The evening world. Newspaper, December 23, 1922, Page 12

< the © Heary «el of hack very Day a Real Laugh | 1922 Evening By Bide Dudley Vopyttght, 1022 (New York Evening World), Viress Publishing Company . Billy's Utter. ERE SANTY CLAUS, | guess D I'll rite a note to let you no the things | want fer Chris- mus, so that you kin ha to hustle round an’ git ‘em ‘fore you've loaded up yer slay. Ain't 1 @ thotfil litte! boy to help you a show sledd, the most ixpensive kind; an’ next Ile take a targit gun, the best one you kin find, Then kindly bring @ pony an’ a kart to hitch him-to, ©’ course | want some kandy, but Ile leave the kind to you, I 'most forgot. | want a nife, a Il, You mite put no handkercheefs er book holler if you do, Ive nai few things that | want. The rest tw up to you. OBSERVATIONS. For the last time-—we'd like to ad- monisb you to do your Christmas shopping early. And speaking of the Christmas spirit, this year Scotch seems to have the call. Onco in a while Chicago has some The old Polk Street rail- road station there burned yesterday. real luck. Tho old expression “Died in har- ness” {s obsulete. “Died at ing night, and a man behind us re- marked that the song pluggers ought to be curbed College Rhymes. A girl who'd not study at Vassor Got mad when the school wouldn't pass ‘er. Bhe went to cach teacaer And yelled “Jtorrid creature!” Then frowned and proceeded to sass ‘er. TELEPHONE LOYE. «What i and her Ch ro leaving Hollywood, whole and flor Having fatied to find holds up the hard 4 thon re. A robber cred with with the story.) “Well,” sald the robber, pant- ing, after his lively fox-trot, “I guess the train ts off the track.” ‘Thus it was, as you can readily see, the robber guessed some- thins had happened to tho train. The society lady had noticed how the conductor threw the brakeman! out the window, and she was curious. “Why did you throw that man out?” she asked, “Oh, he's sick, atyway. If the fall does kill him? Saying this, the conductor laughed heartily. A travelling man with whiskers stepped up. “Pardon my saying it,” he said, “but If you people are to dance any miore, I'd ike to cop out a waltz with the little Chinese dame.” Abba was furious “I never danced with but one travelling man in my life,” she snapped, “and be certainly was @ devil.” The man bowed “I presume it is my whiskers,” bo said. Mary was taken back in mind to the restaurant where she saw the old man with the long beard eating soft-boiled eggs and mo- tnesen. “This is too much!” she said. “Tootle, tootle!” The engine was complaining 1 all seemed so absurd (To Be Continued.) What THIS AND THAT. Why is it that New York young We were discussing Christmas presents with a father yesterday, and he was at a loss to know what to give his We sug-| gested a book, and he smiled sor- mon do not read more books? twenty-two-year-old son. rowfully. “That boy hasn't read « book in a/ they had seen. “I can't induce bim My private opinion is that be thinks ‘David Harum’ ts a story about the year,” he said. to. He says he basn't the time. Sultan of Turkey.” If that boy will read one 0. Henry story, wel bet he'll go clear throug without stopping Tho standard Christmas giit “Saest people seems to be the kercbicf. day we wet a girl friend. _ “Can't stop," she said, the steering wheel” is more appropriate. “Sweet lady,” sald Bessanio in the Belasco “Merchant of Venice” open- tor hand- Ou Filth Avenue yester- ELSE WHY THE SPURS? URING the commuters’ rush hour at the San Francisco ferry one evening a man who had obviously just had a s John B 20 was an Interested spectator of the hurrying crowds He evinced a par- tloular and ab- sorbing interest na dapper young army lieutenant, walking wonder- ingly around the the officer, his unsteady gaze in turn directed to ward the silver spurs and then bent upon the ground as if in diligent sea Finally a bystander, noting Bression of bafflement, “What's the matter, bo? something?" The Ihebriated one slowly straight ened up. ponderously, “I'm horsh!"’—Harper's his ex Looking for looking jagazine for Mis PREPAREDNESS. T was during a discussion of books ] for children that President Wiiot of Harvard remarked; ‘It is very natural that the youthful scholar of to-day is not usually Interested in what we ure pleased to term the standard Mterary works. I mean Sir Walter Scott, George Eliot, Dickens, &c, Later in life there may com appreciation of the color and charac ter delineation these possess {n marked degree, but to young America the general construction is tedious, and his viewpoint different. “Perhaps the genefal attitude of youth might be exemplified by fittic Tommy, deeply absorbed in a picture of Blijah going to heaven to the halo over Blijn clatmed; “*Look, pop, he's carrying a spare tire.’ "—Los Angeles ‘Times. A BELATED FISH STORY. COUPLE of city chaps sum- A mering in the mountains over- heard suMcient fish stories to stir them to the desire to emulate the native anglers, Not having equip- ment, they per- suaded the village storekeeper to Jend them some of his own per- sonal outfit with the understanding that any parts lost or broken would bo paid for orreplaced, ‘Thoy had been out on the lake in a boat about half an.hour when one of them Inquired of the other: What do you suppose Hera Haw- kins calls that red-and-blue thing that floats around on the water?” ‘Why, I believe he calls it a float or ® floater or a bob or something of that nature, What made you ask such a question?” “Well, we'll have to buy ono of them, The darn thing has sunk."— Everybody's Magazine 0 Pointing ‘8 head, he ex ci (ft ges sah," related old Brother Buckaloo, endurin’ of de revival at Ebenezer Chapel. De house rockin’ wid de hallelooyers of de brands snatched fum de burning’, and “twus was Pahson Bagster was callin’ on dis one | and dat ono to testify "bout do bless in's dat had ‘scended upon him. He ‘proached po’ Brudder Bobshy, dat had been flicted wid de rheumatiz twell he was bent up like a question mark. Tell us, muh brudder,’ howled de pahson, ‘what de L: in His In- definite mussy has done dtd to yo'!’ ***Confound it! Kain't yo! see?’ groaned de mizzable man, twistin’ round twell he could look up into de preacher's face. ‘Ho's derned neat ruint me!’ "—Kansas City Star, SENTIMENTALITY SPRINGS A LEAK. y led were not fair and they were very fat, and they probably were near forty, the two talka- tive persons who sat in front of the woman at Saturday matinee dark material and their bls hats were neat and up to the ninute, thelr con- versation was a rambling, old- fashioned a ff air of household talk, ounts of bar about other plays wains and details on the second act talker said yesterday that the fattest “I felt so sentimental And I was home all alone T eried. onias, and I cried and cried & bit sentimentyl any cago Journal more."-Cn} hurry to a store and bu some hundkerebiets t mas Later in the day we met a man It contained band- to kerchiefs for his wife. And we, with a package. latter's inquired: hay, boss,"’ he ansewered CAR JOE’S ‘Trado Mark Reg, U. 8, Pat, Off. Niegt 7 . YHEVER WANT to say “GAS” 76 THis BABY WHEN SHE'S IN We GARAGE or SHE'LL Back RIGHT OUT THROUGH “HE Door! 5 — SHE'S DOIN’ “HieTy “Two, You PooR FisH — You'RE Looking T AIN'T winpin’ Yau ED — Look AT “Wat ! I'M ONLY OPENING HER UP A LITTLE BIT AN SHE'S DOING FoRTY Six # TEVER DROVE — AN’ (VE HAD A LOT THE BIG LITTLE —_ FAMILY Coal Trade Mark Reg, U. 8, Pat. Off WHATS “THE IDEA OF THROWING AWAY \ the Andthough thelr costumes of k satin | It was just before the curtain rose Aod I knew | wouldn't be happy until But 1 just couldn't ery. So I weit into the kitchen and pecied and eried, and [ felt much better and not mother —— -ER- WELL. hs alice 4 om be MY RaiLRoAD Be Mae | ALL OF Your CiGARS- ) “4 MoTHeRs ! | AE ior ask P enenen On i Sas “Here For “HE 7 Give UP, 2 FIRST Few WEEKS SmoKinG $ ROURURAUOAILANAL LS AIC AA Chan rR a r. 1922 (N.Y. Eve, Wertd) Pr ‘Trade Mark Reg. U. B. Pat. oft. LiTTLe MARY. MIXUP WISHES EVERYBODY A MERRY CHRISTMAS hy Mores Cope. 1088 (rt. Y. Eom Werk) By Prom Fu Ca, FRITZ RITZ OH AUNTY! Look AT THE WRIST-ANATCH TEDDY gf! GAVE ME FOR Lf YES:,IT WAS DISAPPOINTING —BUT | STILL HAVE BOBBY TO Look FORWARD ® — HES COMING OVER, ONL HE'S BOUND Yo Give ME_ SOMETHING NICE! : HELLO Fritz)! HERE'S A LUTTLE PRESENT D> WHY FRITZ L You ) ALREADY HAVE Ao. GOOD WRIST-WATCH t KATINKA GesH, WHAT v ye ee { Dust! ret BET} THAT'S THe First KATINKA! “You AR’ SAT! WHY Don't You TeLt AND LOOK AT TH . AT MAID T - - REALLY s THis ‘WINDOW : Floor $ IT LooKs [— Au place Gee a ae SHOWING A GREAT DEAL) | REALLY) | / Bit oF PRAISE 1 | | HASNT Sa LIKE THE INSIDE | cl i pst BE o TAK To HER OF LASSITUDE IN ) Boss il EVER Got SINCE I'VE ) (CLEANED IN A | “OF A BARN! } ii ) ; QURSELF ~ SHE 2 = J BEEN HERE! ~~~ YEAR YO, NS 5 ( DOESN'T LISTEN To. ‘WUR eB g L mi - . i : | te! 7 | LAE? 5 ——2f a ! A Aa 4 eS icy Werkd) Pras Puk Cy elte several ott uch « W its} year, but don't forgel—we're a pretty |day. Mire ruined bis apartment at] his collection of girl pictures was] fact that Walter lost all bis books,| Claus, with Prohibition so th the matter—is there an idea extant| busy man No. $40 Seventh Avenue Thursday] destroyed. No man who ever went | including his address book pughly enforced h that ours is a Nation of nose-blow- night, and last night he had to sleep|to the Kingsley apartment and saw oughly enforced” iu this counts ers? We'll admit we've bought] Walter Kingsley, the beauty auclin hiy clothes in @ hotel room. But|those pictures ever hurried away, AND NOW PERMIT US | socsn’t fait off tho sleigh while handkerchiefs for our friends this] thority, was bemouping his take tw- | the woxst of Ub wih wae the dant that Maciden 3, mo might mention th Mo express the hope that Santa Making his rounda, {-