The Bismarck Tribune Newspaper, April 20, 1929, Page 12

By RODNEY DUTCHER (NEA Service Writer) ‘Washington, April 20.—Senator J. Boomboom McWhorter says the rea- son Mr. Hoover gave up the presiden- tial yacht Mayflower was because he was afraid of being shot by the Coast Guard. The president knew what he was doing, McWhorter adds. “Nevertheless, we have got to guard against two much simplicity in the white house,” the senator said in a lengthy address to a visiting group of his constituents. 2 “Ever since the founding of this great and glorious country it has been the custom of fathers and mothers to tell their sons that they might some day become president of the United States. The boys have always been warned that if they played marbles for keeps, failed to wash behind their ears or didn't keep up with their home word, their chances would be ruined. The President's Duty “If we don’t look out this time- honored system, which has worked 80 well for us, will no longer be good for anything. In my opinion it is up to the president to keep on display a certain amount of bait for young America. “A lot of kids begin to sniff at the presidency when they heard there wasn't going to be any Mayflower any more. All kids like to sail around on yachts, especially when they can command them. “The Mayflower did more to keep them interested in the presidency than any single thing connected with the white house. “Then there were the white house horses. Why can’t you kid and my kid, when they get to be president, have any horses? Simply because Mr. Hoover didn’t like to use the horses and sent them off to a cavalry post. A lot of kids would rather have = “My own sons are splendid, strap- ping young specimens of American boyhood, but I don't dast to tell home about being president some day any more because I’m afraid they'll say “Who cares?’ I have a lot more luck telling them maybe if they're good and eat their ssinach maybe they can become mounted cops. “I'd hate ever to suggest the vice presidency to one of them when they know that the vice president can't sit near his own sister at a dinner party unless he makes an awful lot of fuss about it. Not that any boy especially cares where his sister sits, of course. “What really ought to be more commonly stressed is the fact that the president throws out the first ball of the baseball season and gets free tickets to games whenever he wants them. “Mr. Coolidge did a lot for the parents of the country when he posed in his cowboy suit in South’ Dakota. There's been nothing in a long time that inspired presidential ambitions in youthful breasts like that did. Hundreds of thousands of mothers found their offspring much more helpful for several days after that. “I may introduce a resolution one of these days suggesting that Presi- dent Hoover march around now and then in a naval uniform, with a sword and plenty of plumes. Glamour Is Needed “Nobody wants to grow up and be- come famous just so he can throw a medicine ball around in back of the house. I wish the president would go in for some more glamorous sport like motor-cycle riding or roller skat- ing.” After this meaty speech, the sen- ator’s constituents gathered round to congratulate him and assured him that whenever he might be willing to run for the presidency the parents of @ horse than a yacht any time. With no horses and no yacht they're going to come to consider the white house Qs just a place. “Oh, Crys! If I live to be a hun- fred, I'll never forget what a horrible experience buying that ten-cent wed- ding ring was!” Tony went on. “You know what a big jewelry department the Five-and-Ten has? Well there were simply hundreds of wedding rings and engagement rings—marvel- ous imitations of the real things. Imitation platinum, with carved orange blossoms, and the ‘diamonds’ in the engagement rings were set in the very latest style and littered like headlights. And Crys, there was absolutely a run on that counter! Girls pawing through the lot, trying them on, asking each other if they did not look as real as real. . . Most of them bought an engagement ring and a wedding ring both— twenty cents for convincing respect- ability! Some of the girls pretended they wanted the rings as a joke; one girl told the clerk that she wanted them for a real wedding cake, but the salesgirl just shrugged and looked bored—as if she'd heard it all a mil- lion times before and didn't believe &@ word of it. I had to stand there ten minutes before I could make my- self pick up one of the beastly things—” ‘Poor Tony!” Crystal shuddered. “I started to make some crack about a ‘joke’ for a birthday party cake, then I said to myself that I'd be if I would. That was one lie that I didn’t have to tell. So I just snatched up the first one I came to and handed it to the girl with a dime. Found out later that it was miles too big. The girl looked at me kind of funny and said “Better get an engagement ring, too, miss. ‘They generally do and it looks more natural.’ Get that, Crys? ‘They!’ 1 fl NEWS BRIEFS Canton, China, now has 15 motion houses. Latin is studied by nearly 50 per of the 6,800 foreign language students in Idaho. Tragic deaths in Cuba last year— apie and the i Missouri's goats are putting her fa- mous mules in the shade. Last year 66,000 goats supplied 178,000 pounds motor car cushions. Ed Geick, farm foreman at Pan- agricultural and mechanical Goodwell, Okla., is mayor of & i Pennsylvania tin- their it hands the country would be solidly behind him. It is commonly believed that Senator McWhorter had something like that in mind all the time. was being initiated into a new sor- ority—'The Fallen Sisterhood,’ and since I was obviously inexperienced, I must be shown the ropes! Well, I said ‘No thanks,’ but because the clerk looked kind of sore and I was so horribly embarrassed, I said, ‘You Sell a lot of these rings?’ And she answered, ‘Sure—on Saturdays. Week- end trips, you know.’ Crystal did not speak. “Dick was to wait for me just out- side the door, and I found him weigh- ing himself on one of those fortune- telling scales. I made him put the ting in his pocket. I know now that he was surprised that I'd gone that far with our plan, but at the time I could have killed him for laughing. He said I ought to have bought one of the plain gold kind for him! I wouldn't speak to him all through the movie, or driving home, but had to act as if nothing was wrong when Nils took all of us to a drug store for hot chocolate. He really didn’t know whether I was going on with it or not, till I got that phone call and told Cherry that Pat wanted me to come home.” She was silent again for so long that Crystal at last said softly: ‘Don't tell me any more, honey, if it’s so hard. I understand.” “No, you can’t understand unless I tell you the rest,” Tony denied. “I had no idea where we were going. Well, we drove at least fifty miles, I suppose. Don't ask me the name of the town. I don't know myself. All I know is it was upstate and on the main road.” NEXT: More of Tony's con- fession. (Copyright, 1929, NEA Service, Inc.) —_——$ ‘ness end and all labor is prorated. So lare the profits. Students at Iowa State college must keep their grades above 80 or they jare forced to move from fraternity houses to quieter dwellings. Prohibition is one of the questions coming up before an inter- national women’s congress to be held in Vienna next year. >—_—__________4 {LITTLE JOE 1 ° e lORK USOALLY Gomes | SALESMAN SAM THE GUMPS~—A_ PICTURE NO ARTIST CAN PAINT : Aes) | tt m=] ue MARY-~ NEVER “LOOKED SO BEAUTIFUL IN ALL Your. LIFE — IF | WERE ONLY AN ARTIRT "AND COULD PAINT THAT PICTURE Saat can ARE — IF ONE OF THE OLD MAS STEP IN FOR A MOMENT WHAT AN INSPIRATION: To BE-@ . ARYL couLD STAND HERE AND LOOK AT YOU FOREVER — i You'Re WONDERFUL , MARY = WONDERFUL ! OW , MOTHER - How 1 wiSh 1 COULD BE UP = AND puT ON ‘HAT BLACK CHIFFON Q\GOWN HAT 1 LOVE SO - : ! WANT YO LOOK MY BEST WHEN ‘TOM 1 DON'T Like WHAT IF q MARY WERE TAKEN ¢,:. AWAY &, FROM NE = THIS CABLEGRAM 1S GOING TO CHANGE OUR PLANS»1 CAN SEE WAT== L MATE TO TELL FRECKLES BUT THERES NO \Niy OUT OF IT! FRECRLES, IT LOOKS NERY MUCIL LIKE WE'D HANE To PULL OUT OF HERE WILL You FEEL BADLY IF YOU WANE To LEANE NOU SAIO IT. SURVEY OF RENO COUNTY) THERE'S NO COLORADO. SEE THIS (MONKEY BUSINESS RIDGE MARKED DINERALZED WITH THE US. LAND? WHEN. UNCLE ; pero Us Wg | SEE THIS TOWN OF ORO JUNTA MIGHT IN THE CENTER OF THAT MNERALIZED RIDGE > WELL, Sue coppER HAS GONE TO 24¢ A POUND ALL COPPER WTERESTS HWE BEEN VEARD OF THEM. THE HORGAN CROWD.HAVE HAD REPRESENTATIVES OUT THERE AT THE JUNTA MINES “WRUING. Yo BUY UP ALL THE CLANS Wi THAT PART LOF THE COUNTRY TURNED DOWNA DARE In MY LIFE AND I'LL DRove ‘T RIGHT NOW. BUT REMEMBER, KEED THIS GEORGE J] UNDER Your HAT. TAKE ALOOK AT THIS. COPPER DEAL YOU'RE IN? PUT US WISE TO SOME INSIDE DOPE, MARKS A MAP LIKE THAT NO SR THERE'S NO BUNK ~ ABOUT IT YOU SAID SOMETHING. W UNCLE SAN SAYS THERE'S WERE IS} Plug in on This Gosh, WHY DID | EVER Come Back TA JACKSONVILLE? Here's MY HOTEL BILL AN UMA BUSTED — WELL, TH Manacer @N' 1 WICC HAETA GO INTO @ HUDDLE! MIGHT JUST AS WELL BE HONEST MR. MANAGER — 1 CAN'T PAY “THIS BILL! HANEN'T BEEN WORKIN’ LATELY an! (' PINCHED FOR Money ! Mean? WELL You'Re. GONNA BE. PINCHED FOR NOT HAVIN’ ANY Money! AW, GIVE & GUY @ CHANCE, WILL Ya? HOw ABOUT WORKIN’ IT OUT HERE IN TM! HOTEL? GIMME. ANY KINO OF A JoB, QNT 4 WICLING TA KEEP PLUGGING ALL ~... Bat Cone! WILLING Te KEEP PLUGGING, CU? Wece aT Gives Me @ Good 1DEa — “OU CAN GO “Ta WORK RIGHT NOW AS @ “TELEPHONE | | OPERETOR | { NEP WHEN HVERATHING 15 GONG I HT FIXING 1S GRADY ~ITS. a f Rene! ROW ANTS Spo he ee DARK, SEE 2 — eis Wb