The evening world. Newspaper, November 10, 1922, Page 36

Start the Da with a Laug The Evening World Comics | } JOE’S CAR Going |: %* Ups By Neal O'Hara ‘Trade Mark Reg. U. 8. Pat. Off. Fore! Fore! Fore JOE. CHANGE OUR CLOTHES - OuR NEW CAR wit BE HERE (N A FEW MINUTES — LET'S Evening By Bide Dudley VERY wee! if “war's “We WAY YOu FEEL ABOUT IT ‘LL GO BY MYSELE YOURE ABOUT AS USEFUL tm as userur As A WOODEN INDIAN ~ DAWGONNIT 1 FORKED OVER “TH’ DOUGH FOR 'T — That sows ('VE. RIDE parnir: HOPE y'LAND ON AUTO SALESMAN'S TIVE CLEANED THE mat “ “— Just tey to claim us as result. Mason-Dixon Line, GOT EVERYTHING From ToRP To Bottom — WELL AF ad eG i an 6 me “Don't hurry,” says woman physi- ALL READY FoR AND DONE ALL THE CURTAINS EVERYTHING GEE WHAT ne AS SHE ee eM - ¢tan coming from Paris, She'll be} tnnocent by-passer no longer runs wes Fuscers wort! PILLOW GHAMS COVERS is eeua HAPPEN SHE'LL SAY 1 CLEANED popular in Philadelphia. own destiny. Gops pinch guys tri AND CENTRE PIECES - AND APPLE Fle ORDER EVERYTHING ALL UP } Next thing for Marion Talley, |ioitering on sidewalk. Troffic bulls 7 heb fleeing poe WHY Look (SO elders aig Wee | Kansas City girl soprano, to do i8|yank guys for moving on street i = : eabtanesis a make it Mile. Marte Talleyski. crossings. You get pulled one day Hi White Star ship bringing cargo of |for stecring bus under influence of bs SSsstuuic from Engiend. Column | y moat Gay thoy snatch you » readers may rest assured we'll be at} for parking rattler in front of hy- i dock. drant, Common bimboes have no rst rights anywhere, In chain restaurants : they even have to furnish the watch Highway Rhymes. on thelr overcoats I often walk along Broadway, Reform birds try to make us pure Where city boob meets country jay,|because they think we're simole. | It makes me laugh until I'm limp |Those guys make carbuncles out of i si »| pimples and scare up laws to act as Fo hear them call each other “Simp.” | ointment. Congreamnen all “has { cauliflower ears from lstening to He ICE CREAM ARTHUR’S-LOVE. | organized reformers and cabbage “_ opr, 1922 (N.Y_Exe. World) By Press Pub. Co__ i As Chef O'Brien dropped the | ¢ads from voting their way. ee Mary had a little lamb, She kept it in the barn. She used to slick and comb its locks, But no one gave a darn. One day meat prices took a jump, The lamb was sleek and fat. So Mary sold her little pet And bought a dandy hat. You may not think this tale is true; But say—for goodness’ sake— Don't worry if you find it’s not. What difference does it make? OBSERVATIONS. Lulo Blass, Italian, here to paint American women. Must bo a make- Up man. Kin of Vanderbflts weds youth named Dudley. Hope society doesn't ges he turned to Anna Cracker- Jacki, the new waitress, and sai “I love you!” Anna was surprised, but this was not the first time she had Beard those words. Calmly, yet with firmness, she replied: ~ “Gimme that pork chop order.” The broken - hearted chef Reached for the chops. At that point a rat ran up his pants-leg. (To be continued.) It’s All So Absurd. «Uncle Bide,” says a letter from Two Paterson Dumbells—girls, of eourse—"“we have read all your Gerials but there is no connection whatever between one instalment and the one following. You finish one night with Anna drawing her e@utomatic and the next night you forget all about the deadly weapon. What the devil's the matter with you, anyway? “P. 8.—Would like a copy of the song, ‘Send Dudley to the Chair.’" Editor's note — The instalments aren't connected because we want to make the seria) more diMcult. Cop- fes of the song may be had for $11 @ech. DOOLITTLE AGAIN. “I have a poem of joy for you this me, Mr. Dudley,” writes Hilabelle Mae Doolittle, the noted Delhi Poet- @os. “Are you still limping from that corn?” No, Miss Doolittle, the corn ts act- img nicely nowadays. Your poem follows: 1 went to a church festival to-night, And many good things I ate, Gome were fraught with delight, Others the diners did hate, But of all the dishes we had, For twenty-five cents it seems The dest and most tasty, my lad, Was sliced bananas and cream. Mp sister's ohtid, Teeney Ricketts, Broke the baby's rattle. Feeney, do not be such a dunce, Why act lke wild cattle? But getting back to the festival York Evening World), ishing Company. Copyright, 1022, (Ne UST when country leaps back to J standard time, some one chucks tool chest of monkey wrenches into national gearbox. We are now having autumn spasm of reform. Vice detectors have seized all molehtlis and christened ‘em with names of moun- tain ranges. When world was in {ts Swaddling sult, we had one deadly ein for every day in week, Now we've got first class misdemeanor for every hour of year, including Sundays and leap years. We are nation of order takers Vitamin experts tell us what to eat. Anti-Saloon League bosses our drinks. And W. C, T. U. bulldozes our emokes. Now we grab style patterns from At- lanta, Ga., instead of Paris, France. When Ku Klux Klan decrees outfit of feathers on background of tur, flock of milliners trot on horseback to apply those decorations, It's got so K. K, K, has snatched exclusive privilege of hanging pillow cases,und sheets on Organized minority is simply yven- triloquist that takes dummy by neck and throws out howl that sounds like voice of the people. You are dummy of this well known act. And Legis- latures, Assemblies and Congress are audience, Washington is clogged with guys in frock coats with strings to yank and axes to sharpen. And if any more uplift scouts hobble down on Congress it looks like Supreme Court will session out on Capitol lawn 80 lobby guys can have plenty room. Anti-Saloon League has cut up our happy Nation into citizens that peddle hooch and those that gargle it. That eliminates middle man. Half the coun- try doesn’t know where the other half gets (t. And reason folks wear goloshea unbuckled is simply to prove they ain't dootleggers, Still, this ain’t a bad land to inhabit. True, we've got water of Atlantic and Pacific on two sides of us. But don’t over- look specification that we've got Can- ada and Mexico on other two asides, That makes it 50-50. Trouble with electorate is that they don't care who makes Nation's 1a’ so long as they get packages of seeds. That's where reform boys clatter in. They want to abolish Santa Claus be- cause he's got a red nose. Want to veto U. 8. Grant from histories be- cause Ulysses smoked too much. Want to holst Venus de Milo out of art books because she's got something on her hips, Those boys unfurl improperganda on everything. Slip us refined sub- stitutes for roughneck joys, Joss sticks for fat perfectoes, Stained glass windows for moving pictures. And seidlitz powders for champagne. And when reform guys make punish- ment fit the crime, stsangulation will be the penalty for having a breath, Burning at stake for lighting cigaret. And hanging will be reward for hang- over. It's stuff lke that that maker low want to spit on sidewalk. yell out loud after 10 P. M. fel. And But for real simon-pure imitation, Sit in the subway and yawn. AND NOW PERMIT US To suggest that the woman who isn’t afraid of a mouse will never be afraid of a husband. ——_—_—.—_——— MIGHT HAVE SHOT AN ANGEL. ICE PRESIDENT COOLIDGE Wf tells a good story illustrating the experiences the authoritios Iam delighted that I went are having fr chusetts in break . For I attended on a gentleman's arm, | "8 UP Pistol toting. j A tough bint wae haled before 4 dnd he paid my twenty-pve cents. SETTING HIM RIGHT, ‘We heard two Negroes talking on @m Eighth Avenue surface car yes- terday. One of them said: “It Ah finds that guy in ma house Judge, charged with firing a pistol on the sidewalk. It was clearly proven by the testimony that he had imbibed much bootleg whiskey and discharged his pistol on a crowded street. “Thirty dollars and coste,"’ severe!y announced the Judge. ; 4 “ut, Your Honor," interrupted i ANT call a'cop an’ have him tooken| .unsel for the prisoner, ‘my client eat.’ did not hit any one."* ‘The other laughed. “Why don't ou admit he fired the gun, don't Y'MEAN Your new car! (F ('D HAD MY WAY Mex : ) (DOF GoT A REAL car tt " AS A WOODEN INDIAN! GOT BRAINS LIKE A WOODEN INDIAN It é ee Trade Mark Reg. U. 8. Pat. Off. opear' tve dust ) ITTLE MARY MIXUP Bans No, MARY. No } ———— Moke. Slories_ v's Time 7 Go T% BED cK SIUFF 1S BUNK JTHEY WANTED AFRAID THE CoPS WouLD ie SIT TT LZ : «= ££ ee } OH: Ho-1T & Time For ? SED - whet Ewa LITTLE Gree =< mY MoTHdee Don't “Ten. ME Nice SsTaRies EVERY NIGHT - Trade Mark Reg. U. Just Like a Woman 8. Pat. Off. LEE ALOE 4 Mayae eee | H IS SOMETHING [7% meee Wert, MAYRE Your / Mom Wasnt So Nice { as MY mom ann 7] MarBe ste Coumd vr} TELL suc Nice } THAT'S THE FIRST EXPENSE | TM GONNA CUT Down! ¥'DON'T THINK THE PEOPLE WANNA PAT [POLICEMEN “Two HUNDRED PER ff O 7 tHONTH To LEAN AGAINST [is i Lane Posistif 7 Hitt To PUT GET HIM-H¢ RESIGNED, MANY ONE WHO DON'T LIKE THE REDUCTION |: CAN QUIT! OUR POLICE. FORCE IS A SOKE ANYWAY! WHO EVER THINKS F CALLIN A COP WHEN THERE'S ¥e' leahn some grammah?” he asked. | YU." A “What ought Ah sald?” demanded |, . 4" (Ut he fred into the alr,” ex- OT heen, i Gen plained the lawyer. 2, ee - the first. “Thirty dollars and costs"? angrily at ot “Yo' should a-said you'd have bim | repeated the Judge. "He might have bro " at shot an angel."—Natlonal Republix ‘ we : : i : A cnt" came the rep! cup and profane language, One of the] horses?’ asked the jawyer he use words tha id t per f THE ENCORE FIEND A : ny a i - SNS 2 pay “Well, he ta ighty loud, sub.'’| your minister to + rmon HB encore flend had been BEE 3 . witnesses was @ pious old darky, who " he 5 © Ay tee : Try It Some Time. A MATTER OF CONSTRUCTION. | as submitted to a chore cronmex-| DUd he indulke in protanity MID RU RHAT At Taneaten ea ng a perfect muis $1.50 in peur yc j Bemgh ond the world laughs with| 7 NTO a Southern Police Court was} amination The lawyer put the question in an-J|width of his immense mouth, “but self uy usual. Before the cur “What does * asked ther of trying to ! you,” baled an individual charged with] “Did the defendant use improper] other form: dey'd have to be ‘ranged dift’ruat,''—} tain rose on the second act the gentle- | encore fiend wrathtully formances ig one evening. a A Down through the years hae gone, ebising bis team and yusing loud language whilo he was beating his “What I moan, Uncle Gus, ts—did]| Harper's Magazine, map behind him tapped him on the Se ee ere “It means this,'’ & replied the other| Transcript.