The evening world. Newspaper, June 20, 1916, Page 18

Home ne) 5 and Comfe oe! “'S*MATTER, POP?” Page I_ SWAN! me TIME Piece Copyright, 1016, by The Pres Publishing Co (The New York Evening World) fcene: Parlor car of the 4.45. (Mr, A, tm hie pinchdask Palm Beach mitt Hite erect, comnizant of ite wrinkling proclivities Mr, B, frankly too well fet for pinchbask ef foots, tut a sompbony in battleship gray m hair, breeses in and slumps into the mext chair ) R. A. looking up)—Bill Brown! ‘The very chap I wanted to see, How did you get away for the 4.46 to-day? « Mr. B. (mopping his brow under his leghorn fedora)—Oh, my stenograph- er had to match some embroidery sitee for her aunt, #0 I quit dictation. What's the rush? Mr. A. (leaning forward confiden tially) —Well, look here, Bill. You know to-morrow night's election of officers for the country club. You and I being charter members have some weight around there. So 1 thought if we could get together and| Ko over this list of possible candidates for President we might work together | and—— Mr. B, (reaching into his mohair pocket)—Oh, have you got a list too? 1 made out mine last night. Here it is. Now I thought that Andy Morton might—— Mr. A. (hurriedly)—Andy Morton! Why, Bill, the man's a nervous wreck +-fit for a rest retreat—after that ter- ridle slump in R. 8, & P, We want live blood for President. I thought | that Joe Turnen— 9 | Mr. B. (in horror)—Old Joe Turner? Why, say, don't you know the poor old chap {s going to assign in a couple of weeks? And you know we don't want the club mentioned In the news- paper notices. Jf he was President theyd—— No. He won't do. The yext on my list is Jack Hart. He's full of pep und— Mr, A. (significantly)—Full of pep you bet he is. Too blamed full Full of other things, too, Harry told me on the q. t. that he’s making a new kind of mint Julep these with vitriol—or something that has| the same effect—in it, and the other aay he slapped a traffic cop in the ‘ace when he held up his car and wot pulled in. It wouldn't look well n print, you know, “President of Shore Country Club Up for Assault \-4 Battery, Given Thirty Days.’ You know you have to consider all these contingencies. Now with Will Green, who's next on my lint, we ouldn't have to worry about—— Mr. B. (in keen @sapproval)- ‘VIM Green would never do, Fam nd you know it. The man's too sus- ceptible, Why, you could never de- pend upon him to uphold the dig nity of the club, or even make a noise ike a President, on Saturday nights when the ladies are all in war vaint for the danc Nice chap, ‘ill, but too darned mushy, But ‘ere's one who'll give tone to the nization—John Gray. A gentle- man always. A man of ability and— Mr. A. (throwing up his hands) For the love of Mike, Bill, where's your sense of humor? John Gray | CDANGONIT *'LOOK iv (TH BUSTIN’ UP OF A HARD WINTER =WoT Y'FEELIN’ So Biue _AGOUT “ALECK'? EY AND AXEL—Tents Cert GEE, AY OVERSTAYED MY LEAVE OF ABSENCE FROM CAMP! AY WORE AY GET IN DAS TENT COVTHENL 1016, Prete PrOrating Oo FT. Brveing Wena WoT! GuPPED You “TH! OLE ROWDY-DOW" AFTER “th “TAKIN ' Like Macy OFF OH: SALLE ay AN en 8 all you say he is, but do you want man for President of a country club who wears a skull cap on the 4.46% Why, they'd guy the life out of you if you ever put him up, last on my list ts Bert Edward Mr. B. (with dignity)—I had sup- wed that you remembered slight strain that exists between Ed- wards and myself, I-——~ Mr. A, (drawing a sigh of relief)— Well, now that we've gone through The | our sts and found none satisfactory, suppose we do a@ little press-agent work of our own, Although I the|haven't wanted to urge it, I think Word has been added to make solving this puzzle more difficult. Using the HE eleven letters in the squares! blank squares in the top row, see if Above have been arranged to con- | Yet, can print the hidden word, ne word In last Saturday's Soram- al a word of ten letters. An extra ae" REPRESH bled Puzzle was “REFRESH- ‘iter which ts not in the original MENTS. I could fill the chair to the satisfac- | tion of—— Mr. B. (stiffly)—If it comes to that—remember that I was a mem- ber first and proposed you at the second meeting. With you as Vice President—- (Voice as Mr. A. and Mr. B. exit) —'Twas ever thus—and ever will be! A instructions to her new butler, who acemed to have but a faint conception of the duties of a position \for which he demanded high wages. “Remember,” said the woman, “that in announcing meals you are to gay: eakfast 1s ready,’ ‘Luncheon is dy,’ ‘Dinner 1s served.’ ” Not long after the woman ventured to experiment on a dinner to a few Intimate friends, Her dismay can be imagined when, on appearing at the drawing room door to announce din- ——— - Follow Instructions. CHICAGO woman was giving ner, the butler exclaimed in olarion tones: | “Breakfast ready, dinner Weokly, 1s ready, luncheon ts 19 served,”—Harper's WOCOORD THE FARM With @ pencil line connest the dots In numerical order. Thursday OOSDWDDOOOOOOHOHOSHUGOOO WOXLODOGOOHOODODOOODOCGO® "s picture was a DUCK, By Ferd G. Long 3 DODOOBOOOOOOOOO | leads straight to success. | murder Hamlet ONT You DARE TO WIND iT q WAY “Oou've BEEN HER AROUND OPERAS — CABARETS EVERNTHIN' FUR “TH PAST YEAR? NO WN VILL RNow AY BANE OUT LaTe!! Lovaigut, WhO, vy dhe Yer! ATS WoT ( BWES GONE AN’ inly Do Look Alike, “Especially at Night ! Vices A uwiteuug Co, (The New York Evening World) we HENRY HASENPFEFFER — When Riches Take Wings Cupid Flies After Them! WHY DAWGONIT “ALECK" SHE USED To SAY-THERE WUZ SOMETHIN’ ABOUT Dana ee LIKED ¢ — ‘Rive B TO AN ANKLS: | C@OOODOOCOOOEAHMOMOOOMDDEROOS GOOD STORIES OF THE DAY @D0OOHDHIAGDOS# Down The Road to Success. HARLES M. SCHWAB was talk- | ing in his native Loretto about success. ‘1 married on $6 a week,” he said, “but I knew success would come, and efore the winter was out I was mak- & $5,000 a year, “In everything—1tn war, in muni- tion making. in blowing up powder factories—there's one road which If, for example, you're a play- wright, the road to success is the happy ending. Every successful play- wright bears in mind the dialogue of the young couple at the end of Hamlet,’ "How silly of that Shakespeare,’ sald the girl, ‘to drown Ophelia and Why, they ought to have married!" “‘T ain't no high brow critic, the young man agreed, ‘but that's how I'd ‘a’ fixed it.'""—Washington Star, Canny Scot. HEN electric tramears first started in his native town a canny Seot got on one, ine tending to make the full journey, costing. $ pence, but only took a penny ticket and renewed it twice at the end of each stage, On the last Stage the conductor remonstrated with him, saying be ought to have tuken our Pyeuny tleket the beginning of the journey and saved un sary trouble. “Na, na," said the Scot, had T dune sae, and yer had broken doon, I micht hae lost thruppence, but, as it is, I canna lose mair than ae penny.” London Tit-Rits ee He Had the Countersign. T a military camp in New York Btate a few years ago a guard inspector, while going his rounda, approached a German sentry, who simply looked at him and marched on, relates the Boston Tran- script. “Well,” queried the Inspector, tn- tending to remind the man of his duty. “Vell, velit Vot ts it?” “Don't you want the countersign?” "No, dot's all righdt, Der feller in der guard's tent gif it to me jis linen tle I got | | Thirst for Knowledge. | ISS BASSETT was talking to tho class In history impressive manner. “Now, children,” she sald, looking over her pupils, “I want you to un derstand that the time to ask ques- tions In my class 1s whenever any- ‘thing is said which you wish ex- plained bo not wait unt!l the ume womes (or recitation and then tell me | n her most 1916 By C. M. Payne Coprment, 1916, Prem Vubiwhinn Co (NY Rvening World) Bu Tve SPENT \T ALLE Now ! “wo Goes: “HERE 27? GIRLS DISHING THE GOSSIP YES MAM! THREE AISLES OVER}! YES THIS }READ THE MARRIAGE LICENSE IN THE PAPER 50, THEY'RE GOIN’ TO GET MARRIED, WHO'D A THOUGHT IT? YOU DON'T MEAN: T* MORNIN’ you ‘did not hear’ or ‘did not under- stand when I talked to you.” Ino children replied, “Yes'm,” in ru Very well,” said teacher, “we will begin to-day with James I., who came after Elizabeth."” r raised his hand, queried Miss Bassett, gra- ctous! what is it?” “What made him come after her?” asked the student, eagerly.—Harper's Magazine, peat A uta His Tribute. was an old farmer who HERE | was widely known as the cross- eat, closest and most generally nonlikable citizen in the whole State. | Like other maan men he lived to a jripe old age, but eventually he died his friends went ahead with s for his funeral, Now, it 1s customary, in the case of rural funerals, for those who at- tend, as they stand by the coffin, to murmur some eulogy of the dead, A number of farmers cai and said things which didn't square at all with and the old man’s Ife Finally an fl known the deceased all his life, hob- | don’t know, but from the dtscussion bled in and stood by the coffin, The | that's going on 1 think I'm on the aged man was known as the most | Clothes line,"—Philadelphia Record. truthful man in the county, Hence | the other people present waited with | interest to hear what he would say, | The old man gazed down silently | for « while, He paused, Finally he | spoke. sie “Wal,” he said earnestly, “nobody kin deny that he was @ great hand for closin’ his stable @e@or o’ nights.” | Washington Stan ———— A Line of Talk. WO telephone girls in different country exchanges were having 4a chat over the wires on the subject of dress, For four minutes, five minutes, ten minutes the topic held their attention, and was still un- exhausted when an impertinent, im- patient, imperaive masculine voice broke up the conversation meeting, “Are you there?” the voice yelled, “Are you there? Hello! Ah, at last! Who is that speaking?” ‘What line do you think you're on?" Your Clothes! Why rub your clothes when VAN’S NORUB gives finest results with NO RUBBING? A litelc joes a big wash. Just ou try it, Se & 10¢ ,\..s4 alers, an aged man, who had demanded ope of the girls, indignant came the weary reply, “1