Chicago Daily Tribune Newspaper, January 30, 1876, Page 10

10 THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE: SUNDAY, JANUARY 30, 1876—SIXTEE REBEL PEST-PENS. The Ulcerous Character of These Excrescences upon Civ- ilization. Bome of the Doings of Dastards Which Unblushing Congressmen Extenuate. Ramples of Memorics of a Sufferer Which Doughfaces Would Were Obliterated. His Unelaborated Story of Gigantic Crimes Too Lightly Punished. To the Editor of The Chicago, Tribune Cnicaco, Jan. 28.—Of what has been written regarding the sufferings of our soldiers in the prisons of the South, there is very little can be 6aid which will add intereat to the subject, a8 it is pot a task of plessure, or one that will bring bappiness to the mind of the reader. Itis a subject that 15 seldom resorted to in refined circles, fromthe fact it revives recollections which we fain would seck to disturb, but rather seek to avoid. The question has been asked, Why this agitation? An untimely re- mark has broached the eubject, sud Imwaysay a few words which may prove of in-~ terest regarding the life of & prisoner-of-war confined in Andersonville and other prisons of the South. N ALL PRISON-PENB NOT ALISZ. There was quits & contrast in the different prisons. Some were better adapted to the nse they were appropriated to than others. The prisons of Richmond wers ordinary businees buildings, and more sgreeable than some others ‘rom the fact that the men were not exposed to de storms and cold, and, I may say, the rations which were iesued in Rich- mond wers far superior to those received st Andersonville, DBelle Iele, Milleo, or any of the other prisons. Bello Iele is situated mthe James River, ator near Richmond, and :hat portion where the prisoners wore confined was inclosed by & ditch, The inclosure was not far from 3 or 83 acres, and witkin that space thers were confined 9,000 men, which will give something of an idea of the space allozted to each person. A limited number of army tents had been provided for the first occupants, but they were soon filled, and the remainder, who were compelled to lie down at night on the ground, exposed to the weather, wero far greater than those who were more fortunate in finding eheltor. DOG MAKING MAN FAT DOG. The officer in command at this time of which I speak was Lient. Davis, aud a more thorough Rebel was not in existence. Hie heart (if he possessed one) was as hard as adamant. 1 rember well when he made Lis appearance in ihe camp, the day previous to my departure. He was accompanied by his pet dog, He camsin to organize a change and arrange to send & portion of the camp to Andemsonville. (Bat as he expreseed it, ‘to be exchanged”). 28 I remarked, when be came in_he was accom- panied by nisdog. But he had not gone far when the dog was missing, and he mistrusted Jhat there had been foul play. He calied the poys together—those who, he said, were going for exchange—and informed them that unless that dog were produced, or the man who_had ¥olen him, not & man should go home. This, of conrse, was £00 severe, and the result was the pan was found and the dog demanded, The nan opened his haversack and produced tho remnants of the canine in the shape of two hind tuarters. The rest, having been dovoured, 31 course was oot to be found. Davis was more enient than was his custom. He cnly compelled e man to eat a portion of the me inki srobably, it wonld humiliato him roar of laughter from the camp, when, in fact, 10t one in the 9,000 but would have been hap- pier had be beep in that man's place with a week’s rations in his haversack. JOME PLEASANTRIES WORTHY OF THE NAME OF DAVIS. I have seen Lieut. Davis draw_his revolver wd shoot & man down for taking a hand- ful of beans from a barrel which the Doctor had forbidden um to issue because they were sour. On another occagion I saw bim set {wo men astraddle of & pole and tio iheir legs down, keeping them in that position &ntil they wers crippled for life, before releas- mg therm. The rations issued in this camp were much better than thoge given out in Anderson- Tille, one-fourth ponnd of corn bread, and one ptul of meat, bones and oll, to 160 men per day. A SEVERE REMEDY. About thres weeks befors L loft Belle Iule, - repart came to camp that they wete exchanging the smick. Omne of my comrades was trying to contrive some plan to gef into the hospital, and run the gauntlet if posaible. I told him I eonld put him in & good condition to enter the Hospital. But I was of the opinion that report was, as usual, a hoax. He was over- soxious to try the experiment, 2nd I took him in charge. My first dose was a succees, Igave him three piils, made of bard soap. In about three honrs he was as limber sod as wriokled as a boot-leg. Ibad a friend help carry’ bumto the doctor. He wes examined, and pronounced a fit aubject for exchange, and, sure enough, he wassent to *‘God's country, " a8 we termed it ‘when we spoke of home. AT THE HOBRID PEX OF FENS. My next exparience of note was after I was eeot for **exchange” with about 8,000 otbers aud brought up in Andersonvills, instead of *God's country.” This camp, atthat time, was an inclosure of mbout tweive acres. The etockade was formed by placing timbers apright and close together. The stockade was about 16 feet high, and the timbers were set in the ground about 4;or 6 feet,forming a strong fence. Qutside of this inclosure was a space of prob- ably 20 feet and a second stockade around the first, making a complote fortification. Within the inside inclosure there was what was termed TIHE DEAD-LINE. This was eimply & siogle parrow strip of board on stakes, and the penalty was death to step within that inclosure. Many poor souls have forfeited their lives by trying the experiment. This was never attempted by any of tbeold prisoners, knowing a8 tbey did the result of tempting s copscript. The gnards were seldom old soldiers, mostly conscripts, and young boys or old men who vould not stand the fatigue of & long march. There was one poor old man belong- ing to our detachment, who had lost a log battle, and the prison-life bad partially mb;)cd tim of his mind. He was in the habit of rosm- ng sround camp, ecarcely knowing where he drew his daily allowance. This poor cripple had, by some accident, stepped over the deag-live. Nosooner bad he done eo than a bullet went crashing through bis brain. I give this instence toshow how watchfal the gnards were, and the anxiety they had for trving their mus- keis on & Yankee. Whenever su_old soldier was on guard wo received a warning whenever we chanced to intrude on for- bidden ground. - TIE QUICK ASD THE DEAD. One man in our detachment managed to make his escape in 8 somewhat novel way. The dead wero placed near the gate, and, at a certain bour, they wero carried out and piaced in the Dead-Houeo. We had arranged to have him feign death, and, at the appointed hour, we camried him ont with the rest, placing him imn s Lne with the dead. The Dead-House had npever been guarded, and when night set in he took to the woods, and was in a fair way to reach our lines, but, being careless, was overtaken, snd forced to a ball and chain for his pains. He escapod once atter that by means of a tunnel, and was sgain captured by the hounds. This time be was placed in the stocks for twenty-four hours. He did not try it again. THE CELEBRATED TONNEL. Our camp was at one time presty thoroughly organized, with 8 plan in view to surprise the Rebel guards ana escape. A well had been started on the north side of the camp, and Irom this well a tunoel had been dug reaching the timber, & distance of 100 yards from the well. This tunnel passed under the stockade, and was in 8 fair way to reach completion. The plans had been arranged to allow the men to pass through and organizo ontside, ané, when s safli- cient force had passed out, tocapture tho fort and guards. The plans were frustrated by some traitor esposing the tnnnel, and our game was B A STRANGE RENCONTBE. It was about this time that I mot with s sur- prise, which to me was both a_bappy one and, X may eay, a sorry ope 2 well. 1 waa on the mar- ket, trading my rattons for ealt (a very scarce 2rticle), and, while crying my line of trade, 8 band was placed on my shoulder. I turned to 38 whbo the intrudex might be, and there before me stood my brother. I scarcely koow what I did do, yet I well remem- ber what eaid. After grasping his hand, I asked him how long 'he had been thers, and ho informed me that this was his second dav. ** Have you bad anything to eat? " Linguired. I was notsurprieed when he told me that ho had not, so far. I gavo him my small allowance, and be shared it with his associate. ‘This was, to me, the happicst meeting and the uohapniest one, also, of my life—happy in see- ing somebody whom [ koew, and who could tell me of home, and uunhappy .in secing bim, like myeelf, a prisoner and far from frienda. I gave him to underatand that he must make up bis mind that the Confederacy could uot kill bum if be everintended to live and see home and family again. XEWS FROM HOME. After we had been in Andersonvilte between £wo and thres months I learned that a letter had been called out for my brother. I had watched the mail for months, in hopes to hear from home, but without success, aud now I was more watchful than ever. In time 1 mansged to grasp the ls)raciama document, and 1t Was soon place in. the bhands of my brother. The soxiety ~ with which he broke open that letter I shall never forget. from its foids. e raised it from the ground, and hus firet words were. ‘It is my baby, and they are safe.” This was the first and last lat- ter we ever received from bome. Letters had been written by tho score, but failed to reach us. Provisions were often eeut, but before the boxes were sent into camp they were opened and everything of value to tho rebel ofticers was taken znd approprinted to their own use. INTERNECINE TROUNLES. . We were compelled to organize = polico force for _self-protection in tha cawmp, Several murders had been cowmmitted, and robberies were of every day occurrence, aud growing worse. It was at this time that five of the leaders of “raiders.” as they wore called, were captured, and stood trial for murder. They were convicted and sentonced to be hanged. The eentence was carzied out, and the five were huog up in tho presence of 33,000 men. This put & quietus on the murdering business for the tune, yot *raiding” wzs never stopped entirely. We had seversl modes o(l{nunishing. Some wers bound over & barzel, and whipped: others had their heads shaved, and. occasionally, one was branded with India ink, with the letter ¢ T.”, for * Traitor.”” Necessity compelled this, from the fact that we had no protection from the Rebels. SEVERAL NEGROES were bronght into camp as prisouers, and two or throe of them were taken sick and required treatment, bat the Rebels eaid they might rob before they would preseribe for them. I do not know as any of them over were cxchanged. * DASTARDLY TACTICS. It was the custom to count sil the prisoners once & day, just before rations were izsued, and, in case auy were missing, Wwe Wwere not alloved any rations until they were accounted for. I have known the entire camp to go thirty-six hours without food, for not reporting tho mi!singI men. This seemed io0 be the best mode the Rebels had of « bringing the Yankees to time.” as they tormed it. While I was in Atlaots, s prisoner, I was told to strip the underclothiag off of o dead man, and I rofused. The result wes, Iwes deprived of my ratious for thirty-six hours, and then had to submit. To attempt to enumerate the in- stances of this kind would require a volume. I have given but the ontline, which will tend to show thio life in the prison pens of the South. I rexains yours, etc., Nar. AluLus. LETTERS FROM THE PEOPLE. WIHO COMMITS THE MUEDERS. To the Editor of The Chicago Tribune: Cuicaco, Jan. 28.—In viewof the recent strict- ures upon American institutions indulged in by the German press in Germany, provoked by the dyoamite horror, which were, in substance, that licentions fiendishness was a natural outgrowth of the American mode of government, it may ba well to point out a few interesting facts which have not, probably, come to the notice even of most Americans, and of which Germans in Ger- many (and in America t0o, for that matier) scom totally oblivious. ‘We hava tho reputation in Germany of being a murderous raco. German tourists about to ‘visit this country arm themselves to the teeth, and their relatives at home ses them depart with as much anxiety as if they wero bound for the interior of Africa. Perhaps this is large- 1y owing to the ignorance of American political geography prevalent on the European continent, by no means least among the Germans. To them generally there is no frontier, no division of States and Territories—simply America. If tho cable announces that there has been an Indian revolt * in America,” they are as likely to pict- wure it to themselves as raging in the neighbor- hood of New York, St. Lous, or Chicago, 88 any- where else. They bear that another entire fam- ily biss been rutbivssly murdered **in America,” whereupon they lift their bands in borror, and marvel ; but it seldom, if ever, occurs to them to inquire 1o what part of America the murder was.committed, and what was the nationality of the murderer. Now, itisacurious factthat alarge majority of all those brutal murders which do 80 much toward giving our country a bad name abroad are committed by people of foreign birtb, and many of them by Germans of low origin: and I wish to be clearly understood as not saying this in any spirit of unfriendliness toward Ger- man citizons generally. Native Americans (white, of course), although comprising by far the preponderating_ portioo of the population of this coantry, furnish but an ingigmficaut fraction of its criminals, a8 a sern-~ tiny of tbe daily calendar will readily show. No one will pretend to deny, after an examination into the eubject, that the criminal class of the United States is chiefly com‘mrisad uf for- eigners and negroes. In reality it is a somewhat singular trath, considering the firm- ness of the prevailing European belief to the contrary, that the native American, as a rule, 18 a very harmless and law-abiding individual, s little prone to talk excitedly, perbaps, but too shrewd and calculating to do anythiog by which be is likely to get himself into serious trouble. Itis true we occasionally have s duel or g0 between mnewspaper-men, but it 13 not oo record that there has been much bloodshed in consequence. An Eanglieh writer, in_commenting upon the semi- ferocious tona of many of our newspapers, said that he was purprised to find the editors, far from the fierce-lookug, elouched- batted, Bowie-kmifed class he had pict- ured to himself, to bo generally mild- spoken and courteons gentlemen ; to have a sort of dual existence; in fact (no pun intended), one real and the other in k. Apropos of this, our own community was slightly disturbed re- cently, when a certain newspaper-man of some tocal celebrity denounced a well-known citizen, in print, a8 a ** willful and malicious liar.” Ner- vous people ehuddered and whispered ** blood- shed ;" but the more knowing retlected that the gentleman would bave heesitated befors making the charge had he expected any consequences to enane more serious to himself than the assur- ance that ho was another; while many, in view of the fact that the gentleman is a recognized humorist, the authorof the famous ** Lunatio Letters,” which convulsdd the community on & short time since, were disposed to regard the ;nfl'aiu' 28 a huge joke, and laugh at it accord- ingly. Occasionally, too, we have murders in revenge for persoual grievances, real or imaginary, like the Stokes and Bickles affairs ; but it is not this class that our German neighbors charge to our institotions, Fince they are no_less common in other countries; neither is it the drunken brawls io which some poor, igooraut, liquor- crazed devil of a German, Itishman, Pole, ne- gro, or (now and then, though far more rarely,) American, will hit some oce too hard a rap and bustie him out of the world; itis of the cruel, concocted disbolisms of the ‘Deutschland” stamp they speak. Let us see, then, whoarothe peorle upon whom American institutions exert such a hideous influence, admitting the German prees to be correct in its deductions. To begin with, it seems pretty well establishod thay ths perpetrator of the dypamite horror wa8 & German. Precigely in which of the ‘various countries he bad visited he imbibed his fiendish proponsities it might be 8 matter of some difficulty to determine ; but let us suppose that country to have been our own, if that will pleass our neighbors in Germany, and leave out of consideraticn altogether hie accomplices aCross the water. The Bender family, the Kausas musderers, who stocked a good-81zed private praveysrd with the bodies of their victims, wera Germans ; so wag Probat, who brained an entire family of eight or ten persons with an axe a fow FeArs ago in our own State, and £0 was the manthat per- petrated the counterpart of that butchery in Pennsylvania a couple of yeara ago, The men were Germans who murdered another with & pitchfork in Cincinnati last year, and then thrust the body, beforo life was extinct, inio furnace for the purpoes of consuming it. Ru- loff, who was executed in New York for the murder of his wife and child, and who ia be- lieved to have murdered one or more provious wives, was a Gorman, 88 aleo was tha craven wretch who died at Joliet the other aay for a like offense. ; Of the murders committed in Chicago and vicin- | ity, tho records show nearly all to have been com- As the letter was opened a tiny picture foll" mitted by cmigrants from foreign countries,and a majority of the most atrocious by Germans. No one doubts Jumpertz, the barber, to have been guilty of murdering and carving up hus mistreas, although he escaped baoging. Poor Gumbleton paid his life for his friendship for the youbg German, Ziegenmeyer, now in Joliet for life, and many will remember the murder of the old Irishman at Winnetia, thros or four years ago, likewise by a German. To these might be added hundreds of other examples, nearly all tending to demonstrate that, whenever averice is his chief incentive, and careful premeditation and low conning characierize his deed, the murderer is slmost sure to turn out to be s Germau: but, by the way, not a.singls iustance occurs to mo, 8t presont, of & murder ever having been com- mitted by & Jaw. . = Just what1s the canse of this alarming proclivi- ty of Germauns of low origio, snd sometimes, tiuugh 1arelv, even of the better claes, in Amer- ica (or, &3 they prefer to call thomselves, Ger- mans-Americans). it is pot the purposs of this article to discuss; indeed, it might bo difficalt to assizn an entirely satisfactory reason there- for. Their peculiar pronenocss o self-murdor is much more easily explained in the light of ihe cruel trials and vicissitudes that naturally fail to the lots of strangers in s foreign land, and their consequent mauy sore disheartenments. 1 do not believe that free American institn- tions, as such, exercise & wholesale-murder in- spiring influonoe: butif it 1s true, as Germans claim, that they do 8o, it & wortby of remark thiat such intluence is exerted principally, if not wholly, on German miods; in which case it would not be verv surprising that philosophical German writers should have been the firet to discover 1t mnd czll the world's attontion to the fact, AMERICUS. TAXES VS, TIIE GRUMBLEDS. To the Editor of The Chicago Jrivune: Cuicago, Jan. 29.—My attention is frequently called tothe existence of the growing evil of which all, or most all, our tax-paving citizons bave just cause of complaint. Ihave no desire totrot out that favorite American bird,—the oagle,—but I am anxious to say a few words on the subject of taxation, which must i the futurs have more attention paid to it by the citizens of this Republic than they have hitherto paid to it, or soon the boasted rights of American citizens will become, through the anarchy that must fol- low the present condition of things, a meaning- less sound or term of reproacli. We have in our cosmopolitan Government many characters which are not unlike those of the different na- tionalities Lioy in part represent ; those who are to the manner born have quiie as many sins to ansver for 83 those who come from a foreign climo, Especially when we consider the fact of the superior advantages in our own to other nations, is it not fair to assumo that those who have been favored with all tho advantages which should result from a-free education in all the elementary branches afe more responsible for the present condition of society than he who bas not possessed theso necessary bleesings or es- sential privileges? While I admiro the honest critic, I despise the noisy croaker whose timeis spent in complamnng of things to change which bhe is not willing to devote an hour. Sucha biped, and there aro many, not ooly deserves the infliction of the Ewag-gatherer's lash, now so vigorously applied in their city, cousty, and State, bot, in addition to the above afiliction, should be shunned and abhorred by all who be- lieve in the noble words of the real patriot who said, **He that would be free himself must strike the blow.” 1If wo turn to the pages of history, back to the middle centaries of Greece, we find there two characters, nfe size, of which we see a minia- ture almost every day. One of those to which I alluds id & pious devoree of the Grecian religion. He erected a vast house of worship, on the top of which he built tha proudest monument of his devotion to his religions faith. It was called the Ephesian Dome. Centuries passsd away, and thers dtood the harmless monument. But, in the strange and ever-changing condition of things, there lived in Greece a second character, —a_youth who was not gifted with sufficient brsing, patience, or industry to become renowo- ed in oligion, or politics, althouxh of noble birth; vet he had thab ever-reseut desire so conspicuous in the buman character,—a love of notoriety. To acquire this he ascended the stops of the temple that led to the dome, unseen, and, with torch in band, he spphed it to this most venerable monament, and while the flames that were kiodled by his own Land were his only hope to escape the certain tortures of the people, which would have been inflicted for the desecration of tbeir temple, and wlule his crisped hand still clenched the torch with which ruin was wrought, he defiantly proclaimed amid the con- suming flames thess words: * The ambitious youth who fired the Ephesian dome outlives in fame the pious fool who reared it.” ‘Wo tee almest every day both these characters, even after the lapse of centuries, in this country of free schools. These characters should have been outgrown, but, alza! bigotry and lunacy soowm to be ioberent in masnkind.” Wheie they do not exist they are supplemented by that other scourge of our race,—hypocrisy. It isof the latter I propose to speak as one, if not the prin- cipal, cause of the present condition of things. Ts it not true that there are men bolding bigh official and subordinate positions in our State and Municipal Governmenta who would not be accepted as associates of any respectable man outside of the political cesspool in which they wallow? It is not my purpose to make these criticisms without offering a remedy, for to do 80 would bring mo within the sphers of what I denomioate grumblers. The remedy long sought for is simple—let the people voto—all the peo- ple. Let a law be passed by the Legislature that overy citizen of the Stata sball, at least five days before an election for State, couaty, tawn, or wunicipal oflicers, appear and register bis name aod place of residence. Far failing to do so, he shall for the first offense be fined a sum not less than £100 and stand committed to the County Jail until paid. For the second offenso he shall bo debarred forever the privilege of exercising the elective franchige, all courts of record to have jurisdiction to inquire into and determine the guilt or mnnocence of the accused. The above is tbe substance of the first step to be taken for the future safoty of the Republic. After the voter shall have obtained his certifi- cato from the Board of Registers, he shall be compelled to vote at every election, and for & failure so to do should for the firat offense be subject to & heavy fine 2nd impritonment, and for” the second offense bo forever debarrad from voting or holding office. One- half of 'the fine ehonld go to the informer and the other half to tho support of the public schools. It should be further pro- vided for & epecial oath to be administered to the judges of all elections to inquire into the fact if any voter has failed to vote. I wonld aleo ask the Legislaturo to pass a law to punish drunkenness 2a & public crime, espe- cially when indulged in by public officers, the substance of which law would be that any officer who shall have been elected or appointed, who shall, while bolding such office, become intoxi- cated, shall."on conviction thereof, be dismissod from the office to which he was elected or ap- poioted, and shall be forever disqualified from holding axy office in thie State. In all cages of this kind the Courts should be compelled to give the charges in such cases the preference, and should hear them with 2s little delsy as possible. ere the above restrictions the law of Illinois to-day bath political parties in this State would be led by men and minds which every citizen would be justly prond of. Our punishment for this Iack of wisdom is that wo are now led by a lot of po- litical pigmies, whose political fruit is the Whisky-Ring, Court-House, and Custom-House swindles. This, together with our noble andin- telligent Common Counncil, are some of the luxu- ries wo would no longer enjoy, if we stop grum- bling and go to voting, with the full understand- ing that voting is a duty, and a failure to vote is acrime, I hope these remarks will be received by the public in the same spirit in which they are written, for I assure vou I have only penned them in the hope that they may load our law- malers to promote the public good. 'W. H. Evpr. OUR PUBLIC SCIIOOLS. To the Editor of The Chicago Tribune: Cmicaco, Jan. 20.—It is a question that is sagitating tho minds of the mothers of Chicago &t the present time, What ehall we do with our children? When we ask the fathers, they say, *‘Bend them to echool.” But where? Why, to the public school. Doo’t we pay our taxes and support them? It is our right and privilege. But they have no time td'look after thosa things. Itislafe for the mother to attend to. What little time they have out of business must be devoted to politics snd to finance; bat still the question is nnsolved. When we putour children into echool, the rooms are &o full, they cannot be classed properly. Sometimes they are put down where they know every word in their books, and we put up with it because there is no remedy. I have Lknown cases where children bave been kept at home to study till they were ready for the fifth grade; but for want of room, when they staried at school, were puf wto the seventh grade, with the promise of promotion, 28 soon as there was room. Yet these same children did not get whers they, bes longed for four. years... They had- gotten into the “circumlocution office,” and there was no remedy. Sometimes the gn_nclpll will say, *Weil, yon mav be promoted, if you will go to the branch ;" but whea e visit the branch, who will allow their own blood to be_poisoned, both morally sud physically? I would like to know how any snch number of men could live for six hoars in the'day, five days out of seven, crowded {ato & small raom, with low ceilings, and no ar- raogements for ventilation, heated by astove almost ag tall as the rocm, with a pipe running over their beads, with walls black sud broken, and floors so dirty it would be hard to 83y whetb- er they were made of boards or clfiv\'. How many months would it take to demoraiize them 2 How much worse for your children, with their Bensitive, impressiblo natures, to be berded to- gether in this way ! How can we thus keep them pure? Our Lord taught ns to pray * Lead us Dot into tempta- tion™; but when we obiige our children to stay where there are such surroundings, such foul sir, whero tue pure breath of heaven, or the light of the sun cannot eoter, how can they keep from being poiluted ? No matter how good the teachers, it is atterly impossible for them to lead their pupils to & higher or purer life until thoy have less crowded, cloaner, and better-venti- lated rooms. No wonder our Government is corrupt, if our rulers were educated under sach surroundings. 1low can we educate the rising goneration, so they will be bouest and just, &0 it will be an honor instead of & reproach to have them called Chicagosuna ? Now, when our chul- dren come home from school we wish to huve them fill their lungs with pure air, but ¥e can- ot send them into the strcet, onr yards being too small, because the leeson they huve been learning in tho poorly-ventilated and crowded school-room i3 carried out more ex- tenmively there. The larger aro teaching the smaller all the arts of darkness. If we send them to the park for a skate, they meet it there ; either their skates aro taken from them or their pocketa are riled. Now I believe it tha lower grades were notso crowded, aod the pupily could have the privilego of caltivating their am- bition, there will be less studying 1niquity ; con- sequently more strifa to excel in their atudies. Wo often hear of tue Humana Society looking after mon who do not treat beasts well; but we are tired of waitiug for them to look after our human kind. What do the Health Ofticers think of to let such a thing stand unnoticed ? If any man crowded together his cattlo or horses (which they would not) in that way, they would be tfined, A MotHER, BAD READING IN THE SCHOOLS. To the Editor of The Chicago Tribune: Cricaco, Jan. 29.—Nearly $1,000,000 are ex- pended annually in the msatenance of some forty free schools in this city, and yet thera is, perbiaps, not one out of twenty of the chuldren there taught who is & good reader. And this is not because the teacher therein employed are ordinar- ily doficient in the branches taught, but becanse they are ot properly prepared to teach the sounds of a linguage which 18 spelled one way snd pronounced another. Take for example the words cough, through, enough, and though ; or, bass in muvic, and bass, s fish. Incomparably grand as the English laoguage may be for mee in poetry, oratory, and philogophy, and however well swted, too, to all the pur- poses of commerce and aociety, it 18 neerthe - less 8 mongrel lIanguags, gathered from many sources, and reducible to no rule. What is the " lexicographer to do with a language in which he must pronounce his words accordiag to the de fi- nition, and not according to the sound of the letters which cumgflsa the word? Says the champion of the Phonio method, ** Change the words 8o that the child may pronouuce at gight, a8 we road music.” ‘*DBat,” replies the thoroughbred lingwst, “this would al- most destroy the laugnage by cuiting off all its derivative words ; in othar words, it would sever nearly every bond that connects it with the languages that go to formit. For m such a transformation, how could Jones and the various sorts of Smythes trace back their pedigrees? Every scholar is well aware that to underatand German (Saxon) snd Latin is almoat to dispense with an English dictionary. A phonstio Eoglsh Isuguage is im- possible, because that would destrov the relation with the sources, or between the child and parent tongues. And yet, able teachers tell usthat there is no 'way to acquire s distinct articulation of sonnds in the English language but by phonetic word-teaching,—that is, by formiog the words with such letters, and so marked, tbat a cluld may read the word at sight, without spellog, as, forinstance, that incomparably regular language, the German, which needs no spelling-book. Will not some able English scholar enlighten us on this point, and teach us how phonetica may bo used with profit ? . Saya an educator of much experience: ‘It ssems to me that iraining to read by this meth- od gives to the learner the power of a nice die- crimination of sounds in the use of spoken language, awl a better power of dwcrimination than is obfained by any other method. No other plan contemplates such phyeical ttaining of the vooal urgans as is requisite to good read- ing and epeakiog as this.” Will not some clear- headea student give us more light ou tlus sub- ject? To every lover of our uoble English, which is destined to be the raling language of tbe entire globe, thia is & question of high edu- cational import. F. G. SuRBRIDGE. —_— THE UNDERTUNE. T watched the violet apaces of the sky Soft-shaken into stars; and, wondering, sous- To know tho Awful Power that had wrought, And set them circling to their destiny, In mons long gono by. 1 heard a mother crying i the night Pleading with Fate that she mignt look once more On ber dead darlinz's face, long months befora Bea-cradled, wave-enwrapped from her sad sight “Neath flowers of encrinite. 1 8aw two lovers kiss, and kiss agiin Through siresiaing tears, With clasped, clinging ands,— ; For one must journey into far-off lands; Gray, countless Tesgues of distance would Temaln, Through years of loss and pain | I met a crippled begzer in the way, One who bad never harmed his brother-man Or sistar-woman; yet the Almighty Plan Forced him to tretch his feeble palin each day, Till head and heart grew gray, Seeking the world's cold alms, Tho sun went dewn; “And once sgain I watched tlis purple akies, Weary in soul, heavy with memorios Of wrong snd griel that were that day made kazwn 1n Life's drear undertono. —2rs, D. L. Clarkin the Indes. A REMEMBRANCE. Her trembling hand lay clasped in mine A moment ; parting thus we stood ; While crimson sunset filed with fire The ferny valieys of the wood, Behind the distant hills, afar, The crescent moon was sinking fast; While just above, one loving star . Followed her, faithful to the last. Lovers we stood—her hand in mine; ‘The tremulous ferns about our {3, The picture haunts my unquiet brain; Ah | never more, in joy or pain, Lover and maiden meet. But soma time, sweeter, dearer still, Although Life's wintry enows may lis Where aunny tresses gléam and fall, Our rest sball come—that comes for all; ‘We'll meot again, my love and L. A ! foolish heart ! forgetting heart ! We parted not that twilight bour, Though never since her hand I preat; Love docs not need such trifling tess Of his divinest power. ‘We roam together, soul with sonl, 2 Through realms of love, and light, and flowers; The forny valleys of the wood, Whers youth and malden dreaming stood, ‘Are not 50 bright a3 onre He: u LEY T, —_— Goinz for His Office, R "’uh\‘nfl!fll;l Star. ew days ago a rough-nnd-ready appearin, fellow, dressed in butternat gray, wa{fiu‘?fl ligh% slouch hat, and carrying a formidable-looking musket, might have been seon, and in fact waa secn, slowly wending his way along Pennsylvania avenue toward the Capitol. On his arrival at the latter place he inquired where ha could find Gen. Eppa Hunton, & Virginia ropresontative in Congress, Thinking he meant mischief, the person addressed (an employe of the House) asked, ** What do you want with Gen. Hunton ?” *What do I want with him, Buh! Well, Sub, I am from Botetourt County, Virginny, Sub, an’ I hearn that we uns, Confd'rit soldiers, was gittin' moss of the places up yere, and go, Suh, I hoofed it ali the way yere &mfldn’c afford to ride in the kyars) to see my old commander, Gen. Eppa Huuton. "I font unfer Gen. Hunton, Sub, all through the wab, and if the Confed'rits is a gutin’ places, Gen. Hunton must git me one.” ** But what are you doing with that old gun 7 queried the party addressed. **That, Sul plied the goutleman from Botetourt, the musket I carried all through the wah. I jest brought it slong to show Gen. Hunton, and, Suh, he's got to git me a good place.” Here he left his gun in charge of the other party, and ;em tofin;l Gen.‘I{un!vn. The resnlt of his terview bas not transpired. This i + sketoh, but an actual occurrence, Saviay —_—— | hA‘u‘%bjactlor devating socisties: Why is it at there are 80 many emart boy babi B i ¥ babies and so | | ETHEL'S METHOD, DY GRACE GARDNER. Wriften for The Chicayo Tribuné. The tidy servant-maid entored the parlor with mop, pail, and dost-cloth. She looked at the drenched plants in the winflow-gardan,—l}er young miatress still “holding the streaming watering-pot over them, with & grave, nbgent look oa her face, quite unusual; attho little pools of water all over tho oilcloth that pro- tected the carpet ; and her neatness took alarm. “Lga, ma'am! justlook how youare wetting ‘om,—runnin’ &ll over everything !" 2 "Tho lady started, looked down at the drippiog plants, and, coloring faintly, said: “Yes, I heve watered them most too mach. Never mind. Just wips up the water, Mary, sud it won't do any harm. They wero 8o very dry."” This last was said by way of explaining to the girl what might otherwise asom strange; h.nt. trath to say, the plants had never missed being watered = day yet. + Sure, ma'am, they won't be dry again for & long time to come.” i A sersp of paper, picked nup from a habit of oversight and order, and carelessty glaaced at, was the real cange of this abaence of mind. It liad not been pleasant reading for & bride of & few weeks, especiaily when the words werein one's busband’s handwriting : I can't stand this. I'm off to the club again. 1 love Ethel woll enough, of course; but, if she were only a little more like Helen, or not quite so—well, quite o spooney aund senti- montal.” This Ethel *who was loved woll enough, fo course,” bat who was ‘ spoomey and senti- mental,” was hetself; but who was ** Heleo," this fortunate persen whom it was desirable she should resemble ? People take trouble differently,—n good deal according to the temperament, and & goad doal according to the amonut of good sense. Unfortunatety for her bird and ptents, Ethel Lathrop kept on with her employment whils pondering this new aspect of things; unfor- tunately for the bird, because 1t got only bird- seed,—no petting, no nice bit of cake, or apple; and for the poor, drowned plants, as we have secn. As to outward signs, Ethel's blithe song died on her livs. 1ler dari eyes had opened wider, and, it must be owned, grew blacker and bright- er. Her face at first loat all itscolor; then face, neck, ears, flushed to aeepest crimson. “$pooney and sentimental!” Yes, no donbt she had been sentimental and fond—if that was what ** spooney” mesnt. She had showan the man she loved best of all the world, and whom she had supposed till now loved ker, all the wealth of her foud young honrt; and 1t had wearied and disgusted him. At this conclusion, pain, and wounded pride, and mortification, brought adeeper tide of crim- sou to her brow, aod the hot tears to har eyes, which as yet pride had kept back. Itseemed for a time & question, almost a chance, whether she would cry her beart out, and smk down 1nto 8 snd, epiritless, prematurely-old womao, She might, perhape, but for thut word ** Helen;” bat it i8 doubtful, notwithstanding il the seem- ing, if there was any possibility of such a resnit,— for Ethel, although deeply wounded 1a both love and pride, had a deal of charctur, and spirit, and good sense, under the fair, child-like ex- terior. She remembered now sll the reports of Harry Latbrop's attentious and devotion to a Miss Wilder during the two years he was in Europe on business for the firm of which he waa junior partner. Could it be her ofd friend and clags- mate, Helen Wilder? With the confidence of true affaction in the maao to whom she had been engaged a year, she Lad only smiled a happy little smile when the gossip was reported to lier, and had never ques- tioned him, either in her letters or on his re- turn, as to the foundation of these reports; and their marriago had taken place soon after. This, then, was the cause of his zbsonce the 1ast four oveniugs. ; “ Important business,” e had said. Sho was & stranger in a straugo ctty, He had taken her nowhere. Sho bsd returned at} her calls alone. Ho bad sent the carriago, but made some excuse for not accompunying her each time. Was she 80 repulsive to him as that; or was he ashamed of her? Ethel's haughty little bead took s haughtier sir at the thought. She was by natare a proud woman, but love bad made her meek. ZToo meek, since thia was ita reward. What should she do ? ‘To say that the thonght of packine up ber trunka and starting for Lowe, leaving a note for Harry explaining in & fow brief words the cause,—which she had read a dozen times in povels was the right and proper thing to do,—to say that this ides never crossed her mind would be untrue; but Ethel had been brooght up in strict New England principles re- garding the marriage-gacrament; und, even had ghe been disposed to forget them, she knew very well that, under such circumestances, the home of her stern Puritan father and mother would not be open to receive ber. ‘That she came to some conclusion was evident from the murmur, *‘He must win me over again, and fiudit harder than before;” and the resolute expreasion round the swoet lips showed that she wad no broken-hearted woman. ‘When Harry Lathrop ran up the steps and opened the door with a latch-key, be quite ex- pected, a8 » matter of course, to see a girlish form rush out from behind the door, ** just for a surprise,” atd to feel two arms sround his neck. No doubt it waa a relief that he did not sec any one, and only heard strains of gay music from the parlor. So absorbsd was the musician_ that ghe started at the “ Good evening, my desr,” that sounded just behind her. She did not throw back her head ana put up Ler lips for a kiss, a8 ghe had led him to expect she would; but sbe looked round and emiled brightly, told him she wau glad he had come bome, and ran off like a good little housckeeper, as sha was, to order on the table their dainty supper.. She chatted gayly, a8 she always did during the meal; but thero was a nameless something that attracted her husband's gaze to her every now and then; or it might have been because she was dreased very becomingly and looked un- ugually pretty,—but he had never taken much note of tkatin Ethel. After tea, Ethel expressed the wish that he would call with her that evening on her friends, Judge and Mrs. Repfield, and their daughters, 1 the latter of whom had been hor playmates for yoars. She saw that he was about to make Some ex- cuse, and hastened to add : “They are anxtous to know you, Harry, and ‘made me promise to_come over with you some evening 8oon ; and it is threo weeks since they were here. I fear they will think it strange.” There was not the slightest sign of sullenness or 1ill-temper when ho preaded some pressing en- gagoment for not going; ** he would go some other time, though perhaps it would be better not to wait for him.” Heread the paper a little while, then put on his overcoat, and with a “ Good-by, Puss,” went out, e returued home earlier than usnal; for i 1gnin and sgain Ethel's face rose before him. | He felt uneasy, yot ho could not have told why, I He wished he had gone with her, she had looked + 5o pretty bal(-nlesdm% with bhim to go; and, when ho bad refused, how good-tempered and sweet she had been, Perhaps it would bo better for them both if Ethel were not alwayrs 8o pleas- ant,—something a littlo more spirited and tan- talizing, 80 that a fellow wouldn't always know ‘what he was to receive,—s smile or a frown, it wouldn’t be quite so insipid. So thinking, be entered the houss. There way a genae of quietness, of loneliness oven, as Le opeoed the acor. Ho bharried into the par- Tor before taking off bis overcoat. The lights were turncd down, the room looked deserted. In real slarm, he sought the servant. Ho looked really disturbed as he questioned her. “Mrs. Lathrop went out, sir, with Joseph, soon after you went away. She eaid she shonld be home by 9 o'clock. It's real lonely-like, you see, for & young thing like her to be alone so, evening alter evening. I'm sure she'll come goon, sir,” she eaid, not noticing her master's frowning face. Feeling indignant and exceedingly injured, Mr. Lathrop wandered aimlessly about the par- lors until he heard the sound of carriage-wheels, and Ethel's merry voice bidding eome one “pgood might;” and the bell rang, when he threw himself ' into an essy-chair, and was ap- ‘parently so absorbed with his paper 28 not to motice her when elio entered the room. + Why, Harry dear, have you got home firat 2 1 did not expect you for Lalf an hour, but I could not got away before. They were ail so gorry you couldn’t come. Ihave bad a dolight- fat fime!® And so the dear _girl , haa; expres- gion, voice, manuer, all testified*to it; and sne look:d as ghe folt, bright and bappy for the mo- men * And who, pray, may ‘they’ if I ma presume to ask ?" with severe dig:ig;'_r. i “Who? Why, who could they be, Harry desr, but Judge and Mre. Renfiold and their family 2» ins Rur nnndhtunefic = a * Aod yon have been that Jong distance ato: to-nlght! [t wasn't safs, aud was out of plaee. ‘What must they ¢hink #%.. =i N PAGES. Harry. I took *““But I did not _go alone, L me bome in tho Joseph with me, and thoy sent carnage."” ¥ * That proves that thoy thought strange of it, and that it was not a proper thing for a l':‘sdy to do. Of course Joseph was no protection. Ethel answered with spirit : “I had no one else to go with.me, and Tam quite sura_my friends did not thiok 8o strange of my coming to-night as that 1 had not Leen there before. Aud I had a very delightiul visit.” f t'l;mt is the way you take my “Very well, well-meant advico. This little episode was productive of only s passing _cloud. Iithel was -naturally sweet- tempered. and Harry liked Ler nono the less for this digylay of spirit while he thought of iz, but, in reality, forgot all about it befors he came home the next night, so that it did not havetheef- fect it should have done,—that of making him more thoughtful of, and attentive to, his young stranger-wife. - But. as night after night passed, and bLe re- ceived no more eurprises and uno more kisges, they could not have been Ko disagreeable as ke had tried to make himself believe, or he would not bave leancd over her chair one nightafter he had got home, and asked: “Why don’t & fellow get Ethel 2" = 5 o Ethel blushed, but replied, Iaughingly and in mOck BUrpris| “iVhat! Kisses after the honeymoon! What a strango idea.” B *So they wero only given as a matter of form ?” be gaid, in & piquant tone; *‘aud = poor, credulons follow took them 88 proofs of alfec- tion. Never mind; give 08 some supyer then.” He eaid it omost as if ho cared, cud Ethol longed to put ber love all into one kiss and give to him; but she was not deceived,—it was ouly a passing caprice, dictated pernaps by vauity. thet was passiopately fond of music, ar her opportunities for heariug it had been lim- ited. She had hoped, night after night, that Haurry would proppe going to the opera; bat the last day wos come, and he had said nothing about it. - Mrs. Renfield and her daughtors called during the forenoon, and, on learning that 628 Lad not been to the opera, and was not expecting to go, insisted that wbo sbouid sccowpauy them that eveniug. They wonld not bear of denial. The Judge was not going, 80 that there wasa spare ticket, and a sparo seat in the carriage, and it was just what they wanted. They woald call for her and se: hor duwn. . Mrs. Rentield had known Ethel from a child, and was 28 fond of her almost asof her own danglters, by whom indeed Ethel was regarded quite s a sister. The expericuced matron may nave guessed the young wife’s trial ; but, if she did, uio was a sale fievd. . At the appointed time, Ethel went with her friends, nng Ler evening would have beeu ovue of supremo enjovment lad she not. directly after they had taken their seats, discoverd her husvaud not far distant. She felt indiguant and resentfnl, as she had never been before. To do Harry justice, he had had vo intention of going to the opera when he leit home in tha morning ; but an acquaintance had urged him to go, and he had consented. i 1lis friend, after looking leisurely about through his glass, remarked : *T'he whole world is certainly here. There aro the Renficlds,—nat very long here, but guite distinguished and exclusive people. Do yon know them ? Well worth Lknowing. I will in. troduce you. I ses a charming uew face with them. Let's make onr way there.” Harry looked in the dicection his friend_indi- cated. Surely somebody looked familiar. Ethet! At the samo instant, the thought of what people would say rushed over him. What untoward circumstauces brought them both here? Aov thoughts of Ethel's indigoation never troubled hiw for an instant. Ho must put the best face on tho matter he could to save remark. No one besides the Renficlds and their party noed know but that this was the arrangoment. When he wag presented to JMrs. Renfield, her smiling face became severe, and her manner frigidity itself, while she barely acknowledgzed bLis salutation: and, when be turuedto Ethel asa safe place to hide a momentary embarrassment, she met him with the air of a young Empress. Bat be was too much a man of the world, had too much nonchalance, to be easily disconcertad. The Miss Keatields weore more approachable, and yere delighted with hiy manners and conversa- tion. Hurry Lathrop rarely failed to please when hewished. Mrs. Renfield herself softened, under tne irresistible charm of his manner. Besides, Harry Laturop was a handsome as well as elegant man. KEthel only remained ice. “«Why didn’t you tell a man you wers going to introduce him to your own wife? Bhe's wondoc- fully besutifal; but I pity you, old fellow. ' She don’t care a peg for you. Not a peg!” Howover Alr Lathrop may have regarded his wife, it was not sgreeable to have her love for bim questioned, aud he began to wonder it what be had supposed 2 superabundsuce of affection, the expression of which bad wearied him, way a more form, a girlish pretenss, on Ethel'z part, a8 she had intimated ; and, a8 one is =pt to val- ue that of which oneis uncertain, hie began to feel a vague unrest, aud to watch for some proof of Ethel’s roal feelings. i But Ethel was no longer the casy, swect-tem- pered girl, caroling about tle house, whom it seemed easy to read, and whom it was of no Eresb consequence whether he oilended or not; ut a8 cold, stately woman. He had attempted an explanaiion, alame apology, after the even- ing at the opera; bat it was received in silence. in the meantime, Lthel, through the Ren- fields, had formed quite a large circle of zc- quaintances, and was everywhers popular. The houss was not the deserted place that it had been the first few weeks of her livioz in it : bat ryoung peoplo went and came, and often Ethel went out with them. i Occasionally Harry met her on the street with her friends, and had an opportunity to see her !\:ith other people’s eyes, and began to admire er. Ethe\ was very pretty, if not strictly beautiful, and ah. -ys dreesed richly aud with exceeding taste. Their circumstances warranted it, and it was her right aud duty. Bbe was, as ever, a carofnl houeekeeper, and studied her husband's iastes 2zud pieasures as 1ar a8 their domestic arraugemeuts weie con- cerned ; but her own Life and happness were becoming independent of him, and some way this idea began to troable him. % ‘- Shall you go to the FParkers’ to-night?” Ethel asked at breakfast. Mr. Lathrop heutated, and looked at her to ! get some sign of her wishes; but the fair face ! was inscrutable. I would ratber have a quiet evening hero at home with yon,” he at list replied., ‘* Thank you ; but I nave sent an acceptance. Thinking porhaps you would not wish to go, I agreed, conditioually, to go with the Renfields. It is the firsc large party to whica I have been invited, and naturally I wshed to go.” Harry koew, and perhaps Etbel, that Helen ‘Wilder, now Alrs. Richardson, with her hasband, would be there. Perhaps he foared to rouse the old feelings. - Howerver that may be, at the proper time he accompanied Ethel. If ho bad feared she would bo & heavy waight &ll the evening, ho was agreea- bly disappointed ; for they had no sooner been received by Mrs. Parker than & group of young people surrounded Etbel and carriod her oif, aud be would not have got un opportunity to speak with her again dunng the evening bad he not sought k. He woudered Limself at the total indiffercnce with which he met Ars, Richardson. Not a more rapid heart-beat or quicksmng of a pulse; but, boautiful as he saw ohe was, he yet listoned with thoughts and eyes wanderng towards the “*spooney " wife. She passed just then, and he ‘met her oyes. There was a etrange expression in.them,—something that be could not fathom; but, with iopato perversity, he leaned over the beautiful woman with whom he was con- versing with an appearance of great devotion, Time went on. Ethel Lathrop, from being an object of iudifference, ‘**spooney and senti- meatal,” came to be the one person in existence whose affection was of value to her husband. He hatod and loathed bimself for his treatment of her previously. Common courtesy should have prevented- ench condnct, and especially when she was a - stranger to eyery one, sufferable puppy,” he called himaelf. ‘amgd n};{a. xltl;gngu h; was Dow properly attontive, he would not, though he Ioy, becom Ethel's shadow, | o gl 1o, It was a few weeks before Christmas. Ethel any kisses now, received a letter from home, with an = vitation to both her and Mr. megrf«f%:a home Chrigtmas, and make as long a visic as POERel zoad tho Tet d thel e e ‘letier, a i el lett: ud passed it to Mr. in“‘\‘Vuum you like to go ?” hejasked, after read- . V"ery much, if possible.” There was no doubt of her wish and look could ba trusted. Wgottiang ;‘Than fig, most ceriainly.” ® would bave said, ‘“We will go;” l wanted her to express soms wish ing;b'a 12::15: She. bowever, kept a resolute silence. It bhad been a hard struggle for Ethel to kesp up the show of pride and indifference,—harder still when she thought she saw a changs in his feel- ings towards her, and met many a look that made her almost believe that he loved her. But she muss not loge the prize now, if almos: won. Neither was it for her ro speak. “Mr. Lathrop is going, caid Mz, Kontiold to Fondy il:%:,}m'? Ho looked eageriy at Ttbel, gae 0% i, colored, and then auswerad: " VARt thy do not think he has quite decideg,» It i8 & long journey to tako alone, gy Of courso, 1f bedoed not go, be wif} 3oy deses ong who will ccompeny rou.” g0z Ethel answered somethin) traveler. 5 A0t blng 2 g 1f only she had said she “ hopeg £0 ;" for she knew that Harry o, word {rom her, aud Harry koew that gpg it. Butsbo was o go alone. Shy ooe B hcth ptwpl““'m“hwul'x‘ : heavy heart, :;1"44 ticket, slesping-berth, ; wan Hckar. slaspioy auch, "baggags ery gy In the sleeping-car Harry by ¥ * good-bye,” and told her tg tateny Lt Wit self, and writs ns often as she conld, 50“’“ gored yet, hoping for the wish © that by 3o, 10 ing " but reluctantly. at last, lef: her.® ™2 &% Dut, juat as he stapped off the car, he rey bered the magazines 10 his pnckel,'thuh e uot given ber, and went back. He land""‘ Ccrying,—not & tear or two, but & good fifin:fi 'DPogs jw B8 won e ery. She looked up when he sat { turned her head quickly to lhfld:iz?]eb"hfl' e2id, hurriedly, * She iad & termiblo heady 2 Those tears some way had mada Banys 0 bcn:[qmck]vh‘ bl;: he ovly said ; by * I came back to give you thess Ethel, if you feel timid about takiog LEa noy alone, just say £0. It is 8long gad pl™ one. I cau go juat as well as not. \\‘.,,]d"“" rather I, or somebody, went with yonz gy lieye th cars ate starting now.” b ** Yes," murmured Ethel, gratefa] 4} put iil;xch Lcoluttxl’ucniotn-on her cmng}m belag * But it is too late to find anm lelryi't will bave to bell:nfi' E:heL“WM‘Y de g ** Yes,” again said Echel, not ve Thew T shall go." Y ety When the cur3 were in full motion, snq was no poesibulity of his going back, !‘.lhahm‘ ** But how ¢an you manaze to go? Toe. the bouse ! And yon havea't acy tickat, w’i’" gage, or snything. What will youdo?» R ** Ob! I shall manage well enoagh. They the telegraph, and plenty of clothing-hogysy s about,” smd Harry, with a wicked loox 1 u eyes, and od innocently as if he baaa's s jje; cao inside his coat-pocket, and his vase sy, stowed away among the baggage. “I ey 1;’. my wife 70 alons if she Wants me. Does gy he ended with a whisper. ) o Withont answeriug his question directly, ghy “m!: d far t 1 : 4 It seemed so far to go from ho once, Harry, after you were gone.” el Ethot did not thiok what she revesled bytiey simple words ; but they brought a great light 3 Harry's eyes, and a great joy to his heart; 0, a8 shie met his eyes at the close of her senia, 1 taaink all was fully understood betwess s HUMOR. The-Turkey question—** Which piece do ™m prefer?” Mr. Crow, & Nebraska lawyer, his just vy bis first canse. The Graphic wants to know if the god of s} weatber ia Thor. Weather y's—Those used at the end ¢ “ramy " and * sunny.” What sort of attention does one ususlly mw with at hotals? Inn-attention. There are a good many high whinesin the tilleries of the West.—.drcadian. Every cloud hasasilver lining—except Cloud. . Hisg hining 18 l:cppex—eolouxd. AT + Bure, which 18 the entrance out ? ” asxedny Irishman at a railway-station, the other day. * My son,” said a Democratic father, ** never break your word when it pays better to keeps promise.” Waolearn from the New Orleans Republiamy that kestled rum entertainments are popular in Southern society. Ax English woman advertises hernelf 18 cams cutter to the Royal family. She praciices i “the light, fantastic toe.” 5 A bliod mendicant in Paris wesrs this insxiy tion aroand his neck : * Don't be ashamed 13 give onlya sou. Ican's see.” The small boy is now saving his peonies it order fo parchase s borrible cazicature valentizs to send to his big brother's girl. A tramp lately asked a Iady for money. & offerod him food. * Gracious!™ was his obsue vatiou, **do you think I can eat all the tims#® . * Button parties™ ara popular in the West We don’t know whence they derived their nans, u’x;less it's because they're always sure to coms off. A man in Keotucky was found dead with foun teen bullet-holes in his hexd, aud s Coronar's jury retarned a verdict of ** death from uadu excitement.” ‘How mnch to take ma to tha cathedral?* asked a tourist juat arrived in Dublin of & hacke man. ‘* Well,"saiil Pat, **the meanest maa § ever took gave me 3 shillings.” A philologist has discoverad what ailed Roder- 1ck Dho wes & not uncommon malady, them Lkoown by the vame of James Fitz James, bay since corrupted into Jim-Jams, “ Patrick, where's the whisky I gave youto clean the windows with ?” * Och, maser, I just drank it ; =nd I thonght, if I breathed on the glasa, 1t would be all tae same.” Scene : The cattle-shov—Cockney Exquisite: **Can you—aw—tell me—whers I zhall find tas —aw—prize piga?” Country Wit: *Whox in the cattle hog, o’ course.”—Punch. A Boston grocer was telling & newspaper-msa that it was simply throwing away money to ad- vertise, when the Sheriff came io and sbatup the atore. Ketribation is always loatiog aroud —Detroit Free Press. A bald man was sadly astonished to find b3 French barber’s chaiges so high: *Ten f; o exclaimed he, *for cutitng my hairl” 0! no, monsieur, not for cotting your hair, but fo finding de bair to cot.” It is said that s Virgioia man, who has lately had debriam tremens, saw angels insiesdof snakes, and now all the saloons in tho plsed where ho lives aro fizhting over the hoaora! bLaving sold him his whisky. Stagnation does not prevail m all trades. 4 florist being asked the nsnal question, “Hon't .businesy ?"" replied, * First rate! I have not hsd 80 many firstclass funerals for a year.”" This# a fact.—Bostbn Commercual Bulletin. . A Schenectady mzn conldn’t take & job at savs ing wood because he hadn't & saw. When sont one gave him a saw he onruldn’t raise mosey eaongh to have it filed. When he got over tasé ditlicnlty he found he bad no saw-buck, and 1t down and wept and became entirely disco A French lady of title fell ill andcalizdins doctor, who cured her. Tne man of medicio requested to be permitted to pring on biscatd * Physician to her Grace.” *- Impoasibls,”ssid tho latter ; “I have a_physiciau-in-ordinsy. tiVell, wo will ge: aver that dufficalsy,” ropled e doctor. ** 1 will put on m o jcian to her Grace when ilyu is ilL'“y RS Smidking writes from Florida that this crooo- dile mania is not what 1t is crocked up to b Last weak he shot at one, and 1 sta the ballet and then chased him to the hotel piazzs- lost his bat and waded in water to his armoith! ruming his wateh. ‘The white muslin Isdiss ?m&: Of“sl‘:fldou the piazza wers VUES rude, or they langhed 1mmoderately and cs! kins Du Chaillu in disguise. i A certain parson, who is also a schiool-teschets handed a problem to his class in mathemstidd the other ahy. The first boy took it, lookedat it awhile, and said, I paas.”” Second boy t00¥ it, and eaid "I turn it down.” The third boy ntaied :t xt‘v\;while. and drawled ;n;:l csn’ wmake it.” “Very good, boys,” said 1l E‘“‘ »*wo will proceed to edt for s new deal” Asd the awitch danced liks ligktning over the shoul ders of those depraved young matnematiciass- There i8 a story in Keatucky of a Union Qus™ termaster who was captared by the Rebel Ge> Morgan during the late unpleasantoess. Mo gan, being an old friend of_bis, treated him 3~ tremely well for a week and then announced @ him that ho might go North,—he bad been &3 changed. The Quartermaster was not 0varjos- ed; hahad had a good time, but he looked 81 though he still needed something to make bapps. *Can I do anytbing for you 2" ask Morgan ; and the Quartermastor replied, “ Well qu.i Jobn ; couldn’t you just burn up mY VoUC! ers2” [ —— Prophecics for 1576, London Punch. A A great many peoole will marry in haste, 83 proceed to enjoy the dolightfal sensation ko023 ag *'repenting ac leisuro.” A few will mary 3 leisuro and repent in haste. There will be s&¥ ernl railway accidents. Some explosions (40 mostic and othermse) may be looked for. Los of soung men will have difficaities with $belr watch-keys about2 a.m. There will bewm; changes of government in France. A lot o people will write bad novels. A lot mors Peo- ple will be intensely bored by reading the same- Many people will send contributions to She made her preparations for going, without further words at the time. usnrry“ sigaified a;x;.hu aagent to nor declination of the invita- which will bo rejected. Many people witl there fore hate, abuse, and loathe Punch for l mginder of their Lves 2 the =