The evening world. Newspaper, December 31, 1921, Page 11

ii THE EVENING WORLD, SATURDAY, DECEMBER 31, 1921 “What I Have Resolved For 1922” They Send the Old Year Away With a Smile and Welcome The New One With a Laugh <> (Just for fun, some of the leading humorists and “colyumists” ari making public to-day, through The Evening World, some New Year's resolutions and onc New Year's protest. Of course, it was to be ex- pected that, being humorists, the principal resolves are.to make money, humorously if possible, but to make it anyhow.) By Ellis Parker Butler Author of “Pigs Is Pigs,” éc., é¢. | DO resolve to stay aXe a GAZING eushe e ee OR 2 Reap OOM Sophie Irene Loeb B een SETHE By an ou ea ‘we Prem Pub. Oo. Copgtight, WH, OX Evening World) by the Press Publishing Co HIE God of War came thundering down. Into the Valley of Peace, there strife to stir ‘Thus celebrate the glad New Year. And the Valley of Peace lay desolated before hii. But a few seared souls dared rise above the burden. Thrust upon them by this King of Killers. In the barren tree-top a White Bird, broken of wing, Had come to warm the cockles of the heart of manity, And to greet the coming year, it sang its plaintive song of hope. ra At which the God of War with laughter shook the mountains. And the White Bird called: “Make merry while you may, for some day man q@il! hear me <> \IT'S TWELNE BY MY WATCH J YOouR IS Too eee } ATS ONLY | EWE MINUTES, TO TWELNE 5 2 at home and scribble ninety even stories and not rush off to Yap or Nome in en above your loudest cannon—and quickly bani); search of unimportant glovies; I do resolve to you.” buckle down and not go hunting silly praises, but in And the poor white thing might have fluttered away, more broken : my house in my own town work at my job like Helen Had the Demon Destroyer so willed. . + But ‘twas New Year, and he was about to count His terrible toll, which gave him good humor So he called to the White Bird on the tree-top, “Prithee, tell me what it is that man could do to silence me evermope? “Or even to cripple me, ‘Disarm to-day,’ say you, ag ull wiseacres; “Yet to-morrow when their own words become scraps of pape: Blazes. 1 do resolve that I will write the sort of stufi that don't need blinkers and let the other man indite the nasty inodern sexy stinkers. 1 do resolve to work and grin and push my pen until it hollers and, if t can, to gather in some forty-seven thousand dollars By Carolyn Wells "Tis soon enough that ships—guns—men—machines are put in motion, rT F ‘ ‘ i ‘o ald me on my way ESOLVED: That in 1922 I will discontinue the DON'T You HEAR. Ow Guent riecue teatva'te amor FIRM; MAY a = my pen to more soulful and uplifting stuff. { And the answer came acrosa the space: 4 ; ES paye Ueltet. oe ee Pl THING 1S \ “L would make nations disarm, not with their heads but with their hearts: @ RESOLVED: } ~ilt give up the use of the verb THE TOWN » Nor GOING! ot throngl a few great minds, hut with ail little minds, i ' intrigue, Though I have sometimes made a hit “L would make every nation get close to the pulse of the pov r with it. “{ would atop the persecution of the Jews, ' ESOLVED: That vill 85 “For 1 would make them see the wrong, ; reach SF HELE ae I would stay the terrible Turk from the massacre of the Armenians. { for a hat, unless it is better looking than that ce I would teach him that those he loathes f thing Nan Seymour had on to-day! aad j ‘Are made of flesi and bone and soul, RESOLVED: That 1 will not use carmine rouge “would provent thé Japanese (rom tormenting the Chinese with a Vermilion lipstick. The results jar w “Who are dying by the hundreds every day, ‘ sensitive observer. “By promoting the love of neighbor. RESOLVED: That I won"t waste any more money on those “fo atop. you, Wizard of Woe, man needs a campaign of cunpassivn. F * books about dieting. They are not compelling. ‘A world-wide teaching of mercy he work of the world lics in mission, not In munition Let each nation who wants the end of you, Devil of Destruction, ‘ake enough gold and men and go into the corners of the continents Not with a flag of truce but of truth. inter the hovel of the pauper as well a the palace of the peer Keach their hearts with the boomerang that breeds love, “Rather than the bullet that takes life. In every clime, in every creed, ‘Take up the torch against tyranny by peacefu! means. “The war that would end all wars is the war against HATE, “The arch-enemy and Master of Man, “1 would establish the Church of the World, “That takes to its heart sorrow and suffering, where'er it is found “[ would save not by force of arms, but by functioning of hearts. “Thus would I make the world SAI for Disarmament. “For I would teach, teach, teacb—one thing—Love—Love of Humanity” And the laughter died in the God of War He reached for the White. Bird, But it had Suttered away. Yet the Naw Year had heatd. Why Not Look Your Best? By Doris Doscher (New York Evening World) by the Press Publishing 0 i THE SALLOW SKIN. is susprising to find how many = i ] people are under the misapprehen- sion that a [ittle rouge, cold cream The Jarr Family and give it a rosy, By Roy L. McCardell beautiful Goprright, 1951, (New York Evening World.) by Prem Pubtidhing Oo By Roy L. McCardell FIND under the date Jan. 1, 1722, in “Colin's I Calendar,” the following distich of depression, most appropriately applicable to the presen! time: To daye ! did resotve h > mendying of my britches to get me riches. Yes, | DID! ‘Ou_GrAVe ME “~ PUNK WATCH FoR | TOLD YoU | COULDN'T CINE You A NICE PRESENT WITH THE MONEY YOU GANE ME Which shows that the rent problem pressed éven then; and also that when a man’s britches do need mending und he has to mend them himself it is about time that he should resolve to get riches. This is my resolve for 1922—to get me riches... I do not kno whether“ I shall get then or not, but I shall try, yo, Rg nether How shall T get them? No, not by bootlegging—everybody else is doing that. Nor by booklegging—seliing copies of the suppressed “Jur, gen,” by James Branch Cabell or “The Genius,” by Theodore Drewen , Mysterious individuals come around offering to booktez these books to me off the hip for fifty dollars a throw. They get the thro I J throw them out. (But Ido resolve to get me riches for 1922. worst I shall go to work. By Bide Dudley. } JEFFERSON SHREWSBURY NUTY—1 and the J wife have resolved that, during the New Year I her will learn something ia spite of the tement. ABELLE MAE DOOLITTLE—1 have resolved to give up reading Pinklespeare during 1922. His philosophy is not conducive to the 4» «tandeur required by a poetic soul, P LUCILE, THE WAITRESS—1 have re not to carry more than seven plates of soup jen my arm at once unless the boss raises 1 | stipend and gets me a juggler’s license. : MAYOR WALKER OF DELHI—I have resolved to forgive all my pt Bust Skinner, who accused me of framing the Prohibi- him If the worst comes to the & Copyright, 1021 or an undermined nervous system, an! so you see that tt requires more . then an vutside application to clear a up the skin, in fact, change its en B tire color and texture. But it: can . be done with very little troutie; and no expense. No one can expect to lose @ sallow complexion unless one drinks freely of pure, clear wate ‘This flushes tho system, cleans ou i ’ all impurities and very readily clears up the skin. he penalty of over-eating, of j The Heart of a Girl 5 . By Caroline Crawford Copyrigh:, 1981, (New York Evening World) by the Press Publishing Cv, that is Nature's reflection in the face of a cle healthy body. lotion = that enemies exc A ate 6e E haven't been anywhere band gave her pearls, furs and a new 1, fatty foods and too much candy tion tw toe olsteail in order to-hurt me in my race for re-election. Which Man Will Peggy Chooee for a Husband? since Christmas and Mrs. motor car could give or pastry, eapecially between mentee ; 3 C (of the Office Force)—I have resolved not to eat apples The story of a typical New York girl. Peggy Dayton, eighteen, who has jast Stryver is giving a tea Will she have them all In the par- and no powder 8 @ sallow skin. Therefore instead . © aloud in the office while Miss Primm, Private Secretary to the Boss, is entered busineys as a stenographer, Her heart ix divided between two lovers, ? Hibs My are inquired ever compounded °f 4pPlying a cosmetic, apply common | 4° gthere, and not to sing “There Are No Hairs on a Frog” on days when Hilly Ibraeton. her own age, und Haritson Townley, a well-to-do bachelor, ten {his afternoon,” vemarked Mrs. Jarr, loft) ME Jart taquited sense rules to the diet, replacing the | || ‘ ¢ is cranky. $ sears her senicr, Tho offic opens new experiences, brings mew lovers, Begin She sent me a nice Christmas pres- Ie . Jar S can do more than above-mentioned foods by milk, fruits (| 5 ? answer such a foolish question. 4 F . sate reudine this story to-day. Every instalment » new episode in Peggy's affairs, ent and the least we can do ts to “a ioe of nice people will be ther cover up tempo- and plenty of vegetables and meats , ra By Strickland W. Gillilan. BILLY MAKES GOOD. uttend her tea. I only sent her a Mra. Jarr went on, “And ot! rarily the lack- that have een rolled Inst - a Author of “Including Finnigin,” Past Prestdent American Press Humoriste, N the fifth evening that Peggy bened to me. The boss sent me to Christmas card, you know. So, can womens husbande will be tere, end lustre, muddy pavies. y SOLVED: Was about to make her way Philadelphia re eNeTy meRt day after you get off from that old office early Cither.~ PASking, A) fuss) Abus: ik color of a sallow "Ir you retire to bed at night and ; ‘ 2 0) d afternoot 0 ue cs 7 i ir f e1 To bear with fortitude, throughout 1922, everybody's troubles home alone on the subway she Gumped that ring on my hands. 1 ‘28 afternoon and go with me? ‘Oh, TH go, Tit got BORDER Bue vee aILItALt And THER CRIT kta | except my own. was surprised to see made a flying trip on the express and “We are awful busy down at the Riusedly: an au : do not let this discourage you, t © fretful, restless slumber you canno’ ; Not to trump my partner’s ace or to refuse to return a lead. Billy Bracton wee Toe eee ied ee cate Besta eng Omce these daya.” replied Mr. Jar Oe and jump into ihe afternoon the face, more than the body, Té- hel) tut have a allow skin, | Oped ‘To deal with none except certified bootleggers. enoll ing at the elevator 9°) 0 ‘to stay there dwantystour ‘Getting up the annual statement.” harness and be there like a duck." flects immediately the attention wiv 3 wide the v indow, let the fresh air in, j Not to try to reform anybody except myself. a} for her. Her busi- hours. Then i was invited out to . "“AMd you are getting up the regu- He kept his word, and at the fash- Ko bie) fee el . eapeciaily the feat and oa itl i To attend to my own business till I haven't any left and then de- ness days had “luncheon with him, and the following 'ar statement that you make every fonable hour ho end Mrs. Jarr wore the cars ol ie Co" S piexion I do awaken in the morning wilh pesy | | vote myself to raising hell with the fellow that destroyed it. seemed twice as ‘ay he attended a conference with ume 1 ask you to go with mo to meet Among the pote! pulms and unpotted | WIN ft ay Siem sin that is an cheeks In place of the ‘sallow. come : Not to criticise anything the Government does if I can't suggest long since they [Myeqmier Cmployers and 1 Was nice and refined people,” whimpered ReoPle at Mrs. Sityver sy nate jarr attraction to rather than a detrac- plexion. A few exercises taken in the ‘ an intelligent method of doing the thing better. had not been “You mean p Mrs. Jarr, : ry Jed her up- tion from the face of a )runette. The morning upon arising and a few min- i ‘ DU you accomplished so a late comer, and hurried her up kin is the reflection of a utes spent in deep breathing will i Not to let calamity-howlers and professional bellyachers get iy broken by an much on th trips that they boosted 8 anybody guing to play the piano stairs to show all her presente that sallow skin e ee re ; ri ' : desixoy- iy faith so the ultiioate triamoh of , * : FD ee ere eg ta. : he: wasn't. wearin 8 dy that is out of harmony, due to sev- send the blood circulating through goat or destroy my mate triumph of the right and the hour's conversa- You along,” praised Pegay. to excess or is Signor Spargola going She wasn't wearing. it ative eral different disorders, These are di- the body and your reward will be : best interests of everybody. tion at the luncheon pertod with Billy, Put it any way you like, but the :o sing in all the foreign languages?” , MF. Jarr found himself a captive ot) Vitti ert ok of exercise naturally rosy cheeks } Not to discuss relativity with anybody until Kinstein and I both and the ride home on the ameritnd Baek is a8 Mates Rieke BUCKED or edTMac dares xelenting eomenhet bonita Mrs Hickett, a stout lady and & Saas = eens ae i know more i oat e ride home o vd week and when a fellow my age ‘ ‘d r t o nat. an old acquaintance. . ‘ ‘Not Ape iene Te Beitveriandnahiorahat France tas done, Stemed six times aa tiresome without that's pretty good, isn't (tv “asked No, i's just a suspect Mea “Dreadful figure, don't you (hiDK 2" youn axa MIO TR ARTO . i S . u ney 4 : ¥, NOt s0 much {na boastful man- gtryver wants to show off her hand- red Mrs, Hickott am she tapped should ask for a fleet of super-dreadnoughts and a million submarine MS .steadying arm. ner a8 @ more confidential one sine Chtntinas preaate, Her hus, |nerrous foot omthe handsome Turk- i . «| f 8 1 m not surprised,” admitted Peggy, *° ali . ish rug. : Gl t Not to go to California to speak publicly in favor of the Japanese, #8er face as he scanned the passen- as she gave Billy’s arm an enthusi- ,, “Well, the Turks thought ita pretty @ “Ul Impses into ew Yor = 1 Not to write any more resolutions on a sudden hectic call by wire. gers in the elevator and then notea 4stic pat. “I always told you you figure and I'l! bet it coat one, too,” 5% ope, y . the smile that played about the cor- ble ed to the top of the ladder.” replied Mr. Jarr looking down at the & By Emilie Hoffman . £ By Jay E. House. ners of his mouth when be #aw her it ting Panna Tipe ae on pole HA Do You b. and a Let eaee talblng of ars Coprright. 192, (New York Evening World) by the Prom Publishing Oe, t (PMiadsipha Pubiio Ledger.) seemed as if her heart would stop You the Pekingese ani sj y rVaiva eure: locke at her wadal TRING k toys and attractio wadi y G , - ‘5 ie a #0) bg ee MI sping =you St rs figure, look at her wi nj URING the past wee! bys @ ction ot a The heavy P HAVE never made a New Year's resolution. I never expect to make tre aint wae hie ; about in the yellow roadster,” mum- Know BT necetwith OMe wite ‘i Sh aya ve been Grain on these goods during the Ps beating, What was he going to say away there with w Christmas novelties ha a t one. I cherish my habits. I have expended time, money and 2 vied Billy between his teeth. Mrs. Hiekett indows Christmas shopping has apparently 5 y . pe * Money and per- to her? His face was so bright and " "on he has a young cousin here Covsright. 1921, (New You Erenica World) “Oh t replaced in the shop w “ not depleted the stock and each in- ‘ severance in acquiring them. They suit me, if I do say it myself. full of hope that she knew he was not whom’he |s showing ubout "said By Pree Publishing Oo. bout Mrs. naid Mr. by exquisite lingerie, the latest thing voice is producing some novel or ‘ They rank in number and quality vite those of the foreman citizens = angry at her. Her returning his Peasy Soneoltnny I don't see so QUESTIONS. Jarr airily. I'm not here to eriticiar, in pumps, evening slippers and dress startling effect. One of the latest of my country and they serve to differentiate me from the type of — friendship ring had been an jneldent. much of Bim.” r ssories in general, Among the 1* & comb made up of long coy {human being toward whom I have a feeling of aversion. A mun's habits 1). Ua#!P ring had bed a Well, you leave things to me and 1. How many cubic feet are there st thing I would think o2 BOCESSOTIES IN EMIOIM ppareat that fathers that gracefully fall over the 4 Follect his craving to be known. asa good fellow anda reauiar guy. A © Was not thinking of that now. nave 2 yellow roadster for week- in a cubic yard? 4. Mra. Hick lingerte exhibited it is appa hair, These are in iridescent black i i indies ‘ori oe “Hello, Peg,” he said as he took her and @ red and green one for 9. h California is th : : silk undies will have to share favor with Just a touch of orange, and eon- desire to be rid of them indicates inferiority complex. To swear off q as 2. In what city in California is the myudent ¢ i ‘eon | el RAE ab 4 WELTINE, WHOL se Gr ER axceetinn c habit I bY the arm and led her out into the SUMO University of California? dco tae kar with the crepes that have had son Stitute « charmfn headdress, | An- own is a violation of the law, The others soon will be, That is a dis- Strect. Then he whispered into her Then the old subway swayed them city is the capital of @f a husband home and is now + long popularity, and the develop- [iit oem a oo a, 2 tinction to be not lightly regarded. It is the distinction for which nearly ear, “Gosh, it’s great to see you and swung them about amid a so 6 ye ait ner age’ Jio% ment is still along the simple lines each end, A handsome combination every American citizen is striving. Should I recant them I would be a again! Have you missed me much’ Se ree. Temneeoune, crow. But a5 4. Of what was Faunus the ancient ee it was aweet uf | omen have so strongly favotid in novel fan shape which is popular yard. 5 adi es ms 4 h n the long chain > af eve isons, now !n combs is di poltroon and a coward Peggy nodded her head and was FPR Bene ed nome of the ware Roman god yr several season Hew In GORIe wo muse Ue Chae ’ ‘ thankful for the evening dusk which jolly faced girls whom she had en- _ 5. In what continent is the Gobi wed ty Mire, Mudsidan- sil [ct peatoge EER RAE ER WRHEHMEMY kept Billy from see! ne mist which Vied as they clung to thelr escorts. Desert? ame over to where } ni nue abop jaofferins . : am SAEEAEREATERERNEMAES SiG Hy tr asal ng ibe Ney MDI Ok ee Ue wan aaetaine 6. What is ammonix also called? ng by the wocial « eet nea tn pupa, Thess ,,/( Santa fuile to bring you that dott j Ar Fi had risen in her eyes. Tocnight Billy wae with her and she * ; ne int Me. Jari, wae something new pumps. hese poudoir lamp you ao tly . For the Housewife’s Scrapbook = & st runs. rove you don't think ppreciated a Wha fe salapntie itt who caugat his te come im patent leather and suede a3 why not make ous, joureait? emote : a been staying away all this time As she and Rilly stood for a few ,,8 What was the Ultima Thule of from across thie room well as black satin for evening weat, frames can be purchased for §3.69 ; . To prevent lumps when thickening pan. This will concentrate the heat uae IT have been angry or pout- Parting words In front of hereapart- the ancient Romans, the then mors “I want you to talk to the Bitty ‘These pumps have novel buckles and and are equipped with electri it } f ®& Ddoiling liquid stir together unti! 4nd prevent the irons from being |. . th i ” } Ment Billy suddenly pulled off her northern known point in the world? 2.014 fm going upstairs with Mr they have tho new Spanish heels. attachments. There is a selection uf ; : enue Han ce 4 na cooled by cold alr striking them and !D¥ OF cnything like that,” declared giove to sor if she were wearing his 9, What United States President, Stryver to ner things she got for Another novelty In one-strap pumps various coiffures, both in style and 4 Smooth equal quantities of flour and thoy will heat rapidly. Billy as they walked along to the sub- friendship ring. during his candidacy, was nick- Christmas,” whispered. [a made of so-called American broad- color, among the Colonial dames y idly. P luring + anu Uquid, then gradoally stir in the ad- way, “It must have seemed as if I ™ ou keep that on.” he said named “Tippecanoe”? We want you to talk to the Higley tail, which Is really young Australian when dressed up make a chai ( 7 y t ‘There, you keep ." he said y , y r ditional liquid required to make @ Immerse eggs in cold water before had been staying away simply be- with all the dignity and force of a 10. Through what mountain range a n light-fin a mb's fur closely clipped and espe- lamp. You can get a wire doll frame running mixture. With @ long- dropping into the boiling water and cause you returned that friendship original veman, “and every time does the Simplon Tunne! bore? Stryver is afraid they ally pared for strong with @ parasol attachment, the handied spoon stir up the boiling the shells will not break. ting, Peg, but you'll have to do some. You go riding with that old guy in us and steal some ene come tn the pr an then do service a8 a telephom. _ , Hiquid from the bottom and gradually thing far more cruel to me than that, the yellow roadster just think of me ANSWERS. » the maid not ts let fashion: colors, for tneta: m> cover, and an electric bulb may® $ add the mixture while constantly Cheese will not mould if it is vid top. Teeny, I've been promoted, ard my two cars—the yellow one for) Twenty-seven: 3 ore punca. in gray nas tue jong vamp in Diack, hidden under the parasol or the 8 stirring. wrapped in a cloth wet with vinegar. | was getting twenty-five a week and weekdays and the red and green one yttte It + ; Asia: She's found out t They are aecidedly smart pumps may be ntensified by having A — " for Sundays.” & spirits of bartshorn; ight and you know what that * —"- n both ae : If the sadirons will not heat satie- When grating mutmogs begin at tho nommaliy! peiiinn: fork ‘ - niaress) i kalaed yan. arent you glad you so The showcases where hair orn: ering these frames is givem gratis )) r with an tn - ” : that’ - sison; 19. Al r >pl ments are displayed are centres of when you purchase the materials, ” Cay cover an Inverted dish- blossom end. "Yea, sir; that's just what has hap Tussday—Townley’s Ultimatum. la mn: 10. pe. many nice peop! ri ‘ < “ a ‘ } : fo \ * i * \ .