The Bismarck Tribune Newspaper, May 23, 1931, Page 14

THE BISMARCK TRIBUNE, SATURDAY, MAY 23, 1931 “—But, lady, you ought to try boiling one of these cabbages.” NOW YOU TELL ONE Nurse—It's triplets! Daddy—Gosh, that stork must have come down completely out of control. Mrs. Brown—Willie simply can't get along without a pencil in his hand. Mrs. Jones—Then he'll probably grow up to be a traffic cop. Tpstituti—Would you like a new auto, dearie? Mrs. Ipsti—Oh, I'd simply adore it. Tpstituti—Well. we surely do need it. Mrs. Ipsti—Tell me, when will it be delivered? Ipstituti—I can’t say for sure, but I bought a ticket in an auto raffle to- day. Caller—It's strange that you can't get your baby to play with a rattle. Mother—Oh, no. You see, her dad- dy was never athletic either. Watt—Allow me to introduce Mr. Fungus. Mr. Fungus was born in the| Virgin Islands. Howe—Well, well, this is a surprise! Judge—You are accused of shoot- ing your wife. Have you any excuse? Accused—Yes, Your Honor, I shot her by mistake. Judge—What do you mean? Accused—I was aiming at my mother-in-law. Hubby—From what I saw of the new cook this morning there scems to be plenty of get up and go about her. Wife—Yes, she went this afternoon. Funny man! He'll take your last | INTERNAL APPLICATION “Did you give your husband the mustard plaster I ordered?” “Yes, doctor, but he says could he | have a bit of bread or something with the next one—it was terrible hot eat- ing it alone!" —Tit-Bits. Dr. Payne—Will you have a local anesthetic? Railroad Conductor—Well, Doc, if it’s going to hurt, T reckon you'd bet- ter cut out the local and run me through on a sleeper. Bostonese—So you had your nose operated on? Beaneater—Yes, it was getticg so I could hardly talk through it. “Is MacDougal in?” “Yes, but he’s busy now, gettin ready for the party tonight. He'll be in as soon as he sharpens the phono- graph needle.” You can tell Will Rogers is an In- dian. The Indian is the only Amer- ican who ever treated rich and poor the same way. Wales has finished his selling tour in South America, and he didn’t spend a single night at a farmhouse. They had just become engaged. “I , shall love to share all your griefs and | troubles,” she cooed. | “But, darling,” he purred, “I have none.” “No,” she agreed; “but I mean when we are married.” Mrs. Bargainhunt—Dear, the mes- dollar, but not your last cigarette: | senger has just brought my new dress he'll decline a second helping that he wants, and accept a cocktail he doesn’t want. | Scollop—Have you seen Ripsnort lately? Wellop—Yes; he tells me he just re- | turned from an inside-outing. Scollop—What in the world is that? | Wollop—Well, he was sick the whole time he was at sea! which I bought for a song—and here's the bill. Mr. B-Runt—All right, darling, send him in and I'll sing to him. Jimmy—Did Moses have dsypepsia like what you've got? Daddy—How on earth do 1 know? Why do you ask such a question? Jimmy—Our Sunday school teacher says the Lord gave Moses two tablets. Daily Cross-word Puzzle ACROSS L Piece of un- sawed tim- Solution of Vesterday’s Puzzle % Pertaining to 5 down 10. Device tor tas- tening 1, Permits 16. Head covers ings . Peruse Divide Cry of a young chick urface . Allude: . Brazilian Less danger- ous 5. Number of hills in Rome freland 27. Masculine 29. Ornamental bunch of ribbon One more Reside art 43. Unity ae 44 Mualcal sounds ie fF nee. panied 7. Novel 46. First Amber 48. Omit tn with two = similar digits #9. Plece of cloth 88. Instigate DOWN 38. Dogma 1. Ingredient of 40. Shamed varnish Beers Resume Degrade . English col- 2. Danish money of account 5. army ofticer lege Dramatic mu- 52. Unaspirated In bed ‘ 5. Planet 49. Cuckoo 6 Officehoiders 41. Old musical 1. French pro- note noun 42. Burrow 8. Thin 45. Olt: sumz ' SIDEGLANCES - - - By George Clark FRECKLES) pun Tue OTHER AND HIS | sive AND THEN Dow FRIENDS | tye ganu % THE MOM’N POP Mom Knows Her Pop! YOU HAVE TROUBLES = IT MIGHT BE ~ $0 HAVE OTNERSE = NONE ARE FREE FROM THEME! You MUST LEARN TO LOOK ON ‘THE BRIGNT ‘SIDE OF LIFE-DEAR- IT 18 THE SUN SHINE - NOT THE DEAREST TOM— VM SO GLAD THAT YOU ALLED ME = ASAD | WiLL BE AT YOUR YOUR NENRIETTA= AND MY LITTLE MARY GOLS— WELL - HENRIETTA = THINK OF IT = TOMORROW THE GIGANTIC CONSOLIDATION Le THIS AFTERNOON = ere 18 ANNOUNCED ON THE MARKET ~ THE FLOWER - AND 1m So ANKIOUS To: NAVE Pot os qouoe AND TOMORROW YOU WILL BE WoRTH LOUD Tr Me, SRY 1S, GLUE TEN TIMES, You EXPLAIN YOUR PLANS — : $500,000,% MORE THAN You ARE JREMEM TIS BLACK ONCE = AND THA SSENTIALS TO HAPPINESS a GRAMS LIFE AS SOMEONE ONCE SAID ARE-SOME THING TO DO—- SOMETHING ‘TO LOVE= AND SOMETHING To NOPE FOR: AT PRESENT = AND | AM ALMOST AFRAID To THINK WHAT | WILL BE WORTH ~ MILLIONS — AND WITH IT ALL = Gare. THE 7 MAN f) voce THE DEATH OF MY DEAR LITTER Loci MY GRIEF AND TO NEAR ALL ABOUT THIS BIG MERGER-= | CAN HARDLY WAIT — YouR HENRIETTA< NO SALLN BUT ITS ALL RIGHT FOR GIRLS. TAKE MY THKIPPING ROPE AND THKIP ROPE, THKEETHIXY THERE'S THE BRIDGE, RIGUT AUEAD OF You... )__ NE JUST GOT To CATCH ‘YOUR DAD BEFORE HIS TRAIN PULLS TERRIBLE IF WE'D BE Too TRACKS...THEN WE TUL SHOW You. 1 MADE ONE BIG MISTAKE AND THAT WAS WHEN T “TOLD PoP ABOUT ™ HES PROBABLY OUT NOW? TELLING THE WORLD WHAT A CLEVER TRICK HE THOUGHT UP .TO GET CHICK OUT OF THe HOCSEGOW-AND QUEERING THi WIHOLE - SCHEME - DROMISES, cHrcK AND WABEAS CORDUSES, AT A. MILLION A DAY. AND NEVER 1S STILL GET ANYWHEQE, I HANE A BEHIND SCHEME THATLLE DO THE TRICK/ WITH HIS BAG THE IN THREE MINUTES-AND T AQF TRICKS, BARS y WONT COST A NICKLE ee Om? GE PATIENT, sam! OONn'T FLY OFFA The HANDLE! This 1s TH 20H Har SHES TRIED ON,GU22! HER _HUSBAND ts QUEERIN’ The sace’ (s THIS ONE ANY LIKE ACL The *s BETTER, DEaResT Love? J OTHERS! 17 say, MISTER, (9 'T Become| | AFRAID WE CAN'T / SuItT OUR ANGEL: WE HAVE NOTHING iN THE WaT OF €No TWH OF