The evening world. Newspaper, September 6, 1911, Page 15

The Evening World Daily, Magaz JELLo dime! Hatnatna! GOW! To CHINA? BRING Me Home some sloPcnewy } Ho! Ho! Ho! Yoo CERTAINLY Do WYRAY AWAY FRom HeARe —) Reminds ME OF The Time }. DROPPED Sov IN’ The TANK — HAHA! Commissioner, LEpNING Ts 9 net ‘Thy Neighbor's Wife’ Rather Trying on the Nerves. BY CHARLES DARNTON. ICTURE to yourself a “two-family house” such as you see in the real estate section of the Sunday paper. Imagine roses and a carefully trimmed lawn On one side of the low hedge and @ seedy looking front yard on the other. ‘Then go back and let your eye follow the flowering vine that climbs to the second- «story window. Fix your gaze upon pillows and quilts hanging out of that win- dow. Yes, they are being “alred.” Five o'clock and the bed not made! take a squint at the upper windows that look down upon the unkempt lawn. Perceive the neatly drawn curtains and see in your mind's eye the “perfect housekeeper” within. And then get ready for @ two-family row, For that's what we got at the Lyceum Theatre last night in the name of “Thy Neighbor's Wife," commended by the cheerful author, Elmer Harris, as a ' comedietta in three ac With the first act the eternal triangle gave way to the infernal quadrangle and the merry row went on and om until we went home to seek peace and te Wrangling must be a Joy and delight to some people, judging by the laughter heard at the Lyceum. This may be explained on the principle tnat misery loves eompany. But a company of only four people may become monotonous, Two and two made four-and an awful racket. There were John Rovbins and his wife Gerty, and Harry Miller and his wife Atice. John trimmed the lawn and Gerty trimmed hats. Harry was “swell” and Alice was swollen with the heat of covking good dinners for him. John was @lways hungry, but he couldn't got anything more than a smell of the good food next door. Gerty delighted im bedecking herself for the @-cent table d'hote. Harry liked her style and was ashamed to walk down the street with Ace. 60, to cut a long row short, the husbands “swapped” wi week, and after peeking virtuous couches downstairs came to the conclusion that thelr triel mar- < tlages wero an awful trial. It sounds scandalous, but It was merely suburban, A French author would have jumped at the chance that Mr. Harris took with due precaution. It was only an exper A as sudurdanites experiment with cabbages end turnips and other mora! thin The husbands entered Into a little conspiracy and the Sives put thelr heads together, and ev ing came out conventionally. There were no eurpr! in the open and carefully tai be EN Al eri WE ARE ‘TO THE Cir’ CAN'T POSSIBLY: DO OTHERWISE fore the audience. Lit ies ran through the original grass-plot of the Play. First the hus> mpare notes and then the wives would come in for a few lines, after whlch there be a four-cornevea argument. A good fea was turned over ond over again wasn't much left of It. For this! bs reason, ainons oThy Nett Arthur Byron kept up hi put on a pair of “pan without causing | hers, ather trying on the nerves, ve as John, and to please Gerty at for hit that he couldn't walk through the part reason for constantly saying ine, Wednesday, Coprrtaht 1011, by The Prese Publishing Co, (The Kew York World), REmMemeer— Simm? Haina’ Recorect Twat Time | wave You Pur ON YouR Rover SHaTes & Took You OvT OM Tue STaeeT & THROWED You Down & Tie€o YouR HANDS BEHIHD You @ Then move You Start oT @ 1 THROWeD Hwo AT You & PoHeo’ You — FELL AROUND! & HuocheD Some | Babbling Bess SOOTY 1 DIDN'T DO NOTHIN BuT I WONT po 'T AGAIN ! “Gee!” Frederic! John was a very Alice Miller decided to “sure suburban spirit. Miss Alice ceeper at first, and came out stunningly later when, tothes. inf » fol- Miss John’s perfo; lowing through the thickest of the do- stand; line ealicd out: at work striking off handbills offering | Beyond it, and out, the desert les,— syNorsi3 on abo DING INSTATSIR NT) “The mean thing!” &@ reward for our capture. ‘And far as the line of the tenting skies Pea gh Bs gg A Mos Ha I never knew whether she meant the| I have been asked what we do with “Phe ship of the desert” sails there at! yoy qom and 1 he held up tt other lady or me. the money we get. Well, I never could, dawn Fe ! , iva mites from When we finished our job we orderet jaccount for a tenth part of tt after tt first job ba jindering along rat a tank, rytagly nt very rode f was spent. It goes fast and freely, An| utlaw has to have @ good many friends, A highly respected citizen may, and of- to bed, told ‘em good at the door and left. fore daylight and In the sw! From violet seas, in the sunrise glow t 11.15 | polit But ide | Wwe L * Ate the coral reefs the mormen know Le a er ie Pigg ge Afar oties | then Bach one of ua ten does, get along with ver, , but a And the perfumed plains where the iris Ty went arouse t Wo lumped the :man on the dodge has got to hiave “aide-| grow, Little fun on the we scattered, | KtoKers,”” Out there where the wed of the gorsmer | in fre With angry posses and reward hungry | files, at kind of F bed ny Are " robbery and |omcerg cutting out a hot trail for him 0 irple telands rise; 4 About as easily done as ay Of je must have a few places scatte ‘The shoals of the pu hg eeations aie | the ones that followed. But that was 0) \ Mee tity eneeet ne. Cane eine olla Doves aise PART I, the last and only time I ever went aig food himself and his horse and get a fol | ¢ through the passengers. I don’t like #''" baleen without having to ‘And the sun goes down on a world of | aay HARE were a good many|that part of the business. Afterward T hours’ sleep without having to keep gold, | ) watches, bracelets, rings and |etuck strictly: to the express car. Dur |) bs ut . te In Yucca lend, | kotbooks, with a sprinkling |{ng the next elght years I handled a he fees & ain false teath, whiskey flasks, | 800d deal of money. with 1 bends Gown, a living} : ne hocotate} ‘The best haul 1 made was just seven erally When the moon ben J | OSE POxem choculate | years after the firat « We found put @ hasty visit g thing, | d heads of hair of various! aout a train that was going to bring Pefur . And the midnight stars are whisper! pits > The Yucca glade e poopled thea } also a uM a dozen ja aise ree stuck ! the ghosts |stock into which Jewelry, watches | LAL eed, k: With nainds and gnomes and the & and 1 « shad been etuffed and | [D4 ad Gaylight, His of men; it 8 near a little on then wadd Brom the inner earth, from the Every-/{)'0", ding the where, \r Devinn iat w \ roldiers were au ithe money. They come, and they walk in the moons | werg e warpath, Dut [oR the train, but they might just aay ght there. none to] Well have been at home on @ furlough. | The dryads etep trom the Yucca trees | We didn’t even allow thom to stick tet] he wavertn, 1 a goo ads out of the windo Ane Ler Witte arms ont BverInE | wrapped in a striped bi , [fun Wo had no trouble at it in sete : y F: n of the stockings | Ung the mon N Phere a pallid priestess counts her beads: Ue ene ind heave beet | Of Ours, & Yon arch to # Druid temple leads. that Se enappeil aul Riera! When twilight reaches her spectre end.) «7 You're not tn the|ernment stuff, and the Governmen The grimness of times Yucca land, women, are you” sarcastic and wanted to know | Now, ag thie wom our first hold-up, we | convoy of suid ay Aye; and yonder Yucca, whose grim/tiidn't agreed upon any code of ethles, | The only exou Ren net os shape warns, so 1 hardly knew wthat to answer. But,| body was expecting an attack among way, [ repl Well, not ae a specialty. $ your persenal property stealthy shadows, @ phantom ).v4 it ba m those bare sand daytime. don't know what ti thought about the that it was @ tn 1 ment I know Ie the cross of Him, and His crown of thorns ‘There ar If this con- you ean whir— “It Just does," she declared eagerly, | pie gurpris | The night vibrates with @ soundless stir; and reahed out her hand fur it the train-robbing b | ‘And, On, the siieacds!—co tonse, co terse,| "You'll excuse my taking & look at the nuniished all kinds ¢ Yqu can hear the heart of the universe. | contents’ holding the stocking {oeg, finally agree i The desert its mystery unbars Jup be 4 ed a big ger tween $9000 and $10,000, The Govern: fo you and the moon and the whispers |!) . | m nd wood, Flere are ing stars, lant Mc {tect fisures, printed for the first time In Yucca land. |as-onlibre revolver, and ¢ 18,000. If Anybody will take the trou ernie tna! could ha ble to look over Uncle Bam's private i The newness of earth in Yucca land, Dhe tang of tho first made gleam of sand; Not ever u plough profaned its ¢04,—~ The world is so new you could talk with personal property was a silver bra: worth about fifty cents, I sald ‘Madame, hi handed her the lon, “how can you that Httle de>it to prof vill find that I am righ By that time we were expert ¢@ |to know what to do. We rode due west God ea twenty miles, making a trai! that a In Yucca land. ‘ have Madge Morris, in Lippincott’® @¢ euch conduck” lowed, and then we doubled bacis, 4 - " to square with you when you try to de- ceive us in this manner? l'm gurprised Broadway policeman could expect us act “Well, you leave the office early “The boss kicks because | come to work 80 ae: Ives away by showing too m ch mon. | man ho {s a dead shot and who Won't September 6, 1911 Ala! Ha! L PoKeo You with A Stick With A PIN OF (IT —Ho!Ho! Sin. Busteo Lavenin’ aT The WAY You MASHED YouR NosE IN Tue ENO TEETH OUT= HAHA Gcene--Conrsd Court. Charsstere. Janitor and Janitress, RS. D. (sollloquiving)—Oh, dear! M I don't know what's the matter with that janitor—I've been call- ing fifteen minutes It's an outrage! I'd like to know what I'm paying rent for! Mrs. W. (hastening to eympathise)— Yes, I don't know what's gotten into that man the last two or three days. We've never had any occasion to tom- plain before. Mrs, D.—Janttor—janitort Jantress (anawering)—Yes, ma'am? Mra, D. (with great rrath)—Well, ite about time SOME ONH answered—here I've been yelling my lungs out for fully fifteen minutes and not @ sign of an anawert Janitress (meekly)—I'm eorry, ma'am —but my husband bas went to the bas ball game an’ I wus cleanin’ up the collar. Mra, W.—To the baseball game! Well, of all the nervel—I didn’t know jealtors went to Baseball games! Janitrems (very moekly)—No, me'am— dut they do. Mra. L. (Jotming the pink tea)—Grest ‘Heavens! Do I hear baseball again? I thought I'd have a little peace trom that everlasting subject during the day’ when men folks are downtown. Mrs. D.—Downtown? I'd like to know what percentage of our three husbands 1a downtown t now. I'll bet they're al! at the game this minute. Janitress (stil! more meekly)—You'd win, ma'am—they are! Mra, W. (coKly)-4How 40 you know? Janitress—Well, I don’t think es I should tell, ma'am, but my man tol’ me he got to go to the game to-day "eo they wus an important bet on with your three husbands, ‘Trio (with crescendo emphbasis)— ‘Whaat? Mra, Ie (vanquished by ourtosity)— What was the bet, do you know? eens mestic fight. is Pamela Gaythorne 3 sevice |) 3 O. HENRY’S Last and hort Stories. ¥ gounded out of place, but when ° n es > cried her face was a comic picture, ab I bow to last night's laughter and | a Ay aera ing our tracks. On the second night) foor, ving whethe: con+|course, supposing that they are old-; I will give one instance to eupport my | 4 scouring the country in every direc-| thousand, and courage, They have the outside} card in playing for @ hold-up. | Ea tion, Jim and 1 were eating supper In| When old-timers make @ big haul they|and are protected by the darknesa,| Along in ® the Daltons were cutting In Yucca Land. | the by ‘ond story Rod My grille y eg generally go far away to one of the bis) while the others Hn In the laht, ay au & gS ol . ee -— . Ps 7 , t own where the alarm started from. | cities: ‘apend Wy f zs nee pera ad, ‘exposed, 4 HE rim of the desert ts Yucea lands) op Correllseal in hon farm ater tape, ti.) [Rad been, cant doing, somersing. ee | aut te tar in an of [hands osm {tele money atap| the. moment. they show a head. at|thelr lucky dayw, and they got eo reck- T pena Ua ner pee tee ‘ Be ee eeae casas, Gino [fice across the street, @ printing press|they make, nearly always give them-|a window or door, to the eim of a/less and sandy thet they used to an- nounce beforehand what job they were t gol f ndertake, Once they gave Near the place where they got It. Jhestitate to shoot. going to un T was in a job in "M where we got} Hut, in my opinion, the main condt-}1t ONf Shas say Figg Rade A | twenty thousand dollars, We followe!|tion that makes train robbing easy ts h y Our favorite plan for a getaway-—that is,|the element, of eurprise in connection | St the atation of Prvor Oresk, (a Indian doubled on our trailand laid low for aj with the imagin time near the scene of the train's had fon of the pas: pngers, If vou have ever seen a horse that had ‘Territory. ‘That night the ratiroad company got luck. Gne morning I picked vp a news-|caten locoweed you will understand | Mtteen Sepoty ne, id bed ms Pd pa and read an article with Tay thatthe page |S Dut tiers oe ee eied moan tHe ti headlines stating that the marshal, vengers met loc nae bores: bee wiry bg § os agli: eight deputies and a posse of thirty | the awfullest I1 on him in the} the depot at Pryor (we armed citizens, had the train robbecs| world. Yr ax him to cross) When the Meaty Piper puted t@ Set rounded in a mesdulta thleket on the la. ite eat et wide, |& Dalton showed up 0 neat station RRHEGAEAAA ANAC Iowan acalinineAtaE | aoe eee tha Mussisaipoi| Wax Adatr, atx miles away, When the SRS orcs trent scoured fot ee DiS tO: Sa ae PPI erwin reached there, and the deputies & Saw Hours wh PS ee way with the pas.|Wore having & good time explaining n ; ; pata Just ey eens a hundeeg| What they would have done to the We must have been killed in that mene |aonger. tio thinks there are & | We@ | Dalton gang if they had turned up, al « e et, ” can mak an affie|}men ye = and i) - Lae \) 6 it sounded Hke an army fir davit that w e didn't surrender n aybe there @ ‘ hao que rll The ¢ luetor and brakeman Now T proponn to tell why it And the _ fothanea toakey running into the car yelltn up @ train an nol! » ine | ain robbers!" ld ever do tt : nt, although he may ; passens' oun | Some of those deputies Mt out the » first place, the at s party |do mean litt S, like hiding & W89) adoe the ground, 1 kept_ on the advantage. 8, of of m runni f them hid thetr Win- Sto dig-up until y hesters under the seats, Two of them Jwith the end made a fight and were both killed. | there'a no harm tn him t ser T Mose vanals 1 ever and Iw killed the of a warrant age nd travel hund @ fugitives and th bills with ti aw of mileage rather than courage. 8 q and Is ¢ late.” jough to make up for it” ton | that coward 1 ear the train robber Ke swear 0 Is that those deputies Cup a stife ight at Pryor they were on t Adair, Just as the wie Wale Wie teat cae . 1 « ‘ I « L ought to slose with : Ak abnk GPUs rea eae Wie re eight years ‘on the t 1 ‘ qu jon Bt eles eines acdc cn p, viding day and nigh and © te y the taste of high life when 8 that hie time te bound to | that the accuracy of his aim, the apeed | , his and the Midelity of his 1“ ts all that postpones the tin- evilable e Dumbwaiter Dialogues — By Alma Woodward — Copyright 1011, by The Press Publishing Co, (The Mew Yoh Waerld). “Mra, Duns, Mee, White, Mma Lea | you") t] whilst t Janitress (taking her have to as your (Slams door.) Mire. D. (first to recover)}—Well, Seats ‘Why a ict of men over & field Itke « lot of ticklish on hot griddien are amusing, I Mra. W. (sa, jely)—Well, for ter of that, will we women EVER see what amuses the men? Duo (savagely)—No, we will not. Mrs. L.—And here I've been trying te jet @ hat for two weeks—just a five dollar ong, because I don't belteve in getting an expensive one this late mm the season—and I haven't gotten it yet. How much do those baseball seats cost? Mrs, D.—I sew the sign once. It said “Seats from %o to $1.60.’ Mrs, W.—Well, they've got the dollar and a half ones, all right And I need & new pair of velvet pumps. I have to pay five dollars for them because my feet are delicate. And Mr, White kicks Ike a steer every time I mention them. Mrs. L.—And seeterday was my sie ter's birthday. And she gave mes cut- glass bowl that cost five dotars for mine, And I wanted to give her one Just ike it, but Mr. Lee wouldn't hear of ft. Gala he didn’t contract to aup- Port the whole family when he married i ac. Mrs. D.—Well, you just wait ti! MY man comes home. If he's been sitting in @ dollar and half eeat this afternoon he won't enjoy his dimner—met if I have anything to do with it! Janitor Goyously from cellar)—Did any of you ladies want me? Trio (eagerly)—Did you eee our hus- dands at the game? Janitor (easily)—Yea, ladies, And, thanks to them, my: missus can have her new hat and velvet pumpe that she's been wanting so long. ‘Trio (parrot-like)—New hat and velvet pumpa! Janttor~We bet, you know. Breoklyae welloped the Giants. Brooklyn's my home town, you know, one ‘W. (faintly)—How mach wae the t Jamitor (chearfuly)—Wive aplecc from the gentlemen, Mra. White; Aftess 2 allt helps a lot. ur Mre. Ww. fuaband give you five dollaret Mrs. D. (with rage)—Do you masa ¢o tell me that MY husband gave yeu @ve dottars? ‘Mra. 1. (choking)—Dia 3 dollars from MY bosbend? bad Janitor (feartully)—Yes, ma'am, Trio (with cold, murderous Watt TILL THUY GET HOME! —_———___ Sentences From Famous Prayers. LORD, thou hast made us fer O thyself, and our seule ere un auiet until they rest in thea— St. Augustine, Go with each of us ¢o our rest; if aay awake, temper ¢o them the houre ef tching: and when the dey returns eal! us up with morning faces and with morning hearte—eager to labor, eager tu be happy if happiness shall de eur portion—and if the day be mested for sorrow strong to endure ineR, L. Stevenson, Mako us of quick an@ ¢ \- sctence, © Lard, that heeratag may follow every suggestion of thine in- dweling sptrit-—Christina G. Rossett!, of life can hurt us but little and the cares of life vex us not at all.—George Dawson, Lit my @oul above the weary round of harassing thoughts to thy eterna! presence, Pusey, Aa thou hast given to us @ life of ‘igh vocation, so may thine own breath- for us its hate Martin sacred opportunttt © eternal lent! eternal goodness! 4 O eternal power! be thou our sup- Eternal wis: lark 3 of our tgnorance, Kternal pity, ve merey on us.—Acuim (A. D, 780). t too mall and unsatisfying, er thou Ddestowest upon me, om thyself; or revealest to me thou art not seen; or promisest ya are not obtained.—Thomas kkempsis ° a Do nish me, T beseech thee, by gran that which T wish If it would | y love, which IT would have ive in me,—Ste, Theresa (A, D. t in us love, that we | selfishness and hatred ers, Henry Alford, | ‘Lord, L know not what T ought to sek thou only knowest what I lovest me better than I know how to love myself, Teach me to pray. Pray thyself in me-Francola de la Mothe Fenelon. Let me never consider my true ss as depending on anything taae can befall me outwardly, but as cons sisting altogether In conformity to thy Will.wslemry Maptym. —