The evening world. Newspaper, August 21, 1918, Page 8

Rosner, Kaiser’s ‘‘Boswell,” A ley DA Th ihe | (FATA) O! ‘His “Aerial Jokes” Prove — “Barker” for All-Highest’s Altitude Doesn’t Diminish Royal Museum of “‘Fakes”’ Aviator’s Sense of Humor jacatinaal Db Asa Prophet Karl’s Batting Average Is ’Way Behind ee, ‘Da tant Thom Pun in Frisht | : a doc n lity , “ue “ rar Cee by Bounded 100 Feet in Air—One of Several In- { Black, He Has Displayed a Talent Which Puts; wane on ene Aer en See ae : Him Next in Line for the Editorship of the; 7 “Subway Sun.” AUGUST 21, 1918 The Sky-Fighters’ Idea of Good Fun THEIR JOKES, SPRUNG IN CLOUDLAND, AFFORD THEM HUGE AMUSEMENT, BUT AREN’T APPRECIATED BY THE BOCHE-—THEY’ RE “OVER HIS HEAD”! YF If 4 } HE SAT ON THE RADIATOR //; tO KEEP WARM 7 By Marguerite Mooers Marshall Copyright, 1918, by The Press Publishing Co, (The New York Dvening World.) HE newest thing in the grim jests of warfare undoubtedly is the [ aerial joke. The fearful and wonderful fashion in which an aviator gives needed exercise to his sense of humor is illustrated more than once in a delightful new book of war in the air, “Above the Battle,” by Capt. Vivian Drake of the British Flying =, MYER senior orricer nuenonnnn ZA ee Lad / Copyrait, 1918. by Tho Prews Publishing Co, (The New York Brening World.) Wi UST before the Germans captured Paris—which happened, as all the 4 ‘world remembers, last April—the Kateer felt the need of a sympa- /] thetic Boswell and discovered Karl R \ Rosner is to the All-Highest what a } Wh y Delos Avery | Be2 Ulu £ yi cy) " the Subway Sun is to the All-Low- eat—press agent, promise maker, eulogist, apologist and instantaneous explainer of things inexplicable. It ‘was Rosner's job first to convince the German people that there really was @ road to Paris—like the subway route from Times Square to Grand , Central. And it was afterward their @uty to show why the shuttle service from Genera! Headquarters to the Rue de ja Paix had been “necessarily abandoned.” Leave it to Rosner. When these rough-mannered Americans got in the ‘way of the Imperial road makers at Chateau Thierry down sat the Im- perial correspondent and wirgd home to Berlin: “Our leaders are determined to edapt themselves elastically to the new situation and not violently carry * @hrough the original plan of opera- thon: Who is Rosner? Until last spring he was just one of those German correspondents who ‘served to make the official war news palatable to the Hungry folks at home. But he had @ ‘knack for it, a genius, and the Kaiser, always a patron of the fine arts, recognized hiin. At about that time somebody said te Hindenburg that the German peo- ‘ple would be pretty hungry by April. “By April,” replied Hindenburg, “we shall be in Paris.” But first there had to be a “bath ‘of blood,” as the Kaiser called it, for Hindenburg had reckoned that ite million more Germans would fertilize tue soil of France with their “sang /Ampur” the trick would be done. Bo Rosner prepared the bath, In April he interviewed Ludendorft and announced officially that “everything progresses as it should.” In May he pictured the Kaiser plucking violets in the shadow of the gun that bom- barded a kneeling congregation in @ Paris church. On the authority of the All Highest Command, he an- nounced that the American forces tn France “will not be a serious obsta- cle in the way of @ definite German victory.” Gomething or other, however, got in the way of that definite victory, — Firewomen Join Japanese Women War Workers NOTABLE sign of preparation for the return of large num- vers of men to the Japanese ‘army is the voluntary enrolment of women in various kinds of work heretofore performed by men, A keen @emend for women laborers has arisen and most of the employees have proved efficient, Women have * Joined the fire companies tn the vil- jages of Kyushu and have rendered ‘excellent service. They are serving * gs conductors on the tramways and ag booking clerks for the railways. Jacribe the happiness of and Rosner’s heart bled like that of his Imperial boss when he looked on had been. “All these annihilated regions might still be blooming if the French had not closed their heart to the Kaiser's peace offer,” he wrote sadly, Later, when trainloads of German wounded were coming back to their hungry women folks, and when show- ers of Imperial telegrams were tell- ing the mothers of Germany how their the triumphal entry into Parts, It was himself was “in the battle.” description of the Ail Highest watch- ing in a tower, almost within bullet range, seated at a table lighted with “a pocket flash,” receiving reports. He added faithfully that the table was shaky"—but he did not say whether any Imperial muscular agitation con- tributed to its shakiness as the War Lord penned a message to the army out in front, “The army shall know,” murmured the Kaiser to Karl, “that I am with it in these serious hours.” Lately—there being little to report in a military way—Rosner has been drawing poetic pictures of the lovely domestic aspect of the Kaiser's na- ture, He's an amiable Kaiser, «c- cording to Rosner, He loves his wife, he's fond of flowers and children, he hates war even more than He used to, he sends his photograph (auto graphed) to mothers who have lost enough sons in the war to attract his attention. A gentle soul is the Kaiser's, take !t from Rosner, So why dethrone him? Of course, if the German people do prove ungrateful to their divinely ap- pointed ruler, Rosner may be out of a job, too, But the Subway Sun will always need a good reporter to de- the strap- hanger, and Rosner will have good references the fields of France where Germans | sons had died in battle on the eve of Rosner's part to show that the aaa And he wrote that ever memorable, KIDDING THE . . SENIOR OFFICER o>! ' |} | STUNT OF FLYING “FHROUGH A DOUBLE DOORED HANGAR } | <i alli Ki Billhelm Mitt Karl Third Act of the Screaming Farce-Comedy, Discloses Billhelm Giving a Mapping Party to His Retreating Generals, “The Mailed Mitts of Mitteleuropa,” Who Have Their Uniforms on Backward so That Their Medals Will Cover Their Re-. treat, Copyright, 1918, vy ‘The Press Publishing Co, (The New York Evening World.) HE second spasm in the peace cantata between the Cheeser und t the Kink Karl rattled to a finish, with Billhelm buzzing to him- self and supplying all the answers, When the gong chirped for the third round Karl was snoring in eight languages and pink, Billhelm was surrounded by a mess of elbows attached to four dozen assorted sizes and shapes of retreating Generals. These Gen- erals were noted for their pewter medals and their two-clawed mus- taches, which stuck out at very lame angles, like rheumatic hat- racks, giving them the appearance of Barnegat Channel crabs. Which Bright Boys Playing All Three Rings of the Circus Gave Willie McAdoo, as a Boy, Training for Achieving the Whole Show When Grown Up. HEN William Gibbs McAdoo was a barefoot boy (blessings on ther, W little man!) the boys of his native town of Marietta, Ga. decided to get up a circus, “Yl be the wildcat,” promptly spake up William when the proposal was broached. Nobody contested his nomination, Who was to be the daring and death defy- “ang equestrian? That was the “I can ride better'n anybody *@etly interposed. “I'll be him.” “But you can't be a wildcat an too,” Sniffy Peters objected. “Can't, huh?” the disdainful William countered. “Watch me!" So our young hero was permitted the , dua! role. Then the candidate for the position of trick Sugyler was discussed, William said nothing but he demonstrated his ability to balance a broom on his chin, a Kitchen chair on his right forefinger and the McAdoo toes of his left foot simultaneously, @assing virtuosity as a Juggler and he copped that place on the bill. ly burning question, else," William mod- a bareback rider, Also he demonstrated by a trial performance on the jews’ harp that he * @euld be a band; he gave definite proof of ‘his ability to swing from eo quickly and 60 qualify as ticket seller. In the end little Wiliam Gibbs McAdoo was the whole show and every- in Marietta predicted a bright future for him, family cat on the The gang had to concede his sur- a trapeze and do the “skin the cat;” there was nobody who could count change was fair enough, considering a crab's proclivity for clattering back- vard, The Cheeser was up to his Simperial ears in maps, medals, atlases, telegrams, alibis and other Hohenzollernian munitions of war. Gen. Fritz von Gallup, the double action, self starting, retreating General, was busier than a one-fingered circus ticket seller, He was trying to explain to the Cheeser how it was possible to lose a battle on the Marne and win it in the German newspapers. Kink Karl was just registering his millionth snore when he was jostled out of his slum bers by the Cheeser's voice. “Jazzmitthellarung! Der maps iss foolish in der face like der Barnum mitt Bailey clowner, Vhen do I eat der meal mitt Paris?” “your Machesty, ven you eats der meal in Paris, ve iss afraid dot you will haff to be fed der meal through der quill.” “Dammderbuttons! Didn't I make der plans for der banquet by der place where der Eifful Tower tinks it is higher den der All Highest?” “Der Yank makes different arrangements, Your Machesty.” “Whoozleswattgazoop! Himmelkraut und dundersausage! Blittzen mitt eggs on der side! Who dares to make der different Dian when der All Tallest vants to go mitt Paris? Billhelm der Twicer, who iss All Highest und Kink of all der Austria-Hungary. By der vay, scratch out dot Hungary mitt der Austria-Hungary. It sounds mitt suspicion, Ve vould have food If people didn’t eat it up. Billhelm der Number Two, who is All Mitt Highest. Higher den der high cost of living. Higher den der frestbite mitt der snows by der Himalayum Mountains, Higher den der toupee on der bald headed eagle's head. Higher den der funny look mitt der giraffe’s face, Billhelm der Couple, who iss All Highest und higher den der cloud vott hits you in der nose vid der hailstone, Iss der any reason vhy I shouldn't eat der meal mitt Pari: Your Machesty, der only reason 1s dot you ain't dere,” Opening Chorus, “‘Where Do We Go From Here?” BY ARTHUR (BUGS) BAER “Ach! Picklesmittwarts! V “Look mitt der map, Your ™ mitt your fa “Ach! Does der nose mitt my face look like dot map? Himmel! Because der Clown Prince gets der punch in der spine mitt der cobble brick, iss dot any reason vhy der All Highest nose should look like der map? Blittzen und dammerung! Vott iss dot place on der map vott looks like der scramble eggs?” “Der pink spot, your Machesty?” “Ches, der spot vot looks mitt der exzema.” Der exzema-looking spot iss vhere ve got off der train mitt Paris mitt Chateau-Thierry because der Yank conductor gets der grouch.” “Himmelgaflooey! Iss der Yank mitt der battle? Fist vill punch him on der beezer.” “Your Machesty, der Mailed Fist seems to have der limp in der knuckles, Der Yank ig got dot Matled Fist stuff too, He iss mail- ing der million fists each months by der parcel posts.” “Ach! Der Yank Army is nodings bud der gang.” “So vas der-Chames Poys, your Machesty, But dey could fight like der indignant vild cat: “Der Chames Poys? Vott did dey do vott I couldn't do? der Chames Poys make der millions mitt vidows like Highest?” “No, your Machesty, Der Chames Boys vere only robbers “Raus mitt ‘em! Could der Chames Poys starve der Belgiums und massacre der Russian, kill der Serbian und cheat der Bullsher- vhiskers like der All Tallest?” “No, your Machesty, der Chames Poys vere only highvaymen.” “Strafe ‘em mitt der, fire mitt sword! Vhy talk of der little retailer like der Chames Poys in der same talk mitt der wholesaler like der Cheeser? Could der Chames Poys mangle der orphan, murder der Cross Red nurse, sink der hospittalum ship, burn der convent and shell der Cathedral like der Simperial Machesty, der Emberor uff der Hohenzollerns, Kink mitt der Cherman Empire und All Highest uff der Tallest?” “No, your Machesty, der Chames Poys vere goot robbers but dey haa der soft heart like der pink-eyed rabbit, Der Chames Poys rob from der railroad und giff itt back tq der commutter,” “Ach! Gooxulum! Now I see dey iss doing just der difference mitt America, Dey robbs der commutter und giffs to der railroads, y aind I dere?” chesty, It iss plain like der nose Der Mailed Could der All Force. interesting detail he gets a “Blighty one” and is gently, But the gentle jests “made in the air” are the best bits of “Above the Battle.” There is, for example, the story of Arty and his observer, two bright and comic spirits belonging to that blase flying squadron whose observ- ers never stayed properly in the'r seats, but perched on the cowling and kicked their heels over the edge, or sat on the radiator to keep warm. Writes Capt. Drake: “Arty fixed up a thin but strong steel tubs, whicn stuck up about three feet above the nose of the machine. At the top was a buckle, which was attached to a strong little belt buckled round the observer's waist, The observer would then stand bolt upright with his feet on the narrow edging of the machine and, the rod hidden by his coat, pre- sent a most extraordinary sight. “One day Arty got to hear that a certain senior officer was being taken for a joy ride over the lines by a pilot of another squadron, He got the adjutant to phone up and inno- cently inquire what time the great man was going up and where. “Possessed of this information, Arty and his heavenly twin conspired to- gether, went up near the lines and then watched out for the arrival of the personage. ‘This was easier than ‘it sounds as they watched his machine climb up from the aerodrome. “When it was about a thoudand feet below them, the observer stood up and buckled himself to the iron rod. after which Arty dived at his unsus- pecting prey underneath. “The personage was then electrified |by the sight of a strange machine whirling and diving and doing mad stunts all round him with its observer {calmly standing on the top of it with his arms folded. When the machine did a vertical bank the observer re- { mained in exactly the same position, jutting out sideways over a clear drop of ten thousand feet. “Having nearly induced syncope in the by now almost paralyzed person- age, they loosed off a round or two from the Lewis, and disappeared as sudenly as they had come, leaving the great man still clutching the sides of his machine in a petrified daze, while his pilot continued the journey. “They were a mad pair,” concludes Capt. Drake, “But several German airmen, were they now sufficiently mortal, would confess that there was method in their madness!” He also has a story of @ man who April-fooled the Boche. “A friend of mine,” he says, “who from the battle line to a wonderful hospital at Capt. Drake is himself a humorist, and is even able to discuss Germans with a playfcl whimsicality which does not mask his cheerful determination to kill as many of them as possible and to applaud the kill- ing done by his comrades. His book gives in full an@ the day-by-day life of the air fighter, from his enlistment and school training, through bis work of scouting, bombing and fighting, to time when expeditious! nd quite happily takea lome. Perpetrated a joke on the Germans which they possibly never appreci- ated. He and his observer obtained a large football and painted ‘Aprit Fool’ on it in German. On the after- noon of April 1 they sailed over the lines to a large town some way back, and, flying low, dropped the football into the Grand ce. ‘The Boches, seoing this large and fearsome bomb dropping majestically down upen them, thought it a species of fright- fulness excelling anything we had ever done, and rushed to the shéltar of the houses surrounding the square. “When the much dreaded bomb did hit it bounced nearly one hundred feet into the air, and kept on boune- ing until it finally came to rest, when it was cautiously approached by the unromantic and humor-lacking Tew- tons! My friend did not stay much longer, as the Boches, with great lack of sportsmanship, kept a vigorcus machine gun fire at him, so he re- turned to tell the tale in whispers” ‘Then there was the humorous pilot “who delighted to fly right through a large shed at one of gur big aero- dromes. The shed was very big and he used to constantly fly in one end and out the other, a feat demanding @ certain amount of judgment as there was not much room between his wing tips and the wall. All went well and the performance was greatly admired by every one except the me- chanics in the shed, until one day, entering one end of the shed at a It- tle over one hundred miles an hour, he discovered that the door at the other end was shut * © ¢” ‘The joke would scem to have been on him! But, according to Capt Drake, “his only remark as the vari- ous chunks were sewn together again was: ‘I knew that some damn fool would leave that door shut!" * “Above the Battle” Is published by D. Appleton & Co. The South “Has a Hear for Soldiers and Sailors AVE a heart! The South H opened its heart to the soldiers and sailors in generous meas- ure, especially the automobilists who are driving about that sec- tion of our coun- try. They have adopted a symbol of their willing- ness to give a lift to any soldier or sailor they should happen to meet by the roadside, The symbol consists of a bright red heart on a card after thy style of the well known Red Crose emblem, The red heart, being very conspicuous on a fast moving ma- chine, gives a very eff.ctive welcome call to the intending passenger art has a distinct advantage over the printed card which is alreacy in use happened to be flying over the scene of earlier Somme violence one April, by some autoists. Have a heart and lend a willing hand to our soldiers and sailors. Iss dot der country vot makes offerything safe for der Democrat?” “Ches, All Fewest, I mean All Highest, dey is: discarding der kinks mitt queens from der pinochle decks.” “Ach! Pottsdammerskatz! Ve haff der cold deck mitt der sleeve Vott iss dis black mitt blue spot mitt der map?” “Dot iss der sea mitt der government uff der Bullshervhiskers,” “Der seat mift der government iss black mitt blue on der map? How iss dot? Vhy iss der bruise on der var map by der seat mitt der government uff der Bullshervhiskers?” “Der Bullshervhiskers vere moofing der seat north vhen dey met a swift kick coming south, your Machesty.” “ach! Himmelgow! Vott iss der green spot mitt der map?” “Der green spot is der verdigris on der Cherman Army, iss getting mouldy in der victory departments.” “Ach! Gottferswoggheim! ‘Tell der shock troops to prepare for der swifter shock. Der Mailed Fist will knock der enemy for der goal. Der Kaiser iss All Highest in der parade und All Farthest in der battle towards der rear, Der enemy shall feel der veight wf my anger on der beezer. Giff der shock troops der paper undervear, giff 'em some soup from der next rainstorm, giff ‘em der promise dot ve shall eat der dinner in Paris iff ve get dere in time for der dinner, Tell der shock troops dot der Clown Prince will lead ‘em by der telephone, and dot the Cheeser iss with dem personally by der telegram, Dot is all, Cheneral. Don't step on der Karl's toes as you go ouwid, ag dot is der privilege of der All Highest. Giff der shock troops der Iron Cross for der meal, und hellup yourself from der barrel, as I see you haff der vacant spot on der chest, ups. Dey “Don't spare der fire mitt der sword, Kill der orphan, svindle der yidow, shoot der nurse, massacre der vounded—und Gott Mitt Unset Skabootch! Hoch! Und der Stepfaderland uber Alles!" (TO BH CONTINUED.)