The evening world. Newspaper, November 18, 1911, Page 10

ern TRO - . f - ESTADLISUED BY JOSEPH PULITZER. ly Except Sunday by the Preas Publishing Company, N« Published Detly Mace Suiey. 2 low. ew Tore RALPH PULITZER, President, 63 Park Row. 62 Park Row. J. ANGUS BHAW, Treas 5 JOBSHPH PULITZER, Jr, 8 3 Park Row. Kater the Post-OMice at New York ay Gecond-Class Matter Gudecripiion Rater to The Bvening|For England and the Continent and for the United States ‘All Countries tn the International and Canada, Postal Union. + $8.50] One Year.. + _.80/One Mont VOLUME 52.........45 CHANCE FOR A COMIC HISTORY. World Daily Magazine, ©, PLEASE LET ME CARRY THAT CHAIR Such Is Life. By Maurice Ketten. me 4 Saturad The Wee Copyright YX Aesculapius, the god of medt- cine!” ejaculated tie head pol- Isher, “but those were some op- erations — certain wizards of surgery performed at the Surgeons’ Conven- tion over in Phita- By Martin Green . by The Prev Publishing Co. k’s Wash he New York World). ry M.D’a need money for office reat em for the eupport of thelr families acutely that they will take amy kin of @ chance, Until the medical met take hold of the situation themesive: people will follow all Kinde of fakir: who make @ apectalty of attaching regu. lar practitioners. It takes nine tailor~ to make @ man, but it takes only on doctor to make his wife a widow.” laundry man, “they were cer- tetkiy wisters,| {A Running @tart j NGLISHMEN may take their pleasures sadly, but they do no But we haven't ‘ E always take themselves seriously. Nicholas Murray Butler ene ine nese] GG ALND it takes Col. Roosevelt ' unearthed a comic history of England when he was last in sons who were op- A peeen oan fa . Tiondon and wonders whether the time has not come to write a comic | CERSTAL ARSED orth ee take a| marked the head polisher. history of the United States. man’s insides out nowadays like they in my judgment,” said the teund: Wh t? The first volume was issued a century ago when take out the works of a watoh, brush|™an, “that eruption of the Colonel y not? he first volume was issued a 'y ag iq than: pire € c imassage and put | as only @ preliminary pop, #0 to @pea! Washington Irving published his “Knickerbocker’s History.” Ameri- them back again. ‘Th part peel del Ho pasa eee ae eee | ait un ewini ¢an humor did not die with him; nor did themes that lend themselves they Bat ali We echlio ot the ieee ten nee. eey to it pass with the Dutch governors; nor do the comic histor of tion in the newspapers, But we never| “The Colonel, you can Pe has a Bill Nye and J. D. Sherwood mect the case. Certain traits in the ‘AuLow: Me q Peds wens etone scheme of his own to straighten out the American character recommend themselves to humorous or satiric | To Picte UP Your speak of the result, namely, the under. treatment. Chief of these are the immense national vanity, the “tall | | taker. talk” which foreigners guess we borrowed from the Indians; Ameri- can prodigality in multiplying laws and parsimony in obeying them; | “moral yearning” legislation never intended io be enforced; clutter- | ing up of State constitutions with ephemeral statutes; enthusiasm for minding other people’s business coincident with slackness in mind- ing one’s own. Among the things which cither demand or permit humorous! treatment are the bluc laws of New England, the disappearance of | the “Minute Men” and “Sons of Liberty” the moment real fighting began in the Revolution, the attempts of John Adams and Theodore Roosevelt to bridle the press, Jefferson’s plan for amphibious gun- boats to be used either on land or water, the military strategy of the war of 1812, including the abandonment and burning of Wash- ington, the embarrassments of Jackson’s Cabinet over the social status of Peggy Eaton, the literary penchant of William Henry Har- rison for Roman senators and Greek tyrants, the leg-work done at} Hull Run, the carpet-bag and negro governments of the Southern States, the travels of Andrew Johnson and William H. Taft, Wall | sireet’s attempt to compromise Grant, Bryan’s “crown of thorns” | and “cross of gold” speech, the battleship cruise about the earth, | Roosevelt’s Guildhall speech telling the English just how to do it,| the “friendship” of Roosevelt and Taft, Champ Clark’s reciprocity | speech, the Anti-Masonic, Know-Nothing, Greenback and National * Prohibition parties, the consistent lack of humor of the Democratic | party, Republican “business men in politics,” the tub-thumping period , of patriotic oratory, the national banking system, some camp-meet- inge, many school histories, most river and harbor bills, and all political conventions. 7 O, ET NE CARRY THAT HANDKERCHIEF “It is strange, perhaps, that right at | time when the aurgeons in Philadel- phia were performing the most amaz- ing feats in the way of making picture Puzzles out of people and putting them | together, or stung a man with gold, wire and making a power house out of | his heart, that James Kwing, Professor of Pathology at Cornell University Med- foal School, came out with the state- ment that there is a growing distrust of doctors amont the people. Prof. Ewing tries ‘> point out the reason, but is not quite successful. | “To @ laymar it would appear that -@ leaders in medical and aurgical re- search arg too impetuous. They labor on a eeries of experiments that make a noise like success. Conscientiously, no doubt, and with no other object than | the alleviation of human suffering and |the prolongation of human life, they | turn loose their discoveries on the med- | teal and non-medical world. | ‘It ts unfortunately true that a heavy | Percentage of doctors ought to be en- | @aged in setting up pins in bowling alleys or eome similar intellectual pur- | sult. There is great danger in giving jinto the hands of auch as these treat- ments or operations that should be con- fined only to the skilled and learned jin the practice of medicine and eur- Present tangled business situation. Iv has {t all frdmed and will ease it onto us at intervals when he thinks the open- ings are favorable. “And take it from me, when the Colo- nel's scheme {s' finally exploded upon the free and umterrified electorate of these great and glorious United States 0! America there is going to be a big eur: Prise party. The surprise will come in the general realization that nobody wil! be able to work out the Colonel's echeme but himself. And if the people are favorable to the scheme, naturally they will have to be favorable to the Colo- nel.” eaaaaaaaaanaaananoaneed f An Even Break. j 667 SBE." said the head polisher, ] “that the chief kick -of the garbage collectors was that th: couldn't sleep in the daytime when th had to work at night.” “They had an even break with the y “There are too many doctors who are Rot wise to thelr profession. Too many This country may be producing a good deal of comic history without knowing it. b +4 —____ Me THE DEFENSE OF INSANITY. 6 NLY a desire that capitel punishment shall not be inflicted could explain the tolerance of elaborate attempts through is hired “alienists” and otherwise to interpose a successful «defense of insanity between the murderer and the penalty. ‘ Common sense prescribes for such cases the perfectly sound prin- ciple that if a murderer is sane enough to try to conceal his act or escape its consequences, he is sane enough to have the conse- est of the populace,” replied the ¢ryman. “We couldn't sleep sightd’ Te Dayvesr GOO Srorica, FHHAAALAALASASAALAAAAALLAAR ABABA BABA + Ss! forgot entirely." “But.* exclatmed the wife, ‘wh: Mr. Jarr Looks On at. co nals Were Twisted, it arnt tment Je, ae ‘ i < : 9° the wrong foot 18 never the right foot to foung’s Magazine, ‘Suburbia by Midnight.’’|. .: ‘you didn't Klek me!" "— kick under the table, aimed Hensy RPP Peer eee er pro ker, and i planation of this tangled seati- Wiebe Je eeciametion ot, tats te Bases Full. HE Atlanta Deppens and the Birmingham my way to the hotel, But you must‘ lamps lighted. It would be a moon‘ight excuse me, as I am tired, and it is late, | night, you know, only it's so cloudy.” Just before the three sat Milwaukee man and his wife recently re- 2 | Gold Dusts, ‘negro baseball teams, were upper io the German style, the ceived a call from an old friend whom they had playing @ strenuous game in Atlanta, In not eeen for yea: down to a litti one inning the Gold Duste had the bases full with ~ - ite, seial opportunity, whispered to) NO outs. An ebony-hued batter stepped qtences visited upon him: This applies to “gentlemen burglars” fortiaimo on a mouth harmonica, emote| and I never did care for thie ‘Folles| The Jarrs took the lantern. Mr.| her inusband:, ‘We have ouly three bottice af becr | Dlate. ‘The pitcher sent the sphere tortor exsctee 8 pon the air. Mr. Jenkins stood and| Bergere’ style of enterthinment—vaude-|Jenking bade them good-night and| in the house—just enough to go around. Don't! “One ball,” called the negro umplre, Agals ask him to have more. ‘Very well,’ answered tli husband, who chanced to be thinking of some-| ‘Two balls!" celled the umpire, Tthoag else at the time, Half an hour later the) After the thint ball pitebed, the man with the Tost, to his wife's consternation, aaked the guest | indicator shouted: to take more beer, ‘The invitation was politely ball declined, but stil! the host did not desi a dosen times the caller was urged to drink; a dosen. times he Cirmly refused, he had departed the wife took her husband to task, ‘What on earth made you persist so? Didn't i tell you there were only three bottles? Why did you insist upoo his having more beer, more béee! more beer!’ ‘Mercy!” exclaimed the husband, ‘i de bases b Uke @ bird dog. | the pitcher got busy. “That's Fred McIntosh,” he ead. got a hare lip, and that fellow can mouth organ to beat the band!" ‘es, we heard about him. He's the brother4n-law of the landlord of the Eagle Hotel,” said Mr. Jarr. “What do you say if we go in and get a piece of ple or @ hamburger eand- ‘wich, or something Mke that?” eald Mr, Jenkins. ville and food. rushed up the steps and into the lunch Of course, the gentlemen would not! wagon and joined the merry revels. hear of Mrs. Jarr going to the hotel! Mrs. Jarr, as soon as the door of Fast alone, but es Mr. Jarr said he knew the|Malaria's House of Mirth on wheels way to the hotel, he insisted that Mr.|closed behind their suburban friend, Jenkins drop in at the centre of gay life| took the lantern from Mr, Jarr, held it in East Malaria and enjoy himzelf for a| aloft after the manner of the Statue of while, Liberty, and, looking Mr. Jarr straight “You shouldn't realty have to take the|in the face, hissed at him through her lantern,” explained Mr. Jenkins, as he| clenched teeth: more or less reluctantly consented to} If you ever ask me to go to any “You men can go in if you wish to,”| this arrangement, ‘but, es the almanac replied Mra. Jere, coldly. ‘If you wit] says this should be e moontight might, give me the fantern, I euppose I can find our city fathers have not had the atreet a OLD-FASHIONED WOMEN, AND NEW. ry end e man who hed been on the faculty ef the University of Chicago to emit the nonsense charged Prof. Charles Zueblin. “No woman,” he says, “can 6 heme and be e good mother.” He thinks the “old-fashioned pwemen” fe “immoral” in the world to-dey. “How is she to safeguard ithe ebfldsen’s water, milk and food supply if she never leaves the trate must go t Whe eiiteshioned woman did leave her fireside at least long| “Oh, we mede arrangements to stop $0 ealtivate her relatives and friends, do the shopping, attend |{*,"'° Sut eases nate 08 She ers work in s sewing or missionary society, and perform in a| Mre. Jenkins affected to be hurt, |. veal, direct and human way the neighbor-tasks that the sociolo- cant! silenced! taper" he perform lees effectually in the university settlements. But her ven were her first care, and well she looked after them. ‘They > gue the frst care of good women now. ‘ Many new-feshioned women do not have children—poodles are Yous trouble; others leave their children in charge of some well-mean- tag reindeer-milker from darkest Europe while they mother strange ones ot long range; still others eeck to “safeguard the water, milk and food supply,” while they feed the baby on cold milk mingled. with unboiled water and let him accumulate colic on solid foods im- indignant, aan MRM veiled, "Me out?” Whah ye! eft | "Now, look a-heeb, man," eald umpire; be ott "Dey ein't pe foo fo" met es '—Young’s Magasine. Co. Somme. eR Rc “ Wi aren't you going to stay @ll night?” asked Mre. Jen- kdne of the Jarra, as the vie- {tors to East Malaria rose and = mur- Mmured that it was @o late they really If you ever ask me to Je om and take @ little place in the country I'M kill myself and then murder you end the children! ” And then, leaving her good man, abashed, to follow humbly behing her, strode ahead, swinging the lantern, until they arrived at the portals of the Eagie House. By thie time it was near midnight, and a high and bitter wind howled through the deserted distance of East Malaria. Far down the atrest the lights of the| | lunch wagon twinkled and the euburban Bohemian element ate egg sandwiches T haa and drank compound coffee and rois-| Knowing tha’ tered till the wee sma’ hours. moog. * At te The Eagle Hotel was dark and etlent.| Weeks the office manager Mr. Jarr hammered and kicked at the|2!most entirely. I was of value to him closed doors till toes and knuckles were|®%4 he realized it. My salery was gore. Finetly an upper window opened raised to $10 a week and they paid me and the landlord, in a surly voice, @aid | for overtime ° he would be down. Every one treated me with courtesy, Adventures of an Unattractive Gir] By Aima Woodward ; Fables of «” * Everyday Folks By Sophie Irene Loeb Copyright, 1911, by The Press Publishing Oo. (The New York World). the foreground who appeared to te & The Play-Going Joykiller. | gentieman was ‘going to be the real JOE upon a time there was a man|blackguard in the last act. who went to the theatre. It was| And how the pretty little girl who @ habit with him, In fact it was /just came in had played in another such @ habit that | pias: last winter which the mother or oat. And Mr, Jenkins chimed tn with an emphati 0, certainty not!" But in the end, both parties rather re- Moved at the arrangement, the Ji parted for Hast Mala: tel, Mr. Jenking pioneering around the mud puddles with ‘As they reached the main etr heard sounds of revelry by night. lunch wagon, standing on @ vacant lot, near the trotley tracks, shone in t! night like a good deed in a naughty Copsrtght, 1911, by The Pree Publubing Co, (The New York World). Castles in the Air. FTER I had been in my aten- ographer position for a week the satisfaction of had ¥ at night when I got home I was usually too tired to dress up and go out. So I really didn't miss the callera I might have had and the invitations that should have come my way. During one of the president's trips -bis brother, a man much younger than he, dropped in, He owned @ couple of large ranches in Southern California. I had heard of him, often. He was tall and muecutar, with a rather thin, tanned face. His voice wes charming—deep “made ‘ ° iy went cousin or the aunt had Ap cy Rd and full, wit i properly selected and inadequately prepared. pce I as EL Mey a AL evel teintin fees. oa lee “Waa there fauch going on et the owi| but none of the men ever hurg around |i fic) WAR ® Kinds almost tender, @!ca of Hobson, Dewey and Schley, came same play. Whereupon there ensued an argument lhe PAM Seaah pageos he asked, | ‘ings that I heard other stenographere| He talked to me for fulty ex hour 5 seenereeemenpden 208 raye of vivid red and blue Sights érom | BI adage whethe me Had bib ageahs grant to get| Mr. Jarr remarked that “Joy seemed | discussing at the Little restaurant I fre-| Just about little things—not shop. And ————————— Fecond time he| the mst of the show, unconsciously |unconfined” there, ‘The landiord stepped | Tented Never happened to me. I got s0 interested I forgot to be eelt- of « Livery Stable Trust in the town of Windsor, Vt. One of its atrocities is an agreed charge of one dollar for hauling personages from the depot to the elysian palace of that eminent At the end of two months the pres!- dent sent for me. I entered his private office with a certain amount of dread, For, even though I Imew I was valuable the company, @ formal interview out to look longingly down the street at East Melaria's one bright spot, when @ gust of wind slammed the door and enapped the spring lock behind him. And the trio were out in the cold street | to conscious. Then, after he had gone, I tried to remember his every word end look, On the way home I ¢old mywelf thet the only reason he hed wasted so much took his mother or sister or cousin or his aunt he firet time he went to the play keeping in mind what you knew was acoording to the forecaster in front of you, Between the first and second acts you could not help overhearing all that was CORRESPONDENT of the esteemed Sun reveals the presence A Good Training. the Hon, Norman (F.) Hapgood, in the adjacent New ‘ ; a ether. always meant to me a double conscious-| time with me was because, most Hkely, accurist, ea ‘ y pgood, in the adja ew Hamp. ’ ; not oay ations to come in the second act. together. ness of my phyalcal shortcomings. his dation had told him I wes e 4 shire hamlet called Cornish. It seems a trivial price for so vast a Po i Aes ‘And, as before, when the play was in nt Seer tal tnicaataretenttanmayés: | eerie service. LOEB body did, my heart was lighter than it hed been I was afrald even to tmagine it was process there was more continuous eniightment. He was the continual shadow before every event. He had the|{ Things Not.. °° .. °° eather man beaten by @ summer and —— ¢ ybody for some time. The president told me|enything about me th *. Lr ecaaiboaiaieans 1 lor ine petiort apes that the office manager hed reported trected him, at could have at- he made you notice him, You couldn't G rall K the splendid way in which I had taken] yet tn ' . @ winter. He was the unwelcome har- ene: iy nown hold, &e., and, after quite @ half-hour et @ next day he came in again, Letters From the People sh He sa ern ay mee eee oe see, ae toe ame hate tra se” tno hn ee coming, And you knew it too 4f yeulunti you were wonderlug if you had of commendation, announced that he wouldn't be there, and kept me leugh had decided to make me his private sec- ° retary with & ealary of 85-0 week, {iM fo" Batt an hour or more, And that night when I wae breidmg wanted to or not. Firet of all he told his mother or his come to @ new form of a “personally conducted” theatrical performance. By John L. Hobble. Another Plea fer Po, ‘To the Editor of The Evening World: yto “our dumb friends" the ery of “ | dog” on the etreets of New York wo 0} rdly watt to get home to tell : sister or his cousin or his aunt all about — Algo which was the worse—the former | THERE ts more pleasure in loving a| 1 could hai my hair before the glass Sal ve so many alleged | be as unheard of as it is in London, every member in the caste before the ribulations of pretty girl than being one, my mother, I urged ner to give up her he gs! I began to ‘The reason we he iy Li y trials and trib he big hat 2 dream dreams! The reflection of m rabid dogs in New York in that own- r curtain went up. How they were going )nuisance—or this? And of the two evils — position at the Exchange, but she re- y In the World Almanac, To the Eatitor of The Evening World Where can I find the marriage and di- vorce regulations of the various States? NEW YORKER, ‘nud Muller,’ World In what poem and by what author ers do not take auMolent care of their pete, No dogs should be allowed off the leash in the efty o7 if they are, whould be kept fn eight, The Humane Soaiety ought to provide drinking bowls on the sidewalks, This ie done tn England, where to come in in the firat e:t and what was going to happen. ‘There was absolutely nothing left to the imagination, You had the whow first act before the orchestra had had coased playing. After the curtain went up there were features mocked me. Who was I, ts dream? “But,” I argued, “even if dreams don't come true the wounds will be on my heart only—no one else will know," Then just before I went to bed I took out Edith's faded bouquet, the one that fused. Of course she wes overjoyed at my eplendid raise, and that night we celebrated by going to a musical comedy in dollar seate, with a rarebit at home afterward to top it off. I lived’ up to the president's faith in me. At times he'd go off on trips last- you would choore the lesser—the bigger hat. You Mgured {f the day would ever come when you could, in a similar man- ner, according to law, oall an usher and have this nufsance removed. But everything comes to him who OU will find that superior alr about any peraon who is in @ well venti- lated room. Lanerace ie the vehicle of thought and a few cocktails will make the wheels go ‘round, In Whittier's To the Editor of The Even ‘ : had fallen into my arms when I a i one or two things he had forgottm to| waits, And there's something coming 18 real or sen nye. oee loere ik rth en EB LREL. (38 S083 Ay ie of | 2008 fe Mine oceur, “It might have | mention, which he proceeded to men-|to the everlasting prognosticator, NCE upon a time many, many years| complete change of his affairs, And 1] 9% hee Bald of honor, And over the Water, which evtaptone arg often mine) Neene, in,rarponee to the sede words) vThe bridegroom weed to be a burg: |tion, una you aid not near the tines of] MO RA L — PROGNOSTICATORS ago there was a quarrel in which| enjoyed it. It's great for a woman to Mies X bullt stortoue taken for rabies, A dog in England hag either to be musaied or the own- and ja Mngt be on the lar, I'm told.” “What a cinch! He'll know how to get Into the hou the first speaker at all, But of course that did not matter at night with-| very much. castles in the air, then turned out the Ught eo that not even I could see the wonderful hope in my face! ° NEVER HEAR ANY GOOD OF THRMGELVES. SMALL REWARD COMES TO HIM WHO FORESHAD- Novemb, % only one party was to blame, To the KAitor of The Evening World: ‘What was the dete of Thanksgiving feel that, even out of her sphere proper, she can amount to eomething—be worth while! IRDS should always warry on June ‘nat : “ stiention were paid! Day in the yeur 1067 |. B, |out waking his wife. He went dn to tell how the fellow in|OWS EVENTS. is wid the first and men omApril the firet.| @ worked hard during the dey and (To-Be Continued.) ey +# us r 4 + °