The evening world. Newspaper, July 25, 1908, Page 7

MAGAZINE STORY SECTION. She biel ([“Ctrenlatioa Books Opea to Ait” | NEW YORK, SATUR No. 8 in the Series of 20 Wives Described By Barton W. Currie : | ) HW men appreciate women's genius for neatness. anti order, Bewer husbands can apprectate this commendable feminine trait when it becomes ob- Most home providers are satisfied {f their ‘The orterty wife sees to this, whether ehe does it ) | CboOON herself or treks around after the Big Swede and sees | that ehe does ft. But the Too Orderly Wife, Heavene! | She has the household mapped out Ifke a military ¥ chart, The chatre possces a geometrical ratio of dis- 2, tanoe and angle to one another, The couch is drawn wp like a forbidding redoubt, the I!brany table fs an tmpfacable fortification and the books and lamp on % are fixed and set. “Till Slip It Right Back to You in the Morning. I’m There with a Bundle in the Other Suit Big as a Summer Squash’’— —>—. All the Touches Ever Made Compiled and Classified, By Clarence I, Cullen, Author of ‘Tales of Ex-Tanks." H sees you away, | In the phony jew- No, 1—The Hurry Touch. when you're ebdout a block rud- | bering at the thing elry window or glancing at the 1 OQODDODQHYGODODDODDODHO 2OOIDDHOHHGVSEGOGOIAGHS Ever Had a “Hurr BapprGo-Lucky Harry comes home te bis tremendously tidy dride and throws himself into a chalr, Instantly Marriot emits a piercing soream, The chaly has been moved +16 of an inch off ftw designated centre, She looks at Flarry’e boote and almost swoons, He as failed to dust them on the door he hae thrown down his for tt “Harrlet Emits a darlings?” she begins on him. The! honeymoon has not yet passed Into nebulous distance. Later her dulcet tones sharpen and Harry — gets, | r-reese! with a ng falsetto fon. “Here eon working and slaving all day long to get this place in order," she adds, “and you come plundering {n like a ‘longshoreman WII you fever have any regard for my feeling® and MY house?” Yes, the tme will come ‘ere long when Harry will have a remarkably keen perception of what his Too Or- derly spouse requires of him. He will learn to sit down with manikin stiff- ness in chairs as comfy as the stools) Torquemada devised for his victims. He, wili learn to regard the door mat as {f it were an animate bit of household | Gear that shouted to him to get busy) the moment he approached the thresh: | old, The hatrack becomes a malevo- lent domineering sentinel. Ho walks round the rugs on tiptoe, When he ploks up a book off a library table he! Graws an Imaginary design about it so | that he may put !t back in exactly the post & heli before, He smokes on the pack poroh on @ camp stoel and when hia ¢riends visit nim they talk and lavgh in whiapers for fear of disturb- ing the canary, Every Too Orderly Wife has a canary. ‘The dear little things are so orderly and regular in their habits. he must crawl under the covers as !f| with CLARENCE L CULLEN bulletin board to see whether the Glante did oor, didn’t in the sec- ond game of the doutle-header, Of ourse you don't see him. It {sn’t mat. Again, jany part of the Hurry Toucher’s system fet tn fhe hall, when there is a rack| Even when Harry goes to bed at night to let you ace him until he pounces, simulated breathlessness, upon Will yon never learn to be orderly, /ha were inserting himself in an expen-| you, As a matter of fact, he hides In | a doorway or back of a show case until you're a little distance past him. Then |he lopes up back of you, gives your Plercing Scream.” | sive and |mmaculate envelope: a spot; on the counterpane {s a felony; 4@ wrinkle in the pillow-shams is a mis- demeanor, Nor dare Harry splash him- in the bathtub or use the com- y towela that so stiffly and orna- mentally decorate the near-silver rack, In fact the unhappy benedict could not be better Gisciplined in a reformatory. Saloons are infamous places and no devoted, home-loving husband should have any use for clubs. Harry knows | this, He hag read it and heard it) preached. Yet, suddenly !t dawns on him that no deor-mat encumbers the| threshold of the saloon, If there ja! one at the club he has not noticed It. There are chaira in both places that he can alt in In any position he elects for comfort, and there are other chairs he oan put his feet on if he desires, Yes, and he can smoke like # lime-kiln without reproot; ewear @ little now and then, ‘The ohances are that when he reaches one of these hospitable havens he will utter a wild whoop of joy, whereas his home-going is lke the march of a mourner, arm Gertrude When Man Leads and HEN the W Working Girls’ Litera- ire Class came to study Thomas Ot- Oh, woman, lovely woman, nature made thee » temper man—we without thee,”’ But the teacher | pointed out another | bit, in which the game author rails at “Woman, destruc- (ire, deunnadle, deceitful woman.” A@ we walked home from the class | Talks With Girls way's poems they. iiscovered that it) was he who wrote; | 2d then she was that kind, Well, she haq been brutes | Barnum’s POODIOQODIOS © When Man Follows. from man's leading strings, Very few) men can be trusted to lead women to! the higher Hfe Besides, men don't like a woman that's too easily led. 1) once knew a girl that wanted to be Popular with men. She found out the kind of woman the different men liked, 80t to be all kinds of a girl, except a good Kind, and she wasn't so awful popular, nelther, Then I knew another) girl that really did temper a man,” “Tell us about her,” we begwed. | “The man," Edna began, ‘he suf-| fered from {ncompatibility of temper, Mving with his old maid sister, She was always trying to yank him Into the upper alr. So he levt home, After that he made the acquaintance of sey- ral destructive and deceitful ladios| who made it very pleasant for him. | | He-Gay, look a-here, pal, how strong are you? Unooft tt, quick! You-eee He-Aw, can thet comedy! I want to Know, old hawes, beosuse I'm in a devil of a fix, You +6 He-Ob, you're there with that fosh thing, matey, but this ts the tig juno- ture with me. Y'aee, I've brought the one girl and her mother downtown to take ‘em to the reof garden—the gir! will beve nothing but when the old | DA ¢ ulation Books Opea to All ] Y¥, JULY 25, 1908. MAGAZINE+” STORY}, _ SECTION. 1 y Touch” for a Finiph? wocee need know blamed well I'm not pulling any- thing on you! Its just like I'm telling you, and of course I'll look Nke & gleam If I don’t come through after the show with a little feed, and I can't take any chances on— You-eee He—But I don't want much—only @ finiph or @o, I'll slip it right back to you in the morning, I'm there with @ bundle in the other sult as big as summer squash—didn't I cop four oral pete to-<fay? Well I guess yes! Hurry “WOULDNT THAT BUMP You? Hurry Touch Beats It folks cash in, and I s’pose she jes’ nachully hates and despises me—ye'eh— foolish like Mister Fox, aint 1?—well, I've got ‘em down for the roof gamien | show—they're over in the Knickerbooker now—and dogged if I didn't just find | out, when I went to get some cigarettes, | that in changing my clothes I'd left | the wad in tho other suit, and of course Irn have to be staking ‘em to a little vite after the show, and— You ** He—Aw, now, go on, old chap, you From Behind a Showcase. an affectionate sort of squeeze while he continues to pant, unlimbers a little of that helio-bo-you'ty-looking-fine stuff, and then the following conversa- ton ensues: hae 14 top, and loosen— You-#+¢ | He~Aw, say now, don’t flash those 70 jcents out of the change pocket and tell | me that's all— | Sends He-Oh, wall, of course, if that's the | way you're fixed, there's nothing to It. But I sure am in a deuce of a mei What d'ye think I'd better do? Say, you know everybody up around here. |Couldn't you snag me a fintph some- where? The Laugh Comes In. RS, DE WEARY—An4 so you hive heen married five years, and aro ag much in love with your husband as ever? Mm, Cheery—Yes, indeed! “Hum! What business !s your husband Int’ “He's captain of # sailing ship.""—Spare Moments, (if oT 6 Slow Watter—Have I ever been In the country, you ask, Tired Customer—I was just thinking how thrilling you No, sir, Way do 'd find It to sit on the fence and watched the tortotse whiz by.—London Tid-fits ‘ | © ® ® o 9 0 0 Youre | He-Now, old man, they can’t all | | de out of town, can they? If I wae somewhere around my own deat, why I ane get a thousand, just like thet, but thie 4s kind o' off my route, and— You—#+e He-Now, you know very well, old half-hose, that the hock shops are all closed at this time of night or— You e He-—What! D'ye mean to say that T Never sipped back that ten you handed me down at Brighton Beach away last mimmer? Well, what d'ye think o' that! Come to think of it, blamed if I don't delleve you're right. Tt absolutely jJog- | gled out of my memory, Well, you| myst think I’m by Fergit It, out of Dis- remember, Oh, well, come across with the five spot now and I'll trip into your office first thing im the morning and poke you the fifteen in @ lump, and we'll be all-— | You—!*l*!*! And that goes, too, as It layal Whereupon the Hurry Toucher, con- vinced at last that you're a non-pro- | ducer, beats ft to the rear, and from then on he tells everybody he knows and that knows you that you're the Charter Member of the Muollaginous Mitt Assoolation, and that you wrote the soldered fist thing, and, in spite of | “Unooll It Quick!” | the still unrepaid ten that you let him |have at Brighton Beach last summer, qou with a virulent and vitri- tes hare that, the Hurry At loften gets away with It. Toucher quite wt THE MILLION DOLLAR KID Gets Rid of the Mosquito Pest, | Incidentally Demonstrating That the Greenback Is More Potent Than the Punk Stick. Ke RASTUS, You COULDN'T SAUCER! SEND ADOLPH JONES, YOU LET THAT Mosouro BiTe Me's You'Re FIRED! SEND. CHIN SANG HERE! EP A COW OFF OF A By R. W. Taylor. ME VELLY SoLLY, HISTO MLONK! CHIN, YOU MUTT, YoU LeT Two Mosquitos Bite Me! You'Re NNED! SEND RASTUS HERE! You'RE NO Good €irHER! GIT our! (LL Fix 'EM mysece! OOO! 01000000000000000000000000000000000000. -- The Husband] That Is Too Good to Be True No, 17 in the Series of 20 Husbands Described By Nixola Greeley-Smith ~ HEN she was first married the wife of the hug W bund That's Too Good to Be True had a vague idea that men were not perfect, The idol of her soul, she thought, would have certain failings com= mon to all manhood which she would have to overlook, And, oh, what earnest charity, what loving largeness of vision she would give to the task! Quite unnecessarily she soon discovered, For never in all the novel-fed misgivings of her early teens had she conjured a vision of anything half so flawless ae her wedded love reveals himself to be. His perfection, disconcerting from the first, grows gradually exasperate ing. Will he never, never do anything to let her exer= cise that feminine prerogative of forgiveness, without which no home {# completely happy? The arrival of the milkman {6 not more prompt than hig morning exit. And she can set the clock by his coming home, Never in years of aseociae tion does he call for the exorcise of wifely leniency in regard to a little dinner with the boys, His friends were to be her friends, she had promised herself, She would make them welcome In his home. They would have little card parties—pinochle or even poker—and she would make sande wiches and have everything they wanted to drink on Ice, NOMA GREELE: HUH! WHO CAN “Where Did She Meet That Creature?” i} | All this was before taking him.! |Now she would just as soon think of dancing the cancan bofore him ea of suggesting suvh an orgy. The social diversions of the Husband That's Too Good to Re True consist onl in bringing home the “boss” or tant manager to dinner. A sol- ann gloom pervades these Infrequent functions, at which such frothy topics as the President's Message or the ef- fect of Bryanism on the corporate in- terests furnish the conversation, Even \{f the wife is one of those rare women who take an Intelligent Interest in politics, #he !s not expected to take part {n the discussions, but must sit, in silent awe while the oracles speak She is very fond of the theatre. They afternoon they were out walking to gether, and Malzle Marshmallow, of the Marshmallow Mustcal Misses, ape Peared suddenly and threw herself ts rms, Under the hennaed hair, the the “Hurrah, girls!” mane ter, she had recognized the child whe had ocewpled the next desk at school and had been glad to see her, Kut The Husband That's Too Good To Be True has stalked haught!ly on ‘Where did she meet such a area ture?’ he asks himself, suspiclousiy And later he asks ‘her and there iy @ scene, Then, suddenty, the shell credits, The whito light of truth beate fleroety down and the varnish melts on te Uttle soul, 0 once @ year, not to @ Nght musteal entertainment which would divert her, but to one of those platitudinous, ser! ous plays, where the Hushand That's Too Good To Be True may be flattered by seaing the triumph of his kind por- trayed. | Will she over forget the He may elope with the Dank funds, He may merely disappear with Messte Marshmallow, Dut whatever form neture’s revolt from Ao muah perfection may take, ie {3 bound to come. And, samehow, the wife of The Husband That's Too Gooa To Be True {6 not nearly ao Sunday {shed or #0 distressed as she might be: Booood e e ° (0) : Mosquito-Bitten Girls, ‘. And Sufferers From Other Summer Ills, 8 ® Will Here Find a Few Needed Remedies, § . to dainty traditions even at this disth hee y mmmeF |iusioning period of the year, Another misery that ™Many people |thts summer parttcularty are affiated ‘with ts prickly heat, which used to cone \ fine Itself to bables and chikiren, ‘Thiw heat. Then came ig reaty partly nervous trouble and the millions of should be treated with lukewarm baths hungry mosquitoes | from New Jersey | to add to and em-| phasize her woes. And let me not forget the greon-| headed fly, whose | venom stings with, even mora sharpness than the mosquito and the little black gnat. A combination of lly has now to ba deatt —+Inexpressible exhaustion from the heat and an trritabllity which knows no ease from the bites of Insects The summer girl only tries to keep cool and fight the small animals—her | pompadour les flat and uncurled, hn midity olings to her face—naver persptr HE girl has her troubles a-) plenty this year, First {t waa th ene of the giris remarked: | He got to thinking there was only two ‘Tt esome that that gay Mr, Thomas kinds of ladies, the good but unpleasant, | Otway knew all kinds of women!" {like hie sister, and the damnable but | “Most men do.” sald another. “And| friendly variety that Mr, Otway tolls they generally Ike the destructive! about. Than one evening he met a damnable, decoitfi! kind best, They | eitl that was friendly, but not damna- don't care nmuch for the kind that tries| ble. He chose her, She wasn't going t temper man.” his way on life's path, 60 he sald he'd) “Well, no wonder,” sald my trena | #0 hers. She didn't care much whieh Bins. “Plenty of women are strong on | way hé went. There was too many) the temper tusiness. Very fow are fit! things about him she didn’t like. She to tama the savage breast of man, but|diin’t try to reform them, but just that don't keap them from trying to, plain didn’t Ike him She never thought Xeap him in leading strings. Nine cases of leading him to the higher life. She oat of ten the man won't be led He | Just refused to go down and meet him dye breaks away to play with the do- {n the lower one. 80 he proceeded to @tructive, damnabie, deceltful tut climb up her path, and that's all there friendly woman, who don't trv to tem-| Was to It." As I reflected upon this dis- per him. You can’t blame him much, | cussion of the girls, after they were either.” gone, It seemed to me they had cov. “Don't you think {t's woman's mis-|@Md the ground completely, and that @on to lend man to the higher life’! My friend Edna had, as weual, shown aaked A plots voice wise discrimination in choosing for her “Maybe it 18; but she's got to find her| heroine not the @irl who without ex- own way upward before she can lead Ploring the way would set herself up any One else,” Edna replied, as a leader in the higher life, not the ‘They all stopped at my house for a| girl who to gain popularity Dasely cup of tea, and the discussion grew | stoops to be all thingg to all men, but, @ulte serious. | father the rare girl who by being true “the first thing for lovely woman 10 the ean twits bad Tone yee sapere NOW, SKEETERS, I'LL GIVE You GACH 9100 To Go BACK To SERSEY AND Not BOTHER me! AH-H! SOME PEOPLE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR MoneY! atlon—and she sits with @ witch hazel bottle closs at hand while she uncore- montously scratoles the mosquito bites Truly this fs not a season when one Wishes to be reminded of one's looks, and {f there's a scrap of comfort to ba got out of It, the secret should be shouted to fellow sufferers, | In the first place heat exhaustion !s a serious thing and should not be fought | that ts, the exhausted one should sim- ply and keep qulet. Cold baths and very little and very simple fond, jong sleeping hours and rest through the day much as possible In d&rk- ened re t shop on't work #f you can walk and speak but » against the oppre las tot and dc it To str stim bad The moequlto er th: to of st as ser] h the hagei, arper h, It Is ¢ places, Applleatlot alcohol or camphor Will rei the itching sting An ld-wife remedy is to rub the place with # raw onion, but this Is not pieasamt for que who clings y { wit The Summer Girl Is Buay, and a very careful dist. Here ts @ |formitla which reHeves the {rritations Lime water, four ounces; levigated oak amine, one-half ounce, Shake up the mixture and apply It to the skin, Last, but not least of the ewatm of Nttle IMs that attack the unfortunate gummer visitor, 8 nettle rash hives. Thi 1s a maddentng visitation and requires: n fa strong man to @ne his, too, you should look diet Overeating {3 @t the n of this and most of thea kin troubles Appl atin of d_and water, one 10 elf will assuage the itching. ——_. Lillian Russell’s Age. tts YAW old is Lilllan Russell? Expert statisticians fa significant ells career have sixty-four, fi rding to the eit posseasion, | gut ia latest edition of “Who's Who om Btage’ the date of her birth is Oxe@ Deo. 4 1861, é ® of the