The evening world. Newspaper, December 4, 1922, Page 24

Evening By Bide Dudley | Tales Oopyright, 1922 (New York Evening World) ‘by Press Publishing Co. —— SF WAS years ago, when | was By Neal O'Hara. young, But still, | can't forget Copyright, 1023 (New York Pvening World), The cussing cure that mother ence Te gett ITTLE tots chew up fatry tales, used ; i but what about tired business The taste seems with me yet SHER: MOONE woviten Wake. OF The treatment—did it bring |nympn anecdotes for him. Adult. cit! results? wens are entitled to volume of Junk Well, | should rather hope. [that wilt send ‘em to sleep with grin I'm speaking of how mother] thelr faces. So we have churned out a beautiful row of Grown-up used |, | Paisy Stories. Viola! To wash our mouths with 3 soap. SIMPLE SIMON. RISING at 8.46 that morning She'd never take the lime to A Sisple: “Sian Keured one scold, would take in annual Dodge When Dan and 1 would cuss;|County Fair and Midway. Slipping ; oo into his dilapidated togs, Simon ate a Biie'd’ merely say, “You boys) sient brenktast and decided to come here hop to fair grounds on foot. — The It did no good to fuss. municipal trolley service was fritzy In turn she’d hold us by the]and the kid had the right idea, Lop neck, ing along the highway he had a dizzy And then the soap she'd take|SPell on account of having snatched such a thin breakfast. ‘Shuckes,"’ And wash our mouths, and, holy said Simon to himself, ‘it's only an smoke! The,faces we would make other one of those bilious attacks. I'll have to try those kidney pills when I Bet back.” 45 ve, since her passe It’s years since mother passed)” s.0¢ thon our hero Iamped one of away, the birds that had the quick tun Bul still, when EO] privitese vuiside the fal grow wrong, Although broke, Simon crashed right And 1 get mad and cuss, that]¥P to the counter. “Say, bo," he rc said, “‘whatcher got in the Hnes of cure i ; ; 1 [Pies hey? Comes back, yes, good and “We have apple, squash, pineapple strong, and mince,” said the merchant. Her fingers seem to grasp my] ‘Lemme try the mince,"’ said neck, Simon, looking as simple as he could look. The counter clerk slipped him sAgain | scowl and mope, a sixth portion $s i em'ry M pros As in my mem’ry Mom pre Simon took one bite and analyzed ceeds the rest. ‘Just as 1 thought,"’ he Po wash my mouth with soap. | snarled to himself, Then wheeling on the privilege man, he hollered, “This place is pinched~ there's hooch in this mince pie! “And who are you?’ OBSERVATIONS, Rooster feathers are being used on Bats in Paris, But they're not cocked ‘ hats. ‘The steamship Dollar is taking the remains of 400 Chinamen back to Chi One bone carrying many, as it were. Will Rogers “You know, they used to tell us the auto business and the movies were the biggest in- snapped the lunch “Ab-h said our hero, he snatched the look of simpleness from his face, “Il am tzzy Epstein, the demon Volstead sleuther.”” Next morning the lunch man paid a $50 fine and the licker traffic was stamped out Dodge County pr owner an says: of for dustries in this country. They used] practically twenty-four hours. to run one, two, but it's changed now ae They're both running third, with JACK AND JILL. ACK MOODY, a young scoundrel, enticed a pretty shop girl, Jill MoNally, into his high- powered motor car and took her for « drive in the suburbs. Presently Jack suggested a drink, and when innc Jill shuddered the thought, he calmed her by stating he only meant a drink of water Jack was determined, nevertheless, and put on speed as he drove his car to Goldberg's roadhouse on the crest of Choctaw Hill, They were going seventy miles an hour up the incline when Jack's brakes refused to func- bootlegging first and second rich Rhymes of Joy. The auto fiend laughed in glee He'd frightened a man Said he: “He is fat, But in spite of all that, Ze jumps well enough for me.” TELEPHONE LOVE. “T love liquor!” A still, small voice swept across the canyon and rebound- ed from the mountainside, Mary Dingle was absolutely petrified. Could it be a voice or merely an echo? She did not know. Mary leaped from~her horse and put one hand to her ear. “I wonder!” she said. The girl had come West to get away from old scenes. Love had driven her from the haunts of her childhood. Never again would she see the old moss-cov- eved well at 50th Street and Broadway nor the meadow half a block away. She had resigned her position at the switchboard, and for what? Ah, that was her secret! “Mornin’, gal!” Highpockets Ruggles, sinister of face, had appeared before her. He was the King of the Boot: leggers. “Was that you saying as how you see tion and the car toppled over the brow of the hill en the internes picked them up Jack had sustained a serious scalp wound, but Jill was comparatively uninjured on account of haying tum- bled down a second later and landing plump on Jack Moody, The news- papers, in commenting on tho acci- dent, said it was due to the curse of drink OLD MOTHER HUBBARD. GROUP of old crontes called on A Mrs, Hubbard, the elderly dog fancier, one evening, When the conversation was dragging, Old Mother Hubbard, as she is affection-| when to the cupboard, ostensibly to get a bone for ono of her Airedales. On swinging open the dvor it was for the Hubbard's guests ately known, seen there was no garbage canine, and Mrs you liked liquor?” asked Mary murmured regrets for the dog. ‘Don't “I reckon it wus.” say @ word, girls,’ said Mrs, Hub- ‘The mystery was sulved. Mary |8F4. a8 she opened a seoret cacho fnew the words were the signal | 8" yanked out a quart of rye, "This one is on the house, my bonnies. All wer the opening of the bootleg- gers’ cave. Like. Will A. Page, she believed Prohibition was not being enforced. But she merely emiled. “Number, please?” The gir) had forgotten where she was at. It all seemed so absurd + (To be continued.) you've got to do i4 say when." A very jolly evening ensued we may have @ quarter for the gas meter. Speaking of finding things, Loney Haskell discovered « letter on the sidewalk near the Friars Club ye terday. It ended with: are well and may the Lord protect you from your loving wife.” “Hope you THIS AND THAT. On the platfurm of the 86th Street station of the Lexington Avenu by The wind was cold and the man way yesterday we picked up a small|shuddered, It was time for heavy black pocketbook. It contained four]overcoats, so he dug his out of the closet and put it on, As he walked along Broadway of met a fellow with @ bu be owed. “It was for, exactly “i, nickels. Will the loser kindly drop fm and eee us? We'd like to have yim ox her give us another nickel so Za Day a Real Laugh ae } JOE’S CAR Grown-Up| Fairy Good MORNING , FELIX = IT CAN SEE By ‘Oule Happey CARE FREE MANNER “THAT YOUR BRAIN ISN'T WORKING! { MUCH GABBIN \lapar. | | KNow HE Could WRITE. = } | HEY Mom? | | AS I.6or & | LETTER ; FROM PoP! | | So MANY wWoerds - I CANT MAKE IT UT - \ Bot THeree \ } ~——--——_} Cone 1922 (HY, Riva Werkd) My Prov Pu Co FRITZI_ RITZ JE KNEW tT! HOw bo You EVER EXPECT To BEA Success IF YOU CAN'T REMEMBER “UINGS ? BIE (The Evenin © see You LEFT OUR | LECTURE BEFORE \T WAS over WOaNDER WHo WRoTe For thin= MAY GO “Hose ‘You so A ‘Trade Mark Reg. 0 7 FRITZ AND. KITTY AR@. JN THERE ARGUING ABOUT WHO'S TO HAVE NEXT DANCE WITH YoU BOBBY | KATINKA T WELLIWELL! So THEY ARE |----- ARGUING FRIGHTIFULLY | Now ANSWER “THAT PHONE, STUPID — AFTER WHICH YoU IT WANT Y@ "16 "READ !T Te M -Rot I don't WANTCHA TS FORTH AND GET CIGARS WHICH , CLEVERLY FORGOT.’ WE'LL Stow You Vy MEN =WomMEN HAVE BEEN Mi6TUDGED FOR GES AND wa've SUFFERED IN A “THOUSAND WAYS — 8. Pat. Off You Go | AKEAD AN READ IT- i KNow WHat He {\ \ Wie SAYS -1T AIGHr BE A SECRET. WELL- THERES ONE WAY You Have NEVER *SurFERED-AN' NEVER WiLL t MISSUS JINKS S@Z — DIDIA RMEMBER “T'Have ANY OIL Pur IN “Ty' CaR “This AN! THATS ( ~ Sitence! AW Tie Horn youre meaay EARS- SO YoU) | Kues | CANT HEAR WHAT! | Sour ene 416 “We nae New rome Nes — FRITZ CLAIMS ITS KITTYS TURN “O DANCE WITH YOU NEXT AND Krrty SAYS trS FRrrai’s! YG WHAT'S HE BEEFIN’ ABOUT ee Now ? THAT MAN REMINDS | — Me OF A POLITIOAN — TALKS | \A LOT AN' SAYS Nomine | / | ! I CAN Tet OF HIS VOICE THAT HE AIN'T GONNA ASK ME By THe TONE WHAT L WANT For CRismus! ARE You SURE Yessirn~ You BOILED THis EGS FoR ONLY THREE rinuTes? Im \ Positive, sir! | ~ER- OF COURSE IT WUZ EIGHT ( MINUTES BY MY KITCHEN CLOCK BUT THAT's FIVE MINUTES $5, but the man in the heavy over-|inside overcoat pocket and } lit up. Wait! face didn't have a cent “I'd like to pay you now, “put id the with he Withdrawing hi Aid man, hand, he found it me." held his 1920 income tax receipt and Just then he put bie hand in big! button, ¥ I haven't a penny AND NOW Yo express the man who says he can lie und PERMIT US the opinion that look his wife straight in the eye | & enn lie, all right. Peace in a sparsely settled county. s WOULDN'T HEAR BOTH SIDES. ON SSMAN HARRY WURZ- |] que ntar ploncer days ¢ West Texas a no old Irishman was Justice of the Upon one oocasion after the attor- ney for the plaintiff had made an elo- nalf of his cllent, amd started te doing?" sternly demanded the Justice of the Peace, “Why, your honor, I'm going t) present our side of the case,” replie the lawyer, “Stop it, me bye, atop it, I want to hear both sides argufied has @ Undenoy to confuse the eou) |, hepebRoam, ment in be w, d