The Bismarck Tribune Newspaper, July 21, 1936, Page 4

Teabags ame ee : The Bismarck Tribune An independent Newspaper THE STATE'S OLDEST NEWSPAPER (Established 1873) State, City and County Officiai Newspaper Published by The Bismarck Tribune Company, Bismarck, N. D., and @Mtered at the postoffice at Bismarck as second class mai] matter. Mrs. Stella 1. Mann President and Publisher Archie O. Johnson Kenneth W. Simons Vice Pres, and Gen'l. Manager Sec'y-Treas. and Editor Subscription Rates Payable in Advance Member of Audit Bureau of Circulation Member of The Associated Press 4 Press is exclusively entitled to the use for dispatches credited to it or not otherwise cri iso the local news of spontaneous origin pub! of republication of all other matter herein are also ri Right This Way, Folks One of the invariable rules of this newspaper is that it prints no anonymous letters. There is reason behind such a rule, as well as justice, for a reputable newspaper should know with whom it deals. Thus, though the People’s Forum column of The Tribune frequently contains missives signed with a nom de plume, there always is a record of the name of the author in The Tribune’s editorial office. Upon occasion this rule has proved valuable indeed, ij But it also has its handicaps. . Several years ago, for example, a number of letters were received from one who signed his name Rex V. King. Editors are no smarter than other folk and for a time it was assumed that Rex V. King was a real person. But for one reason or another the circumstances looked a little shady. In- vestigation revealed no one who answered to that name and the next letter signed with the obvious nom de plume went into the wastebasket. It was too bad, too, for they were intelligently written and interesting. All of which leads us to a letter which arrived in Monday’s mail from “an agronomist,” who offers what is either the most charming bit of naivete or one of the finest bits of wit which has recently lightened The Tribune’s editorial burden. We owe him a debt, because the man who gives us a laugh does us a real service. Well, anyway, it seems that the agronomist was talking to a farmer and the latter offered an explanation for why it hasn’t rained. “It seems that millions and millions of grasshoppers are either starving to death or dying from thirst around here,” goes the letter, “and the reason for this is that there is nothing to eat and no green fields in which to slake their thirst. “So the grasshoppers—wise little critters—when they see a rain cloud come up in the west, at once rise in hordes to meet it, and by the time the clouds reach here the grasshoppers have drunk every drop of rain contained by the clouds. Hence the only way a rain can ever fall in this section, as long as the hoppers are alive, is for it to come very early in the morning before the hoppers have awakened.” How is that for drouth humor? The letter then goes gravely on to assert that Mr. Farmer counted 15 grasshoppers per square foot in one of his fields and since there are 27,878,400 square feet in a mile this means there are 418,176,000 hoppers per square mile. This may be fact. One of the fine things about the letter is that it mixes fact with fancy so cleverly. Then comes the final fillip. “So naturally, says the farmer, take even a half or a third or a quarter of these grasshoppers off one square mile, to say nothing of the thousands of other square miles of burned out country, and is it any wonder that when they fly against a rain cloud they drink up all the water in it and leave us humans and cattle and other vermin high and dry.” All of which goes to show that, whatever else has happened to us, our sense of humor isn’t dead. Last winter we had jokes about the cold weather and now come jokes about the drouth. It is a typically American trait and one of our finest assets. If a fellow is to grin when the going is tough he has to get his chin up to do it. The Tribune will welcome any further contributions of this or any other character, but they MUST be signed. They WILL NOT be printed unless The Tribune knows the identity of the writer. If there are enough responses it might even be possible to start a drouth humor column. Anyway, come on with your stories, but don’t be ashamed of your name. We'll call you Pro Bono Publico if you wish but we MUST know who you are. Otherwise, if your stuff is good enough, the editor might steal it, just as he has done with Agronomist’s letter. ‘The Ai tion of thi Newspaper Au rights Planes Across the Sea Unless recent reports from London and Washington are in error, it will not be long before the United States and Europe are connected by a regular commercial airplane line. England’s Imperial Airways and America’s Pan-American are reported to have joined hands in a scheme which would have each organization provide two or more huge flying boats to serve in a new transatlantic air line. It is indicated that the first flights may be made this year. The news is gratifying, but hardly surprising. Something like this has been in the cards ever since Pan-American showed that planes and the skill to span long water jumps were at last available, The final step in the age-long conquest of the sea is being taken; Americans may be proud that American brains and dar- ing have contributed so greatly to this triumph. ‘With fingerprints, a Cincinnati police expert is classif; sears. It meres Seip Bt least in Mdenilfying the married criminals, he $ Junior has little sympathy with the Black Legion flogging victims. None (@f them had sense enough, apparently, to put a plank in their pants. “Rings of Saturn are beginning to disappear.” If they are replaced with fron ones, it is s testimonial of Tl Duce’s persuasive powers. Pie ac ores ae ee 2 o¥.ants; they're cockroaches.” Republicans would have Pens yt OM OS ‘should eve Ustle trouble settling Bthiopis, since’ he can Behind Scenes Washington Progressive Senators Are Expected to Unite to Back Roosevelt—If They Ever Can Get Together. . . Labor Holds Center of Stage in National Capital. By RODNEY DUTCHER (Tribune Washington Correspondent) Washington, July 21.—Progressive leaders, dominated by a delegation from the U. 8. Senate, hope to get to- gether one of these days and an- nounce a progressive league which will support Roosevelt for re-election this year. The meeting is somewhat overdue, however, and the best guess as to the reason for that has to do with the traditional inability of some progres- sive prima donnas to play on a team, complicated at the moment by cer- tain long range dreams of presiden- tial candidacy in 1940. Senators Robert M. LaFollette of Wisconsin, George W. Norris of Ne- braska, Hiram Johnson of California, and Henrik Shipstead of Minnesota are the leading spirits in the move- ment. They expect to be joined by Gov. Floyd Olson and Senator Elmer Benson of Minnesota and eventually, by Senators Gerald Nye and Lynn Frazier of North Dakota, from whose state springs the third party candi- dacy of Congressman Lemke. Frank P, Walsh of New York will be very active in the movement. Whether Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia of New York will tie up with it isn’t yet known, **e * Wheeler Ho‘ding Back “Aside from the re-election of Roose- velt, the chief matter in the minds of these men is the campaign of 1940. Four years from now, they believe, they will be campaigning for a far- mer-labor-ticket or a relatively radical Democratic candidate in case it is possible to nominate such a candi- date. Expecting Roosevelt to win again this year, they naturally are think- ing secondarily about who they'll want to succeed him. Such complications are said to be afflicting Senator Burton K. Wheeler of Montana, outstanding Democratic progressive in the senate. And the rumor is that he is un- happy over the fact that LaFollette, former independent Republican, who now carries the banner of his own Wisconsin Progressive Party, is to head the progressive league. Whether or not Wheeler's attitude has held up the progressive gathering —as some reports say—it doesn’t ap- pear that the Montana senator has yet made plans for any heavy cam- paign activity. Democratic leaders who are worry- ing over party prospects in Minnesota, the Dakotas, Montana, and Nebraska on the basis of recent polls believe Wheeler can do as much as anyone toward carrying those states. e*% % Labor Holds the Stage With congress, the president, most department heads and both party chairmen all far away, organized labor has the field in Washington— which is still the nation’s best sound- ing board, even in the hot old sum- mer time. No one can say the big shot labor leaders aren’t making the most of it. For example, on a single day when there was no counter-attraction ex- cept the naval spy case, Washington correspondents covered a speech by John L. Lewis at a Nationa! Press Club luncheon, the explanation by Labor's Non-Partisan League of its campaign plans, and announcement by President Bill Green of the A. F. of L. that the 12 unions of the Com- mittee for Industrial Organization would be brought up for trial Aug. 3. Lewis, wearing @ polka dot tie and blue serge suit, drew a large crowd. The capital rapidly has become “Lewis conscious.” “I'd like to save America,” said he, “from the agonies and convulsions that have happened in other coun- tries where those who had everything tried to hold onto it all too long.” The applause was loud and long; about half the audience seemed to be sympathizers. ee ¥ Expect to Deliver Vote A large and comfortable suite at the Willard Hotel houses Labor’s Non- Partisan League, but it seemed neither large nor comfortable at the late afternoon press conference, on ac- count of the jam. The league's three officials are George L. Berry; head of the press- men’s union; President Lewis of the United Mine Workers; and President Sidney Hillman of the Amalgamated Clothing Workers. They were all there, wreathed in smiles, even though each wore heavy dark clothes. Labor's vote had never been de- livered, said @ correspondent. How did they expect to be able to deliver it for Roosevelt this year? = ~ ters from local labor leaders, 95 per cent promising to help. Lewis boasted that the LNL had had much to do with the defeat of anti-New Deal Con- gressman George Huddleston in Ala- bama, Green received reporters at the Ho- tel Hamilton—directly across the street from the office of Lewis—read the charges against C. I. O. unions, perspired profusely in his white suit and light blue shirt with dark blue tie. He gave every evidence that he wished the big split in organized labor were over. (Copyright, 1936, NEA Eervice, Inc.) ° —_—_——_—_———__—_——-? | So They Say J If labor is to be a commodity in the United States in the final analysis it means we shall become a nation of boarding houses instead of a nation Berry boasted receipt of 100,000 let-' Your Personal Health By William Brady, M. D. BIGGER, BRIGHTER, BETTER, HEALTHIER, STRONGER AND HAPPIER NOW a Campaign Washington, July 21.—Third parties in the history of American politics have been of two kinds—those which really split the major parties and those which trailed along as minor parties, gathering very little of the total vote. It may be disconcerting to the fol- lowers of the Lemke-Coughlin-Town- send combination to be adjudged a minor party at this stage of the cam- paign, but, looking. at the convention this week and the method of organi- zation for the campaign, it is diffi- cult to attribute any particular im- portance to the movement as & whole in affecting the national re- sult this autumn. Third parties require money. In- tensive organization to bring out the vote for a third party’ costs a good deal. It is only when a split-off in the regular organizations of one of the two major parties occurs that a large vote is cast, and even then, as in 1912, it takes an “angel’ from some financial district somewhere to foot the bill. Thus, the late George W. Perkins helped with many hundreds of thousands of dollars to finance the Bull Moose party in 1912. There are no signs that the Lemke- Coughlin-Townsend party has any funds for the brass tacks work that has to be done in political organiza- tion. They will, of course, get time on the radio and plenty of publicity and will appear to be making a con- siderable dent, but when the votes Looking at the jw, gible. As a matter of fact, Norman ‘Thomas and his Socialist party have more to fear from the Cleveland ag- gregation than do the major parties. ‘This is not saying that individual congressmen and senators will not feel the lash of the Lemke-Coughlin- Townsend vote. But it takes only a handful of votes in each district in order to defeat a candidate on whom such opposition is concentrated. In between 50 and 100 congressional dis- tricts, for instance, the majority by which the last election was won is less than 5,000 or thereabouts. By distributing their strength in certain districts, or rather by making a strong campaign in some districts and neg- Jecting others, the third party groups can do considerable damage and achieve a sort of balance of power. This might be done with less than 100,000 votes. The Roosevelt administration is, of course, somewhat nervous about the affair at Cleveland. Unquestionably, some of the pro-Roosevelt delegates | in the Townsend convention went there for the specific purpose of head- ing off some of the attacks on the New Deal. There are Republicans, too, who: are hoping to derive some benefit | from the Townsend movement. But the fact remains that the whole thing has been overemphasized and | it would not be surprising if the final tally shows half as many votes as the late Robert LaFollette obtained in his David Lawrence (Copyright, 1936, By David Lawrence) jare counted the totals will be negli- Progressive movement of 1924, which was about 4,000,000. Discord in the ranks of the Town- sendites -is also significant. It may affect the final result. The defection of Gomer Smith, vice president of the Townsend movement, who favors President Roosevelt, does not appear to be incidental. It looks as-if Smith may head an old- movement of his own and thus at- reduce the opportunity for an effect on the electoral voting. Broadly speaking, Teal ques- tion of what the effect of the Lemke- ‘Townsend- will be Coughlin movement is related to whether there is to be a Landon BIT OF HUMOR NOW AND THEN {S RELISHED BY THE BEST OF i) -}' . An obviously em- barrassed young man applied to the license clerk for a marriage license. I'm going to marry the sweet- est girl in the whole word,” he confided to the clerk. As he hurried away clutching the precious piece of paper the clerk turned to the next customer and re- marked: “Gee, that girl changes her mind often. That's the 17th license T've issued for her this week.” ‘Teacher — If you don’t like your baby sister why don’t you send her back ahd exchange her for a little brother? Bobby — I guess it’s too late now; you see we've used her a week al- ready. “Bo you didn’t get his license num- ber?” said the traffic officer to the hit and run victim. “Could you swear to the driver?” “gure,” replied the victim, “and I did, but it didn’t do a bit of good.” Henry — Why did Lora break her engagement with young Braggsby? Marian—Hadn't you heard? He “We moved out here just so they could have a yard to romp in.” By Wiltam Ferguson Tuis Curious WorLD promised to send her roses for her | pickings. OUT OUR WAY I IN" ITE JO COTS eae NO} To TRAP SET FER A GUY_ YOU'RE GOIN TO BEAT UP WHEN HE STICKS HIS HEAD IN THERE , AN: YOu GOT IT ALL PADDED, NICE AND SOFT. aTANDS THAT" Gor Teas FENCE IS DOIN’ Sai thn