The evening world. Newspaper, September 5, 1913, Page 16

The Evening World Daily Magazine, Friday, September 5, 19185 ESTABLISHED BY JOBEPH PULITZER. GeoMehes Dally Except sunday by the Press Publishing Company, Nos 6% to 63 Park Row, New York. RALPH PULATZER, President. 68 Park Row, Can You Beat It? @ x Coprright, 1918, ‘The Pree Pubiahlt New York Evening s,, QQ By Maurice Ketten The Stories of ‘Famous Novels J. ANGUS SHAW. Treasurer, 63 Park Now. WAKE uP jaca O.WA uP | ® JOSEPH PULITZER, Jr, Secretary, 63 Park Row. ’ i KE | WANT MY aE PULITZER, Jr, Secretary, 63 Park Row, : Entered at the Post-OMce at New To an Second-Class Matter, WIFEY, BREAKFAST By Albert Payson Terhune setption Rates to The aing |For Engiand and the Continent and {T'S EIGHT t FTHIHHBHOGDOHOAGOOOOHGAGHAAOHOHD . oa a ee ear O'CLOCK 4 y, yy Consrigit, 1918, by The Prem Publishing Oo, (The New Yor Drening World), Salone Wonk rveiranar ow - = NO. 70.—MIDSHIPMAN EASY; By Capt, Marryat, VOLUME 54........4- ACK EASY was the worstepoiled boy in England. From teagt hood he had had but one lesson drflled into his brain by Bis J i, father, an eccentric old country squire, The lesson was thet “al] PLAYS THAT ARE INSULTS. va fr Old Mr. Hasy vee crank on the robot of “the rights of man” He SRE " in » ‘ . ¥ would not even send Jack to school until he heard of an institution where F THERE be sense and decency left in New Y ork, public opin- KS AN | és Bird $04 wan never cued. Sask Went t tits aeheel End ue ion will make short work of the indecent exhibits which, calling ee ~ aah enough, that the birch rod as ® means of punishment was tabooed, themselves plays, are brazenly pushing into the best theatres = master finding he could thrash far more effectively with a rattan of the city to see how nuch money there is in the unclean, \ . Out of lesson hours the boy was forever trying to put his fathers The smug, clap-trap morality put into the text of such pieces Ce tee a — y/ @eceives nobody. “The youth of the country must be protected,” shouts the author of the latest of these “dramas” through one of his characters. Then he deliberately, and with sickening insistence, flaunts before the youth of his audience a scene of tawdry, over- painted vico and raw suggestion which can claim no shred of juatifi- cation from morality or from art. Such “dramatists” are little better than the wretched men and women who make their flashy living by pandering directly to low tastes and instinets. Lf this is the direction in which our young Playwrights see money and fame the quicker they are brought sharply to their senses the better, Although the theatrical season lias hardly begun this city has seen enough of such work to be thor- oughly disgusted, Self-respecting theatre-voers are already demanding that the Police be called in to sweep these spectacles from the stage into the sewer, where they belong. In this country, one of whore glories is that young people can go freely and safely to the theatre, plays of this sort are so much filthy insult flung in the faces of children and parents alike, New York has no use for such “shows,” nor does it wish to see them sent broadcast over the country with the pretended seal of its approval. The season is still young. Now is the time to stamp them out and make it plain that we will have no more of them. There be few in most political camps hereabouts who will not gladly “fuse” long enough to wish the Mayor a fine voyage that shall bring health to his body and new speed to his pen. ——__.4- OH, TO BE ADMIRED! [ WAS a top-line bunch of magicians that cessed Cooper Union at one moment to dart fire and brimstone at the Sulzer enemies and at the next to distil balm for the Sulser wounds. When Dr. Parkhurst, the Rev. Madison Peters, ex¢!ongressman Bennet and Thomas Mott Osborne got throngh with the impeach- ment, that “orgy of ribaldry in which the Assemblymen waited and waited to vote as they were told” under the commands of a “group of slimy bloodsuckers who had counted on Bulzer’s joining the leek fraternity,” who “have no more chance in the election this fall than a stump-tailed bull has in fly time,” and who are going to be “buried where the devil couldn’t find them,” the audience felt that even the weather was cool in comparison. The Rev. Peters threw soft lights on the “Sulser crime”: “Why, he merely failed to return to admiring friends a emall sum of money thet had been given him for his per tonal] use.” Not long ago Mr. Sulzer himeelf confided in a letter to some wy friends in this city that “there is little or nothing in the charges against me,” which somehow suggested the classic reply of » Tam- j dienes, I imagine, though, that this Prk ak kak elalal kal of al ial al al ak al SAKAAALBAAAAA SAAB Mr. Jarr Witnesses the Climax Of a Truly CP rrr ere ee ee OR | “‘Len't It strange?’ assented Mr. Dink- Successful Failure FHAAAS ABABA ASB AS eMctency engineer it was because he of men” theories into practice, For tnetance, when a farmer caught him stealing apples Jack explained profoundly that the mere fact of the farmer laying claim to the appled which chanced to grow on a certain portion of the earth did not maby those apples his, as the earth belonged to all menmand hence so did the apples growing on ft. ‘The farmer could not eee ft that way and eet his dog on Jack, who @& trying to escape, fell first into a highly active beehive and thes down a well. Again acting on the same principle the boy stole Get from a private pond and received another lesson in the Aifference between theory and practice an regarde equality, the rights of man, for the pond’s owner collared him and confiscated ae@ and | enty hie fiah but his costly fishing-rod as well. ‘A few more lessons of this sort were followed by Jack obtaining threugti @amfiy influence, the post of midshipman. His next four yearn were apent at sea, and there, long before his term of service was up, his early eas that “one man fs as good as another” were effectively hammered out of him. He found that on shipboard a bumptious young midwhipman ts equal to hte superior officers in no one's eatimation except his own. He found also that every effort to enforce mich a belief was even more disastrous to him than had deen his tumble into the beehive and the well. Jack Fasy came home from sea thoroughly oured of his inherited netions aa to equality and the te of man, Incidentally, he came home to trouble, His mother—who had spotled him—was dead. His father had become the dupe of @ gang of swindlers and grafters who used Mr, Easy's “equality” !deas as @ meana to bleed him of @ goodly part of his large fortune. His tenants too, aot ing on the same theory, had stopped paying rent. Jack, full of the new-found common sense that had been so merctlessly bat tered into him, burst like @ cyclone upon this orgy of plunder and deception. He secured contro! of his father’s affairs, drove out the crooka who infested hie |home, and made the tenants pay their arrears of rent. War was declared with Spain. Jack bought a ship, fitted tt out at his own expense and set forth as a privateer to prey on Spanish commerce. He fought gallantly against his country’s foes and won many adventures and many prises, Ae a climax he won as bride a beautiful Spanish girl whom he firat m aboard a vessel that he had just captured. The war over, Jack and his young bride came back to a Hfe of luxury happiness tn Engy, land. Old Mr. Easy had meantime died, and what was left of his fortune descended to his only son. Jack once and for all refuted his father’s lifelong “equality” beliefs dy @ sound bit of homely logic: “Were all equal in beauty,” he argued, “there would be no beauty. For deauty is only by comparison. Were all equal in strength, conficta would be interminadle. Were all equal in rank and power and possessions, the greatest charms of existence would be destroyed. Generosity, gratitude and half the finer virtues would de unknown.” The Day’s Good Stories A Cheerful Spirit. ENATOR Bristow wae talking about © ‘Washington lobby failed, Necessary Allowance. “pyre reader was turning down © whose tbying had q@od young friend,” the reader “They took their chiwreck very philosophical-| sald, “tt te plain you don't underitand modern, ty, very cheerfully,” he eatd, ‘They reminded | uptodate play constriction, Why, ta this play me of the Ohio farmer in the epring foots, here, Mr, Hamfet, as the star, wouldn't be off ‘The farmer, having bem flooded out, wae! the stage five minutes from the firet sot to the rushing down stream with hie feomily im o dilapt-) lest," dated okiff, A refit boat steamed up to him) “But,” faltered the young playright, ‘I thought and the skipper called ‘the stars all Mked that." “ "Hullo, there, What ée you want?’ “No, no," said the reader; ‘‘not your up-te- ‘The farmer, bailing with one hand and ped-| dete stare; not your twentieth century aston with the other, answered, cheerily | managers, No, no, young man, You mmet al: dow, Nothin’ but! ways leave your modern actor-manager at least fifteen minutes in the nd act to go eround tw the box office and the money beiag eounted,""—New Orleans ca, Don’t Hurry. AMES BH. WALIA, “the fly man cf Boise,” J terete tte ite et attr an he ‘most fy-proot State in the anton, Mr, Walls, discumsing hie success, laughed end said: “"l have succeeded tn eradicating the fly by mak. tng all Idaho hate the fly, even as poor old Dan Caron hated his wife, “Poor old Dan lay dying. Mite wife, meiting « ttle for ones, eat to bim: “ "You're going, Dan.’ is the inevitable reaction we all feel at times, the distrust and disgust at the Cccupation by which we maintain our- selves, Why, I know a bartender once, ston. “An ideal profession, one would think, telling other people they are running thetr business wrong, and yet, aa the expression ts, it fs getting on my nerves. I am ashamed to confess {t, but ered my wife rudely this morn- had been in the Iatter’s company. | “You know," Mr. Dinkston went on, “I do not need to be a wage slave I) have a wife who ts both willing and capable to support me. She§s a militant | suffragette, and nothing leases her more than to have me come to suffrage| headquarters and sit and watt for her! to get through her work preparing plans | many statesman when told that his bill was unconstitutional: “Well, {t isn’t eo very unconetitutional.” Similarly some of the “kind woide” from Cooper Union curiously recall a certain Oxford professor of history with « strong bias in favor of the character of Henry VIII. who, when lecturing about his idol, used to pass over the monarch’s habit of chopping off the heads of his wives with the phrase, “the peelibines enone When Filattery Failed. APTAIN Vivian Lockett of the English polo team, sald tm anewer to toast: ‘But, after all, there's always eomething came fe and ridiculons aout defeat. Glo is over ag we Will, defeet is always abeurd, “Defeat reminds me of the foreigner whe eat te the fair American gi “So you are tired of being an effi-| ted Mr. Jarr. lster years of thie great man’s life were clouded with domestic fafelicity.” The saints preserve our admirers! ——-+-—___. We shall be giad to weloome Mrs. Pankhurst and to do what we can to make things pleasant for her. We must warm her gently but firmly, however, that if she brings any of her influence with her she will have to leave it in bond at the dock. Sanna’ HASTEN THE DAY. BILL to get rid of every wooden passenger car in the United A States within the next five years is being drafted by Repre- sentative Allen of Ohio, and will be reported if possible at the next special session of Congress. It will be strange indeed if such a bill is not hailed and passed with acclaim. Railroad experience during the past few yeare has * piled proof upon proof of the immeasurably superior safety and stability of the stecl car. Against the huge modern locomotive, as Representative Allen says, the strongest wooden cars open up, tear and split themselves to pieces like card houses before a cannon ball. We need no further lessons at the price of human lives, The public everywhere impatiently awaits the day when it can be an- nounced in this country that no railroad is running a single wooden Passenger car, and that no car manufacturer would think of build- ing one. ' 2 or to be pnnished as men would be for outrages against public and priv: Property) thelr argument for vielence does not seem te me to hold good, MRS. W, A Train Problem, To the Kalitor of The Brening World: Two trains, 40 and 330 yarda, tively, in length, aro travelling in oppo- site directions on parallel lines, former at the rate of Afty and the } ter at the rate of thirty miles an hour, How long will elapse from the moment they meet till the moment when they #te completely clear of each other? And suppoue, On the contrery, that these two trains are travelling in the same a tion, the first the rate of thirty the second at the rate of fifty miles in hout there be half a mile between them, t length of time will Dd the ‘Zo the Kathor of The Kreving World On what day of the week did June 31, 1898, fall on? “Smashing for Suffrage.” ‘Be the Béttor of The Krening World: People seem to think that milant suf- frage riots and destruction of property * are something new in England. They ‘are not, In 186 I saw an English play, “The Case of Rebellious Susan,” in which the female comedy character was r Mragette who bo d that she and her fellow militants had wrecked the post-office at Claphan Junction. Thus Mladow-snashing, &¢., as an ald to the is fully eighteen years old, if not J understand the militants claim ‘Phat violence 's the only way to make Bagiishmen give them their rights, But Mt they bave been at it for eighteun Amash "S Wo to work.” Mr, Jar, return, @ubway train, and this conversation looked around to see if any woman 1018, by The Prem Publishing Co, | Clency engineer?" asked Mr. Jarr. wrt tee York Krening Worki), INCE I have taken up business engineering,” sald Mr. Dink- atom, “I have no inclination to “But you are going to work,” replied "ah!" ventured the ineffable Dinkston, “1 am GOING to work, but I shall soon ‘The two were in a crowded downtown ace as the two swayed in strap- Mr, Dinketon resumed as he would be considerate enough to get up ‘yes, when I was frivolous idler I always thought nobility of ot thing de- sirable. 1 used to write poems on ‘Toil’ and ‘Bread Strife’ and such ‘Songs of Labor until my wife used to worry | over the mental strain and the nervous | condition I wae in owing to my eym- Pathetic temperament. “Bhe would beg me not to worry over ‘the lot of the worker and Insist on my having breakfast in bed. But now that T am an effictency engineer and an ex- pert on ce-operative co-ornlination 1 find myself longing for amusement and Paradise! “What's your idea of heaven?” ‘“An offive where the boss goes home at neon and the clock |e three hours fast all afterneen.” Conquests of Constance By Alma Woodward The Shining } Light. a | Convright, 1918, by The Prem Publishing Co, (The New York Evening World), AIN'T got a suspicious nature, naturally; but when a girl comes in an’ tells yuh something grand HER feller said about yuh, I think ite about time to get out a accident Ingurance policy!" mused Connie, resting her head on her hand, “‘I don't know wheth- @r he’s @ lemon an’ she wants to wish him on me or whether I've got eome clothes she'd Ike to wear to Coney Island Mardi Gras an’ is pavin' the way far enough In advance,” *Qdaybe she just said tt because it was true,” I observed, “Huh! I've been in th’ backbiting business long enough to know nothin’ as simple as that happens between skirta what is fighting fer popularity! No, it's th’ war signal fer some kind uv Toughhouse—but I'm waitin’ fer th’ Next step. Th' reason I know so much about this particular kind of steer is be- cause I worked it myself once. “There wuz a girl I worked ‘longside uy on th’ ground floor uv th’ Exchange & few years ago. an’ I hated her like because whe had a Penfec' wave in her hair; an’ second because ahe always kop’ sayin’ she wut above her position. Th’ only time I could see wus above her position wan when she'd go up on th’ second floor, an’ I tol’ her ao, Which uy course @idn't make matters no sweeter be- twoen us, At th’ time T wus goin’ with a bald old guy what seemed perfectly useful when T firet met him, but @rad- ually developed a triple-piating of Brouch, bore and thehtwad. T yearned at last to, mislay him, But he wouldn't mislay. “Woll, lote uv ¢imes he'd call fer me at th’ Exchange an’ this queen, not seein’ him long enough to notice his And he was on the point of telling the “Immediate it give me th’ grand idea uv how to get even. So I sez to her| one evenin', as though I was hurt about It: “My Charles thinks yuh've got th’ \ flops whenever he wus around, an’ at the same time I begin treatin’ him like he wus a redheaded stepchild. An’ th’ two treatments worked together, an’ mure enough he got wished on her. ‘That's how I know, See? But speakin’ uv bein’ above yer position an’ thinkin’ yerself superior th’ prise output uv that kennel wus th’ Shining Light! 1 Put up with his Gran’ Mogulishness fer four months, “File college yel wus that he'd never siven none of his relations » moment uy anxiety an’ that he got th’ medal fer elocution when he granduated frum grammar school. Me that no oredit wus di frst In hie classes an’ 9 model at home ‘cause it wugn't no effort. It jus’ come natural to him, Do yuh know thet kind? Well at his teachers havin’ long mince passed away an’ his family havin’ moved to Hackensack Heights, yuh'd have to take his word fer it, yuh know, “An’ a0 T has to Iissen to how he wus always held up as a example to th’ shiftless members uy th’ fam'ly; an’ how his teacher, on his gradu day, cried all over his white lawn tle an’ tol’ him she wus eure that he'd never keep his mother guessin’. An’ whatever made a good son'd make a "XXX Quality’ meal ticket, so his wife needn't put a spy glass on bim every time he went out th’ front door, All this uy course wuz supposed to be bait \fer me to fall in his arme an’ aay: “Marry me ere I croak, Viviant’ “But d'yuh know it got me eo riled at @eetn’ him pinnin’ blue ribbons af over htmeelf all th’ time that at Inst th’ storm broke an’ I ses to him: for aggressive campaigns for the ballot. Then she takes me out to luncheon and gives me spending money. She thinks &@ man’s place ts the home, you know.” “Yes, I know,” eaid Mr. Jarr. “She likes the tender, clinging, help- lems kind of husband,” Mr. Dinkston Went on. “T'm not a good housekeeper, though. And yet she doesn't find fault. If I will meet her at the door with a smile “I take it, then, that you Dusiness tte?" qu tiring of ried Mr. Jarr. anid Mr. Dinkstea. ‘When I was a poet, when I was a hor- mit, when I was a tango instructor I often thought how I should prefer being & tired business man. So much is done for the tired business man—playa and books written for him, time and labor- saving devices in his oMfces; in fact, st was thinking of theme devices, some of which I digoussed with your employer, that let to my taking up efficiency en- - sineering. “But you are getting tired of being a G@red business man?’ Mr. Jarr asked. “If I could only work for nothing, then & would be @ pastime” replied Mr, Dinketon, “But as goon as one le paid for what one does one immediately hates one's job, That’e why unrecog nized and unappreciated gentus te so happy. A poet ts starving; he realizes he ts sacrificing ease and luxury—even three meals # day and room rent—for ithe muse, He scorns the world that does not recognize his genius, “A painter cannot eell his paintings? So much the better, His art is too subtle and fine for the emug tolflers and commercial money-making Ask any artist and fame draw- long-necked, doll-faced tor magazine covers, or who are imaking vast fortunes illustrating mage ‘azine stories with young men and young ‘women in ornate attire in luxurious sur roundings, and these so-called suo cessful artints will tell you: ‘My boy, I am degrading my art. Ah, if 1 only could paint what I wish to paint!’ ” “And you think you'll chuck up your Job of eMciency engineer just because you are too successful,” “Yes, It makes my wife unhappy; she thinks I am neglecting our home. Besides,” added Mr. Dinkston sadly, “ ‘Bay, I'm afraid yer perfection might be ketehin’, and I'd rather die uv th’ pip! So wrap up yer buach uv cre tange tricks, ‘ try te ogie him an’ Sn’ly mala: ° yer triena? dentiats an’ git. A good son may make @ good husband, But I'm afraid you'd le toe geod to be true ES LE 1 TT, “the firm informe me my ealary is to be raised. 1 can't stand that.” “Can't stand it!” cried Mr. Jare & prises, “Why nott “R ruining my they are paying me now,” taserutadle Dinkstes, health to apend what 3. Tees? Teplieg the} Petterns “tah, dear young lady, dere tse only vun ves English languiteh to describe your beagtw.* . yes!’ waid the girl, with an expectand raging amile, “Dan, his eyes closed, made mo answer, His ife then repeated, with @ eigh: ‘Dan you're going, but I'l) soon fellow you,’ pon this Dan's glassy orbe opened, and he in & hollow voice: “*¥ou stay here as long ee you ea,’ "—New Orleans Daily States, ‘And, unfortunately,’ the foreigner conctated, "1 hat forgofte vat de vort tm! Bitar. are soft and becoming, The yoke effect ts obe talned by an elongated back, and, consequente ly, there 1s almost no labor needed for the making, The tiny Mte tle revers and the eol- lar / front finished with but hems can be in thelr stead, af though cords are wn ‘aists of this kind are vlways needed for This season white will be much worn, QOolor to match the sutt will be foshionable, tut contrast colors that harmonizing @lso used. The long finished are will sleeves with It require | material wide, with 42 Bust. {1 Cell at THE EVENING WORLD MAY MANTON PARITON? | Mew $BUREAU, Donald Building, 100 West Thirty-second street pal } te te Gimbel Bros.), corner Sixth avenue and Thirty-second street, } Ovtain $New York, or sent by mail on receipt of ten cents in colin eee f t stamps for each pattern ordered, IMPORTANT—Write your address plain!: ly and ali epeaity tise weated. 444 two cents for letter yond postage if in a hurry, HAT prettier blouse than W this one could’ f be found for autumn use? ‘The full fronts