The evening world. Newspaper, December 3, 1918, Page 17

» and Germany in particular, making all kinds of “big talk.” put he figures that at least he can live UCM How the Kaiser Feels By the Rev. Thomas B, Gregory Copyright, 1918, by The Press Publishing Co, (The New York Brening World.) OW DOKS the Kaiser feel? | t I will be obliged to answer the question by telling a very brief story—a true story, by the way. | About twenty years ago there was a big “revival” meeting in the little | Maine town near which I was spending my vacation, and at its close the converts were asked to give their “experience.” Among them was @ young fellow who was somewhat short on brains and whose memory was very | Poor. Thinking that he might be called on to speak, he got a friend to teach him a little piece for delivery at the proper time. When called on in meeting the poor fellow arose and tried to speak, but he had forgotten the whole thing, all but the words “I feel.” Repeating them several times without being able to get any further, he at last broke into tears and made a clean breast of the whole situation with the confession, “I feel | like a blame fool!” To the question, “How does the Kaiser feel?” the answer is, “The Kaiser feels like a ‘blame fool.’” William Hohenzollern is probably the sickest mortal, the most self- disgusted mortal, and in his own mind and feelings the most bitterly hu- miliated mortal that ever stood up in shoe-leather. It is bad enough to be made a fool of by others, but to make a fool of yourself, and to do it seriously—there’s where the chagrin comes int Think of it for a moment. Just a little while ago the aforesaid Will- fam Hohenzollern (so he said) was especially chaperoned by the Almighty Uimself. He and the Almighty were yoke fellows, almost chums, as inti- gate as the Siamese Twins. He had no fear, for could mortal man con- end with God, and was He not perpetually beside him? Knowing this (he said he knew it), he went about Europe in general, ) Less than five years ago he said, “It is my purpose to so arrange the | affairs of this world that from now on nothing of any importance will bo done anywhere without first consulting the German Wmperor.” In a! public address (at Hamburg, I think), he used this flamboyant language: | “Thero is ‘but one man in all Germany whose word is law, and 1 am that man.” The mighty one, the demigod, the beloved and the chosen of the Al- mighty (so he said), feeling his quasi-omnipotence, sends word to us that | he “will stand for no foolishness from the United States.” And behold the situation as it is to-day! It is no longer the Kaiser, | but just plain Herr Wilhelm Hohenzollern! Did you ever hear of such a And as for the Almighty—He has no more use for Herr Wilhelm than He has for any other ordinary mortal. The Fatherland is planning to declare a republic, and in some parts of it they are offering big money to any one who will deliver up Herr | Hohenzollern, dead or alive. As for the United States, from whom he was going to take no fool- ishness, it has broken and scattered his armies, knocked his throne galley west, driven him like a wild ass into the mountains and made him the laughing-stock of the world! Yes, we know just how the Kaiser feels—he feels like a blame fool. Whys and Wherefores of Love and Matrimony. No. 10—Why So Many Men Despise a Tidy-Teddy Type of Wife. By Fay Stevenson. my children, Deliver me from the weman who thinks the earth Is a Conyrigint, 1918, by The Press Publishing Co, |bOdy of dirt entirely surrounded by (The New York Evening World.) ‘HOME PAGE Tuesday, December 3, 1918 L Won't HAVE You Ns AROUND The Piace! Tat Guan SHE (S NOT. No MAKES ME soap and water! Rather give me a OU can never convince a man| Wife who is a companion, whd skims Y that a woman will make a over the details of life and takes a splendid wife because she is peek into one's soul!” “such an excellent housekeeper.” You can tell him that a woman is a *Carcless Kate” and he will lead her to the altar unabashed, But just whisper that she is a dear, tidy little soul and watch him run the other way! - Of course, every woman knows that man’s aversion to mops, brooms and such paraphernalia is usually carried too far, but it is well for woman to be ablo to appreciate the masculine point of view. There is no doubt that there is @ ‘'Tidy-Teddy type of wife who makes life most unbearable, Sho has @ list and “mustn't” two yards From rty to Sudden Wealth Is the Unexpected Fate Of Victor Jones SYNOPSIS OF PIECE: BY H. De VERE “Sta long. frets over a speck of dust | ,,,,.1i;t0 Jones of Philadephia gore yo Londen seeking a t finda or a spot upon the table linen as | Jones is twin te wed thelt coming teether. The t akes next inorning Ine strange, Dut elaburate ca 8 wcrvaut ovine. abut, much as sho would over the death © and “soee ‘tate taro her pet poodle, And, if the truth were known,. she has sent more than one cligible man down Bachelor Lane, If sho has an unmarried brother, uncle, cousin, or even a bachelor neighbor, sho has given him an inside view of | and marble ceiling, The bath was homo life which will never inspire | sunk in the floor, Across hot matrimony, Why, even the postman, | Water pipes, plated with silver, bung tne milkman and the butcher boy wil of huckaback, white towels romain bachelors when they see this with “cardinal red fringes, Here too i ree » stood a wonderful dressing table, one Ea ak Geely ee aan iad of glass, with razors set jou, manicure instruments, brushes, mire @ “Careless Kate” type of wife,| powder puts, scent botties, Jones came into this place, walked round it ake a cat in a strange lard Buuged the depth of the batn, glance Gt the things on the table, and was in the act of picking up ‘one of the manicure implements, when a sound from the bedroom drew his attention, CHAPTER Il, (Continued) 'T was a Pompeian bathroom with tessellated floors, marble walls with her without getting his shins bruised by a broom or having to play leap frog over a carpet-sweeper. “Careless Kate” wife is a real sport She can go camping or rent a cottage by the sea, and her husband can be|” y obs Wha hav Ibe enoct hale. ay cure-free as in his bachelor day®| some one who seemed altering th One don't think she is going to com-| position of chairs and arranging plain about the horrid cooking utensils} things. He judged it to be the ser- atcamp or the litte unkempt cottage, | vant who had answered the bell; he Wry wie uy pot wll her exeray | considered that it was better to have into cleaning gp somebody else's cot-| the thing out now, and have done tag Ansteat she puts on an old] with it, He Wanted a full explanation, sweater and roughs it. And she andjand bravely, but with the feelings of her husband have @ jolly good time. _|@ man who is entering a dental par Man naturally hates the detuils of |lor, he came to the bathroom door. home life. He wants a good dinner} A pale faced, agile-looking young and he wants well behaved children, | Man with glossy black hair, a young Dut he doesn't want to hear how | man in a sleeved waistcoat, a young many steps it took to prepare that | Man carrying a shirt and set of pink dinner nor how many spankings were | Sk under garments over his left necessary to make his children reach |@FM, was in the act of placing a the “well behaved” stage. And a|palr of patent leather boots with clever wife always manages to push | kid tops upon the floor, A gorgeous these details into the skground, | dressing gown lay upon the bed, It And as for mops and broon presto! | had evidently been placed there by the agile one. Jones had intended to ask explana- unde man arrive jock and key when Heer ee aero eee tions. That intention — shrivelied pete, tae pane man has said to | somehow, in the act of apesch, Whi 'Yidy-Teddy women my life will be | he uttered Was a very mildly framed just one ‘don't er another, When | Fequest. y want to read ‘The Meditations of Brent tave: my clothes, Marcus Aurelius’ to her I will find | Please?” sald Jones, her cleaning out the corner cups | uy See my Lord.” replied the other. doard, 1 cun't expect a wife who is} %,am placing them ou The instantaneous anger raised by constantly giving @ finishing pollah | gn, ‘pateot fact that ho way beine to the cul glass to analyze my char- acter to appreciate my feelings. She will tell me if my era 1s crook- ed or that my hair ts in fine condi- tion for the barber, but she will never wmile into my eyes with that keen understunding of a wife who thor- oughly comprehends my thoughts, I don't want another pair of eyes to a8 instantly checked by lection of Rochester, other practical joke. This house was evidently Rochester's — the whole thing was plain, Well, he would show that tricky spirit how he could take a joke and turn it on the lake Brer Rabbit he de- the recol Here was an pointjout my defects. I want a wife ed to He ki whe tudy life, human naturggnd' He withdrew, iat the bathroom guyed by the second apparition was ¢ and sat down on the r bottomed chair by table, his temper coiled, and ready to fly out like a spring Ho was seated like this, curling his toes ind nursing his resolve, when the Asie One, with gravity that disarmed all anger, entered with the dressing gown. He stood holding it up, and Jones, rising, put it on. Then the A. O, tilled the bath, trying x the temperature wilh a thermometer, and 60 absorbed in his business that he might have been alone. ‘The bath fled, he left the room, closing. the door, He had thrown some crystals into’ the water, scenting it with a grant and refreshing, the was ju and as wallowed and lay rails arranged for that purpose, the idea came to him that if the practical joke were to continue as pleasantly as it had be- gun, he, for would not grumble. Soothed by the warn mind took He left the bath and, drying him self, donned the dressing gown, Tooth pu 1a tooth brush stood on a glass t alittle basin fur nished with d cold water taps, and now are men con stituted, f of his pos! tion were dwarfed for a second by the consideration that he had no tooth brush of his own thing brought his ¢ is along with his growin tati Me opened the Bedroom door. The glossy haired one was put links in the sleeves of a shirt Ten r a new one,” ald J brusque Yes, my Tord.” The man dropped the shirt and lef the room swiftly, but not_hurriediy care to close the door softly the first Indication to Jones ete and a mech stituted that "They evidently kent a store of tooth brushes, for less than a and a half Expedition had returned with the tooth brush on a little lac- quered tray. Now, to a man accustomed to dress himself it comes as a shock to have his underpants held out for him to Go DOWN ANDO Sé€ IF You CAN SETTLE THe / ua yu Be / € Sony DRINKS! 3 oO T WON'T AK UP IN FAMILY QUARRELS 0 DID HE QUT OF Tris (MARRY: BUILDING! HER ; i Ve wet into a¥ though he were @ litue boy. his happened to Jones pink silk. A pair of subfuse colored trousers creased and looking absolutely new were presented to him in the same manner, He was allowed to put on his OWN socks, silk and never worn and they yefore, but he was nut allowed to put on his own boots, perfect valet did that, ng before him, (FI GET HOLD OF YOU IGG Noe iL You f (N THe FLAT BELOW \ Purpose of removing any article that might cast suspicion, or raise the Suspicion that he, Jones, was not Rochester, That seemed plain enough, and there was an earnestness of pur pose in the fact that was disturbing: There was no use in thinking, how ever. He would go downstairs make his escape. He was savag hungry, bi # reckoned the hotel was good for one more meal—if he could get there, 1 shoe horn and button hook in hand. ing the watch and chain—un Having inducted him into a pink ambitious to add a charge of larceny lk under vest and a soft pleated to his other troubl hould Kate are nirt, with plain gold links in the r before t turn of Roche sleeves, each button of the having tn its centre pearl, a collar and a s said links all black colored silk tie were added to him, also @ black morning vest and @ black morning coat, with rather broad braid at the edges A hankerehief of pure white cam- bric With a tiny monogram also in » was then shaken vul and pre- his valet, intent, silent, and to move by clockwork, passed to a table on which stood # small oak cabinet, Opening the cabi net he took from it und placed on the table a watch and chain His duties were now tinished, and, according to some prescribed rule, he left the room carefully and softly, closing the door behind him. Jones took up the watch an¢ The wateh was as thin as shilling piece, the chain wa dof gold, It was an o be worn wit 4 fact presen nfirmation erally in shoes, but that Roches ry watch and choin had not returned, sat down for a moment to cow er point, His own watch and re gold chain, and the few anim porta tters in’ his pockets where were they? He determined to clear this matter at once, and boldly rang The valet answered it “When [came back last night—er was there anything m Land returned in a minuie with a bundle of ¢ ° neatly folded on Nis ar the hands of the Shocking old nostalela nd a desire for them home sickness and a clothes sickn beyond expression, Ff Rochester must hare gone throneh his pockets, not for loot, but forAhe him no down the & Upon a fh rve for th horses migbt landing giv up which, mach and gradient, a have been place was a palace. Vast p by gloomy old artists, pretures of men inarmor, men in ruffs, women out armor or rufts, or began to Tle had intendod, on hall, to clap nd make # clean bolt f and the light of heaven, g¢ hotel, drexs himself in an suit. But this was no hall with a hat rack and umbrella stand. Knights the stairs. ing. a hat in the y Maurice Ketten UL STay ( one HERE Tic IGetYou!\ GQ. THERE 1) a, y in the breakfast 1 Ki | ® The Eveni ddie Kl A Frenc | MAN who had two sons wished A to give eack of them a present. He spent hours puzzling bis | head to think of suitablo gifts At length he said to them: “My sons, you are old enough to decide each for Idmself.. Our well contains two | precious gifts. One is a golden pitch- er. This Hewat the very bottom of the well and must’ be got by means of a hook or pole. ‘The eyes of the young men opened wide with wonder and pleasure at the prospect of owning a golden pitoher. ‘They were pleasantly surprised when their father added: “The other thing /,, THe | ls still more precious.” SC NEIGHBORS] |’ What could be moro precious than 2 a golden pitcher? “Hut in getting one be careful not to destroy the other,” cautioned the par- ent. Then he left bis gons to their decision. Now thease men, though young, were |no fools, Neither wished to lose the |greatest booty to the other and be- cause there was much brotherly love | between them, neither wished to de- |prive the other of the wonders the well contained, They g#ettled it by agreeing to divide the treasure Jequally, share and share alike. Together they went to the well, Hleaned over the edge and looking in beheld the Image of the cloudleas sky faithfully reflected in the water, I KNEW SHE HAD 4 Nean / STREAN Vaca ng World's | ub Korner Conducted by Eleanor Schorer Copyright, 1918, by The Press Publishing On, (The New York Brening World.) The Golden Pitcher h Fable i golden pitcher we should destroy the truthful reflection of the sky.” The moral father would have us heed In given plainty hero indeed. In sacrificing Truth for Wealth we do Forfeit the dearest treasure of the two! Note: Jean de La Fontain, the re- nowned French fabulist who wrote this and many more moral leasons which have amused and taught the children of France for nearly $00 years, 1oas born in 1621 at Chateau-Thierry where the Marines showed such @ wonderful erample of American bravery and won “Ah!” said the elder son, “all ts to me now. By fishing for the \ Pai OCK- Fj i i cael | Dear Kiddie Cousins: T have not mach to say to you to- lday except to ad¥ise you to watch jthe Kiddie Klub news very closely | for the next few days, It is going to i interenting. The prayers to Santa Claus were reverent, earnest, modest and full of faith. They were everything that ,yers whould be. Certainly Santa nnot but hear them, and, baving jheard, will do his utmost to fulfil |your wishes and prove worthy of your faith in him, ‘The November contest award win- ‘ners for pooms entitled “My Prayer nta Claus" are: Donald Oppenheim, six-year class, |No. 100 West 80th Street, New York City | Edward Smith, seven-year class, ON'T CON \ Our WwHicge & You ARE \p ee bell to fetch a servant to get him @ Vat was the prime necessity of the moment Vie crossed to a door directly op- posite, opened it, and found a room half library, half study, a pleasant room used to tobacco, with a rather y carpet on the floor, easy chairs, and a great The w left an envelope ced at it, ia Birdbrook, House T Lon- oman had on the table, he The Honbie 104 Carlton don, 8. W It te 1 him where he was, he was . of 10A Carlton Jfouse Terrace, but it told him noth- eseritoira Im the window, open and Thatane Showing pigeon holes containing note Was the ble: Venetia Bird- Paper, envelopes, telegraph forms. eal Ae pes were on the mantel piece, @ brook “ least the Wil wiver cigar box and cigarette box of hiv twin image? ‘This thought on a littl table by one of the easy blinded him for a moment to tho fact chairs, matches—nothing was here reat a they seemed as nu. Wanting, aad everything was of the Lb esha tices was at his “it, placed the letters on the table, elbow with a w st another ¢ ved the elgar box and took from flunkey, who to have sprung it a blunt ended weapon for the de- from floor, was fiddling at the struction of melancholy and unrest, daboited’ Which: Aantained nolal ad and a half inches long, and cost- bes, tongue, hum, chicken and so 208 ethane half-a-crown—a real Ha- forth Ho Was approaching the electric ambled eggs," aid he, looking button when the faint and far away mnrmuring of an automobile, as if ae qdinitted by a suddenly opened hall my Lords 4 checked his hand. Here was Rochester at last, He waited listen- ukfast a bre and ing me He had not long to wait. The door of the room suddenly opened, and the woman of the breakfast table dis- roll helped himself me butter, tly to whieh was ir y presented mn armor were guarding Jt, 4 t to him by tho widebyard fiddler, anc flunkey, six feet high, in rod plush (2 IN OY A pabaranrnel eat, f hareels. (BHA ee Crngens t0F raschex: vo had Just taken a mechanical bite going out, wearing a hat that seemed a nt our friend, of buttered roll, when the door # Yard In diameter, and a feather bow, PN Ale, Ses Si pi } pisvopal gene fom which her hen-tike face and it. open {¢ > enter the : ate a neck rose to the crowning triumph of room t uld nave beer or nett the hat ” S tt tha"ecmewiing 40 \ entered um going to mother," suid she, influence of that vast flunkey made Mr, Chur for J ad alread not coming it to. Jones. gathered that to be | arvied Aten cane sieht re "4 #@ Little yellow basket filled in and nr D8 a the dane b hind her,” CHAPTER IV. ters in his rig id, nding with her back close to the Disntares Sanne ight: and tee & @ anes pap 7 door she spoke to Jones, - : 7 Say Papers he placed or 10 table evi. if you cannot see your own con- Pleasantly furnished, re, at Genuy intended f purpose, duct as others seo it, who ean make @ breakfast tab nd before @ The | lette usket he placed on 1 am not referring to the dis- pilvie Ada urn? mata lade ae at nse. jones © of last night, though heaven forty or #0, thin faced, high nosed, &lanc py etter knows that was bad enough. L am bh fie Rese vag pin Wy ie} ; pea . siking of everything, of your poor a ‘“ aded : Katee si Jali loves you still, of the estate She was reading a letter, and when ony Wy ruined by your lunatic oon. suw the incomer she re from r . ho company you keep, of the tha staple: and : F ; me you have heaped on people— Peer ree c rw ou add drink to the rest. rs Up, x tel ’ . She paused, from the room, 8 ; Leen new. But I warn you your as she pasasd, and " ; eee n't stand that. You know the that he had never ke eee. * he the ul well as I do, It ra ' ing ae n shewn itsel in your actions, full meaning of t! ure ' tt f t r 1 | me brally ina py of a peer co on drinking and you willend For a wild second he thought that « realty f wy swifts tn Hedlam Instead of the workhouse. all had been discover yas ' P : t fa They call you ‘Mad Koch you haan agent keys and Ject in view know that." she ehoked. “I have opin , , ted nbled CkBs naw blushed to bo known as your sister— ¥ preawented 10 4 nied 1 I have tried to keep my place here : ‘ f ! nd save you, It's ended.” She turned eit tant the Lette " " nother air Jones had been making up hia mind, a9 ; : ft ; dhe i een an u would tell the whole affair.t ' .e a ' ww Look id he, “Lam not the t h 4 bu iN no many hink Tam” ae nthe basket, ane with them in Posh!” crled the woman, Uncomfortable, angry, nervous. ing slipping before to opon the ‘ia Fae Spened. the: soars passed out and wild to escape, and then yielding to ‘The hall was desert wore Welk, I'm dad," Bata Joi ra wo ell, im d= utd Jones, \¢ caution, he took his seat at the table der, deserted by all but the men in sec ond time io ne 5 where @ place was laid—evidently for armour, A room where he muiglt Rochester. leave tho infernal letterm aad Bnd « (To Bo Continued) is. Cousin Eleanor’s Klub Kolumn the battle that turned the tide 41 the Boche. bike i Cresskill, N. J. Mabel Pollack, eight-year class, No. 219 Seventh Street, New York City. Ernestine Kirschner, nine-year claas, No. 333 East 79th Street, New York. Frances Wisniewski, ten-year class, No. 769 East 169th Street, New York City. 4 Cornelius Mulvey, eleven-year cl: A ’ ~ na3, No. 715 Bast 1824 Street, New York City. Virginia M. Ray, twelve-year cl yma State Street, Perth satay Marjorie Strack, thirteen-year clase, No, 74 Seventh Avenue, Brooklyn, N. Victor D'Amico, fourteen- No. 2319 Bed@aumont Aveuna Bross Thomas H. Davison, fifteen-year class, No. 130 Shexyman Avenue, New York City. Cousin Eleanor. 1914-1918, Hurrah for the boys ip khaki! Hurrah for the boys in bine! They fought to eave a Nation And the old Red, White and Blue Hurrah for the boys in khaki! Hurrah for the boys in blue! May they ever stand to defend thetr Jand-~ ‘The land of the brave and the true Hurrah for the boys in khaki! Hurrah for the boys in blue! Now that the war is over they'll coma back to you Proudly bearing the colors To which they have been true, By ELIZABETH SMITH, aged twelve years, Morristown, N, J. MY LITTLE SOLDIER BROTHE I have a little brother, His name is Gerard, ste loves to play soldier And march around the yard, He wears a soldier hat And beats His little drum; If the Kaiser saw him cominz He would surely cry Ry DOROTHY VICTOR, yeury, Brooklyn, THE KIDDIE KLUB, K stands for Kiddies, ! love all they do, ) stands for Di mes, Dandy fun, cA bill I stands for the Ideals h Kiddie st ngs for, K stands for Kiddie Klub, Loved more and mora, Uy stands for all of Us, Both great and small. ‘Together they make the Klub Which nev OOD, aged Ry JOSEPH ! eleven years, Naw York NOVEMBER CONTEST AWARD WINNER. “My Prayer to Santa Claus.” Tam asking good old Santa to bring me a big rose, And to bring my sister dear a book of I do want a big Christmas trees I hope to get a gun and seo If L can learn to shoot; And « horn as I would love to toot, And that everybody will have” A joyous Christmas as I hope to have, By DONALD OPPENHEIM, aged six years, No. 100 W: Now York City. HOW TO JOIN THE KLUB AND OBTAIN YOUR PIN, ty. you “Klub Pin.” All beovmne members, Each with 6 milver eay Kiud Pin and cerulicale,