Chicago Daily Tribune Newspaper, October 3, 1875, Page 8

8 THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE: SUNDAY OCTOBER 3, 1875.—SIXTEEN PAGES. seems to have been pretty thoroughly canvasserl. Married man, bachelor, and callow youth— ¥.—That means you, Ned ! A.M.——have contributed facts and figures with roference to salary and expenaes of living. to the support of family and the support of self Maidens young and maidens well on in years bave written of masculine extravagance and bit~ terly upbraided the squsndering of & salary which should support a wife. But how few of all these writers—how few!—seem to realize in tbat which joins man and woman forever, the importance of the element Love. The first grest cause of humsn happiness is - set a8ide for paltry bickerings over dollars and cents; the tie which binds - togethor the family circle must give preceaence to silly accusations of mutual extravagances, while charge ia piled on charge, and recrimination on recrimination. Let no one go_beforo me in ad- miration of the carefal providence which looks forward to to-morrow, iu respect for the pro- found refiection which precedes the giving and taking in marriage. But let no one tell me that pure and perfect love on the part of man and of ‘woman shall fail to find a satisfactory adjust~ ment of pecuniary matters. A woman true and lozal gladly measures the expense of her ward- robe and amusements by the amount of her young husband's salary ; & loving busband will Jjoyfuily relingnish his own individual pleasare to promote the happiness of his family. The no~ ceacing flow of letters carpingat ‘‘extravagsuce,’ proceeds from young men and women unmarried; show mo » letter in all this long controve: from » man or woman who entered the marriage state with feelings of affection and eaxsem."thlt twangs this one string of ‘‘extravagance.” A mutas! faith and confidence smoothed all the difficulties which our wise young people are now raising in the way of marriage. Love was King; goldsatat the foot of the throme. My desr pephew and niece, leave this senseless chatter on extravagance ; and when you, Edward, have 1aid your life and fortune at the feet of {he woman you love with sll the strength of your sonl, and you, Fanny, have entered into an ‘aili- ance whose enduriog basis is love and esteein, the firet to offer her congratulations—the first to prophesy happy lives—ahall be your AUNT MARTEA. AN “EQUIVALENT” SPEAKS. To Blisha Worth and his tharty moral rriends : Cmicago, Sept. 27.—What a blessing it is to the community at large that you well-to-do young gentlemen decline to marry ; for, judging from your own account, should any girl be o un- fortunate as to accept one of your * moral,” THE YOUNG FOLKS. Still More on the All-Engross. ing Subject. Watrimony Considered in a Great Variety of Phases. Some Practical, Some Romantic, Some Satirical, and Some Ridic- ulous. Bet Al of Them Interesting to Such as Eave an Interest in the Matter. And What Individuals Are There Who Do Not Have Such Interest? Hone, So Far as Heard from, Whatever Their Sex, Race, or Age. YOUR FIRST SWEETHEART. Bus seemed in your boyhiood s pure and falr 43 » smowflake flcating sdown the air, And every time you passed ber ¥ou hung your head a3 yon burried by. 1t made you tremule to bave ber nigh; In the tender gaze of her azure eyo Your glad young beart beat faster, o Trvans ughier you Toved 1 leae r Jnyons laughter you loy & Ana, while you looked and Listened, Tou saw ber beautiful golden curls, The envy of all the otber girls, er cheeks wers red and the toeth like pearls That in her eweet mouth glistcned. Iz the district school-room, you loved to look At hier fair, young face o'er your thumb-wora book— ‘How sweet and good you thought ber, When the tescter turned bis back awhils It made Jou bap) edw mhmfl'& set, shois to be pitied. Wo bave long known As 300 iyly hauded Across ibod hat a selfish and conceited lot you are, bat did The apples you had brought hor. wha! 3 0 AP RTNS not think you would be frank enough to con- fess it yourselves, as Elisha bravely does in his letter. DBut as ‘‘Honest confession is good for the soul,” he undoubtedly feels better for so doiong. S0 you think the girls are all anxiously waiting for the happy day when you will 8o far come down from the lofty heights where you imagine yourselves to be 2s to condescend to take ene of these *‘ extravagant, frivolous girla™ for bet- ter or worse,—if you can get her, or if she can prove that she is an equiralent for all your many manly virtues; and can show just cause why she, poor, ordinary mortal, ehould aspire to the honor of living with such an angel as you &ho said she loved you, Yo probably smiled, 4nd even fanced, tho’ but a cbild, You could not live without her. Dimid and few wers the words you #sid, ¥hen you drew ber home upon your sied— Tou ste your supper, and went to bed, And dreamea il night about her, Fou grew to manhood and left the town ; Bhe married a farmer and settled down. Your lives were never blended. Pon tailed snd sirnggled for Wealth and famey And both of those 'fifiy Iflnvon came, \nd, after many & g fiame, Your youtbful dreams were ended, Fon married, st last, s worldly wife ; * Then, changes came in your busy lifs "That lett their sober traces. Your children lambered about vour chalr, is nob thoronghly disgusted with the shsms and foibles of hshim};nhle society. I mean the young man of business, not the besn Who wears fash- ionable neckties and parts his hair inthe middle. He is not fit for anything but a dapper dry-goods clerk, and nardly fit for that, Buot these seem to be the ones our city belles select for eecorts. What else cac she do? Businesa men do not daoce. But the girls do, and the dancing bean is selected io place of the business men, use they (the beaux) know how to chatter silly noth- ings, and business men talk sense, and weary the fashionable Welle of to-day. 5 There, Mr. Editor, I have stated the case as it stands, eilly girls and sour old maida to the con- trary notwitbstanding. This is the fact, and cannot be denied. Now, what is the cure for this socisl rottenness ? This comivg winter there will be an unususl amount of amusements and gayety in our midet, among which there are to be many fine literary entertninments and lectures. Now, if the young ladies will attend theseinstead of the daucing clubs, and try and cultivate the head 1n8tead of the heels, we may at the end of winter hope tosee an approach to the Boston and New England typo of society,—intellectusl and sensible, with a head fall of good thonghts, snd & good and warm heart to carry them ount. Young mep, do not organize clubs, but if you will, then let them be literary and social, nob dancing ones. I know you are sick of dancing and society sbams, but areafraid you will lose the girls entirely if you do not dance. But you won't; they will come where you are, and if yon attend intellectual feasts they mustneeds go too. The girls are not so bad but they can be roform- ed, and if you only insist upon their leaving off the vile fashions of the day, they will. They only conform to fashien's rules to plesse you. ‘Then let us try and bring around that so-much- needed reform. Let us work with one acoord, and in ths meantime we both will be benefited, and mey yet live to find some of the bread thrown upon the waters return tous, yeas even after many days. Mr. Editor, I trust youn are not wearied by my longthy homily. The case demands it, and hop- ing that I may have been able to cause some ons to stop and think for & moment, I am hopefully, Y B. Free, EXPERIENCE OF A DIVORCED MAN. Zo the Editor of The Chicago Trivune : Crrcago, Oct. 2,—As a divorced man, allow meto rive and cxplain my experiencs. I frealy 20mit that the holiest aud sweetest fiction of earth is, firat, love, then marriage, and then hap- piness. Thia is the way I long have sought, And mourned because I found it not, ‘When quite o child, mother often said: *Marry, my son, marry at au early age, and marry st all bazards,” bat father said:: ** Boy, go slow.” I remember of father giving me 10 cents to memorize the following : Alas! my eon, you little know The sorrows that from wedlock flow, Tarewell to every day of eare When you have got & wafe to please, ‘Whereupon mother gave me 10 cents to racits abount the house— Oh ! happy is the man and hlest, No wonder tlat it pride him, When some dear lass that he likes best Comes sitting down beside I deem it unneceasary to narrate the exoiting contest in which my fond parents compromised this dificulty. As for myself, I grew in love, and I cared little for dollars and cents or conse- great many married couples that regret from the bottom of their hearts the tie that binds them, and only celebrate their wedding day as the only happy day they have spent together. Scmo of these are silly couples. who iried to etaruin life where theirfathers were ieaving off. 1t 18 80 much better to begin life nt tho bottom of the hill and sgea tne top looming up in the hopeful fotore than to be put suddenly on the highest _poak at = dizzy height and feel. yoursel? gradually sliding down never to ses the top but by back- ward glances. very few young men &re capable of taking care of money they did not earn. Young couples that get married for other eople, that care for Ars. Grandy's opinion, had tter wait until they are very rich. But young people that get married fcr themselves, that think of the three hundred (300) days of sweet communion with each other, and not of the sixty-five (65) days they will probably ehare with other peog‘e, can marryand be bappy on a small income. Thereis no qaesttor about it. There are thres kinds of married couples that prove unhappy. X will tell you who they are, and why itis 8o, in another leiter. The young man that wishes some lady to prove thatshe is an equivalent to the fresdom and pleasures he now enjoys, is a hopeless case, and the cold hollowness of hotel life is best suited to bim. If he has not in his heart a picture of & home with & true wife that loves him ; if he can't feel that thera is something in this life besides being comfortable,—I am sure no girl will attempt to persuade him to change his mode of hiving. FANNY A. DREAMER. A THREE-MILLION HEIRESS SPEAKS. 2o the Editor of The Chicaco Tridune: Carcado, Sept. 29.—If you can spare me space T sbould like to sny something on behalf of the wealthy class of girls sbout this marriage ques- tion. So much has been said about our extrava- gance, and the belief scems to bo so general that, because we are used to have, and to spend, a great deal of money, therefors we cannot make good wives for pour men, that I have de- termined to show that people judge us only from the outside, and are mistaken. We are extrav- agant, but our fathers are sbleto bearit; we do not work, for we have never been taught how ; we know nothing of sewing, for all our lives some one has sowed for us. But let occasion arise when we ars obliged to give up the luxuries wo have been nsed to ana go to work, aud wo can do it aa cheerfally as those who have worked all their lives. In proof, I will cite the case of my own sister, who was the most extravagaut girl I knew. SheandI were the only children of very wealthy parents, who denied us nothing. When she was 19 she bocame engaged to s gon- tloman whose entire income was $900 a year. How was she ever to live on that, when in one day she bad spent a thousand? She did nos know a ham from a piece of steak, hardly knew the use of a broom, and had never done a yard of gewing in her life, yet all these things would require to be understood by the wife of a poor man. Six months passed ; overy morn- ing she was with the cook and housemaid, and in the afternoon with the seamstress. At the end of that time she conid cut, fit, and make any article of clothing, and she could almost equsl the cook in cooking. On her 20th birthday ind you were happ to have them thers— So other childres scemed Lall 3 fair ; You smiled at their glad faces. four form is bent and your hair is gray. Four hitle lwag.:mrl:. b‘u paesed away. "Tis years since last you parted. For time has you. The years have fled. The other day, when you alowly resd 'n your morning paper, ahe was dead, ‘With aad surprise you started. Fon dropped your paper upon the floor ; Tou thought of daya that would come 00 mors, Of words you on:; hl'.d told ber { And, wi) away a silent tear, T e toyommselt 1 o How sirange and quesr, ibe is in Heaven, and I am Lere : s00n have both grown older.” ofl?‘“, T Eveerx J. Harn, AUNT MARTHA. FANNY, AND EDWARD. Fo the Editor of The Chicago Tribune: Cmcaco, Sept. 26.—Allow me to introduce my two young friends, Edward and Fanny; scene, e breakfasi-room. Fanny—Oh, here’s Tne Tarsuse! I wonder— mro it be—do youn suppose they have printed my stter? Do let mesco! Oh, Ned, sure as the rorld here it is! Half a column, and signed the #Fair Unknown.” Edward—\What! that wonderfol letier of yours, whose composition gave you such a ter- nble headache, and about whose fate you have continnaily worried for the last weok ? F.—How nice # looks in print! *‘To the Edi- tor of Tae Cmicaco Trieune: Ibave long been interested "—Oh, Ned, run up-stairs and get the sciesora ! E.—But do lot me ses this remarkable produc- tion. Bemember you didn't allow me to see the manoseript. ' Hum! Let me see. “Extrava- ganthabita of our yonng men,” *¢ scented pocket- handkerchiefs,” ** waxed mustaches,” ** billiard- Ralls,” “ yonng spendthrifts"—Oh Faony, Fao- ny, why did yon write that abominable nonsense ? F.—*Abominable nonsense,” sir! Abominable nonsense ? Ssy, rather, the solemn truth ! Ques- tion it, if yon can! The looseness and extrava- gance of thelife of the young men of y iS— E.—* Constantattenaance at theatres,” “cigars and tobacco,” ‘- intowicating drinks,"——and so, Fan, yon swell the great crynow rising to Heav- en's bloo dome, over the maeculine vices and extravagances! Inthe wordsof Miss* Bpry,” you ery **boo™ because somebody else cries ‘“bear.” F.—Now, cousin Ned, you lmow thar— E.—And, strangely enough, you are dumb with regard to female fanits and follies. You say notbing of the inability of the majority of young women to support themselves ; nothing of their reckless expenditure of their fathers bard-earned money ; nothitig of false hair and pinned-back dreeses, of love for society and in- cifference toward home-life, of— F.—0, come, come, Ned, that will do. You know you are unfair. Read in Tux TRIEDNE 1be Jetters from m;;:;:ht gum:glgma wlI:u gl(ory in the power to su| ernselves, who, for- nhimzp&e gayeties of Society, live in sn'd for their homes, who—- E.—Very pretty! ‘Itis to be regretted that heir number is 8o small. T“i cannot, however nuble may be their lives, be a8 represen- tatives of the sex. They are bright and shining examples, but they must not, they cannot, lend their light to their faintly glimmering sisters. ‘rhe young woman of to-day is as I bave repre- sented ber ; the young man—- F.—Ah yes! the young man, the noble, the virtnous young man ot to-dsy! The paragon of 2l perfections! Tho essence of all excellences ! Tho—ornsment of Chapin & Gore's connter ! ‘E.—The voung lady, the model young Iady of to-day! The focus of all virtues! ~ The prudent snd economieal housemfo ! The chief adom- ‘went of Fieid & Leiter's counters ! F.—The ** Storo!"” vagance ! F.—Ex-travagance! Look over the way. See Tom Fielding lolling there upon his father's doorstep—a young man who has never earned a cent in his life, but whose extravagance is the talk and wonder of the neighborhood ! E.—And look at Julia Thomseton, who was here to dinoer last ovening ; whose sbility for earning money is to her ability for speoding it 85110100 Can youask why wo salaried young men do not marry, when the reason is before you overy hour in theday? e require wives,—wives 1n the true sense of the word ; no heipless piece of_finery must share our hives and fortunes. F.—What gross angpmmna! **Still harp- ing™ on extravagance ! Say. rather, that you do not marry because you prefer to spend your money on yourtelves, because you hold the enjoyments of a bachelor hfeStoo dear to resign for the calmer joys of married life. E.—Al! bere comos Aunt Marths. A trace, Ipray. She shall decide between us. Aunt Martha—Well, my dears, why these high- itched voices, these flushed faces? Some de- to of unusual warmth, even for you, I shonld i e, ml“FEOh. Aunt Martha, isn't it the fault of the ices— youngmen? Their foilies, their extravagan: . M.—Yes, dear Fanny, in spite of this not quite . You_ are discusing the question of Teoxe atten- tively for some weeks past, Ihxva a9 difficalty 2cidve positions. You, Fanny, bewail tho faclts cf tha young men;. Edward, ameat the follics of ths young women. ** Charge peeps OT cuzve, and faults verv lacid explanstton, I understand eanly. o ma‘nmony. Haviog resd Tou in st_once defining your recp: Tou ongm:u arise.” Am I not mgat ? F. ow, aunt, Go you blame me ? A. M.—And refer the matter to me 2. E.—Aunt, I mmplore you, straighten this thiog out. A, M.—{ have read carefully ot dollars and ceats i3 concerned the various let- tors in which yon have taken 8o grest an inter- est, and the question of marriage, 88 far as the mare matter profess to be. You eay our argument to these well-to-do gen- tlemen is, in sutstance, this: * Work hard, economize, accumulate, and then merry one of us.” Iam very sure if we waited for you to do the first three. we would have to wait some time,—till you were nearer G0 than 85,—that is, if you ever accomplished it. Besides, what girl in her right mind would marry & man whose chief aim is to ** enjoy lLfe splen- didly,” or bave an increasing round of drives, lectures, and entertainments ? You odmit thas each s:de must show an * oquivalent,” but what equivalent can you offer, for all that marriage demsuds ? Fromyour own sccounts, nothing, but the honor, if it may be so called. of being your wife—an honor that aby sensible girl might “ respectfully declive.” For why should a girl leave & pleasant homs to share the fortunes of & man like yourseif ? In the present state of affairs, coald yon poeeibly offer any inducement great enough to warrant such a sacrifice on her part? Yon simply imply that the risk is all on your side, but in this you are very much mistaken. To bs sure, in one sense, a man’s happiness is a8 groat to him as a woman's to her; yet, 1f a man's home be unpleasant, he has other resources for enjoyment which a woman has not. By this I do not mean enjoyment that would compensate for the loss of a happy home of his own, for that would be impoesible, but in outside pleasure he may find some relief, whilo to her thero is Joft no alternative but to keep on with the household drudgery, ard, if sho is unhappy, bear it. Lathrop very truly seys, in his poem enti- tled *“A Woman's Answer,” A loving woman finds heaven or hell On the day she is made a bride., By the way, this poem illustrates better than any I have ever seen the requirements of the sexes, and I would advise you to resd i, if yon pever have, and would algo refer yon to ““A Man's Requirements,” by Mrs. Browniog, 28 a good_illustration of the modern lord’s many de- mands. Then we, 00, are not 80 sentimental as to sup- pose that marrisge is the chief aim in life, and—strange 28 1t may Bcem— L think most of us would - rather be ‘“left” than, as ‘“Nettie” says, “wear our lives awsy to keep a comfortable home for | yon while you are down-town flying aronnd with some other girl, or attending concerts, entertain- ments, ete.” Sodon't worry, Elicha! Yon will probably be left some time to enjoy your splen- did life at the hotel. Don't imagine for a mo- ment that we think of trying to disturb you. ‘We only think what a pity it is that your parents did not feel in the same way that vou do, for then we might perhaps have been epared the example of Elisha Worth and his ** thirty moral Ifriends,” who prefer an easy, selfishlifoata fashionable hotel to the manly support of a bome. To show you the style of man we girla admire, I will close my communication by quoting the Iast verse of a beautiful little poem entitled *My King,” which was published ih Harpers some time ince : ‘Hemust be courteons toward the lowly, Hh lhr; ‘gfluk apd lom:;l.mlz\'ing ;:ool H e must be cotrsgeous, refincd, and holy, By nature exalted, and firm, and true.r To such I might fearlessly give the keeping Of love that would never outgrow its spring ; There would be few tears of o syoman’s weeplog 1f they loved such a man as my king—My King. EGLANTINE. COMPLIMENTS OF H B. F., AND SOME MORE ALLUSIONS. To the Biitor of The Chswago Tribune : Cmicaco, Sept. 26.—Having arranged myself comfortably, lighted my pipe, and being pre- pared to give the ‘‘scurrilons ™ letters in your issue of this bright morning due consideration, I sdvance to the attack by sustaining my own point. It Miss Spry will allow me, I would acknowledge ber compliment, also the kind mention of Aliss Nettie W., and Mixs Bruneite. Ladies, allowme to tender my most heartfelt thanks for your thoughts. Probsbly my conceit is very large, but I refrain from replying personally to your several lettors. As thisis s question of * Why the Young Folks Do Not Marry,” I cannot see what *‘pereonalities ” bave to do with it. Batit is go like & woman's argument to say that, be- cause a young man is notinclined towards them, he is & fool, or has been jilted, that I will pess tho smbject, and eimply refor my antag- onists to the letter of *Elisba Worth,” wha, though a stranger to me, is yet of my opinion on thia snbject. Thus, haviog Jaid the personsl etters aside, I return to the subject matter under consideration. The young men of to-day are by no means per- fect, and probably the efforta of the best of wives will prove unavailing to make them so. Yet I maintain that their (the girls’) influenceon them would be of the greatest benefit were it not that their own great love for fashion and its fancies make them but poor coneorts for us. The young suthor has spoken, but after a time ke finds his man feels this, but "what ghall much are too mt tirely of thacity belle. There ia ‘man of 18 or 20 looks with fond eyes on the girls of the day, and vsioly looks for the *¢Minister- ing Angei” of which his father or sorie poetic fancies flown, and then resorts to the follies of his sex. But these soon pall on/ his wearied taste, and then comes that cynicism which looks through the ehams of society. He settles tolive within himself, his books, sand his business, and mourns the fate that has cast hislot amongst ‘' whited sepuichres.” It is the law of Nature for men and women to marry, and every young he do? Where are the New England. dsugh- ters, thrifty and homelike, of fifty years ago ? Impossible to find them amongst the guests that throng our parlors to-day. Our mothers are too engrossed in household economy to look where tbeir daughte:s stand among the fashion- able coterie of soctety, and they (the daughters) uch carried away with ita shams to fol- Jow their mothers’ example., 3ind, I speak en- scarcely & youog maa in the city who they were married, and went immediately to their new homs, a cottage furnished by my father and mother. All the pictures were drawn or painted by my sister, and also all the fancy articles were alao made by her. Hers they com- monced life on just his salary, for he would not accept aoything from my father. She did ber work except tha washing, and I know she was prouder of her littlo home than she ever had been of the beautiful, luxurious one she had Ieft. At the end of tho year 3 little boy came to shar their home, and’ for a long time after hecame my mster could not do eny- -thing about the house; of course, a girl and nurse had to be hired, and, whea she finally took charge agan, there wero many debts to b paid. Nothing daunted, she took upon herself tha en- tire work, washing, caring for baby, sewing, even to making her husband's shirts and panta. The debts were paid, and they began to lay up something for time of trouble, The years passed bappily till tho little boy was 4 years -old, when he was taken with diphthe- ria’ and died, and, s week after, my sister and & little girl o few days ald went to meet him. When I think of my sister, reared in laxury, every wish gratified, giving up allto be the wife of a poor msn, and never once uttering 8 complaint at the hardships of her married life, and then read, as I havo read lately, the sncers and taunts that aro written ogainet us as a class, by those who take afew as the representatives of the whole, I feel as it I must correct the er- roneous opinions that people hold of us. I am proud to say that. though Iam heiress to over $3,000,000. I understand housekeeping in all its departments thoroughly. I am 19, but have mever been in love or even had a fancy for any one ; bat shonld a man that I loved cver offer himeelf to me I would say “Yes,” thongh he had but $600 a year, and, remembering the happy married life of my mister in spite of poverty, 1 should feel assured of bappiness, I have much more tosay, but have alresdy transgressed limits, 80 will wait till eomo other time, Bearzrce. READ THIS CAREFULLY. To the Editor of The Chicago T'ribune : Cmcaco, Oct. 1.—The views of Elisha Worth are severe, but not more 8o than the sitnation demands. My opinion is that a woman, as a helpmate, is an equivalent for all that marriage domands, providing the husband is able to mect those demands. A man shonld fully understand his position befora taking upon himself the re- 'sponsibilities of a married life. Tho question We wish to have answered is : What is the lesst income & man may marry upon ? To answer it in a satisfactory manner, we must resort to tig- ures. I receive $1,000 per annum, My actnal necessary expenses per annum are as follows : Basrd and room. Clothing (business suits, Clothing (extra suit) thing. quonces. My sentiments wera : Let the young bo glad, though cares in crowds Leave scarce & break of blue, For hope gives wings to morning clouds, And while their shade the eky enshrouds, 1f woman's love but through them shine, They ars turned toa golden hue, Believing therefore— That love the sunny world supplfes, With laughing lips and happy eyes, I longed for one— ‘Whose love might seck its way into my hears, As will & bird into her secrat nest. And eoon I found the lady I Joved— ‘The music of ber voice I heard, Nor wist while it enslaved me. 1 eaw ber eyes, yet nothing feared Till fears no more have ssved me, In ecatacies I exclaimed— Blest as tho immortal gods is he, Tne youth who fondly sits by thee; And hears aud sees thee all the whils 80 softly speak, so sweetly smile, No description could do her justice: One tear that in her eye did start <ould wash all purpose from my hearh— Save that of Joving ber. * At length ehe delicately forwarded to me the following tonching line, or woras, to that effect : Aly thoughts are happler oft than I, For they are avar, Jove, with thee; And thine I know as often fly O'er all that severs us to me. Like Taya of stars they meet in space And mingle in a fond embrace. Oh ! wonld I wero the bright blue air Waich doth insphere thino eyes, That thou might'st meet me everywhers, By the above I was entirely overcome, and so T married. On peaco and rest my mind was bent, And fool, I was, I married, But never honest man’s intent As cursedly miscarried. In s few months I was ready o exclatm: Oh 1 really, reslly, love {3 bonny, A little whilo when it is new; But when it's old, it wazeth cold, And fades like the morning dew. Finally I suggested & fow modifications about the house, when quickly my wifo bade me fare- well substantially as follows : Husband, husband, cease Four strife, Nor longer idly rave, mr ; Though 1 am your wedded 'wife, Yet 1 am not your slava, sir. 1¢ “tis still the ordly word, Service and obedience, Il desert my sovereign lord, And 50 good-by allegiance. From that day to this I have not seen her. Alay the Lord be with her if he can endurs the company. She was an angel in disguise, and very.well disguieed. I can only exclaim— Talk not of love, it gives me pain, For love has been my foa; He bound me with an {ron chain, Arzd plunged me deep in woe. My experience has proved— ‘That naught is found by sea or land That can a wayward wife withatand, And this advice naturally follows : Ob! let not a lovely form With fesling Gl Ehine eye ; Oh! letnot the bosom warm At any lndy’s sigh, For how false is the fairest breast, How little worth If true, And who wonld wieh possessed What all must scorn or rue? Then pass by beauty with looks above, Oh ! seek never, ehare never waman’s love. For » moral I can only say— aaafisssg .. --$716 ‘This sum may possibly be reduced 8100. This would leave my expenses $616. I would then have a balance of $334. Now allow me to show you another account. Taking a sensibloand not & supposititions view of the case, you will, I thiok, find that the sdvantage is in favor of a It is not unto creatures given single life : To acale the parposes of Heaven, Rent (minfmum).. House supplio Always just and kind; But before God's mighty breath Life and epirit, dust and death, The boundless'All is driven, Like clouds by wind. Moszs Mooxre. “LOVE MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND.” To the Editorof The Chicago Tribune: Cmcaao, Oct. L—This marriage question has becn agitated 80 much lately that I at last faal 88 if I bad something to say. I think too little is paid to love. ‘'T1s love, "tis Jove makes the world go around.” Why is it that our grla pin back their dresses, crimp their hair, and adopt all the little harmless follies Dame Fashion may Wife’s clothing.. Sunds Total oo . And my own actual expenses, loas board and. 200 (8396)..... . 2 ‘We would thus have left us tha handsome sum of $30 to enjoy wedded life with, and for the doctor in case of sicknesa. For my part, I'll have none of it. The ladies, 1know, ure great managers. I chink, however, they would find it difficalt to make * both ends meet” at the end of the year upon the sum I s d. If they can show me how. the suggest, but to please some George or Obarley ? bave name 3 n y Idon't suppose that any youog man loves or | frbm tnem be lessened, I should iike to hear Many of the defalcations of hard, overworked clerks is to be attributed to theirinability to sup- port their family upon an incomse ranging from 800 to 31,400 a year. They dlipped their heads into the matnmonial noose, giving no thought whstever to the fature. The blias of the honey- moon was soon & thing of the past. Tho stern reality of life was before thein, the romance of the conrting daya was over, and the rez! facts of wedded Life were spread ont to their gaze. They find it hard to_give up every pleasurs which formerly made life 80 pleasant ; necessity, s the oid e goes, ia the mother of inven- tion ; they will find more poetry than truth in the saying. Adollargoesbut alittle way ; the poor busband rasorts to the surest, swiftest roads to rain to keep the ball rolling. Too soon ho Iearns the great mistake ho has made. Let the wife economizo ever 8o well, still they cannot keep the spectre from the door. She does not complain, yot she often thinks, if ghe had only known how hard & would be to get along, they would have waited & year or two longer. %0 not drawr the pictare 00 gloomy. Let those who wish paint the bright side ; remem- ber, there are always two sides to & question. I would not marry haviog to depend upon ray present salary, because I know it would b inad- equate 10 support two. Itisall well enough to taik ; we must be governed by facts. ‘Whers there 18 one young lady who would be willing to toil and saffer there are nine who would not. They are not willing to give up the pieasures of & single 1ife, even for the joys of a wedded one. unless they are fully assured that the change would be to their advantage. 1 do not belisve, with ** Elisha Worth,"” that the reason young men do not m is becauss they prefer s single life to a married ope. Mind, Iam spoaking of Wem of Limied mpans. They would marries a girl because of a bit of ribbon or carl of bair, but all these little things attract and may lead to love. Eve plaited herself a fan with which to hide her face from her up- braiding « lord. and charmed away his anger by peeping over the top with an imploring glance. Adam looked at her with great surprise. He did not know she had such eyes. Hence this spark of admiration was fan- ned into a flame of love. A sensible young man will go to his Dulcinea andstudy her face, listen toher conversation,and, if he is not very stupid, can make up his mind whether she is the girl for him or not. If she is 8 nice, sonsible girl, and her rather is rich, in- dulging berin a grest many laxuries that yon know you can't give her. and you love her, tell her you love ber, and all about your prospects in life. If she loves you there is nc subject she will like to hesr about s0 much as that. And she will have more ideas in & moment than you will in & momth. If yon truly love cach other you will get married. And, if your father-in-law has his heartin the right place, he will take pleasurs in giving his dangh- ter s nice little sum to lay away for a rainy gay ; and tke interest on that money will give her a cood maoy little things she would not ask yon for, that you would never think of but that she would miss. Now if the girl happeas to be in moderate circumstances, she will not mias any little luxuries by leaving her father’s house. Young men have au idea that they can't a rich girl, snd don't dare marry a poor girl Now I'dont think there was ever s conple that the little blind god smiled npon but that can get wapied andbe happy. 1 kuow there axe & marry if they could, but they are wise enough to ‘“look before they leap.” It would be very pleasant to have somo one to care for. to work for, to protect. It would maks an anchorite happy to koow that there was somo one waiting to wel- coms bim to & plezsact hoxme after ths labors of the day. Look upon the othorside. He has married, expecting an increase of salary. Heis disap- pointed. He thinks of his wife suffering for tho actual necessities of life, yet she mever com- plains ; the future is very dark, and he clenches his hands in agony and curses himgelf for his stopidity at not having weighed the cost of the Yenture. Young mep, if you mnst marry upon a thou- sand &_year, Beek & home away from the great city. You can neverlive upon the sum named in acity, where wesalth ever has the mastery. But why need you be in such ahurry? Wait until you get an advance of salary, and then wait ngain. Be sure you know the ground you are treading before you assume aoy risks. Re- member youare taking upon yourself the re- sponeibility of snother's happiness and welfars. Let that deter you, if nothing else, from acting hastily, and, a8 you will find to your sorrow, nua- ‘wisely. 1If one marries for luxury, he will ind a wife an expensive one, A young man who can afford to think of matrimony cannot be too carefal in his selection of a partoer. Somebody who thinks he knowsa all sbout it, gives bis opinion of ‘‘Wnat men need wives for,” as follows: It isnot to sweep the house, make the bede, and cook the meals chiely that a man wants a wife. If thisis all he needs, hired hetp cao do it cheaper than & wife. If thisis &ll, when o young man calls to see a lady, send him into the pantry to taste the brend and cake she has made; se. ;i him to inspect ncedlewcrk and bed-making,or 1.%4¢ y broom in her bund and send him to witness 1 ise. Such things are important, and the wise yinng man will quickly look after them, but whai iue “wruz-win wanta with a wifo is her companionehip, sympa- thy. and love. The way of life has many dreary places in it, and & man needs 5 compsanion to go with him. A man is sometimes overtaken by misfortuno; he msets with failure and defeat; trials eud’ temptations beset him, and he needs one to stand by and sympathize. He hes some bard battlea to fight with enemies and sin, and be neods a woman that when he pnts s arm aronnd her, he feels that he has semthing to fight for, and then she will help him fight. Knowing this, ought we not to fally under- stand whether we will be able to protect and care for her? We shiould not let sentiment rua away with our brains, Remember, ** Those who mar- ry in hastorepent at leisure.” Permit mo to say a few worda to Miss * Nettie " 1 admue your piquant style, but think you have strayed from the quastion at issue. WWe are not discussing the extnvugnm:e of either one sex or the other. The problem we are try- ing to solveis, Whnt snm is necessary to the maintenance of & wife ? When this question is answered satisfactorily, then we are prepared to discuss the queation of extravagance. * 8ir Pertinax,” vour letter was a most excel- lent ope, and to the point. It reflects credit upon the writer. Your suggestions are good ; if followed they will be of benefit to any and every one. VErKON. SOME PLAIN TRUTHS. Tothe Editor of The Chicaco Tribune: Cracaco, Sept. 29.—My purpose in asking a place in your columns is that I may publicly answer two questions which bave recently been put to me, First—What is the true object of marriage? 1t is universally conceded that mankind are so constituted that a life of celibacy is contrary to Nature ; that there are certain passiona and de- gires common to all, and demaunding outlet. The free indulgenco of these is licanse. The proper indulgence is tbrough the Divine or- dinance of marriage. Plainly speaking, the true object of marringe is the intelligent reproduc- tion of our kind through the accomplishment of a perfect home-life. This involves close and continued relationship between man and woman, husband and wife. As & necessary condition to such s union, they must be congenial com- panions, the one the complement of the other, willing to took facts squareiy in the face, ready to bear apd farbear, to love, trust, believe, and help—in short, both must work together for the best development of all their facuities. . Second—What bas the ** Girl of the Period” tooffer? 1 answer, tho typical girl of the pe- riod offers a head turned with fashion and folly ; a heart dormant in its better qualities, but stim- ulated to abnormal excesses through appeal to the baser; an overdressed and malformed body; a starved soul, eyes whose freshness has long since gone out, and lips sullied by promis¢uous contact with tho chance gallants of the hour. This is the **Girl of tho Period,"—a being whose highest conception of home is a place whore she may eat, and dress, and sleep; to whom & husband is only the working part~ ner who pays the bills, and the child s preitily dressed foy to Riven over to the nurse at the first approach of weariness ; whose beart wonld never chrill with wifely love, nor be touched with the sacred- ness of motherhood. I gront you that she has her counterpart smong the no-callcd men of the day—men who have crowded back every prompting of their bet- ter eelves, and debased their natures until, pre- maturely old from this coustant warping of sonl and prostitation of body, they find nothing pure in life. To such, the “ Girl of the Period ” of- fers quite enongh—more than enough ; but what wonder that too many of our best young men shrink from the venture ? 1 know there are good and noble women wait- ing to be asked, hut their names are not on the ‘markeot list, and because they are not thrass for- ‘ward,—because, except in rare instances, their true worsh is mever seen through the glamor and glare of thoee who stand before them,—too many men, in evervthing elss logical, clear- headed, far-sceing. pass them by, and, with all their boasted depth of resenrch, make up a su- perficial estimate of the opposite sex, and be- moan their ill luck in not havirg been so for- tonate as to secure their neighbor’s wife, she being one of the few worth the winning. AMARGARET, A WORD TO THE WISE. To the Editor of The Chicago Tridune : ‘GALESBURG, 1iL., Sept. 27.—Seeing you have so Iundly invited persons so disposed to address the public through your columns on the subject of matrimony, I thought I would embrace this for- tunate opportunity. Ihave read all the articles relative {o this important subject o8 faat as they appeared with a great deal of interest, and I think lots of good advice has been given, which would bring bappinesa and prosperity if follow- ed. Some of the persons who bave written de- clare it ia the girls who are fast, and by their ex- pensive tastes, fashions, etc., prevent the yonng men from offering themselves. Others, that it is the young men themselves who, on account of their extravagance andjbad habits, are refased by the objects of their choice. Now, which is it ? Of course it is one or the other. I am inclined to think that it is six of one and half s dozen of the other, or, in other words, the difference be- twesn tweedle-dum and tweedle-dee. Bacause those persons happened to know certan girls or young men who are really *‘fast,” how came tbey to judge the whole world of young people b{ tbem? 1 am eure I don’t know, aad wonld like some one to tell me if they can. You said, Mr. Editor, you wanted some one to suggess & plan. Hereis oneyour humbleservant haa thought of, viz. : 1f the young men would only save a part of their earnings over agaiost & rainy day, and live within thewr incomes, and the girla ‘would only learn how to be good housekeepers and live economically, there world be no trouble. *+ Accuracy and dispatch” 18 & motto which will secure success to nng young man who goes by it, that is it he is qualified for the work he is at. If all the young men would read Dr. Mathews' book, entitled ** Getting On in the World,” they would find 1t worth thoussads to them. They nost remember that 1t won't do to commence where thsir fathers 2nd mothers left off. They must begin at the bottom roond of fortuse's Iadder, and climb up patiently to the top. As was remarked in the New York Trade KReporter of Sept. 25, the first thirty years of & man’s life is made up in geuing a thorough knowledge of his bhsiness and of the ways of the world. Then it is that he begins to reap success. 8o, then, fonng men, be mse; live witbin your income, 3y by a part of your salary, and when you save enongh to start Wwith and to make a home, marry 8 Rood, oal, sensible girl whom you love, 1f yor want_to have true kappiness. Perhaps youm woald hike to know who it is that is offering” all this sdvice o you gratis. can only aad that it is your iriend and well-wisher, be~ ‘beeides giving you & little sketch of myself. I am just 18 years of age: gradnated lsst June from the great “institate of Corning,"” situated in Galesburg, 1ll.;: have managed to keep myselt at school cver eince 1 was 14, partly throagh my own efforts. and in the meantime have collectad quite a sum, which is now at intercst at 10 per cent with gaod sound security. Now, to finish. Iamat wm;k |ux.zsunz my own ).\lvmg. May good luck everatiend all young couples. % FTE 9 GOSSIP FOR THE LADIES. The Elaborate Toilet of a French« woman. Alexis’ Love-Tronbles---Lively Squaw- Fight in Western Nebraska. A Conductor Who Was Too Gallant-s. General Notes of Feminine Interest. g _A FRENCHWOWMAN'S TOILET. A Paris corrospondent of the Metropolitan, sn English periodical, thus gossips in regard toa Frenchwoman's toilet: Ihad the pleasnre yes- terday of **assistiog.” as the French idiom has it,—thatis to eay, looking on, not helping,—nt tho toilot of a Frenchwoman, a genuine Parisian. I was & gocd deal surprised, that I admit ; and ebe was & good deal surprised at my surprise. She imagined that the extremes of artificiality arrived at in Paris—making s sort of dual woman a8 it were, out of one—were known to us; and sho considers us semi-barbarians since she dis- covered how much nearer the natural state we are than her compstriots. She began, my Trancaise, by submitting herself to her maid, who, on her part, began by subjecting her toa face-friction of ddax-fiysz watar ., This accomplished, the precifusiy . L S lRATRE LEae, ivory " weXea Every partivlo of . A%&putity "in the pores bad yieldea 1o the influence of the elder-flower water, with which balf & gobist 3% warm water | nad been mixed. The throat, neck, and hands partook of this refreshing dew, adding & lustre to the freshness given by a tepid bath of twenty minutes and a shower bath of five, gone through with a balf-hour befors. Nextcame a rubbing ot asecond iris-powder in the dark hair, which was short—that is to sy, not more than-a foot aud a half Jong—and rather thick. Whon the iris-powder was brushed out, and carefully re- moved at the temples and the nape of the neck, a delicate creme, similar to cold-cream, but without lard—the juice of lettuce being its main ingredient—was laid over the whole skin of neck, face, and handa, and allowed to remain ten minutes. This, I was informed, was intend- ed to do away with the contraction of the fea- tures arising from want of sleep, which want of sleep had arisen from too much cafe noir at din- per. 1had not observed any contractisn, and thought how much fancy would dc. The Paris- ian informed me that camphor and cremo had a similar composing effect upon the features, especially after the fatigues of & ball. The next thing done was the removal of every trace of th creme witb an extremely fing linen cloth. i was & ekillful operation, for, while rabbing ths skin iuto satin-ike smcothness, the femme-de- chambre did not make it red or in any way ronghen its surface. She ssemed to polish and in polishing to whiten her mistress’ complexion. ‘The next process was the application of velon- tine, a compound of bismuth and rice-powaer, baving the fixative quality of the first and the delicacy of the lastingredient. Batah! tae care with which the maid applied the prepara- tion. It was absolutely impossible, on as this *‘ neat-handed Phillis” applied 1t, to detect the presence of any foreign aid. The skin had the firm clear whiteness of alabasier with o suggestion of suony lusire and cream- iness to sabdue it. Thes came the grand affair of tho eye-brows. These were brushed with a minats aoft brush with dark bristles and a bandle inlaid with mother-of-pearl and the lesst possibie traciug of Indis ink from a emall stone jar, Isid upon them. Upon the eyes—very fino éyes nnd neeaing no aid from art —an estampe of leather, upon which the fard iodien was lightly rub 1sid now a dusky shadow, which incrensed the brilliancy of the oyes to o great, and, to my mind, nnpleasant de- gree. What was to becoms of this appliance . case of emotion I cannot eay. Perhaps s ¥rench woman only cries when she chooses. The neck and hands now partook of the bismuth gg:der whitening, and after that the bair was ssed very low on the neck, frizzed s littls over tbo forehead, and with Ivss addition of falss hair than bas been customary for years. A small Datte of pormauently-crimped bisck hair, looped with a white ivory comb cut in cameo-medal- lions, mado up this part of the toilet, only one mnkll nnglet being suffered to play about tte neck. But it was when the large peignoir was remov- ed, and the under-toilet began, that aatopish- ment claimed me for its own. First, a corset, of course, you will -#ay. Bzs, let me remark, thers are corsets and corvets. The one placed above the delicate garmeot of flesh-colored raw silk, which takes the place of linen with the ele- gantes of Paris, and clings to the form Bo a8 in 1o way to increase the size by bulk of folds around the waist, was a corset of gray silk, stitched with rose-color and edged with Valen- ciennes on the hips and about the shoulders. But—in the make of this *‘article of female wear,” na tho advertisements have it, there en- tered art that amounted -to gemus. For, set in at the hips and; making the bustle, were curved bones that stood out in & swell of several inches and formed an incorporate part of tho corset itself * impossible of detection when the skirt of the dress was placed over it. Thea .the fesh-colored eilk stockings; tho short cambric skirt with myriad tucks, insertions, and flatings of lace ; the del cate bottines of black eatin; the white muslin dress, without assistance of color except & rose at ber throat, and made so extremely short in front as to dieplay the entire foot; the one long hair-pin withits head a fine great pear!, and the careless drawing up of & draping at one side to display the underskirt of raw gilk ; this, and the totlet was an accomplished feat and fact. Let me not omit to say that the muslin sleeve wasso extremely tight to the arm that it secemed like & secood skin. It terminated 2inches above the well-ronnded yet delicate wnst, where a quaint bracelet of West Indian beotles, the cadean of a Iady admirer from Cuba, completed the orna- mentation of 8o much studied simplicity. 1t was really very protty, and the laay looked charming,—let us esy 30 years old. Her age? Oh—well, 50. ‘THE COURSE OF TRUE LOVE NEVER DID. ‘White man is mighty noceriuin. Our young Iady readers (¢sys the St. Louis Republican) will remember the Grand Duke Alexis, and what a scramble there was as to who should dance with him and in the same get. Of course they do, and will those who were favored Ly the gra- . cious hug of the young Russian paw over forget it? Of course not. He was young. He was beefy, but he was a real Prioce, and could have had half-a-dozen palaces on the Lake of Como,, if he had wanted them. Then our lady-resders will also remember how a etrange story came scrogs the Atlantic that Aleck had been guilty of a left-handed marriage on the sly; that the elderly gentlemar in 8t. Petersburg was as mad 88 two wet liens about it: and tkat was how Aleck came to ewing around the eircle sud stop 2t St. Loms on the way. Everybody shuddered in their shoes when they thought of what a terrible family the ~Roiofla were scd are, and what an uncomfortable reputation they have for atraogling, and poisoniog, and cutting the throats of thosa they don’t like, and. in short, we all folt for Aleck with both bands. Then came a besutifnl story of o cottage in Switzer- land or somewhere else, and a lovely youog female, and a darling little child,—preaumably & boy. the very image of hia paw,—and the sudden arrival of & carriage by mooalight alone. A majestic form alights and eoters; a apirituelle creature en neglige rushes down the front stairs. They embrace. * Mon Aleck I” * Ma pelite I" ** And our infant !” " Ob, raptura!” That was the Grand Duke and the morganatic one. Dost thou like the picture ? Now comes another kind of tintype. Aleck bas been divorced from the morganatic one, and ho is free. Ha! ha! he is free. Soisshe. Aleck has been forgiven, 20d is locking round for a wife. The morganatic one will marry somebody at Court, and the small resalt of their mutual escapade will live to be- come a Genperal in tho army. Buch fauntobe a Russian Grand Duke ! A _SQUAW-FIGHT. The Western Nebraskan tells the following: A iively fracas is reported to have occnrred in 8 huoters’ carmap on the head-waters of tho Rspub- lican a week ago to-dsy. The party of hunters consiated of six white men, four of whom had squaws for wives. On tne day referred to, the hunters left the camp for their day’s work, leav- ing the four sqnaws in charge of the camp, with ivstructions to have & meal ready at the hour of sunsot. The bunters returped sbont the time specified, to find a state of affairs mcre shocking and desperate than even these sons of border- life were accustomed to see. Among the essen- tial stores promded for their trip was a keg of whisky, which was regstded as extirely safo in the hands the squaws; tho evil spirit _tempted the fell. The cnmy.p presentea an :,‘3;}5.,',‘; suzgestivo of having been struck bndmibt geared whirlwiod or forty strokes of chain-igh, ning. The cooking utensils wers !cumn; around in magnificent confusion : the 1o 8aci bad beou ripped open, and the fiour ecagger, ed_promiecuously ; kuises, forks, dishes, aog everything scemed to have been caught y, tho Whirlwind aad strewn 10 svery meelt3 Two of the squaws were lying lifeless \r;mj:' fow feot of the camp, with their facos gaaheqis the mostly ghastly maner. Ths otber fmy o Jying in the midst of the confasion, dead grre-® one still having tight grip on the handls of th whisky-keg. Doth wera considerably mac with knives,—one having an eye gonged out, ang the other having lost an ear aud the {ip-end hernose. 'The bunters took in the situagon g aglance. The squaws had taken it intg theiy heads to go on'a Lilarious old_druuk, shiy termivated in & bloody fight, that waged vigoronsly antil tho tragic e:: ‘the dead squaws were buried in Tuds holes 28 they were found, and the dia. abled squaws were taken back to the K: Pacific, where thes were turned over to tha fry, ment of the tribe to which they belonged. 5 hunters say that one aquaw does first-rate, w; is really indispensable to tho Proapenty of thy camp, but £wo or more together ara eare ta hri; trouble. At any rate, they have tried the e periment for the last time, and are Eatisfied that woman is woman, 0o matter what kind of 8Xin sho weara. » 1A TOO GALLANT CONDUCTOR, Conductor B— (20 saya the Editor's Dravery Harper's Magazine for October)¥s alzays very polite to the ladies. All conductors are Dolite tg “iaiiies, particalarly 8o, providad they ars you, iU fwlsoze. Miss 00— was handed on boart 2. the _station a8, carofmlly as thoa i ang wey T R PR TR TN TR Y S ] O X AP o 530 1§ T AT NI o OBt 5 AT +glass—to bo fiandiad with care.” An Oxtrageys was turced over on the eh: o of the car, 1} and the conductor took Best by g & 8106 i 23.4%2 agresable, having met Mise Gy 5 on the train before. Lreasntlv, as mattors wary going along nicely, an old man it Lk suirt.gje 5 balf threw himself into the seat in fropt, which the conductor had nnlecked acd turned over for tho benefit of the parties more inmediately cog. cerned. 3r, B— spoke up sharply : ** Go awy, from here,” But the old man didn’ go. Cunem! orsays, atill more sharply, **Go away, or m make you.” Bat still no go, while a vacant, pro, yoking smile sat npon the face of the intruday, ‘Whereupon Coridactsr B— grasped the old farg, er by the nape of the neck. At the same. the young lady grasped the arm of the condzes, or, exclaiming, * Please don't, Mr. B—. Thy is my father.” Ever sioca, Cundittor B— atways saks youyy ladies if they are traveling alone. MISCELLANEOUS NOTES. “T¥as her death quite sudden?" said a con doling friend to a bereaved widower. “Way, yes, rather, for her! "™ **0id my mastache trouble you? " said Blobdy to his sweetheart. **No, 1 only{felt a littladosy in the mouth,” was the answer, The Cresset, of Denison, Texss, remarky; “*See to it that your wife is kissed, and petted and careased, even if you have todo it yuun self.” A husband in Massachusetts can't make op by . mind on the currency question, andso he refuay to allow his wife any pin-money until & dscisioy can be arrivea at. § The Detroit Free Press has heardthat & om - tain woman is writing & lecture on * Womany Daties,” and cruelly suggests that her fimt duty is to burn the manuseript. ' A Tennezses girl, riding cn the cars, cromed the aiale, kicked s young man up against the wimdow, and remarked, ‘‘I was brug up never to allow a yaller-eyed man to wink at me!” - A Patchogne woman kept her mouth priad open for six hours in order to curea gum.boi, and she basn't been able to shut it since. Het husband 1s a believer in special providences. # You never saw my hands a8 dirty as that® said a mother reproachinlly yesterdsy to her kit~ tlo 8-year-old girl. *"Cause I never ses yoa when you was a little girl,” waa the prompt an swer. A young Iadyin Minnesota boasts of baving ten grown-up brothers to watch over her; but s Nortistown girl prefars to have only one brother to watch over her—provided be is the brothar of some viher girl. ‘ As the Iadies walked on the beach wily their long hair down becauss otherwise “if takes 8o long todry,” it was the enfant terrible ¥ho eaid triumphantly, * Mamma lesves bera ac the hotel.” The Pittsburg Commercial has the right da once in awhile, as, for instance: *‘ An mentions a couple ‘who have been lovers fot twenty-five years, and are =nct ied yoi! That's why they are lovers, stupid.” *Ilived with him nineissn years,” say sa Indiana applicant for divorce.” “ and all the clothing he ever bought my w. a bunch of hairy pins and a toothbrush.” Yci can ses by this what a bard time she had to keep welt dressed’ The Boston ndependent Chroniclefor Maxh 12, 1798,contained the following marmsge ** At Bedford, on the 8th inat., Mr. James Wik son to the amiable Miss Dolly Glass, both of <¢hat place, after a loog.aed tediona courtship.” The paper was not ouly independent, but pretty free, in that chronicla A woman, writing from Washington, ssyss *The custom of my own scx—ipterchsoging kisses whenover they mest—has been so mch ridicaled that it is going out of fuhionln;fl " refined people, and is kopt alive in the districts, where railroad. tolegraph, auadneve paper facilities are noknown.” Mrs. Milliss was asxed the other day how ks managed to get along so nicely with Mr. Millis and frankly replied : ** Ob, feed him welk When a woman marries, her happineas for s little while depends upon the atate of ber bur band’s heart; afier that, it’s pretty muchsceord ing to the state of his atomach.” An elderlylady, who, with her daughter, bd just returmed ‘rom rather & rapid jourset through Fraoce, part of Germany and Italy, we ssked, tho other day, if thoy had visited Boae, and she replied in the negetive. **La, ms! s _we did,” eaid her dmil;:ar, *sthat was theplas &, where we bought the bal atockinga.” A St. Paul mether recently tcok her 15-yest old daoghter to a party a8 a spocial favar—od that she intended the child shonld **come 0tt’ for some time yet. That parent was o tonished to find that tho ‘little girl” kne# nearly every society man abeut town, stood the figures of the “German,” azd talk like a magpie. A young man of Wilmington, N. C., havisg # short leave of absence from his employar, I~ mained away 50 long at & fashionable summer resort that the employer telegraphed for him 19 return, or he would lose his place. “Dcal want the place; have & $200,000 zirl in love ith me,” was the answez. Bat he come bsck in# week and took a place at $30 a month. A retorned Enoch Arden was tearicg sroud and railing at a Christian community that woud allov & woman to starve nearly to death inibs absence of her hueband. The truthis bolef & her in the days of hoop-akirts Jooking like b 0, and on hus return foond bar pinged back looking like this 1. ‘The impression thaksbd bad starved was natural.—Mikcaukes Sentind They were husband and wife, and, a8 they staod before the Soldiers’ Mooument. she g ““What's that figger on top " ‘‘Tust'sased desn,” he anawered. **And what's s goddess? **A woman who holds her tongue,” be rei She looked eidoways at hun and begzc planasg to make a peach-pie with the pits in it, foris® benefit of his sora tooth.—Detroit Free 3 Two_women have started s barber-shop B Titusville. We saw one woman siast & bare shop once. She came in with a cowhids i :g hand and said_she was goizg to horsewdip msn who bad been talxing about her sand e men, with towels under their chius apd IET on their faces, hustled ont of the chaimass: started for the back door ona run,— Cincinad Saturday Night. . The mistresa of summer boarding-house & an intesior wown, firdiog herse!f one u-qu«;' leisure, in consequence of the absence of patrons on an_excursion, fepaized tos DS bor's for a chat. **I shounid think you * feel lonesome to have your voarders AWsY. x“;u . ;u'l{ ll:‘nrdnai hbor. * bflhl‘:lm ;zh]ng; cel kinder lonesome ; butits a g Tt soems jest as it did whon X was fasts ¥ der.” 1t takes s woman to repulee s travalicg fi:" sometimes. o a neighboring village, the s day, 5 man called oo 3. C. at his place of T neas, sod wanted to sell bi P nd A, C., not wishing to bar, to get rid of bhim ref: him to his wife. On the man's waking bis pess known to the lady she aaked him it Mr. sont bim to her. *Yes, ms'am.” he r¢] “Weil. sir,” sxid Mrs. C.. **you just g0 and tell him that, uotil he can furnish mo W something beside to eat, I can make! the musio that is necessary around WW@. 5 The agent concluded ae coulda’s sell an B3 . NUERR I LA E & A5 o TN LTI,y Ty TR 7 -t " RS 3 e Fogravgy