Chicago Daily Tribune Newspaper, October 27, 1878, Page 3

THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE: SUNDAY. OCTOBER 27, 1878—SIXTEEN PAGES NEEDLE-MOUNTAIN LIFE Fall Vagabondage Among the Clouds. 2 -4 Hining District—Wash-Day and & Los 184 of Flannel. - The Boarder Who Demanded Both Ham and Bacon. Special Correspondence of The Tribune, Caup CuICAGO NEEDLE MOUNTAINS, Col., et 25—Bya winer who zoesdown the Animas S alier povder snd fuse, we are able to :,x,, commupicate with the world. In my last ; omised 10 give the result arrived at by the e geutiemen who were here testing the markable claims put forth by this latest-born of B¢ fl“-f:c assaying-furnace, this mountain- ,-...fl: ‘bas eiven forth its precious secret, and roved that its lon silence lhias been golden. The distcts 8 comparatively small one, composed of & mountain-r2ogethat bows around {he head-waters of two branches of the Val- Jodto,Jolwsow’s Fors and. the Florifejda. This e does 1m0t embrace’a district more than three miles square, and yet contains prob- sbly MORE LODES +than Lave ever before been discovered in a sim- {iar compass in Colorado. The surface of the moutains is gcamed with - miveral-bearing eins, the surface-ore of several of the largest of which assays from fifty to 2,000 ounzes of silver to the ton. As the veins are some of them large, and have generally shown a steady improvement 25 depth has been aecured, the ex- citement bereabouts is ruuning high.. Specimens have been taken out of the minc which would assay farup fnto the thousands; but, belng simply specimens, and Dot an average of veins, are oply used by the miners as pocket-pieces. From present indications, the names of some of 1be mines here may soon be as familiar to the public ear as Comstock and Consolidated Vir- ginia. To add to the excitement, two railroads —the Atchison, Topeka & Santa Fe, and the Denver & Rio Grande—are mow running pre- Jimiuary surseys tp the valley, a few miles dis- taat, aud the sanraive miner can slready hear the imaginary whistle of the coming train. The fast few wecks have wrought a change yere, With the discovery of the precious metals in quantity, MINERS NAVE FLOCKED 1Y, and the mountain-sides are staked over like hue hop-patches. A district has been orgav- fzed, and pumed Camp Chicago, in honor of comé geotiemen from your ety who were smang the first-comers. ~ A fair basis for all tuis enthusiasin can be found in the fact that tiic old Consolidated Virmnis, which is the jdeal by which a miner swears, only turns out ore averazing $40 per ton. Notwithistuindinz their golden dreams, a mwer's life is not all that fancy paints. We e had enough rain bere to form an ocesn, and are interested 1o kuow whether the Pacific rose materially augng August. 1t was not a rain such as you know down along the levels of Mother Eartl’s crust. Perchea, with pick and oade, on our peaks at 18,000 1cet, the half of the waters under the carth that was sent aloft on that day of old is wently lowered until it rests, a flat, glassy roof, with the crags for sandards. Then “something is pulled some- where, and you cling bold of the nearest rock to KEEP FROM BEING WASIED AWAY. Your compauion, Who 2 moment ago was hold- ine up 0 picee of $200 ore, with a smile on Ins expressive countenauce, is now a queer-looking fish, bobbing opposite o you ina huge aqua- num,—bis unkempt locks streaming out like sex-weed, 23 he wrizzles ana twists to get under some projecting stone. The tiny stream, that a moment ago Wwould gearce Teceive your eup, is now rolling bonlders along its bed, and tossing them from cataracts with a muflled boow that sounds distant, although at your very feet. So shallow is this deluge that, if the time is evening, and you can hold your nose sufficiently tight to prevent its being made a fanpel of by 1lie water-spout, you may gaze upward and sce thestars twinkiing clearly, and 2lmost thrust your band fnto the clear, rainless air. Two miesaway, in the valley, the fields remain dry; and toe ranchman who lours for what we get, ot wishing it, wust snatch a supply through bis ditches from our mountain:fed stresm rac Dgaway 10 the sea. i One of these sudden storms PLUNGED Ok CAMP INTO NMOURNING ltweek. Itis the custum of the honest miter, far removed from tbe cffeminate in- Suences of Wasberwomen, to carry bis flannel shirt to the brook, and anchor it there, of a Sunday morning, witi stones. 1f he e rich, aud the possessor of two, be dons the other. I not, be butons bis jacket ' more tightly, and sits down on the warm ade a Tock until noou, when, the stream havinz done a preliminary rinsing, sogn is introdueed, and the matter foished. Sunday last broke fair and cloudless, and the miners in the valley broke for the silvery creek with their flaunels. There was to beno dlimbing of the mountains on this blessed dag, but a general devotion to reflection and &xp. The scenc wis one of rare beauty, tizhtencd by the honest and contented faces of the bearded miners as they wandered away {rom the banis of that crystal stream, Alter despositing their precious bundles. At 10 O'dlock the well-kuown muflled roar came down bz monatain-side, breaking the peace of the sull Ssbbatirair. 'Every miver jumped to his {eet, and fled with the wings of despair for the Water; but TIHE FLOOD WAS THERE BRFORE HIM. Aroarine wave, bank-high in air, and ont of the foun of which iamiliar and toil-worn 2tms were beckoning, went _dancing Sun the - incline to the Vallealo. In = fow brief moments the bappiness of a ®holecamp had been wrecked, ana there was 0tahamict in the three square miles where g\lnny—sncks and horse-blaniets were not un- erpaing conversion the balance of the day. I Jard one irreverent fetlow, with a long beard {}lflkihm 1ants, humming. as he bustoned his _;\f‘lu a hole bigher aud turned sadly away, B lunged in a rulf of dark despair, without & ‘"n“ SLirt Lo wear, We poor and needy cusses L any Chicagoan thinks of tryi 1 rying 8 Rocky- Mloustain jaunt slons 1his Pacific Slope, let i ™ LECT TN MONTH OF SEPTEMBER. bragio L season s then ciosed, the air is - m&ud the mountains are in_ their bravest i ‘i'nu The heads of the boldest crags are ot drosted with fresh suow, and their waists of Autnre dashed witn the brightest colors ok mlglmsn s brush. A peculiar eflect is given P Slope by the seattering character of e esclation coloring the mountain-sides. Eflmlntnk and pines are in groves of e e the dark squares of a checker- srimsonedine Jhese are fields of tiny, With prpeaved oaks, tbree or four feet hith, i) u;msllls‘;i:fl‘w quaking asps, and a multi- Tr0dt-nendly bs that 1ake brilliant hues from e ctlings. The colors are more virid g os¢ for which the Hudson is famous: ed squares of ues, where tardy flowers ang erass ick Ly erass are a thick m‘;vtxo unknown lakes, wheze the gtill waters ot l%h apart by tbe sudden blow of the o e fall of the fly. " Up alonethe quiet show oy m:n?::hxfi;)smfl‘ wbnré black*tail deer E 1y Cr's as i Little bigher, atong the m:; wt‘:.‘ezl}f iR — ROCKI-HOBXT.H:V‘ SHEEP € A 2ud ekip away at a Joug shot. There mounten, n;:pmssmn extant rexarding thisacute hrow Ijnopper, 10 the effect that he wall o ::vmsm over a hight of forty or fifty fect, 'nn?im on his horns,—ihe Jatter being as mh'm!\-m “nd?ref{nl io their circular twists as the Possessime | Jich unprincipled young meu, i nz’ larze mouths aad small heads, rhood, e Widnight-peace of a neigh- Yoal, b IS sheep, which possesses no e flmzs looger legs than an antelope, i 8 Dotling sheepish but the names is Torty-foor o0k 28 thehunter behind him to turn e vg.fi‘ :I?mcrsmlu; and, if cornered upon a fump on oW bimeelf 1o be shot rather than e Crits thirty-foot face. He will, how- b l.h’};x-nm-uaa to twelve jeet eitherdown or o 2 the ledzes on the mountatn-side, with by u_n. aziiity, and turn a corner so quickly tajf, 20 sizhis out.of ten obtained are of his I our fall.vagabona ;i PREPELS THE VALLET, i S5, will bis spiked shoes and an_oceasfonal ‘.hm““, Teach the fevel of the strawberry-beds, Torat :fl;hlnmasth(‘ bears bave left lifts as fthsta, lead a5 the cultivated Wilson. Not- Rrons, dmfl_ng tie raids of birds and beast, the o will be red under joot. The air hus llg {rom a mountain-top’s bracing October whofe F:‘L;-x::n“-!unc.h The zvrg i&llumlu, it(hc iroug) g 4 thousand mijes “:n.‘, , are as different asif a Ges 1y0y Lhe centre of the valley always thun- age of the adjacent mountains, forming a grand highwa i y for the trout that visit :;_,‘e. i}:nnvc!l streams.” Along the Vallecito, I.h 103, and the Adimas, Nature has striven at the funtasife when working for the angler. THE POOLS Jay in the hollows eicit our of the 6 y ol rock, Iike marble batls cut for a Bhant’s cootium. b these the water pours foamiue; but, toward the Jower end, while eddying around like 3 mod- erate whirlpool, the surface is quiet enough 1o make the crystal ten feet ot depth seem 8 scant finger's breadth. You look down upon a polished bottom of solid rock, sumetimes green, sometimes red, and otten 4 mixture of both. Over this the leopards of the Water are scattered, 28 if restivz upon an un- der-water meadaw.' Stretched out upon the red franite side-wall, ten fect above, you peer over the edge, and drop a leader with two fies. It's ;'lorlh'n trip to set those apparently-fast-aslecp cllows come up; and the chances/ are in fa- vor of C TWO FAST ON THE INSTANT. Out of filty taken, the average will be close upon a pound, and threes and fours are com- mon enough. d In a stream some twenty miles from here are some pools rendered famous by cight- and ten- pound fish, aud infamous_from a Posey County (Indiaua) lanalord, who has the only rauch in the viciuity, and peculiar notions apout the way torun a hotel. Thereare but two kinds of food kouwa to his roush pine table,~ham and bacon. A mop-headed youth, who came West to wrestle with the asthima, acts as waiter, and bas become noted from the sincerity with Which he formu- lates bis master's ultimatum—ham or bucon. A sbort time since, an unfortunate little man, with ameek eve and a pateut fshivg-rod, betook himself to the tavle of our host, aud, in re- Sponse o the query, “*Hmn or bacon?” wur- mured, “sorn!™ Bystanders have remarked since that it was a sizht to sce when those bold words smote on the landlord’s ear. *Such presumption bad Bever been known in those dizgin’s aforc.” Seizing a carving-knife in one haud and a “‘mavy” " in the other, he strode to the middie of the room, and, glarivg alongz the startled eaters in_ search of the clutton, thuudered out, *Show me the scoundrel that said ‘Both’! The asthwmatic attendaut, who Wwasawan of peace, beut for- ward at this critical juucture, and said blaudly to the calorit, * What!ll yer i1l yer teeth witt, boss?” And that bad man replied, with a sint cerity that was appalling, * Lither; never was particular.” - But ~the lanalord still clings toitas a fact, und narrates it 1o this day, that ' some presumptuous cuss—probably a” stuck- up cditor—tricd to be hoggish with him opce.” 1n 2 few days we shall TURN OUR STEPS EASTWARD, and climb the Minvie Gulch Pass to the Atlantic Blope. The Professor takes with him a formidable array of scientiic facts, and 8 jackass-load of vredous specimers. Over on ihe sunny Rio Graude we expect to release ourselves from the summer-cucasement of three beavy flannel sbirts and thick English walking-conts, and become fairly thawed out before reaching Del Norte. Siuce the st of July our days have been spent almost continuously at an cle- vation of over 13,000 fect, and our bighit-camps just within the edze where trees can exist,— 11,500 feer. At first the. 6,000 lift at Denver, and the §5000 at Del Norte, were trying. At our 13,500, fast walking can never bécome a popular amusement; yet our lungs, though they were like a puir of bellows if a brisk eait be attempted, bave wained a meas- urement of three inches, 4nd are GOOD FOR DOUBLE DOTT EVERNORE. We are “chuck-full? of the eternsl hills, with their Lunting, fishing, aod that sort of thing, and eager to embrace civilization with an argor boru of long absence. We bave scen mines that are going to be the wonder of the world ere long, ana measured bodies of ore that an old assayer of the National Mint, whom we mect, declared could wipe out J. BJs and Jonathan’s debts to- gether. Many large fortunes are being made, and many more will be in 1579, throughout the San Juan rezion, by sbrewd men who USE THE SAME JUDGMENT in. buying a mine that one does af- ter his initial experience in purchasing a horse: have one or two experienced doctors and a judgre sit on the animal Girst. Otherwise, in the combination of capital against knowl- edee, they will come ont as did Haus in the cele- brated case, where the Dutchmsn put into the firm $6,000 in money, =&nd tae partner put in the experience. = At the end of three mouths the case was reversed,—tlie part- ner having the monoy, and the Dutchman pos sessing the experience. W. E. W. EURCPEAN GOSSIP. SIGHTS IN MOSCOW, Letter to Doston Aatertiser. The treasure which is kept at the Russian palace at Moscow is-one.of ithe most futeresting sights. One sees there all the crowns of the Czars of Russia from the time of the first Ro- manoff, also their sceptres and coronation- chairs, many of them presents from foreign sovereizus. A magnificent chair of carved ivory was given by the Sultan of Turkey. Here, too, arg the coronation-robes, sparkling with jewels, aud an immense pair of boots which belonged to Peter the Great. Many of the ancient jewels, pecklaces, bracelets, ear-rings, etc., are Kept hese in a glass case. In a large hall, arranged in differcnt gmroups, arc all the presents which have ever been made to Russia by foreign countries; silver tankards, mother-of-pearl bowls, amber orea- ments, and all kinds of magnificent things, as well as manv common ones. Here, as in every corner of Europe, sre souvenirs of Napolcor. fis portrait, in full Emperor’s robes, 1s hung in oneof the rooms, and underneath it are the beds on which he slept when he was in Moscow. These are in & hall which is devoted to ancieut equip- ages and saddies. Two_of the latter were seut by the Sultan to Catherine IL., and are covered with pearls, emeralds, rubies, and other precions stones. This Empress used to ride astride, dressed in male costume, with_her hair floating over her sboulders. Perhaps the most curious thing of_all is an old carriage which was sent by Queen Elizabeth to the Czar Boris Godanuil. He implored her to come aud help bim drive the Turks out of Europe, Whereupon she sent him word she could not do that; but she made him a present of this carriaze, on the front of which Boris is represented conguering the Turks. The palace is inside the Kremlin walls. Some of the roomns are as large and handsomeas those in the St. Petersburg Palace; the halls of St. Alexander and St. George are particularly fine.. The ancient part is curious; the ceilings are low and supported by rafters that a tall man can zouch with the tand; but rafters, ceiling, and salls are covered with paintings and decol tion, The rooms which the Shah of Persia oc- cupied are_exhibited.—but ke did not sleep on the bed, he preferred the carpet. The only wWay to get about comfortably in Moscow in the summer is to walk where one wants to go. The streets are paved With cobble-stones, and these Russin drivers have no mercy on you, but rattle you relent- lessly over the stoucs at therate of twelve miles au hour, so you are fortunate if you do not get a beadache for the day. As for conversatiom, that is utterly impossible in a carriaze. But what & capital place Moscow is for ladies to shopin! Opposite the Krewmlinis the Gastin- ni Dror (Strangers’ Court), an immense square block of two-story buildinzs. A walk skirts all around the four Sides under an srcade, along which are ranged various booths. In all direc- tions run narrow, dark mysterious passages, and 25 vou follow thens along you ficd them lined ‘ith shops of every description. The building is all covered over, and is paved with stone— sutters ranning in the middic. ‘The walks are obstructed with boxes and merchaudise, not to mention beggar-children who sing out their Story in o very plaiative way. Tre shops are emall and mean-looking, most of them not more than six feet square, and the wares which are exhiited are extreaely common. Bat once Jet the merchant koow that you understand what vou are busing, and he rummages in all the dark little corners and brinzs out mo end of treasurcs, in the shape of old silver mugs ana tankards, clains and* crosses, brocades, fine Russian' laces, unset emeralds, torquoises,and aquamariues, besides strings of real pearls. and quantities of Tapis lazull articles. He charges a ood round sum for his goods, but will take wuch less; sometimes half. _A specialty of Moscow is the Taperanache work, which I have seen nowhere else in such brilliant colors. This, however, is ite expensive. y qu’l"‘l;:eng:mhn by the laht of the fiill moon is a eight which pays for many weary days of travel. - Every dome in the city stands out with wonderfai distinciness, and ali the delicate zilt crosses glitier m the soft light. Theu the river winds sbout the city like a great suake, with the hundreds of gas-lizhts on its banks reflected :n 1the water. There are more than 1,000 churches in Moscow. DUBLIN STOUT. Phttadelvhta Ledger. St. Patrick’s Cathedral is probably the Iarzest charch in Ireland, snd is a beantifal structure, which was not long sgo reconstructed at the ex- pense of Sir Benjamin Lee Gainness, vho paid about $1,000,000 for the work,—an act of munifi- cence which hasenbanced the Dublin veperation of brown stout, A. Guinness, Sou: & Co. being 1ne grreat brewers here, and being known.ia the remotest parts of the world, wherever their sin- gle or doubie stout may have penetrated. A visit to the brewery will very well inspire equal veneration in ‘the stranger. Ivisa brewery covenng forty acres, compactly occl pied by brew houses, malt floors, stables, ing and clearing rooms, aud, vist as the estab- lishinent is, it {s evidently not large enough for its growing trade, as there Is building another hugre brewing house of vast dimensions with the necessary adjuncts. Everything necessary to the trade 1s constructed ou this ground, even the water being pumped from its own well, over 100 feet deep, and the latest appliances are in use for every part of the work. Machin- ery does almost evervthing, and yet 1,400 men are employed iu the cstablishment. A railway siding cnters the works; a special narrow-gauge railway with five locomotives and 100 cars con- nect the different parts of the brewerv and transports the casks to the quay on the Liffey River, iu front, whence they are snipped on nine steamers to lower portions'of the river, where they are transferred to the shipoing; and 130 horses are necessary to draw the wagons serving the town. and providing other transportation not covered by steam. The extensive stables are among the great curiosities of the place. Each horse has a wide stall with scparate hay and feed boxes and drinking basin, supplied by a separate faucet. On the wall above the horse’s name is inscribed on a plate. _The brewing capacity of the works is about 250,000 zallons daily, and for storage prior Lo shipment, 150 vats, each holding nearly 100,000 galions, are used, and vet there is uot enoush room. Everything is done on the most enor- mous scale.” There are acres covered with machines washing, steaming, and drving barrels. of which over 450,000 are in use, and_long lioes of pipes filling barrels. Every thive is utilized. ‘The waste which tlowsover the bung when the cask is fitled is run into drains and pumped into vats. ‘The yeast tkimmed off 13 put under o vress drained of every drop of beer, and then, when ina condition rezembling oil-cake, is sold to distillers, who manage to extract spirits from it. Su vast an establishment is well caleulated to i;:ueuse apy one’s vewcration for brown stout. g A FRENCH PARADISE. Honcure D. Comcay in Cincinnasi Commercial, It requires little more than twenty-four hours from London to reach Tours, and yet the differ- ences of all kinds—moral, mental, climatic— are vast enousn to make one feel as if he had gone a thousand miles southward. The place where 1 bave the bappiness to be a guest is about a mile out of the City, and it almost realizes one’s dream of Eden. The beautiful chateau, 1ronted with terraces ornamented with carved stonc¢ railings and urps filled with flowers, looks out upon a garden of several acres whereof every square foot has made its coutribution to the geueral glory of sumimel “The trees are so laden with Iruit—pezrs, apri- cots, purple and golden plums—that. their Dbranches must needs be buttressed. Grapevines festoon every wall as ivy docs in Englaud, and the clusters of various shades in tint are sus- pended like taseels to alovely tapestry ; one teels almost Oriental enough to have to compare an oceasional cluster to the Pleindes, The gold aca silver fishes glitter in their fluwer-fringed marble basin where the fountain plays. Nearly every tree of which one ever beard is growing in this garden, aud their jnterlacing branches frame an endless archi over every pathway. The trees, flowers, and fruils which might be barmed during the winter—which it is said visits even Tours—yet flourish gloriously in huge boxes, and Mignon wmight Lave found here the lana where the citron grows. Beaeath my window are the swelling oranees and lemons, and no end of figs and aloes; and it is but fora little time in the year that these need be trans- ferred to the comservatory. A hundred yards in front of the garden flows the Loire, whose beauty is conzenial with the scene. Amid banks covered with grapevioes gs far as the eve can Teach the crystal river runs over a bed of sand, —no trace of slime or wud in all its neighbor- hood,—and ou its side we pitch our bathing- teut each morning, and cnjoy its sparkling flood beueath overhanging wiliows. Yet the sum my fri=nd pays per annum'for his paradise— house clegantiy furnished, large enough for his numerous family, stables, out-houses, orchards and all, even including o wine-press—is just $500. Yair still wine (white) costs ubout eizht ceuts the quart in any considerable quantity; the finest red costs 12 cents the quart. Cham: pagne ranges from 30 cents the (quart) bottie and 423¢ cents to 60 cents—the highest price. ‘The villas are connected with the city by omui- buses and tramways. The city has o superb opera-house. oue of the finest iu Frauce; a mag- nificent library, and a perfect market. THE FUTURE IMPERIAL FAMILY OF GERMANY. Mrs. Hooper in the Bultimare Gazette. And speaking of watering-places, 1 have been told thut noue of them have done well this year owing to the counter attraction of the Exhibi- tion, thus vroving the truthof the reverse of the saying, that It fs an ill wind that blows no- body any good. The exception to this rule bas been Hombourg, which hts been very full and very animated for a European watering-place. It was graced moreover by tac presence of roy- alty, in the shape of the Crown Prince and Priticess_of _Germany, the Princess Mary, of Cambridge (the Duchess of Teck), the Grand Duke of Mecklenburg, and_some lesser lights. The Crown Prince and Princess, with their children, led a life of exceeding simplicity and domesticity. The young scions of German imperialism used to 2o out riding on_stndry small_donkeys—that is to say, that half tne little Princes and Princesses rode, while their mother and the other balt, whobiad no donkeys, ran after the riders to keco up with them. Evidently the Princess Victoria is following in the footsteps of her mother as reeards the domestic training of her children. One day the imperial party started for a drive up the Salzburg, and when _quite. near the summit their carrisge broke down. What was to be done! The distance was too great to allow of walking, and to scod one of the servants on oue of the carriage-horses down to Hombourg for another carrizge would insure a long and, for the children, a perhaps injurions delay. llowever, the Prince was on the point of dispatching his messcneer, when a peasant passed. driving an immense hay-wazoo, Instantly realizing the situation. and recosniz- ing the Imperial party, he sprang from bis scat and implored them to make him the proudest and bappiest farmer in all Germany by metting into his wazon and permitting bim toarive them home. The Royal pair Jauzhed and consented. The whole pariy were accommnodated with seats amid the fragrant bay, aud in this guise the future Emperor and Empress of Germany, with their augzust offspring,” as the paners call the little Prince and Princesses, came riding back to the swellest watering-piace in all Germany. Too wise wus the father aud mother to risk the health of their youue cbildren by long exposure to the damp mountain air, for Tear of compro- misiog their dignity, The Princeand Princess are even passionately beloved by their future subjects, and the cheerswhich greet them whea- ever they appear in public are as heartfelt as they are deafening. My informant happened to be in Heidelberg on the anniversary of the bat- tle of Sedan, aud heard * Die Wacht am Rhcin cung by thousands of people in the market- place, au imnosing and interestiny ceremony. e —— Bismarck and dis Police. Paris Correspondence Boston Journal. Meantime the mutterings of the Socialistic storm continue. Prince Bismarck scems deter- mined to push 2 vizorous camjaizn aginst the tribe of conspirators, but he has already met with sharp opposition. Some very amusing sto- ries are told about the police agents employed to preserve Bismarck from any possible attacks during his recent visit to' Gestein, where the Chancellor has been to make a cure. It apnears that it was next to impossible for any one to walk anywhere near the aliey in which Bismarck was promenading without finding himsclf shad- owed by two or three gentlemen of the detect- ive profession. Now Gastein is in Austria, and the Austrians mot only do not feel particalary well disposed towards Prussians, but arealso especially opposed to Prussian police agents. Oue day a bather who found his way blocked by one of the agents shouted out to Bismarck, who sas near by, * Your men spoil all the pleasure of the bathiers.” Bismarck did not like this, and sent bome two of the most indiscreet of the agents. But not long afterward another adventure occurred. An old wzentleman, an Austrian, was in the babit of . promenadinz 3 shaded alley with his right = hand thrust into the tail pocket of his coat. A prying police agent had scen this for some days, and one morning, unable to control himself, he pounced down_on the astonished Austrian, violently pulied the hand outof the pocket, and shouted : “We'll see what you earry so mysterionsly ! But of course he found nothing. = <On, you will, will you#” said ‘the Austrian, strikine him a fearfal blow in the face. **Take that, and remember that you are not in Prussia, and if you ever bother me again 1 will thrash you within an {ncb of vour life.” The police agent retired somewhat discom- fitell” - 2 Arithmnetical, Burdene. A man met a Burlington boy walkine toward town on the Agency Road, eating an apple. ‘- How many apples have you!” asked the man. The boy replied, **One-half as many apples as have'eaten, added 1o twice as mauy as | am go- i to eat less hve that a bizZer boy took away from we, divided by Uso-thirds of the bumber I dropped in the orchard when I saw the dog, plus six which I ate on the orchard fence belore the man saw me, will equal onc-fifth of all I tried to get.” How many apples @id he have? GOSSIP FOR LADIES. A POEM WITH A KEY, it City Derrick. 1 Mery bad & littie lamp: Her lover, ali screne, Extinguished 1t, for he did not Want any caress s Solution.—Let « equal **caress,” and z plus y equal **caress scen;” then plusy plus n will equal **kerosene, " and we have the answer thus: Extinguish it for he did not ‘Want suy kefosene. 1. When ary saw the Jamp pat ot, She screnmea: **O dear, it's dack("” **But bright enongh, " her lover said, **With delizht of a spark.™ Solution. —Let g equal -*delisht.” and k plas g equal s hyphen (-), when g plus & pins @ will equal **de-lizht, " whicl reduced fo United States means ttihe highl.” Note—a) The word **dehght " re- fers to the jogs of courtship. (&) In souie coun- trics **spark™ and **courting™ arc synonymo terms. Therefore— g **But bright cuough, " her lover said, *¢With the light of a ¥park.” IIL What makes the youth love Mary so? T'll tell you—she's a catch And he put aut the lamp, you know, So he might strike 8 watch. Solution.—This is very simple, and can be solved by mental process. The young mun extineuished the lamp 20 that hie could have the fun of striking & matih and lighting it apain. MA’M’SELLE AND THIE SOLDIERS. Paris Puper. TIn a little garrison-town. Mlle. Nathalie lives at No. 11 Main street, and Mlle. Nathalie bas the tinest eyes you eyer saw. She peeps from bebind the curtaius whenever the (roops pass. ‘The Colonel has noticed this, and, whenever he passes No. 11, he does not fail to make his horse prance and caracole, 50 2sto set off his rider’s fine tirure aud bearing to advantage. The Major has also noticed this, and, when- ever he riaes past No. 11, his charger rears and plunees, but obeys the rein of the rider that sits bim like 2 demigod. ‘The Captains are 21l smitten, 2nd their horses pravee: aod most of the Lieutenantsare affected by Mile. Nathalie's bright eyes, and their horses walk past No. IL on their hind legs: indeed, many of the troopers have felt a similar passion, and their steeds caper and caracole as they pass. One day there is a grand review. The lo- specting General is highly pleased with the ap- pearauce and conduct of the troops, whom e heads on the march back to barracks along Aluin strect. Arrived opposite No. 11—hoop-la! hatf of the reziment’s horses begin to dance und paw Lhe air aud stand oo their hind less, while the eyes ot all the gullaut riders are tixed on the window of Mile. Nathulie. Not even in a areus were such feats of horsemauship ever before beveld. The Colonel, somewhat shamefacedly, recol- lecting that this is not an ordinary occasion, curbs his charger and glances towards the Gen- eral, expecting a wigging. Wonder of wonders, that gray-haired old martinet hus tickled his horse with the spur, and, while his animal ca- pers like a 3-vear-old, has bis eye fixed on the window of No. 11. “Bless your soul, Colonel,” says the aged jor. “didn’t you know I served here as a Lieutcuant in 184687 WOULDXN’T SPOIL TIE RECEPTION. New York Correspondence Courier-Journal, There is u fashlopable woman in this ity ‘who aspircs to be a leader, and entertains fre- quently and handsomely. During the lifetime of her busband she issued fuvitations for a grand blow-out. Her spouse was abgent at the time, but there was nothiug unusual iu this. He was a mere cipherin his home, and, likemany busbauds a la mode, enjoyed :himself in a sep- arate and differenc manuer from the way in which his wife filled up the days and nichts. Suchbusbands bave 2 most " provoking way, Jiv- ingor dead, of being marplots, always doing things which interfere with-the plans of his wife. What could be more inopportune than to be frustrated in giving a_bali'when the prepara- tions had progressed us far as foral decorations, eaterers and cooks hard at work, and at the last and most critical moment 1o reteive a telegram announcing the death of one’s'hasband? Fora momwent the giver of the ball seemed to be dashed by the news, but fstantly recovered her eclf-possession. She felt, ‘that her duty to society was paramount to any sefish indulzence 't that his death shuu,lr} geeur 50 iuoppor- said that her guests wonld be grieved if they learned of the calamity’ before they had dauced and eaten the sup prepared. At once she telegraphed for theFemains ot to be forwarded for a few days, but the telegram was noc recewved fu time, aud while the revelry was at its hizht the ladv was notified that the corpse bud utrived. Prowptly she ordered the bor to be carried out into the'back yard, where it remalned until worniug, when the affectionate wife, havine slept off the fatiirues of Ler enter- taiument, ordered the box to’be opened and the dead husband to be lnid out in_state, and crape to pe ticd'on the door. The withered flowers of the feast remained to decordte the coffin. All of the proprieties were observed, and the fash- fonable woman’s friends found it diflicult to de- cide which was the most elegant, the soiree dansante or the funeral which go quickly fol- jowed. This story was told ‘me as a fact, and the lady still shines as the giver of clegant re- ceptious. 3 THOE FATE OF A FLIRT. Youngstowen Register. The Pittsburg Exposition is over for this year, but there is one thing counected with it that will be read with interest here. Rather a good- looking couple from the country boarded a train here the day before the Exposition closed, and with a numberof others wen: to Pittsburg. Ar- riving the atrl met au old acquaintance, with whom she soon became uncomfortably (for the other chap) friendly. She und her Pittsburg friend stuck ther like wax all day, viewing the suzhts, apparently oblivious of the fact that ber escort wus around. When tne bour came for starting home she went with ber Pittsburg friend to the depot, and hung upon his arm until just before the train started, her escort, the while, looking very much displeased. They boarded the train, she takivg a seat just behind him. The conductor tapped her on the shoulder for * tickets,” She leaned timdly forward and sal “Tickets, John.” *Tickets be d—d!” said Jobn. “Get your ticket from the fellow you trolluped around with all day.” . This was followed by loud laughing from a number sitting near, some of whom had been watching the girl’s movements during the day, and she had to go down into her pocket lor the necessary wealth to pay lier fare to this city. A PERSISTENT LOVER. At the Jarcin des Plautes, Paris, a voung sculptor, who was studyiog auimals, made the acquaintance ot a pretiy and piquant nurse-girl, who, however, threw lim overboard aud took up with a soldier. The desoiate youns artist thereupon took to writing upon all the walis the heart-cry, “1love Adele,” boping that it would mect her eye and toach her heart. ‘The willful girl, determived to escape this perpetual re- proach of her perfidy, at last made her habitnal resort the iron benel in front ot the rhinoceros. “The seat could vot be written on, and there was no watl. Here she and her soldierswould sit by tbe bour, watched from afar by the jealous and distracted lover. At lst they came at the usual liour, and the faithless girl glapced at the huge and ferocious ammal. On its horn was carved a heart, beneath which were the words, * 1 still love Adele; am waiting at the duck-pond.” How could a wotnan’s bieart resist this? Tears came to her cyes: in a mument the soldier’s arm was_eucir the smbicut atmosphere; and the nursemaid said to her youthful charges: “I‘Cume, my dears, let us go and sce the pretty ks, VESTS. < Norrtatoan Derald. It is given out that ladies will wear vests pre- 1y like the gentiewen’s this winter. When a married 1au goes to bed be will have to put a chalk-mark on his vest, or next moroing he may slip on bis wife's, and not discover his mistake until foserts his thumb and forefinger in the right-hand pocket for u “piuch of -fine-cut, and finds nothiug but a piece of chewlg-zum und the stub of _a short bluck lead-pencil. ‘Then be will suddenly remcmber that there was a roll of ten-doilur greenbacks in the left-hand pocket ot his vest,—that is, if heis an editor, he “will,— and he will rush buck home in Rarus time. HOW BRAZILIAN WOMEN CARRY o TIHEIR BABES Correspondence Louistille Courier-Journal. - Pana, Sevt. 30.—The work among the Indians is done almost eutirely, by the women, who start out early in the morning with their babies astride their bLips, baskets balanced on their beads, and pufling like 2 dimunutive_ steam- engine from small clay pipes. The walk Is often three or four miles, and the work hard et o loug life of this drudgery seems to render it casy, ‘and they make mo improvements. Their fmplements “and methods arg, crude, and, Iike true lndiansin a vatural stite. they are but. regetitions of their progenitars. The cus- tom above mentioucd of carryiniz babies on the hip is as peculiar as it is uugracelul. The body is thrown "much to one side, asinthe act of carryiog aheayy weight in the right band. For instance, the child sits astride, and support~ ed by the encirciing left arm. A more uncom- fortable-looking method could hardly be de- vised, and vet the journey to and from the mandioea plantation is always made 1 this way, a baby being the proverbial accompani- ment ot the Indian household. AMERICAN SHOPPERS IN LONDON. American women have gone shopping at the We_st £ud of London too often. A draper’s assistant writes to oue of the morning newspa- pers that a whole family will frequeatly cater astore and begin inspection, * being sublimely oblivious to the disarrangement and trouble they give.”” If every parcel is untied, the con- tents of every box and fixture turned out, and the counters piled to the ceiling, tucy uever express conceru for the trouble and work they occasion, to say nothing of damage to goods they overheul, and, having seen every article, they coolly glide off their scats, aud, without a word, take their departure, or, by chance, they ocensicnally will remark, “They *guess’ they will look over other ‘stores,”and *calou- late’ they will call when they are amain pass- ing.” doubtless repeating the same tratifying assurance ab every shop they make free use of. The suzgestion is thrown out that the London tradesmen would better plant sigus in their sbow-windows assuring the public that * No Americans are served here.” THE OMITTED ¢P. 8. Detroit Free Press. Yesterday aftérnoon a boy about 12 years of age called at the Post-Office, and desired to se- cure a letter which his mother had posted an hour before. He described the euvelope and dircetion, but it had already been sent away in the bagr. The lad seemed 50 anxious avout the missive that the clerk finully asked him if tt was a2 matter of lite or death. ¢ That's exactly what it is, replied the boy, as he turoed a shade paler; *you see, ma writ to sister and forzot to put down: ‘P, S.—We are all well;” and 50 my aunt won't know but what 'lr.\l!"th family are'dead and the other half dy- ing. “Ican write that on a postal, and send it along after the letter,” suzgested the clerk. **I'grucss you'd better,” replica the boy, ss he teadered @ venuy: * ’cause. as long a5 we ain't dead, there’s no use in worrying my aont apout it. Write just like ma does, if you can, and don’t get it S. P. jnstedd of P, 8.7 = WIIICIT? Cincinnati Times. A certain Tittle girl up-town lived with two aunts, one married, witha whole lot of children, and lots of worry and bother, and the other single, and having quite a comfortable tunc = school. The child had contrasted the respective situatious, but was not old enough to understand the difference in the position of her two relatives. One day she. threw her doll aside, and assumed an attitude of profound thought, which was interrupted at Jast by the question, ** Well, Julia, what are you thinki about?” When the cbild let loose a ten-acre lot full of crude philosophy by answering: [ was finkin whevver, when I growed up, I'd teat stool or have a baby!? NO NONSENSE ABOUT MER. N Zrop Press. A short time ago there came to Lansingburg a Salt Lake lady to pay a visit to some fricods and relatives. When she left home her husband had three wives including hersell, an@ she did not see any immediate prospects that the num- ber would be increaséd; but she received a let- ter from ber lord and master only a few days ago, tu which he foformed her that he nad found another lovely female, av imported woman, and takeu her into the flock. Did this model woman “take on” when she read this letter! Nota bt of it! She sinply smiled and then quietly remarked that sbe hoped the new wiie would love bim as much as sbe did. ‘ DIDNT WANT IT. Cineinnati Breakfast- Table. “1s there 2 letter here for me2” asked an an- cient female of,a Post-Ollice employe. Inquiriug ‘her name, the obliging clerk answered: “ Yes, ma'am; pine cents postage due on it, too.” *Yes, sir. Would vou be so 2ood as to read it for me?" The obliging clerk opened tlie billet, which proved to be cleven pagesof foolseap, and, alter patiently wading through it, the olc lady arew a long breath, and remarking, * Ail right, young man; 1 don't believe I will take it,” ‘walked out, leaviog the astonished clerk with the voluminous document aud & nine-cent post- age bill on his hly-whi FEMININE NOTES. The Western wits now call bigamy Utab-lizing the femate sex. Best thing to do when you go shopping. with 1adies—Take notes. A man’s ambition is to be credited with some greay feat, while a womau is only bappy with small feet. And 0 we go. Tao much balcony, and not enpurh Komeo, is what is sendiog thousands of America’s fair daughters to an carly grave. Stort steeves are iu order, but you canoot maice the girl with a mole on her arm admit that site thinks the style is a good one. She was @ stubborn woman, sod when she diea ner husband pianted 2 willow over ber grave, so that even in death she might have a witlow ’f her own. Webo Hayes' Fremont girl lives two miles out of town, aod many a Surday night has Webb-footed it out there to see his little duck. innati Saturday Night. The School-Board—Mistress: *“Now, Mary, you will see that the work is all properly done in time?” Mary: “Yes, ma’am, il othing should intervene to impede.”’—ZLondon Fun. A womau, hearing a great deal about *‘pre- serving autumn-leaves,” put up some: buc af- terwards told a neighbor they were not fit to eat, aud she miglt as well have thrown her uLAr away. , “Maria! Maria! please let me in,” said a man to his wife, who was looking out of the window watching bim trying to open the door with a tootipick. *‘sli tread on my key, aud it’s all flattened out.” This is the season of the year when the night- air is particularly dangerous; but the girls face deatn at front gates with the same heroism which has always been one of tne chiefl adorn- wents of the sex. Never tell a blonde younsr lady that you wish she bionde to you.—Iackensack Iepublican. Such puns wou't Dear toleration. There was a drunette a man once for no worse offense thau that.— Yonkers Gazette. A gentleman, being threatenea with an infee- tious fever, said to_his little son, who in an af- fectiovate mood wished to embrace bitn, “ You ‘mustn’t bug me: you'll catehthe fever.” Wille, standing back, fooked with amazement uoon his papa, who, by the way, is a pattern of propricty, and quickly asked, * Why, paps, who did you hug?? —— The Bottom of the Sea. New Yurk Gravhic. Here is an cud of all romance about hidden ocean depths. We can specalate no longer about perils i chambers of pearl, ot mermaids, or beaved treasures and dead men’s bones whitening in coral caves. The¢ whole ocean fluor Is now mapoed out for ns. The report of the expedition sent out from London in her Majesty’s ship Challenger has recently been published. Nearly four years wers given to the examination of the currents and floors of the four great occans of the world. The Atlantie, we are told, gl drained, would be & vast plain, with a moua- tain ridee in_the middle rupning parallel wih our coast. Another range crosses it from New- founalaud to Irciand, on tho top of which lies a. submarine cable. -The ocean is thus divided intothreegreat basins, nolonger * unfathomuble deptbs.” “"The tops of these sea mountains are two miles below 2 smling ship, and the basins, according to Reeius, are fifteen miles; which i§ deco enoush for drowning, i not for mystery. The mountains are whitened for thousands of niles by a tiuy, creamy shell. ‘The depths arc red in color, heaped with vol- canic masses. Torough the black, motiouless water of these abysses move gimatic abnormal crtatures, which mever rise toupper curreats. There is an old legend coming down to us from the, first awes of the world on which these scicntific’ deep sea-soundings throw a curious hgut. ~Plato and Solon record the tradition, ancient au: toeir days, of-a country in the Western-.seas ‘where' flourished the first civilization’ of mankind, " which, bv_ volcanic action, was_submerged and lost. The same story is told by the Central Americans, Who still celebrate, 10 the fast of Izcalll, the fright- {ully cataclysm which destrored this land with | its stately citles, De Bourbourz and other archreologistg assert that this iost land extend- ed from Mexico beyond the West indics. 'The shape of the plateau discovered by the Chal. Ienger correspords with this theory. (What if some keen Yankee should yet dredze out from Its unfathiomed stime the lost Atlantis! CURRENT GOSSIP. THE SPIDER AND THE FLY. )As told, sub rosa, on the Yocht America, by Gen. Lutler 10 s son.) Come hither, now, my Jittle sou, 8nd look me in the eye; You may be shocked to find it cocked, but kindly pasa that by, ; And listen to the story of **The Spider sad the A cunning spider made a web, and, when the web wis 6pun, Hard-tisted fics came loafing up to view it in the Bun. **That spider must be awfal smart!" exclimed most every one. 440 working flies," the spider said, O hordy- handed flies, . Don't haten to the! other bugs, they'll only tell you lies; But choose me for your Governor—you will if you are wise. *‘I'll show you how to spoil the ants, those sobez-minded fiats; To circumvent the butterfli those proud aristo- crats; D:lu:y)‘::le_lbmy bees, and put a head upon the nats, : **Hurrah! " cried out the little flies, **let’s make . him Goveraor. With him arouud to give advice we won't be caught o more By allfik papers on the shelves or traps upon the oor. " *+0 spider, " eaid a captions fiy, **T hear you run a yacht on't o down." Ex- clauned the spide ot ! I sold lt Iast yeur to myson. Excuse me. I do noL™ A 82, a, *4'Tig zid that you invest the fands you hold as & trustec. Inlecherousbonda. Thatwill notwash with insects sucu as we. " 440 fle!" the apider said, and wiped & tear-drop € “¢How wany fues 3 Spider has! That yarn isall o apider,” sala a doubting fy, as Glthy us & 40t course it excluimed the swarm, and squelchied the douuting ily. Some onest-money buga who tried the litle fles el That. spite of nil his specious ways, the spider was B mell, Were styled by a blsspheming iy sa ** sy tmps _of helit™ *¢You lop-eared pelicans,” went on this Kesrnal- miuded ty, ** You educated bilks, get oat!™ agd all the dirty T and sald, 3 ciauped their horny hands, Hov"s that for hight® Al round ab~ut the web they danced, and. when the day was doue, - Ten thousaud of their corpuses were bleaching in sur the sun. ©+501a! " cricd the spider. **Whata gug] Sold! every son of & gau!™ Iam that spider, little son; the workingman's a y. Just follow me. aad you will go to Heaven when you die; For though my ootic’s cocked, my 8on, there's no green in my cye. ~Harvard Lumpoon. ELI INTERVIEWS JOAQUIN. Et kans {n Cincinnat{ Enguirer. Joaquin Miller sauutered iu ou e to-day with his new book, published in Loadou, “Poema on Italy.” On the cover is this line: With love 0 you and yours.—J. M. 1 opened the book, and on the front leaf I read in tie seraggy haudwriting of the author: *The man who read this book last had the amall-pox. “What did you write that in there for, Joaquin?” 1 asked. «Well, 'm sick of giving away my author's copies, and I'm bound to keep this one.* Alittle while afterward I asked -Josguin to tell his early story. ““Came,Jozquin, ' said, *'tel) us the truth about it, for they tell so many storles about you. In fact, two young ladics are telling arouny that you were born in Cincinuati, Where your mothur died, leaving you 3 batful of dumonds, and—" « Yes,” said the poet, laughing; *I aften tell them that the diazmond | wear is a family relic, because it is the easiest, but the truthiisa Zreat way from that.’” +Theu tell us the truth!” “The solemn truth? ™ “Yest? “Well,” commenced the poet; “I was born on the buuudary between Ohio and Indlana, Dot many miles froi Richinoud, lod.” % *Inatown?" L asked. “There were uo towns then. It wasa wil- derness.” Dig vou work on a farm?” “THere were mo farms. It was all woods, with now and then a clearing. Al [ean remenm= ber is going to scuool and ing on a hemtock slab, with 1our sticks stuck in h{ ing Cobb's spetling-book, and looki great fire-place. Yes, I also remember sap- boiling in the woods and the sugaring off,—aud, by the way, 1’m writinit a play now - With a sap- boiling scene in 1t.” “Well, what next2” “Next we moved West, My father started with four yoke of oxen for Oregon—?" *+Orezont ™ % Yes, Oregon. We used to travel about twenty milesa day. Many a time we've let the wagons down a rocky chifl with a rope. We went West past Omaha, then on through Ne- Draska, then nortn tilf we came to the Coluw- bia River, and down the Columbia River we floated the wagors on rafts almost tu the Pa- driving the oxea along the banks.” Tow old were you then? «Qb, 150r 16 I shall never forget those oxen.” said Josquin. **Thev had been travel ine west for six months. They were nothing but skeletons wnen we ot to the Pacitic Ocean. But what do you tuink they did? To show you the force of habit, Ill tell you. You know every morning we used to get up those boor old oXen about G o'¢lock to move on. Atttr a while they came up’ themselves. Well, when we got to the ocean, what do you think. those oxen used £o COmE Up Lery morning ubout & o'clock, walk down 10to the Water, look loagingly aad wistfully toward the west snd low. Thev fmrly longed togo ou west, and finally, 1 believe, fatber ticd them up for fear they would plunge into the ocean and swim toward Japau.” “ Wuut happened then ¢ Afier we'd been in Orezon about a year, some Mexicaus arrived with a drove of horses which they sud they had driven through from Mexico. These Mexican devils Jooked hund- sowme, and another boy aud I decided to go dack with them. 1t tarned out that the Mexicaus stole sume of their horses from the Modoc In- diaps. Two days out tie Modacs captured us and killed all the party but the boy and me. We weren’t considered worth Killing, They took us to their camp, and their [ lived for four years. It was here among the Indians that [ earved all the poetry tnat I ever knew. learned their queer, siort way of expressiug things. Ilearned the languawve, and can speak it now better than Eng) Here, among the squaws, for I was tuo_frail to 10 out to war, or to steal—here, £ say, I learned all I know of sublimity or grandeur. Here I watched the stars, heard the Indiaus talking about rhewm— heard their vague, grand thoughts about God aud heaven and the great hereagter. Ob, I am agreat thief! How [ have stoicn fdeas from the Indians, and how I love them for it.” *¢ What next?” Well, I finally left the Indisns and went back to the white settlements, and—"" " *Met a maiden and fell tn love with ber,” I interrupted. “ Noj that is something I cannot talk about. You know the rest of my lifc. 1 wrote a book of poewns. It fell like lead in this country, but it was repablished: in England. praised, and I found myself famous 5,000 miles away from my bome in the Sierras. Then | went to Europe— weng twice, wrote more books, plays, etc., and here 1 am, but never so happy aswhen I watched the heavens and beard the thuoder from the camps of the Modoes.” s ‘When the poct got throuch his story he was Iytng ou a sheepskiu rug, with bhis head over his arm on a hassock, lookine at photouraphs gived him by the beautiful Mrs. Lanutry, the Jersey Lu‘;;‘.’ 0. whom d'poem 10 his new book is dedi- PARIS ‘EWSPAPER WIT. i New York World. “He ‘ig well fized,” sald one young man of another; * be -hos 1o need of deaths’in the famigy.? .0 e e Simple - Servant-maid—*‘IV’s funny, ma’am, how much more oif your lamp burns n winter thau in summer, and yet it is always put out at 11:30, and I light it at the same time, sumier and winter.” Mistress—** At the same hour, sumnmer and winter?? 3. S.-m—* Yes, 'm; tne moment it begins to wet dark.” Jille. Cora Diamant— 1 aiw thouzlit I had aliking for the httle feliow, but it was only when e wave we this love ot 2 earriage thac T felt that iy beart hua spoken.” At the restaurant: *Hi, waiter; I say, this turbot 15u't fresh. Why can't you wet me some like that 1 had the “day before vesterday *That’s where you fool yourself, Cap,—it's off the same fish. Got you there Captain to highi-private in the reserve—** Yoa are supposed to be a seotinel on the advanced live. and you see ouc of the enemy coming to- wards, bearing the white flag. What would you do?” Defender of the country—* Fure at him and fal! buck o the picket.” They were playing at cards, when all of a suddea the game was interrupted, angry worls passed, and the pluyers arose: **See here, yowre holdivz altogether too many aces.” *What do you say, sir?”? “I say yon are a swindfer.” “ L willcall vou to account for this unpardonable insuit.” “Iamat your service at any time.” “ilere is my card. sin” (Throws dowun, by mistake, another ace which he draws from his pocket.) At the Barriere da Trone, X. hails a back and says to the driver, ** Drive me to Auteuil.” *To Auteuil — — — —my— — — eyes to —— 117 replies the dismusted coachees * Come, let us*reason together,” says X., Dleasantly. **Suppose vou were nota coachi- man, and you found yourself here,and you want- ed o gotn Auteuil, what would you “do under similar” circumstances—i le: itto vourself, puw!” Wy, 1d birea hack, but I ivouldn’t take this one,” yells the driver, _Bing constantlv busy, the worthy advocate bit upon the ritliant " device, when any une kuocked, ot nine the door und saviuz he wasu't in. This meeious plan succeeded wou- derlully for a while, till along came a clicnt who kuew bim. * \Wnat#” said the elient, * you suy M. X. is not in. Why, you’re M. X.7 hat’s the way with you people!”? said the worthy faw- yer. iu'disgust. 1€ a chit of a servant-giel bad d L wasn't in, you'd Lave betieved her qui Iy cuouzk, but when L teh you, you woa’t take my word.” Pleasant domestic fnterior; husband readiog, wile Kocting., flusband—* Nothisg bus poli- tics, pulitics, politics. Who cares if the Centre Gauctie has carried the Department of the Douds by 3,00 majority, with several back ar- rondissetiients yet to hear front! Let's see AUS un the next page. |Heads] *A duel i small-swords took place yesierday between the injured husbaud, and M. H., the ub— Jeet ol his batred. M. G. was Killed by a thrust hrough the lung.” Huwph Lhal isu’t any fun- vicr than the pulities.” Wife—=1t 1 Werc you 1'd learn loucine.” QuIrs. For Tue frioune. Fast thoe: Leot. A uice pish: Pra-dish. The grand bouuce. Cherry bounce. The couteriviter's varn is 4 * queer ** story. Trofessivual Knitters are siways avle to tella ood yara. Why is w dull fecturer ke a baliy Lorse? Lo~ cause he doesu’t drays Who can agswer this! If you own .a lay horse, is bie your roan¢ Paradoxical: ‘That a modest (%) hotel-clerk should be an inu-decent fellow. Spealang of an acter, a frieod observed that he was **a gentleman svd a mwaa of parts.™ A minister of our acquzintiuce can never bo induced to take au owpibus, beauss he is 80 averse to the stage. ¥ ‘The man who **falls " in loveis supposed to b the indivual who, wheu disppututed, Lurns bis attention W geiting drunk. Everybody hus seew & gas-meter, but the all- absorbing questiou is: Did auybody ever see az opium-meter! A tramp, who re d 2 blow fro:a an Ama- zomian widow, declared that, uniii thes, he had never realized the foll sunificance ofthe vidow's smite. A cabinet-maker, deriding a lawyer who wits fudebted to bum, &id tue only case ne ever had was a book-uase, wiil that he neglected io pay hua for. Aman was boasting that he had an elevator in his house. *So he has,” chimed in bis wite, “and he keeps it in the cupboard, i 2 bottle.” Of a dull student a Professor said: post he is made like other folks, but 1 will veu- ture to say that it would puzzican auatumist to find lus scholar-bone.” S If a student applies himself be will graduate, of ourse. After tht, when e aopliesbimscil, he will 0 met by the Cheering rewarl nt any more help. Go to the devil.” My articles,” suid a conceited youns author, “would trace’ the columns ol any publicalion iu tne world.” “So they would” replied a dis- gusted listener, *they would disgeace them," When we were a boy. children were ** brought up ™ now they are *raises.” Here an old mad ubseryes that some of them onght o be Fised— by the hair. Buc, then, what do old maids know about ** beiuzging up 7 children? 4 What's the uame ot vonr dog, sonny?in. quired a man of au urchin who was leadme a bisg Newlound LY a rope pliei the by, **A!1s *““Then e is led as dray? suessed so. * Can you eat them all?” she aske laced before hum a heapiog plate of bu e ~ Guess "Ity Lhe w i P! “after that Pll cndeivor to eat t wall.? She said he had been growing worss eve swee he was sun-struck. An agricultural paper tells © How to Dress a Hoz” We Kuow how tu dress 4 how. bun a cane, a stovepips-bat, nd a pair of ey glusses. After that he will try to pass fora wan. Brt pshaw! a how will be 2 hot, 10 WAL ter how ke may be dre: Wiy don’s e a liorse-car, my friend?” inquired Spitkins of an old - Wwh ne fonnd ploddinz his ¥ street. ** Bes never to *take’ an to me.”” Leander Smith and Jones were diseussing the differ- cnce of opinion, Samd Jones: * For instance, now, what do you call a mean man. £ ¢ Wetl,” replied Smith, @ [ call him most a that comes handy,—fool, thici, liar, ja:kass: auy- thuyg, in fact, that is upgermost at tne cime.”” Jones sald Ins fricad was a trille oo ubtuse_for intelligeut demonstration. . ————— Tieacousfield’s Finances. Apropos of the fact that Lord Beaconsfield’s subscriputon to the sufferers by the recent steamboat disaster on -the Thames was only $100, justead of 55,000, as reported in this coni try, a London vorresnondent learns that the E lisk Premicr is not wealthy, and finds his salary as First Lord of the Treasury, 000, inade- quate. His interest in the fortine of his second wife expired with bher. Ou the retirement of Lord Matmesbury, he took tie office of Lord Privy Seal, takiniz vwo salaries for the time and unt:l it became politically expedient to Zive the second to somebody else. When in retieemeot be has a pension as ex-Minister of $10,009 a year, for which he has to apply as beinz fu need thereof. —— Ris Prayer for Help. New York Herald. “T'm a worthiess fellow, Judize," said Georze Tnompson in the Fifty-seventh Street Court yesterday. “I've a family and I do not suppors them. A toiling wife, sir, who loves me tou much to make a complaint against me. Two little ones, wno put their arms about my neck and cail me 40 father.” { drink and drink, and cannot helpit.’ I beg of sou to sead me where I cannot taste liquor.” Z “ )0 you want a month?” “More than that.” He bowed his beaa in shame. “More than that. Sir. ‘Three—yes, SIX —months; a year. Do make it for that long. She will try to get_me out, bat keep me there. It is my last hope.” ‘His prager was granted. —————— The Bismarck Shirt. A Berlin shirtmaker, of wbom the Chancellor had ordered a dozen shirts, by some, blundef made the rigcht sleeve “of all tiie "shirts a tritie shorter than the left ones. The Princess, wao 1s 2 model housewile, observed this, and wrote to the maker, who expressed hts sorrow, and de- sired ber to return the garments for altcration. They dil not come, but in their steal came a leiter from Bismorck, conzratulating him on his baopy idea in, making the rizat slecve shorter than the other, So that the cufl did not bother him when writine. * — A Prediction That Is Coming True. Some years aze a boy named W. J. Sacford, u, had a sbzular estave from death. A Keg of powder exploded in' s arins_wichout terious datage to bis verson, aud it Avas pre- éi:ted then that Le would either e huneor r@1t to Congress. Mr. Sanford i3 now a'Demo- cratic candidate for Congrrss. in Alabama, and is certain of election. ‘The other portivn of tne prophecy may be fulfilled Iater. \