Evening Star Newspaper, January 17, 1891, Page 10

10 WHY THEY LAUGH. Funny Things That Keep Census Clerks on the Grin. HUMOR OF SOME RETURNS. Singular Disabilities Reported —Queer Names Found in the Enumeration Schedules— Towns That Have Curious Appeilations— Fun in Dry Documents. GOOD MANY funny things have been told anent the taking of the eleventh cen- gus, but most of them were based upon the experience of the enumerators in securing the information 4 for. Other funny things are constantly cropping out that are fully as ladicrons, if not more so, than those already told, but these are accessible only to those elerks in the offices here whose mouths are ¢losed by a wholesome fear of the general orders forbidding them to give out informa- A gentleman who was is" is possessed of a keen sense of the humorous. absurd and Indicrous, and while employed in the office he made numer- ous memorandutas while examining schedules from and letters to enumerators, which he showed to a Stan reporter. One kind-hearted enumerator in Indiana, with a delicacy worthy of emulation, describes # lady in his district as being ‘deformed in| Fight eye.” Every one has heard coarse and ribald remarks about eyes whose axis of vision was obliqued, but the man from the hoop-pole section strack a new sty é Another Indisna man mentioned a consider- able number of persons in bis returns as “Di abled by rum.” or “partially disabled by rum.” a until a shrewd | or reported f rheumatism and ht. “rum” as an abbreviation correspondence proved From Hlinois a man is r his ears.” The official was probably ticular for fear that Supe: di or knee joints. A CASE OF DEFORMITY. Referring to the “deformity in right eye,” many schedules returned reported persons af- flicted with “crippled speech” or “speech de- formed.” A prominent newspaper man who| used to conduct a morning paper here would sarely have had his speech reported some such When he was here a man—now dead— who was continually writing long communica- tions on all kinds of abstruse subjects was a holy terror to editors, for he would haunt the Offices until his screeds were published, and he would not be fooled by the “‘misiaid” dodge or waste basket. One time he pestered this editor until the latter overhauled the matter with a blue pencil and pair of shears and put in about a quarter of a column out of two solid col- umns furnished. In came the man, madder than he would have been at the waste basket, and wanted to know why his matter was muti- lated. “It was too long, and I had tocondense it,” painfully stuttered the editor. “Condense thunder! That wasn't condensed; you rewrote it yourself, and was too i to understand the subject. You blamed bit better than you can talk. ‘Then the mad was on the editor, who had the rude objector fired out. All this part is not much census, but it “reminded me. A citizen of Arkansas raised row with an enumerator that the case was duly reported here. The citizen insisted that he should be reported on the schedule as “dis- abled; loss of arms,” because “some son of a hoss pistol stole my revolver and bowie when I was ell.” Not so reported. ‘The papers have already told how the census clerks were gathered from all over the country, but one of them from a western country local ity developed a lack of geographical knowledge that shocked the effete ones from Washington and the New England states by remarking in astonishment, when he discovered that much over an hundred enumerators had been em- ved in the Rhode Island district: “Good Lord! I should think that half a dozen or so ought to count up the whole state in half an hour. “Innocent Wolf” was found to be the head of afamily at Atchison, Kan. Indian, of course, and very appropriately named. QUEER NAMES. ‘There are some very queer names found in the schedules, and here are a few specimens: Mr. Coldmorning of Indiana is naturally re- ted as having chronic rheumatism. Lizzie mlock is not a burglar, but is rheumatic. Canine livesat Crawfordsville. John Mus- salman of Kansas is not a Mohammedan, as the Rame would apply. David Bonecutter is not a surgeon, buta Kansas farmer. Mary Taught is Properly a Tesas schoolmarm. If William splint Bot iter of Iowa isas thin as his name he could have made a match, for he is reported mar- ried. Mr. Arthur Newcent lives at Coring Ky., but is paralyzed. “George Cackle of is married; his wife probably works the name. Francis S. Freshwater, North Carolina, is rhe near Cleveland, Ohio. Wm. Freelove is an Illinois man, while Christ Lichte, who would naturally be his opponent, isin Missouri. Mr. Right and Katherine Hel- get are of New Haven. Love's Level is in North Carolina and was enumerated by T. L. Love, but Daniel Great Cupid ix reported “crippled” at Georgetown, 8.C. Peter E. Gingrass of Marquette evidently found a new way to spell pepperment. oy f THE EVENING STAR: WASHINGTON, D.C, SATURDAY, JANUARY 17, 1891—SIXTEEN PAGES. Some of the enumerators were awfully par ticular about giving all the information possi- ble, as for instance: One column of the sched- tics to be filled out was headed, “Relationship to head of family,” and a South Dakota offici filled his schedule up this way (@ verbatim ex- cerpt ) — G. Mark—Father of Horace L. rk. “Horace L. Mark—Son of Horace G.’ Pie, W. Ward—Rooms with Mr. Horace G. ark. sennlary,, Wilson—Motheriniew of Henry ton, up Charles H. Patton—Brother-in-law of Nick a. “Bernhard Pisher—Brother of Ernst Fisher.” “Hugh J. Campbell—Boarding with Fred. ALASKAS BOUNDARY. The Line Between British and United States Property is Now Drawn. HOW TEE WORK WAS DONE. ‘What = Government Expedition Has Accom- plished—Permanently Marking the Line of Mecklen.” the Dividing Meridian—Interesting Facts These minute particulars were so valuable | Regarding a Marvelous Country. that Superintendent Porter should send the enumerator an enj d letter of thanks, countersigned by the handsome and striking ‘THE LAST few months the bound- signature of Chief Clerk Childs. ILLUSTRIOUS NAMES. Not the least arausing of the census humors | is the number of namesakes of great statesmen land others long gone over to the “silent majority,” and these are by no means confined to the southern negroes, who assumed names | at choice after the emancipation. |. One a census clerk turned to his | bor, remarking: “I thought Andrew Johnson | was dead, but here he is ® census enumerator in east Tennessee. the reply. “I found “That's nothing,” was George Washington a little while a0, and I had heard he was dead. He lives in Westmoreland county, Va., is blind in one eye and has chronic rheumatism.” Andrew Jackson lives ix Iowa; John Quincy ary line between Alaska and the British possessions on its east has been for the first time definitely established, so a Stam reporter has learned. The Department of State having perceived what trouble might arise from the lack of » properly determined international boundary, made suggestions to the coast and geodetic survey which resulted in the sending of an ex- pedition to the northwest territory. The work re- quired was to mark out the line of the one hundred and ‘forty-first meridian of west longitude, this being the boundary in ques- tion as established by treaties, with » pur- pose to use the maps and data incidentally ome ; obtained for adjusting the matter finally with Adams, at Creek Center, N. Y.; Zacl 4 At Heare, Tease, ‘Thomas Jefferson, Stattord | Great Britain. This task is now practically county, Va.; Duniel Webster, Beaufort, 8. C.;| accomplished and the track of the great earth John ©. Calhoun, in West Virginia; Charles | circle through that strange region of the north Sematic® Msiginet end, Geareie—Veth is indiated by monument of stone and other J 5 Sate’ permanent signs. Particularly have these signs rheumatism in Jessamine county, Ky. One cans dat auth saccten ot wae Goaroon chee of the clerks said Clay was a ghost, for he saw his funeral here, and ghosts cannot have | are the highways of travel—most important of all, on the wonderful Yukon river. rheumatism, because they don't have anything 4 MIGHTY RIVER. to have it in. An enumerator in a western city wrote a con- fidential letter to Superintendent Porter telling | Few people there are who know that one of of one experience he had. the mightiest of the rivers of the world flows ‘Have you disease or disability” I asked | through this northwest property of the United him,” writes the enumerator. States. Between the banks of the Yukon is ‘Yes,’ said he, ‘my sight is bed; I was poured s stream of greater volume than the ississippl, and of length nearly as great. For much of its length it is from seven to four- in width. In the winter it is turned to ice, its perilous rapids and cascades con- led; but in the summer it is the most won- derfal, breeding place in the, world for water of sorts, cially duci an swans. The canvasbeck ducks of the Chese- peake do their mating there. To THE ARCTIC. Itie an astonishing country altogether, bat too near the pole to be comfortable. The coast survey expedition went north from the Yukon afew hundred miles, looked out upon the Arctic ocean and set upon its frigid shore a murk at the point where the one hundred and forty-first meridian joins the mainland to the mysterious ice-bound extremity of the earth's axis, less than 20 degrees of latitude distant. The expedition was obliged to spend last winter encamped @on the scene of ite operations in order that the latter might be continued the following summer. It was unusually cold, even for Alaska, and pain- ful privations were suffered, particularly in the matter of coal oll. Owing to the wreck of steamboat expected supplies could not be bought and for months no light was to be had during the long arctic nights. Game was Very scarce and even starvation threatened. WINTERING IN ALASKA. ‘The work of defining the meridian is well nigh completed, but the two parties into which the expedition is divided are wintering now in Alaska. One of at nt located in camp near the pitares ah omeritien eromes the Yukon, was obliged to stay, because its task was not quite finished. ‘The other was all through, but unluckily reached St. Michael’s,on the west coast, whence the only transportati to San Francisco was to lose the wounded in the left arm once, in the left side onee, and once in the right knee, in the army; T have chronic rheumatism all the time; I am subject to neuralgic pains in my ears and jaw, and my lung is affected.” . Es ‘Good gracious! I asked him, ‘anything else?” “He said there was nothing more he could think of then, but his wife up and said he had ‘total depravity, and it bad,’ and she insisted that I put it down, too.” ee FUNNY EGGS THAT BIRDS LAY. Some of Them Are Very Curious Indesd—A Few Monstrosities. 66 4 MONG THE QUEEREST birds’ eggs in the world are those of the tinamous of South America, which are distantly related to our own domestic fowls,” said Ornithologist Ridgway of the Smithsonian Institution to » Sram reporter. “Their most striking peculiar- ity is that the shell is most beautifully polished and often very brightly colored. One species lays an egg of a deep stone colorand of a polish so brilliant that it looks as if made artificially out of fine-grained rock. Other species have eggs that are pink, or blue, or green in many different shades. “Among the North American birds’ eggs perhaps the most curiously marked are those of the flycatchers, of the genus myiarchus, of which the common gray-crested flycatcher isa representative type. Their eggs have a del- icate buff or cream-colored ground varied b; splashes of lavender and other soft neu tints. The most remarkable point about them, however, is that the whole surface is marked with fine lines running lengthwise from end to end and looking exactly as if they were made " just be had, with pen and ink. in time to" lose ‘the “last "boat for citi STRANGELY MARKED. zation. waitin, for at St. Tha aggs of sous oxtalon and bleskbinde are | Michast's, therefore. The party'on the Yulon is well supplied for its coal oil and food, so that it will be compara- tively comfortable. Before next winter the entire expedition will have returned, and the United States government will be in of data on which the also very strangely marked; the markings often t hibernation with resembling in s very striking way Chinese characters and other grotesque figures. Cuckoos of the genus crotophaga lay eggs which ap] at the first glance to be of a uniform dull white, Department of 81 ‘but on close examination it is found that this | act in negotiating with Guest Beltae fre sa aan is merely a chalky: coating over the justment of the Detween ite territory When the coating is removed, which is easily | and ours. accomplished by gentle sera a pen- Knife; the shell if discovered. tbe ot very Tug epnEE meas! ‘Thongh Alasks is » cool place it will never become s popular summer resort on account of the mosquitoes. Explorers all agree that there is | are no mosquitoes like Alaska mosquitoes any- F anetwork, the blue | Where in the world. ‘They are bigger than showing in. the spaces between the lines, so | New Jersey variety and even more bloodthirsty. that the effect is as if the shell were covered | Whenever a native pauses anywhere on his a net. As may be imagined, it | walks sbroed, be immediately sets fire to thedry y p around him, for of keepin, na dice of the Calforinprtegn endo | etme tat ant dart bao its Arizona relation, the gambels is | the forests of the country have been to a great covered with a delicate pinkish bloom, wi extent dastrozed. By the fires also the game is softens and renders more beautiful the bold | rrightened off and made searce. It is believed markings on the shell. But the touch that will never be colonized to any ex- ofa finger tri this bloom entirely, owing to jo moisture of the skin. of water will me by Bhs m South America there is a cuckoo that ys tent on account of the mosquitoes. VAST NUMBERS OF Fisu. This seems pity, for there is lots of room there for an overflow population. Alaska is 2,000 miles in extent one way bv 1,700 miles the other. The icy wastes of its northern part are the home of the bear, while in its south- ern forests the humming bird neste. With fish the streamsareso crowded that a favorite method of capturing them is by thrashing the surface of the water with a rake-sha) instrument, scaly victim being often jerked out on each the moisture of the ‘A drop have the same effect. Eggs of and kingfishers are always o: and 80 highly ished a8 to porcelain. Very beautifni also are the eggs certain small flycatchers, such as the peewee 0 nited States, which have delicate buff or cream und, ex: itely re- Hoved by on encircling Land of redillsh boown or lavender spota. ‘THE MOST VALUABLE £GQ IN THE WORLD is that of the extinct great auk, a specimen of Wm. Beiseicle of Utica came pretty near be- ing eligible for a bieycle club. “Charles Hand- | work fs a Pennsylvania shoemaker. Wm. B. Bkeleton, Ohio, has lost one eye; most of his mame have no eyes at all. Because an Indiana | man i named Cooprider itis not proof that he | is illegally fond of chickens. Neither is his bame proof that Mr. Morningstar, West Vir- inia, gets up early in the morning. jatman is in Concord, Hl. Mr. Shaver is a census clerk in the Inter- Seegs bailing, and his fellow clerks are won- dering if Mr. Porter in appointing the youn; tan here was looking aheed to the next census of Washington. The strangest lot of names was reported single district in Los Angeles county, Cal., when in sequence on one schedule are thé names of James Blue, John Gray, Wm. White, Edward Brown, Samuel Green, Wm. Redd and Henry Black. "In two other districts in the | same county the curious census clerk found the following names representing the vegetable and wineral kingdoms: James Wood, George Asi Wm. Tree, Frank Cane, Arthur Pine, Bdwar Maple, Geo. Ouks, Ed. Apple, George Vine, Henry Root, James Glass, award trons, Ro- dolph Silver, James Coke, Albert Pitcher an Fred. Steel. from TOWNS AND VILLAGES. There are queer names of towns and villages also, but, while al! could be found by Isboriously Going through the postal guide, these following of my clerical is in Tennessee, as is “Mill Point” in Sullivan county, which latter seems &n appropriate location for the next physical @rgument of the pride of Boston and thg his- trionic art. “ ii : “Caraway,” N.C., if there's any. and “Hives,” all hands scratch for a living. should be a very lively place ble number of inhabitants are “defective in mind.” No financier Short,” Tex. “Accident” is not @ railroad town, though it is in Garrett county, Md. Very many of the enumerators were men who evidently would be laid out badly ina Wilgservice examination, and as most of this ¢lass were in the rural districts their own igno- Fance, combined with that of the enumerated, led them to report exactly what wus told them by the latter, and such cases were often so vague in meaning as to require correspondence with the enumerator, and that brought more funny things. Thu Young woman who “never grew,” a woman Who suffered from “accident in sleep,” “back drawn into spine” and a Texas woman who “had something” were all referred back for particulars. SINGULAR DIsABiLITINS. Here are some verbatim specimens of re- Ported disability: “Crippled in side, borned 80;” “crippled in right leg and mind;” “don’ know what—had it for twenty or more years: “right weak in the “eye half out “stuttering from bir ‘only one eve is out” [evidently thought the other should be); “ ;” “right foot absent:” “lost one y" (that reads as if the sufferer had a fal of right eyes); “statters in ”” (it should be hunted spinal cord:” “eye lost” should be advertised for); ate, speech defective;” “lost two eyes” (just as if he was a bona fide y ), and a bad case reported by vumatism, the sufferer himself as onic rhet left leg broken and not well. a 4 Nashville enumerator reported ‘all palmo- cases aa “chronic consumption,” bat he tly Las mixtaken faith in the possible which was sold the other day for $1,500. Of prong. When the nare making their way all known eggs the biggest is that of the extinct ~ Madagascar, supposed to be the up the rivers at the spawning season the beat come down in numbers and feed upon them, pete ie go fgg eating, only the heads. Boats are often muck specimens of it were recently used by the na- | /™ eir progress e finny myriads. reset thak country on versa y, ‘The ocean fishing banks of Alaska are greater for holding oF carrying water. One of them will hold more than two gallons, its bulk being equal to 148 bens* eggs or six ostrich eggs. is a cast of @ giant ostrich egg in the collection here, along- Nee next biggest gian in extent than those of the north Atlantic, and afford inexhaustible supplies of fsh, certainly equal if not superior in size and ‘quality to those caught on the eastern seaboard. Cod are found there in vast quantities. Along the Yukon the natives dry their fish for winter use, burying what they require for current con- tion in the ground until it becomes suffi- ciently putrid, when they eat it with relish, preferring it’ much in that way. Funnily enough, alligators in the south follow a very similar practice, burying their meat in muddy banks until it has become sufficiently decayed side of another taken from the egg ever_known, which was laid by the § moa of New Zealand, a bird which weighed 1,000 pounds. The original of the latter was found in digging a well. “Speaking of enormous eggs reminds me that monstrosities in that line are not uneommon. the country to mon are shaped like crook- necked squashes, with necks curved 90 a8 to resemble jug handies. We have in our collee- tion several eggs each of which contains = smaller egg complete, shell and all, within it, In short, the phenomenon is that of ‘another. INSECTS AND PLANTS. one egg being formed Double yelked eggs are very common, and when hatched they are very spt to bring into | #es#on the world four-legged ehickens. ‘these the ea their chickens live and get ‘very comfortably, | seed with great qi one small region Sec ectes lege bikie: molt a teenie the wutean nok far from Mt. Bt sticking out behind them as they walk. 2008 OF DUCES AXD GEESE. “Tt seems curious that the eggs of ducks and geese, themselves #0 good to eat, should be and not very edible. On the other iain sew birds, which are not usually re- area susceptible of high cultivation, and it is thought that even wheat might be grown there successfully. GUNENAS AND CHILCATS. This region is occupied by a tribe called the Gunenas, who are very peaceful, honest and industrious. But they are not permitted to sell anything toa white person, being forbid- den to.doso by their ferce neighbors, the Chileats. If they disobeyed the Chilcats would come and kill them. For the Chileats choose F he reported cases of a| for : i Hy ure of ‘that dread dione. A aomeag Fone sylvania Teper! claims to be crippled,” and decidedly ungailant one (to say the ieast) at Lowell, tells of Young lady es “deformed; bow legs, bed.” west coast of Alnska, havea method of their own for the manufacture of a home-made stim it. ey put # quan’ of sugar, four a: with Saher, ies barrel and let the mix- ture’ ferment. When it is sufficiently devel- oped, so to speak, they start in for an orgy. SKILLFUL BOATMEX. Another tribe on the mainland is that of the Innuits, who are most remarkable for their skill in boating. They have a sort of craft called ak,” which is covered with seal- skins, oiled und sewn together, with only one in which the occupant of the little rts himself. It requires much prac- tice fora white man to learn to sit ina kyak without capsizing, but the native paddles about in it in the roughest weather. When it rains he uts on a water-proof shirt, which is fastened the hole in which he sits, so that no water can get in. Equipped in this style he ean turn upside down in the water and right himself by means of his paddle. Sometimes, just for fun, the Innuite will have themselves thrown from high rocks, boats and all, into the sea, and will come up all right to re A PRIMITIVE. Tt ‘The Alaskans, asa rule, are not particalarly fond of bathing, bat some of them like occa- sionally to indulge in a sort of Turkish bath of primitive character. For this pu . number of long sticks are driven into the ground in a circle four feet in diameter, bein; thereupon drawn together and tied at a poin' six feet from the bottom. A small fire of wood, with stones, is lighted in the middle, and the heat is kept in with blankets spread over the framework. When ae the cinders are left and the stones are well heated, the bather takes ‘8 seat inside and proceeds to perspire. ——_ NOTES FROM THE METROPOLIS. ‘What is Being Talked About and Thought About in New York. GOTHAM’S GIANT GROWTH—MORE MONEY NEEDED ¥OR THE WASHINGTON ARCH—THE DAY OF COR- PORATIONS—KIND OF MUSIC IN FAVOR JUST ‘NOW—QUEER HAPPENINGS TO PHILANTHROPISTS. Special Correspondence of The Evening Star. New Yous, Jannary 15. WE ARE IN THE agonies of another pub- lic subscription It was fondly supposed that the Washington arch was a fait accompli, but with the facility for swallowing appropria- tions and licking its chops for more, which every architectural enterprise from a cathedral to a basement extension possesses, the arch now demands about $25,000 beyond the sum al- ready raised, and so the patient hat is going round once more with the usual begrudging response from the prosperous New Yorker. The charitable five thousand who, according to the accepted proverb, support all public-spir- ited and benevolent enterprises in this city are putting down their names once more and after the inevitable season of solicitation and scold- ing the needed sum will no doubt be secured. Meanwhile the city is rushing ahead in ite aggregate of wealth ina way to make one's head swim. According to the real estate valuations which have just been published the taxable property of the city has increased dur- ing the past twelve months to the tune—or per- haps it should be said to the symphony—of €60,000,000. ‘This colossal total has held good or been exceeded each year for the it four or five years, and that, too, in spite of suburban distractions and the virtual breaking down of rapid transit. Nothing apparently can stop the imperial growth of the city. Even the im- portations have been larger at this port since the passage of the McKinley bill than ever before. ‘THE DAY OF THE CORPORATION. Of a piece with this strong onward march of the city is the development of some of its typi- cal business houses. Within the week we have hnd three notable events in this field. These were the first annual meeting of the Claflin corporation and the reorganization of the houses of Thurber, Whyland & Company and of W. and J. Sloane as corporations. Ihave named the three leading houses of their respective classes in the country. ‘They are now all joint stock cor- porations and, as such, indicate a tendency that probably in another ten years will land the majority of vast business firms on the same footing. WANTED—SOME WORTHY Poon. Listen to the tale of woe of a philanthropist! A Indy of this city very well known in the literary world, and also for her kindness of heart, became interested a short time ago in an old couple whom she wished to secure against want by providing them with a home in one of the retreats of the city. To accomplish this it was necessary to raise #500. By strenuous ex- ertions the Indy was able to collest. $400 among her frien To raise the balance she wrotea note in one of the daily papers, which, rather to her dismay, elicited immediately not one but two hundred dollara. Her problem then, like that of Uncle Sam, was how to get rid "of the surplus. Much of it had come anonymously, and even where the donors were known in most cases they declined to take their money back and left it on deposit for use at the lady's discretion. ‘Thus with a smiling face at her overflowing coffers the charitable woman opened to her clients the friendly vista she had made possi- bie for their declining steps. But she had not studied the problem fully. Just at this mo- ment a wealthy relative appears on the scene and vetoes this fine plan of mercy by taking the poor relations under his own wing. This hopelessly complicated the question of how to dispose of the fund and at last accounts the almoner of mercy was thinking of advertising for ‘respectable, aged, indigent females,” to mote the discriminating title of the Old ‘omen’s Home here, who would aid a philan- thropist to get rid of'a small competence. RING OUT WAGNER; BING IN VERDI. The town was treated to a genuine sensation today in the announcement that the reign of Wagner was over at the Metropolitan House, and that for one, and perhaps two years, Italian and French opera would again wear the crown. The invincible Abbey is the Warwick that has brought in the new regime. It was supposed that Abbey had had quite enough of opera at the Metropolitan, as a few years ago he succeeded in sinking ‘about $200,000 ina few weeks’ season there. But all impressarios have a Phonix-like character. They fairly seem to revel in flames and rise from the ashes with a smile that outshines the Cheshire cat or Ah Sin. Abbey's proposition is for sixty per- formances of French and Italian opera next. ‘winter on a scale of unexampled splendor, Mr Stanton retains his directorship, but his duties will be confined to running the machine after the supplies have been furnished by Abbey. All the parties interested explain that the change is not on account of any lack of devotion to the “music of the future,” but from a desire to hear what other schools have been doing of late. ‘The simple fact is that opera in New York city, outside of a very narrow public, is not acultus, much less a religion, as in Germany, but is sim- ply a fashionable ‘amusement, and the ver; essence of fashion is change. Who ever hear of any frock or bonnet remaining in fashion for six years? Why, then, should we have a longer epoch of German opera? Let us to the Italian, just as we change from full to tight sleevs nets up and or pi jown. crowns of our bon- ‘The change, now that it has come, explains several te _experi- ments which Mr. Stanton made to supply his fashionable patrons with musical novelties. He served up some very strange dishes, in the hope of satisfying this craving for what was new, but the trouble was too radical. The German yein was for the time exhansied and 99 we are to ve # complete change in singers and repertory. THE Kocm DiscLosEes. The disclosure of the secret of the Koch remedy has not surprised the medical fraternity here, as its nature was pretty well surmised by THE OYSTERS FATE. A Somewhat Gloomy Outlook for the Luscious Bivalves. PIRATES AND BAD LAWS. How the Natural Beds Have Been Stripped— DitMculties of Effecting Protective Laws— ‘The Situation Along thn Shore From Rhode Island to North Carolina, | es OF WASHINGTON’S host of epicures after tempering the already delicious fia- vor of a plump well-to-do oyster with piquant condiments and swallowing it with gratifying relish know or stop to think if they do know of the precarious and gloomy aspect of the future of this most delicious of shell fish. Like the once lordly bison of the prairie the succulent bivalve of the sea coast is being gradually wiped from existence by an indiscriminate destrac- tion—by a willful disregard of the laws of the country and of nature. The commercial oye ter of today is neither so numerous, so large nor of so delightful flavor as it was, even only afewyears ago. For the past twenty Years it has been gradually decreasing in sup- ply and quality and soon, it iselaimed by those who have studied the s 2ject, its very existence rather than condition willbe a question boldly facing the public if something is not accom- plished toward stopping the ravages of a per- sistent and rapacious foe. OYSTERS ARE SCARCE AND GROWING SCARCER, and consequently poorer in quality and higher in price, because the natural beds are being stripped year after year of both the young and old—the parent as well as progeny. Schemes have been devised and laws enacted to prevent this wholesale depletion, but it seems imposai- ble to adopt a suce method or enforce a justly protective law. The present outlook, therefore, of the oyster future along the At- lantic coast is gloomy. Nothing but wise legis- lation and the prompt and_ persistent adminis- tration of authority can prevent the ultimate extinguishment of the finest oyster fields in the world. Oysters are found all along the coast from Maine to the tropical shores of Florida, but nowhere in such perfection or flavor as in the sections adjacent to Washington, from the Chesapeake to tteras. For many years con- servative and prophetic minds interested in the Preservation and culture of the bivalve have foreseen the danger and raised the signal of warning. Many of the states have enacted laws for its protection and propagation, but they have been either too strong oF too weak to prove effective. THE WHOLE QUESTION appears to be involved in the protection of the oyster rocks or natural beds from wasteful and illegal dredging and in the encouragement of artificial propagation. This seems » small matter to socomplish froma common-sense view, but it has proved s very complex and difficult thing to adopt measures acceptable to the many interests affected—planters, dredgers, tongers, dealers, &c. At present the dredger seems to be standing aloneas the bold bad man who is creating havoc by seraping from) the rocks everything and returning nothing—from the yearling spot to the hoary shell candidate for ‘market "The “oyster. pirate,” as he is termed, is an anarchist in the business, rel) for immunity with impunity upon’ well-in- tending but defective legislation. It is upon him whom the toy navies of Virginia and Mary- are continuo’ jing warfare, and now sud. then ‘wo read of sonee mere oho bere been captured after a hot battle, tried, fined $50 and turned afloat to proceed, though somewhat more carefully, with the nefarious work. As there are yet seed enough left the le salvation appears to be in artificial culti- tion, and the states interested are now mov- ing toward that end, and the final result de- pends upon the enactment of comprehensive 8 them. the sovereignty of a state in enforcing IN THR CULTIVATION OF OTSTE3S. ‘The seed or small oyster from one to two years old is taken from the natural oyster rock and planted in suitable “‘under-water land,” as it is called, where it remains until for market. The ultimate object of each state owning oyster lands it is evident, is to pre- serve these rocks for seed oysters and encour age planting, but for some reason the legisla- tures have found difficulty in framing laws to meet the purpose. The laws or the methods of administering ‘them have invariably proven futile, and the cultivation has been greatly handicapped and retarded by roving dred; who proceed without fear of law or the thought of future production. Upon any of the oyster vessels coming into Washington, in al- most any of the store houses of the dealers here can be found oysters so small and indifferent as to be hardly worth the having—seed stock, in fact, which ten 0 would have been promptly dumped back into the water as soon 4s taken. ‘WHAT 18 BEING DONE ABOUT IT. ‘The general tendency of state legislation is to, sell areas of under-water land to planters, open the natural beds equally to all for seed- ing oysters and protect the young oysters at all bazards from the depredations of piretical Gredgers and tongers—in other woras to pro- vid Se ee ee ation—for it has finally come down to'cither t or total destruction. The state of Con- neticut was the first to adopt this plan and has eclipsed her sister states and accomy wonders in the past fifteen years. Lal under the same difficulties the area of her natural rock had dwindled down to 6,000 almost barren acres. She went boldly to’ work, had these surveyed and marked off and reserved as acommon for all her people. The balance of the under-water land was sold under a petual franchise for the cultivation of and nearly 100,000 acres were sold at $1 ‘The ciying. Thousssida of ler poords are ow Ranges te woasustaa ef Teer peorie are sow oyster dealing where hundreds were before and anannual nominal tax is a in a hand- some revenue. The chairman the shell fish commission of that state says ina report that “but for the ravages of the starfish cultivated oysters could be sold in Connecticut for 25 ‘The re; of 1889 shows that in 1888 25,000 bushels of the choicest were shipped to Liverpool and London. THE LITTLE STATE OF RHODE ISLAND however, did not manage so well. She went ul- policy. She adopted a plan which was gated about the some time in ¥ which has proven a failure in both instances. ‘The lands were rented to planters and loove laws enacted, as will be seer hereafter, for the protection of natural beds. The result, ac- cording to an official report for 1889, was that the of that year was barel) to give cera rg eg SE ait ach. Re unas of seashore is languldhing* gees etth- out the saying. ‘THE GREAT STATE OF NEW YORE has adopted the perpetual franchise system, and, though recently done, reports already show an encouraging outlook. Those who were e ed in the cultivation of the o; the act ‘were allo tse under-water lands uj cents per acre, it afterward cot worse, and today succulent saddle rock in its native ity and luscious- gone. ge # it iF i { Hi iff | 3 i i ef ES E f & ft i He di Hi ; i! | F § f i H Bs tH i " f i i f i s 5 s 5 iJ | be culled where taken prohibits the planting of these small oysters in other waters. PLANTING I8 THE GREAT OBJECT aimed at. The law will have to be made indis- putable upon that point before it can be made ‘the natural rocks for private beds will rte the rocks as rapidly as any other way an: de- ive a large class of oystermen of legitimate Eibor.” ‘The plea made in bebslf of planting is that but 2 small tion of the eced orsters are needed or be taken for poses. But take all different—and the packers do the culling, throwing the small and useless oysters into shell piles, where they die or are burned into lime. Asa certain portion of the year is set apart for teed oysters int Maryland waters it is held that gathering the young for that purpose should be confined strictly to that season. | Nearly every legislature in the past twenty years has had to tackle the question and doubtless all that follow will have to do the same. THE VIRGINIA SYSTEM. ‘The oyster situation in Virginia territory is still more deplorable. If in Maryland but a short while back « commission reported—as it did—to the legislature as the result of a care- ful official examination that “the state beds had fallen off 39 per cent in three years” what would such a commission have to say in to those of Virgi She is undoubtedly feel- ing more keenly thun any other state the dim- inution of her once bountiful stores. Twenty- five vears ago it was estimated by Auditor ‘Taylor that there were at least 600,000 acres of tae, natural beds or rocks within the limit of longing exclusi' to state. Oy ters were to numerous in these beds in 1652 that it was necessary to pasa a law prohibiting their being burned with their shells for lime. Gov. the reconstruction governor, after the close of the war was at his wits ends to raise sufficient ue for the needs of his administration and he fell upon the scheme of taxing the oyster industry. The levy was suffi- cient to raise what he wanted, but so badly were the laws framed that the expense of col- lecting the tax was immense. It took $2.40 to get $3.60 into the treasury. not satisfactory and the siate began to and continued realizing a lessening revenue as the natural oysters scarcer until 1875, when the law was abrogated for another. the laws have gone on changing and the state receiving a decreasing revenue proportion- ately as the rocks were being farther exhausted until now it is actually confronted with » de- SEED OYSTERS TN VIRGINIA are a commercial commodity. The area of the natural rock within the tidal James has been the most prolific of any bottom in the state waters, but the natural oysters have become so scarce there that the price of seed oysters there has risen 300 per cent in five years. This advance is a reliable reflection of patos in other sections. At nearly every point in the state—except Norfolk—where oysters have been packed in any considerable quantity the industry has ceased to exist. Norfolk was enabled to hold her trade last year by the persistent violation of the laws of North Caro- ina,upon whose waters she drew for her short- age of supplies. THE PRESENT LAW OF THE STATE holds all natural beds and under-water land in Possession of the commonwealth, and requires planters to rent the lands under water for cul- vation, and pay an annual rental that is equal to tax’ upon a $60 valuation of each acre as well as. tax upon the value of their planted oysters as other property, and in addi- ion an income tax upon their earnings in ex- cess of $600, if there should happen to be such thing as an excess under such drag-net legis- lation. Beyond all this tenure can be termi- nated by ‘the general assembly at any time without a day's notice, so far as legal require ments are concerned. ‘Of course, oyster culti- vation is a dead letter under such conditions— and all the whilo the natural supply is being rapidly wasted away. A compromise measure was patched up at session of the legislature last winter granting the planter a fifteen years’ tenure, but the governor withheld his signature on the ground of inadequacy. The next session Pill find the 8 legislature tinkering with the it is hoped by oystermen that something germane to the necessities of the rod sections, and his so iegiistare aett December will oubties Present some valuable suggestions upon the subject. ‘TRE GREAT TROUBLE with legislation in Virginia, as also in Maryland and other states, is that the great majority of those having the tion of the oyster ques- tion and the difficulties attending it in hand are gentlemen little acquainted personally with the exigencies of the situation, and their delibera- tions are pulled and twisted by so many diverg- ing interests that they feel themselves incom- petent and therefore reluctant to take a bold and emphatic stand in any direction, and the result is invariably a patched-up or compromise measure, and which as invariably makes mat- ters worse. ‘THE MOST PROMISING FIELD now contiguous to Washington, if, indeed, not the moet propitious of any along the Atlantic coast, is in the territory of North Carolina. This’ state seems to have taken a leaf from the history of the experience of id is not waiting for the impoverishment of the natural beds to wake up and find the eleventh hour at hand. The legislature caught time by the forelock and before her vast natural beds had attracted special attention had them sur- veyed and set apart for the use of the people in common, threw open to the world 800.000 acres With the Phonograph. WHEN HE HEARD THE BAND. ‘There Wasa Circus Somewhere Near Sure— All the Horns In the Beeswax—Uncle Re- ‘mus and the Cook—The Imitation Negro AGO the husband of the lady 4% whom Uncle Remus calls “Mies Sally” car- ried hora phonograph or graphophone for the edification and amusement of his famil There were several cylinders with the ma- chine—one or two comic solos, some pieces bY ® military band,a banjo solo, the chimes of Trinity Church and some blank cylinders for experiment. When they had all enjoyed the performance of this wonderful invention and had been duly amazed at the vivid reprodne- tion of the slightest shades of sound, the lady of the house thought of Uncle Remus, who was engaged in repairing the grape arbor in the garden. She placed one of the unused eylin- ders in the little machine. set it in motion and | proceeded to talk into the receiver, imitating ‘the voice of the cook. The result was a di Uncle Remus was the subject of discussion. In at the door. He bad dropped his hat on the back steps and as he stood bareheaded in the attitude of expectancy, with « half humorous expression on his weather-beaten features, he cut a figure that was not without its pathetic tions. i you sen’ for me, Miss Sally?” he in- quired. Yor,” said the lady. “I've gota little ma- chine 1 want to show you. Come over here. Now stand there and put these cups over your cars. Sally, what kinder contraption dish yer?” the old man asked, examining the ear “Please ma'm don’t play T been — skittish all you gwine ter do? My fer me right now, en it got ter be ‘done dis blessed day—ain't it, “Marse john?” ‘The gentleman appealed to pretended to be playing with the children, and made no re- you are losing your mind.” sai the Indy. “Pat thore things over your ears.” . ‘Miss Sally,” protested Uncle hemus, ain't got no time fer ter be projickin’ in here. I been knowin’ you ever sense you ‘uz born, I know right pine-blank youer fixin’ fer t git me in trouble. Deze ver fixin's is holier, en I dunner what dey inquired you going to put them on? the lady impatiently. “Miss , fer de Lord sake lemme go out yonder en do my work. Tain't use to no kinder arness like dis, mo’ attin’ blinds on my years. Till put um on,” he continue. seeing that protest was useless, “but atter 3 git me hitched up, I'm sholy gwine ter break sump'n, en 'twon't be my fault nudder. I tell you dat now. Uncle Remus adjusted the tubes to his ears and his Miss Sally started the machine. First came the announcement of the piece in av that sounded like it had been dug out of a tin mine and hardened by th It was so startling by near that Uncle Remus, whore politeness is a part of his nature, dodg: his head and exclaimed “Suh!” rolling his eyes at his Miss Sally. Then the band struck up and the old man seemed to enjoy it immensely. He shut his iddenly opened them, as if to eyes and ther. still in the neighbor- hood. Presently the band concluded with the usual crash. and Uncle Remus drew a long breath of relief as his Miss Sally stopped the phonograph. “What did you hear’ she asked as the old man took the tubes from his ears and pro- ceeded to examine them more clpsely than be- fore. He looked at them inside and out and then fitted them to his cars again, but he heard nothing. ‘Miss Sally,” he exclaimed, “I wish you'd lease "m tell me wharboute deze yer pipes ter?” jht to the phonograph here.” eve UP phonograph this little machine here. “Ub-uh, Miss Sally! Dey may fool you, put Idone been yer too long fer dat. Day can't fool me. De ter een’ er deze yer pipes ain't so mighty fer fum de circus. I dunner whar- bouts de circus is, but wharsomever de show's agwine on right dar is de t'er een’ er dem ar pipes. You ax Marse John dar, en ef he ain't playin’ no prank on you ‘long er dish yer con- traption he'll tell you de same. When I go home ter night I gwime ter holler at my old ‘oman: ‘You Kathern! wake up fam dar whar you settin’ noddin’ by de chimbly jam! up from dar! You say yo’ Miss Sally de smart- est white ‘oman in de Nunited State er Gergy en yit yer she is done bin fooled by dem town folks.’ Dat des zackly what I'm gwine ter tell ‘er, en I boun’ you Maree John’'ll b'ar me out in it, ‘won't you, Marse John?” ‘Uncle Remus rattled this off so rapidly that the lady had no opportumity to interrupt him. At last she said, with some show of vexatior of ander-water land, not natural rocks, for | the cultivating purposes. These she sclls at 25 q into the industry also, but upon a different cents per acre under a perpetual franchise for galtiation. An abundance of seed oysters can judging from the general expres- sion of opinions of oystermen, probably a solution of the whole question. ‘THE INEVITABLE OYSTER PIRATE has made his appearance asa matter of course amid the “pastures green” of orth Carolina, Peele Tay Save Egan ie ven Terry in this state, thor, Fowisontys few Gave pa ag e jure, fal consideration.” He recommends Popes ‘one | the officers fe sieere “Here is your ring. Thereare your presents. ‘Leave me at percent tion or in | Pi Uncle Remus put on his “ ined the cylinder closely and then looked at his Miss Sally curiously. “He shook his head slowly ashaaee “Miss Sally, I bin knowin’ you sence you wuz a little bit er baby, en I ain't never hear you gwine on dis a-way befo’. I wish you'd Please’m tell me how dat ar brass ban’ gwine git in dar. De ban’ what I hear in dese je big horn en de base drum in “lone ail de yuther horns, en pintodly tells me dat ef dey waz all ter it ar thebang dar dey'd bust Now you know dat yo'se'f, Miss Sally. ‘The lady wanted to laugh. but, instead, she tacles, exam- = UNCLE REMUS AT SEA. The Old Man's Laughable Experience | # little while the old man made his appearance | um go ter de chain gang. You hush up en’ ge on “bout vo" business. A little later, @ben “Miss Sallie” was attend- ing to affairs in fhe dining room, the cook took occasion to remark. “Miss Sally, you better make dat old nigger man keep his mouf offen me. wine crip- him, mon, ef he don't lemme ‘lone. Is you ear what he tell me dis evenin’?” “What was it/” asked the lady, feigning igno- rance | “He come ont here, he did,” aid the cook, scornfally, “an' say dat I wus settin’ my cap fer bim, kave you all had ‘im in de settin’ room dar showin’ ‘iim de picters. He de sassiest ole nigger I ever see.” ‘The Imprompta Charade-Party. From Londen Punch Scuxn.—The Lirary ef @ Cowntry-Howne; the tables and chairs ave heaped wath brovedes, draperws and properties of all kinds, of the Ladive of the company are trying on, while the men hack browns for a eustarie Word. In @ secluded corner Mr. Nrowris- GAL and Mins Kose are conversing or Manager and Orgamisen— u d). No but T may, really, you know, we must try and decide on’ something | we've been out half an nd the people will be getting impaticnt Ladies.) De come and help: it's reall ve dressing up till we've settled what we're going todo. Can't @nybenty think of a good Word? Miss Larkspur, We ought to make a con- tinuous story of it, with the same plot and through. We did that onoe at it was awfully good— just like | a regular Comedy! Mr. Whipetor, Ah, but we've got to hit ona got an idea? | Nrowrns over here, | Fou kne = Rose have eu putting your hen Mr. Nightingale of the sort Words. com fused Eh? No, nothing Ob, ab— yes we've thought of = Only you've driven them all out in ds ay | They roewme their conversation. Wall, do make a muggestion, some- esor, Won't you give usa Word? Lads. #0 little experience AWord has just oc to me. however: I don't know, of course, whether at will meet | With approval—(he beams at | pride through his spectacies) donous.” Chorus of Lontirs. Charming! Monocottle— Ob, can't we do that? Mr. Wh. (duhiously). what's it mean? Prof. Pollen. Its signifying a plant shaped leaf, oF seed-lobe termed— Mr. Wh. ‘tece how we're going to act aplant with ‘one seedlobe myself —and then the svlia| “mon’"’-“oh"-“eot”—"till” we shouldn't get done before miideight, you know! | Prof. Pollen. (With mild pique). Well, I merely threw it out asa suggestion. I thought it could have been made amusing. No doubt I no doubt. We might—but—er— imple botanical term, hh one cup- Plants with treo are 14 | boge, ch? Let's see how that jam”-"booge.” How do you see it rourself? (Mr, FLixprns discorers, om reflection, that doven't see i, and the suggestion is all Miss Pe Tvean idea. Familiar! “Fame”-"il you know [Chorus of applause. Mr. Wh. Capital! The very thing—con- gratulate vou, Miss Revs Mr. Setive But I my, look here, Teuggested that, vou know, and you said——! Mr. Wh. (4 What on earth dors it matter who suggests it, so long as it's right? Don't be an ass, Serre! (Alowd.) Tow are we going to do the first eyllable “Fame,” eh? (Mr. Serres suike. Mr. Pushington. Ob, that's easy. One of us must come on asa Poet, and all the Indies must crowd round flattering him, and making «lot of him, asking for his autograph, and soon. don't mind doing the Poet myself, if nobody else feels up to it. [He begins to dress for the part ty turning hax drvss-coat inside ont, and coe way of a turban anda Liberty sash, indicating the eccentricity of genius: Latics adorn themscines with a regard to realism, and even more care for appearanes. Arren THe Finst SyLLanue. The Performers return from the draw mared by forint apple ally, that syllable, You might have played up to mea little more than you did ‘others. | You let me do everything | Miss Larkspur. ‘You uever let any of as sa word in shington. Because you all talked et once, that was all. Now then. i” TH bea celebrated Doctor, and you all come to me one by one, and say you're i—see? [Altires himself for the role of a Physician in a dressing-goren and an old yeomanry heimet. Mr. Whipster (huffily). Seems to me T may as Fell goand sit with the andience—I'm no use Mr. Pushi Oh, yes, Warestee, I want you to be my confidential butler, and show the Penile, W. accepts vine to showing (Mr. W. —sith a to Posurxotox that other people ean act as weil as he. AFTER THE Srconp SYLLABLE. for vou to make all those long soliloquies, Warrster. A Doctor's confidential servant wouldn't 80 much! Mr. Whipster. You were so confoundediy solemn over it, I had to put some fun in some- | Mr. # Well you might have put it where | someone could see it. Nobody laughe@ Professor Polen. 1 don't know, Mr. Pus. INGTON, why, when I was describing my toms—which Ican youch for as scienti correct —you persisted in kicking my legs ui the ‘48 unprofessional, Sir, and Mr. Pushington. I was only trying to hint to you that as there were a dozen other tofoliow, it was time you cut the interview short, | Profeswor—thet one syllable alone bas taken nearly an hour. Miss Buckram. If Thad known the kind of question» you were going to ask me, Mr. Poss TxoTox, 1 should certainly not have exposed myself to them. Isay no more, but I must tn fe i i f i i ». Ie it. There; settle the Word yourselves! Arrex Tre Worp. Amore THE Avprexce. I