The evening world. Newspaper, October 5, 1920, Page 21

UESDAY, OCTOBER 5, ops Oe i | How w Far Can a Gentlema Go Jn Arguing With a Lady? ois * »Before Marriage wwAfter Marriage You Use a Box of Candy You Walk Out- ’ If You're Wise ~« That White Plains Jury Which Failed to Decide the Question, “Can ® Man Tell @ Lady to ‘Go to Hell ?'” Exempliflies the Intricacies of the Question. By Marguerite Dean. ‘ Conypiant, 1926. by The Press Publishing Co, OW tar can a gentleman go in an argument with a lady? Can he woe ° a—— fool? (The New York Rvening World.) 1 her she's @ liart Is it permitted by convention that he inform her #he talks like « fool, or like « darned fool, or like a Does Sevatorial courtesy in the home allow the use of those Loe oant¥O @xplosive American monosyliables, “Shut up? When words fail him, “yr 'may he ever resort to those more direct arid forctble methods of settling an oo" argument which caien 11) oon or the normalcy of Mr. - Thea questions are suggested by he fecent Inability of a White Plains imple a prob. Jem in politeness ax a perfect gentle- mman'’s right to tell a perfect lady t The lady in the caso, Mrs. ciury to decide even so #° hell Ward, was the next is “neighbor “ot the gentleman, George Boris, mag. Beresford, silf'ionaire toymal ; According to the story of witnesse big fire of towdrs.. Ward lighted a ‘BEFORE’ ane tee yy uch bonfires, $7" sng in his direction. Na, great provocation.’ ef, the State, laws. of good b ‘ compound edit, would be inte PP the married men o {o exonerate Mr. Ba *©*Fallant bachelors «= *no gentleman. vodes of manners, Wwetio surer guide than that “* dur best department stores. customer is always right.” Th ths always gicht, when she -owith an admirer, His not to elon why, his not to make rep: and then appears at 8.30 vow! eaien't more /Swilt not even convict her on the milgence of her own wrist-watch if he is e meee their careers, Who are the? Jeavea and brush clone to Mr. Beres- yntoT ds eytate—and according to his tory, this was only the fiftieth of ‘ which were always “oF touched off when the wind wan blow- whe! Tempers blazed over the blazing 48 brush.’ Mrs. Ward says she told her ‘*neighbdr to gO home—only that and ue -Pothiag more, Mr. Beresford says the Sialanguage she used ,wow hardly par- Strdtamentanian—to be exact, “Go back msitm the house, you drucken bum!” ofr “I admit, Your Honor,” continued em the plaintiff, “that when she made yer Mat remark. } forgut for the mn- Tent. 1 wae a centieman and [ dide tell -her to go to hell, but 1 was unuer It was & bung jury as to whether Mr. Ward. offended against the laws nd there wasn't even an atlempt to decide whether the ding had suffered Incidentally, eating gto know that he was Every man has two one for use be- ‘ore taking matrimony and one after aking. $o let us divide arguments with dies into pre-matrimonial and post- atrimonial. In the pre-matrimonial ted 10 man can follow nt, & young Man can argume y ' it members of the same -fo@he promises to meet him at & 0% han five minutes late, he Early Pictures of Stage Nctables PICTURE No. 6—GUFSS WKO THEY ARE a rentioman, ‘ it they quarrel, he ean arcue only j he might employ if he were dipcussing the baseball scan- Harding, with affother man? with apologies and kisses and a five- pound box of candy. As for calling names, or reproaching her with in- consistenay, or trying to “have it out” —no regular fellow will try any such heterodox methods, Let her have her own way im everything—tha' how far a gentieman can go In ‘suing with his best girl or tie girl he hopes will be best it how far can a married man go in arguing with a lady—with THE lady whom he has married, for only 4 exceptional instances does she per- mit him to know any other woman well onough to start an argument? Tam told that a New Jersey woman can obtain a divorce from her hus- bend if he swears at her in the course of An argument, such objurga- tion being construed as mental cru- eity, When I casually, “Damn it, go ahead!” (And we were on the wrong side of the Hudson, too). 1 suggest that every New Jersey husband re- frain from commenting on the morn. ing coffee till the maid has left the tcom—and that he have searched the room previously for a dictograph How far can a New York husband wey He can en = gins telling him how muol heraer she has to work than any other woman, how he would earn some real money If he were half a man, how shabby her clothes are—at about thie oint in the one-sided Fusband ‘cane amie tren eament, the remark that, he's had abo mand and can’ plunge theenate oA Rearest door, plus or minus his hac If a lady concludes her arrument by saying that she wishes she'd nev. harried him, surety a gentleman 4 privileged to express a chivalrous ree gret that cll her wishes could not be franted! Also, 1 think “ete privie leged to answer a fool ac her folly—and to call here by ease right name! To pass the lie, how. ever, 18 supposed to be a nextetor unpardonable insult, even between eX, gentleman tells a woman sag len lar, For that matter, when sho le one, he urually doesn't know tt. As 50 in arguing with his always go OUT. for terminating a domostic arg eument with fatirons or fists—well, rr that Isn't done, ei iealys Rut to sum up, no matter how far ar 1 ntlemamn goes in arguing with can never catch up with she—like the wollenown n forever. If you don't start something! Here are pictures of two poopie of silage prominence, taken early in Save thse p your list for the woek to the Editor, Magazine Page, The Evening World, ES " eee 1-day sond COME AND SEE OUR NEW FLAT SHE SAS IT SA BRAWING ROOM, NOT A DON'T SAY PARLOR! SAY DRAWING ROOM SHE ! (ITS Yura ! ema Y ‘Whe gory, amily Copyright, Wav. uy Ue Hives Huvlinuite Co. Chbe Sew bute aor diig HORNED RS. JAKR looked up from 4 letter she was reading at the ) 1 breakfast table and remarked her mother had written she could cull that day Mr. Jarr received the glad tidings calmly “L thought you and your were on the outs?" he said, “You hoped we were,” said Mrs. Jarr, “but, after all, a mother Is a mother. We only have one real mota- er in this world.” This is indeed true, and Mr. did not venture to gainsay it. “She says she saw Mr. and Mra. Blather the other day, and that Mrs. Blather had @ hat just like my dig brown veivet, Well, ivn’t that just ike that woman—Mrs, Blather, 1 mean? She'll say 1 got a shape like hers and copied her hat, wr q pera 9 » . Uinimag Mio, Blather told Mamma I had been mother Jarr sick," Mew, Jar wear on. "You kuow 1 tod Mrs, Blatser 1 coulda't come fo @ pyiitical mecting she was chute tan of wid 1 wae ti) at home with a bad c doit might turn into pueumor The idea of chat woman BAKIDE Lhe to Cone to Une Of her po Local Beetngs, As though i'd ueioug to her par What is she, do you know? Republican or Demucrac? Mr, Jarr sad he didn't kuow what we islatner's political athlia- tions ven he adved ubat it a Jarrs mother was coning to ber company he might go to @ politl= himselt, that evening home at th. Mis usual time, Jarr firm.y, “Don't mamma for keeping a ‘ ur home, She wont be here except just to call in. the and go downtown shopping with m She's so upset to hear ive boon id! You can say. what you pease about my mother*—Mr, Jarre y id Woid-"Lut shes the sickness. If you are mama may never 4. But let mamma heat troubie — especially troublo--and she's by your sid Mr. J Was gBolng to Rox) uble,"” but he checkea has been at more began Mra. Jarl Mr. Jarr Interrupt.d with ea- cuss of haste, and hurried away without Hearing of mothei's soothing presence. at such acute moments In due time Mrs, Jari's mother ar- ved, kirsed her doughtér effusively, eked after the children and was not t 4t ul Coecrea ty eam of thelr being ik roousl, ve h “You can't my dear,” “Phe ca.ldr y start’ out strong. They may Cheval at sob to listen to therm r deveiop masigu theria wud ave in their coming tue next day.” At this Mrs. Jarr could not be re- strained from calling up the schoo and asking how the children were. Wohereup the teacher, imaginiua the children were not well, sont the.o home. at diph Little whie At this Mrs, Jarr’s mother des nounced the high-handed t any of ali schovl teachers and bere down upon the halls of education, with Mrs, Jarr and the youngsters in ques~ on, and gave the teacher ani the principal a strenuous half-hour “The idea,” suid Mrs, Jare's mothor as they caine Away. “The idea of that stuck up, little pug-nosed chit of @ school teacher being impudent to me The teacher had been impudent to No one, but she had addvewed her remarks almost entirely to Mrs, Jarr, the children's ner “L neves interfere with anybody's business, I see nothing, bear noth. ing, say nothing;” continued Mrs. Jarra mother snrilly, as they took thelr seats in a downtown car “but if those children are discriminited Aguinst at schvol, just let me know.” GoImng Down. Now York Ryo EAR Discouraged One: William M. Reedy has gone away He went willingly, cheerfully, laughingly, O. Henry went the same way So did Jack London. Also Balauc. Why? Because the truly great leck fear, especially the tear of DEATH They are great bécaus: they know they have found thelr right place in the grand schgine of the Universe Maving found that place they are sat, slied, Are. YOU afraid of death--or-any- thing? Dileased ta that man whe has four his work, as Hubbard sail before closed the mortal door to ent W ndowlesa House of Rest Peacefully yours, ALFALFA SMITIL eee, WHAT SHALL SAY? WHAT S THE DIFFERENCE 2 PIFFLE ! DO YOUR OWN PHONING Hooch Be Made in Pocke SAY APARTNENT FLAT SOUNDS Like A TENEMENT HOUSE PARLOR IS QLD FASHIONED! DRAWING ROOM IS SMARTER MY NAME IS HRS JOHN t? TUESDAY, OCTOBER 5, 1920 THE LANGUAGE f SPOR Young Stupid Was on His ee Sendals With the the Chimes and Oozed a Clever Uppercut _ on Kid Bimbo’s Beak. . By Neal R. 0’ Hara. Coprricht, 1090, ty the Pres Publishing Co. (The New Tork Rvening Wovld), ! *[ ap cone 90 stamp tiga to theer expe medias sae So as clear as vichy that in those is days Horace had no sporting pages,’ or he'd have muttered, “Go bugs, young man; go bugs.” I seid « pailful. For the gilded rule of sport chronicling to-day is that roughneck patuis shall trump the King’s English in every little trick. Poor Greeley! How little did the old boy reckon that in a later day his editorial page would be a place where only tobacco ads. were taboo How little was he hep to the fact that syncopated monographs ot we World's Series games would outpoint politics in all fonts of type. - old Greeley! ‘To-day who can name the sport of King’s English? Alas, and a greater lack! No ohe! Not even a chess match is pulled nowadays but what it's reported im the jargon of jazz. As for sports for men of carmine corpuscles, where are the words of yesterday? Look: SEVENTH INNING ~~ MoClusky, the Abou Bén Adhem of the batting order, kited a pop toward the Mar- tian canals and was embalmed by Glootz's tinselled stab. Hennessy's vertebrae collided with @ saller, giv- ing him a promenade passport to the pristine sack. Einstein martyred himself with a slow rolling poke, Hennessy halting at the tertiary {p cushion, Jones clouted the bulb over the masonry for twin entries on the tally sheet. The canto ¢ ded with Mulligan swinging like a hammock, No umpires were killed, You said a truckload, . . . ROUND FIVE—Young Stupid was on his sandals with the clang of the chimes and oozed a clever uppercut on Kid Bimbo's beak. The Kid's fea- tures commenced shedding carmine. Stupe flecked Bimbo's left caull- flower and climaxed the manoeuvre with a slam to the thorax. The Kid made a pallid reply with @ dud to windward, but only greeted @ thud to his smeller on the recoil, Young The Mayoral Pelt . 1990, by The Press: Publisbing Co, is rampant in Delhi, New Yorker Gets the Recipe, gx i.cens & bm But—Ashestos Pants Ne-ded « { (KA ORIGINATED DOWN SUUTH i By Roger Batchelder. Copyright, 1920, by The Press Publishing Co, (The New Yerk Evening World ) ORACE VAN WINKLE awoke the other morning with a pronounced headache and groaned, But a moment later he smiled. For on H the front page of his morning paper there appeared the headline, “Hooth Made in Pocket," eral agents down South in which @ pocket still wads uncarthed sald Horace, Jumping from ous = “Aha,” the sheets, and forgetting followed by an account of a recent raid by EF “Yes, It can be done,” declared the that his bath was awaiting at 76 dogrees. chemist, “I've becn thinklag It over Horace spent the morning inter- In your left trousers pocket you need viewing bartenders, ex-bartendera and an alcohol lamp, with a bottle of mash fessional mixers of drinks, Overhead. This must be connected They ail smiled and waid: “It oan't by a rubber tube, which can go te Cone. With aabewtos trousera— across the vest like a watch clia'n, possibly, Otherwise, never.” with the m@ht ooat pocket, In that, Hy noon Horace had « letter from Kelley, the city chemist on Worth Street, and thither a friend of his toB. J he went, “Llow can I make it in my pocket?’ he asked Mr a mon from the la son Fifth Avenue stos trousers? I've neve went to th the same result, back to see Mr, Kelley. Kulley pondered the subject for ‘nt, and then eried, t a word Van Winkle rushed sratories and went to his heamt of ‘em." veral other and then went you must have a coll, from which the Nquor will drop into @ flask in the sume pocket, The water to cool it must come from the right hip pocket, where @ bulb is concewed. This can be secretly squeezed when necessary. In fifteen minutes you have two snift- ‘Asbestos 'm living up near Van Cortland Park and working at South Ferry What are the possibilities?” asked Van with no little interest, Why, Mr, Van “Immense,” replied the chemist “By the time you get to Times you have quare Get oft take places, two drinks ready ing Mayor Cyrus Perkins Walker in his race for re-election, printed @ card in the Bazoo Friday morning in which he accused several members of the Deiht Rip Roarers of throwing @ ball game with the Coon Hollow Rag- tulls last Wednesday, The card inti- mates that money was passed to several of the Rip Roarers by backers of Mayor Walker's candidacy, This is indignantly denied by the Walker- ites, The game was played as a part of } a celebration held by Mayor Walker to further his candidacy, It was preceded by speeches, pie-eating con- tests and @ greased pig catching competition, It t# hinted that the Walkerites “fixed” the game in order to win enough money on it to pay for the celebration, complete Mayor Walker made a denal of the At 125th Street another will be ready and at 186th Street you can have the third installment By the time you i“ e the train at the park you will Fave had eight drinks and should be in preper form.” “Excellent.” Van Winkle took out his pencil and wrote down the direce tons carefully, “Ll save these,” he asserted, “until the private stock g.ves oul.” Mr, Kelley suid nothing,» He mere- ly nodded “Now,” exclaimed Van, after clear ing his throat, “where can L get a pocket still?” r, Kelley shrugged his shoulders, yet a Federal permit to buy he replied Van Winkle frowned on “But after that, what is the recipe for the ma Mr. Kelley sald nothing, A picture of a Mr. Vo’atcad which hung on the all looked down menacingly anyway,” exclaimed Van , departing in high dudgeon, “i'm going right to my tavor and order @ pair of asbestos trowers,” “That would be the only way to keep the aleohol lamp from burning your clothes and person,” said Kelley, “but if 1 Were going to exp ent myself I'd do it during a b dor near a fire extinguisher, That might h Winkle aa he disappeare: vator, “but, gosh darn it, when I do ket the asbestos trousers what am I going to do with ‘em?” rs \ You might have known he wore long hair, | are propelled by pressing pnew bulbs. . Stupid was playing » padded xylo~ phone on Bimbo's rib department ae the bell tinkled for respiration. The round was Stupid’s by an ivory soap margin, at eae ee THIRD PERIOD—Van Vécken launched the ellipse for qn ard to the ten-yard stripe, where it *waekid= napped by Dooley’s paws, The vard dinosaur loped over the sward for a bracket of fathoms before he was razed by a Yale buccatieer, Smithers seeped through » crevice in the Eli defenses for a rattle snake's length before he was hutled ra peck of dirt. Dooley socked the leather for a fifty-yard ride, and the Yale signal singer was downed in his footwear just as he lured tt. z Time out was called while the aid squadron took Filkens om stretcher trip to the ether Play was resumed with the skin cuddling on the thirty-yard streak. f . . ° And yet some folks think bpeare had a vocabulary! speare the peerless; Shakespeare: limitless! Yo-ho and a bottle of fiikt The Bimbo of Avon should gi! the latest sporting extra, and roll over in his wooden kimono. poor guy hardly said a mouthful, ie " ’ i Se es. (The New York keynes ’ 4 charges at a public meeting held#im Hugus Hall Saturday night. “These charges are infamous,” Be said, “I understand they are by Jeremiah Schultz, but I see fine Itallan hand of Mike Squatts,, man Friday, behind them, Lat tell you, friends, the charges would have been brought if Squatts had captured that greased pig, \#e was badly disappointed when Cranston defeated Lye in hing be and is trying to get revenge for, own weak Incidentally he, is trying to defeat me in my race Jor the chair.” centre of the hall, " What of it?" demanded Mayor Walker, “Do you mean to ipginugte that he was crooked?” a “No, but possibly @ little bent’ The was turtous, politics uted, “Dirty game!” said Squatts, tf The Mayor held up one band, (fis Constable Pelee Brown present the asked. “Right here, wir!” replied the offiger, “Arrest that gan!" Brown flew at Squatts, A it followed In which the Constable knocked down four times and over twice, but he succeeded tn duing bi ticket to @& carnival town, Mayor Walker says vestixate the back from a week, To # fishy, as delay always dang The whole town is talking. There is much indignation, “a Newest Not ‘ »eldy Aer dam, shing and the Duteh tal of Seeland Is being arranged and @ service between Holland and its Indian colonics is contemplated, s ” billiard ano invented only Afeby ves in size, with tiny Da! by cues in which ‘ @ will ,jn- game when he t to Kansas City opxt t Vmatl service between Ro! A combination table has peon 24 in are rhot A Swiss eclent'st has patent! a rocess. for giving aluminum mechanical qualities and em of bronge, copper and brass wit Pt changing its weleht, adding to fj value along electrical linea. rete ele, as-is + tee es ee ee ns) Pee.