Evening Star Newspaper, January 11, 1896, Page 12

- THE EVENING STAR, sat One of the seemingly contradictory in- idents of animal nature can be seen in Washington. As is well known, cats and dogs are instinctively enemies. A well- known citizen owned a cat and also a very fine setter dog. The cat had a family of kittens, all of which were drowned. At about the same time the dog became the mother of some puppies, and a day or two after the drowning of the kittens, the dog ate a piece of pciscned meat, leaving the puppies orphaned before their eyes were opened. The cat was inconsolable for two or three days at the loss of her kittens, but one evening the owner noticed that she had the puppies around her, and ever since that time she has taken the part of mother to the little dogs, which have now opened their eyes, but are still as fond of their foster inether as though she had given them birth. ke ER K “No, I never knew a Chinaman to try to beat us,” said S. T. Ernest, the veteran transfer clerk of the Washington and Georgetown railroad at the intersection of .7th street and Pennsylvania avenue, “but the people of every other nation on earth have tried to do so, and thousands of them have carried out their purpose. I do not Know that it is because the Chinaman is more honest than others or whether he is more afraid that he will get in trouble.” He was talking to a Star reporter of what he has seen and heard during his seventeen years’ experience as a transfer clerk. “I guess,” he continued, in a musing way between the intervals of handing out the tickets, “that I have seen as many men, women and children as most any man. 1 see them by the thousands every day, and have seen them by the thousands every day for many years. From presidents and princes to tramps and beggars have ridden on our cars and have secured transfer tick- ets at this little window. I guess that not only the noblest, but the meanest men; not only the purest, but the vilest women; not only the richest, but the poorest people on earth, have passed these windows and gone their way doing good or evil. I sometimes wish that I could write intelligently. If I thad been a scholar I could have written a fine book by now.” Just then there was a rush of passengers from a 7th street car for one on the ave- gue, and the faithful old clerk dealt out Uckets in his nimble way, while the re- porter leaned against the tree which stands fust in front of the east window of the Ueket office and watched the hurrying throng. “Do many people beat us? - Yes, hun- Breds of them. You know there is a mania for beating a railroad of any kind. Splendidly dressed and wealthy men and Women, occasionally ministers of the gos- pel, and down to the vagabond play tricks on us to save car fare. Our instructions are that if we have any doubt about a man to give him a ticket. In many cases, however, we catch up with the sharpers and they get exposed before a crowd. We have never had any arrests made, as the sharper always sneaks away in a hurry.” The old transfer clerk says he has no idea how many tricks are worked to “do” the cars. One of the favorite ones, how- ever, is fer man or woman to stand at a convenient, and, if possible, secluded, place and wait until two crowded cars ‘“‘come to- gether.” Then the dead beat makes his way Into the crowd which leaves the cars and Walks up and gets a ticket. Another is to Jump on a car a block away and keep out of the way of the conductor until the trans- fer place is reached. se et I was talking to a well-known attorney the other day, and he told me that many @ case is lost in court by long speeches, instancing one in which he appeared. “I Was retained to defend a man accused of burglary,” he said, “and made an hour's speech in his behalf. My client was con- victed and sentenced to the penitentiary for five years, it being in Hlinois, where the jury fixes the length of term under the statute. I spoke for an hour and a half, and got a new trial, at which I exhausted myself in a two hours’ speech, at the end of which the jury brought in a verdict of seven years. If I had spoken half an hour longer I am confident that he would have been sentenced for ten years.” ket Ee € I have a friend, the wife of a newspaper man, by the way, who is very ingenious in contriving alll sorts of articles of wearing @ppparel, from wraps to bonnets, making, as her husband proudly declares, “an im- ported something out of nothing.” Only a- few of her friends know of her capabilities in this line, or guess how many pennnies she saves her worthy spouse with her clever fingers. I discovered her secret in this wise: We were shopping the other day, and while engrossed in watching some ribbon in @ store my friend felt her cape lifted, but thought some one had brushed by rather carelessly, until a voice asked close to her ear. “Lady, did yeu buy your cape ready made?” Now, Mrs. Newspape= is little, but, oh my! and she turned, as I expected she would, to annihilate the inquisitive per- son with a look, but as she met tke broad, Tosy face of an old country woman beam- ing with good-natured kindliness and en- tirely Innocent of having insulted the pro- prieties, little Mrs. N. lest her stony stare and smiled, too, as she replied courteously: “No, madam, I made it out of an old coat.” “Did you really, thovgh? Well, now, ain't it pretty?” appealed the old woman to the shop girl who was listening to the conservation with condescending hauteur. Miss Shopgirl elevated her over-penciled eyebrows and admitted that the cape was “Teally quite pretty.” when the old woman continued, still handling the cape and peer- ing under it to get a better view of the Hning: “But you bought the pattern, didn’t you, ma'am?” “Yes. “e t vou a quarter, didn’t it?” ,"" replied Mrs. Newspaper, by this time thoroughly amusec and wondering what would be the next question. Where did you get the pattern, lady?” ‘At so and so’s,g said Mrs. N. Linin’ 20st much?” continued this walk- ing interrogation point. “No, not much,” replied my friend, ‘just a@ dollar and seventy-five cents.” “Well, now, you don’t say! Such a pretty thing and only two dollars!” With this remark the old woman dropped the cape reluctantly and gazed at it linger- ingly as she passed on. ‘Mrs. Newspaper turned to the waiting girl behind the counter, who smiled in a superior way as she said: “Well! that old thing has more curiosity than a monkey. I wouldn't have answered her questions to save her Hfe.”* “Oh, yes, I think you woul said Mrs. N., genily, as she rece!ved her parcel, “for you know inquisitiveness is only imperti- mence when it ccmes from one who knows better. My cape probably caught her fancy, and my information, perhaps, re- minded her of an old creat, too small for her, which might be remodeled for her ‘Mary Jane.’ I am very glad I had the op- portunity of helping her.” Lo At the meeting of the Darning Club the other day Mrs. B. said that so many hose reminded her of her ride from Norfolk to Washington of last week. We failed to gee the connection between hose and a failroad trip, but Mrs. B. soon enlightened us “I was seated,” she explained, “near the center of the car, and at one of the sta- tions fust out of N. a lady came aboard, who took @ seat two rows in front of and cross the aisle from me. Just as she sat down s very handsome man, who had been walking up the aisle, stopped and shook bands with her, and finally intimated that he would be pleased to sit beside her. She moved along, and I was thinking what a handsome couple they made—he, a well- groomed, white-haired gentleman of per- haps fifty, with laughing brown eyes and a nigh-bred air—she, white-haired, too, but with such a pretty young face—when an interruption occurred in the form of the conductor asking for her ticket. I noticed that her color rose a bit and was surprised to see her turn her back on the friend and bend over evidently struggling with some- thing. He looked in a startled way at her, ther his glanee wandered nervously to the conductor, tence to the ceiling and finally settled on the landscape without. Presently the lady came up bringing the ticket, but looking red and embarrassed. Her long astrakhan cape and the chair- back covered her so well that where she was bunting for her ticket I could not determine, but I have been wondering if she is a follower of fads, as it has oc- curred to me that, if so, she must have had a pocket in her stocking.” ke Ke * Referring to an article which he saw in The Star a few days ago, relative to the singular occurrence of two new moons ap- pearing during the past month, a gentle- man from Loudoun county, Va., said: “The colored people up in our section have been greatly exercised over the matter and many of them are convinced that it portends the end of the world. “Though the almanacs all noted the fact, I think the colored people got their infor- mation from actval observation of the moon itself, and as they had heard no talk about two moons being due, they~ natur- ally concluded it was unexpected and supernatural. The matter is commonly referred to as ‘the two moons.’ And there are many who believe that there are real- ly two moons revolving about the earth now, both of which can be seen at certain times, and that the appearance of the sec- ond one is the precursor of some terrible disaster to come.” x AR RR A cynic from the west is in our midst, and, like everything fin-de-siecle, it Is a feminine follower of Diogenes that launches her critical comments at our heads. Her special text just at present ts “reception manners.”" “When you enter the drawing room on one of the ‘days,’ she descants, “you are confronted by a long line of hostesses, so- called, at whose head stands the mistress of-the house. Your name having been an- nounced to her, she greets you in a man- ner perfunctory or otherwise, but, being pressed by others in the rear, there is only time for the merest excaange of clivllities. That is the one bright spot in your call, if ycu are a stranger; for, in spite of the fact that the rooms are throrged with assist- ants, not one comes forward to address you or see that you are shown the hospi- tality they are supposed to extend. All around there ts a buzz of conversation be- tween people who are well known to each other, but such a thing as an introduction seems never to occur to them, while dotted around here and there are other unfortu- nates like yourself, gazirig wistfully at the inner set. . “Another point that you may set down as true is that if any one makes a break and attempts to show you some courtesy, she \c a novice herself, and that after she has been more fully initiated she will stand and stare super@iliously at newcomers, just as the rest do!” I comforted the irate social struggler by telling her that next year would find her oc- cupying the vantage ground and surveying with a chilly glance through a lorgnette a new crop of cynics from the north, east, south and west, and though she declared that her experience had taught her con- sideration for others, she felt she might be caught on the wheel of progress as it revolved, and in its whirl turn her back on this year’s bitter teachings. * * * Eavesdropping at the theaters is not the most delightful occupation in the world, but sometimes it is unavoidable, as one young woman in Washington knows full well. A few nights since she was at the Play, absorbed in its details, when pres- ently in the conversation that was being carried on behind her she heard her name mentioned. Instantly, as the voice was a strange one, her curiosity was aroused, and she had the pleasure of hearing nu- merous details concerning herself, relatives and home served up to her by a new ac- quaintance, who had not recognized the back of her head. As it happened, nothing very dreadful was said, but the poor girl said her hair stvod on end till the subject was changed Jest she should be forced to hear unpleas- ant truths, and she left the theater that night firmly resolved never to mention anybody's name in a public place, not caring to figure in a reversal of the inei- dent. x eR KX “Men are only boys grown tall,” runs the pretty poem, and Senators in Congress are no exception to this universal rule, if Sen- ator Hawley can be accepted as an illus- tration. I saw him just about Christmas time, with two or three equally sedate graybeards, all*clustering &round a music box, which played what seemed to be the most ravishing melodies on the insertion of & penny in the slot. All went well for a while, and, in obedience to a persuasive tip, the music went on, but presently there was a hitch in the mechanism, and, though the pennies continued to be swal- lowed with unfailing regularity, not a found came forth in response. Then these wiseacres waxed wroth, and demanded either fhe return of their pen- nies or a guarantee that the music box should render an equivalent, and the last I saw of them tney were all poking at the receptacle for their wealth with the eager- ness of boys who had dropped their pennies in a dust heap, and were determined to get them back at any expenditure of time and energy. * ke KX A woman got into an F street car one day last week holding by the hand a sturdy-looking youngster, about five years old. After the pair were comfortably seated, the mother drew from the recesses of a huge pocket en insignificant-looking purse, from whose depth a solitary dime was extracted. Thinking to please her heart's idol, as the young man evidently was, she tucked it into his chubby fist, that he might have the pleasure of giving it to the conductor. The gift evidently gave great pleasure, as his hand closed tignt over it, and when the fares were collected no powers of persuasion or force could meke him yield up his treasure. The mother coaxed, wheedled, threatened, and finally slapped the little money box, but in vain. The infant Rothschild held on with all his might, and at the first show of force set up a heartrending howl. It was evidently all the available cash of the pair, and when the incident became embarrass- ing to the whole carful through the moth- er’s distress, a tender-hearted spectator Produced a duplicate coin, and when the mother and son left the car the triumph- ant youngster made his exit, with his fist still clinched around his money and a de- moniac grin on his face. She—‘I am so sorry Mrs. Jones is no bet- ter. She has been sick a long, long time, hasn't she?” He (wearily)—“Yes, she has; dear me, I wish she would get weil or—something.”” ‘Truth. SATURDAY, JANUARY 11, 1896—TWENTY-FOUR PAGES. SEEN AT THE CAPITOL People who went into the sedate old Su- Preme Court room yesterday were nearly startled into heart failure by the sight that loomed on their bewildered gaze. As they emerged from behind the huge screen which keeps the draughts from getting full Sweep on the grave judicial gentlemen in blacle silk Mother Hubbards, they saw the gnim muzzle of a Gatling gun, or a mi- trailleuse, or some other murderous end- of-the-century invention staring them in the face. They got away from in front of it quicker tian ‘scat, too. Looks of fear gave place to surprise, and then inquiry, as they glanced from gun to the bench, where the men of judicial mind sat, calmly ob- livious, apparently, of the warlike appear- Tance of the historic chamber. ‘The first thought of The Star reporter was that Mr. Justice Brewer, out of “emi- nent precaution,” was getting ready to sit in judgment on the Venezuelan question, and disposed to be ready for all emergen- cies in case England should undertake to burn the Capitol or invade its sacred pre- einets with a force of armed men. But the justice sat there, so calmly contempla- tive, that that idea had to be abandoned. Then, in the dim light, the big screen be- gan to assume armor plate proportions, and The Star reporter had to poke it slyly to make sure that its soft surface wasn’t twelve-inch armor, and a “proving” test in contemplation. That action brought a sable attendant hustling along to prevent such desecration. “What is that business, anyhow, and what is it up here for?” was the question at the functionary, as he gently but urgently intimated that The Star reporter must certainly sit down or get out. “Deed, miss, it ain't nothin’ but a gun that a man has sent up here to let the cou’t see if it ain’t the best thing to use if we has anothah wah!” In fect, it is 2 gun that two men are quarreling about, both claiming to have in- vented a turn-table or something that the government is using. It is placed in the court room, where the Supreme Court judges, who are, of course, up on all ord- Rance, can see the thing work when the case comes up. If some blooming London newspaper reporter should stumble in there accidentally, wouldn’t he have a “bloody” tale of horror to send back about the bristling armament that surrounds the chairman of the Venezuelan commission, who is in “fear for his life?” ze ROK K The chair of ‘Kicker’ Kilgore of the Fifty-third Congress is now occupied by Judge Miller of Kansas. He is one of the youngest-looking and mildest-mannered men on the floor, but he has quite as much force of character as the gentleman from Texas, though it does not He in his boot heels. Judge Miller is the Kansas man whose vote defeated the election of the Rev. Mr. Fisher of Kansas for chaplain of the House. He is a Yankee, a Maine Yan- kee, if you please, and his tenacity of pur- pose is as tough as one of the big pines of his native state. xe Ke * Speaker Reed’s manner of asking the chaplain to invoke the Divine blessing {s somewhat odd. His voice loses its sharp nasal twang and lowers to a deep bass, that is not natural at all. It makes one think that if he found it necessary, he could make a prayer himself that would be worth lis- tening Lo, * ke OK * Every woman who visits the Senate spies Brice’s carnation, and immediately begins to wonder where he gets the superb blos- soms, They are twice as large as anything that can be bought at a florists, and it must be that he has a variety of his own propa- gating. sets x * * It is said that a Yankee doesn’t know the letter “‘a’’ at the end of a word, but always turns It into “er.” Sp2aker Reed goes one better on some words. For instance, “Iowa” gets to be “Ioway” at his hands, with the accent on the last syliable. Mr. Crisp al- ways says “Iowa,” with the accent on the second letter, hence it is that neither of the distinguished gentlemen get it right. It is an Indian name, and should be pronounced “I-o-wah,” with the accent on the first syllable. kK KOK ® The Senate sofas are splendid loafing places, and some of the new members know it. One came over from the House the oth- er day, and deposited his manly form at full length on one of them, as he hag a habit of doing in the House, and was soon fast asleep, under the soporific influence of Sena- tor Stewart’s silver uecents. The attend- ants of the Senate eyed him askance, but A TRUTHFUDiFISH STORY. - slag The Sise of One in'@he/River Near the Great Falfs. A lot of them werg sittijg around telling fish stories, although it qwas cold enough outside to freeze bait infa bottle, and a Star reporter was tafing'in the wild, weird tales with more or ‘fess “discount, when a member of the South Mountain Rod and Gun Club took the ,fjoor,gand at once, by his calm and confident manner, assured all hearers-that whatever.might be the lack of veracity in the preceding tales there would be none in what,he was about to unfold. 3 a “Speaking of the §sh that gets away as the largest,” he said; “I 4m quite prepared to believe that it is‘true!!There may have been a time when I @ad doubts on this sub- ject, but they were, dispelled last year by ap experience I had at Great Falls. “What were you fishing there for aired an expert, in a scornful tone. “I was with a party of amateurs on a sort of a picnic,” responded the narrator, rather apologetically, for he is an artist who does not like to have his skill brought into question. “But to resume. As I was saying, I was up there fishing last summer, or spring rather, the only time, you know, when amateurs and poets think fish will bite, and I had gone over to the Virginia shore and was monkéying around thére about 100 yards above the falls. I don’t know whether you gentlemen are acquaint- ed ‘there or not, but I can tell you that the Potomac water comes down with a rush that ought to bring enough mud to Wash- ington to subsoil the insides of twice as many people as live in the capital city. “Then it breaks over -the bluff and goes swishirg and swirling, and hustling and hurling, and twisting and twirling around over the rocks and boulders below, until you would think Satan himself had set up his churn there and was using all the water so his tenants couldn’t get any for drinking purposes. As I was saying, I was monkeying around above the falls making a cast now and then just for the fun of it, when all of a sudden I got a jerk at my line that was so sudden and spirited as to cause me to lose my fvoting on the slippery stone where I was stand- ing, and the next thing I knew I was in the seething waters, and I.can assure you that they seethed a thousand times more on close acquaintance than they did at long range. “Fortunately, I held on to my rod as I was swept away, because it was a valuable one, and I didn’t want to lose it. In’ half a second after I struck the water I was sweeping down toward the falls, and I yelled for help, but of course help was impossible, and I knew that in another second I was going to be on my way to eternity. I had just begun to think of all the sing I had ccmmitted, when I felt my- self slowing up, ard then almost instantly 1 stopped and began going back up stream. “The current was so strong that my resistance to it was very nearly as un- pleasant as the going down was, but I felt that I might yet be saved, and the way I gripped that rod and caught onto it with both hands was a lesson to beginners in active industry. I couldn't account for it at first, but by the time I had been dragged back to still water it occurred to me that it was the fish I had caught that was doing it, and my sportsman instincts took the place of fright, and I began to figure on how to land that fish. But I couldn't do it, and after several vain attempts, I had to let go the red and swim ashore. I’m quite sure that in all my experience I have never caught a larger fish than-—” “The one you didn’t catch,” interrupted a veteran member of the club, and nobody else had a word to say. in- —e NO LAWYER. — Gov. Culberson of Texas Mnde Attor- ney General Becayse Not a Lawyer. Governor Culberson of Texas thus ex- plained to a Star réporter how he entered politics, and obtained his first office, that of attorney general. “{ had been practicing law,” he said, “and thought I had made about enough reputa- tion to justify branching out. I did not ex- pect to be nominated, but I thought it would be a good introduction to start with a race for the attorney generalship. Geo. Clark, one of the ablest lawyers in the country, was my opponent. He was placed in nomination by a brilliant speech, while my friend. who proposed my name. ne- glected to mention’ my legal attainments. It looked dark for me When a man from the Panhandle arose and sald: ‘Mr. Speaker, hey say Clark’s a great lawyer. I come with proxies from my end of the state all in my pocket, an’ was notified to vote for Clark. But I know no one had any idee he was a lawyer. This state has been hog- swaggled by the lawyers till she’s so pore you can’t sell enough cotton to pay for the did not disturb him till a resounding snore | cattle the cactus kills, all on account of slammed up against the sleepy air, and then; the lawyers, and the railroads that keeps the new member was yanked out of dream- em up. I hope we won't put in any law- land with a violeace that broke a second | yer, and I’m for Culberson. Nobody's ever snore spang in the middle like a firecracker | accused him of being a lawyer.’ that gets tired wnen-only half exploded, and the attendant shoved him into a cloak room to recover his breath. * eK KK Senator Sherman and Senator Morrill cling to the old style of many-plaited shirt bosoms with very little starch in them. ‘They are the only men in the Senate who That speech resulted in my nomination.” Je Se A STRANGE SPECTACLE. Why a Man Cannot Always Practice What He Preaches. “T saw a thing Saturday,” said Represen- tative Mercer, “which set me musing and dc. Senator Sherman concedes a little of i his old-fashioned taste, and wears a stand | Philosophizing all the way to the Capitol. ing collar with turned-back points, but he| You now how cold it was Saturday. The wears good-sized ties almost like “dickies” that were worn by the beaus of half a century ago. Senator Morrill wears @ black string tie. x ke * the} wind whistled around corners and swept down the street, driving before it those whose coifrse enabled them to turn their backs, and cutting like a knife through the “The third justice from the corner has a| skin of those who had to face it. There was face such as you only see in these days on| not comfort even in a fur-lined overcoat, old Roman coins and medalhons,” said a| and people in closed carriages looked cold. lady who was visiting the Supreme Court|I passed a young fellow on F street. He room for the first time on Wednesday. She | may have been eighteen or nineteen years was referring to Justice Brewer, who has | old. He was tall and thin, and pale, just been appointed on the Venezuelan commission. Senator Peffer ought to tak heed of the improvement that a “clean shave” has made @ the distinguished jurist from his own state. x Ke KK A member of the finance committee has except his nose, which was red, and his hands and Ups, which were blue. He wore no over- coat. His shivering form was covered with only a very thin spring or fall suit. The sleeves of his coat were short, leaving his wrists bare, and he had no gloves. His trousers, too, were short, and the cutting congratulated himself until recently upon| wind flapped them around his ankles above the efficiency of his private secretary, who | his shoe-tops. In his hand he carried a ban- the Senator considers a perfect gen‘us when ; her with this device: it comes to the matter of handling a large mail and extracting therefrom those things necessary for his immediate personal con- sideration. The secretary opens all of the Senator’s mail, personal and otherwise, ex- cept certain letters which he is instructed “Blanket Your Horses. “THE HUMANS SOCIETY,’ ——_ A Church With but One Member. From the Chicago Standard. There is a Baptist church at Cornish, about. Those that he has any doubt about | Me., which now reports only one mémber. he Is supposed to iook at the heading and| It is one of the oldest churches in the the signature and judge of its jrivacy| country, having been organized in 1792. without reading. it is on his ability in this| Zion’s Advocate declares that the church line that the Senator has boasted. The Senator’s mail has been very heavy recent}, ters being. under consideration by finance committee, of which he is a mem- ber. It is quite an unusual thing for the secretary to make a mistake, has not had a pastor for many years, but its members have regularly contributed to » owing to the tariff and other mat-| our denominational benevolences and main- the | tained their organization. Notwithstanding the opportunities which offer themselves to the membership of.:this organization, the one member holds but one office—that of but of all he} church clerk; but this is not surprising, as ever did make, his latest will serve to de-| this member is a woman, and the women tract from any glory he may have won in| generally do most of the work, although this line, and it takes the premium. His employer was late in arriving at the Capitol the other morning, and instead of going to his room, went direct to the finance com-{ From the Chicago fist. ” mittee meeting and notified his secretary. After perusing the extensive mail, Mr. Secretary prided himself that there was but one letter in two hundred or more that he should hand the Senator personally, so he repaired to the finance committee and sent it in. A warm discussion was on, and the, Senator, who was an attentive listener, paused while he read the letter. Suddenly he began to laugh audibly. decorated with a huge red -nonogram, with a 5th avenue date, and started off: Dear Friend,” and wonad up: “Yours sin- cerely, Carrie.” The letter proved to be an ingenious ad- vertising scheme of a meat manufacturer, and, although printed, looked like a lady’s handwriting, and without close scrutiny could not be detected from actual hand- writing. The Senator told several of his associates on the committee at the time of the joke on his trusted secretary, and they laughed heartily. He then went to his committee room to have some fun with his friend. Always Disappointing. From the Chicago Evening Post. “Poor fellow!" she said sympathetically. “What's the matter?” he asked. “The poor man was disappointed in love,” she replied. “Of course,” he returned. come up to expectations.” ———__+e+____ Sporting Note. From the Chicago Record. “Why do they call him a weight?” “He uses a quill pen!” “It never does “‘feather- The Jetter was From the Sktch, 1° holding comparé#tivély few of the offices. oiny How He Lived. “I have too mich Fespect for myself to go to the poorhouse or to apply to the county for help/ hessald, drawing himself up proudly. oT 3 “Then how dosyou manage to live?” “Oh, I steal octasionally. Aubrey De Vere—“I “wish to goodness you'd go away, waiter!” Waiter—“Excuse me, sir, but I’m respons- ttle for the silver.” * A ROUNDABOUT WAY. Of Working 9 More or Less Unsuspect- ing Victim and Its Success. A Star reporter was standing in front ‘of an uptown hotel the other evening when he was approached by a party who had evi- dently seen better days, although it could be seen that he was not yet quite on the bottom round of the ladder. He was of the shabby genteel order, and might have been a man waiting for an office, or just an or- diary type that rever worries much Sver what he is going to eat so long as he can get plenty to drink. He engaged the re- porter in a desultory sort of conversation a few minutes, then became rather con- fidential. a_, Wil you,” he sad, quite mysteriously, step into the nearest place and have Something to drink with me? I have a matter I'd like to talk to you about.” “Hum,” hesitated the reporter, “the near- est place is the hotel office, and there is nothing there except water,.a liquid, by the way, which is entirely too wet for such chilly weather.” The reporter was rather pleased at this sally, because he thought he had thrown the -applicant off the track, but he was mistaken. “What a pity,” sighed the genteel one. “Really, -I_ think Washington hotels are lacking in accommodations, don’t you?” “We might go to some more distant Point,” suggested fhe reporter, with a smile, and interested in knowing how it was going to come out. : “I hadn't thought of that,” laughed the shabby genteel; “‘of course, we can go. I now a place right around the corner.” “Do they know you?” ventured the re- porter. The face of the shabby genteel fell al- most to the ground before he caught it. “Yes,” was all he said, but there was a. thousand times more than that in the tone. “That will be all right,” the reporter has- ee to assure him. “I'll go you one for uck.”” The shabby genteel could not be too grateful, and within a few minutes he was on the outside of a hot toddy and was feeling good all over. “By the way,” he said, toying with his empty glass as if he wished it weren't empty, “what I warted to ask was some- thing about poker playing.” “Well, what was it?’ “Did you ever trump your partner’s ace?” “Many times.” “Did you ever open a full house with a “Did you ever beat a royal flush ‘vith a lone hand?” “Qu te frequently.” The face of the shabby genteel was grow- ing clouded. “Did you ever,” he said, “hold five aces and draw for three pair?” “A dozen times in one evening, I should 8a; id you ever bluff with a right bower?” “Often.” The shabby genteel was getting nervous, and let go of h's empty glass. “Did you ever,” he asked, hopelessly, “go it alone on a pair of deuces?” “More times than I can count,” and the reporter looked like an old sport who had been through the mill. The shabby genteel was desperate. “Say,” he said, letting a little ray of hope come into his eyes, “did you ever play a game of poker?” “Never in my life,” replied the reporter, giving a fine imitation of a man adhering str ctly to the truth.« The shabby genteel grabbed his empty glass and thumped it on the counter em- phatically. “Shake,” he exclaimed, extending his hand; “shake, my dear friend, on behalf of a restored confidence. I was afraid you were going to say you were a poker player, and under the circumstances I should have been compelled to have called you a liar from Baltimore and refused absolutely to have taken another drink with you. Now it is entirely different, and I feel that it is a@ pleasure and an honor, sir,” and he sboved his glass toward the barkeeper, and the reporter nodded in the same direction, in response to the barkeeper’s anxious look of inquiry. ——— SETTLED THE BILL. A Hotel Keeper That Preferred to Pay an Intended Suicide’s Fare. Suicides are never wanted by hotel pro- prietors. Each one ccets a hotel a consid- erable amount of money, and for months the room in which it occurred is shunned. At one of @he leading hotels of this city lately a guest acted strangely, and the pro- prietor made up his mind that the man was going to do something desperate. So one night he went to the guest's room. There was no answer to his knocks, and the door was locked. A look over the transom showed the guest writing a letter, a pistol at one side and a bottle of poison at the other. “Let me in or I'll break open the door,” called the landlord. The door was opened after a little hur- 7 work disposing of the things on the table. “I don’t want any suiciding here,” said the landlord, entering. “What's the matter with you, anyway.” “Out of money, out of work and can’t get out of town,” sullenly said the guest. “Well, how much cash will you take and agree to get out of town?” asked the-hotel man. = “I could get home for $20,” was the reply. “Here's the money; now pack your grip and take the first train.” The man went. It was a good business transaction for the landlord. —_———— OLD GLORY LIVES ON. How Perpetual Life is Secured for the * Capitol Building Flags. It is a question which no one can answer what becomes of the flags which fly ses- sion after session over the two houses of Corgress. The life of a flag exposed at such a height to the tattering winds natu- rally cannot be long. Every now and then, after a storm, a great rent is seen in “Old Glory,” as it proclaims from the house- top that our statesmen are deliberating. Semetimes the edges only are frayed. Sometimes’a stripe is gone, or, perhaps, half the stars may be torn away. Then in a day or two it fiies again with all its stripes and its stars, as if it had never suf- fered by the storm. I asked what became of the old flags. Nobody knew What do you do with them? Nothing. They :re the sarfe flags; that is, there are no new ones. The cid flags are sim- ply mended. There is a patriotic poem in this. “Old Glory’ has a perpetual life; that is, the “Old Glory” that presides over the Capitol. When a stripe blows away, a new or? is put in its place, and the same old flag is pulled to the head of the staff. It is the blue field and stars. If it is the blue field and stars that is gone, this is reprodwed. If only a rent, it is darned; if a hole, it is patched. Then another stripe goes, and a new one is added. So on, the old portions are blown away, the newer standing until the new becomes the old in turn and tears away, and in end- less evolution the old flag lives on. It is always the same flag, but from year to year its entire texture Is changed, and the small bits are blown away by the winds, and other small bits take their place. There is no graveyard for Old Glory. It has perpetual life. No one can tell when the flag which floats over the Senate was bought. It is still a perfect flag, but no ~part of what was first drawn to the mast- head is now in existence. —_—___e-______ NO USE FOR TOWELS. An Expedient Suggested by the Con- dition of Potomac Water. “I wanted to take a bath this morning, but the water Is so infernally muddy that I had to postpone it,” said an acquaintance to a Star reporter. ~ “Best fluid in the wide world to bathe in,” said an old department clerk, who bathes occasionally. “It beats the celebrated baths of the old world, and has all the medicinal qualities of the baths at Hot Springs.” “But the water is 80 muddy,” said the first speaker. “The dirt is so’ “That's just what makes it valuable. ‘Just fill your bath tub, jump in and enjoy your bath, but don’t use any towels.” “Not use towels?” “No; let the water dry on your body. Then all you have to do is to take a dust broom and”. But the first speaker had fled. —— At the Swimming Baths. From the Erle (Pa.) Messenger. Polite but absent-minded bather (to friend up ‘® his neck in the water)—“‘Ah, Jay, very glad to see you. Won't you sit down?” A DANGEROUS ANIMAL Which is Loose and Often Disturbs Penceful Citizens. The Star reporter was making a winter tour of the zoological garden the other day with a friend, and as the two stood looking at the bear den the friend broke into an animal story. “I had an experience the other night,” he said, “which I don’t care to have re- peated.” x “A whale swallow you?” suggested the reporter. “Thank goodness, I'm no Jonah,” he laughed. “Possibly the bears rushed out of the wood and tore you to pieces?” “I'm somewhat of a bald head,” he said, taking off his hat in evidence, “but it wasn’t bears.” “Then what was it?” “T'll tell you. I had hada good dinner and after it had gone to my room to read | for a couple of hours. I had fixed myself in an easy chair close under a soft-lighted reading lamp, and for an hour had been poring over my book with great pleasure, when I began to have a queer feeling. I couldn't just explain it, but it was that kind of a feeling, you know, when you think somebody is in the reom who cughtn’t to be there. I looked up and around, but saw nothing at first. In a minute my eyes became accustomed to: the shadows, and over in the far corner of the room I saw a pair of glittering, gleaming eyes. “My first thought was that it was my Maltese tomcat, a fine large fellow, but I saw in a minute that it was something forty times bigger than he was, and my impulse was to fire an inkstand or a paper weight at it, but I thought better of the impulse and concluded to wait for develop- ments. The fact is I felt kind of over- powered, don’t you know, and I don’t be- lfeve I couid have mustered energy enough to have thrown anything at the brute. I watched it, though, most intently, and in a very short time it began to move and came out of the shadows toward me. Then I thought it was a St. Bernard dog that had strayed fn and been shut up in my room during the day. “As it came forward slowly, creeping like a cat, the dog delusion was dispelled, and Iwas at a loss to determine what it was. But it kept creeping up on me, and I sim- ply sat watching it with a strange fascina- tion, I thought of birds, charmed by snakes, and began to appreciate how the little fellows felt, for I tried to make some Bhow of resistence to the thing, but couldn't to save my life. The strain on me was fearful, for I could feel that, and was almost smothered by it. Still the brute kept creeping forward, and When it had reached » point about six feet away from me I noticed it crouch low to the rug, and I braced myself for what was coming, be- cause I knew that was the preliminary to a spring, and I was to be the object on which the animal was to light. “My suppositions were entirely correct, and on the instant the brute rose like a bird and dropped square ou my chest. I expected to be torn and scratched all to pieces, but for some reason it did not bite cr scratch, but seemed to be smothering me. Sucking my breath as the children say a cat does. Anyway, the shock of the im- pact seemed to rouse my dormant physical faculties, and I began to struggle. I could scarcely move ut first, but the more cffort I made, the greater my strength seemed to be, and, finally, in my struggles I upset the chair, and over we went on the floor, with a jar that shook the whole house, and I awoke.” “Come off,” exclaimed the indignant lis- tener. “What the deuce did you tell me that kind of a yarn for. That was only rightmare.” . “Yes,” concluded the yarner, “the one dangerous animal everywhere common, and still not mentioned in any natural history that I know of.” es NIGHT CLERK’S EXPLAN ON. He Put in a Plea That His Wife Was to Blame. From the Buffalo Express, It was time for the night clerk to report for duty. He did hot appear. The day clerk was sleepy and anxious to go home. But, of course, he couldn’t desert his post. He stood it for two hours. Still the night clerk came not. Then the day clerk tele- phoned for the boss to come down. The bess came, marveled and stood watch until 7 o'clock in che morning. Then the miss- ing man came in, sheepish, but determined to know the worst. “How do I stand?” was his first remark. “Tell your story before I decide,” sternly commanded the boss. _ Whereupon the deiinquent unfolded this strange tale: “I went homé at the usual time this morning and got to bed. I rather .overslept, for it was 9 o'clock in the even- ing when I awoke. It did not take me long to discover that both my wife and my trousers were missing. My wife I could ac- count for, because she had told me she was going to a masquerade party at her sis- ter’s house, which ts out Cheektowaga way. But what had become of my trous- ers? I couldn’t think, when I happened to remember that I didn’t know what char- acter my wife intended to represent. Evi- dently it was a male character, and that solitary pair of trousers was now forming part of her disguise. I swore for an hour at her thoughtlessness, but that didn’t bring back the breeks. We have no very near neighbors, and, anyway, I was ashamed to scream for. assistance. I thought of ringing for a tall messenger boy and borrowing his pants, but, unfor- tunately, there was no call in our house. So I had to worry and stew until daybreak, when my wife and the trousers came home. She had won much admiration in the char- acter of Teddy the bootblack, but I haven’t time yet to tell her what I think of her. I was so anxious to get down here. “Now,” concluded the night clerk, “how do I stand? If you fire me, I’m going to hoof it to Oklahoma and ge a di ag “Well, John,” said the boss, “I have been thinking hard things about you all night. But your story is too good not to go. I think the best thing to do, considering your general faithfuln is to raise your pay the first of the year, so that you can afford tc own two pairs of trousers at a time.” ———+e+-____ They Didn’t Use Luxuries. From the New York Weekly. Sharper—“How did that soap-sample dodge work?” . Agent—“Didn’t work at all.” “Eh? Did you do as I said—leave a cake for examination at every house, then go around in a week and demand payment for wea cake which had been wet?” “Ye: Every cake was handed back to me as fresh as new.” “Strange! What street did you select for the game?” “Blank street.” “Humph! No wonder it failed. street is chock full of anarchists.” ee Most Undoubtedly. From the New York Herald. Mr. Wanterno—“What particular point are you following up in vivisection now, doctor?” Dr. Scalpel—“‘We are trying to estimate the exact amount of pain it causes the animal.” Mr. Wanterno—“Don’t you think if you tried it on one of the fraternity he'd be able to make a better and more scientific report?” ‘That SS es Christmas School Treat. From Punch. Athletic Curate—‘Now, wait a bit there, wait a bit! You mustn’t start yet. Now, are you ready?—are you ready? G—”" Recollects himself, and “rushes” grace. Se ee A PHILOSOPHIC BOARDER. A Leat From the History of a Board- ing House. Mr. Faddles, which is not his real name, sat in the small hall bed room of his boarding house, not more than four hun- dred and seventy-five miles from the north- West corner of the patent office, with his blve fingers over the lamp chimney, when a knock resounded upon his door. It was a knock to startle, but it didn’t startle Mr. Faddles. He was afraid to be startled, lest any sudden movement would break him in two, so nearly frozen brittle was he. “Come in,” he called. ‘Gocd evening,” said a lady, curtly, as she opened the door in response to the vitation of Mr. Faddles. It was the landlady, but this did not startle Mr Faddies. He was accustomed to his landlady. “Take this chair, Mrs. Spuddington,” said Mr. Faddles, rising and crowding over to the wall, in order to give the landlady a chance not to get pinched. “It is the only chrir I have in the room at present, but I fancy you don’t care for more than one at a time. A person, you know, very rarely does,” and Mr. Faddies smiled. thinly. “I never do. You will at least find it warm, which is, I am sorry to say, not a striking characteristic of the temperature of the room.” Mrs. Spuddington, which is not her real took the chair, and Mr. Faddles up against the wall, getting as close to the lamp as he could. “J came in, Mr. Faddies,” said the lady severely, and without thanking him for the ask you about the board bill you owe me. x “It is very kind of you, I am sure,” said Mr. Faddies. “I don’t know that it is,” she replied, in a discouraging tone. “But it is,” insisted Mr. Faddies. “I eam sure I would never have thought of going to see you about it. But then,” added Mr. Faddies, in self-deprecation, “you were al- ways so thoughtful, Mrs. Spuddington.” “I guess not,” she laughed, disagreeably, and with reference especially to his not coming to see her about it. “May I ask,” he inquired, with great def- erence, “how much it is?” “Twenty-two dollars and fifty cents.” “Why,” exclaimed Mr. Faddles in gentle surprise, “it seems to be growing.” “I should say it was growing,” she snap- “When are you going to pay it?” “Just as soon as I can.” This with confi- dence. “That's what you told me when it was fifteen dollars. “Yes, I believe I did,” admitted Mr. Fad- dies. “And it Is more now.” “Yes,” he confessed with contrition, “‘sev- en dollars and a half more, and my ability to liquidate is decreased by just that much.” Mrs. Spuddington was becoming angry. “What I want.to know is, are you going to pay, ever?” she said, bouncing around In Mr. Faddies’ chair. “Of course I am,” assarted Mr. Faddles. ‘Well, all I have to say is you'll pay or you'll get out.” “Then you will lose it,” argued Mr. Fad- dies, “because if I can’t pay you now, how can I pay you when I am owing some other landlady to whom you have driven me?” This was putting it in a different light. “I'd rather lose twenty-two dollars and a half than forty-:wo and a half,” she said. “Thea I'll get-out.” No, you won't either,” contended Mrs. Spuddington after the manner of women in an argument. “You'll stay here till you pay it if it takes a year.” Mr. Faddies’ face brightened. “All right,” he respoaded, changing position for one more comfortable. “ being settled, let us talk about something more a: le.” “No we won't either,” she contended with “We'll talk about that board bill.” i to discuss anything,” shivered the landlady. “Come down stairs to my room, where it is warmer,” and Mr. Faddles obediertly followed Mrs. Spudding- tcn down stairs, pondering as he went along on how much better it was for a boarder not to pay his board and have the landlady make it hot for him, than it to pay promptly and freeze stiff in hall bed room with nothing to ‘warm except a pocketful of receipted — THE BABY DID IT. Brought Sumshine Inte a Car on a Rainy Day. On one of the cold, rainy days past week a Star reporter was on on the, Pennsylvania avenue line comt down Capitol Hill. There was a pretty load of passengers. It was cold, wet and uncomfortable inside the car, and the rain beat a tattoo on the windows without that brought anything but pleasant refiections to the passengers who would have to face it. At the Peace monument there was a big reinforcement of passengers. They piled in very unceremoniously, bringing with them a rush of cold air, scattering showers of spray from their soaked garments. In the crowd which got aboard was a woman with a baby in her arms. The wo- man wes rather poorly and thinly clad and had no umbrella. There was some delay in her getting a seat and she looked decidedly fcrlorn and helpless trying to maintain her balance and at the same time look out for her child. But with all the environment calculated to make men mean and surly some one had enough gallaniry in spite of the weather to offer her a seat. But mother and child got many a reproving look from the other pas- sengers. Those who were in an ugly mood on account of their unpleasant surround- ings found it very soothing to their ruf- fied feelings to think, “‘well, there ger fool than I am,” and one lady ed to her neighbor loud enoi the ears of the writer: “The very taking a baby out in such a finished her sentence with a shoulders which meant more tl But baby was wrapped up sni in a blanket and its mother, what her neighbors might think, unrell the quaint covering to see diminutive majesty was getting on. body in the car was watching her with looks of mingled di and curiosity. ot a Late 5 zEe il k wit gilt face as it was! There was never a more completely surprised set of people in that street car before. eyes, such dimples and, withal, 4 healthy, smiling face in all probability never light up a similar occasion. Baby's appearance worked like a magic charm on the rest of the passengers. As soon as his face was uncovered, he took a survey of the passengers about him with owlish gravity. Then, as if struck by some highly ludicrous idea in the contemplation of the scene, he burst into a great fit of baby laughter. He chirruped and chuckled, and kicked up his heels in such high glee that inside of a minute he had the entire car on his side. The scowling looks had all disappeared as if by magic and people for- got all about the disagreeable weather out- side and their uncomfortable surroundings within and joined with baby in a broad smile at the novel situation. Somehow that baby’s genuine, ee and spontaneous gocd spirits had for time put an en- gd new phase cn life with all who saw UNFORTUNATE GIFT. Lost Two Customers by Giving Baby Carriage Away. “I was born under an unlucky star,” sald C. E. Jameson, a Baltimore knight of the eripsack, toa Star reporter. “Over in Mary- land there are two men named Curtis doing business in adjoining towns. One of them has been a customer of mine, while I could rever sell much to the other one. I was told that the one whose trade I wanted and could not get been presented by his wife with twins. A bright idea came to me. I would seal his trade forever. I sent him the best baby carriage I could buy. Then in a few days I went over there. He was the maddest man I ever saw. It seems that he ie a bachelor and everybody in town had guyed him. Then I went to the other town to see my customer, and he was mad. It was he who was father of twins, and a rival had given him a carriage, with the infor- mation that be had seen me buy one for . another customer who had a baby. I haven't straightened it out yet, and I’m doubtful if I ever can.” ——_—_—_- A Northern Outrage. From the Chicago Tribune. “What impressed you as the most remark- able thing you saw while on your trip through the south?” “A live chicken running at large in the streets of Charleston.” .