Evening Star Newspaper, February 8, 1896, Page 14

THE. EVENING STAR; SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 1896-TWENTY-FOUR PAGES. The other evening a trio of Congressmen gat among the audience at the Ice Palace, watching the skaters. They were evident- ly old chums, as they slapped one another on the back and used only their first In front of them were two forlorn iduals struggling with the initial movements of skating, failing and sprawl- ing ali over the ice. Suddenly one of the Congressmen burst into a hearty laugh and inquired of the one farthest from him: “Tom, do you remember the time I taught you to skate?” “Yes, and I guess I'll never forget it.” Of course the third M. C. wanted to know the joke and it was narrated by the first speaker. “You see, I used to be one of the best skaters in my neighborhood, and Tom kept nagging at me day after day to take him to the pond amd teach him. My brother had an oll pair of skates, and I took them and filed the edges perfectly round. I gave them to Tom and we started for the ice, he under the mpression that the more like a sled runner the blade of the skate was the better he could glide along. Poor fel- low. Tom put on the skates and I gav him a shove. Well, sir, he no sooner struck the ice than his feet shot up and he came down with a bump that sounded like a cannon shot. He got up and bravely struck out again, but only to get a harder fall. This perfurmance he repeated until he had struck about every square inch on that All tne time I sat on the bank roa with laughter. Finally, Tom fell down idle of the pond ‘almost helpiess, max, fell off the bark and broke through the ice. Tom fished me out and turred the laugh on me. I had to with him by taking off his skates. We returned home, he covered with bruises, I covered with mud and icicles, but each enjoying the joke on the other. There is one young man In this city who possesses a truly patriotic soul. He is often complimented on his neat appearance and one of veaknesses is neckties. ‘The other day t Into a leading furnisher’s to lay in a supply. After his desire was made known, the clerk arranged many boxes en the case to display the stcck. “tere is semething in the latest French des'gus,” the clerk said politely. The face of the purchaser assumed a dis- satisfied expression and he turned to some- thing more domestic looking. “Here we have the newest “I don’t like that either. ‘om London.” Again that shadow of disgust flitte] over the young man’s coui! . and again Kk, thinkin he tastes of more boxes demanded brought out sev customer ocratic, s ig the best Scotch goods on the t, und these are some more Engtisa novelties waich—" “Oh, —— your English goods. Give me something ted, white and blue, with an American eagle on top.” He shocked the clerk, but got what he wanted. x ee & * Miss Ab-ent-Minded recently rented one of her rcoms to a well-known physician, and agreed to answer the telephone in the absence of the doctor or the servants. ‘This was an agreeable duty, and was cheer- fully performed until she was awakened one morning, early and still quite dark, by what seemed to be the familiar call. ‘Then she rebelled and refused to get up out of a warm bed and go down two flight of stairs a cold morning for any doctor or any telephone. But her conscience troubled ker. She did not hear anyone respond to the call, and the thought forced itself into ber mind that perhaps some very sick person needed a physician's care. She tried to persuade herself that perhaps it wasn’t the telephone, after all, but only un imagina- tion of hers. Still, she wasn't quite satis- fied, and resolved to do differently if the occurrence were ever repeated. The oppor- tunity came sooner than sho expccted. Early next mornirg, when it was Just as dark and just as cold as before, there sounded the whirr of the bell. Reluctantly she arose to respond, and hastened to the first floor to answer “Hello.” ‘There was no response. Her repeated efforts to extort a message from the other end of the wire were unavailing, so, hanging up the re- ceiver, she trudged back upstairs thorough- ly disgusted. And to this feeling were add- ed those of anger, and wrath, and all the others in the category when it dawned upon her that the alarm clock in the servant's room had been faithful to its trust of awakening the boss of the household. kk eK x They had been talking about various sub- jects, when the conversation turned to funerals. “The fimniest funeral I ever at- tended,” she sald, never heeding the shock- ed look the other gave her, “was cne at which the girls of the household seemed im- pressed with the idea that they ought to make loud protestations of their grief, so that they continually interrupted the ser- vice with their laments and hysterical sob- bing. One kindly-disposed soul who wished to impart some ray of comfort to the be- reaved, leaned over te them, aad in a whis- per which could be heard over the whole room, said: ‘Never mind; you can go out to the cemetery as often as you like.’” xe Ke * In one of the government departments there are six male clerks, who work in the same room, five of whom have overcoats so much alike that a great deal of confusion has resulted therefrom, so much so, in fact, that recently three of the five have provided themselves with private coatracks, leaving the main coatrack to the remaining two, in order to avoid these unpleasant mis- takes. After this change, everything went along very smoothly until the other day a mistake occurred, which caused more trou- ble than all the past oaes put together, and which, for a time, created no little amount of domestic unpleasantness. One of the two clerks who used the mala coatrack re- cefved a note from his wife the other day to the effect that she would do a little shop- ping that day, and to save her trouble and annoyance, requested the husband to take dinner with her at an eating house uptown. After reading the note the gentleman went to the rack and placed the nove in the in- side pocket of an overcoat which he sup- posed was his own—but it happened to be the “other fellow’s.” Nothing more was thought of the matter. On the following morningsthe wife of the clerk in whose pocket the note had been placed by mis- take discovered it in her husoand's pocket, and of course trouble followed, both sir- names being the same and the signature to the note bearing only the first name. en her husband came down to breakfast the wife asked, indignantly: “How did you en- joy that little dinner uptown yesterdzy, dearest.” “What are you talking about?” replied the husband, a little nettled. “Oh, I expected you to deny all knowl- edge of it, but I have the note, which I ery justifies my suspicions,” retorted the wife. After looking at the note, the husband tried to explain the matter of how he thought it came fm his pocket, and told her all the funny things that had happened, owing to the similarity of the co: of the men in his office, but even that failed to pacify the indignant lady, and a trip to his office was the only thing that convinced her of her husband's innocence. There are now coatracks for each and every man in that office. : xk Kk & A friend of mine told me of an experience he hud that. was most peculiar. He is a Iwmberman and was formerly engaged in business at Stillwater, Minn. A freshet oc- curring, hig office building was swept away end with it 2 wooden box containing a num- | ber of valuable papers. He advertised for their return, cffering a considerable reward, but in vain. A few months later he went to Donaldsonville, La., making his headquar- ters there while he inspected the cypress forests west of that place. The river came | up suddenly one night and the water sur- rounded his house, keeping him prisoner. When, at the expiration of a few days, the river subsided, among the debris in front ef the house was the box that had been lost in Minnesota. It had been lined with metal and this fact kept the contents intact. When opened, nothing had been very seriously damaged by the water. * * kK * * An attorney from Springfield, TIl., was at the Capitol the other day, and the subject of sensitiveness about age came up. “The most remarkable instance of that,” he said, “was a man—not a women—and a very able man mentally, too. Judge Sydney Breese, fer many years one of the justices of the supreme court of Illinois, died at a very ad- vanced age, but no one ever knew how old he was. Upon one occasion the judges of the supreme court of Iowa visited the Ili- nois supreme court. Judge Wright of Iowa was at that time very old, and he had gone west from Ohio, the state of Judge Breese’s rativity. At the banquet table Judge ‘Wright said to the venerable Ilinols jurist: “Judge, we must be about the same age. We left Ohio in the same year. We have served on the bench an equal length of time. I wonder how n-uch further the coincidence extends. I would not be surprised if we were born during the same year. If not an impertinence, I would ask how old you are? I am seventy-eight.’ “Judge Breese arose from the table, his face livid with anger, and saying, fiercely, ‘I would consider it the height of imper! nenee, sir,’ left the room and would not a pear again when Judge Wright was pres- } ent.” ee Kk . Politeness end gratitude are both rare in this world, but I heard a true story, ilus- trating both. Wm. E. Bridgeman of Low- ell, Mass., a wealthy banker, lately deceased, was well knewn in Washington, where many friends still sincerely mourn his death. Five years ago he went to the Pacific coast. On the same train was Michael Foley of Los Angeles, who depended upon his labor ror daily bread. During the journey Mr. Bridge- man was taken il], and Foley nursed him as though he had been his son. No pay was asked or given. A few months later Mr. Bridgeman returned east and sent a gold watch to Foley. A year ago he died, and in his will was found a bequest to Foley of $5,000. It was hard to find the man who had been kind to the old gentleman, but about a week ago he was located and the money paid to him. It reads like a romance, but every word is true. ene “It is remarkable what an important part the kodak plays in maritime transactions, as well as others, these days,’ observed Capt. Tanvers, an old whaler, to a Star man “You may not know it, but no big ship ever leaves port now without a kodak and a supply of photographic ma- terials. This is especially the case of whalers.and other ships. who go out on long cruises. The day of listening to yarns of whalers has passed. Today the whaler must show the photograph for everything. “As a whale is worth from three to five thousand dollars, and as it costs from twen- ty-five thousand to seventy-five thousand dollars to send out and maintain a whaler and her crew for her catch, yarns, interest- ing as they may be, are not regarded by tne men who furnish the money for the enter- prise as a sufficient remuneration. Theywant the facts, or photo of them, if they lost the facts—nothing else will do. It won’t do any more for a party to go off on a loafing cruise ard return in nine or ten months, empty, after having eaten up several car loads of provisions and ran up the wage bill into the higher thousands. “Every place the ship touches has to be photographed, and a photographic tran- script has to be shown of every important incident of the cruise. ‘The whale is rather a particular bird these days, and you have to go away up into. the arctics to even get a sight of him. As he becomes scare he becomes tricky, and he gives all who are after him a race for their.money. There are any number of substitutes for whale- tone, but somehow the demand for the bone still continues. It brings all the way from $1.75 to $ per pound. The modern whaler cares little or nothing for whale oil. The cheaper mineral oils, petroleums, etc., supply the demand for lubricants, so that there is no money in whale ofl and it is gathered only as an incident of a cruise.” ——— SPEAKERS AND GAVELS. A Great Many Are Presented to the Presiding House Officer. “Ordinaril; remarked an old official at the Capitol, “‘a Speaker will have presented to him about a half dozen gavels during a session. Thes2 presentation gavels are too fancy for general use. They are, as a rule, made of handsome woods and are bound in silver or gold clasps with all kinds of or- name#tation. Some are made of wood that has served its use in famocs war vessels, as in the cne most recently re- ceived by Speaker Reed, of timber that was use !n construction of the Blaine residence in Maine. “Some of them intrinsically are very val- uable and others are of more value even by historical associations. These gavels are generally used on the day they are re- ceived by the Speakcr, and after that they go to the wife of the Speaker. Mrs. Reed has a fine collection of them, the greater portion of which were given Mr. Reed when he was Speaker of a former House. He has received four or five this session so far, the California one being the hand- somest and most valuable on account of its silver and gold ornamentations. “J saw Mrs. Cox of New York recently. She has a collection of goods that were presented to her husband when he was Speaker, and she says she thinks of pre- senting them to one of the public museums in New York. Mrs. Blaine has at least twenty in her collection, and Mrs. Ran- dall comes next with fourteen. Mr. Col- fax had the goods given him handsomely framed and he regarded the collection as the most interesting feature his house. But for ordinary use, as I said before, the presentation gavel js not in it. For plain all-around work a gavel like that Speaker Reed uses now is the proper thing.” es Sure to Be a Likeness. From the Chicago Record. “There's a photograph of Grumpers in the window back here.” “Excellen “Well, I knew he wouldn't look pleas- ant, even for a photographer. A Neighborly Spirit. From Life. “Mamma, can & invite Freddy Sanborn ever to slide down our cellar door?” “Won't you enjoy it just as much alone?” “No, there are too many splinters in it now.” P IN HOTEL CORRIDORS “The business of fresh water pearl fish- ing in the United States is growing,” sald R. L. Allerton, a leading jeweler of Chicago, at the Shoretam. “The first pearls of com- mercial value found were, I think, in the Miami river, in Ohio. The next, in the Clinch river of Tennessee. But wherever they were discovered, it is a fant-that there are now very few states that at least a few of them are not found in. As a rule, they are not altogether pure or of the most valu- able size or color, but they are beautiful gems nevertheless, and find a ready market. One man on the Miami river has been espe- cially successful, and one of the less for- tunate hunters of that section told me a most interesting though improbable story of how he succeeds in finding so many. It is a disputed point as to whether pearls are caused by disease or the result of injury in: flicted by foreign substances introduced in- to the shell. ‘The story goes that this man has found out just what causes pearls,plants a bed of clams, inoculates each one, and then raises pearls. It 1s certain that he finds more than any one else can.”” “T have just returned from a trip through the south,” said A. P. Haines of Cincinnati at the Ebbitt. “Among other towns I visit- ed was Elizabethton, where the Co-Opera- tive Town Company is having trouble wind- ing up its affairs, Elizabethton is the county seat of Carter county, and at the edge of the famous Cranberry magnetic iron ore beds. It is beautifully situated on the Watauga river, and is the oldest town in Tennessee, it being in existence when the state of Franklin was organized. It seems to have every natural advantage as a town site, but the fates appear to be agdtnet it. The south as a whole seems to be recove from the effects of the financial depression, but the boom towns are not. I saw one man cultivating a tract of ten acres on which there were a number of electric light poles. He formerly owned a thousand acres there, but sold it to a land company, took stock in the company, selected ten acres in lots, and these are all he owns now. There are a good many towns where every house is vacant, but the country is, nevertheless, prosperous, and the people are hapeful of even better times.”" “I am told that the shad will come up the Potomac in a few days,” said P. R. Turn- ley of Ogdensburg, N. Y., at the Riggs. “The shad are not accompanied by the shad flies as they are on the St. Lawrence. Shad season up there brings with it a host of flies of a peculiar species, universally known as ‘shad files.’ No one who has never seen this swarm of insects would be- lieve it, if I described the number that come. They only last a few days, but dur- ing that time they make themselves a very great nuisance. 1 have seen them so thick In the air that they appeared like a snow storm, and boys stood inside hotel doors to brush them cff the guests. They do not bite or sting, and are only annoying be- cause they come in such great numbers and stick so closely to the clothing of all persons who venture on the streets while they are there. Business is as seriously interrupted as it would be by a heavy storm, and the top of the river is covered with them. The shad devour the flies by thousands and fatten on them.” “I see that there have been some exten- sive white marble quarries discovered in Celorado,” said Geo. E. White of Rutland, Vt., at the Metropolitan. “At least such an item 1s going the rounds of the newspa- pers. I have been connected with the mar- ble business for thirty years, during which time marble has been discovered in almost every state, and I have gone to inspect a great deal of it, in a good many localities. It is a singular fact that while there is plenty of good building marble and good stone for furniture tops in several different states, yet there has never been any fowud except in a very limited section of Ver- mont and Massachusetts that is suitable for monumental purposes. There is always something the matter with the marble dis- covered elsewhere, and it is fortunate that what is being quarried in New England is seemingly inexhaustible. “By the time a heavy stone is shipped across the continent it makes it cost a good deal of money, but Vermont and Massachu- setts furnish practically all of the monu- mental marble used in the United States that is not imported, and less is imported each succeeding year.” “{ was amused at the answer I received to a question on a Chicago and Alton rail- road train,” said E. P. Chapman of Peoria at the Howard House. “At Bloomington two men entered the train and took a seat immediately in front of me. I did not see them come in and paid no attention to them until one of the men went into the smoking car. It then occurred to me that I wanted to know something about Bloom ington as a business point, so, leaning for- ward, I commenced a conversatio “‘T see you got on at Blomington. How fs it as a business point?” “ ‘Fairly good.’ “Were you In business there? eee ‘What line? “ ‘Making money.’ ““Are you going to Chicago?” ‘No, Iam moving to Joliet. It is not so good a point for me as Bloomington, but T had a chance to take a steady contract there for five years, and I took it. There 1s too much uncertainty in the money mak- ing business.” “Then I noticed that he was handcuffed to the seat. He had told me the exact truth—he was going to Joliet penitentiary five years for counterfeiting.” Some of the colored laborers in Louisiana are not more than half civilized,” said R. C. Flanders of New Orleans at the Cochran. “During slavery times it was the custom to sell insubordinate slaves to the sugar planters, unti! Louisiana became a sort of penal colony. It is remakable how well the colored people have come out of a state of such degradation, but back on the sugar plantations can still be found men who are but little removed from _ beasts. Near Franklin, on the line of the Southern Pa- cific railroad, is an old man they call ‘Uncle Ben,’ who has the hardest head in the state, and he furnishes amusement to the class who delight, in sanguinary con- tests. I saw him, much to my disgust, as I had no idea what I was invited to wit- ness, fight a large and strong billy goat. The goat and the man rushed at each other head first, coming together so hard that the sound could be heard for a great distance. Both were staggered, but they butted each other again and again, until finally the skull of the goat was crushed and ‘Uncle Ben’ was rewarded with a _ collection, amounting to less than $3, with which he proceeded.to get drunk. When he sobered up, his head was no longer sore, and he was ready for another fight.” “One of the most amusing sights I ever witnessed was near Beatrice, Nebraska,” said B. T. Barnes of Omaha at Willard’s. “There are a few Otoe Indians near Be- atrice, their reservation being down the Plue river a short distance. A New York man has a twelve-year-old son. who has become addicted to novel reading, and the boy ran away from home two or three times in order to fight Indians. The father found that whipping did ne good, and concluded to send the boy to an uncle who lived in Beatrice, which he did, together with a letter, asking the uncle to vise some means for so thoroughly frightening the boy that he would never want to fight In- dians again. The uncle concocted a plan, He had some friends in the Otoe tribe, and he arranged with them to attack a party that would come down the river next day, go through the war dances, give war whoops, and fire blank cartridges. The boy was invited to go fishing, the uncle remark- ing that they might find some hostile In- dians, and had better go armed. The lad was delighted, and a party of half a dozen, including me, started down the river. Suddenly we were attacked from ambush by the Indian braves. We returned their fire, and with blood-curdling whoops they started for us. We started and ran, leav- ing our boat tied to @ tree. All of us re- treated except the boy. He stood on the ‘bank of the river. He had discarded the empty Flobert rifie we had supplied him with, and taking a revolver he was not krown to have out of his pocket, he was The first shot an old IN A NEWSPAPER fa” OFFICE Ty ~4y ” HEEXCHANGE] “If time is money,” said an ecenpmical 2 A[;editor was musing. | woman in the gallery the other Oay, “why st For at jeast five min-|does that reading clerk ‘mister’ every 3° SW ates he had been sit- | member when he calls the roll? Would it Pl ¢ing motionless on the | hurt their official dignity to be called plain Scsawhorse, which he ‘Smith’ or ‘Jones,’ especially as they fail to \u-preferred to a chair, | ®nswer to their names half the thme any- 4 staring into vacancy. how? Why do they call the roll @ second |.time? Why do they not call it as they do ‘The other members |"in the Senate, and then let the members of the staff were all| who want to play during roll call ask té be turning eut copy with | Teccrded; or left out in the cold?” And the fy the degree of activity | an she was questioning smiled grimly, ‘that usually marked | 270 Said: “‘Ask me something easy. Er vathe first working hour | One of the “gentlemen from Colorado” 3: i of the day, before the | understands symphony in color. His hair reporters started owt on their regular as- | is Titian red, with a bit of carmine added, signments. IE gD and his tie matches it. The click of the typewriters was inter- rupted by an ejaculation from the uptown department man, who had noticed the con- dition of the exchange editor. “Gosh de swish,” he sald, making use of his favorite expressicn. “Falsglen’s in a trance.” “Come back, eld man; come back,” added the court reporter, snapping his fingers, and thus admonished, the person addressed turned around with a smile. ° “Sorry I disturbed you, gentlemen,” he explained, “but a.. paragraph I just ran across in a Denver paper recalled a highly exciting experience I once enjoyed, and which I had almost forgotten. Was turn- ing it over in my mind when our friend spoke. The affair was a real adventure, such as novelists imagine. If you have the time and inclination I'll try to describe the incident for your benefit.” sepllrad cellision?” inquired the court reporter. ll bet it's a ghost yarn,” spoke up the administration end of the force, with a sigh of weariness, “No, it isn’t either,’ knowingly declared the congressional man, removing his eyes from the girl in the window across the street, at whom he had, through force of habit, been gazing. “There's no railroad smash-up or ghost in this, I'll wager. Two to one he thinks we have forgotten that rightmare he used to spring repeatedly a coupte of years ago about the whale.” “What, you don’t recall it?” said the speaker, in response to an inquiry. “Well, it went something like this, as near as I can remember: “Falsglen, you know, used to have his abode somewhere out in the-northwest, in higan, or perhaps it was Minnesota. ‘ay, it was near one of the great lakes; Michigan, I am quite sure. In those days he was doing sporting work for his paper, and on one occasion was assigned to accom- pany a party of prominent men on a cruise of a fortnight around the lake in search of game and fish. According to his story— story is a genteel way of saying lie, you know—the party found what it was looking for, especially fish, and big fish at that. In telling this romance, as I recall it, Falsglen would put in a lot of gush about the big bears, boa constrictors and the like that he captured on the islands of the lake, but I'll drop that and come to the feature of the trip at once. “The party had been out four days, I think, when this truly remarkable incident materialized. It was midnight, the full moon of autumn was flooding all creation with its silvery light, th ere was a dead calm, the little yes- sel was -motionipss, all were aslep in their bunks, no gown4 was heard save the soft tread of ;the lookout man, and ai that sort of thins when suddenly every- body aboard was awakened by a ter \rific jar. For a mo- ment consternation prevailed, but when the fears were somewhat 4liuyed efforts were made to discover the nature of the trouble. “A theory that the vessel had run aground was dispelled by the lookout man, who expressed himself as willing to take oath that not a breath-of air was stirring ard that the vessel wag-absolutely moticn- less at the time the sMockowsas felt. After a few moments a vibgation‘oecurred, fol lcwed by a fearful tRrashing of the wa’ HEARD AT THE CAPITOL **_* * During pension night in the House a week ago, Gen. Curtis of New York brought in e bill to give a persion of $8 a month to @ poor widow up in New York. The bill was made the target for all the wit and sarcasm that the objectors could muster, and it was only by the skin of his teeth, so to speak, that Gen. Curtis got the bill past the breakers piled up in front of it, and got it favorably recommended for ‘passage. Saturday morning a_ yellow message was laid on the desk of °Gen. Curtis. It con- tained but a few words: ‘Susan Wright died last night.” It is only one case in many. * kk “This place is exclusively for ladies who wish to see members of Congress,” said an obliging guide, pointing to the corner in Statuary Hall. “Ah, indeed!” said the Bightseer. “Quite a pleasant arrangement. Think T’ll try it myself.” And he calmly lighted a cigar and took up @ position on one of the sofas. Ok Ok Speaker Reed is up to date on the pro- nunciation cf Arkansas. The prudest purist couldn’t object to the inimitable manner in which he refers to the gentleman from “Arkansaw.” xk OK The cloak room doors ought to be screened cff from view of the galleries, unless’ the members want to make themselves the butt of a good many jokes, Tuesday a member whose dome of thovght is iike unte polished alabaster was busied for nearly half an hour trying to get the few wisps of long hair brushed up from the side to cover at least a little of the expanse of bare scalp. He had a tiny pocket mirror, and he viewed himself from all sides, as well as front, and his face express great anxiety. He got it fixed to Caesar's taste at last, and the expression on his face was almost angelic as he came out and joined in the fight against the charities of the District. * Ok Col. Blue of Kansas has been suffering many rheumatic twinges in his wounded leg and foot, and Thesday had to succumb to exhaustion, and stretched himself out on one of the covches on the republican side. A visiting constituent leaned over the gallery coping, and seeing the grizzled veteran, remarked to his friend that “Dick” must be pretty bad off. Just then the blind chaplain came along, and was placed in a seat at Col. Blue’s side, where he engaged in an earnest con- versation with him. Pretiy soon the con- stituent leaned over again. One look suf- ficed. ‘Good heavens!” he exclaimed, must be awful bad; they have sent for the chaplain. I must go and inquire for him,” and off he rushed. * Oe Johnson of California has tied his love to a pink carnation, and never is seen {without it. Not many of the members | wear flowers. Mr. Pickler sometimes ap- | pecrs with a small rose, and Mr. Quigg has a fondress for violets. Mr. Richardson of Tennessee scmetimes wears a carnation or a rosebud, and Mr. McMillin quite often supports a handsome boutonniere, but gen- erally speaking, few flowers are worn. Not that the members are averse to flowers, Tut cdd as it may seem, very few men on the ficor are without decorations of some order. Those wearing the G. A. R. er Loyal Legion button, or the confederate lutton—and there are many of each—do rot care to cover them up with flowers, ard they are worn in the lapel where the flower would have to go. No man would think of weering his rose on the right lorel. A guide and a party “or sightseers were ster ding on the west terrace of the Capitol one day this week, and the Man of Infor- mation wes pointing out the objects of in- terest. “What are those queer-looking stone things out there?’ asked a fair mem- ber of the party. “They look like wind- mill tanks.” “Oh, there is where the air vsed in the Capitol is manufac- if rapil that it took away the breath of many of those on board. I beHeve Falsglen main-7 tained that the breath of but few were i covered, although life preservérs were thrown out without delay. : “Now boys,” continued the congressional man, “would you believe it of him? Fals- glen had the nerve-to declare ihat a whale was shoving that schooner. Just think of a whale in Lake Michigan. Yes, he would relate with much seriousness that an ex- amination shewed that an adult sperm whale had run against the stern of the schooner, head on. The collision was marked with such force that his whaleship preceeded one-third of his Jength into the hull and became fastened there. “Well, to make a long and vivid story short, it soon became apparent that the schooner was leaking badly, but all fear of danger from that source was quickly dis- pelled, for the captive proved equal to the emergency. AS soon as the leakage as- sumed sufficient depth, Mr. Whale set his plow-holes in operation, and when, after an aperture had been cut through the deck, two streams of water constantly ascended, thus keeping the hold clear. “If my memory serves me right the party indulged in a shower bath daily, and, all in all, rath enjoyed being push about the hithert: unexplored _portio of the lake. Final) after a week or tw: the vessel really a run aground, th+ force tending t spread apart the tim bers and thereby s°* free the whale, wh: without bidding for ie mal farewell dashed off never to be seen:cr heard of again. Of course the echooner was a wreck, but after a series of more or less perilous happenings the party regained civilization, none the worse for the outing.” An intense silence followed the recital. The court reporter rested his head on his hands as though in pain, and the adminis- tration man hestily sought the water cooler. The silence was broken by Falsglen, who had not stirred from his original postare. “With the elimination of about 75 per cent of exaggeration,” he remarked dryly, “Ill admit there is some truth in the incident so ably related by our friend from ‘he Capitol. The experience I referred to a while ago is, however, of an entirely dif- ferent pattern and was an actual reality. If necessary I could secure affidavits in support of every detail. “I don’t think I'éould stand another like that just noj,” said the general .assign- ment man, Teaching his hat and = the ee : “Excuse me, please,” remarked the police reporter with emphasis, also depart- is considered very unhealthy, so at great e>pense the government has had construct- ed a machine for manufacturing air. It is gathered in those stone tanks, and then passes through purifiers into the Capitol, where it is distributed.” “How nice!” ex- claimed the fair member of the party, and the Man of Information smiled benignly. * OK OK Two small girls who seem to know a great deal were standing on the steps of the east front of the Capitol discussing the points of view, when one, who was evi- dently a stranger and a guest of the other, said: “What is under that box out there?” pointing to the wooden jacket over the statue of Washington. “That's ‘Hoodoo’s’ statue of Washington,” was the quick re- ply. “You see, it is done in the altogether, ard they cover it up when Congress is in session!” * * They were standing close by one of the tcok cases up at the library. He was thin ard studious-looking, and she was buxom and brainless, but evidently bent on im- pressing her escort. “How do you like ‘People We Pass?” he asked as he turned over the leaves of & book of stories of life among the masses of New York city. “Well, you know,” she began, “I really @en’t pay much attention to them unless I see @ real handsome dress, or some man more distingvished than another. I expect I am rather heedless,” she added, hur- riedly, as she saw a tired look come into his face. Then he picked up another book. “I am extremely fond of ‘Beauties of Rus- kin,’ aren't you?” “Indeed I am,” she re- plied heartily, feeling that she was at last on safe ground. “But I don’t know yet which I most admire—his eyes or his hair!” And then he said, “Let’s go.” —_—_»—— Am Astronomer. From London Punch. Mrs. S.—“By the way, I hear Jupiter—the Evening Star—is worth seeing just now. Can either of you girls tell me where to look for it?” Bertha—“Yes; I can. It’s exactly two See aes ae mee ae tne erent ear.” Mrs. 8.—“Two yards and a half! What on earth do you mean?’ Bertha—‘Well, I’ve measured it carefully with my umbrella.’ tee Fate of the Hero. ing. 2 ; From the Newport Mercury. The cthersos* no time in an effort to] ‘Twitterly (to Snitterly, reading nove)— breathe the “freshi!air of out doors, and, | « h finding himsat mfius an audience, the ex. | “ANd What becomes of the hero?” Snitterly—‘“I don’t know his final fate, but duties. | on page 205 it looks as if the heroine had change editof resumed his offic! — him treed.” Hurt His Business. thks ” Snitterly—“Yes; the author ctates that SE Be ‘at er glance “he stood rooted to the ——___+e+_____~ Might Have Known. From the Detroit Free Press, Young Wife—“Hubby, dear, do you love me better than your pipe?” Young Husband—‘‘What a foolish ques- tion to ask, dear.” Young Wife (sadly)—“Yes; I might have known without asking.” ——__-+ee______ His Way of Putting It. Brom the Chicngo Record, _ “Is there one fountain pen better than another?” ‘Well, no; I should say, however, that there are a good many fountain pens worse than others.” ————_+e+_______ On His Life, From Trath. é . 5 ‘She—“If you had never met me, would you have loved some other girl as much as ‘you do me?” We~My darling, if I had never met I believe I should have cemmitted suici: “Say, boss, haven't you an old overcoat you an give a feller?” mes ALKALI IKE AND HIS TOWN “Don’t know whether I enjoy it or not,” replied Alkal! Ike, in response to the query of the-guileless tourist, who was rapidly ac- evmulating €n interesting mass of misin- formation which he “‘ttende® incorporating in a lengthy manuscript to be read upon his return to Massachusetts before the Back Bay Society for the Dissemination of Use- less Knowledge. “Hain’t never tasted it. I don’t go much on these yere fancy French drinks, anyhow; most of ’em is a heap too weak an’ pindlin’ for a grown man.” “Pardon me, but golf is not a beverage,” said the tourist, politely. “It is a game.” “H'm! Say it is? I reckon that’s a hoss cn me,” answered Isaac, magnanimously. “Aw, wal, a man can’t be expected to know everything. Golf? Believe I've read suthin’ about it; it’s that thar walk-around whurin the players rig up like circus clowns an’ go peroozin’ across the scenery, chasin’ a little ball with a crooked stick. Eh-yah! I hain’t rever indulged in no golf; I hain’t that kind of a man!” “But, my dear str, it is a great favorite in the east—the reigning fad, in fact.” ‘I hain’t seein’ no pungent reason why it shouldn’t be; them people in the east shore indulges in some mighty quaint an’ fantastic freaks in the name of sport. I’m sanguine it’s due to the way they are raised, or meb- by it is in the air. They gits relaxation out of pursooin’ of a frenzied bag of aniseed across the face of nature, or playin’ long tennyson or hurlin’ little sacks of beans at each other. But out yere in the west we hain’t that badly dried out yet. ‘Course we have cur relaxations, but we don’t indulge in no homypathic frivolities. When we play ary game, you bet your neck it is a man’s game! The nearest thing to this yere golf doin's that we mingle in is what you might call the merry pastime of progressive tar en’ fedtherin’.” “Tar and feathering!” exclaimed the tour- ist, in astonishment. “Why, my dear fel- low, I never heard of that—er—ceremony keing regarded as a pastime. It is, in re- ality, a punishment, is it not, and a painful one 2t that?” “Depends a heap upon the position you cecupy in the game,” returned the veracious narrator, cheerfully. “If you are one of the parties of the second part, an’ not closely related to the party of the first part, you most generally feel that it is indeed good to be thar. But if you happen to be the party of the first part you are liable to en tertain symptoms that are radically differ- ent. I've had the pleasure of officiatin’ in both capacities, an’ I speak by the card. “One time, goin’ on three or four years ago, down in the Panhandle country, I be- comes so popular with my feller men that they whirl in an’ present me with a robe cf tar, buttoned on with a swipin’ brush and trimmed with hen hair, an’ triumphantly escorts me out of the settlement on the top side of a saw-edged rail. Aw, wal, thar wasn't no speshul features worth recallin’ about this yere exodus, except that I got eorter shot up by a near-sighted eastern sportsman who mistook me for a cass: wary, or suthin’ of the kind, an’ afterward fell out of a tall tree into the midst of a Sunday school picnic who wee eatin’ their picnic dinner below. Some of ‘em "peared to mistake me for the devil, an’ others didn’t, an’ I made my escape while the superinten- dent an’ the little boys were revivin’ the members of the young ladies’ Bible class, who had very properly swooned. It didn’t amount to much, after all, but it was fully a year afterwerd before I laughed about it. “Takin’ all the tar an’ featherin’s that I ever mingled in I never knowed but one whurin the party of the first part got much good out of it, except in the way of an ob- ject lesson. ‘This yere man I'm recallin’ *peared to glory in his shame, as they say in stories. I forgit what we decorated him for, speshul; mebby it was simply burcuz the regular’ tar-an'-featherin’ day had come round—which was every third Saturday, weather permittin’—an’ thar was nobody handy who was more deservin’. It don’t matter now, anyhow. His name was Hoon, an’ so we warmed up the tar. “We didn’t feather this yere man, literally speakin’, bercuz Mizzus Lopdick, the genial and accommodatin’ landlady of the Cos- mopolitan Hotel, announced that business was business, an’ she wasn’t goln’ to denude ro more piller ticks for to array gents who weren't guests of the hotel. Accordin’, we rips up an old buffalo robe, an’ it hain't so bad a substitute for hen hair as you might think. “Wal, Mr. Hoon is decorated all accordin’ to Hoyle, Col. Handy Polk gits off a few well-chosen remarks, and the party of the first part defuncts in a southwesterly di- rection, kickin’ the scenery behind him at the rate of about forty miles an hour. “Some time next day, as he is amblin’ along, he meets up with an Italian with a hand organ cinched on his hump. This yere furriner don’t speak much English, but he makes himse!f clearly understood by hoppin’ out of a gully and knockin’ the tarred gent down with a club. They exchange compli- metits, pow-wow for @ spell an’ put up a scheme for conquerin’ the world. The Ron.an had been bereaved of his dancin’ bear a few days before, an’ he orgynizes what you call a copodnership with the tarred man to act as the late lamented bruin’s suc- cesssor. “Also he done it. The Roman warmed his feller conspirator up before a bonfire, graft- ed patches of jack rabbit fur on the places we had neglected to cover, an’ had an ele- gant bear that hain’t never been duplicated in the history of the world. The tarred man was plenty docile an’ cunnin’, an’ after a few lessons he danced a hirangaho to the inspirin’ strains of the organ that made the Roman throw up his hands in admiration. “Wal, durin’ the next two weeks or 80 them conspirators drifted around from one settlement to another, creatin’ a furor whur- ever they appeared an’ simply coined mon- ey, speshully from tourists from the east, who wasn’t intimately acquainted with bears nohow an’ admired this yere one ex- ceedingly for his accomplishments. I reck- on, likely as not, the copodnership would have been existin’ yet if the man-bear hadn't got purse proud with prosperity an’ become too high toned for bis business. “He insisted upon havin’ a tail, an’ he wanted it to be a long one. The Roman took 2 day off and reasoned with him, sayin’ that since the foundation of the world thar hain’t never been no bears with tails. The man-bear swore he didn’t give awhoop for precedent; this yere present Annie Dom- merni was the age of progress, by jing, an’ he'd have a tall or he wouldn't dance anoth- er lick. He knowed his rights, an’ would stard up for ‘em to the bitter end, let the chips fall whur they happened to. No tail, no bear! “An’ so they parted, the Roman losin’ his tear, but retainin’ his self-respect, an’ the terred man goin’ on the hunt of a tail. His record is plenty brief after that. He gits his tail, but only finds himself a mock an’ a laughin’ stock. He can’t git along suc- cessful without his business manager, an’ goes to ruin prompt an’ unanimous, drag- gin’ his tail behind him. “An’ thus he passes off from the map an’ is gone like a puff of smoke. An’ that is the last I ever hears of the haughty man-bear.” - ——>—__ A JUSTICE’S SILK GOWN. A Member of the Supreme Court De- cided a Disputed Point. Tt is reported that one of the justices of the United States Supreme Court recently decided a case on sight, and without hear- irg or réading a word of evidence or law bearing on it. This would scem surprising without a qualification went with the state- ment. It came about in this way: In a par- lor gathering a young lady remarked that she had just finished, with the aid of a lady relative, a silk gown for her uncle, who is one of the leading bishops of the Episcopal Church. To this a reply was made, by another, that she had only re- cently seen a gown that was made for a judge of the supreme court of Ohio. She added that all the gowns recently donned by the Ohio supreme court were made in this city by the lady who has made so many for the justices of the United States Supreme Court. “But,” insisted the first talker, “you know 1 judge’s gown is by no means as extensive an affair as that of a bishop, though just now I forget exactly hcw many yards of silk it took to make the gown.” The other replied that she was satisfied that there was more silk in a judge's gown. At this moment the portly form of a justi of the Supreme Court appeared on the scene, and one of the ladies appealed to him to decide the case. In a good-natured way he answered that he ulways hesitated be- fore considering a case which involved in any manner the question of church and state, unless it was presented to him in the ‘most formal way, but that he would go so far as to decide one branch of the proposi- IN LOCAL STUDIOS Mr. E. H. Miller has been recently divid- ing his attention between 2 number of por- traits and a water color of children watch- ing @ train. He expects to"hold an exhibi- tion later in the season, where many of the water colors made last season in the Cats- kills and at Manchester-by-the-Sea will be brought to light. * z x * Edward Siebert will send to the Cosmos Club the portrait on which he is now at work if it be finished in time; failing of this, he will exhibit In its place some of his broadly handled out-door studies. _* © The statue of Pere Marquette, which the state of Wisconsin obtained permission to place in Statuary Hall, is being cut in Italy, and is expected here before long. Some time ago Congress passed the necessary resolution granting Pere Marquette a place in Statuary Hall, for though each state is allowed by law to place two statues of eminent citizens in the Capitol, Pere Mar- quette, ewhile closely connected with the history of Wisconsin, was a French sub- ject. ‘A statue of the late Senator Kenna will before long be placed in the Capitol by the state of West Virginia. x * The full-length portrait of Senator .Voor- hees, which Mr. E. F. Andrews has just finished, will be exhibited in the Corceran Gallery for a short time until a place is ready for it in the new Congressional Li- brary, where it is destined to hang. Sena- tor Voorhees is shown standing in an easy attitude at the head of the Senate steps, with the new Library building, which he so zealously championed, rising in the background. Mr. Andrews has completed the portrait of Senator Blackburn, and that of Dr. William B. Bodine, painted for Kenyon College, Ohio, of which Dr. Bodine was formerly president. He is now at work on @ strong Rembrandtesque portrait of Mrs. Charies Klotz. Mrs. Andrews has been occupied with portraits of Mrs. Phil. Kearney and Duncan McKim, apd has been doing some still life work in water color. * * * The Corcoran Art School has been quite crowded during the winter, and the stu- dents are working industriously. A still life class in oil was started about a month ago, under Miss Cook's able direction, and has been satisfying a long standing need. ™ * Miss Katherine Chipman has just re- turned from a pleasant sojourn in Provi- dence, where she found a very strong in- terest in art. During her stay there she painted portraits of a number of people, among whom ere Miss Roseta Rhodes and the son of Col. 8. P. Colt, both well known to Washingtonians. ee Miss Alice Archer Sewall has sent to the exhibitisn of the New York Architectural League a pastel design for a spandril, rep- resenting Tragedy as a leaning female fic- ure supported by children. The frieze of cherubs shown at the Cosmos last year has also been sent. Miss Sewall has recently moved her studio from 19th street to N street, Georgetown. * ad Mr. L. 8S. Brumidi is now bust cn a por trait of Miss Nona Coleman, which, even at an early stage of the work, gives prom- ise of the freshness and delicacy of coior- ing which characterize his portrait work. Miss Bertha Perrie has sent several charming water colors to the exhibit of the American Water Color Society, which opens in New York this week, and plans to be represented here at the Cosmos Club by subjects in both water color and oil. * * * * Messrs. Walter Keene and George Par. son are now installed in one of the Barbie zon studios, where they are working along their individual lines. ™ = * Mrs. Frank G. Doubleday has been work ing on a number of flower studies and still life subjects, in which she is very success- ful in giving a iook of solid reality by a careful mode:ing of form and close imita- tion of color. “* “The Kindergartea,” the most recent work from Emil H. Meyer's brush, is one of those German interiors in which Mr. Meyer is most fortunate, but, though pleas- ing in color, it falls far short in interest of such a picture as his “Critical School Re- port,” with which many are familiar. =~ ** Lucien W. Powell is planning to hold an exhibition a little later on, and to this end is busy with a number of street scen nd landscapes. He will show many pictures taken near Paxon during the summer, also Venetian scenes, for which studies were made while abroad. Mr. Powell is thinking of sending to the Cosmos exhibition a large water color of a Bavarian cowherd hurrying his cattle home before the storm, which a. driving clouds betoken, bursts upon im. pas HE WAS HAPPY. Bat His Joy Could Not Be Expressed in Mere Words. “She is mine,” murmured Algernon Rose leaf Vincent. “She is mine.” A balmy zephyr softly sighed outside; the sparkling lights shone brilliantly o’er- head—that was what they were there for. The whole world seemed saturated with pure joy. He drew her closer to him, and his eyes gazed lovingly on her's. “‘My queen.” He did not speak aloud, but he was filled with such ecstatic bliss that the spheres in their courses seemed to sing “*! Queen.” But Algernon—ah, sordid soul—loved her not for her looks alone. For though she was indeed a welcome sight, the thought that she would bring him wealth caused in him this rejoicing. She would capture the pot, containing $1.37 and two beer checks. He already had two queens and a pair of aces and she filled his hand. Peace. And neither wins.—St. Paul's.