The Butler Weekly Times Newspaper, August 3, 1887, Page 2

The Honest Farmer. “Do you ever say anything about the ‘honest farmer’ in your paper: asked a bright looking boy about sixteen years old as he came into the Zell office. “We have to occasionaliy-” “Don't do it any more, it isn't the truth, he isn’t any more honest than ; other folks. } “Te just got back from a out at my Uncle George's place, and visit ; I tell you my eyes are opened about the honest farmer, and I always sup- | posed my Uncle George wasan extra nice man, too. “The day I went out with him he bad a couple of old horses almost wo lazy to move. He said himself that they towed the first boat on the Erie canal. Pretty soon he saw a neighbor coming about half a mile away and he began hitting those horses cracks with the whip and sawing on the lines. He pounded \ till he got them excited at last, and ! then when he met the neighbor he had his feet braced and acted as if he could hardly hold them. He stumped the man for a trade and told him they were a new team of road-| sters he had just bought and paid $400 for. He said they were a little thin and needed some grain but they would be all right then. The man blowed just the same about his. but they traded and I thought uncle had | got a pretty nice team; but before | he got home ohe of them balked, the other tried to run away and they ‘both kicked over the dashboard. Still uncle told me, confidentially. that he caleulated he beat the out of about fifty dollars. “Well, we got there at last. At supper one of my cousins said he had man taken up a stray calf that day. ‘Spot-4 ted one?’ asked uncle. ‘Yes,’ said my cousin. ‘I reckon its Carson’s,’ said uncle, ‘just rub a little of that lamp-black on the white spots and turn it down in the back pasture. “After supper he took me out to help him sack up a load of wheat to take to town the nextday. Istarted right at it. ‘Hold on,’ says he, ‘it ain't quiteready yet.’ Then he puta lot of fine sand into the wheat and mixed it all up, about two quarts df ‘sand to a bushel of wheat. Then he held the sack and I shoveled. It was almost half full when he said: ‘Hold on. Put four or five shovelsful from that heap over there in now,’ and he pointed to a pile of screenings, chaff and poor wheat. “Did you give them other horses that doap?’ he asked my cousin. ‘Yes,’ says he. ‘Ireckon that oughter make ’em feel pretty good in the morning an’ I'll drive ‘em to-morrow an’ see if I can’t get rid of ‘em. I'm raid to keep ‘em much longer for fear they'll die on my hands.’ Then he looked at the new team and went on: ‘Bill, bring me that brush and white paint.’ Then he got over and painted stars on their foreheads and gave them each two white feet and then said: ‘There, I ‘low they'll pass for new horses in the neighbor- hood an’ I can get rid of ‘em to good advantage.’ Westarted fromthe house when he turned to my cousin again and said: ‘Bill, I sold the old cow to the butchers to-day an’ want to lead her down in the morning.’ ‘That's good,’ replied Bill, ‘she’s so old she can't eat and don’t give any more milk.’ ‘Yes,’ said uncle, ‘don’t water her to- night but give her the peck measure full of salt. She'll drink ‘bout a hundred pounds when she crosses ' the creek to-morrow an’ I'm selling ' her by weight.’ Then my honest j Uncle George winked at me again. “After we went in he said to Aunt Martha: ‘Jones the milkman says he’ gettin’ short on milk an’ wants to get "bout twenty quarts a day of us. We'll make it ‘boutfeight quarts water an’ he'll put in a little an’ that won't make it fur from right fer the city folks. Did-you salt that butter eeepc ee ea TT: heavy?’ ‘Yes,’ said Aunt Martha. : ‘That's right, salt’s powerful to weigh,’ and my uncle winked at me i again. “The next morning I found him moving the bottoms of some straw- berry boxes about an inch higher end sorting out all the large berriés to put on top. Before he went away he said to my cousin: ‘Bill, keep the mud good and thick in that hog A | pen ‘cause the butcher may come) } j after them to-day an’ we want ‘em well plastered. Mud’s awful heavy- and he gave me one of his w inks. ; | “He came home afoot that might i ld oA Ty | because he had sold the old tearm | | they doctored up to 4 man in town | for a driving team. ‘I got $300 for ‘em, he said at the supper table, I tell you that new doap is just business—they held their heads upend acted mighty Lor’! but you orter seen t t , ‘and they only cost S75. t keen. cow drink! I ‘lowed she'd bust, an | when the man come to pay | he looked sick now I tell you.” “Then after supper they saw the | assessor coming and they did some | lively work. jhis watch down his boot-leg and | they moved the organ into a closet | | and put a lot of furniture down cel }and when the man came in uncle looked awful gloomy and told him | one team and a cow had just gone ona mortgage and that the other | team belonged to Aunt martha and | that all the stock was sold to a man | over in the other county. | “Then that evening he had my | cousin write a letter to the publisher of a newspaper who had sent him a bill, telling him to stop the paper, | that he never ordered it, and another j}to the company he had bought a mowing machine of three years be- | fore telling them that the crops were so poor that he copldn't pay the fifty dollar note he owed them and that they had better take the ma | chine back. ‘You see we're through | haying for this year, he explained io me, ‘an’ it’s so near worn out we couldn't use it next year anyhow. “I could tell you lots of other things, but I won't take any more of your time. I know I'm oniy a boy and not very well posted, but I tell you I believe I see into ‘honest farmer’ talk Dakota Bell. The Editor Was Dying. The owner of a paper lay dying in his lair, and the dew of death had gathered on his brow so calm and fair; but a printer knelt beside him, as his life-blood ebbed away. and asked the dying writer if he had a word to say. The doomed man murmured softly, as he grabbed the printer's fist: “Well, at last the struggle’s over, and I never will be missed. Take a message and a token to that city man of mine, that all his worn-out chestnuts he had better put in brine. There’s his joke about the weather, which he’s used these many years, and the gag about the fellow who is always hunting beers. And the itenr he’s so fond of, on the man who peddles books, and the chestnut based on people who go fishing at the brooks; just to save the paper's credit, and to cast no slurs on mine, I would ask him as a favor just to put such gags in brine. And the lie he’s fond of tell ing; of the street-cars and the tracks, and the ancient joke about the man who steps upon some tacks, and the one about some dandy who will never pay for clothes, and the one on women cleaning house—it's weary, heaven knows! Oh, I know I'll slumber happy in my grave beneath the vine, if the man who does the city work will put these jokes in brine. Tell the man who tends to business not to weep when I am dead, but to buy himself a club and hit the first man on the head who comes in with strings of items and requests them printed free, when the regular rates are cheaper than they really ought tobe. Tell the foreman when he makes up not to turn a rule for me, but to simply print an item saying that my soul is free; for I want no eulogistic taffy of that kind in mine, and I think such hoary chestnuts should be pickled well in brine. Have that gay and fresh re- porter I engaged the other day put a stop to saying ‘Selah, also ‘We have come to stay’; and if he should say ‘ye local’ you must trample in | his gore, for you know I'd ne'er al- [low it in the happy days of yore. And the man who comes to jtell you how to run the paper well, should be grepted when he enters with a pewter chestnut bell; and you'll print the paper promptly, be the weather full of storms, and the foreman must be careful when he's makin, ig up the forms that the beauty of the paper for her | Uncle George slipped | lar and took down all the pictures | may through all the ages shine, and | 5 like its neighbors, only fit te nena | male students known to her who de put in brine.” The dying writer faltered, as these simple words he spoke, and the printer knew directly so he ry moth ~ that he was about to croak propped him up as gently a: er would her child, but the writer's | land of | dered to the And the printer sobbed soul had wi undetiled a little a and he mutter its time to go to press; very few could beat him writing. for his writ e one last caress, “I must leave him, ings were divine, and we never had to place them in a bucketful of | brine.” —Atchison Globe. “A Word to the Wise is Sufficent™ Catarrh is not simply an incon- venience’ unpleasant to the sufferer and disgusting to others—it is an | advanced outpost of approaching disease ot worse type. Do not neglect its warning ;it brings deadly evil in itstrack. Before it too late use Dr, Sage’s Catarrh Rem- ledy. It reaches the seat of the ail- ment and is the only thing that will. is | You may dose yourself with quack medicines ‘till itis too late—’ till the strermlet becomes the rushing torrent. It is the matured inven tion of a scientific physician. “A word to the wise is sufficent.’” sceacs inet seinen An exchange tells of a funny little circumstance that the rounds of the Towa papers, and is to have occurred in Davenport. A certain lady suspected that her hus- is going band was in the habit of kissing the pretty German servant girl, and re- solved to detect him in the act. Af- ter watching for over a week she heard him come in one evening and quietly pa Now the pretty servant girl was out that evening and the kitchen was dark. Burning with jealousy the wife took some matches in her hand and placing the shaw] over her head as the servant often did, she entered the kitchen by the back, and was al- most instantly seized, embraced and kissed in the most ardent manner. With heart almost burning with rage and jealousy the injured wife prepared to administer a most terri- through to the kitchen. ble rebuke to her faithless spouse. Tearing herself loose from his em- brace, she struck a match and found herself face to face with the pretty German girl’s beau, one of the rail- road§boys. Her husband says that his wife has not treated him so well since the day they were married as she has the past few days. Delicate diseases of either sex, however induced, promptly cured, Send 10 cents in stamps for ‘large illustrated treatise, suggesting sure means otcure. Address, World’s Dispensary. Association,663 Main Street, Buffalo, N. Y. Bob Burdette, the geniai aumor- ist of the Brooklyn Eagle, was as gallant a beardless boy as wore the blue during the late unpleasantness. Bob is still a brave and generous fellow. In reference to the Gettys- burg reunion, he has this to say: “These boys in gray are more than foemen worthy of steel; they are our countrymen and brothers—fiesh of our flesh and bone of our bone. They come to us with the song of patriotism on their lips and the fires of patriotism in their hearts. Their presence signifies that the broken chain has been welded never to be broken again; that the nation which begun its march at Yorktown took up the line of an even grander march at Appomatox; that the ties of a common hope and a common desti- ny bind the east and west, the north and south together, and that the re- public has at last found a secure sanctuary in the hearts of all her children.” ane The remedy which most success- fuily combats with malarial diorders is Ayers Ague Cure. It is a purely vegetable compound’ and contains neither quinine nor any other dan- gerous ingredient. Warrented to cure chills and tever. A Philladelphia newsboy lost a leg by a street car accident, and was awarded a verdict against the com- pany for $18,000. This would seem to be a high estimate to place upon the value of a limb. While the boy, now hobbling on crutches, is await- ing for his money. he begs on the street, though there is no need of it, and is arrested every little while. He seems to be a veritable scamp. A Plea for the Bang. Mrs. Sidgwick says that the fe- voted themselves to the higher ed- have shown no indication to ‘TONIC Is solely for the aS ol poate’ A which affiict all womankind. It ves tone and strength to the uterine organs, and lacemeuts and irregulari- change oflife. The useof ucation adopt masculine sentiments or habits in any unnecessary or unseemly de- gre Yet it cannot be denied, re- marks the epoch. that at some of the corrects dangerous a ties. Itts of great valne tn 5 MERRELL’S FEMALE TONIC during preg- nancy greatly relieves the pains of motherhood and romotes speedy recovery. It assi-ts pature to Etrely make the eritieal change from girlhood to womanhood. Itispleasantto the taste and may be taken ai all times with perfect safe: — 1. FOR SALRBY ALL DRUGGISTS, »-S.MERBELL DRUG COU.,SolePr p-sT.LOULS. the students show considerable in- difference to certain f deportment and ornamentation which This may be inine arts of ¥OR ALL DISORDERS OF THL Stomach, Liver ise and Bowels “BALIVER PACIFIGzits STRICTLY VEGETASLE. Cure Constiffation Sick Headache, I noes Biliousnes: ‘or Sale by all Dri PACIFIC MANUFACTO 3.3 ¢ cd. men always admire. by means of an illustration which may seem trivial but which. neverthe less, is suggestive. Avery high broad forehead is not beautiful in a woman. As Leigh Hunt rnmarks, “A®large bare forehead gives a woman a mas- culine and defyi The word ‘effrontery it. The hair should be brought over such 2 forehead as vines are trailed over a wall. Now the composite portrait of young women who graduated at Wellesley this year is characterized by remarkable “breadth and fullness of the forehead unconcealed by any disfiguring bang.” The portrait of 36 Vassar seniors. on the other hand, shows that a majority of the girls at that college wear the “disfiguring @ look. comes from Jannd . ive, 25 Cents. ST, LOUIS, MO. Sure to be Re-elected. St. Paul, Minn., July 27.—*It will be impossible to%defeat Grover Cleve- land in the next campaign,” said General Clinton B.° Fisk, of New Jersey, the well-known prohibition- ist to-day, “and it makes no difference whom the republicans may put up against him, be it Blaine or Sherman. His administration has been a most successful one in every respect and has inured more to the prosperity of the country than would have been the case with Mr. Blaine in the White house. Naturally the prohi- bitionists take a great deal of credit to themselves for defeating Blaine, and with the so-called mugwumps they would take a pride in repeating the experiment in 1888. The prc hibitionists and Zlabor party will doubtless unite on a candidate and go into the next presidential canvass with renewed confidence. But with all this againstZhim, I repeatgthat no candidate can beat the incumbent of the White house who had taken such a firm hold upon theJaffections of the people that they will have none other than himself for their chief magistrate. Then, too, Mrs. Cleves land is going to be of incalculable benefit to her husband, for she is everywhere regarded as .a typical American woman and one whom the country should delight to keep in the position of the first lady of the nd.” bang.” All The Compositors Negroes. Columbia, S. C., July 21.—The state press is very much agitated ov- er the discovery that one of the leading county papers of the state, the Abbe- ville Press and Banner, is printed exclusively by negro compositors. A very hot editorial was written up- on the subject of the editor, who made the discovery that ‘for the sake of cheap labor the young white men were crowded out of a field of industry peculiarly their own.” An- other newspaper thought it a degre- dation of an honorable business and declared its intention of having “nothing to do with a newspaper ed- ited by a white man and set by ne- groes.” Several other journal have follow- ed the lead of the paper which start- ed the boycott, and much editorial space is devoted to the mat- ter. These journals consider the Press and Banner particularly unjus- tifiable, as it has always been a fero- cious enemy of negro education. The Press and Banner declared that it is working for the almighty dollar, and proposes to have the cheapest and most satisfactory labor, without regard to the boycott. It is some- what singular that the Baptist Tri- bune, the largest colored organ in the State, edited by two colored men, should be printed exclusively by white compositors. The departments of the coming August Harpers are generously filled with a banquet of nutritious diet. The easy chair provides the opening courses in lively paragraphs upon Reporter scriptures, a Protestant cathedral, International Copyright, O’Brien’s Visit, and the Queen’s Ju- bilee. The study serves the staple solid portions in Mr. Howell’s views of Imaginative Literature and dis. cussions of Tolstoi and other authors. The Monthly Record gives the com- pressed essence of the world’s doings in four weeks. And the drawer crowns the feast with a dessert of juicy anecdotes and spicy comicalities, introduced by Mr. §Warner’s essay on “Keeping a Diary,” and illustrted by Frost and Du Maurier. ~ === It is no longer questioned, it is admitted, that the blood of man is improving. The children of to day are better formed, have better mus- cle and richer minds than our an- cestors. The cause of this tact 1s due more to the general use ot Dr. Harter’s Iron Tonic than any other source. William's Australian Herb Pills. If youare Yellow, Bilious, constipated with Headache. bad breath, drowsy, no appetite, look out your liver is out of roder, One box of these Pills will drive all the troubles awa{ and make a new being of you. Price 25 cts. qi ty Pye & Crum y, Agents. A Mean Trick. “Never heard of anything so con- temptibly mean inall mylife—never!” he said, as he brought his rightthand down upon his left. “What was it?” “Why, I bet $20 with a man on one of the races, and we put the money in the hands ofa stakeholder. I won it.” “Well?” “Well, a constable stood right there and attached the whole $40 for a debt of five years old!” “No!” “He positively did, and he offered to mop the ground with me to boot! It is just such work as this that has brought horse-racing into disrepute, and which keeps honest people away from the tracks!” Daniel Manning seems to be a broken man. He is at home but not well. Health is liable to give way at any time and then. and not til then, one appreciates how deplor- able sickness is, and how admirable is health. Blessings are not prized while possessed, but they brighten as they fly. An artesian well, which is being sunk at Vassar, Mich., has passed through 70 feet of sandstonefand a vein of the finest coal 6 feet$ thick. This completes the round and alittle of everything but whisky has been found under the town. Drunkenness or the Liquor Habit Positively Curea by administering Dr. Haines’ Golden Specific. Tt can be given in a cup of coffee or tea without the knowledge ot the person tak- ettect a permanent and speedy cure. whether the patient is a mactieriee! drink: er or an alcoholic wreck. Thousands of drunkards have been made temperate men who have taken Golden Specific in their coffee without their knowledge, and to-day believe they quit drinking ot their own free will. It never fails. The sys- tem once impregnated with the Specific it becomes an utter impossibility tor the liquor appetite to exist. For tuil partic- ulars, address GOLDEN SPECIFIC co., 185 Race st. Cincinnati, O. * The tonic and alteratlve proper- ties ot Ayers Sarsaparilla are too well known to require the specious aid of any exaggerated fictitious certificte. Witnesses ot the mar- velous cures effected by this Prep- aration are to-day living in every city and hamlet in the land. WOOLEN ingit; is absolutely harmless and will’ Are now ready for busi R Atteation given to Such as Roll Cerding, Spinning and Wi Will exchange BLANKETS, FLANNELS, JEANS ang YARNS fo Stiff Joints, 3B Stings, ackache, Buni Spevin Corn, Cracks, THIS GOOD OLD accomplishes for ve forit. One of the rensous for the the Mustang Liniment ts found: applicability. Everybody nesis: The Lumberman neods it in: The Housewife necds it for, ‘The Canaler neods it for his' The Mechanic needs it bench. The Miner neods it in case of ‘The Pioncer nesis! kk ‘The Farmer neods it in his house, hi and bis stock yard. eRe The Steamboat man or the Ing like it as an antidote for the his employees. Accidents will these come the Mustang Lintment: Keoepa Bottle inthe House. @conomy. « Keep a Bettle in the Fateory. {Bee in case of accident saves pain Keep a Bettie Always in ti Boo whee ANTI-BILIOUS ME In malarial districts the