The evening world. Newspaper, May 2, 1912, Page 18

ESTABLISHED BY JOSEPH PULITZER. PAMshed Daily Except Sunday by the Preas Pubitening Company, Nos, 63 to Park Row, New York. P RALPH PULITZER, President, 62 Park Row, J ANGUS SHAW, Treasurer, 63 Park Row. JOSi:PH PULITZER, Jr, , wi Secretary, 63 Park Row. Let Ie. Bapie: MARCH ww THE SUFFRAGETTE Parape ? cmemetes - Entered nt the Post-OMen at Naw York as Second-Ciass Matter. @eription Rates to The Bening} Yor Pnciand ard the Centinent and All Countries {n the International | Postal Unton. $2.80) One Year 20) One Mont! World for the United States and Canada. “His wife said he had « package,” sald Mra. J “That is, she expected he'd have a package.” “She was right,” eadd Mr, Jerr. “He fad @ package. Besides this, he hed @ doxen rose bushes with him that he doug at a downtown seedstore at 5 P. M., and I wish I could tell you all ‘the trouble thet bunch of rose bushes cased. People thought they were mine . Co, Cone ES New eek Woe 66P SUPPOSE you’ mad at me, * ] aren't going to speak to me for &@ weok and blight my fair young Mfe in general. But I just couldn't help Domestic By Alma As Mr. Jarr said th and firmly, he gazed flinghingly, like a hero ready to meet his fate. Mra, Jarr faltered, and in that mo- ment lost control of the altuation, “My gracious!” she said weakly, “At least you might have telephoned that you Were with that man Jenkins, Here was his poor wife waiting and waiting and waiting for him!” “I tried to keep him from drinking,” explained Mr. Jarr, “but you know how those men who live out of town are “I know how the men who live IN replied Mrs. Jarr. T said, you might have t me and explained how matters wer | “I knew you had company,” Mr. Jarr went on, “and as the man was drinking I was not going to bring him home with | way, me, whether his wife was at our house! streets with a lot of little hoodiume or not, As for telephoning, I couldn’t|” sr, get away from him e minute, 80 ater lod AP ree ae ene Seer a 4@ while he tegan to shriek that he'd | y¢ miss the last train to Ei wid fon, did you enjoy the s0 I saw him to hte train, words, calmly THE MORAL. R. CARR (carving with anatoml- cal prectsion)—What did you - arte), to-day, son? Cynti—Went to the movin’ thie afternoon. Li Mr. Carr (with knite Upraised)—Don’t you think you're allowing the boy to go to the moving pictures too often, Mary? Mra. C, (stowly)—No, I don't think so, In splte of what people way, I think a Pictures It's better, any. Malaria, and Siorerest Cyril (onthustastioally)—On, there wuz one swell picture there, Pa, it got ferybody goin’. Mr, C, (pleased)—Indeed? What was it? A ecene of travol—a trip up the Nile or the temples of India, perhaps? aw! = §=6Nothin’ called “The Watter's Dream,” Mr. ©. (pussied)—That doesn't sound Very tatructive, does {t, Mary? Mra. C, (hopefully)—Well, it must have had a moral, and I'm sure Cyril was the first to recognize tt. Mr, C, (indulgently)—Did tt have a moral, son? Cye (eagerly)—Oh, sure! 1°11 tell yuh what (t wus. Yuh eee, the man wuz a waiter an’ every time he broke a dish or got sassy to a customer the boss ‘ud kick him an' take money out of hie wages, too, An’ he got tired of bein’ treated mean, 20 he went home an’ went to bed (only he went to bed with his pants on, Ain't that funny), an’ he had @ dream, see? VOLUME 52. ALAS, NOT YET! UT dismal cheer issues from the lips of General Manager ? B Hedley of the New York Railway Company, alias the Metro-| . politan! The Woman’s Health Protective Association tried the other day to get Mr. Hedley to any when the new stepless cars, a sample of which has enraptured New York and filled it with longings | for more, would be put into general use, Whereupon the Manager pulled an excecding long face and fetched a groan about the depleted condition of the company’s treasury, the cost of building new care and the great number of old ones on hand. A bright suggestion from some woman as to « bargain with second-hand car dealers produced only deeper gloom. According to Mr. Hedley the bitter, bitter truth is that “every large city in tho country has better street car equipment than New York.”’ They don’t want any of our old cars. The only thing to do with them is to ride im ’em and wear ‘em out! “Mr. Hedley says we ought to be only too happy “to eee an era atarting that our children and grandchildren will enjoy.” ~* ®tarting eras is not all it’s cracked up to be. We should like 4 ride in some of those new care ourselves, Moreover we have a fecling that if it hadn’t been for traction tricks like the Ryan-Whitney capitalization of an $80,000,000 street railway property at %500,000,000 the company might be able to buy a few new cars instead of compelling the city to shuffle around in ‘ite‘old transit shoes until they drop to pieces. —— 4 be SPRING’S TAPESTRIES. IXTY THOUSAND TULIPS are ablaze in the Colonial Garden S at Van Cortlandt Park. The wet weather at the end of last month opened up these gorgeous flowers and May Day found them at their best. It is a magnificent sight, well worth a journey up ‘to the Bronx to see. There is no more decorative flower, alone or in mass, than the tulip. It has its own peculiar dignity and richness of line and color. Ite variations of marking and shade are marvellous. It bears itself with conscious pride and distinction. : No wonder the Dutch.went crazy about tulips. It has been the , frshion to laugh at the “tulipomania” of those sturdy Hollanders who lost their heads over the wonderful flower, paid sometimes $5,200 for e single specimen, divided the ownership of individual bulbs into shares, sold plants they didn’t own and that never existed, and in fact terrifically over speculated, made fortunes and ruined them- telves in tulips according to the most approved methods of the modern stock market. ° Tt was crazy speculation. Still, as a market boom, “Tulips” are ne more crazy than “Steel Common” or “Union Pacific,” and cer- tainly'a deal more beautiful and ornamental. * If you don’t believe it, go up to Van Cortlandt Park and see the present display. Gaze upon it withrespect. Noté how beautiful the beds are—how far too beautiful to be trodden upon or picked or wmuseed in any way whatsoever. ‘Be proud of them and proud to protect them. / — fo ARE YOU A CROOK-HANDLER? N OUTRAGED CORRESPONDENT, in a letter which we print elsewhere, is hard hjt by a recent editu. | in this colimn which sternly condemned the two unknown mie- creants who were scen the other day carrying “crooked-handled um- brellas” in a subway train, After they got out a man in the sane train missed a dress suit case containing $5,000 worth of jewelry. Nobody saw any one touch the case, but everybody remembered those rascals with the “crooked handles” and suspicion dark and irrevocable settled upon them! ‘ “Why,” said The World, “shou!d anybody carry an umbrella with a ctooked handle unless for the crooked purpose of hooking away the belongings of his fellow men?” And we added that Catonian dictum _ which has so stung our correspondent: “A straight man carries o ttraight umbrella and contrariwise.” ‘ Tle admits he carries a crooked umbrella and even a crooked stick! He feobly urges the excuse of comfort and convenience—he~ ‘cause, forsooth, he can hook them on his arm when he wants to use both hands! “Comfort?” What is crooked comfort compared with obvious end unbending rectitude? How shall a man with a crooked umbrella ever escape the suspicion of his fellows? “Convenience” Does a good man carry a blackjack in his pocket because it is “convenient” to break ice for the ice cream freezer? Does a man of peace wear a knife in his boot for the “con- venience” of opening sardines? Apologize? Never! Let our correspondent carry out the vicions threat! Let him march upon this office with his crooked umbrella! We shall be ready for him with our fair straight one! » Oh, all upright umbrella owners, are we not right? eS r FIGURING up the increasing cost of living, don’t forget to add the coat of all the inquiries about it. | Letters from the People rles a straight handle 1s not, alive to the methods for simple comforts, Tam utterly amazed that the editortal section should be so blind to the great ” ‘ser! Forget 1!!! I've carried crook- ) ‘handle umbrelias and sticks for the past ye ©. (@ecoming tn’ a)—¥, _meore of years. Never fished for any-| comport ot ee oe ee M od) Yes, thing with them, BUT when I must buy lox to a cheap tal! An ane ie and what did ho dream, Cyril? @ tleket or desire the use of both) jemanted:tt ayer tA Cyril (waxing warm)—He dreamed T very gently hang the crook over my arm; or I may hang Yea. my vest arm-hole; or I may | To the Edlior of The Brening World: 4 hang on the back of seat | 1s the Jumel mansion on Washington dy HPA m0 that ogre Heights oti standing? Ned ve that some rich guy give him a whole lot of coin an’ he went back to the same restaurant where he used to work in, an’ took a seat table an’ a wait- er come up to him @ took a hunk “On May Day, In olden times, there wae always some great poten- tate who managed the ceremonies.” “1 didn't know they had Jjanitere ° 4 &M | In those days. ‘ Pia The Rvening World Dail: Moevitiag Thurs Why Not? % -xests) 8 Copyright, 1912, by The Press Publishing Oo, (The New York World), than having him run around the! y 2, 1912 By Maurice Ketten MRS, SOLOMON 4 Being the Confessions of the Seven Handredth Wife Translated By Helen Rowland DEMoCRATI SUrPRAGerTES Copreigha, 1019, Ww The Press Pubtishing Cv. (The Mow Yor J ERILY, verily, my Daughter, there be V TEEN CURES for Love; and each of these been tried and guaranteed. ' Beha RS bromides, and tite False Prophets have instructed thee aa cerning, “How to GET an Husband ;” but if thou wouldst GET RID 'of on | then hearken unto me, . or I charge thee, arise carly that thou mayest be FIRST to the mo Paper; and when he deacendeth to eat and drink, TELL him what thou hag®. |aeen therein. Yea, ALL ite contents make known unto him before hg readeth it. Question htm each day concerning where he has spent the hours ther@ah Demand an accounting of his moncys, and what he hath done with emt | Observe the number of cigars which he emoketh, and keep tabs thereomg and when he hath settled himself after dinner, chide him therewith. | Admonish him before servants, and correct his GRAMMAR in public, Keep thine eye upon him within the drawing-room lest he slip, then he maketh a fauz pas APOLOGIZE for hin. Let thy criticism fall alike upon his collars and his manners, and fl | @arcasm upon his opinions and the cut of his hair. When he goeth fishing TAG ALONG. Summon him over the telephone at uncrpected moments that he know that thine eye te ever upon him. Suffer not his men friends to enter thine house. and forbid him | moke therein, and to sit upon the best chairs. { When beggars and old clothes men importune thee bestow upon th | Ade garments without waiting to consult him. | Before he returneth from his labore pry open his mait that thou maj | | INFORM him of the contents thereof. When he kisseth thee let thy sniffs be audible and thy greeting: “We how MANY hast thou had upon the way home?" When he telleth his favorite story suffer him not to finish, bit rupt him, saying: “My -Beloved, thou hast forgotten. It happened way"— Let thine eye rest critically upan his coat lapel and pluck imagt hairs therefrom with which to confound him. y | When he hath retired to rest and repose seek out his wallet, and haw ng) 4 | devastated it, replace the remains at haphazard. Hang his TROUSERS UPSIDE DOWN upon a chair, Verily, verily, my Daughter, a man whom wild horses would not | dragged from thy side shall be DRIVEN therefrom by these things as horde of gnats. Lo, the Fool rusheth unto Reno, crying: “Give me liberty or give me GROUND GLASS!" | But she that heedeth my counsel abideth at home. And when she gotten her way all the world will cover her with tears and sympathy, “Lo, she was @ GOOD woman! And he was a BRUTE to have serted her.” For such is the judgment of fools. Selah. op ay eet antenna vnetennyy HM The Day’s Good Stories Filipino Sorrow. evcnms to BS the tre wh he dows to breakfast the other ta wen smaches by ‘a br,” oat pete ura SREY A Paris Play. cm FROHMAN wee praising @ ‘He ty @ gente,” Mr, Frohman ‘according to the National “Tt fe) eceeccesoosoooooe coocesoocoooooooe cesoesoo ese eeee Mr. Jarr Tells the Tragic Tale bles yout” Magazine, Of the Commuter and the Roses |e. oo at i iat eee ieee cane on ae “A young girl hee father and mother had gone to see is. Father,’ she said, ‘understood as t os could, and’ mother as much as chose. at om earth atis you," I asked, rat OnsrerceoeccooesecoeeoeesesseseseTeTRsIsINRN000000" Jour band in the subway and T got thrown off the train.” “Why didn't you explain they belonged ‘to that man Jenkins?" asked Mrs. Jarr. “I wouldn't take the blame for other People, But you always were an old softte!"" “I hadn't time to explain anything,” dy this time the man had started drink- | hooed ing, @o I thought it best not bring him home with me and have him and this wife quarreling in front of the com- pany. Bo I stayed with him end reasoned with him and nally put him the last train for East Malaria.” Did he lose the rose bushes? asked —_—-__ Those Contemptuous Cle “ ‘senor, ho aes aro Noble muchacho, that, fen't bef—Ihittppines Monthly. 0 you suppose there are any p left In England?" inquired the p dressed woman with hor arms ey Too Slow. “Why, I suppose so, madam," replied f " CHINESE taundryman in Oakte 1, | Moorwalker in that soothing tone cin sad Mr, Jerr, “But when I caught up| Mrs. Jarr, ‘His wife will be still more A voweliy, 20d, Mle Gorcates iter etek | mild lometios, were to Jenkins T fixed him, But, as I sald, |angry i he did. The last time they iat habitually lost time, 60 be took the | _"Well,"” the indignant, ‘old him to bring out temaptone to the nearest watchmeher | woman whose meai 1 “Watches no good to Charlie Lee,” said he, @rades of everythi hb didn't know briefly, bushing it across the counter, “You what they were all over here working fixes him, eh? sore," Puck, was the reply. ‘For fear he might for- get them when the train got to Bast Malaria I stuck a few down his coat collar ae he went to sleep in hie seat. When the trainmen woke him at East Malarta the bustes down his back must have reminded him of the others I put on the seat before I eat him down on them.” “@uppose the traimmen dkin't wake him? Did you ask them to?’ “Ye T left a call for tim for East Malaria,” said Mr. Jarr. ‘You should see the last train out to those suburban towns. Anyway, most of those @ub- urbanites ere #0 used to steeping to thelr stations that they can get up, collect their undies and walk off the train and clear home without weking up." “Well, I suppose I should be angry at you for not letting me know what tained you,” seid Mra. Jarr.+ “But I only get all upset, myself, a it wouldn't make you do better the next time, Yet it 1s a good thing you did not bring him here ff he was drinking. Clara Mudridge-Smith was here, and in her husband's office Dialogues. Woodward, “Cheer Up, Cuthbert!” What’s the Use of Being Blue There Is a Lot of Luck Left By Clarence I. Cullen Copyright, 1912, by The Press Publishing Oo, (The New York Word), F you can't seize Opportunity, grab an Threatens to “End it -All” we F I Option! Pasted the feller in the eye with it! (Cyrif guits the action to the words). Mr, C, (coaxing butter from his eye- Jashes)—But—but— Cyeil (very exctted)—An'; then the feller don't want to etand for it, see, an’ he upe an’ lets fly « dish—yuh throw & saucer at me, Pa, an’ then I'll show yuh what happened, (or; O. sbesatmindedly, obers tnetructions an! CRrows the saucer, reeks fate, "aseay ‘Mrs, C.—Herbert! Cyw (rushing on dreathless)—An' when he lete fly the dish, the guy what used to be the waiter takes a whole armtul of dishes, just like this, Pa, and he don't do @ thing but decorate t! Iinoleum with ‘em, see? An’ when does that, of course it makes a fierce notse an’ the boss comes runntn’ out (tl fectly Safe in Leaving him Alon Going Home for a Sleep! The Trouble Itself doesn't matt; the Wriggling Out of it that Corro When the “They Sayers” begin to Let up on us we'll Know we've Hit the Tobog! 6ome Hard Luckers would Get More Sympathy | tdu't App be Expecting It! Pitcher @tampeded by that “Going Up!" stuff and ft Works the Game Way off the Ball Grounds! By Ascertaining the Cause you Head off the Effe him, an’ just then a bottle of ketchup gets mixed up in ft an’ the boss gets a bath, juet Uke this, Pa, only there ain't enough ketchup in this bottle fer a bath! An’ then— ‘Mr. C. (sopping up the rosy fuld with one of the best napkine)—Cyril, I don't want to hear the moral—I don’t want to hear another wor4—I— Cyril (not to be stopped)—An’ then it ended im the swellest rough house, an’ the waiter took the tablecloth an’ aingle thing, except what she does herself. But why didn't YOU get some rose bushes? Were they cheap?” hat could we have done with rose waked Mr. Jarr. “Grow them fire escape?" the people below us ie Always Hard to Listen To, less to Follow! Our Idea of a Sketch that Wobbies is “Letting Well Enough Alone!’ There's No Risk in Taking a C} {f you can Dope the Way Out you Get In! When you can't Land a Knock-Out It's Handy to Know How to Avoid One! We Dare Them to Prove that we long to the Idle Rich—but we wish ti Could! @f butter, just Uke this, Pa, an’ he “It you wait for roses till IT bring rose bushes you'll declared Mr. Jarr. whisked It off'n the table, just like this, Pa, and smashed every goMarned thing, |" an’ then— Mr. C, (gripping his exctted son)— Stop tt! Stop it, I say! Don't you dare utter another word! Cyril (peeved)—Aw! Didn' yuh ask me what the moral wuz, an’ don't a moral alwaye come at the end, an’ don't yuh have to do @ thing to get to the end, an'— Mr, C, (in despair)—Well, what WAS the moral? ‘ Cyril (Mowly)—I kind of, thought tt wus “A rolling stone don't gather no moss,” or it might ‘a’ been “People in glass houses,” or maybe, “Birds of a feather," —— ‘ Mr. C, (choking with rage)—Stop !t! If \! ever hear you asking your mother for a dime again to go to the moving ‘pictures I'll fx you, young man, I'll tx yout . cay be ig ‘The Clang of the Gong sounds good when they've Got you on the Ropes! Perhaps” is the best motif of Pauper’s Prelude,” When they quit Envying you you're in It's Mighty Eclipse! vied world Owes y {start out t0 Coite robbery, rowd: fanity and all of man's inhumanity to man, try bring- ing home @ bunch of rose bushes in the “Impecuntosity" 1s the Shabby Gentee! i 4 Being Broke! We've Never Met a “Lucky” If it wore Really True that “the worla| Who wosn't also a Plucky Onel takes us at our own Valuation” there pine wouldn't be Any Excuse for a certain] The Man who Knows How to Takk Kind of Smugsting! . Joke and a Wallop rarely hag Stan¢ for Hither! & The next Great E the Middle Ground and Tightwadith me train, but he was Jn smoker and she didn't know he was a till they got off at East Mal- From what we Know of Fellows who “Biuft thelr way thro7h Life’ we Be- Heve we'd Rather Work! she going to leave him?" he's taking’ her breakfast in bed and thinking it over, Jenkins says,” re- plied Mr. Jarr, “What a pity some mar- ried people can’t get along together. But married life isn't all rose bushes, at that.” And Mrs, Jarr agreed with htm, will DAseo n Prod! The Man whose ‘Pride Suffers a Shock” Sorely Needs the Jolt! We Hate to think of All the Time we've Wasted trying to cony Whenever ope of our Disconsolate|Perfeotly Right People of how Buddies reaches the geiet where be’ Wrong they Weres