The evening world. Newspaper, December 26, 1922, Page 22

RIT RN a By Bide Dudley Copyright, 1922 (New York Evening World), Brees Publishing Company INERVA'S home from mu- sic school, Been back a week to-day, The fiddle’s what she’s studyin’, She says that she kin play. Perhaps | ain't got ear enough For music like she makes, But I can't see she’s picked up much, It ‘pears to me she fakes .1 thought by sendin’ her up there The gal ‘ud learn to saw Some tunes like woman,” Or “Turkey in the Straw’; But .no! She spentathe whole blamed time On snorter$ an! such truck, Wrote by Beethoven, Buck an’ them, Hod durn the bloomin’ luck! Minerva's .Ma_ thinks » what she plays Is fine as it kin be, But: all that high-téned zip-bang stuff Don't make no hit with me. I figure that4've.throwed away The cash I've spem on Min; Beethoven, Mofezart,’ Buck! Oh, well— I’m simply stung agin! OBSERVATIONS. Louis H. Chalif would bar gugges. But. suggestive music already bas many bars, ha, ha, tive music. Louis! The Louisiana Kidh affair ts very serious“<all But thé name of Attor- ney General Coed. Special announcement—Al Smith spent Christmas with his family, thereby following the example of the writer ot thid célumn. “A Bogash, O.,.man has such a re¢ nose that his friends are urging him to join the Red Men. SWEET ROMANCE! He asked a maiden for her hand, Her father gave him his, It landed on his eye. kerding! And put him out of biz. TELEPHONE LOVE. What had eo befor Mary Dingle, ter of Sia. Pri ang. @augh Dingle Blece of ‘Wow of Losteocks, Wyo., quits her job as.a_telephoae ral to ecek excitement.” She and her Ch maid. Abba Dabbs, ara on a train {Yet us eae vor's whati). © As the train jumped thd track Abba Dabba shuddered. “I wonder!” she said. She was wondering whether the President of the road would be heartbroken when he heard of the wreck. “Well, what of it?” demanded the robber. He was getting rough in spite of his mild eyes. = “Wait, nov said Hector, the conductor. “This train !s off the track, but what do we care—we don't own It.” The philosophy of his words struck all forcibly. “But,” said Abba Dabba, mer- rily, “are we all to be killed?” Mary Dingle frowned. Her pretty face was lovely except when she frowned. Then it was very obtuse. “Abba,” she said, you're in love.” The mention of the word “Love” startled the cunning lit- te Chinese girl and she took « step forward and two to the “rear, “I'm sorry,” wes every word abe said. Having thus quieted the fears of the sweet telephone central, Abba Dabba let ber thoughts flow back to New York. In mind she ¢aw 2 man—the man she Joved. “Ob, Jobn,” she murmured to herself, “would you were here, , Jobo!” At that point Mary Dingle grew angry. She did not care for delays on ratlrosds—that ‘Sas plain to see. It all seemed so absurd. (To Be Continued.) “I believe THIS AND THAT. ‘The other day we printed a note in our other column to the effect that Porter Emerson Browne was about { produce s play be bad written and Evening “Trish Wash’- Bertillon Alumni By Neal O'Hara a. Cépyright, 1032 (New York Wrentne World). Frees Publishing Company. DISON formula that collegers E hurdle tough work is wrong up to seventh decimal point, includ- tng. recounts. . Midnight kerosene consumers on varsity cireult are al- ways willing to’ put shoulder to rou- lette wheel or shed honest perspira- tion In Turkish bath. If Tomaso can toss riddiés in questionnaires, we can fiash examples in fierce rebuttal, Hore fs fine gtoup.of noted alumni. Hard and fast workers, every one. There was Mugé Devine that went through Yale in 1918. He went through that place clean, Mugg en- tered late im fall of that. year, al- though papers read ‘‘breaking and en- tering.” “As member of highly secret society of Skeleton Keys, he had bntree to all lending dormitories and lodging houses. i Mugg had no sooner matriculated by use of pass key than he took all fine arts he could ‘out from gilt frames, The Jad also, had passion, for metal: lurgy | and cobfiseated and médefn: coins. “There w: ing*could hold that boy in leash. Joved tO browse ‘around’ among thé pookatbdoks ahd. snatch up.anything they left on five-foot shelf Lata Ut afternoon’ Mugg finished going. through: ‘Yale, and ‘what’ hé didn't pick up ain't in’ varsity cata, logue. On his way through campus he discovered it was Tap Day. A plain clothes professor of. finger prints tapped him on shoulder and pointed to,club, It was one of the finest clubs in New Haven. “All mahogany and neatly dented from “meetings with Skul and Bones: At’ locker, butiding they conferred third degree on Mugg and gave him} nice room that was trimined with Yale locks. Next day he won post- graduate scholarship in State inetitu- tion for guys that get too smart. He ts studying geology at that place yet, making little ones out of Big ones. Ei’ Scammon had brief career at Harvard. He did four years’ work in one afternoon. Starting with fresh- men, he leaped to sophomores and juniors, and passed through seniors by 6 P.M. Ell was high grade book agent. He booked orders for emug- gled gin. Half the price when order- Ing and balance when delivered. + As paid-up brother in. Tappa Nother Kegg frat, Ell grasped glad hand of ‘all the boys. and-steered ‘em straight for dotted line. He prom- ised ‘om something snappy in his grip next time he saw ‘em, But Ell never gaw.'em again and, vee versa, they never'saw E}i. With healthy rations from smartest check- ing accounts, he flunked outbound on finest train leaving Cambridge. If El ever entets Harvard again ‘tt will be when con men hold ¢less reunion in shadows of classic alms. Joe McBiff wag honor pup! at Sing Sing Prep and All-Americs bemmer- swinger on Leavenworth varsity rock pile, But Joe had spelis of wander- lust. He never finished out « term unywhere that guards left door open for ten seconds flat. He transferred to Princeton early one. spring, arriving by freight one morning. Joe borrowed a checkbook from Mbrarian of bank and forged right ahead in hie work. As ® result of ‘his. forging he was $6,000 ahead and campus merohant princes were that much in rear. Then Joe threw peek at limousines im municipal parking centre. He picked out ap eight-cylinder innocent bystander, At once Joe became a roade esoholar, looking for shortest road out of New Jersey.. He never returned to bis alma foster mother, though they waited for him and watched all ‘the trains. Mr. Edison, all these boys worked hard. And fast. We leave it to the jury. es —— suggesting that we could tell bim much about that sort of thing. Our old, battered heart ached’ for Port. We have produced our own pla: and, well, wow—just wow! orter bas replied to our note. Look: “Dear Bide—How it hurts my heart to know that you, of all people, should understand me so little. OF, Bide, don't you realize how well | know them things you kenow and think | "t know, but that | do know, after all, the same ae you do? “Oh, Bide, | haven't eprang in and out and out and im of the drama from the days i i “THAT NICE CANDY AN’ TH" WIFE on A STAICT Reducin DET! Pooa Mary! ce Pop SENT HER A REALL FINE DOG - IT cosT & HOMDRED Doitar Tut IM HoT Gone 15 LET HER THINK IT.S HERS “TILL SHE Reauy} EARNS & DOLLAR or TWo #+ERSELF - (TS GOTTEN BE A REGLAR AUTO RACE IN “THis FAMILY — WHOEVER GETS OVER “THAT GARAGE THRESHOLD FiesT HAS “HE CAR FoR “Tie Day! aMundeeD RBEANS* Frwis NE FRITZ) GAVE ME FOR CHRISTMAS \S THE )] AWF ULEST MESS | EVER SAW } | WOULDN'T Y WEAR IT AND 1 CANT AFFORD “To THROW IT AWAY! YUL TAME (T BACK SET THe TABLE For} / SORRY, Linde to those of Ben Rurpin for nothing. But why should men like us refuse to. be game when even the Mesarabiane and the Dactylic Hexamaters are shedding their f 1 CAN HEAR HER Gertin' SEF TS GRAS IT. Now — 1 svaved ty BED FIVE MINUTES 70 LONG “Tis MorNive:! WELL DEAR= TLL SY You RECEWED PLENTY” GIFTS. #, CANDY Betti At DEAY j, tow T' EARN SOME MONEY | {tM surPRiseD Trade Mark Reg. Nesloust wy LUCK - AND IVE WHY, HELLO ;TEDDY $ WHAT ARE. You DOING. HERE? BUYING SOME MORE. OF THOSE LOVELY. TIES ? ~SOURE RIGHT, a .., LBoSs- 1 DIDN'T BT THis FF TAK Uke THAT To YOUR yP shines THAT FAR’ THAT Business: COMES BeFore PLEASURE ? IF YOU WERE CONSCIENTIOUS blood like glue in spite of the de- fiant ultimatia issued by the Ladies’ Missionary Guild of Dish Creek, Neb? “And, also, Bide, don't forget | U6. Pat. Ort. WELL-(TLL BE ATEMPTATION " Have \T, AROUND~ ANHY DONT ‘YoU Give (TT ANA 5 OR SOMETHIN! © ‘OH JOE —! WOEY DEAR - PLEASE HELP ME, GET “His CAR STARTED — It's As DEAD AS A MUMMY? Twit -T Dip “THAT LAST WEAR 4 T,GARNED SOME MONEY FoR 4- Jus a Few’ | MINUTES DOVE — AN' WE: CAN DRIVE, IN TORETHE Re MU sa UH Me EYE 2ST Out $99.50! Doc cone? Witt MARY EVER GET & D06 oF HER REALLY OWA 2 T SOLD THe Doe TOF SENT For | FIFTY THE Score Toa REACHED WiPINC =] DISHES, MAKING ——— Degeep FoR BEING LATE TS Barlert ~ KICKING: oof GONG "TS BED, MAKine 9 SNooTs ete 7et REsocT 3 IN DE ane Semiowmon OH' IM SO GLAD NOU APPRECIATE. MY TASTES VL PK OUT. FIVE OR SIX FOR YOU, FOR Yes-it's YOUR FIRM ON THE WIRE! THEY'RE TAKING INVENTORY To-NIGHT AND WANT. You DOWN AT THE OFFice To HELP CHECK UP! TELEPHONE £2 (N.Y. Eve World) Prom Pub: Co. ALLY ARE WONDERFUL: ; Tew ‘en tM Not Hote! L AIN'T GONNA | DISAPPOINT THE BoYS AT THE CLUB AN’ SPOIL THEIR POKER haven't told you everything 1 | know already, because it's always a good idea to keep a lot of things up your sleeve. Then | can eend them to you ene by ong. and get a lot more espace. And, after ail, we must keep in our minds the main idea—that what'll it matter 2 couple of thousand years from pow whether our own or the boot AND NOW PERMIT US. to urge you not to delay your ¢ plans for Obristmas. It is only 364 days away. ; i Yours—Porter Emerson All we have to gay to this argu ment is, “Probably, Porter!” a