The evening world. Newspaper, December 15, 1922, Page 36

Sete caw og sine SPE i \ (New York ss Publishing © Speak Right Gp! Bill Smith, he never had no grit He loved Matildy Gray Ar’ yet the sand he couldn't git Those lovin’ words to say; Hank Jones loved "Tildy, too, an’ strong, But his backbone wus weak So him an’ Bill jest jogged along, Each one aleared to speak ning World Copyright, 1972 One day a feller come around With nerve to fill the bill, He made his talk an’ soon they * found It settled things with ‘Til She gave the man her heart an’ hand, On life's sea now they cruise, Poor Hank an’ Bill can’t under- stand Jest how they come to lose, There's lots o’ men like Hank an’ Bill A livin’ in this land, There’s lots o’ prizes jest like Til For them that’s got the sand Now, here’s the teachin’ of this f tale, © You'll always come out worst Unless yer rule is, “Never fail To git yer talk in first.” OBSERVATIONS. There's an Indian in Hoboken who calls himself Derby. Must be the brown derby we've heard so much about." Otto Miller has signed to coach the Kansas City ball team. Who ts Otto, you ask? He's the guy who's signed to coach the Kansas City ball team Ashley Graves fell fifty-five feet from a building in Norristown, Pa., Yesterday and escaped injury. It you must fall from a building, do it in Norristown, John Keetz brazenly asks why anybody should love @ fat man. We'd be glad to hear from Elias Mc- Quaid, Wyn Thomas or Willie Van in this connection. Gov. Miller commuted the sentence of friendless Joe Jaworki, who was to ‘have been electrocuted last night at Sing Sing. If the Governor needs a recommendation to get another Job. we'll be glad to give him one. Dawgonne Him! The time has come For us to roar: “Hey, Mr. Dum-vell, Close that door!” TELEPHONE LOVE. CWhat has gone before: Mary Dingle Jeaves the Beckman exchange switchboard In Hollywood she and her id, Abba Dabba, are chased. up & tree by a bootlegger and ‘a crowd gathers flat to nee life Chinese nd sings “Give Us a Drink, Bartende A raulrrel appears and expresses a wii ind the writer of this column. ,Abba I gone Wert to get away from a loving in who ought ‘to pay attention to his Yeo, the old hing! nikman tell At Hollywood the town is Mary he fe bow-legged, although he suspects her o} Being ticklish! Now to proceed!) “Well, gal!” Mary was startled. Bhe turned. Abba Dabba noticed her mistress was a bit jumpy and tried to calm her. “Do not worry, Miss Mary. It fs just the Chief of Police, and be will not harm us.” Thus spoke the cute little Chinese maid, telling Mary not to fear the Chief of Police. “Ob,” said’ Mary, “I thought maybe he was a leading juve- nile.” The Chief just had to laugh. The job of tracking down crimi- nals had made him a hard man, but he still retained his laugh- ter. In fact, he came of a laugh- ing family. “T'll put you in the calaboose.” Just think of that! Mary feared she and Abba Dabba would have to go to jail. Could e get a cell with a cocktail shuker fn ft, or would it con- tain merely a cockroach? Oh, + bow she did worry! z “Very well, Chief! But you will lock up an innocent girl.” @be said it thus to him. The Chief smiled and Mary saw he wasted to play Just then a cow came along, ready to hook almost anybody “Hooch, boss!” yelled Abba Dabba. Mary ran up the street look {iF Tor the milkman It all seemed so absurd (To Be Continued.) THIS AND THAT. Merely because, in % story Every Day a Real " descended from he says he must have descended not tell him #he ew York Jovening World), Publishing. Co, TER the ball—then what? YN When hefty haze of talcum powder has settled, when count-up of caterer's spoons reveals lost and missing, when last borrowed plug lid has been checked out—what, of dainty ladies then? What of chival- ous knights? Echo answers plaintive | whine. For here's what happens then; Milady coos syrupy good night, slips neat caress to young Prince Charm- ing and hotfoots up to 2x4 boudoir. It is stock-taking time in Sweetie- Cutle’s bower, Few deft pokes at our heroine's coiffure and off drops six quarts of curls, One-two-three-hep! and off come pearls that no oyster ever mothered, Presto! Change! And evening gown Is slipped loose. It is stock-taking time in sweet Hyacinth's bower. Right-o! On upper right shoulder of that evening outfit are Bertillon measurements of some bohunk's palm, ‘The flathead!"’ roars our Cinderella, On lower facade of bordiced over- skirt maltese smudge marks spot where demi-tasse fell. ‘‘That clod- hopper from Newark did that!"? she hisses. On upper right bosom of stream- line tunic is rainbow effect from art!- ficial flowers. ‘The big stevedore that perspired like a bull did that,”’ she yells. On lower rear of skirt, where train should rustle, is dark gray blot from rubber heel. Cleverly surrounded by lacerated silk and other earmarks de- noting triumph of flesh over material. “l remember the big hick that stepped on that,’’ she bellows. So goes inventory of milady’s «.ecked frills, her punctured dew- dads and blasted laces. It ts rough night on coast of Bweet Romance. but cold cream soothes our princess's brow. From out of wardrobe she plucks cotton nigAtle and makes Brodie leap to hard-boiled couch. Yon sun roams over distant hilltops. The cock crows. The muk team rattles. And lo! The sleeping beauty ts a snoring beauty. Now, what, forsooth, of young Prince Charming? He has cantered up to hallroom at 4A, M. Five smart Jerks and he is out of seup duds, damp and dripping in his B. V. G's. Is is hour of appraisal in Prince Charming's bower. He runs eagle optic over sleeves of spike-tail coat. Me sniffs enwgh rice powder to feed 10,000 frail Chinese, “| remember the slob that gave me that,” he snarls. “She was eight pounds over weight from sachet alone." He busts into maniacal laughter, surveying boiled shirt that once gleamed white. ‘Those trickly marks ain't tears or raindrops,”’ he screams. “They're beads of honest toil that dropped off that she-calf’s chin." And now, with cat-like thrust, he digs into pants pocket. Two jitneys, one dime, are all he yanks out. **That four-flushing wren left me flat,"’ he walls, ‘She was a lovely ex-waitress that couldn't walk nine blocks without flagging a taxicab.'’ f Thus does the chevalier rue the night before, And as dawn cometh, he seeks his downy slats. Morpheus mooches forth and entwines our hero. Nor thoughts of rented garments nor fear of curtailed breakfast shall part his lids, After the ball ta over it's too late to cry over spilled milk. Not to men- tion spilled sherdets, eclairs and demt- tasses. In addition to emeared aatins, smudged slppers and spoiled trous- seaus. Plus sooted shirt fronts, ruined broadcloth and dectmated lunch BALL, IT’6 money. AFTER THE TOO LATE, how ideas come to us in our bath, we wrote “You should have seen us,” some one has dropped us a note asking that we print a full-length portrait. Sorry, my dear young lady, but we haven't the space. C. P, Crane of Plainfield, N. J., has written us to tell a genuine Plain- field joke. First he says he thinks “Telephone Love” is the best story and then he slams us in the temperament with the witticlsm, which was taken from the notebook of a Seventh Grade ot'pupil. Here it ts; | 8 since “Three Weeks,” FIGuRESs iT WELL ® JOLLY UP His HosT WITH some OLD “Time REMINISCENCES. WELL SHRIVVEL , IT'S HICE OF YOY “To HAVE US HERE SHARING your GOOD FORTUNE WITH YoU —¢y'NEver FRIDAY, DECEMBER 15, 1922 WIKIDS USED T'catr \ “16 BE REMINDED The Eve FXPECTED “T'BE 'A MILLIONAIRE. WHER You “STUPID SHRIWvELY ? Poor OLD Jor. WE WERE IN ScHool EH? HEH - HEM - Hew <! SEEMS To Vave. ; , ‘ ABOUT AS MUCH a oe “hot AS A FROG HAS HAIR — EVERY The HE OPENS HIS MOUTH HE PUTS His Foot IN tr & THe Third REEL JUST BEFORE WILL BE SHOWN, vied Ad : “WMORROW « «+ ANNOUN' . ee. 6 C24 ¥ —1F You DoNT GET ME “THAT DIAMOND Waist WATCH FoR XMAS =< DONT WANT ANN THING f Pat. Off. Trade Mark Reg. U. 5. AwiLe MARY: ARH THe MONEY For A NEW DOG oR WONT SHE F THe ScoRe Tabs EARNED WIP Distes, Marine WEDS - RUNING ERRANDS -ETC. Found 8 Grr ocn-turt - MAKING SHooTs AT some |-— LITTLE Bor AGA @ /— — ett How Don't |——— | DEAY iT T SAW A Oy i MarY.can You | Look ee IN THE | BY AND Tec ME | You weee Nor \ MAKING SNooTs AT | on =) Mary ‘s MaAKine | SNooTs AGAIN & WELL. OFF COMES ANOTHER NicwWEL FROM HER Doe SOMS LITTLE ROY? Dockso FoR MAKING SHOOTS, KicKinG OA GOING To Ded BREAKAGE BEG Sassy BTC-RTC~ ‘OH- Gast- MARX 13 Q7= iNDeEDT | canto TS MaRRow > ( HAHA! You CALL THAT DINKY THING HE, ) BRINGS AROUND HERE A CAR? WHY IF Two | PEOPLE GoT INTO IT AT ONCE ONE WOULD || HAVE TO SIT ON THE “| SI LOTHER'S LAP | THANKS FOR “THE LIFT BOBBY YLL SEE YA TomoRROW | WELL? WHAT D'YA THINK VUKE. ABOUT IT 2 6 SO THATS BOBBYS NEW Y g ‘ JOYCE? WELL IT < CERTAINLY 1S SOME BOAT! LARRY WHITTINGTON Ferdie Takes a Tip! THAT Guy y MAY BE ONLY KIDDIN’ “Me, BUT THERE’® MANY! A TRUE WORD KATINKA DON'T SPEND MONEY ON THEATRE TickeTs, FerdiE~ let's ST i beat YES, AN Y'NEEDN'T Soke ABOUT IT! THERE ISN'T ANGTHE LIKE HER! WHY, tT WANTED To GET Tickels For A SHOW AN' SHE WOULDN'T EVEN > LET ME SPEND THE 4 € POLLED THAT “STAYING HOHE™ he low) GAG ON ME Too! We'D SITON THE OM Bove | | SOFA- SHED Sup HE A LI't BABY TAUK- Pita THEN A Kiss- AN BING WENT Five (~ |For THAT (HUNDRED BERRIES FoR AN 1) R THA MENT RING? eer 2 [Don'T BOTHER HE | Lsrose SHE'S THE ) }ED- I'M ON MY WAT GREATEST LL KID | LIN THE WoRLD -ETe~ J » See ENGAGE! Knifling«. “Current Events—Two men who| Our first Christmas card is in.|Hospital four years with a fractured}cense announcement tn the Brook-|more your dear face we see.” wards, handsome actor, when ekbone and is still smilin lyn Stands ion las We ect there's a playful] as ar 5 went on a pleasure trip discovered |It's from Nellie Revell, ‘There's |D&cKbone and Js still smilir 1 Standard-Union last night. It] We suspec play asked to hear a prominent sur key in a garage. You're a better man than | am,]}read printer in Brooklyn geon give a talk on appendicitis whiskey garage,” nothing on it but the sender's name,| ney) Revell tha Mine Duman manteanen Now Oke over the radio, replied: “No, Bee. the point, folks: yet it speaks volumes, Nellie bas Hast 85th, and Anna Krickel, nine-] AND NOW PERMIT US | thanks! rm tired of these Netther do we. lain on her back at St. Vincent's] Noticed a peculiar merringe li-]tcen, No, 221 Conklin Avenue. jhe To inform you that Alan Ed- organ recitals.” ’ ‘ j |