The evening world. Newspaper, February 6, 1920, Page 21

ra” FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 1920 Fables for the Fair By Marguerite Mooers Marshall. Copyright, 1920, Wy The Pregy Publishing Co, (Tue New Jork Rrening World ) The Fable of Mr. and Mrs. Lochinvar No. 2. Moral: Elope in Haste and Di- vorce at Hi Girl Who Had Everything Wanted a new car, The Man Who Had Nothing Wanted a new girl. ¢ Leisure. , Because she was a red-cheeked, white-toothed, supple young hoyden, | “And he an Otho Cushing model, wearing clothes, ‘© 'The maddest old matchmaker of them “> Saw to it that he demonstrated the litle runabout ““® She had wheedied and bullied her father into giving her. “| Spontaneous combustion did the rest. ve 4G) The elopement by automobile— _i2 The God of Love behind the machine, and Lochiavar's SPEED was.the best— ¢ Shook Lenox to its foundations Mother, grandfather and uncle Organized @ pursuit as fruitless—and As that of the ravished bride and the ‘Mr, Lochinvar No, 2 posed for the photographers | ‘With her husband's manly arm about * Drank deep of the wine of publicity, instead of the waters of humiliation; Even wrote, for the Sunday Starter, the shams and snobs of society. By and by, when a fine ten-pound daughter appeared on the scene, ~.* Mother Nature said—though nobody heard her— “I've won MY game—what happens next is nothing in my young life,” = Before the baby’s first birthday »», Mrs. Lochinvar No. 2 found love's cottage differed considerably from tne | : Lenox variety; _ She got awfully tired doing her own work. As Ser her young husband, ‘His romantic marriage didn’t exactly @pecifica tions; <n A Wide, he reflected with growing moroseness, al Ought to make her husband comfortable and be cheerful about it "Instead of grouching because she can't have a French maid and silk stockings at $10 a pair! . In short, the two discovered that their points of view Were about as much alike as Lenine’s and B. H. Gary's, 1 °° Amd when you are married you have e The divorce was managed in the best of taste. Exx-Loohinvar No. 2 found the money and the girl for another Marriage ‘ within two weeks : And went into the movies witb her: « And the mora! is that-ff you elope in ,, You can always divorce at leisure! A bas romance, anyhow! — = Ke ose hee By Roy L. McCardell. Copyright, 1920, by The Press Publishing Co. (The New York ‘Brening World) one Cnn & The Jarrs Hold a Telephone Conversation, With the Usual Unsatisfactory Results. oaR S, 20 & if wine 66 OU know how the telephone) Jarr, “But here the question is not ee service has been?" Mrs, Jarr | our fibs, but the telephone company’s. Tire began. “Well, you should} Look at al these distance calis. We c.g S#@ the bill they sent us! I know we|never made them!” | 4 have ‘been charged for all the wrong “Where's the little book you hung | ““-numbers, and for every time I called! near the telephone and the little anybody and was told ‘Busy!’ or bank?” asked Mr. Jarr. “Don't you| ann hey don't answer.’ I wish you'd go *' to the telephone office and complain * about it!” “| “1 very seldom use the telephone from this end,” replied Mr. Jarr, “and it is from this end the charges are f made, And so I think you should call on the telephone people and com- aoc + “I’m complaining all the time,” said vew Mre. Jarr wearily. ‘So far as any good I get out of it these days the telephone is of no use to me. Any- way, I think the telephone is simply = san invention to multiply falsehood.” “1 can fib without machinery’s art- ful aid,” Mr, Jarr confessed unblush- “ingly. “But you ladies woukin't ad- mit the telephone is a mechanism to And sent a tidal wave of gossip up the Hudson, Mrs. Ex went into retirement—disturbed, finally and satisfactorily, wealthy young member of the Racquet Club. The Jarr Family all—Mother Nature— as well advertised first young Lochinvar, ' her; “her own story” of her revolt against live up to HIBS vague but deep-rooted to live with a Point of View! by al haste remember we made it a rule that every long distance or toil call was to be ‘marked down in the book and the amount in money it cost put in! the box, so when the bill came we'd | have the money right hand to pay all the extra charges! “The children took the book. It was an old blank book lying around the! house for months,” said Mrs. Jarr, “They wouldn't look at it, didn't want it, until we hung it on a nail near the telephone. Then | couldn't keep it away from them. | never saw such children!” “The toy bank that you pasted the slip of paper on, reading: ‘Everybody must put money for long distance cal!s in here!’ How about that?” asked Mr. 1 AM HOMELESS { NEED THAT FLAT BADLY .. Copyright, 1920, The Fine Spirit of One Wo By Sophie Irene Loeb. by The Press Publisiting On, I'LL TAKE IT ARE You THE LADY WHO HAS AN OPTION ON A FLAT IN PIFFLE STReeT? ( 4 (es) (T'S THE ONLY ‘You CAN'T. VACANT FLAT A WIDOW HAS IN TOWN AN OPTION ON IT [Can You Beat Tt! WHAT AROUT ME ? i. hel YOu HAVE if LL BE Hon BLESS ee} man (The New York Evening World) Fairness, Kindness, Justice and Humanity Have Marked the Spiker-Knowles Case. NE of human the most rangle, has at-|She does not stop there, but goes to tracted consider- | her defense. able attention| No better example in the world of | everywhere — amazing of| On the] the Golden Rule than girls the contrary, she puts her triangles, which has|in the other's place and can the: really developed into a quad-| fore understand the is here dis- > | TI misery. oy ht, 1920, by The Breet Fitilantig Co The New York Evening World.) By Maurice Ketten MAY | TALK ‘TO You ABouT IT ? IT'S OURS WE ARE MARRIED ONE WAY To SOLVE JHE HOUSING? PROBLEM! Sciatica. from the Greek word hip join’ and describes a painful conditior of @ great trunk nerve in this region The sciatic nerve springs from the |sacral plexus, and very often trouble begins with pain in that part of the Ds verm sciatica gets its name| must ance. alten dainp What to DoUntil the Doctor Come By Charlotte C. West, M. D. Cops rent, 1920, by The Prose Publishing Co, (The New York Brening World.) position in bed as possible, with the |€eot slightly raised, Noise and ex- nt must be avoided. The diet e plain but nourishing. — oeilliie Wmate should be avoided by those eubject to thiy painful distvuro~ FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 1920 The Leap Year Bunk | Hooks and Eyes Are What Join Happy Couples To- Girl’s Eyes; She Uses ’Em Both, but Not in the Order Named. By Neal R. O'Hara. | Copyright, 1920, by The Prem Publishing Co. (The New York Evening World.) W E understand 1920 is Leap Year. Leap Year is bunk. It's the Bins and they're already married. They are the guys that think all |the world’s a stage and that marriage is its biggest farce. A guy is supposed to run more risk of being caught Leap Year thaa any other time. But so far as we can see, a guy's risk of being nipped is | wise it's even. A guy's chances of dodging matrimony—in Leap Year or ; Out of ttare a lot slimmer than the perfect thirty-sixes that are always | waiting to cop a prospect. j That old saying about “man proposes nd woman dispases™ is only half right. Woman doe@ both, But the idea that Leap Year is the only time girls speak out loud is a large consignment of bunkam. Listen, Pal. If a girl WANTS you, she'll GET you —without consalting the calendar. She doesn't care in what year she happens to ask you so long as she’s hep to the year you'll be married in, The proof of the pudding ain't the reeipe—tts — { the eating of It. And the same thing goes for the wedding cake. Love is the same as politics in a lot more ways than one. The Sig. chance for the pols every four years is the Presidential election. . The big {chance for the girls'is Leap Year, which also follows the four-year schedule. But you'll notice the candidates are lined up a long time before |the voters accept or reject ‘em. And the same thing happens in Cupid's national party. Yep, love is the same as politics. Except a defeated candi- date rarely comes back for more—in politics. Hooks and eyes are what join happy couples together these days— the girl's hooks and the girl's eyes. She uses ‘em both, but not in the order named. We don’t believe one girl in a million asks a guy pointblank to marry her. And we don't believe that one guy in a million escapes, once his lady friend makes up her mind, And that's the nuptial dope in a nutshell, i | The dames lose no time when a man speaks his mind. Many a guy on bended knee has asked his girl to marry him as soon as he’s straightened out. And he considers he's straightened out as soon as he gets off his knees. Which is the way with girls—speed! However, go easy, friends. ‘The guy that marries in haste these days repents at the rate,of alimony the Judge announces. An unfortunate marriage is the only instalment proposition that requires no initial deposit. Girls may be shy about ask- ing to marry, but we notice they're not so shy about asking for divoree. When iit comes to divorce it's the man that’s shy—about $250 a montly in alimony. But don't believe a/l the knocks you hear about marriage. Matrimony may be @ failure, but it seems to keep the preachers pretty busy. Also the teachers and toy makers. They all take a trip sooner or later and get married. A swain should remember a few tine points, though. The high C's of matrimony are children, coal and cooking—make no mistake about that, A guy should also understand that no girl likes a long engagement unless she's starring on Broadway. Which reminds us that marriage may not be so exciting as the bedroom farces show it, but it has a longer run, So step to it, giris—i920 is more than a Presidential year. Select your candidates early. Ellabelle Mae Doolittle By Bide Dudley. Copyrigut, 1920, by The Press Publishing Co, (The New York Evening World.) panna nnn ent ROOD ADA CDOPAD OPI AD DIRPPOOD CORAL DEARA AA Talented Delhi Girl Scores Triumph With Poems to the Barber and the Butcher. 3 It bane yust as good as a cleriv, mon. . | a LLABPLLE MAE DOOLITTLE, the noted poetess of Deihi, is writing 4 ws «6Of §=6poemns| about the various tr and pro- fessions through which men and women earn their daily bread. The idea, which is unique, you'll agree | (yes, you will too), came to her while she was twking with Silas Q. Pertle, editor of the Buzoo, about a story she has been asked to write for the World's Wonder Mazagine, published at Chiptun Falis, Kan, The talented girl appeared disturbed about tie vlory, “L just cannot write long things,’ she said. “No sooner do ! get going The ladies thought it excellent. All were acquainted with barbers and had seen them at work with the ragor or shears, Miss Doolittle merely bowed when they yelled “Great!” and "Hot Stuff!" and read the follow - ing: . 1 would torite a rhyme of the butcher, Down in the butcher shop. Perhaps some of them are a moocher, But not all—wait! Stop! They have dog meat to give awoy, And steaks hanging on pega. And they do not use that joke—nay?! About the butcher having frog-leys. os A gether These Days—The Girl’s Hooks an’ the that make jokes and cartoonists that talk about it mostly— — larger only because Leap Year bas an extra day. Which gives the girtes | an extra try. Leap Year improves a gal's chances only by 1-366th. Other-: ~ nT er \ F y ; layed. How ome! Ld rise | Jif jt nome than mother Vegins rattling id folks believing what they do not Spiker case, played, How many women wou reece Galatia sete se GOING DO WN. } ‘ a" | a eee -the facial expression of fbbers |Jarr. Whatever prob- | to an occasion like this?—for it is ris-|b#ck. Sclatica is never referred to bead | | #]] | the pots and pans or yelling ‘Get out| Wy aunt, Miss Samantha Doolittle, ee lpeeaeniea “Hew about that?” replied Mr lem, moral, un-|ing to it. Oh, yes, there are some, Bourne: a im far more severe, bo-| Hicuiyran, 1010, ty the Prom Pubishitg col] | of nere, you old devil!’ to Tuley, our| 74 agected with a cold. i 4 , ‘ “you, ay 3 2 i . |cause when of long standing it causes (The New York Evening World.) y goes my inspiration. | ,, : Jarr. “You'a better aak. You w if moral or immoral, {but they are very much in the mi- | © dog, and away goes my Cncie says she is disagreeudl “ Lies on the Line, Amt takes heen Bree Say be in| parity. wasting of the muscles and other MY DEAR CHILDREN: 1 am |] On, 1 don't know what to do.” [ince ee oe a le, e. “Well, women phone fibers are no and shake a ‘ MSU SHOae cureiiad te the lies oiittie, do not evocel ! quarter out of it. this case, the fine} Hundreds of women that have been writing this to you at the sug- Ellie!” — replied worso than the me replied Mrs. Then the children Foob, { But getting back ee * — —- got at it, and I think Gertrude was at| °2 SWF) cttitude of Mrs, | tried in such instances have been wo- ar Bl i j gestion of a very brilliant wo- |] | Pertle, “if there wasn't a barber short | {Bay oe adhe Aunt sy 1 too, ‘The telephone ruins honesty! “Swemse Spiker must stand fully found wanting, ‘They are hasty | satiny Laepipapen tnt Tass T take Cie Nine, if yom |] in Feewons # Se vee i aes I would hav a ebb ‘ ; vesanity |to jump at conclusions, They cannot and all remedies + needing time to get a shave, fd write e sung this to you ; ‘n (DoYou as well as veracity, I think, Anyway, | out as an example of bigness of spirit / to Jump at less, even the most herotc forms of ||] ‘Mink I deserve it, but I hope give the “ 2 > = But canna I took the little pank away.” that is most creditable, to say the| sive th. t of the doubt. | it wakes you up. it for you. cannot play in A flat. UAT ie ; But, wbove all, they cannot put| treatment Hy | Phas Miss Doolittle was seen to think Kav w? Well, here's a charge to Baltimore | least, ering | themselves in the place of the woman| Tn such cases the cause is frequent- The kind woman says the |l| seony, Then the idea took form. A» Miss Doolittle finished reading, 2 -two charges to Baltimore!" cried Here she is, insisting on rendering Who io eulleting and missrabie anally very obscum, auch an tumers in| {| World i full of PARASITNS ie 1 fl Ha a earlae OF brkde and Mrs. Cutey ogg arose and said: "ft ; egy ain ty The Gre Petite ON | ME, Jerr. “We Bave no business with /all possible ald to the girl whom her ee tae has bean “more elnned| the pelvis, of a diseased ‘bone, or in-||/ She claime that young iI lprotentinn “Seema” ane eald’ %C abndl [thanks ot" Gog tee So oaeame | j ge ede! scuba peenens eet ios lithe wet against than sinning.’ juries of the hip joint, Examinations |{! couples and others are often ||| begin with ane oa eet chair under | ?ausible poems.”* | < 2, What famous privon : A Neighbor's Calls, Xo. qo fo: far 88 19 BAQRt TH) ' “Always there is the constant ery|of the abdominal and pelvic cavities ||| held down and not allowed to HAP ena teas hee nit dawn end aiice ctor ae Tee ae & atroyed during the Frenen Aj “Those were Mrs. Kittingly’s," said | bObY- |of woman against woman that I find | often reveal the eeat of the trouble. | [) att SCAUSE |L |immediately, He was deeply im. | *onelag ne hen the ladies Z h ain prosperity BECAUSE y. applauded with great gusto, 4 tion? Mrs. Jarr. Her words are an inspiration of the | that come —|The X-ray “< valuable preseed with the idea and wanted the | . he : j ; : ene in many letters that come to me—|T" has proved in OH ll they tavelivine dn the noun lle nd wanted the |" all_were pleased. | 2, What are the Books ¢ ses) “She's got a nerve using our tele-| highest type of kindness, to say Me) ty juious outbursts, where noth- | ge: rehing out obscure causes of soi- |] [poems for the Baz00. Miss Dooli enahcuiil 2 called? phone for long distance calls like|least, She says in her letter to the ing of any great moment has hap-|atio pain Re nae” Rae hemi aay) | Prose NTE kant rena pli gt ADVERTISEMENT. | is y sie Hs su si i Sy s s pa Pa |||} finugus Hall and read them to the} ENT. | ; 3. In what country did ‘he Inquisi-| that! ventured afr. Jarr iat Pe eer aaa ttn carta cet la oi lack ray earns on ailcuactete! aun grandmothers — ateters |f | [UKs Hee i Women's Betterment | eo ASE Lb DNS i § \. tien 7 ‘Ob, she paid me for them,” said] “It is no Liga me ee reas /of this wife gives great food for | gradually, simulating Inmbago a-| 1} OF dell ee be of them, who Teams in Meee) ¥ eT she other | eennes That Come | 4, What Roman was stabbed OY) Mrs, Jarr quickly, “and 1 spent the|#¥ how sorry Iam that things are 48 thought certainly to those who bave | ually ‘ : : are NON-PRODUCERS, \J|about the barber and the other | Ja ly, “and 1 spent the es ually working down the le Men are ‘ sess heme ie r H Brutus money. That's alwaye the way when| they are. What you eign ald aa bea! aiuic x to c onion nd hasty in| Par more liable to this affection than ||) A non-producer is the biggest See all care Ga ahe nerd up coe hand | ; From Neglected Teeth F 5. What Kuropean city is noted for} people pay you back for things like| ply try to ima pea ap near Lagi nage women, It has been called hip gout, || nuisance in the world, for said || |and began to read the Wurth m. It] Science knows now that diseased 2 its gondo |. |that. You always spend the money.”| terrible. Ab, re SS i ee ae a and is most common between the || non-producer is generally mind- |) | follows an in grownups cause rheumatism, > 6 What is the instr f mt ies This bill says the telephone will Leela re ae eee roken 4 fat ages of forty and sixty. Prolonged ||| jng some ono else's business Sing ho, for the merry barber neers tas 1 ar gestions tn ohidaaay 4 whieh urveyor uses le measure} ye discontinued vith. | the dark side, w ° ill o1 , nes ae perishes cael Kan aS, iT | quent colds, . affec- F : hich a sury ee eeee eee eee ee ee ee eee eal aversihing will 2 Sof the green-eyed monster | Constipation of the lower bowel hi much to the discomfort of the ||| He stands there by his chair tions, As epidemics enter through the! ; in three day remarked Mr. Jarr P la wnify, and many a woman/| been known to exctte it, in which een nr he can’t go any farther outt ‘| i : ‘ Wax the nationality of the] opnavs why 1 asked you t 1 at| turn out all right. hee by only reas ; other person | | And when he ca mouth, such children are often vietims | t wa 4 Jomalit na hy I asked you to call al r ving 1Y | cause pungation affords relics Pte t your hair | of influenza and spinal meningitis. i g Lombroso? ihe ams aia Gmina ae “| “Oh, d wish I could take your place | locking t | Now, if all the aforesaid rela- J | He will try to cut your he i meningitis. ; somnbros ce and ec nd pay it, ‘Oh, d wis 4 65 Rut sciatica is usually of very long Mouth cleantine r | : A | Also, th is the other side. P ors ew have you too, if you are anliness is necessary for : ‘ American actor is best] said) Mrs, Jarr m sure I don't| {for @ while and you mine, You have| |, Also, there is the ¢ he child |standing, being very obstinate. Much | {| tvs and others who are Liv. | He wilt, shave you t00, i) you ure) ody the year around, Tien | ta ; ° id little | Pi8KeSst factor of al, in fa the i e iG op fyi at does ad known us a femaie impsrsmnator? —leare if they out the old telephone off| oe through so much and I so little] jnfenst factor of all, in fam the child | standing, velng Very obstinate. Much! ll ING OFF OF their relatives sleepy. not mean “pyorrhea cures” or other | ohe 1a , DP ‘ ey i 9. How m degrees do the the|/1 think they'll let messages come in,| Sorrow in this world case gives some sign that the dark | ang rest of the affected limb. There is |], and friends were compelled to | Or if you are somewhut drunk. | mysterious articles. Pyorrhea is un- { °°" interior les Of a triangic e« but won't let any go out till the bili]! When you think of the intolerance | Fes ure pase, end baat He ate le acai fue it, AMGCME evAreHtine do three hours’ work per day ||| But when vou get his bill, oh peopte?| known among the young and children sf % 10, From what animal is the is paid.” and bitterness that are often fostered] “yam hopeful that the time will|under the sun having been tried FOR THE ATE, then the | You will not think him very nice.| Should not be allowed to use any obtained for t wiss eh ‘ ; i | ‘ Preparation claiming to cure this . OF what m is th I haven't the money to spare to|by one woman sgainst another it is/come when narrow views and short: | trom hypodermic injections of owmic ||) idleness and BUSYBODYNESS mie hadi ii sak Fatih will? . i “ eed to see such fa sighted methods De broken and s | . reeney Ricketts, — | dis phonvsrapa 4 wa ony sven. il.” began Mr. Jar.) refreshing indeed to see muah faire | if of the child ghampioned, go |#cld to ‘blisterings with hot needles |] would stop and many a needy |] | My sister’s child, Teeney Ricketts, | Unlike these, Albodon Dental Cream see ae Who wrote the poom Well, you find it!" replied his wife] ness and justice display ed by th that ‘ihe Will get his ‘chance ‘on’ an|One's general health hax a good deai|1 hid would have a sweater and || _Sa¥ @ man w itn st Vine dance. simply. calcu eachoneee seeeain " ie Hoe sharply very 0! vho ordi e the | equalit 1 every other average e cure. FA Da said he wa M 0.| fied an 1 Se ee ee caren na wia Mme , y one whe: aralnarlly woaklite the | equality» y ol average }to do with the cure, This must t many a baby would come out of || She rudely said he was shimmying. | fied and mixed with the well-known é And did, So the Jarr telephone | Most ager ¢ ‘ally most es is he been the chief suf. | looked after and the entire course the hospital warm and not cold, ||| Teenew 1 am really askance, | eptic oils of cloves, QUESTIONS. : sUll works both ways—but no bet- | affected. ho main sacrifice SUF | eneatment regulated accordingly, bu What do YOU think about itt | | But getting back to the barber SueAl OUR a Jugo-lter than anybody else's telephone,| She docs not bug a grieva 1 has, T rest In a Ww h OY ee cauoh eaded deoken Tete Maney pleman Monaco: 61 tae an ; Rp ncngenings i Soldineig: se a fort imperative sig Yours truly | He Mo # mae and Sule fo let ood tae Engiand ;12,|. Question: Is this more of Pro-| approbation that she would naturally | , : BAL 2 ‘ 4 a A ALFALFA SMITH, Foam on eienie refaisian {ind eh be in 2oup Aces ae hibition’s inhibitions? wet even if she were against the gl. hood. pa, }unssted upon, anaintaining as level « hex Hootyit is not such a bad prose. ‘lanteed at pny drag store, a, ‘ v 5 ; 4 3 <4 -- — oe i rere ~—e — a agp pn