Dat catfeesh had a heap o’ “Well, then, why didn’t she do as the cat- fish called Arius, which lives down in Cen- tral America and over in the East Indie. As soon as the eggs are laid the male takes them in his mouth and keeps them there until they are hatched out. He doesn't loaf around cne place day after day. He gces where he pleases and takes Ess 2lon; Why didn’t she do that?” Yah, yah!” laughed the old man, with great incredulity. “Catfeesh go roun’ wid he’s mouf stuffed full o” aigs an’ not swaller ‘em, rur cough 'em out? How "bout when he chew he’s grub. Chew up a‘gs an’ all? Yah, yah! Oh, no! Dat fool catfeesh you all be’n talkin’ "bout ain’ no sech fool 23 dat. No, sah. She ain’t trust- in’ her aigs in nobody's mouf to git chew- ed up.” “Fish don’t chew,” replied Wilkinson. “Oh, go long!” said the darky, with scme irritation. “Well, they don’t. But why didn’t she Jo this, then: There is a catfish in South America which carries her eggs around stuck to the under part of her body. She does not starve to death watching a nest, and her eggs don’t get stolen, either. That fish’s name is Platystacus.” “Dey ain’ no use ir tellin’ me no sech names. Dey ain’ fitten, an’ don’ wan’ to hyah nuthin’ "bout "em. A man kain’t feesh an’ talk, nohow.” But Wilkinson persisted. The Doras Catfish. “If that catfish had only had half the sense of another ene I know about, called Doras, which lives in South America, she would not have been troubled by the min- ncws. When the Lreeding season comes the mates crawl out on the land and scoop out a hele in the beach. When that is done they wriggle around and gather up leaves and twigs and make a nest in the hole; then the mother fish lays her eggs and they cover them over with leaves and guard them until they are hatched. The breeding time is during the rainy season, so their gills are kept wet all the time and they can breathe as well on shore as they could in the water. But you see the other fishes can’t leave the stream to get at the nest, so the eggs, except from snakes and such things, are pretty safe.” A Fighting Catty. This was a rather heavy shot for the old dzrky’s equanimity. He shifted uneasily, but evidently determined to make another effort to keep up his side he said, after a pause: “Well, sah, dat "minds me of de man whut owned de place nex’ to my ole mahs- tah’s, down in Ferginny. Dey was a gret, big catfeesh lived down in a deep hole in de creek on dis man’s place, undah a syco- mo’ tree, an’ dis catfcesh he'd come out’n de watah jes’ lak de one you all's ben talkin’ "bout. An’ dis "yah man he was a fret spote—fit chickens an’ sech, tell you couldn’ res’—an’ he went to wuk, sah, an cotched dis ‘yah catfeesh an’ trained ‘him an’ trained him so he'd come*6ut w'enevah is man w'istle. An’ he lant dat catfeesh to fight. He got so as a chicken wid he's spurs didn’ have no mo’ show agin bim wid he’s sp:kes than a goslin’ agin a weazel. He'd tek dat feesh in a tub 0’ watah an’ go ovah to Marylan’, sah, an’ whop anything dey could fotch agin him, an’ all he'd have to do would be to stan’ reun’ w’en de feesh was fightin’ an’ souse bim now an’ agin wid a dippah of watah. Lan’! but he sholy did think a feap o' dat feesh. He wouldn’ a swopped him fur a hoss.” The Electrical Fish. “That was a pretty smart fish, no doubt, but let me tell you about a catfish which lives in the Nile in Egypt. You know where that is—where Moses was found among the bull rushes. Well, this fs an electrical fish. If you touch it anywhere, particularly on the belly, you will get an electric shock—the same as when you touch the ends of a broken telegraph wire or catch hold of the handles of one of these machines you see on the streets for testing the strength of the current you can stand. You know what I mean, don’t you, uncle? ind of a catfish Malapterurus electricus is. ‘The old negro was slowly pulling in his line. He wound it deliberately, drew up his tring of half a dozen fish from the water, vieked up his bait can and rose to his feet. Fo’ de Lawd!” he gasped, surveying the id Wilkinson with mingled wonder and “Fo’ de Lawd! Ef you ain’ de de mos’ beatenes’ Hah rl reproach. More Remarkable Fish. “No, no,” replied Wilkinson, earnestly. “You are mistaken, uncle; I have not told you a single thing that is not strictly true. No, the trouble is that you don’t know very much about catfish, as many as you have caught. I'l venture to say that there are many kinds which you would not know to be catfish at ‘There is the South American fish, Callichthys, which ts cov- ered with big, bony plates, like armor. It leaves the water like the ones we were talking about, and travels around every- where on the land in great droves. You don’t need a hook and line to catch them —you don’t even need a dog, unless it might be to dig them up out of the ground, for they often bury themselves— all you have to do is to take your basket and your hoe and go out and dig them as you would sweet potatoes. And there are— “Den’ say no mo’! Don’—* “There are lots of other armored cat- fish which you would never recognize in the world unless you knew the character- istics of the order. You ought to know those, uncle. I'll tell you what they are. In the first place, the Nematognathi—that is the catfish order—are always either naked or covered with osseous scutes. Barbels are always present, and the sub- operculum is invariably absent. The max- illary is only rudimentary. The parietals and the supraoccipital are confluent and the four anterior vertebrae are co-ossified and are provided with ossicula auditus. You will notico that, uncle. Then there is no_mesopterygium—' The old darky had been standing with his hand raised and his jaw wagging in the vain effort to say something or to stop the glib, incomprehensible torrent, but with a gesture of impotent rage he tusned and hobbled off the wharf. Just before he left our sight he stopped and picked up a brick, then hurried on, shaking his head. dat — —— Scissors for Soft Boiled Eggs. From the New York Times. Egg scissors have come. They take off the top of the breakfast soft boiled egg with neatness and dispatch, making the rest of the edible easy of access with the small egg spoon. ABOUT MARK TWAIN How He Was Forced to Lecture in Washington Without Warning. HIS ATTRACTIVE WAYS Reminiscences of the Popular Au- thor and Lecturer. eee A FAMOUS BANQUET SPEECH Writtea for The Evening Star. A book has recently been published, en- titled “Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc,” by Mark Twain. Considering the facts that Joan lived and died in the early Part of the fifteenth century, and that Mark was born along toward (he middle of the nineteenth century, thus requiring him to draw upon his meemory for narration of events personally observed by him about four and a half centuries before he was born, captious people might want to know the processes by which his mind had ac- complished this fact. I do not belong to that faction. My faith is unlimited in anything Mark Twain may say or do. A few years ago it was my good or ill fortune to be at the head of an exccutive office under the federal government in Washington. One day during a session of Congress, a slightly built, gray-haired man was ushered into my room, bearing a note of introduction to me from Senator Joseph R. Hawley of Connecticut. The man was Mark Twain. I was glad to meet him, and told him so, following the statement Ly another to the effect that something inore than twenty years before I had listened with a good deal of delight to a lecture « livered by him in Washington on the sub- Ject of “The Sandwich Islands. An Unpremeditated Lecture. “Oh, yes,” said Twain, “I delivered such a lecture in this city, and the history of that production was peculiar. I came here at that time for rest and to visit some of my friends. Congress was in session, and I expected to have a good time. I arrived in the city at night, and being tired cid not care to leave the hotel for any purpose un- ti) morning. “When I opened the daily paper next morning at breakfast, what was my amaze- ment to see an announcement in the ad- vertising columns that I would deliver a jecture that evening at the old Lincoln Hall on the subject of the Sandwich Is- lands. I had no euch lecture on hand. No- body had asked me to deliver such a lec- ture. Not a soul had spoken to me on the subject, nor had I spoken to anybody im- mediately or remotely hinting toward such a performance. To say that I was angry, would iinperfectly describe my mental con- dition. For once, language sd¢emed too poor to enable me to do the subject justice. I longed to meet the miscreant or mis ants who had taken such liberties with my name. But the more I reflected on the subject, the more the embarrassments of the situation dawned upon me. Suppos: should make a public statement of t facts that the announcement of the le ture was without my authorization, knowl- edge or consent. Half the community would not believe me. They would think there was sore advertising dodge in some way connected with it. “As you may imagine, my appetite had disappeared, and my breakfast was left upon the table untasted. I wanted to find my unknowr advertising agent. When I visited the hotel office T found huge pos- ters upon the walls making the same an- nouncement as was contained in the news- paper advertising columns, and. that the whole town had been billed in a thorough manner. Taking the Bull by the Horns, “By a careful series of inquiries I learned that an old personal friend of mine, whose Hbations sometimes led him into extrava- gancies and inconsistencies, had put up this job upon me, not through pique or malice, but in his exuberance at learning I wis in the city, wanted to give a demon- stration of his’ admiration for m». That explanation settled my fate. I saw I was in for it. I could not inform the public that the whole miserable business was the result of a drunken freak on the part of cre of my personal friends. So I went to my room, denied rayself to all visitors, and devoted that day to writing a lecture on the subject of the Sandwich Islands. What you heard on the night you spoke of was the resvit.” The lecturer had no reason to be ashamed of the performance. He had a magnificent audience. Representatives and Senators, bureau and cabinet officers, citizens and strangers filled all the seats of the im- mense hall, and there was not even stand- ing room in the aisles. “The Innocents Abroad” had been published only a short time before, and the public-had been quick to recognize the fact which that work dis- closed, that side by side with the quaintest wit there wer2 specimens of rhetoric which marked the author as a master of English prose. A Drag-Net Lecture. As may be supposed, the Sandwich Is- lands did not constitute the sole topic of that lecture. It was used as a sort of drag net to bring before the audience incidents and imageries which had been floating in the mind of the lecturer in his long experi- ence as a traveler at home and abroad. I called his attention to one illustration he used in the course of his lecture to show how mean human nature could sometimes be. He satd: “In a mining district in Cali- fornia there was one day a miner engaged in preparing a charge for blasting rock. With tamping rod in hand he was tamping, tamping, tamping, but in an unlucky mo- ment he gave one tamp too much. The charge exploded prematurely, and that miner shot up into the air like a cannon ball. At first he lcoked about as big as a small boy, then about as big as a cat, then about as big as a bee, and then he went out of sight entirely. By and by he reap- peared. At first he appeared to be about as big as a bee, then about as big as a cat, then about as big as a small boy, then he landed on the same old rock, the tamping rod entered the same old hole, and he com- menced tarping, tamping, tamping. That man wasn’t gone more than fifteen min- utec. But don’t you think that mining company wanted to dock that man for lost time.” When Twain brought the note of intro- duction to me I supposed his chief purpose was probably to look throvgh the institu- tion then in my charge; but as our conver- sation progressed and heads of divisions and callers from the Capitol dropped in on official business and were introduced to him, he became the center of a captivated group of listeners, who remained ag long as they could hear him talk. _At a Chicago Banquet. At the time of his Lincoln Hall lecture in Washington, Mark Twain’s hair was black, and as he stood at the front of the platform I thought he was a splendid specimen of young manhood. About ten years afterward I saw and heard him again at the banquet given in Chicago in honor of the return of Gen. Grant from a trip around the world. The occasion called to- gether more military and literary celebri- ties than are likely to be seen again in one assemblage in a generation. man, Sheridan, Schofield, Logan and many other military officers less in rank were there; and among the gentlemen announc- ed for speeches were Robert G. Ingersoll, Stewart L. Woodford, Emory A. Storrs, Leonard Swett, William F. Vilas and Mark Twain. It was nearly 3 o'clock in the morning when the toast to which Twain was to respond was read. Naturally, af- ter a sitting of nearly nine hours at the banqueting board, interest in the proceed- ings might be expected to diminish, and speeches to pall upon the ear of hosts and guests. But when Twain mounted a table to respond, every face in the great dining hall was turned toward him. The subject of the toast was “Babies,” and from the beginning to the end of the response. there was uproarious laughter. No speech of the many brilliant ones of that night compared with this. As I remember the event after a lapse of seventeen years, some of Twain's sentences come to my remembrance. “If,” said he, “any young husband here thinks he is the head of his household and of consequence there, let him wait until the arrival of the first baby. His wisdom will then count for naught, his authority will C be ignored, and he may consider himself fortunate if he is not driven in humiliation and disgrace to retirement in the back yard.” “One baby in the house is equal to a riot, and two babies are equivalent to an insurrection.” “Whatéver &ny of you may ever do, let me beg of You*hever to indulge in an ambition for twins. At the time of this Grant banquet Twain’s hair had commenced to ghow threads of sil- yer. When I saw him in. my room in Wash- ington, only a few months ago, his locks were white, and his face trem the wrin- kles which time brings to a}l remorselessly. But his spirits were as elastic and his mind was as clear as in his young manhood. One of the most pathetic eyents in the history of this talented author is His loss of a for- tune, honestly accumulated, and the neces- sity which is upon him in his old age of un- eee literary toil to lighten his burden of lebt. SHORT STORIES BY M. QUAD Story of an Umbrclia. The man with the yellow goatee meant to ride several blocks further, but, catching sight of a friend on the sidewalk, he hur- riedly left the car, and his umbrella was left leaning against the front door. As many as a dozen passengers took notice of his heedlessness, and of the six or seven without umbrelli every one decided to secure the estray for himself. It took cheek to walk up to it, but a red-headed man finally arose, looked around the car, and then advanced to the front door and looked | out, at the same time grasping the handle of the umbrella. As he turned to make his way out of the car, a man smilingWy said: “Excuse me, please, but I shall need my umbrella when I get off the car.” “fs this your umbrella?” “Tt is, sir. “Look here!” said a third man, as he half rose up, “it's a mighty queer thing that I can't let go of my umbrella without some one gobbling it up!” “You don't claim this?” queried the man who had it. “Certainly I do.” “Why, it’s my identical umbrella!” gasped the second man. “Ah, there, don’t walk off with that!” put in a fourth. “I’ve lost about a dozen um- brellas on this line this year, and am get- ting tired of it. Just put it ‘back where I left it, will you?” “Not much he won't!” exclaimed a fifth man. “There is a law in this state to pun- ish umbrella thietes, and I'll see that it’s enforced if this thing goes too far! Why don’t you pick my pockets for a change?" Now, then,” sald the red-headed man, “you can’t play no game on me! I guess I know an umbrella which I've carried for six months. Every one of you must have secn me stand it up in.” No, we didn’t chorus. “Then I'm a Mar, am I? Then I'ma would- be thief, am I? I don’t want no row, but"— At this moment the man who owned and left the umbrella boarded the car, after a hot run, and, advancing up the aisle, he reached out for his property, - each Property, with the re. against the door as I came shouted the others in like me—always leaving it be- “Jest so, sir—expected you b 3 sa{d the red-headed man, 0 DSC for it, Yes, expected you back,” “Yes, it's his umbrella other. “I was almost afraid it would be gone,” fd the loser, as he backed out. ©" “Oh, no! no! no!” exclaimed the disput- ants together. “We knew it was yours and were saving it for you!” added No. 2. chorused the Wreeked by a Cigar. “Thanks, but I never accept cigars from any one,” said the man with the ler whis- kers as he waved the case away. “It's an idiom of mine, and I hope you won't be offended.” “Afraid of poison?” queried the other. “Ob, no, no. I had a little adventure with a cigar once upon a time, and I don’t mind relating it. Our firm in Chicago was after a big contract down the state, and I was Grant, Sher- |. sent down to Springfield to worl man who would throw the job ae aaene luck would have it, I met him on the train and as we were hoth smokers we talked over our cigars. I aeceptéd one of his on the go off, and when we had finished ‘em I handed out my case. There was just two cigars in it. One was the last of a box—the other had been given me by some acquaint- ance to try. By the time we lighted up a second time I had my little scheme working all right. and was patting myself on the pack, but wreck and desolation were on my rail. ‘Train run off the track?" No; not that. The man about one-third of that a ER eed -h! bang! and she exploded 1 It was a torpedo cigar which some miserable cuss had put off on me for a joke and it worked my ruin. My man had hig mus! ie and eyebrows singed, the end of his nos¢ blistered, and his eyes filled with ashes, and he arose in his wrath and fell upen me.” “Couldn't you explain?” “When he had me by the hair and was blasting iy blooming eyes?: Not much! Explanations were not in order. He punched thunder out of me in about a minute, and of course, we lost the contract and I lost a good sit, and that's why I buy my own cigars and don’t want to mix in any extras.” ae A Modest Request. From the Chicago Tribune. “I don’t ask you to remove your hat, miss,” plaintively spoke the little man in the seat behind her, “but if you will kind- ly refrain from wabbling your head I will take it as a favor. I am used to the high hat, but I am not accustomed to the wab- ble, and it confuses me and obstructs my view of the gentleman in the orchestra who performs on the kettle drum.” “sir! “Thank you, miss. I don’t mind the high hat, but I confess the wabble did bother me a Uttle. Ever so much obliged. I can see him quite distinctly now.” “Sin TL” “I beg you won't apologize, miss. It was entirely madvertent on your part, I am sure, and—"” “If you say another word I'll call the usher!” “Bless you, miss, that will not be neces- sary! I’m acquainted with all the ushers. Any of them would be glad to oblige me by asking the gentleman who operates the ket- tle drum to move a little to the right, so as to give me a better view of him, but I can see him with perfect ease now, thanks to your having quit—” “Usher!” “Til call him for you, miss. Here, Jerry “I am entirely capable of calling him, sir! I'm going to ask him to bring the manager of the hall!” “I assure you, miss, that will not be nec- essary, either. The manager ‘3 my son-in- law. He will merely instruct the usher to—ah, thanks!” For the young woman, trembling with indignation, had removed her hat. —see A Mocking Birdy’ Dance. From Appleton's Popular Science Monthly. With bodies stiff and straight as an ar- row, head erect and feathers flattened, wings drooping loosely forward, but tails elevated at as an acute an angle to the body as possible, the dancing solemnly be- gins. The eyes are steadily fixed, and as methodically as any, sokjiers upon drill, they sturdily go through the movement of bounding, rising quite high, and descending in very nearly the same place each time, from one end of the playground to the other, back and forth, always keeping the line about a foot apart. As each one nears his or her corner, each slowly and digni- fiedly turns a complete circle, then again faces the other, always diagonally, and slowly bounds back, to repeat the move- ment at the other end. Sometimes both will turn away te look off at some distant object, just as a cat will apparently forget the mouse she is tormenting. That, how- ever, seems to be only a part of the cer- emony, for soon both turn back and the dance is resumed. One day I chanced to witness one of these pretty sights as it took place beneath the wide-spreading branches of a large orange tree, but the scene was interrupted quite unexpectedly. Just at the most graceful part of an intricate pirouette a very puffy and motherly old hen, who, with an unlim- ited number of offspring, had been serenely picking up a dinner close by, evidently feit a sudden impatience at the sight of all this folly, for, to my surprise and amusement, she made a quick rush and dashed between these happy mockers, startling them al- most out of their senses. Instantly the at- mosphere was permeated with two separate and distinct streams of silk-splitting fire, each fully a rod long, as the two angry birds departed for the protection of a neighboring lemon tree. REASONS FOR THE OPEN INVITATION Given by Doctor McCoy to All Chronic Sufferers in Washington, Welcoming Every Sufferer From Catarrh, Bronchitis, Rheumatism, Deafness or Any Other Malady to a Trial Treatment Entirely Free. The purpose of this invitation extended in the Trial Treatment Free clause must not be misunderstood. It is simply the result of the Fawous Physician's desire that the public may obtain without cost sm sdequate knowledge of the treatment which is the perfected result of his life work, which, like bis earlier treatment given to the world ten years ago, will soon be in general adoption by the profession, which has worked such cures in Deafness and Bronchial Diseases alonc as to startle the old school practitioners, which Las already proven by the wonderful record of results that 1t will be the treatment of the future. In ex- tending this invitation Doctor McCoy desires that {ts terms be unequivocal. Every person in Washingon to whom life has be- come @ burden by reason of the filthiness and suf- fering of sommon Cota:rh of the Head, Nose and Throat may now apply at the offices of Doctors McCoy and Cowden and receive a trial treatment free of charge. Every person in Wasbington who has become discouraged and tired of the vain fight they have been making against the cough, the choking spells and the ever-recurring agonies of Asthma and Bronchitis may now upply at the offices of Doctors McCoy an Cowden a.d get an inkling ef what may be done for them by a better system of treat ment than they have heretofore been receiving. They will be cheerfully accorded a trial treatment Without charge. Every person in Washington who has lost strength of heart and strength of Lody and ts becoming pale, emaciated and lantern-jawed and melancholy by the sickness, the torture and the starvation {n- cident to chronle Catarrh of the Stomach may now apply at the offices of Doctors McCoy and Cowden and receive, without expense, an explanatory ad- nutistratton of the treatment that has restored 80 many thousands of gloomy dyspeptics. Every person in Washington who may be under- going the flery agonies of Rheumatism or the Diight, the suffering and the disfigurement of Eczema, or the weakness, failure, misegy and de- cay due to any common form of ~hroaic disease, may now apply at the offices of Doctors McCoy and Cowden and get a glimpse of happier conditions in store for thcm under the McCoy system of treat- ment. The free trial treatment will be accorded to all upon personal application. To those who continue treatment until there will be no expense beyond the regular nom- inal monthly assessment, all medicines included. Dr. McCoy Guring the Deaf, Mra. Mary E. Webster, Twining City, 8.04 D.C. Later my 4 cured “I became totally deaf in my left ear. ear became affected and gradually grew worse. not catch a word of ordinary conversation. When one wanted to speak WAS Necessary to touch me in order to attra Attention. T could not bear the clock te ringing and buzzing noises in my ears, it as though wind’ was press! T bad tried diffe medi cures nt to | stopped mad thi entirely, One t there was a popping, sound in my cars, and then something Seemed to give way, and I could hear again. I hear now distinct] Miss Virginia Loveless, 2108 Ver- mont ave.: “I had been deaf a number of years, and at times almost totally so. The roari buzzing noises In the ears were dreadful Since T have been treated x Doc-ors McCoy wden the noises in my ears have stopped aring bas 50 tT can under- and and hear distinctly Is that before I could not distinguish. I pow tand couversation in an ordiniry Miss Eliza Pope, 910 I st. s.e.: « right ear was entirely usele stand ordinary conversation, My I could not under- The doctors I went to told me the drum of the ear was brokea, T had noises in my head that sounded like escaping steam and ringing. When I went to Doctor McCoy the Deafness had lasted for ight years. Doctor Me- y ie. “I can now hear the T tear the thuader for the first time in years. Now I can hear the birds ‘singing in the trees outside of the house.”” George Cecil Hyde, ave.: ‘I cculd not hear ordinary conversation. “Since going to Dz. McCoy my hearing bas beon restored. “I can hear conversation clearly.” Mrs. Hyde, the boy’s mother, sald to the “We notice remarkable change in our bo: dition. We test his bearing every day, and find he will answer us now. Am happy to say that be is doing excellently. He hears me when I address him in a very ordinary tone.” « 3400 Prospect riter: ‘con. John M. Clark, 917 26th St. No W.: “1 sin my cars that at times made it im- for me to hear at all. They were like the of bells, the buzzing of a sawmill and es- caping steam. "I could not understand conversa- tion. All sounds seemed dull ani fusing I finally went to Doctors McCoy and Cowden. T can hear conversation in ordinary tones, and the noises have disappeared.” Pp. F. Milligan, 115 4th st. n.e., Cap- itol Hill: “I feel like going dowa the avenue and } telling every one my deafness 1s cured. I was deaf for 18 years; could scarcely hear a word; I wouid Press a clock to my ear and wever hear it tick. I was deaf as a brickhat. Doctor McCoy cured me entirely. If there le anybody who does not believe it let him come aud see me in person.” Frank Miller, 533 9th at. s.e., expert anachinist: I could nat hear a sentence a short dis- tance away. Sounds were confused. I had to ask people to repeat. I cculd not hear my watch tick. Buzying sounds were constant. Since taxing Dr. McCoy's treatment my hearing has been restored. I hear perfectly. Patrick McGraw, 214 E st. s.w. (83 years of age): ‘I bad been hard of hearing for ten years. There were constant ringing and buzzing eounds in my ears. 1 cotnd not hear a watch or clock tick at all. I can now hear the clock tick and all ordinary conversation. I hear the street cars passing, which I could not before. The unnatural sounds ‘have left my ears.’” Justus E. Griswold, 205 Pennsylva- nia ave.: ‘had to take my watch and press It very hard against my left ear to hear it at all. I contd not_hear speakers at a distance. Under Doctor McCoy’s treatment I notice a wonderful change ia my hearing. COPIES OF DOCTOR McCOY’S MONOGRAPH ON DEAFNESS WILL BE MAILED ON APPLICA- TION TO THOSE DIRECTLY INTERESTED IN THH CURE OF THIS CONDITION MORE ABOUT THE MARVEL OF CURING THE DEAF. Captain William Hunt, 513 E st. nw.: “I am now 77 years old. It may seem strange to some people to hear me say I can hear better now than I could ten years ago. “It was just about ten years ago that I began to get deaf. I grew so deaf I could not hear the door bell ring or a clock tick. I have an alarm clock at home, but I could not hear it ring. “With this deafness I had terrible noises in my ears like steam escap- Cept. Wr. Hunt, 513 E st. n.w., tes- ties to Dr. McCoy's skill in curing | deafness. ing from an engine. When the weather was bad my hearing was even worse, and The Ringing Noises were enough to drive a man crazy. “Down at the Pension Office my fellow employes would have to speak. in a loud voice to make me hear. “I attend St. Patrick’s Catholic | Church, corner roth and F streets, and unless I got down in a front pew 1 Could Not Understand What Was Sa “Rev. Father D. J. Stafford has a/ splendid voice, his -enunciation is | clear and distinct always,yet I would have the greatest difficulty in dis- | tinguishing what he said. “At the meetings of the Rawlings } Post, G. A. R., any of my comrades can tell you that I was so deaf 1} might as well have stayed at home, as far as my hearing anything was concerned. Since my treatment with Doctors McCoy and Cowden I Can Bear Distinctly ordinary conversation. “The little alarm clock gets me out in the morning now. My friends | all notice the change and speak of it. The ringing and buzzing sounds have ceased altogether. I can hear the wagons in the street, the cable bells and other sounds with which I had been unfamiliar for many years. “Many of my associates at the Pension Office, who have been more or less deaf; seeing my improvement followed my advice, and are now} having their hearing restored by Doctors McCoy and Cowden.” Maurice Clagett, 215 A st. s.e.: a quarter of a century I had been Meat. conversation Icould not bear at ail. I went to Dr. McCoy. I ean now hear in any left car or- dinary conversation; my right ear was almost stone deaf. Today I distinetiy bs an auction bel a Dock away. I bear th ter of horses’ beofs; sounds which I had not beard in years.” ‘For Ordinary Mrs. Marin D. Bradley, 919 F st. s.w.: “I was very deaf, and had ringing and buzziag scunds in my ears all the time. I could not hear erdinary conversation. People would have to shout to make me understand, I could not hear the cloc relief until T went I can now j nary conve! 5 | any part of the room.” | Oscar Rundgvist, 218 Harrison st., Anacostia, car inspector, B. and P. R. R.: “I could not hear ordinary conversation. I would have fo ask questions repeatedly, ‘There were whistling | and ringing noises in my «ars like steam. I con} not hear the clock tick. Since taking Doctor Me- Ccy’s treatment I am improving wonderfully well, Tcan hear the clock tick several fect away.” DR. McCO¥ CURING DYSPEPSIA. Mrs. Joneph Sykes, 1214 19th st. n.vw. “I had been a sufferer from acute Dyspepsia for years. At times it seemed as thongh something were pressing on my stomach, I had severe head- ches. ‘There was sharp, Iai pains in the ck and sides. ‘would be a. sense of fallness, na ion, seem- d to lose all ambit “I went to Doctor McCo: els cared the pain. es. I eat and sleep as well as I ever did. DOCTOR McCOY'S MONOGRAPH ON DISEASES OF THE SKIN CAN BE OBTAINED BY SENDING AN APPLICATION THROUGH THE MAIL. 1T IS INTENDED ONLY FOR THOSE WHO ARE Ar- FLICTED WITH SOME FORM OF SKIN DISEASE. lof weight resting on DR. McCOY CURING SERIOUS BRONCHITIS. W. A. Ulle, 641 Maryland ave. s.w., conductor Pennsylvania railroad: “About five years ago I had a severe attack of Bronchitis, I bad pains in my bead and chest and at times it was almost Impossible for me to breathe. 1 lad cough- ing fits. 1 steadily lost in weigut. “I was hawking and spitting all the time. ‘There was a Painfal Tightness Across My Chest. My appetite was poor, and sometimes I would go for days without being able to eat hardly any- thing. “My throat would become parched, making it @ificult to swallow. I was in a very serious con- dition when I read of some of the Remarkable Cures by Dr. McCoy in Washington in cases similar to mine. I believed that if be could cure others he might at Jeast help me. He bas not only helped me, but about cared me. The treatment bas had a wonderful effect. ‘The pains in my head have gone and I seldom feel thé tight pains across my chest. My heac te clear, and my appetite is always good now. It could vot be better.” CURED OF ECZEMA IN ITS WORST FORM. J. W. Ewing, Clerk Auditor's Office of the Treasury Zor the Post Office I “Small, dry, scaly vores, running together, which graductly incveased im size, formin my body, was diaznosed by physiciyns in its worst form. I suffered all the agonie it secmed to me, that ¢ cowd. Burning sersations began in my feet and formed a circult, inersing my body. “My hands, feet and ankles were swollen and ful. I could not bear the touch of clothing. cians failed to relieve my pain. I tried every available remedy, without ces. ‘When Doctor McCoy instituted a ne in W: markable A a sed with nd I went to his offic« er a week's application I fe I was relieved from th: . Webster, ‘Twn tifirs to Doctor } skill in curing Deafn DOCTOR McCOY CURING BRONCHIAL ASTHMA, A. Dent, 112: rearly three years I enffered trom and asthmatic trouble. I was subject to intense parox- There was a choking of the tubes and shortness of breath, and oc pains back of the bre B st. “For onchitts, bone, Medivines seened to have no effect. There was a hawkin; = and discharge of mucus. Then there w: ness t and dryness in my throat. I could y breathe at times, had asthma. “I lost thirty pounds in welzht. feeble, not being able to get upstairs wit exertion, “Having heard of Dor skill, in the t mt trouble, I gouzht bis aid. ‘The treatment has proved ss Physicians told me I or MeCoy’s remarkable mat isfa y besond expectations, I do not have the pains across the chest, as before. I have gained in desh and weight, My vigor and strength are returuing, and J am bet- ter in every way. THE ONLY TREATMENT AND CURE FOR CATARRH, A. S. Johnson, 1240 9th St. N.W well-known heating and ventilating cont A course of treatinent at Doctor Me said: “For 15 years I was a sufferer from catarrh, ate fecting my head, chroat, bronchial tubes and stomach, “I could not digest my food property. have violent attacks-of belching, cause the stomach, After eating there was a sensation my stomach. I tried all known retrdics and succeeded only In Sniing relief for a few hours. Having learned someting of Doce tor MeCoy’s ski In the treatment of catarrhat, ronchial and stomach troubles to him, The treatment has benefited T do not have every the prope my boy with him for treatment, a ommended it to several frlends of afilicted in a similar way. MeCOY SYSTEM OF MEDICINE, 715 13th Street Northwest. Dr. J. Cresap McCoy, Dr. J. M. Cowden, Consulting Physicians. Office Hours, 9 to 12 a.m., 1 to 5 p. to S p.m.,daily. Sunday, 10 a. COPIES OF DOCTIR MeCOr CATARRH WILL BE MAT TO THOSE DI CURE OF CATA the actor, after s offices, I would by gas on for catarrh, T have place have also re wine who are iG to4p.m MONOr AVPLA INTERESTED IN THB The Joke on the Jokers, From the Philadelphia Record. Tricks played upon bridal parties don’t always turn out as the jokers intend them to. In the bagyage room at the Hotel Han- over $s an old trunk, gaily decorated with white ribbons, old shoes, bags of rice and other articles supposed to be emblematic of the marriage rites. The trunk bears a tag, on wiich is written the names of the bride and groom, but it has never been claimed. The supposition is that the trunk is merely a dummy. The bride and groom evidently sent their own baggage away and left the old trunk as a decoy, and the jokers have had the tables turned on them. A Wonderfully Small Horse. From the Rural World. Ohio lays claim to having the smallest horse in the world, being now two years old and only thirteen Inckes high. It was | born on the farm’ of Israel.Hunton, in Or- ange county, Ohio, and is regarded as one of the most remarkable freaks of the world. While now about two years eld, this interesting bit of horseflesh is only thirteen inches high, and is undoubtedly the smallest equine specimen on earth. Dot, as the midget is called, has a remark- able history, for, vnlike other dwarfs of her race, she was the product of an ances- try of ordinary, every-day horses. Thoughtless. From the Flicgende Blatte in a restaurant)—Nothing surpasses rub- ber shoes—even in bad weather the feet keep dry. The temples of India are to be lighted with electricity, the example having been set by the great shrine of Siva, at Kochi- caddie, near Mutwal, in Ceylon, and is to be speedily followec by the equally vast and ancient foundation of the Natukotta, in the same island. In no long time others will adopt th improvement, till all the holy place the peninsula’ are so equipped that by pr a betton they can be instantly illom® like a modern hotel or theater. The innovation Is enoug to make Siva and Vishnu, and e great Grahma himself, gasp and sta (At home)—Thunder, how did I get my ‘eet wet today