The evening world. Newspaper, August 5, 1914, Page 16

A Page « omics Sketches and Stories W- W-W, NEVER MIND! IT WiLL FEEL {| BETTER WHEN IT Quits HURTIN Copyright, 1916, Press Pubitehing Co. (N.Y. Bvening Worid) * Now BEAR IN minD AXEL! (THs SCENE You'RE CHASING THE ViLLAN \s t EL WMO HAS “Wee GIRL. KEEP THE BOAT ex Hane TOLD moe @oInG IN ACIRCLE SO YoU WONT How To STOP “THAT GET “THD PAR AWAY FROM ig Boat ! | BET THaT’s THE CAMERA ~ sec 7 AY WONDER How MUCH GASOLINE DAS TANK BANE HoLp Mt Copyright, 1914, by the Press Publishing Oo, (The New York Evening World. The Politician and tne; sence of thirty years, returned to toe . } \ home of his youth, Jackson had ® yy Cot-Bed. slight affection of the skin whieh “J ‘ Z WESTERN politician tells the| made his nose very red. Hence, when following story as illustrating| he called at the parsonage the ol@ Copyright, 1914, by the Prese Publishing Co. ) says, and I don’t care whether Lem minister remarked: (The New York Evening World.) Beasley sees the town or not. You the inconveniences attached to erent eT cekson, my man; Tew may want to please your Uncle campaigning in certain sections of the} afraid you've become a hard drinker.” TO JARR TO DINKSTON 1 ae can’t you take this/ x Mr. Measley around fm town?” asked Mrs, Jarr. “Surely you do not ex- ae pect me to do it?” + . “Mie name is Beasley and not Measiy, although it should be the| { latter,” replied Mr. Jarr. “But I sim- BAY can’t get away from the office to take this bucolic party from Hays Corners sight-seeing, I ca om account of the wai '$ do it, whether it makes his our Uncle Henry, of Hay Corners, mad or not!" 'Oh, I'm #0 tired of hearing the war pe an excuse!” cried Mrs. Jarr. * iget my shopping to attend to, on ac- of the war, and I've got my to do om account of tho = much as you can’t get Henry because you expect us to bo paving guests on his farm, but I lon't think we will have any vaca- tion on account of the war'—— Please’ PLEASE!" = interrupted Jarr. “Don't mention that old war to me again! Mrs. Stryver ie telling me how much money her hus- band has lost on account of the war, and Clare Mudridge-Smith tells mo she didn’t ge abroad Lary © knew there was going to be & w and when I asked her who was fight- didn’t know. Mrs. Rangle the war has so injured M business—which is fire in- she won't be able to new apartments she was, looking at. And Mrs. Terwiliger told me that the dresses she and her daughter were to get from js will pe reach her on account of the wa! anduces “Oh, very well, then!" interjected Mr. Jarr, “ plain that you do not appreciate the full significance of the matter. So I'll get Michael Angelo Dinkston to show Mr. Lem Beasley around the city. I'll give Dinkaton a five dolar bill, and all Dinkston holds out of it above the “Frank L StaiQn- R!IGADOO. SES SASS Frank 1. Stanton-dR| country. Upon his arrival at one of the amall towns in South Dakota, where he was to make a speech the following day, he faund that the so-called hotel was crowded to the doors, Not having telegraphed for accommodations, he politician discovered that he would have to make shift as best he could Accordingly, he was obliged for that night to sleep on a wire cot which had only some blankets and a sheet on It. As the politician is an extremely fat! man he found his improvised bed any- thing but comfortable. “How did you sleep?” asked a friend in the morning. “Fairly well,” answered the fat man, “but I looked like a waffle when I got up.” —__—_ Not Even Fir st Aid. T a@ certain college it was the custom to have the students write the following pledge at the bottom of their examination pa- pers: “Don't judge by appearances, Dr, Steenthly,’ said Jackson Wentworth, ‘I hurdly average two glasses of beer 7 ? ‘Well, then,’ said tho minister in & soothing voice, ‘I gueas your Jackson, {s like my gas meter. registers more than it consumes. Atlanta Constitutior PEOPLE USED TO CALL ME ‘SKINNY’: But Now My Name Has Changed, Gained 15 Pounds and Look Like a New Man. “L hereby certify on my honor that from that old oMce ‘on ec. ¢zPense of showing Uncle Henry's| (“A GAY, LIVELY DANCE FQR ONE PERSQN: . ESCUAGE of the we friend around the city Dinkston may the same the war's a most se- matter,” Mr. Jarr declared. “We Fo ship anything abroad because Fi the steamship lines are tied up.| Er can't get any of our raw wool in 98,account of railroads in Russia be- tied up, and as for Austrian felts ean we do a thing in Austrian B when Austria i+ in a state of "Well, if you can't ship any goods "em account of the war and if you an't receive any goods on account of ‘the war,'and if your whole business Wet a standstill on account of the Wer, I should think it wouid be the Wery time you could get away,” re- piled Mre. Jarr. ‘Here's a postal card fom Uncle Henry saying Town Com- and Janitor of Town Hall Hon, Lemuel Beasley—how for- Uncle Henry is when he uses his bie le lead pencil to write a rll be in New York to- will go to the uniform firm uniforms for the entire it of Hays Corners, and to bring both suits back And Uncle Henry says the Hon. Lemuel Beasley will the entire afternoon left to go ‘around New York -don’t care what Uncle Henry \ (mavmas) LZ RED AQ MAN meg COLLARS 7 10D aaa eet nye pocket an een as a guide. “Oh, de: ished Mra, Jarr. “If you knew how short of money I wi you'd give me the five dollars. Don’t you think two dollars is enough? ‘erything is so dear on account of the war—can’t Mr. Dinkston pretend his M Bridge and into Park and the Aquarium? [ ya let Aunt Hetty Gnd Uncle Henry believe I paid, by going first and speaking to the attendant at the door and handing t one of thi ‘Are You Prepared to Die? cards one gets from the tract go- leties"—— “Well, I'll see what I can do,” said Mr. Jarr. ‘But two dollars won't d I'm afraid. "i peel He was so afraid that when he con- gave that erud ‘It jen’t much, but you'll have make it do, Dink!’ Mr. Dinkston turned up 9 and reported success, Cortlandt Park Bronx Zoo on th four hours and cost 20 t home happy, "That was quick and cacap, jubway is both speedy and omical as an adj " declared Mr. Dinkston mild); BUT—HE CHANGED HIS MIND Copyright, 1814 Pree Publishing Co (N Y Braning World) | WOULDN'T HAVE WOMEN WORKING IN MY PLACE - 5 “SERVICE, Qk THE SHIELD -——Webstor } | 1 nave neither given nor received ald Hickville Doings From Our Hickville Correspondent sd Hazen Conklin * Copyright, 1014, by the Prese Publishing Co, (The New York Evening World.) PERSONALS AND LOCALS. OSTMASTER PELEG PEEKS, who had promised to post daily war bulletins in the window the Post- Office, has had to diasapoint the anxious ones in our midst, as Esra Hicks, our village creesus, cal for his city paper when the mail's opened and don’t give Peleg no more chance to read it fust, and there ain’t much real fresh news come on post- cards, Amos Crabb, our local sneerer, saya that: If the Kaiser, and the Czar, and President Poincare and Emperor Franz Josef and King Ed- ward had only of called into consulta- tion our leading citizens of Bemis Bros, Back Room Parliament, the wouldn't of been no war, There ain't no matter, national or international, that them wise fellera can't settle good and proper. They admit it, In- eldental, here are some more sneers sneered by him: It ain't the failin's of our Hickville citizens that keeps ‘em worrted. It's each other's failin’s, Higkvyille ain’t no differen? than any other community. You can allus tell the importance of @ place by whether folks, outside say the roads hereabouts lead out of Hick- vile, whey say “the truth will always come out,” which must be why some folk ain't got it in ‘em, It come out s00n, Folka is funny things. Some of ‘em would just as lieve itch as not for the pleasure it gives ‘em scratchin, Seth Shutes, our valiant constabule, is back home from his visit to Pomp- ton, N. J, He says as how he was out fishin’ down there with the champeen fish catcher of the hull State, a Iesak Walton by the name of Bert Terhune, He says as how they was out fishin’ one night and a Jersey fog come up so thick that the fish swum up into it outen the water and all they to do was to stick out their hands hnd grab ‘em. When the’ boat was full t rowed for shore, and the fog be; to simmer down and there they wuz stuck In a tree top eight rods beyond the shore. Aunt Jane Taggart’s boarders had to go without meat yestidda: dirt stopped at her house id hi couldn’t order soup meat. So she waited for the fish cart and ordered haddock, which she could hiss, Sid Forsythe says he has got a motorboat all but the motor, and ne hopes soon to have the boat. He's goin’ to put it in the Tannery pond so's his mi take city boarders and advertise “private yacht on large fresh water lake. The pond covors are folks rater ain't what you'd call e: ih, but we reckon folks takin’ sum boarders has got to be granted a little poetic SUS on SAA ENDED HIS JOIX, There was a young man in St. Croix Who cheered when the “doc.” said “A But his merriment flew When the doctor said “Tew!” And he murmured a wailing “Oix during this examination.” Soon after handing in his paper to @ professor noted for bis sarcasm a young fellow hurriedly entered the classroom and said: “Professor, I forgot to put the pledge on my paper.” “Altogether unnecessary,” replied the teacher, “I have just finished looking over your paper, and I feel sure you did not give or receive aid.” —Lippincott's Magazine. Like a Gas Meter. 66 UT don’t judge a man by ap- pearance,” said Mayor G. 8, Marshall at a banquet in Co- CAA SA lumbus, “Jackson Wentworth, after an ab- HOW YOU FELT—— ‘Copyright, 1914, Press Publishing Co.! A PLUMP, STRONG, ROBUST BODY “Before I took Sargo! people used to ont me ‘skinny,’ but now my n My whole body ts stout. pounds and am gainin, declared another man whe ha@ Just finished the Sargo! treatm: Gagnon, “I had to q I was so weak. Now, than! Sargol, I look likesa new man, I pounds in 23 days," ‘Sargol has put 10 pounds on me in 1444 days,” states W. O. Roberts. “It has made me sleep well, enjoy what I ate and to work with interest too, ike to quickly put from, of good, solid, “atay-there'* fat and muscular tissue betweem * tbe done, ‘Try it, Lee 50c package of Bargel prove what it can do for you, More than half a milion thin men am@ women have gladiy made that Bargol does auce folks fat even where Yaa and watch § worl tory. FREE SARGO COUPON pathis coupon, with 106 4 ely. sh age of Saree) dress Tho Sargol Co. OT Bigy., Binghamton, N; YY ta roads lend uk. ol 14 or tate tt All! Yoonge, __ iy