The evening world. Newspaper, December 19, 1913, Page 26

she Seis aatorio. ESTABLISHED BY JOSEPH PULITZER. Park Row, New Y RALPH es ri ane a i erk Per bs ANGUS SHA Par! JOSEPH PULITZER. Jt, Secretary, ‘Park "how. York a yp Mattes, aS Se Pes omies. (RR Foe Sroene ater @w@soriptio ‘Worla tor the Unites tates end (onese. VOLUME 54..........45 soso NO. 19, 113 OFF OUR COURSE. have the etter it is. Now comes Mr. Postmaster-General Burleson with his Proposition to add government ownership of telegraphe and telephones te our troubles. Having been in the office of Postmaster-General something like ‘ten months, Mr. Burleson doubtless feels he has mastered the problems of applying government to business. The report is that a Democratic caucus is to consider this plan of putting a further load upon the peo- ple of the United States. Yet government is notorivusly the most inefficient and expensive of human instruments. No other department shows so much waste, in- competence and confusion in proportion to benefits reccived. Acts of government must themselves be governed by legislation. Legislation in turn has to be governed by broad rules. And broad rales cannot apply to emergencies and exigencies of business. The Post-Office as it stands has for years been one long burden em the taxpayer. Just why this particular form of undemocratic policy should appear at this time is hard to determine. President Wilson is re- ported tentatively to favor the idea. We hope the report is untrue. What this country really wante is a greater stimulus to individual- ism—e turning away from policies that can only end in a drop to the dull levels of semi-social —— 42 Wall street, it should always be remembered, can do no business unless values go up or down. To maintain prices at a true level of value based upon the actual merit of prop- erties concerned has never been in the least degree a Wall treet function. T° Democratic idea used to be that the less government we Of NO FUN IN IT. SENGE of humor is an excellent thing. But there is now A abroad a perverted variety of the article that should promptly and vigorously be suppressed. To spread reports of a man’s death that find their way into the newspapers, shock his friends and nearly kill his invalid wife is about as far from funny es anything the most brainless “joker” can produce. T# is to be hoped that the person who played this stupid and vicious Wick upon Assemblyman-elect Boylston and his family may be laa found and made an example. Inserting fake advertisements in a newspaper which cos men out of work useless effort and cruel disappointment is another fool’s pastime too much in evidence of late. If harsh treatment is the only way to cure these jokers, let them have it. “Thou shalt not bear falee witness,” as the commandment phrases 44, bears with special directness on this kind of lying. Jocular intent ig @ poor plea. a Mr. Mitchel thinks New York should have one Mayor to do the day’s work and another to sit up and be sociable nights. Mayor and Supper-Mayor—why not? —_—_—_——to j SHE SUPPORTED THE FAMILY. N INDIANA girl who is said to have thought nothing of being | engaged by mail to fifty men at the same time has the honor, | accordirg to the local District-Attorney, of pulling off one of the biggest matrimonial swindles ever operated in this country. * The Government is prosecuting the whole family of this enter- FRising young woman on the ground that they stood in on the profits and scared off suitors when the latter began to appear on the spot in inconvenient numbers. ‘Father, mother and sisters, claims the District-Attorney, used to watch joyously for the postman and pounce on letters and packages addressed to Louise—it being the family understanding that “findings were keepings.” Trusting young men ought to know about such cases that they mey be wary of mailing their hearts, photos and money too recklessly tp the unknown. Not that the matrimonial bureau as an institution doesn’t do Tot of real good. Ase British playwright puts it: “People who ge to matrimonial agencies get fooled. But then people who don't go to matrimonial agencies get fooled.” And there you are. Ee A Federal judge is sald to be wondering if Harry Thaw at large would be a menace. A notorious young degenerate man, fs tried, adjudged ineane and shut up in a crim- 4 L grave doubt whether be {s sot s useful and much-wronged member of society. |per rod. How many rods would each man have to cut to earn $50 aptece out of the 100 rods? 8. B.C, Yes. ‘To the Mitwor of The Evening World In a game of draw poker are an ace, two, three, four and five e atraiht?, HLF. H, “Pampk Pronunciation, To the Editor of The Evening World What is the correct way of naying “pumpkin? One hears it eo often cal “punkin” thet ft leaves a doubt the correct pronunciation I In most dictionaries the first pronun- clation given is “pump-ki by the statement that the colloquial Pronunciation ts "pun-kin,” Yea. ‘To the Bititer of The Erening World: @udlished Daily Except Sunday by by the Presa ublishing Company, Noa 66 te | Augusta Chronicle: ee followed | Pa aa Amertcan-born citizen of for- Barents eligible to become Presi- 18 comes Gout of tea Usted tratent aw. The Tapp Caggright, 1913, by The Pree Putiistiing Oo, ‘Toe New York wt Drening ‘World,) ri} R. OLED GUMM, Miss D a Gladys Cackleberry,” Mra, Jare in her best high society man-) ner. “Pleased to meet you,” murmured the Cackleberry girls. “The pleasure is mutual, ladies," said Dr. Gumm, toying airly with cute littie dark-blond Vandy: “Mr, Dinkston, girls," id Mra, Jarr after a telling pause. ‘The pause was to tell that as a matri- monial prospect Mr, Dinkston was a @pecimen of pyrites. Mr. Dinkston fell back on mime Hits From Sharp Wits. Some men never venture an opinion until some one else has expressed it.) Albany Journal. 4 ° . An Indiana woman aged ninety-seven does her own housework. And probably finds time, also, to read the beauty hints in the newspapers.—Toledo Blade. Mair ribbons for men, it is announced, are the latest Parisian faehion, Wouldn't ® pair of olive green ones look dainty on Genator Jim Ham Lewis's eink whis- kera?—Topeka State Journt oe e ernment treasury reports there’ was $3,- 434,240,789 In circulation in the United States the early part of this month,— Milwaukee Sentinel, eee An English nobleman ta to marry an American girl who has only @ million in her own right. Times must be very hard in England. — Charleston Courier, ee Carnegie la giving the advice, hoard your millions.” And the advi is being followed by many people.— ‘Don't . When a man is down and out through his own fault he expects those who are up and {n through thelr merits to help him along.—Albany Jour The girl with the aggressive feather fo her hat cannot expect the young man whose nose !t tickles to exclatm, In lthe language of the $40,100 Hindoo poet, “You are the evening cloud floating in earn ography or the sign language when ne to eschew banalitics. So he indicating un- bounded delight and went over and sat on the piano stool, facing the little as- *s front room and keeping his elbows tight down on the Mr. Dinkaton was out for a nd the piano was not to be played If he could prevent it. “Dr, Gumm le one of our young dentists,” @ald Mrs, Jarr. waid the affable young practitioner, “‘@peaking of Irene Cacklebderry and Miss) | desired Rave a nuflection sembiage In Mra. Ja piano Na pleasant eveniny “Ah, that reminds me," Copyright, 1918, by The Prem Pubtidhing Co, (The THD OYNIO REPENTANT. If all the year were epring, Love, And all the spring were May, And all the birds could sing, Love, And every heart was gay; If all the days were bright, Love, And love was always true, And all the world was right, Love, there ARE—lots of them!) of the first month's bille. Eternal Vows—Woma! Maz'o—Mover again, Well, then—twixt me and you— ' I couldn't write a thing Love! Gee whis! but I'd be BLUE! No need to study the gentle art of managing a man in order to handle & husband; just learn the sctentific care and management of a baby. Men may be divided into two classi fond of stags, “squabs" and turkey-trotting, and the tame or domestic kind, who are perfectly satisfied with a pipe, a book and a wife. After all, husbands, like poets, are born, not made, thing as a special genius for matrimony. Optimism {s that triumph of hope over experience which makes a woman fancy that her second husband's excuses for staying out evenings will be more interesting and convincing than her first husband's. Eternal love: The love which lasts from the wedding day to the arrival Pternal Questions—Before Marriage—Do you love me as 1” After Marriage—Where is my wandering boy to-night? The Evening World Daily So PELELEDS SED ERD OSL ALESESEODOEOEE DES PESDAAOSONEDOLESE | Mrs. Jarr Lays Gilded Snares a) filling teeth, allow mc." And he passed over a box of candy bullt for parlor purposes in that It had three-quarters of a pound of fancy papers, boxes, tongs and ribbons and a quarter of a pound of candy, the whole bearing the ornate trade mark of one| yond the dreams of arice through selling fancy paper and the reat of/ eandy-box adjuncts at a dollar a pound. Ming Gladys Cackleberry, beng the leading seven or eight of the layers of lace and New York Evening World), the zoological kind, who are (Oh, yes, There is such a ar ever? ir before! In a New Matchmaking Contest. eeeeccccocooesoes ceseeeoooreeosess coeessoeeososoeeN gilt papers and presented the box to he: slater, ‘Sw ta to the sweet, young ladies’ gurgied Dr. Gumm; and the sister team | of the firms that has become rich be-| to strike the Irresisttile conversational- nearest, reached for the box, remove! /nave a bon-bon, Mr. Dinkston? What Here ‘a platache— I lke the taste of pistache, but really the green is so vivid I always think of flavor do you ‘ike? polso: “Do you think they contain bichtorid of mercury?” asked Mr. Dinkston, eag- erty. By this time Dr. Gumm had take the box of candies and had pretended yasn't going to permit the young to have any more. w, you bud thing! You've got t ait between us, 80 we can watch you!” Cackleberry, wiho, be- Said Miss Glad: ing the wtayful. “There, now, you are risoner!” sai ‘Mrs. Jarr, regarding the scene with an indulgent eye. For the very thought of having a male | prisoner gave her a vision of Dr. Gu:nm, entablished in a large practice, delni to the altar by either of the Cacklederrys, who would be duly ful to Mra. Jarr forever after, haps, when on the honeymoon, augment Mrs, Jarr's collection of souv. enir spoons—who knows? “Now, he'll have to beha + Mies Irene. | strongly m™ erful? euline, 80 Mm Don't you think a beard adds strength and character to a man?” “There was Madam Rosa, the bearded lady, -- hegan Mr. Dink: ston. ; But no one was listen'ng to him, for | was seen that Dr. Gilbert Gumm wa about to enunclate another pearl o' thought with Barnum’ “Now he'll be good, girls," said Mra. Jarr. “Ah, Tam a rose between two thorns, aid Dr, Gumm, drilfiently, you ‘Misa Ieene, “A thorn between two —esembst 19, dest, was of course the most would gushed “Why are men with beards, Little Causes By Albert Payson Terhune No. 27.—A Sailor’s Carelessness That Led to the “Hundred Days.” | ECAUSE an English sea captain carelessly made the wrong move | to terrorize once more a whole worki. The “caged lion” was Napoleon Bonaparte, who, after bully- | tne Europe for nearly twenty years, had at last been cooped up on the ; honor—supposedly nothing more than ornamental—he who had swayed the | destinies of a mighty continent was allowed to play at monarchy upon & , harrow eighteen-mile strip of land. of the French Revolution, had made France the strongest nation and him- | set the foremust man on earth. His genius as a soldier and @ ruler had enabled him to thrash Into cringing submission practically every country Constant, 1018, by The rong Pubiihing Co. (The New York Trening Wert), at a critical moment as caged lion was allowed to break tree and ‘Island of Hlba, off the west coast of Italy. There, with a little guar’ of Napoleon, rising like a meteor out of the chaos that came on the heels jexcept England, Emperors had humbly obeyed the stern orders of this | Cors lawyer's son, ! Then had come hia diasetroue R mratzn, from which hie armies Teturned broken by cold and etartat py Nod conauered their Ruselan f Hussian The Caging of an Emperor, ey Trance was depopulated and impoverished ‘by long ware and in ne condition to fight, Napoleon had seen the hopelessness of his case and surrendered. At the Allled Powers’ command he resigned his throne and went into exile at Elba. There precautions were taken to prevent him from escaping and getting ack to France. Meanwhil the French, fairly rid of him and comfortable under the sheen- je rule of King Louis XVIII. began to forget Napoleon's tyranny and the They grew to , the glory he had brought heavy drains his ware had put upon their lives and fortunes. ‘remembering only his genius, his wondrous victori to France, the nameless charm that had made men Napoleon kept {n touch with France. his favor. He resolved to profit by It; and he made his plans to escape from Miba. tn February, 1815, 9 ¢ had been on his isiand for barely ten montha, ve made ready to embark for France, The ship on which he was about to eal lay waiting for hin in the vor. dust then an Eoelivh brig of wer touched at Elba, Her captain Suspicion the walting stp. He was told she was bound on a tradir for Naples, Still fearing the ship might be carrying Napoleon, the 1 her from port. But when he found she was apparently taking Naples, he became convinced he had been mistaken. aul of continuing the chase or guarding Elba, the English captain sailed to Leghorn, where he spent several gay days and nights. By the time he | ish brig-of-war atopped following her, turned back to El There Napoleon |and several hundred of his ‘guard of honor” boarded the vessel and were car- | The nation at large rose in wild enthusiasm to welcome its returned Emperor. Marshal 3 The Battle of Waterloo, vowed to fight for him to the last gasp. Poor old Lou!s Oo) XVII ran for his tite, Without striking a blow, Ni Emperoy of the French. . But his new rule lasted but a brief hundred days, For at once the Allles in June, met them tn force at the fleld of Waterloo, | Outnumbered, his orders disobeyed by «tupid generals, outrageous ill-luck he fell into the hands of hin enemies, And this time they made certain thet he should not escape. They panned him on the island-rock of St. Helena,: Kot back to Elba the mischief was done. Napoleon's ship, as soon as the Eng- Tied to France, landing at Frejus Mareh 1, 1815, capture him, threw himself at the Corsican's feet and | Poleon entered Parts in triumph, Once more he was were again at his throat. He won a victa two against them, and at Iast, hampering him throughout the battie, Napoleon was utterly defeated. Agatu where he was close-guarded unt!! his death. Domestic Dialogues By Alma Woodward, by The Frew Publishing Co (The New York Evening World), The Boss’s Graft. another idea until I know © won't Some The Bea's tat ot TM, | (there is an alr of aupp buntie and ex) y | Mr. B. (scratching his head)—You see, re I eat. fileasal stea) top float Presiaere 1ave to be go slick about choosing thi ante of rd riobon, tiame payer "Te | thing. If T give him something cheesy mies ia up to bet eee in Xana tags, lly boxes think I'm snide and treat me as And if T break my neck ané splurge for him he'll think I'm getting ont ned well to need a raise, Ab, and gold cont.) oh. R. B (peeing off nis! coat)— Well, did | from Philadelphia both exclaimed In | you get te osm) yea ticklish thing! Can't you jUniwon: “Ain't he awfes! present to-day, | thin think, dear? Miss Irene Cackleberry made a feint dear? —Oh, eet him @ Mrs, B (fourishs | If he drinks hell tke jist with the padded velvet-paper top of ing a fountain pen) it, and if he doesn't he'll make a hit by the candy box. No, I didn't, giving it to some one who does, “No, you shan't strike him!" cried Freddie 1 got; Mr. B. (thoughtfully)—That's Pretty Miss Gladys Cackleberry. “Won't you ’ everything BUT) substantial reasoning for an empty that, though, T couldn't find anything | just appropriate to him, Mr, B (aghast)—Well, her stomach, But don't you think he might {take it as an Insinuation? rs. B. (dolefully)—You should curdie a pretty disposition! Anyway, I'll faint In Mrs. B (placidiy)—What's the hurry?/a minute if 1 don't meet food. Honest, e| There's four more days be: Jeoddie, T feel awfully shaky! You knock off work to-morruw after-; Mr, B.—Oh, all right; Til get tt. Noon and meet me ani we'll pick it out| (Threatening) But remember if anything 0 r. ra s comes of it, it was YOUR sug- B fexeitediy)—The boss is guiny! gestion, YOUR fault to-morrow at noon, { 8. B. (dreanily)—T got you the first jday house party the time, Gee, that goulasn will taste good! 0] He'll be at the office only — and here you haven't got @ thing for 1 (Letter received two da ba?) " to give him! Say, {vil put me in Dutch! En route, Come on, get on your hat. “Ui wae ta hank aod: genellioent Mra, 1B (expostulating) ~ Dinvor'al you tor your gift. It te eearona a| ready, Freddie, your dinner first. Useful and m t acceptable. It h in making my trip Very sincerely, G. HIRAM ROCKS. Mp». B. (triumphantly)—See! you eat your dinner before, that night, most likely you'd have picked out a pair of bedroom silppers or a fountain pen. Mr. B (empbaticallyi—Eat nothin’! If] 1 ever got planted in a chair I'd not g up again to-night for a whole c Td be dead to the wo: hurry up! B (feebly)—1 want my dinner! helped greatly enjoyable. rad of bosres ome Mra, M on, yy—You'l get all the Baha gedaan bh ag] Mia. B. dndignantly)—Well, 1 ike Come on! that! Didn't I say “booze” first thin (Om thie stroet a half hour Inter.) Don't T know men? Now don’t arg *] Mrs, B Cwalling)-Oh, I'm so hungry, | with me, Freddie, All you've gotta Freddie! Get him a cigar cutter! when you get your raise, is to give me Mr. B (tersely)—Doesn't smoke. Guess again, Mrs. B (hopefully)—A tie rack is nice, | five plus per week on my allowance, See? b3 Mr, B, (addressing the atara)—6x88=260, Mr. B (killing the hope)—\Wears made | Gee! Just for saying “booze” once! And white bow tles, Once more. }1 PAY fifteen straight or two for a Mra, B. (petulantly)~Well, why don't quarter for the privilege, Equal e@uf- 1 wo you suggest something? (The Day’s Good Stories CS The Solution. HR—George, dear, here's fays the earth is) webbling What do you wp vo frase? Gee, they're a mile ahead of us! tl "| f T have not criet tefore since 1 was @ ehid, J have mo money with which to rewant you, but (drawing & package from the deptim of iis tagged clothes), here's the watel welcome," —-Pittaburgh Chronicle: otis mean orled the other Mine Cackle-| George calwently) ¢ verry, quick as a flash. verse the lever, shit of PETE eae “She ways the most terrible things!’ | bearings, and tigiten the wheel ray Suspicious. crled Irene, who felt it time to hand a | Plain Dealer, STORY W being told of a indy who calied __—__— setback to her w’ster. "You know, | - 45 friend's owe coe evening emonmily, Gladyn in dreadfully clever. Why, in| Real Gratitude. ‘ y igh school her ‘Essay on Agriculture’ | HEN Biaiue Bhs ‘ right, but it how did it begin, Giad On, ves. W new covey : the could not find the ball ‘In the spring the farmer hoes his wert tar ea fumbling about for come wheat'—got the gold medal. ing a Weching tea ood. a 4 |, where is thy sting?” mur- hiv command, t Se ee en oft tha | eet) Sant Ae is her with & suspicious murea Mr, piano stool, 1" whiapered Irene Cackleber: to her sister as Dr, Gumm rushed to pick up the fallen Dinkston. “You know how brilliant men hate clever ge atom aor‘ pak 4p ang the 4 | ereunent the Courk was in te | tramp wept, ‘he jury shines ry I. . 3 minutes and retumed the verdiet “not guilty maid, Then the tramp drew himself up, tears stream: | her in the gloom, enewered burrtedly: "Ot, 1 ing down bis lad at the fature yea! Tease!" ‘Then che ebdeb and [inca eeatamaiss eeu thought wea