Evening Star Newspaper, January 18, 1896, Page 14

Over the neads of the Representatives in the House cre stained glass representations | of the coats of arms of the various states. ‘Through them comes the light by which they labor. The architect who designed the skylight evidently did not know to what extent the states would multiply, for hhe didnot make adequate provision for the heraldic bearings of those additions to the Wnion which are to come before the lapse of many years. There are tut forty-five of these spaces, and all but one of them ate now occupied. That is in the north- east corner and will soon be appropriated by Utah. Where Arizona, New Mexico, Oklahoma and others, if any, are to place their emblems is a question which wil foubtless give some one an opportunity to display his inventive faculties. * 4.2 £1¢ ‘There was a bright silver dollar lying at the foot of a tree box on the avenue. How it came there is a question that has not ‘deen solved. Hew many persons passed it by is also an unanswered question. At length, however, a stout Congressman on his way to the Capitol caught its sheen. Perhaps he is a silver man; at any rate he started toward the coin, but without has- zening his steps. He probably thought that he could secure the treasure without any loss of dignity, and so desired not to ap- pear in haste. He had reached the edge of the bricks and was about to bend over to complete his purpose, when an urchin, who had been attracted by the stout Congress- man’s digression from the path of travel, darted under his nose, grabbed the ‘‘cart- wheel” and held it aloft with a triumphant shout. The stout Congressman evidently felt that he had put his dignity in peril to no purpose, and that he was indignant could be easily read on his inflamed coun- tenance. : x * * * The prospective husband of a fair Treas- ury Department clerk.teJJs a story on his imtended bride that has caused consider- able amusement among those who know them. w ‘The young weman has some near relatives living in Baltimore, and, although separated by this comparatiyely short distance, the visits to her relatives are few and far be- tween. Many months have elapsed since her former visit, but her approaching mar- riage being near at hand, she, in company with her fiance, went to call on one of her sisters there to apprise her of her matri- monia! intentions and incidentally to intro- duce her intended husband, whom her folks had never seen. It seems the young lady has also a much older married sister living in the suburbs f West Baltimore, and they decided to make their last call there. They stayed but a very few minutes, however, as they wish- ed to get back before night. Just as they were leaving the doorstep the young woman inquired as to the health and whereabouts of her two nephews, who were Gxerlooked in the hasty conversation on the ide. ‘How is Willis?” she asked of her sister. “Oh, quite well, thank you. he has just had Bis pay raised and is a good boy.” “And Dick, how is he—what is he doing lie ts un i “He ts still in the penitentiary, and quite well, indeed?” iS st = That was enough for the young woman, far although she did not know what either ef them did, her sister evidently supposed it had been mentioned, in their correspondence. Their leave taking was hasty in the ex- treme. The young woman turned all the colors of the rainbow and almost choked with emo- vfon and embarrassment. The lovers walked several blocks on the way to the station and not a word passed between them, and the lady, so the story goes, cried on the way home over her evi- dent embarrassment, and the young man’s words of cheer and consolation failed to corsole her. Upon reaching home the young woman im- frediately wrote to her sister, telli: her awful embarrassment and reproving her for mentioning such unpleasant things in the presence of her iniendeit husband. The Baltimore sister lost no time in responding | and informed her sister that although Dick was in the penitentiary, she did not mean to convey the idea that he was a convict, but, rather, that he was an employe of one of the large Baltimore firms who contract for the output of the Maryland penitentiary ‘workshops, and that Dick is among tke number who look after the firm’s interests at the penitentiary. a a A bachelor whose Bohemian repasts are quite celebrated was giving a little supper, , Which had Seen arranged solely‘ for the purpose of exploiting his-skill as a salad maker, and ‘n the course of the repast his special dish was served, after a great deal of preliminary mixing of condiments, for the benefit of his admiring guests. All tasted it, and pronounced it superfine, and, flushed with success, mine host turned to | a Frenchman present, remarking: “Your nation is so celebrated for its culi- nary skill that I would like your judgment on my salad.” 3 “Eh, bien,” replied the son of Gaul, “It would be parfait, with a little of the vin- aigre, a little of the salt,-a little of the | pepper and a little of the oil.” “In short,” said the crestfallen chef, with pardonable irritation, “you don’t think it worth a cent.” Fae ee It is barely possible that the unspeakable ‘Turk may have carried protection ideas to the nighest degree of perfection, and that by conniving at the persecutions of the Armenians he may desire to raise the tarift on the rugs for which this portion of his -dominions are noted. Talking with a Tur- kish importer a few days since, he said that if the wholesale slaughter of Arme- nian Christians continues, it will have a decided influence on the production of the particular weaves that are fancied by con- noisseurs. These peasants devote in some instances their entire life to the perfect production of some special piece of weav- ing, and have acquired the art in its great- est excellence, designs and schemes of col- oring being handed down from father to son through successive generations. The merchant went on to say that the persecution is fiercest where the rugs are finest, and that already there has been a falling off in the production and export of fine articles, the consequence of this being an advance in price. So, it may be that the sultan has decided to protect his in- . dustries according to his own ideas, and by the application of protective principles to his domains give the world an object lesson. + 2s + Ee oe Te & saw the Popular Man at a tea this week, ard, oh, what a good time he was having! And, incidentally, he contributed to the good feeling of others; hence, his popularity. He did not walk in and, after a few perfunctory words to the hostess vas to his never going to “this sort of a thi befcre, don’t you know; made @ special exception in your favor,” and all that, stand around with a bored expression ef count nee, mentally calculating how soon he could escape. Q the revers He assured madame that he felt specially honored at being in- vited to a woman's function, and, on being told that he must make the most of his unifies, he proceeded to do so. Not tant in the room but received a his attention, and the girl who sat over by the chocolate tray and was more or less overlooked in the scramble for punch, had a cozy chat of a full quarter of an hour, which brightened her up for the rest of the afternoon. With what dis- crimination he steered the buds toward the frappe, the passe damsels toward the punch and fed the dowagers on ices; then ‘with what delight he greeted another stray man like himself, and proceeded to initiate him into the mysteries of tea-lore, till at = her of | last, when he took his departure, a sigh of regret followed him ‘and the accom- | panying wish that more men liked teas. x kK eR There are strained relations between two erstwhile friendly households of Washing- ton. Wife No. 1 complained to wife No. 2 that she could not manage her husband, no matter how much she called his atten- tion to his short-comings. “Maybe,” said No. 1, “you make your rebukes too much in public. Now, my sys- tem is never to say a word of fault-finding to my husband till we are alone, and when I lock the door at night I relieve my mind of its woes on his head.” A few nights afterward, wife No. 1 had @ grievance against her better haif, and, ac- cording to custom, she turred the key in their bed room door before making her ex- postulatory remarks. To her surprise, as she turned toward the culprit, she was greeted with the remark: “I know I'm in for it now, for you have locked the door.” The traitorous No. 2 had told her hus- band of her friend's diplomacy and he, man-like, had opened the eyes of his fel- low-sinner and smashed the ruse of years. Now wives 1 and 2 shake hands high in the air when they meet. a Many visitng lad‘es complain of the “‘bold- ness” cr impoliteness of Washington men, and say they have never seen their equals anywhere. “I have never seen such insolent fellows,” said a lady a few days ago in talk- -ing to three companions. “You cannot walk on the streets without being stared in the face like you were a menager’e. The ma- Jerity of the men are not guilty of this there are too many of them to be comfort- able. It is a wonder to me that some of them do‘net get badly hurt some time. A gentleman escort is no protection at times. Very young men, with dudish tendencies, are the offenders in most instances. They may not mean harm, but there are many cities where such conduct, so openly shown, would not be tolerated. I cannot account for it here,” she declared, as she proceeded to tell her companions of cases where she felt like fighting. a That the small boy appreciates good na- | ture was proved to my etttire satisfaction upon the occasion of our only visit from “the beautiful” this winter. On my way down town that morning I noticed, a short distance ahead, a little woman in a blue mackintosh, who was most carefully and covered sidewalk. So intent was she upon endeavoring not to take a seat before she could do so in the ordinary and strictly conservative way, she failed to notice that we were nearing the corner of 10th and H streets, where a lot of boys were putting the walk in a condition to do more damage in a minute than a banana skin would ac- complish in a week. Miss Mackintosh was in the midst of the boys before she took in | the situation. She looked up in time to see one lad nudge another and skate directly for her. She stood still, and, as she evi- dently expected, went down with the boy. There was -uproarious laughter from the lads, in which Miss M. joined heartily, yhile she sat quite contentedly straighten- img her hat. That accomplished, she said, ding her hands to the two who had her downfall: : Well, boys, that wasn’t bad, after all. Now, you must help me up, because we want to play fair. Besides, I'm in the way, and spoiling your fun.” * The boys quickly put her upon her feet. Then there was a scramble among them for the honor of picking vp her umbrella and several small packages which had been dropped during the fall. Receiving her belongings, she thanked them, and, with a smiling “good-bye, boys,” went her way. As I passed on I heard the youngster who knocked her down say, as he turned to look after his victim: “Well! ain't she a bird? I t’ou’t she'd git mad. See?” e+e * & Up in the northern section of the city there is a certain household, the most im- portant member of which is a bright little, fair-haired, three-year-old chap, whose art- less but pointed utterances form the sub- jects for many laughs and much neighbor- hood gossip. A short lime since the grand- mother of the family had a severe attack of the grip, which resulted in a complete pros- tration of the vocal organs, and in the hear- ing of the little fellow it was said that she had lost her voice. That night, as he was being prepared for bed, he took his place | at his mother’s knee, and after dutifuliy | repeating the regulation “Now I lay me down to sleep,” concluded his devotions with “And oh! Lord, please help grandma to find her voice weir ‘cause if you don’t she'll blame me or ee KK It was heard at the corner of 20th street ard Pensylvania avenue while the writer | was waiting for a grip car. The actors in this exhibition of the philosophy of the streets were two ragged colored boys, neith- | er of whom could have been more than tén | years of age, and a common, ordinary, pointed to as a shining example of con- tentment. The dog was hitched up in the usual boyish fashion to a wagon made of an old soap box with regulation solid wood- | en wheels, while its master was following cloge behind, busily engaged in transferring from 2 paper bag to his mouth small round ginger cakes in an alarmingly rapid man- ner. A cake had been given to the dog, and was still to be seen projecting from be- tween his tightly clenched teeth. One had was trudging along the sidewalk, and upon him it had proven not only an appetizer, but a tantalizer as well, judging by the earnest manner in which he was pleading for h‘s | friend te “Gimme ‘nother one.”” The generosity of the owner of the cakes had reached its limit, however, and his patience, too, for, pointing to the dog in a tone of withering contempt, he said: “No, I won't. Stop botherin’ me. Look at dat dawg; he’s cuntent with one cake, and I think you ought to be, too.” # ek * & Since the closing of the race tracks across the river I have noticed lounging arcund the Capitol a man whom L recog- nized as the former owner of a string of horses at the Virginia tracks, and who I supposed was quite well-to-do; indeed, I have known him to risk several hundred dollars in one day during, the racing at St. Asaph some months ago. His appearance at the Capitol this week indicated anything but prosperity. He is a constituent of one of the most prominent men in the upper branch of Congress, and they have had several brief talks in the gallery recently. The man left for home last evening, and, being ac- quainted with the Senator, I asked about lim, remarking that his looks were in de- cided contrast to the man I had seen sev- eral months ago. The Senator says that he really had to assist the man to get home; that he did not have five dollars to his name. I was also informed that three years ago this same man was a well-to-do commission merchant in New York. He had a weak- ness for racing, however, and became the ovner of a formidable string at the big tracks. He eventually went broke, how- ever, and drifted to the “outlaw” tracks, since which time he has continued to go down hill, until now he hasn’t got a dol- lar. * * * * Two bicycle girls were riding on the grip of a 14th street car the other evening. After they had discussed some interesting exper!- ences on the wheel they turned their atten- tion to matters educational. “If I am to be a school teacher: id one, “I suppose I will have to keep informed on public events.” “Well, I'm going to be a typewriter,” said the other, “and I don’t see as I need bother about whet is going on.now. You don’t want to use current events now, and what is the use of your bothering your head about ‘THE EVENING STAR, SATUKDAY, JANUARY 18, 1896-TWENTY-FOUR PAGES. i sce specie of insult,” the lady continued, “‘but | every-day dog, which was, however, to be; aiso been bestowed on the second boy, who | peal ‘You can read up when you waht to ow.” “Bug” persisted the first speaker, “it will be harder to learn then tham mow, 80 I may as well keep up with what is going on. Here's this Venezuelan question, and the Cuban question, and the Armenian question, and the Transvaal question, and I don’t know how mauy more. I'suppose I may as well learn what it is all about now, and I will have it atl when I want it.” ‘The ne® woman is keeping up to the time, it seems. x eK KK A western newspaper man, chatting about some interesting beats that occurred under his observation in days gone by, related 6ne imstance which recalls the class of beats scored on account of having only one wire, and how the man first getting it held it un- til it was too late for his rivals. Different men had téld about filing a newspaper, the Bible or anything else that would keep the wire until-they wére ready to send their matter, and then keeping the wire until the Papers went to press. The western man’s stcry was a little out of the ordinary. It ; Was during a celebrated trial of Judge Page in Minnesota. He had been impeached, and he got into a muss with the Pioneer Press, and there was an important trial at some little’ out-of-the-way town, about eleven miles from a telegraph station. Of course, it was impossible for an afternoon paper to do anything about it, and, as. the stage car- ried the mail to the town, where there was a single wire and one operator, the rivalry between the three men repgesenting two yaa dead and one Minneapolis paper was in- After their stories were written, and the driver was about to start, the men began to work on him, and money was used quite freely. Ed. Henderson was sent down by the Minneapolis Tribune, and he was some- thing of a schemer in his way. He let the driver alone, but he drew up a very strong document, ‘setting forth that he was the representative of the Tribune, and that, as such, ne was entitled to have the report for his paper filed and sent in advance of any other telegraphic service. This he took to a Justice of the peace and swore to, with a strong oath, which was administered and set forth by the justice. It was also duly witnessed, and he pasted a large golden seal = the document to give it full legal splen- jor. When he handed the package to the driver it was tied with a red ribbon, and upon the outside it was addressed to the eperator, and stated that it was from the justice of the peace of the town where the trial took place. His scheme worked nice- ly. The men who had liberally bribed the stage driver felt that they had scored a great hit, as they saw that Henderson had paid no money. It was the next afternoon that the papers were received. The Tribune had five columns of stuff giving a graphic story of the trial. The Pioneer Press had @ quarter of a column double leaded, giving the beginning of the trial, and the Globe had nothing. It was a black eye for the Pioneer Press, as the Page trial was some- thing they had worked up for months. KOK OK An ex-Congressman, who now practices law here, when asked the other day why he abardoned politics gave a very peculjar and interesting reason. He said: “I quit politics because I found that I was not cut precisely picking her steps over the white- | Ut for that profession. My name is Robert, but I never yet heafd myself referred to as “Bob.” It was always “Judge” or “Mr.” No man ever. achieves a real success in politics who has not that pequliar touch with the people that prompts them to refer to him by a nickname or in some familiar way. ‘Webster was always “Black Dan.” Logan, “Black Jack.” Jackson was “Old Hickor; ndy.” Lincoln was “Abe” or “Uncle Abe.” It is not a question of dignity. There is no more dignified man than ex-President Harrison, and yet no one speaks of him by his title. He is always referred to as “Ben.” I went through my district after serving one term in Congress, and I could find no evidence that any one had ever dubbed me “Bob.” Could I have been called “Bob,” I might have been gov- ernor of my state, but we never had a governor without a nickname, ard I knew I could not hope to break the record.” ze eu & & * “I never had but one perfect house girl,” said the wife-of a western Congressman to me the other day. “We were then living in Omaha. A very modest, pretty young woman came to the house and asked me for work, saying she was willing to do anything. I secured the treasure at once, and. she was far svperior to what she recommended herself ta be. It seemed that there was nothing about houfekeeping she did not know, and there was never any company received in the kitchen, she had no acquaintances. She gave her address, a iittle sown in Iowa, and used to describe the place and her friends there. One day she asked permission to pay a short visit to her old home, and arrangements were made for her to go. She cleaned the house from cellar to garret before the day for her departure, and taiked about when she came back and her plans for the coming winter. The night arrived that was to be the last, she would leave on a very early train, and we bade her good-bye when she went to bed. The next morning, after the fires were bullt, we discovered that every dollar in money, every piece of silver, ail the Jewelry and, in fact, pretty much every- thing portable was gone. My husband went to telegraph to the place the girl gave as the small town where she lived, and there was not a post office or railroad station of that name in the United States. We have never been able to obtain the slightest clue to where the model servant went or what disposition she made of our effects.” Ok Ok Ok OF There is a resident of this city the his- tory of whose early life was, until recent years, wrapped in mystery. The first real- ly known about him was when, in a west- ern state, he tramped into town a. ragged bey of ten years, blacked boots for awhile, then became office boy in a law office, studied law when so poor that his dinners invariabl¥ consisted of crackers and water. His first case was given him as a joke. Tke lawyers had all been bothered by a crank with one of the old stale claims that lawyers avoid, and after it had been refused by every attorney at the bar they secured it for the young law student. He walked forty miles to find evidence, by rare luck stumbled upon just what he wanted, won the law suit and with it a fee that started him nicely from a financial standpoint. Then he went into politics. ob- tained a good appointment in Washington, and at the expiration of his term of office never returned to the town where he had practiced. I learned why a few days ago. One day an old man staggered into the office and wanted assistance. He told a pitiful story, and something revived child- hood recollections in the listener. A few questions and he became convinced that the bloated tramp was his own father, and gradually he learned his own life story. When five years old his father was sent to the penitentiary, his mother died soon afterward, and he became a charge upon a very poor family, who sent him out to beg for them. The old man is now well previded for, but the son will never go back to the scene of his early troubles and subsequent triumphs. : “Where is Mr. Jones’?—you know the vil- ag “Oh yes, sur; I’ve lived ’eer man an’ boy well nigh eighty yeer. Oh, yes; I knows the village. I knows it well. No one can’t know it better nor me. Why, I was born ’eer, mum, and man an’ boy I've lived ‘eer well nigh——" (And so on for twenty minutes, after which it appears he does not know Mr. Jones’.)—St. Paul's. SEEN AT “THE CAPITOL tet Among the sigh{seers up at the Capitol the other day. wese five small ‘“dagos.” ‘Whether they were traveling or just going somewhere, The Star writer is not inform- ed. They were iteps, from a twelve- year-old girl to ong of about five The old- est girl could talk,United States like a pro- fessor m English aiterature who had also graduated among ‘béotblacks. The smaller | ones couldn’t talk ¥nglish a little bit, but the way they turned] themselves loose on dago would have been a pointer for John- son of California!? "hey came trooping in all out of breath, about 4 o'clock, just as ‘The Star reporteg was leaving the Capitol, and without ceremony’ said: “Say, where is this here dome you talk so much about?” The Star reporter, feeling that all she lacked was a badge and some misinforma- tion, to make a perfect guide, turned back and piloted the girls over under the dome. Arrived in the door, the oldest one planted herself with her hands on her hips and her head thrown back, and the smaller ones huddled about her with looks of awe- stricken wonder as she took in the dimen- sions of the place. “Hungh!” said the leader at last. “This ain't much; you just oughter git onto some of our old buildings.” “And where might they be?” asked The Star reporter, as the little ones found their tongues and began to chatter. “In Rome,” was the nonchalant answer, as the small daughter of Italy began to walk around. “This ain't nuthin’ to St. Peter's. My! If you want to see some- thing scrumptious, you just wanter skin ever an’ take a squint at the paintin’s and carvin’s there.” And then she turned in and gave an enumeration of some of the old masters that she had personally ex- amined. She talked of Angelo and Rubens and Rembrandt as though they had been her personal friends, and talked of the Vatican and the pope as though they had exchanged morning papers and bt = coffee over the back-yard fence. ese kids.ain’t seen much,” she sald, top-lofti- cally, as they seemed to be admiring the pictures. The Star reporter suggested that they take a look at the Senate and House, but the daughter of a dago declined. “I've seen lots of things as fine ag them, I reckon,” she said, as she glanced reflect- ively at the bronze doors. “We ain't got much time to waste, anyhow.” “Where are you going?” was the natural question that followed. “Back to New York,” she replied, as she rounded her brood up. “We're just gettin’ back from Atlenta. Our pas and mas air orgin grinders, and us kids see the sights while they air at work,” and, with a shower of tharks anda tinkle of merry laughter, the five faded away toward the Senate side, and the small miss {s probably telling some one in Philadelphia today how she visited the Capitol. * ek eR A prominent member of ‘the Senate from the far,north was showing 2 party. of la- dies into the elevator Wednesday evening, after sitting in the gallery for a few mo- ments. “Who is that man who is prancing around on the democratic side, and calling everybody names?” asked one of the ladies. “I couldn't see anything to get mad at.” ‘Oh,” said the Senator, “that is nothing; he is our Texas steer!” The Star writer went on an investigating tour, and found Mills of Texas makirg a speech on silver, in which he attacked most everybody in sigh, and a great many who were not. eke & If men are going:‘to wear Mother Hub- bards, they ougit’ 'to'have enough regard for the eternal fitness of things to have them made long.,engugh. There are the Supreme Court justices, for instance. Their gowns are of all shapes and sizes. Some of them come to the Jes and some above. Some are wide enough to do a skirt dance in—at least, that of Chief Justice Fuller j was Tuesday, when the air in the corridor filled it and neatly biew the soft, silken folds over his head. The only justice who has had any eye, ace is Mr. Justice White. His ampie form is ideally robed in a Mother Hubbata tHat has a demi-train, the only one on the bench. It hangs a little short in front, ‘but, taking it alto- gether, it is quite correct. x A Xx Mr. Barrett of Boston seems to be a Stu- dent of the fashions, He appeared one day this, week in gray, trausers bia :k coat,;rol- den vest, seal/brown tle, and a brown study. He seems to always b2 in a brown study. This three-piece and three-color fasnion of dressing is quite the proper caper for men, so that Mr. Barrett can’t be impeached for the giddiness of his attire. rt It certainly is a pity that with spittoons staring one in the face evry ien steps any- where about the Capitol, that the handsome marble floors and steps must be defiled by unc’ean mea who deposit saliva everywhere. Mr. Speaker Reed ought to take a hand there, and order every man off the reserva- ticn who walks und a spitioon rather than “use it, and who spits in corners aud behind the stataes. He has been able to absolutely prohibit smoking in the hall of the House, and he could overcome the uther if he set. his mind to it. SE If a poll of the disappoinced applicants for office under the Fifty-fourtn Congress could be taken the number would surprise even the most pessiinistic. They remain around the city, haunting the corridors of the Capitol, pouncing on the members from their respective siates from corners and se- clude? nooks, no longer able to get audience with them in the proper way, and form a dismal contingent of the sightseers under the dome. Hoping against hope, they hang on, until manhood itself is gone and the ap- plicant for honors abroad comes in very truth to be glad if he is given the opportuni- ty to mop the marble floors of the Capitol with sawdust. It would be a mercy to their constituents if members of Congress were to announce kindly, but firmly, in the very beginning of their service that while they were willing to do what they could: for ail those deserving their aid, that the first man or woman of them who set foot on District of Columb‘a soil would forfeit all chance of aid in any direction. - + 8 kee x “Exclusively for ladies” is the legend on the wall of the narrow strip of statuary hall where women are suposed to wait the move- ments of tardy members, put the ladies have to climb over an assorted lot of men, as a general thing, to get there, if they do not find the seats pre-empted by some men who evidently can’t read ‘print. The polite at- tendant is heeded no more than if he were not there. * + + * “I want a pension,” wrote a constituent to Col. Blue of Kansas. “I was mortally wounded at Shiloh, my colonel was killed, and my captain shot through the heart in the same:charge, and I alone survive.” And that is a sample of thousands of pen- sion letters. The distinctions in the Eng- lsh language are slight, sometimes, 5 Pt a ae An amusing scene occurred just in front of the door of the House leading to the main corridor of the Capitol the other day. A member of the faneign affaira commit- tee of the House sentee .young man over to the Senate chambér té obtain from a Sen- ator a bottle of intneal water, of which the Senator spoke very highly and desired the Congressman to sample. The young mat obtained a bottle, and after having the ¢ork ldosened in the House restaurant, so‘that {t. could be easily ex- tracted, placed it in fils large side pocket and proceeded ups’ to the member’s room. On the way, lowever, he met sev- eral young lady uamntances and stopped for a-short tete-a-tete, The conversatidh was evidently an en- joyable one, it being ‘functuated with fre- quent hearty laughs. 1 During all this, time, however, the gas charged water was gradually working out the loose cork. The young man made a few more ges- tures and suddenly the cork flew out and sounded like the report of a large pop-gun through the big corridors, causing an un- usual noise, while the water flew in every direction. . ‘The young ladies, as well as numerous on-lookers, were almost convujsive with laughter, and the young man withdrew to get a dry coat. «eek & Since the House passed a rule against smoking in the hall before or during the sessions many amusing incidents have oc- curred. The inveterate smokers have for- gottep the rule many times, and frequently find an attendant reminding them of the violation. Some of the smokers do not pay much Yention to the rule, and have to be several times reminded before they will throw away what they consider the best part of the cigar. xk ke Senator Bacon of Georgia is one public offctal who will never allow himself to be interviewed. He talks pleasantly and court- eously to newspaper men who approach him for an interview, but firmly informs them that he never talks for publication. He wili not be quoted on any subject, and would not talk on “the weather” if he thought it was for publication. ——_-_— IN THE SWIM. Mr. and Mrs. Cross-Rhodes Have a Discussion on Social Points. “Mr. Cros3-Rhodes,” said Mrs. Cross- Rhodes severely, “I wish you would under- stand that the society of Washington is quite different from that of Settingsun- ville.’ ‘Well, Maria,” began Mr. Cross-Rhodes. “Don’t call me Maria,” ske exclaimed. “You know well enough that my name is Marie.” ‘ “Excuse me, Mari—I mean Marree, but it didn’t use. to be.” : “That has nothing to do with the case,” she said with much empressment. “Perhaps not with the case,” replied Mr. Cross-Rhodes, essaying a dash into so- ciety wit, “but it has with the works.” “That’s one of your horrid puns, Joel,” she cried angrily. “and I won't listen to it” “Don’t call me Joel,” he chuckled. know my name is JosepheL” This attempt restored her to herself. “It is very strange, Mr. Cross-Rhodes,” she said haughtily, “that a person in your position doesn’t try to conform to his environments.” ‘ “I do try, Marree, but you can’t learn old dogs new tricks.” “Nor grammar,” she said sarcastically. “That's all right, Maria,” and Mr. Cross- Bhodes stuck to the Maria, for her tone ni ‘im. “I should think,” she went on, “that if you had sense enough to make all the money you have and to live in a fine house in Washington you would have wit enough to suit yourself to your circumstances.” “You just objected to my wit,” he re- torted. “It’s a very good society average, too, for I've been Hstening to some of it and I know what I am talking about.” “I presume you consider those horrid stories that Congressmen tell to be the only genuinely interesting and brilliant conversation to be found at the capital. Joel laughed deep down within himself. “You ought to hear some of them, Mar- ree,” he began with a good, honest laugh of appreciation, when one look at her face stopped him.. “Mr. Cross-Rhodes,” she said indignantly. “J didn’t mean that; Marree, my dear,” he apologized. “Only, you know, some of them ‘are daisy-coolers.” “I have no desire, Mr. Cross-Rhodes, to dwell on that subject nor to hear your slang. I'm sure if you kept out of that circle and tried to harmonize yourself with society,” it would be greatly to your ad- vantage. “and to society’s, Marree,” he bowed; “but as I said before, my Settingsunville manners don’t somehow seem to fit. can’t say cawn’t, don’t you know, and I can’t say eyether, either. So what am I to do about it?” She was not appeased by this frank ad- mission. “You might keep your mouth shut and people wouldn't know you were a fool,” she remarked. x “Oh, yes, they would. I gave myself away there when I let you coax me into coming here. But you will admit, Marree,”’ he said, with a brightening face, “that I can shake hands quite in the haw-fate manner. I learned that shaking hands with our neighbors back home over a stake- and-ridered fence.” Mr. Cross-Rhodes laughed at this sally, but Mrs. Cross-Rhodes frowned. “Everything that is good form you think should be ridiculed, Mr. Cross-Rhodes, she said, “and you want to introduce your cornfield manners into our best circles. “Aw, now, Maria,” he begged mockingly, “T don’t want to do that, and you know I don’t. If I did, Maria, I'd get a hoe and weed out a few people I know of.” “There you go again,” she expostulated. “What difference to you Is it if you don’t admire certain people? They are good form and are rich, and that’s twice as many accomplishments as you have.” Joel Cross-Rhodes jingled the dollars in his pockets und grinned. “Joel and Marier combined has ‘em both, though,” he said in the fashion of his youth, and laughed in his natural voice. Mrs. Cross-Rhodes put up her hands as if to shut out some dreadful sight and sound. “Don't worry about me, Marree,;” he went on encouragingly, “I'll get the manners of a diplomat after while.” She shuddered. “Don’t say diplomat,” she entreated. “Why not?" and he looked his surprise. “Ain't their manners good?” “They are polished gentlemen, Mr. Cross- Rhodes, but they are not ‘diplomats’ as you call them, but diplomahs.” Mr. Cross-Rhodes got up wearily, gazed sympathetically at his wife and moved to- ward the door. > | _“Diplomahs is good, very good, Marree,” he said, “and I stand pah on that deal. I see our neighbor’s tomcah sitting on the door mah and I guess I'll get my hah and go out and commune with him for awhile. Then I'll go on a bah till I won't know where I am ah. Tit for tah, Marree,” he went on as he noted her frown, “and in conclusion, let me say regarding your pro- nunciation, ‘Rahs,’ or as they say it in Settingsunville, and with this anathema hurled at his devoted wife, Mr. Cross-Rhodes left his home and started for a hotel where the gang was wont to con- gregate. “You eee IT CAME TRUE. He Did Not Believe in Omens, With One Exception, “Dot makes me no difference,” said the German driver of a beer wagon, whose at- tention had been jokingly called to the fact that he had but thirteen barrels of beer on his wagon, and thirteen was an unlucky number. “I don’t believe in dot thirteen peezness, anyhow; nor dot Friday peezness.” “Not superstitious, hey?” laughed The Star man. “I don’t know vot you mean by subersti- tion,” replied the German. “But dot thir- teen and Friday peezness is all nonsense. I used to think it vos nonsense to believe that somebody died when a dog howled, but dot has been broved true, so I believe it now.” “Ever see any real proof of it?” asked The Star writer. “Well, I bet you. One night last week I went home and went to bed, and in the mid- dle of the night a@dog in the alley com- menced howling. My wife stuck her elbow in my side— “ ‘Hans, you hear dot dog how!?” “TI said: ‘Yes, I hear dot dog howl.” “‘ ‘Well, somebody is going to die.’ “I told her dot was all blamed nonsense. ‘Don’t wake me up again—let me sleeb.” “Pretty soon she woke me up some more. ‘Dot dog is howling again, Hans; and I bet you somebody will die.’ “Den I rolled rm and told her: ‘I bet somebody will die if you don’t stop waking me up some more,’ and she let me sleep ’till morning ‘Well, did anybody die?” was the query of the listener. “Sure! When I got up in the morning I locked in the paper, and, by jingo! there was @ man died over in Baltimore!” 2S Disinterested Counsel. From St. Paul's. He—“If you eat too much cake, you'll sure to be 21” TWO GOOD STORIES. Although You Do.Not Have to Belleve Both of Them. The group around the fire were talking about skating. “I don't pretend to be much of a skater,” said the man with his feet on the mantelpiece. “The last time I indulged in the pastime, though, I had the good luck to slip into an air hole.” “You don’t call that good luck, do you?” asked the man who had been trying to break into the conversation and tell a story himeelt. “Weill, under ordinary circumstanees 1 wouldn’t call it good luck,” replied the man with his feet on the mantel, “but in this instance it the led my catching th largest fish ever found in this section of the country. It happened this way. I was skating around the air hole, and at last ran plumb into it. The lower part of my body went under the ice, but I was able to -hold myself up by the arms. At last a man came to help me out, but one of my skates seemed to have become en- tangied in something below the surface, and he had to call for assistance. Several persons responded, and by their united ef- forts pulled me and a four-pound rock bass through the air hole. The jaws of the fish were held apart. by one of my skate blades. I suppose,” he added by way of explana- tion, “that I must have stuck my foot in his mouth when I first went down.” It was the unuttered consensus of opin'’s that the raconteur was a liar. There was a short pause, and the man who na@ been waiting for a chance told of an adventure on Lake Superior. He .said that while skating there one evening, far from shore, he was pursued by a monstrous gray wolf. “The wolf chased me about considerably,” he said, +, use I always. was a skater, and could beat any wolf that was ever created when it comes to getting around on the ice. After I had a little fun with the animal, making ‘figure eights’ and things lice that around him, I thought I would put him to some use. So I made a sudden dash around to his rear and caught hold of his tail with one hand. I had a shinny stick in the other, and beat him across the back with it. Well, gentlemen, that beast was so shocked and surprised thet he didn’* know what to do. He jumped around just like a colt that was being broken in. I held on tight, though, and he finally came to the conclusion that 3 wanted to go home, and lit out for shore. = “Gentlemen, I know you will believe me when I say that that was the si me mo- ment of my life. There I was a-holding to that wolf's tail with one hand, beating him with the shinny stick which I held in the other, and flying over the glassy surface at the rate of about forty miles-an hour. As we neared the shore he slowed up some, and gn reaching the land lay down and died from exhaustion. “I have his hide at home now,” con- cluded the narrator, “and you can see it if you want to.” This seemed satisfactory proof of the truth of the tale. At least no one ques- tioned it, and the meeting adjourned. —_—____ A WISE WUE. She Had a Bit of Sage Advice for Her Husband. ‘There ts a man on Capitol. Hill who has a wife of the best type, but, like a good many husbands with that kind of wives, he degn’t always appreciate her at her true vaiue. However, when he does appreciate her; he appreciates her almost enough to make up for lost time. Well, this husband had been insulted; outrageously insulted, as he thought, be- ing a sensitive man of a fiery temper, and he was burning with a spirit of revenge. He had thought of resorting to violent measures in defense of his sacred a but a second, sober sht came to him of his dependent wife and children, and ~ Eg sakes he had stayed the avenging an Again he had thought of appealing to the law, but that seemed almost cowardly to his high-born spirit, and he set it aside as quite impossible. All day the insult rankled in his bosom, and when the shades of evening had come and he wended his way homeward on an avenue car, he was in a condition of the most: irremediable indignation. He had some kind of a vague idea that a night of sleep might heal the wound of the insulter, but that failing, he knew that blood alone couid make atonement. As he neared home, thinking every sec- ond of what he would, could or must do, he happened to ink of his wife, and it dawned upon him like a sunburst that she was a woman of spirit and judgment, and | that she might be able to help him in his sore difticulty and suggest a soothing balm to his hurt honor. 3 With this new thought urging him on, he hastened into her presence, a8 soon as he hopped off the car, and kissed her. He did this, thinking that possibly by this time tomorrow evening he would be beyond the power of osculation. Naturally, this unusual surprised the gad woman. They had been married fifteen years. “Why, Henry,” she exclaimed, “what is the matter with you? You seem strangely excited.” . It was a minute before he could control bis voice sufficiently to use it for talking purposes. “I am,” he fairly snorted. “I have been insulted. “How? Who did it?” j spirit rose. “By a scoundrel who came into my office this morning. I have nursed my wrath ail day and now come to you for advice. What would you do if a man were to tell you to go to the devil?” As he strode about the room he kicked ra table, two chairs and the cat. Why, Henry,” she replied after the im- pulsive manner of women, and with the ut- most sincerity, “I wouldn't go.” Then he sat down and concluded that a good wife's advice was an anchor to wind- ward in a husband’s most tempestuous moments. demonstration and the wife's nes WHAT THE LADY SAID. ‘When the Tramp Thoyght He Had Anmnoanced a Right. He was a tramp. Just an ordinary tramp. If he had not been hungry he might have been an extraordinary tramp. But he was hungry. He.moved along K street eyeing the houses on either side with a curiously critical lcok. What“there is in the exterior appearance of a dwelling house which may convey an idea to the beholder as to the character of_ it8 occupants is not appreciable by the common run of markind who have houses t> live in. But to the predatory peripatetic cless, to which our hero belonged, there is scmething indicative, and the tramp prides himself on knowing the contents of a prize package by the looks of the wrapper. Still, pride must have a fall, even though it take it out of a tramp. After traversing a block or two his face lighted up as he came to a house which had the signs about it he was looking for. There was a side entrance, and he went through and back into the regions where as is fair to suppose there was a kitchen joor. Now it happens that tne lady who lives in that house @ society woman of haughty and imperious manner, but sharp as a briar in her talk, and withal an in- dustrious and careful housekeeper. It was not surprising, therefore, when he knocked at the kitchen door that she should appear in response to the knock, seeing that it’ was about 10 o'clock in the morn- ing, when good housewives ought to be making their rounds In the culinary and useful parts of the house. “Excuse me, lady,” he said, with meek humility and a touch of his remaining hat brim, “but can I get something to eat here?” “You cannot,” she answered, as cold and hoard as chilled steel, and not because she wasn’t a good Christian w but be- cause she didn’t want to encourage that ind of begging. “But, lady,” he pleaded, “I am very hun- “That is not my fault.” “But St is my misfortune, lady, and I must live.” She looked him over critically. “I cannot say that I see the necessity,” she answered, and calmly but firmly closed the door in his face. ——_. High Art. From the Chicago Record. “Were there any new features in your exhibition of impressionist paintings?” “Yes; we hung half the pictures upside down—and every one was delighted with the effects.” ANOTHER FISH STORY. Located at Great Falls and Calling for the Attention of Fishermen. | A Star reporter was busy at his desk the pther morning when a man with a sailory flavor and a- rolling gait walked in, and hitching up his trousers, bowed. “Ship ahoy!” he sung out. “How are you?” responded the man at the desk, thinking he had a crank to deal with. The sailory individual smiled pleasan' ard came up to the desk: . “Ave you the man,” he inquired, “that the Scuth Gun and‘ Mountain Rod Club, or whatever you call it, chap told that Bertie Eee ae e pul im the Great Falls?” a “Yes. Why? Wasn't it a true story?” “I don’t know whether it was or not. I ain’t seen the affidavits.” “Neither have I. That's why I’m asking you. Do you live at Great Falis?” “Not much. I’m captain of a canal boat.” The “ship ahoy” and the other sailory evidenees were explained to the writer by that frank admission. “Oh, you are? Well, I'm giad to hear it. Do you ever shiver your top-lights and do other things like that, as sailors are always = in the books?" “Sometimes the top-lights gits it in the neck when there’s a low bridge,” be replied in a tone in which there wasn’t much salt- ness of the sea. “But that ain't what I'm here fer. What I want to know is if you can give me the name of the man that told that story.” “What do you want to know for?” “Weil, I want tu see him and find out if he could identify the fish ag’in if he'd see it.” “That's what I don’t know,” said the Sailor, mysteriously. “I've saw a fish, but I don’t know if it is the fish or not, because if there's two of ’em I'm goin’ to sell out my canal boat and fo ashore to make a livin’.” ‘The writer laid aside all other duties and Sere and devoted himself to the matter = me,” he said, “what you know about i “I can’t tell you anything about the fish that other chap seen in the river, fer the one that I know about was in the canal, and I'm afraid it jumped the bank or something and got in. Anyway, it was this way: Com- in’ down the canal yisterday with fresh mules to the fore, and makin’ about three and a half knots, I was just sightin’ the lock at the falls when I felt a tug at the rope hangin’ down aft and trailin’ in the water. It shuck the whole boat. and I thought may- be we had run on a reef or something. I run aft, and when I got there the rope was taut, and something was hauling hard at it, and purty seon the boat stopped and gun goin’ back to’rds Harper's Fi ‘ looked for’d to where the mules was, the way they was clawin’ the ground and tearin’ up the towpath with their toe was a sight co behold. But it wasn’t no good, and after they had drug their off tryin’ to hold back, they just give as mules will, and simply went with tide. And the way we did go! I was par- alyzed, and if it hadn't been fer the cham- bermaid we'd been wrecked on the first iock, skcre. But she ha@ her senses, and when she seen how things was goin’, she ent the rope with a hatchet, and the fish wes pullin’ so that he flew clean out of the canal and lit in the river. Now what I want ” able to declare a dividend in the next fau teen years. What did you say the man’s name was?” And as soon as the writer had furnished it to the captain he dashed out and fied up the avenue. At least, that was the direction he had to fly in if he wanted to reach the office of the Rod and Gun Club man who told the other on IN A TENNESSEE CAVE. Fate of a Young Man on an Exploring Expedition. -They were telling stories over the wal- nuts and wine or the peanuts and beer or something like that, a Star reporter, as usual, taking his oft in listening. When a man whose reputation for veracity has never" been questioned of ihe floor of Con- gress indulged in a iresh chew of “long Sreen” and began talking. ~ 5 “One of the saddest events of my life,” he said slowly and as if the memory of it had lost none of the poignancy of the cause of his sorrow, “was my connection with the exploration of a cave in the moun- tains of Tennessee, more than years ago. I Was then not a boy, snd I had as friend, very near and dear, a young professor of geology in one of our col- leges. He was ten years younger than I, that Is, about twenty-five, and w: thusiast in all matters geological One day I told him of this cave in the moun- tains, and, at once, he wanted to explore it, for it had never been explored, and there was evidence that it was miles in extcnt. “That it was beautiful I know, for I had visited it om several occasions, and, had brought out some fine specimens of stalac- tites and stalagmites. Wishing to please the young geologist I agreed to act as escort and do the cave with him, so we made preparations for a big trip, way so as to have landmarks to guide us out again. of hot coffee and ham and eggs done in a pan we brought along. Immediately after breakfast we separated where the cav~ seemed to divide and we were to meat again at the point of separation at nog® to confer as to which route should be e& In an hour or more my progress and started in on his side, following string of corn. . I no great gray rat dash across my it almost scared me to death, for idea of rats in suéh a though, by that that the ca very deep at that point, but filled with cracks not more four inches wide, and there outlet visible. “I thought no more about the the first scare, for they were wil away quickly, but in a minute discovered something that made chills run down my back fainted. The corn dropped had been carried off by the rats, could not go further ahead. discovery cume to me at a point there were three or four openings cave, any one of which 4 for a wagon to go in. one hi taken I could not teil, and was so come that I sat down or fell down rock almost paralized. “Then I began to yell for him shoot my pistol, but he had hours of me, and, of course, could Then I thought of myself and started go ouf. Fortunately our point of starting that morning had been where there were no side halls, and I mi to get out. I went at Once for help, and with a large force of men we searched the cave for a whole weck, and at the end of that time ue H 2 i i i ate 4 2 i ? i FH EL Fe Shas but when he stepped forth into the of the sunshine he gave a scream seemed to be joyous rather than anything else, and fell into my arms, dead. Since that time,” concluded the narrator, “I have not gone under the ground on exploring expeditions,” and nobody ventured to sug- gest that he ought to keep on exploring Boy—“Don't you wish you was a man—to smoke?” The “New Girl”—“Not me! Not likely! A man, indeed!”"—St. Paul's. a