The evening world. Newspaper, October 5, 1912, Page 8

Cre Se aiorio. ESTABLISHED BY JOSEPH PULITZER. Except Beneey. by the P: Gubliontns Company, Nos, 63 to o a ‘(@aene Dany Park Row, PULITZER, President, 62. Park Row. soatit LATADR, Ire Becretary, C8 Park | You witt BE BRAVE | MONEY Bit T r » ark Row. U fore) Bt the Post Ottice at New York aw Bocond-Clann Matter, ANO FEARLESS WILL BE sh mune RStNe he Evening) For England and the Continent and for the United States All Countries in the International and CanaA Portal Union. $ D BiSTRIBUTED REAL PLEASURE HANDB, an i LS y 0 HN Ppa po A H HOOD BI ROMLEC MR. MORGAN'S TESTIMONY. Whosoever Tach, to him shall be given, and be shall Dien shall be taken away even that he hath.—Mat. xiii, 12. ccteeenaeeeemedpeperenemreans * WHAT AILS THE LAWYERS? ‘ HE man who put into his will a plain warning to his heirs to beware of probate judges and attorneys was doubtless only | getting his revenge for bitter memories of his own. “My | experience,” the will read, “in dealings social and otherwise oy oka has been extensive, and careful observation in other in- stances has convinced me that they are all dangerous crooks, only @isguised, and expressly educated and trained to obtain one’s confi- Coprright, 1912, by The Press Publishing Co, (The New York World). AS nothing really funny happened since Adam carved the first jowe 66 about Eve on Plymouth Rock?’ sighed the Rib. : “Nothing quite so funny as Eve, perhaps.” sugmested he i Mere Man. “But why—" “Because,” interruMed the Rib, tossing the comic eheet tte the fire impatiently and propping her blue satin toes sauctly on the femgar, “everything has changed within the last few hundred years except the ‘enae- rage laws and the atyles in jokes. I'm simply pining for @ «bod, hearty seugh. But {t's not within the power of human nature to go on laughing eny longer at pictures of old maids with side curte, and henpecked husbands loaded Gown with bundles, and trembling suitors, and irate papas, and wives going thrown their sleeping husbands’ pockets—especially when you know these things éen* even exist any more.” \ “Why not?” queried the Mere Man in mock surprise. “If those plotures wes, ALL You LL HAVE To Do You'tt BE ABLE To BREATHE food, enough for You andfather to laugh at, aren't they good enough for you repeated the Rib on once oat tae ot painted the a originals of thove on leat, Mr. j been THIRTY 'S To CUT CouPoNns [Fe IN WATER ~anp See MERMAIDS, ginals of th artoons on a fig-leat, Mr. Cutting, LS (Se A ( Discrareen bY) >) yeara aince old maids wore side curls and spectactes. Side curts have been out of fashion so long that—that they're coming in again. But they are the epectal ha!l-mark of debutantes and showgiris, not-of oid maids. Old makis. 1¢ then} were any, would sleek their hair primly and neatly under @ coronet en: Genie in order that they may defraud and rob with impunity.” there aren't any, OAS Wore” ; meet ted Such savage generalization is merely piquant. Yet why should aires Babed the Mere Man regretfully. ‘They're all euffragettes, ie it be true, as it undoubtedly is, that lawyers are unpopular—more so than any other class of professional men? Doctors and lawyers both to & peculiar degree enter into close confidential relations with their its. So far as motive, character, public esteem are concerned, “And there,” declared the Rib with a cynical shrug, “is another Gear, qu out ‘old master’ that has been preserved to us. The quffragette in @ fedora thei stiff collar, rubber boots and goggles. She went out of actual existence abun with Belva Lockwood; but her spirit stil! remains with us in the come p8piook If @ suffragette actually looked Ilke that, the ‘Cause’ would have been @ @was : i ; tesue long ago. Why, I go to suffrage meetings myself—" dea @octors stand high. Lawyers, on the other hand, have much to wish “What” exted the More Mak Jn Gorrot, , j for in the matter of standing and repute. Is it because their chances “Just to get points on the latest fads from Paris,” explained the 3 t fhastity, “Most of the prominent suffragettes are either actresses or eocle! women, you know; and if the sight mf them makes the angels weep—it is wit! PNVY! But there! There is a whole Hall of Fame dedicated to 1890 Styl In Jokes. “On your right as you enter you will observe the antique group, ‘The Enraged Papa’—in other words, the classic picture of the trate old gentle. man tn the act of booting his daughter's suitor out of the front door, Think of it! With husbands as acarce as hen's teeth or Chippendale, this unnatural parent INSISTS on kicking @ perfectly good young mvan with an offer of mar- R HAT Witt BE RETURNED IF You riage out of the door, instead of falling on his neck with tears of gratitude, end You FREE telephoning for the clergyman before he can escape! Quaint okt Papa!” “But we MUST preserve SOME iMusions!" protested the Mere Man “We MUST keep up some of the old traditions, such as Santa Claus, and reluctant maidens, and—" “Well, they're all preserved, pickled, and embalmed in Yhe comic sheete!”’ returned the Rib, consolingty. “There you will find poor, brow-beaten bus bands laden with parcels and packages, tagging after their wives: and flerce looking wives grasping rolling pins, waiting behind the door for their wander- ing husbands. For at least twenty years the shops have been delivering every- thing, from a paper of needles to a toothbrush or a plano, right at your front \ of profit and reward are more subtle, more tempting, more equivocal ? “We smile to-day at some of the mediaeval thrusts at lawyers | af when Shakespeare makes Henry VI. say, “The first thing we > Ge,:let’s kill all the lawyers,” or when Peter the Great on being told the meaning of the swarms of black gowns and flowing wigs in West- minster Hall exclaims in astonishment, “Iawyers! why I have but two in my whole dominions and I believe I shall hang one of them the moment I get home.” Yet who, amid present day events, could with conviction the words of Webster: “An eminent lawyer cannot be a dishonest man. ‘Tell me a man is dishonest and I will anewer he is no lawyer. He cannot be, because he is careless and revkless of justice. The law is not in his heart, is not the standaci aad fole of his conduct.” THIS WiLL BE | AGAINST THE Can the profession stand that test? door; and {f the modern husband were asked to carry so much as a pound of \ tea In a brown paper bag his growls could be heard for miles. ¥ \ ——-1+-__—_. “But that slight fact never hampers the humorist. It doesn’t even seem te oceur to him that the average modern woman wouldn't know where to find @ Tolling pin, even if she had one; and that so far 1s she from waiting up for her husband that she usually pins a note on the newel post telling him to take off his shoes and come upstairs as quictly as possible, so as not to awaken her. After @ hard morning of shopping, a hard afternoon at the club and @ hard evening at briige, no woman has the etrength left to sit up and play ‘lght-tn- the window’ for an erring husband nowadays." “Alas!” sighed the Mere Men. “The good old times have fled. Wives no longer keep tabs on their husbands; mothers-in-law no longer visit their sons- in-law; nursery maids no longer filrt with park policemen, and Jone maiden ladies no tonger look under the bed for burgiars. Even WOMAN, the grest orig'nal Joke, Is no longer funny, or refreshing, or cute, or iilou!cal. “And that's the whole secret of tt!” declared the Rib tragically, ‘Man has =@ Orr yo |always taken thimself seriously; and now that he's begun to take Woman - 11) ily Mr. Jarr Witnesses the Breaking wera we haven't" protested the Mero Man vehemently. NO LESSONS ? HE blame for the railway disaster at Westport is likely to rest with the dead engineer who took a crossover at high speed despite signals set to warn him. The official report @f the railway officials will hardly go further. But does that end it—until the next disaster? Are there no lessons from this latest wreck, no cumulative evi- Gene? pointing toward possible improvements and safeguards? + Granted that while human eye, brain and hand are part of the mechanism the “human equation” is always to be reckoned with. | Would two alert engineers, equally responsible, on every engine lessen | the Hkelihood of error? . This time the heavy Pullman coaches—usually the safest because of their more solid construction—got the worst of it and were @ptintered and burnt to scrap iron. Would steel cars have suffered q a ‘ ‘Oh, yes you have," sighed the Rib. “You think you haven't but you Of a Fiery, Untamed Bachelor jHay —and of course there's nothing left to joke agian rae la) 2) to love, nor to cherish, nor to pet,” added tl * agreed the Rib, with a Httle shrug. ‘Dhere’s nothing to ANYTHENG Angora kitten!"* z nowadays—not even to being a woman. I wish I wer and he began to tug on his saucy yel-jsome little while. “Some fellows would | hav low gloves and adjust his purple cravat|feel sore about it. But I don't care!” “They're peaches!" ald Mr. Jarr, Pita tsa reine sotobinn gticichia: Momus Gaikits Lita: hee warmitl ibliia. tearooeers: anaennnnnnrannnnannnnnnnnannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnennnannnaan fe as bedly? ‘There was somo “class” to Jack Si!-janxtous and eager to see you, you! “I always admired Philadelphia girls,” Tek i m ver. He was a natty dresser and didn't|know," expostulated Mr. Jerr. ‘“They|said Mr. Silver. ‘They’ tne d- Th fF lk Th t Along the whole train fire burst out almost instantly after the| @iFy care how much money he spent. HE|Just sald, ‘Have Mr. Silver wait a min-jent. I guess that's eda Decne: e fe] S a ‘exash from the explosion of the Pintsch gas tanks. Cannot all trains ‘ wall ute’ T think they really wanted to get|tion of Independence was signed In new be lighted with electricity? ow, don't be huffy, I'll see about )ril of Dinkston.” Philadelphia, T° e ‘ve got some self-ro- 8, lig: RRR oe ge REE LX, Write Our Book With fireproof steel cars, more flexible, more likely to erush R ; perma 3d cel tract Ne oa scene mer havel Thee fo nes live thaee I oo Ss Me huffy? The Idea! cried the or-|dashing Jack Silver in the tone New York girls, :hrowing themselves at without splintering, might not passengers, even though injured and nate bachelor, ‘No, old chap, I really|uses when he is dying to tell you all|the heads of every man that comes just dropped in for Give my|about his domestic’ troubles. “But~jalong. By Jove! I admire them for it.” DBERT HALIFAX, who writes) pen. He declares himeeif grateful to dls imprisoned, have escaped the horrors of slow cremation? Ga, |Terpects to the indies and tell them I|but"—and Mr. Jarr stood aghast to see| “Glad to hear you say ao,” nald Mr novels of London low soclety,| Parents for perfect health and to hie gé/ ‘Are there no lessons? we tot was so sorry I could not wait, but ala tear, a real tear, on the cheek of the/Jarr, wondering whether {t was the jolt declares that inspiration, | note for @ quiet and pleasant comer tn /% ‘ R. JARR saw the caller waalVery Important engagement called me|hardened bachelor. to his self-esteem or Gus's truly won- Rove your Wael Gi FOeUlar’ | Soesutiing Preston Peake: M really the expected visitor, Jack |@Way.” derstand, I don't care a bit, not a|derful Scoich that was working this method theories are all hum-| xing Lionel Marka dy is realty only bachelor in the} ‘T'll go with you," said Mr. Jarr.|pit!” sald Mr. Silver, making a dabjchange in the erstwhile conceited bach= bug. Writing, he insista, {s plain Sliver, th Clara Louise Burnham says tha Jarr acquaintance able to take a wife| He felt he might as well be killed for/at the telltale tear with his handker- |elor. drudgery and the only glow comes with | artist's studio described so ‘attractively by a ‘ . orm ot the rewards of success. in her new novel, "Dh . and support her in the style the girl of |An old sheep as a lamb, He'd be blamed chief, “But my feelings are hurt 'm giad T had this little talk with " novel, | The Toner Fame pte Pb eeolly for the guest of honor escaping, any-| Mr. Jarr did not venture to ask him| you,” continued dashing Jack Silver, | pHeatrice Harraden, whose Uships That |‘ taken from @ real studio cleverty, de can. dangerous diseases, notably consump-| “You're a little late,” maid Mr. Jarr, | Way. how his feelings could be hurt to the|"‘It shows my character, It shows how rye ayy 4 4 Foleo tenteet SOE antor Sree On of Teo Evening tion, with minor alimente such as a illion copies, has just esented j old chick hou “What'a the difference,” replied the| They waiked down the street together, |point of tears if he cared no whit, Mr.|I admire giris that make a ‘man, nolancther odd erudy of life called “Out of {the “Villa Chamtederee eemly named Wort it gy ee vd Re catarrh, influenza &o. The syatematic| spoiied tachelor. ‘They'll wait for me,|Mr. Silver inwardly chagrined but airily|Jarr only patted him on the back and|matter who that man Is, keep his place. | the Wreck I Rise.” She is the daughter] Agnes C. Laut has become @ woumn that the public schools isinfection of achool rooms, a# advo-| won't they? Well, where are the Phila | pretending life was @ay and sweet to) sald: They were occupied and they mrade|of a musician and was born in London in| farmer. She is fencing and developing as polling places at the coming ted in @ paper read at the recent In- delphi el ii him. “They didn’t mean it, I know they/even ME walt. Dinkston IS 1961, her mother being a Spanish woman. ja four-hundred-acre est: and as meeting places for the| ternational Congress on H. Nee ee So eaten : = ifr alba apcndg » Porter ‘deme + i re in the parlor gettin: tnatr| “Come in Gue'e and have something,” |@idn’t mean itt" low. He may be down and out, bue|H¥en a8 a child she tried to write ehort| Mra, Eleanor H. Porter dentes Sat of the issues of the cam-| Demography at W drop- | suggomed Mr. Jari “I'm welcome everywhere,” sniffied|don't that prove those Philadelphia orten, ont wlohe moan’ wt | cement Cite eet nee ae eee, ae te Se hoped. in the taterests| times an important saniter; ped In,” explained Mr, Jar. “We're to| “A corner saloon?” replied his friend.|the bachelor, “Girls write me notes,|are considerate of the poor fellow'n fog | yin ee gr tnat thin and tae Weve { Puivant romance. she admits, however yn who attend the sxchools,| which will become doubly so If theso|wait a minute til they are through.” |‘My dear fellow I never go In them. ‘call me up on the telephone, beg me to|ings? Don't it show t! bah WR t oat OF EANy. Nottsonws Gam | i : : respect brains | published “Between Two Thieves,” 1#| have never been muse ‘ oe raga We sorethan which have tellaneous pu yoo as places of mis-| s"Ve're co walt m minute til they are|Come to my club, We have Scotch we|come to seo them! Girls’ mothers chase {more than money? I'm going right] Miss Clotilde Graven. | She ts” the |lsher, but lay. Epa oe in an eld fection which must] ce J . be a 1 replied ek i ; Y no ih wou @ re cuaehter Gi - a LB iy 3 at ta tlecen at pubite| simple and Inexpensive matter to spray through, eh?’ replied Jack Silver, |import ourselves, It's wonderful! |ine into corners and tell me what splen-|back with you and toll them how I ad-/daughter of a major in the Eighteenth | music cabinot in the author's home, tas Rostra with an eMelent alsineemiens |W > you think Tam? An actor! “You come In here with me and we'll did housekeepers thelr daughters are} mire girls of thelr sort.” Royal Irish Regiment, “Dame Curteey, You'll |and what a furore their musical talents! And b author of varteds it may be taken as quite cer- ipes and other emat- oom |have Scotch Gus makes himaeif, elution ab tia’ alee ‘as Sach tasting. liberty,’ camping in the an’ k they started, Mark Lee Luther, author of the much=| hooks of games, ri téim that among the thousands who w ? A Biot) lnthstag ca’ (or aralt @ ‘ ( 4 ee praised new novel, “The Wo: of It," | ters, upon witich hostesses have 1 ‘And {t 1s to be hoped that the authorities al magnate? find {t even more wonderful,” @aid Mr,|create—and to be asked to walt while] “Gus, 1 Mr. Jarr as they a sen have lenened Seesaw the schools for either of tho pur-} will seo that thie precaution is not| raid Mr. Jarr, “but they|Jare firmly, jDinkston~that talkative | tramp—held | leaving, * want to send a bottle of that the afitor of the Amart Get Magasine. |to rely, 18 Mrs, Holibrook), formmety + yetee mentioned above a considerable| omitted. J.T, AINSLIE WALKER, wait a minute. “Of course, I don't care a whit," sald|thetr hande, Say, what sort of looking} Scotch of yours to my mother-in-law In| “Warwick Desping, the English novelist, | by birth wad fata conerioutee eee | partion will be affected, if not with Montclair, N. J. said the bachelor testily, Mr, Silver, after they had been in GUs's girls are they? Whatcha going to! Brooklyn ‘ puisiaed anaes taka tee Go ia Colas beet ee of Officers of the Visiting Fleet: COMMISSIONED OFFI CER: How to Tell the Rank OA OLE A A I 5 eee CAPTAIN. MEDICAL DIRECTOR. CHAPLAIN, NAVAL CONSTRUG OR LIEUT, JONIOR LIEUT. ENSIGN. Cl eal < |e La Td PRINTER BANDS MAN MACHINIST. CARPENTER BLACKSMITH SAILORMAKERS M. MASTERATARMS BOATSWAINS MATE ‘QUARTER MASTER GUNNERS MATRA. roy HANS J \ (trp = nev N PaTT i \ wy Pipersy SEkise aes, ‘J SEAMAN GUNNER CHIEF YEOMA, POTHECARY, | WIRELESS TRL VURR' ere eon TRD 4s Ea NA Wireimos TURRET CAPT, HODPITAL Crs Conary saa ELECTRICIAN SHIPS coo SMiaans zee United States Navy is mobilizing in the North River, New York for the next few days will be full of naval men of every grade, from seaman to admiral, Their rank Is Indicated by chevrons on the arm or by Insignia on collar or 8 | eneble you to tell at a glance the branch of the service and the rank of the cfficere you ese in town i leretrap, The accompanying . ‘ . Ae ere teen snes Hetetam ee ee eee terme naman e @ ev titninteat sa —