The evening world. Newspaper, April 1, 1911, Page 10

The Evening World Daily Magazine, Saturday, April 1, 1911. The MBE Wiorld Can You Beat It? te eas Daly Except Ounday bythe Brews bitshing Company, Noa. 53 to 43 By Maurice Ketten. N€onfesions Of a Mere Man rk GANGS SHAW, Pros. and Treas, JOSET I PULITZER Jontor, Beo'y. 63 Park Row. 68 Park Row. Claas Matter. Bnvored at the Post. Office at New York as Secor A Ciate Metter, | a - Transcribed ——— evening 4 ‘and the Contin = 7 eS a the United States in, the International GEE WHIZ, WISH Honest ! oy \ OYou Smarty. 4 ead Ca $2.40] o0e Soar Union my) (I HAD THat HAT | AFEWER A isl GN By Helen Rowland fon 0) One Mon eeNeLIeeveueyy. pa | ! “ aaa asap SENT THAT Coprrant eee Leys et reruns er NAV ON OINO), | i secre cee MAT To You, \csaiband ae scab teberclhires 5.—My Ideal Woman—and Every Man’s. READ somewhere a few days ago the horrible prediction that LOVE te getag I out of fashion! Is this a threat or @ promise? I call @ promise, a delight@al sign of modern sanity, j What {a the use or beauty of iove, anyhow? I uum) “Jove” in the popularly accepted sense; that glittering ture of pink Might, propinquity and passion, @ll the follies and tragedies end mistakes of fife; thet DRUG FRAUD CASES. ITH the arrest of certain druggists charged with unlawful practices in the sale of medicines the exposures made by The World begin to show their value to the community. They are not to pass away as a mere sensation in a nine days’ talk. They are to serve as a basis for a genuine campeign of protection against all violators of the law to the end that the public may be protected hercafter against this dangerous form of commercial dishonesty. A calamity like that which caused the death of so many men 7 qmf women in the fire of the Asch Building is 0 appalling in its Go UPSTAIRS ANO \won't BITES d (7M NO SPRING CHICKEN Gharacter as to ehock and startle the whole community into horror, SUN ARE cetet ARTE TRY MiSs. MAC Trey Miss Sie WIN STAIRS but the silent, insidious death epread through the city by dishonest —_ TurRo FLooR Grogs administered as medicines passes unnoticed. It excites no @arm. It arouses no fear. Yet it may Kill more people than all izes and accidents put together. We are going to safeguard the worker in the workshop. We Most also eafeguard the invalid in the sick-room. a Voy THE WORST EVER. CCORDING to the Weather Bureau the month just closed was the worst March on record. On one occasion it crowded sunshine and rain and thun- der and lightning and wind and hail into a single day. On several other occasions it swung the ther- | mometer up and down like a monkey on a stick. i i iH i t has lost the “calm equilibrium,” eighe one; the ‘ tivity,” the “unconditional yielding,” which constituted subtle fascination. | Oh, babbling bromides! The ‘calm equilibrium” of the CAT! The “uncondl- tional yielding’ of the ecta pillow! Tne ‘receptivity’ of an empty heed! bless the girl of to-day if ehe has fost these! For, if she has usurped a few of man’s prerogatives, comforts and privileges she has acquired along with them | the two rare and fine things which we possess—our sense of honor and our sense of humor, She {s as much of an improvement over that ‘sweet, old-fashioned” | whited sepulchre who didn't know @ code from @ cat or a joke from e jar, as the | Lusttanta over the Fulton steamboat. | She hes ten virtues to the old-fashioned woman's one. The latter kni | more of the higher virtues of friendship, of honor, of generosity than a white kitten with a pink ribbon round its neck. She was a hollow mockery, who wore |her mock modesty and her cheap sentimentallsm pasted all over the OUTSIDE, wiitle the new-fashioned woman wears her modesty and her sentiment,on the INSIDE, where they belong. That 1s the difference. And f the modern girl has lost that “subtle mystery" for which the eenti- mentalists wail, and which covered such a multitude of #ins and hid a hobbie@ | brain—wel!l, old chap, let's forgive her for the sake of her brand new eense of humor, For ast, we can laugh WITH her instead of AT her! Do you know what that means? It means that we men are no longer doomed to go through | Ife Cassandra-like, fated to be misunderstood. For, it ts the ability to LAUGH TOGETHER more than any other one thing on earth which has made chumship, companfonship and equality possible between j eo nd women. Oh, spect dd di tand the modern woman; we : : ; , \ SHEE ZHU VUSISH YI cextetanea’ aise vontsundgeateoat the oldccastioneds womeh, “ales wan eorebiee The one thing we expected of it and wished of (Ve BEEN FOOLED ONCE | HAS THat HAT thing: the gitl of to-day {s our PLAYMATE! And what man wouldn't exchange $8 was rain; that is the one thing in which it fell ehort of the aver- To DAY. THAT'S e = babsktel Meme itis kine a {ness that the modern women és eup- -. In everything else there was superfuity. ENOUGH What was this much-lauded “womantiness” that the m 1P- posed to have lost, anyway? A bundle of cheap, o surrounded iron prejudices, contpletely ffectation, ignorance and deceit. I never saw a eo-called ‘“‘wom- n et Who wasn't Busy using her claws. It's not “womentiiness,” but femininity that we adore and admire, And so long as God continues to make two sexes woman will never lose that. No matter what she does, whether ene votes, or plays golf, or wears trouserettes, she will do {t fn curves and circles, and wea frills, It isn't what she does, but HOW ehe does it that makes her fascinating! As for me, I do not want to be “lured” into matrimony. I want to go into tt with my eyes open, When I come to choose a wife I don't want @ goki brick, but a clear-eyed, golden girl, whom I know and understand. I don’t weat @ a cat in the bag; I want a chum, a friend, @ pal, « partner! I want a woman who can see @ joke without having @ hole put through {t; a WOMAN who will laugh with me, play with me, stand by me when I'm down and cheer me on when I'm up. And this filmsy delusion which the word calle love!’ She and I will cast ft to the winds and build our House of Metrimeny the rock of friendship—build {t high and beautiful, until {t towers to the stars. we can climb up hand in band to the roof, occastonally,end dream emia ¢ clouds without the tormenting fear that our castle may come tumbling éown with a crash, : ‘ - . ad a saat en — ae Give me the mirl who can do this—the Modern Woman, God diess her! Thee s my {deal—and every man’s. The Week’s Wash. By Martin Green. ‘Time I See You'-He ts Diind. An aye ‘Ti Pay You Saturday 4¢ Copyright, 111, by The Pree Publishicg Co. (The New York World), The publication of the detail of these facts by the Bureau shows | @ast while its forecasts are dubious its records are accurate. This | eet justifies its existence and almost palliates its expenditures. We! @ not know and it cannot tell us what awaits in the April days @head of us, but it is some consolation to know on official authority | we have passed “the worst ever.” ——-+-—__- __.. A NEW ON Y the New York County Lawyers’ Association at the annual meeting there was adopted a resolu- | tion: “That the committee on discipline of the! association be directed to inquire into the practice | of corporations undertaking to conduct litigation for others, and to report what ateps if any should be a taken for the enforcement of the law.” | Mr. Jarr Encounters a Poet Whose Only appears that corporations, not content with absorbing a| Sorrow Is That He Cannot Write Poe try weeful and necessary businesses of life, and even those of all luxuries, | fem theatres to the hatracks of cafes and restaurants, have now | to pick i “Sure!” aid Gus, with a faraway look, 1 ‘It wouldn't rhyme then, Qegun pick the plums of orchards that lawyers look upon as the, By Roy L. McCardell. Le Waser teeta ie yearn |Jare, "Spoll it, altogether peculiar property of their profession. 6 1 E you was? asked Gus, |agone. Sure! I wanted to have a mon.| _“T' Gus, feelingly. jan Corporations have no right to practice law, but they have an W the genial (sometimes) pro-| key to take home because I a 5 t something it ain't no) t He’ toany,” fe-lan impression prevatis tn A! y that prietor of afo on the; have no other ttle brother or ¢ ritten for me iv) “Yes, ‘yes, I narked oud polisher, | the passage of maxuma from one to an- <a Tight to hire lawyers. Have they also a right to hire Hy Chim! You know. But, by gollies! (here where is there to have handed Mr. [other (one being a mem> the Leg- @ lawyer to serve their patrons? ‘The issue I ain't seen face lit up with a smite) T used to hole | aking Charles F. M ire) wont probably result in court Wilion dollar litigati P s? The issue is not a pleasantry, A for @ long {ier und choke und kick und bite for alain “Wasn't Hans Sachs, Q & wallop the roceedings of a painful nature ollar litigation trust would be : [Little monkey brother, but I don't can asiness got to do with | singer ve ces of wht “Don't ask me, | have one T guess I make enough mon- | poet * asked Mr. Jarr, asked Gus. su {t seems years and |Keyshines myself then, what?” | ‘at's got a lot to do with some bust-! Why, I used to st years ago sitive 1| “It reminds me of the alphabet |ness,” sald Gus. “With some other busi- | maker's st last’ beheld the|rhyme,” said Mr, Jarr, ness it ain't got anything, Look, tall kood Gustavus” |"G. was for bad ; ; a thing to make lawyers start | @anion and apply for admission to the federation at ones, | + MR, SULZER'S PROGRAMME. | ring down thi rdors of p history in State for years to come.” L Fixing the Blame. 7 re HINK there !# any chance’ of in the saloon busi- ry in . f anybody being punished for sald Mr. Jarr, Ww ci SD Saar he a4 there ain't none." ‘What etry? asked Mr. the loas of life in the Wash- = Se “Now there y 1 Mgt ly mend was going to speak, but Gus | Jarr, re dis * asked Oo r ‘ Vor they thought they wong peak, bu a asked the head IN SMAN SULZER, addre. ing the members go.’ erled Gus All the monkey they eared n Gus- | wav out in his = of the Cotton Exchange at the Waliontl aati of vishly n't slays ee i recited pve lke to a degree to cause ‘body ing " : Shae vou be @ sensivle| “Now there t@ the first time 1 ever {in ua watts ted to lose sleep," ans te C: the coming session of Congress: “What the people {fee rs sou want to give me my In heard you saying something vot had|Days Mitout vo Camels Here is a man vot vy had: file: ows rene an typloal o form want is to be let alone. I think I can pledge | #1 name it ts Owg mm something in tt Intelltge: sald Gus, ‘oming I My Place.’ But that| [0 make or mend your : Neen a { government to hold an investigation £C | Not Gustavus? No 1 the Saxon, |qravely, “Generally you talk insenaible, | ain't poetry. It's @ amart thing, undt Bee Onde Be eee the New York delegation to opposition to any in-| or At every @pportunity. Instead of safe- terference with business. ‘The extra session should | tave* guarding lives we for se IMs reputation hat reason.to himself, but we say the Germanic, Gus-| Wil you write ft down for me and you Kets a chuckle with laughger out of asked Mr. Jarr, “Were you never ; change © say ‘Chee ts for giad little | it, and so is that about ‘Treat dr Travel’ |bartendery and balladry ve been largely ene > go not ; fs . called Guataye when a boy? Owgoost?’ " ah abide ant akin ate ? ¢ the past few days in Al- pass the reciprocity measure and adjourn,” Tate ict MLL Ad Wk $110k DA Gite | ee erecialE seintecinces rnennternsiora Wee! she yuh. What: Hag’ tt ebeys "One. of a ee a aged arare bg at a emall ein j . of ~ Programme thus outlined it may be said the principle |se when 1 was a admitted | | Gus surveyed cally. it phir yu ; is w ay ig eepishly 1 she \looks fine,” he it's got a swell |! a pineal | right, but the method is wrong. ‘The people do wish to be let what was took of Md oe : a pl robbed by tariff ‘a9 4 little feller, I got my ha migimscas {Each of These Jokes | "om. 1 was; und m i 2 HAT the nature of humor has| 7. 4 that had nearly been| 3 Timber vably will never know the|#omeboly after lives have been lost ta not attered greatly in the past| drowned while bathing, declared that he | ,* wanavaots |Adontity of thts concealed boss, Doubt | asked Mr. Jarr, { Afteen centuries, enys the] would never enter the water again till | at publi i" less few of the insurgents knew when| “The facts are that “To the Z dean Gardens, where | Scrap Book, may be ascer-|he had learned to ewim. the strings controlling them were pulled |?9d light and windows on two ete, Democracy the animals what Carl Hagenbeck used ) tained from a perusal of the] & During a storm the passengers on or even knew when sald strings were|¥98 eduipped with the fre-escape re . ot in Africa and didn't kill and { Jokes given herewith, which are taken] boapd a vemel that appeared in danger > Berlin was," explained \ from @ volume entitled “Asteta,” whose] selged different Implements to ald them done. They wish to be no longer annoyed and @actions on food and clothing and all other no Whey wish relief from unjust taxation. ‘That is wh when they voted the Democratic ticket lust fall. ‘That is what they wean now. f A complete revision of the tariff is not expected. It could no We accomplished while the Senate is Scene but oe ied by progressive Republicans can and the worse iniquities of the*measure, essaries of ala t they meant sm tn the |qutred by law and was inspected should do something to fastened on. The contest in this State | 5 w for the United States Sei orship shows the authorities @s regularly as any alm. : Reciprocity with Can- « ological Gardens,’ corrected [Authorship ts commonly attributed to] in swimming, and one of the number se- | that the old school politician who plays | !lar bu It 8 @ matter of expemt- will not be enough. Democracy must make , ; Mr | Hierocles. He wi onic writer, ed for this purpose the anchor. the game with cards bearing marks that anie 18 generally the camse acy must make an effort at least tn't It what T etd? reptied and devoted his psophy ‘A fool, ache and a bald headed st . fe when a happening fi te give the peo ale untaxed fe od ° ain wha But w t t ‘ 1 & barber nd a bald-h read from Niag Falls to Mon- F Ra Aappening in @ i ayer vod, Gu l used to ny groasmu at whe! Me man travelled together. Losing their n oing the way of the horse ace starts an beings en Si is § inva tc a5 to ate Bonshor ther's we way) they were forced to sleep in the rush to safety. Put a thousené G 8, be Sar od tt eo |J0K® Which won ude-}open air; and, to avert danger, it was jen and women In a ten-acre lot our ; 5 Raa ville houses of ¥ um might-and| agreed to keep watch by turn rhe fence pleroad by figty ' x 1 Mr, |!n ao Lses does—serve the same end ell first on the barber, who, for them Into a pemle vt in this ¢ whitened age. shaved the fool's head them would break 1 - hanna at t ‘ath y ’ 4 die then woke h rs ane j nthe way out, We a! otice Gus «an fntimate go fs ne nie hand io arp et nie head, pe we 10 sof life in factory fires SvAtLton ina Aehtnt ean! claimes ere's a pretty mistake {spite of all protec Qe Keiv0r of The Evening Worl Many |" : I heant that you were] Rascal, you have waked the bald-head- | | euse eit cereiastive seg pee: Te reference to the great and pitiful and said the other, “y« ed man Instead of me rie ae coll ant ae five disaster, I should like to give a em | ravenna | omnarnnspanannemey 1 do not know how that! 10, A gentleman had a cask of fhe | ¥ visits ‘Wtle suggestion which might add to e tr f . i a replied the first, “you are @)wine, from which his servant stole a One he watery of the employees of the large would Hedeville my infor | large quantity, When the master per- ceived the dafeiency he’ diligently in- s |spected the top of the cask, but could | vany that metory buildings of this city. Dont Feaders think that we girls wh ay Editor ‘ay close | Tees 1 werk in factory dings and struggle ° 1 h 449 D2 1 no traces of an opening. “Look if eee le I SUPPOSE,” said the head pet : y Joho u. ’ e tehe Agirvclt fer our days’ labor should be " what idee eae ‘ are he note hole dn the bottom,' paid (sie mt isher, “that If you were caugiet he same as thos who go to i thea A iat "ato Khead,"” ho replied, POP SHORTS SAYS: ; | Pt eee, a Be fren hen i ly via | PVK HENDERSON. sa . in omen is |] HIS. WIFE HAS THE QUICK: CO rane itera fhe same as in theatre ta original § k {to be whipped ain't y f 1 wot the letter | ————— \|| EST EAR FER MUSIC HE then socked cuaan ut T woulda’: remain in the Re oe ae teen nak hig | (0 40 ls lo. sak for « M2 pies a foster Fa olde ‘ ay English Mormons. ||] EVER SEEN ‘CAUSE WHEN ny “gueaton, We rerel migh , ah , ts jected ta Aas YRMONISM {so making suc , summestio “ ° eee ere yee the oa ? c inal prescription be, (meta th ’ aske} the ql sine ie M rapid tn aE in Tira and ‘s THERES A NOTE OF s would fre to a packs Pee... FOTN EE | vounding ehentat, but | ai so tong since {have been sisk that 1] Na recently a conference was eit] |) DISCORD IN ANY FAMILY everson the other hand, {nie ai he ta Prosesipiia {iss a0 ind can have an | KE REYNOLDS _ David am aanamed a physician in the 1 ressiie committee ot the! || IN THE COUNTY SHE CAN say iat_we know men Zewish to nay in re S.C. LLOYD, | the ea als would cl san adui 4. A man, hearing that ar rion of Women Workers, at TELL IT IN A MINUTE who aln fro mA FOB Whe writ s oy ' lilwa twa rlred wears houg 4 . 8 ae a @¥igina! preser 1 Pridoy, —s | AULS is atihe pers ‘i P 1 ew ir in jeer ne tru as ase a hy s 4 In The World at ee j ; ry eert a ad} days. It ia r vot| boi y four yea is \aranapan ‘ - — ean meetings. Other statiation show nosure is the paramount dread in - As the se 4 grandso of The Evening World F men smoke to rest their brains it {9 |#Poke to you last night in a dream." lhaa visited the homes of " posure is Pp inet ‘ @ Well-known druggints for fifty years can I find a list of the different | eagy to see why there ts euch 4 big | “Pardon me," replied the other,’ "I did strangers, given away 116,422 books and e times of prying investigators and years, wh: lore @Brookiya 1 wish (o state that doctors | nations’ battleehipe? RUBLIC, | sale for little cigars, pot hear you'’: 10 mendard church works. newapaper reporters. For eome reason tinuous service in the Sen. ! ' . dn Jest ' “