The evening world. Newspaper, July 3, 1908, Page 7

. MAGAZINE SECTION, 0 $10 — 4 YORK, By Barton }LTHOUGH no of excrescences, BARTON ve CURTIS @boulders aching for a soft coat, 20 Wives: aie ate _ Or, Why the e Hearth om {ts Lustre. No. I—She'sjthe Wife That Is Entirely Too Loving, W. Currie fixed rules may apply ror the newly- wed, for the nornmial man the honeymoon should end in the eixth month. sixth moon the wife should realize that she has mar- ried a man and not a Teddy bear, softest hands in the world and the largest and alikiest ears, but after they have been pawed over something Ike forty weeks they begin to wear the tactile qualities Toward the end of the Hubby may have the The Too Loving Wite néver realizes this, When the Life of Her Life comes’ home {t never dawns upon her that his feet are groaning for his td ahd hia She needs must fold him in her-arms with a Sophie Brandt caress, He taust respon, Her eyes will swim the honeymoon stroke, and ff hia lack the merest mance of the demanded love-lustre all bets are off for that evening, t six seconds he ie lato? waking camera ot bor heart? i Bone Mythology The Judgment of Paris Is Repeated in Front of an Apple Cart, and Venus, as in the Olden Days, | Wins the Apple. By Ann Evans. Qrwececeeeee. UNO, Quen of the Gods; Minerva Goddess of Wiadom, and Venu Goddess af Love, viet for the golden “Apple of Discord, Most Beautiful.” Paris waa the judge. inscribed "To the Juno offered power, Minerva fame and oo HE three were sailing down upper Broad- way, Juno, magnificent matron, had the rail, Her glory wan augmented by a new crop of diamonds .fand even added pride, the results of a successful seagon n the road.” The Queen of the Gods ANNEVANG till loves the Iime- ght, but now she was ready for two nonths to rest and keep an ¢ye on Jupiter, who still needed It. Minerva, in the middle, gazed pro- fouriily at a cloud poised over Colum- bla College, and tried to solve by trigonometry the problem of paying for gratuation hats and dresses and having something left for vacation, Venus, carefree, radiant Goddess of Wternal Youth, love and laughter, just wasn't anything but beautiful—and hap- py—but that fs enough, Isn't {t? Juno tight stand for pride and glory, Min- erva for the triumph of brains. Venus'’s was the kingdom of hearts freely @iven, without rhyme or reason, for fove’s sake, Tino glanced at the fuffy-browed, af- fervesvent young goddess jealously. “Tan't ho a wonder?’ she asked Minerva. "Swings along, and doesn't care Whethor a man evor looks at her! ‘Venus, I don't belleve you'd give a doMar for the love of the last man on oe Jr an hour's thought for a univer- sty Aegres,” interjected Minerva. "But she'd turn heads, professors and 41, 4 they'd beg her to take it as a ‘tavor.” fre nonchalant one rippled out a @olden 'eugh. “Not 1!" she replie& "T wouldn't @Wwe tha topmost apple on that push- Crt for all the manly hearts in the age i “ago” propeller of the cart flashed his black Calabrian eyes on the tylo of happy beautles: A moment of eep judicial calm held him. Then the ripple of golden laughter ran into hie tood, and, with an ecstatle chuckle and a Caruisoesque chorus of “Dellals- alma!” he grabbod » topmost apple of the pile, drew his flamboyant ban- anna from its dangling place in his When He Comes Home, Doesn't he know that every breathing minute of the day her heart has beat for but him; that his picture nestled im the ever Has he met any of those coarse com- panions of the days before bias was spelled in CAPS! Has mot she fore- sworn Sqady, that red-hatred Hitle firt with the green eyes? And Emma, and Jennie, and Mae, and all the others who had once called him "sid" with that suspicious Inflection? He had filled that blank im her life and so he must cast off Jack, Jim, Patsy and the rest “Darling,” he gaeps faintly, "Ys din- ner ready?’ Ghe shudders a reproach. To speak of dinner, wnd he has not called her ‘His Trixy," "His Little Blue-Byed Com: flower," "his, his, his'—thereat the waterworks begin to flow, Dinner cocleth. Mageie, the hire4 elrl, champeth in the kitchen. Archi. bali's brutish mind frames the phrase, “For Heaven's sake, kid, cast me loose and let's Me us to the pork chops. Time enough after supper for that big leather heir and the ‘honeybug’ cheser," But his gentle, even dubcet, hints fall to take. Night after night he meets the same overfiow of honey. He Must Respond, Presently the sight of a tramp bum- bleheo makes him swing in the air wildly, He gets to circling the block twice before he makes the leap {nto the close ¢lindh of the Too-Loving One. Her vocatulary of pet names palls on htm. What dilss if she'd only meet him with @ rolling pin or a stove ld! There would be variety to make the corpus- cles leap like a Yale pole-vaulter, ~ But, alas! ‘Tis not to be. His respl- ration ts examined as if she searched for exotic germs. He darés not do this, He fears to do that. Cltmax—an af. finity who has cut her wisdom teeth, rear pocket and, polishing the fruit vig. orously, held it toward Venus, “Missa—make-g me glad. Hava da ay?" sald the new Parle come to pomonical judgment, In the same decisive, delightful way in which the apple was awarded, Venus accepted tt. “What did you say about an apple and a man's heart?” Minerva asked, auiszically wise, “Well, look at that!"’ exclaimed Juno, “Another man's heart gone. Somehow or other, I wish It hadn't been an ap. ret" exclaimed Juno, reminiacently, and she gave a little shudder, Was it for the old defeat,or. for the vanished centuries? NEW Ther icea? stuf, maybe od a Knot-hole at heetings of the Steepledhase Assoc! ALKING abou spurs, putting and gulches and t then I've like the quet. | CLARENCE L CULLEN ‘Whom has he met? Where has he stopped in the course of that thirty. | Me and the World Is Mine" [teen malle under the surcingte to se these moneyed Mister riders getting strewed all over the clean gteen grass by their mounts, amt! rolled on and iteked In! when you' the platinum teeth and dragged around The thing !s, what for? Riding er thelr way ot nudging by. |bunch thai are not barn with buttons the only greensward. the drawings, jter watches some day, |due for the big tear-off, jt he's got 80 gin to waft {t in, | Ho can ride, too, jock that has got to do It for a living. No, 1.—Those Gentlemen Jockeys: What's | humid weather and that, means the Rank Wad Boys {n pin sle-winkle coats and gem-studded the vers over the sticks and stones me afternoon's peek at it. Since It was sadder than "Love into the wings of the jumps and yanked water hepy and tunded on the tup of prickly haiges. T'm not bambootng the question at the gituppers who drag plugs over hedges for a living—the ones that never get the Mister thing chalked in front of thelr monakers on the jock guard over the si.cks .* thelr end of It. ‘They're out with search | warrants for the laundry change, ke the rest of the way they know to try to gat anything {s to} steer maybe-jumpers over things sticking out of the But why do the glugs that have already got it In Jute-bag lots fall for that hopperino stuff? Inclose diagram of Fig, L I can't unwind !t without] ward or forgat to clear a board One of those Mister riders that I saw ts going to! |have the price of about fifteen million ein-buck pow- and even now, ying duff spraddiled around !n his pajamas that he’ moans and mutters in his leep because he can't be- He's pretty near as good a rider that made Wu Tingfang ut sulcldes In you've work- one of these ation, That timber-top- hings. I had game of cro- ve got seven- and jammed | A throwgh tha T's to push, and a mane and four hard ho Please| jof an inch or epraw! when then the httle Mister w' were pickled and presery before he's much of the Shaw me! And all the Author of “Tales of Rx-Tank. I was there with @ layout of inside question marks | “Listening to the Woozy Walling of the Flute.” conk, and @ll this four-hoofer with the one kiea has got to do It to take off abou before he was born 4s just as Hable as not to bela greased over the Big Divide before ask if his cap's on straight wot right al | the box! | the look Ike @ mute, MAGAZINE STORY SECTION. jongside, and—— Say, that 'd be me~in| Because, just as long as I've got = two-plastre All of| shinplaster in the klok or anywhere in sieht I'm the kale that he could convenlently carry in his Gn- | going to be as busy flagging trouble as a one-armed garees without taming turtle and rolling over on his carpet-beater with the shingles back ke a wogeletms and fifteen miliion of those) yack over heapdl-up brush and paddies and things big milled silver frijoles in plain sight—and there |isn't trouble all the way from canape to coffee, then United Hunts |!° WaS astraddle of @ dippy, wrong-headad thing with!) gon't know the difference ‘tween a slate penal And {f riding horse- and a searchlight on a@ tin roof, bundles that sledge—when |stilts ¢hat wi |coe the presi jhave to do | Fatteront wit! ja chance on The gligs blow smoke man hands whole gag s them, Room for, They’ne Jink his het club window: fs and only one ddea In its |the rest of perish from two feet too far for- = about an eighth he hits the other side, and h all of the goodies that | dience, 41 and put away for him) Me for the ae time, Ifeltke mit away on Ice, Nothing Inakes any the ect ef losing When I peered at these Mister boys with bank | elght Eskiino dogs couldn't pull on a) I flashed ‘em bouncing along over the I wondered what {t ‘ud look Ilke to dent of a trust company working In the} |‘unnel for one-etghty @ day. | And It's ebout a stand-off. The pinkie-winkles don’t | that riding thins, but neither does old th the coupon-clipping bolo have to take getting the tunnel bemts, with the cerlse jackets oan alt down and tings at the lace ourtaine from the time they fall out of the chucks Jn the morning till thetr | tem thelr nightle again. They've got the| owed up with a sallmakere needle and| difference to rent 19.@ thing they never heard of. The eats is only a case of what thoy feel Ike buttoning | for, not what they've got the junk to como through ver heard of a down-and-outer having to brim. Al they've got to do is to lve and loll and loaf} and open the world up like a Baltimore dinge with) ‘an oyster knife. 3 inhaling mie out of Hohenvan glass-| The best thing they do {s to alt in ware, watching the lIlve ones flutter by and piping And yet they | us on our way to work. b0-koop ong-way If they can't climb up jon the backs of these lenperimos and take a chance on the quick cash-In right In the presence of the au- blue prints on that. as there with the ochro papes like most Imitation of Lattle-Jamie-Near-There In lo and getting the real layout BOOS —— Lilian Bell. The Husband Who Frer- gets Whatever Manaers Ho Ever Had. D phrase manners” ID you ever stop to real- | ina that the! “company fn tteelt gee thing in exist- ence as “home manners?” Home = manners between husband and wife have, many — Instances, come to be decid- edly negligea man- ners, and that word remands me lot Weber & Flolds's definition of It. “Negligee,” aald Fields to Weber, “is the French for ‘neglected.’ But you are ten! Forgotten manners certalnly obtain in many families. I know a man who has delightful “company manners." By George V. Hobart. (“Hugh McHugh") you up against a new cure for your dyspepsia, eh?—but- termite! And a great {dea Bunch, | belleve me! It certainly Is pad to drink butter] mille, Buttermilk 1s to the ‘worn-out system the same as a fat office fs to @ stout politician, ‘As a thirst-splasher buttermilk te the} one best bet, but don’t ever tell any one in Milwaukee that I made such a statement, Drink !t, Bunch, every time you can, because buttermilk comes down to us from the remotest ages with splendid recommendations. Every great man In histoty,, was a buttermilk drinker, Bunch, ing his time trying to get into history {a a buttermilk drinker, Bunch. Read between the lines In your his- tory of ancient Rome and you will see such a weakness for hard cider. ‘Where are you going?” Inquired Cal- athumpia, the wife of Jullus Cacsar, as he fastened the gold safety pin In his toga and reached for his umbrella, "I am going down to Rudolph March's cafe in the Foruai,” anewered the cool Stadium and drink buttermilic’ implies that there! was stich a negil-| in | PAR Bunch; So they've steered | Every great man who {s now spend-| how buttermilk would have saved the | Nite of Julius Caesar if he hadn't had] we are out together he !s the first to see that [am In a draught, the first to help me with my coat, the first to ren- der me any of the little assistances which make Ife so smooth when they ara ingrained. But his are not. His wite, when they are at the theatre to- |gether, carries the opera glasses, folds the programmes, struggles in and out of her coat by herself, sits alone be- tween acts, hands herself into the street while, half the time, he walks a pace | | ahead of her, instead of at her side, He summons her by a gruff “Come! il7 i “| am golng to March's Cafe.” Julius; “you don't need to walt lunch for me, Calile.” “But, Julius,” (pla; “why do you spend so much time at March's cafe in the Forum? It isn’t | Besides; there is always a bunch ot loafers hanging around that joint. Why don't you sit here at home with me in His Manners Are DDDODODSDHOOHOOHHONH ‘John Henry’s Praise of Buttermilk | OOOO 000000000000 0000000000 00000 0190000000 DoDO CO COO In CO OOU0000 whispered Calathum- | a good place for you to go, my dear. | The cae tahoe oes of the Family Not Home-Grown, tng her which way he intends to go, alg: | nals her with waves of his hand, so like 4 brakeman flagging a freight train that I often wonder what he was before he got Into Wall street. He says, “We'll take the Subway!’ He never } boy par z his hopping pdodle into tha fled grass and maybe a foot-high flagon of the hissky amber | of lols out of the bundle, (Old 0000,0000 0000 000C 0000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 x COLOODE) Indicates the m@asure of your breed- |ing, I fen't just what you call “mnan- ners,” “Politeness Is to do and gay | The kindest tiving in the kindest way!” I'd rather bring up @ child on those {two lines than on the Golden Rule, ra délleve It would work better, more oontinuovsly and bring more permanent resulta, You forget the Golden Rule sometimes If somebody kioks your ankle bone In | the elevated, but truly good manners will compel you to accept an apology | politely and graciously. I know ¢ne man who has fairly good | Manners at home who will some day | get killed because of his Insolence and |bootishness in public, He who fs all | courtesy to any ona he knows, and kindnees itself to his friends, becomes & menace to hiinself and a danger to strangers by his overbearing manner | to servants, clerks, stenographers, — stmet oar conductors, or to any stranger Who jostles him {n a crowd | house. lor infringes upon his comfort in any I'm not looking tor! body to ever Uppytoe along and hand me anything! has tima to except a crab apple with a tot of old blowholes In It. But if Iw: Instead of that stuff of these Mister rfler® that are always groping around | he could be up in a grand etand box listening to the for some new kind of a way to lose a fin or drop a woozy walling of the flutes arti flageolets and tin-| wick or to get thelr skypleces dented up like a cor-| as some Gallagher of a sure-enough over-the-Jumps reeling the winsome steam into the ear of something |rugated zinc roof, I guess maybe I wouldn't give ‘em | winnor-looking sitting alongside of him and piping! a But when 1 plped this clean-looking young Mister the inflald grass a-wimoling !n the zenhyrs, Alewyn | | | tion to @ theatre party has come 20 COLCEOCPOOREK Husbands 7 All of Them More or Less Undesirable, | By Nixola Gree y-Smith. No, 8--The Husband That 66 TENNER Bing her room to take his ful at least some eclipsed the light The woman standing before him, ready?” Boards With His Wife, dexterously sidestep- “Nothing,” be rejoins, shortly, ‘a charger scenting the battle, a racehorse sniffing victory as the barrier drops, hia head lifts, hls eye lights and he asks, Just Boards With His Wife, says the Husband That Just fond caress and making for his bed- collar off. A little saddened by the matter of fact demeanor of the erstwhile Romeo who had yowed to her that Omar Khayyem was a beast because he sighed for a loaf of bread and a jug of wine, she trails after him along the hall of thelr bower of bliss, ‘What's the matter, darling?” she questions, hope» mishap of the day has momentarily, of romance in her lord's eyes, Then, suddenly, ag “Do I smell onion soup?” once the angel of his dreams, the eng of all his hopes, exists now only as minister extraordinary to his stomach, Unless, to be sure, in the course of ¢ lressing he misses the studs from his clean shirt, and then she undergoes a lightning transformation to the only other role {n which he sees her, that “Huh!” he growls, “No studs In JOHN, YOUR LOVE 1S GRowine coup! | He 9 “Do | amell "I'm so sorry, dear, I forgot. 1 wife, trying to take the shirt away fi of incompetent valet. this shirt! No, DEAR, BUT. up is! onion soup?” et me do It, please,’ rom him, says his penitent “No, don't bother, I'll do it myself,” he retorts, Icily. Why men expect thelr wives towvalet for them I have never been abla to understand. Mutual service the bond of love undoubtedly implias ‘You hook my waist and I'll dry your safety razor,” {s the sub-conscious basis of the matrimonial reciprocity treaty which means happlne Boards, = But the Husband That Just with His Wife does not recognize reol- procity, His wife's evening tollet is made de- | fore he arrives. As he goes out @s soon as ‘he has been fed, he can be of no sistance to her in dressing if an invita- to Deleon her accustomed gloom. In the morn'sg he leaves after giving himself, three more minutes for a third cup of cottes and denying her three seconds for a good-by kiss, Mayhap he may Inger on the stairway, and she whose hunger for affection |s only equalied by | hie passion for fowl and greens hopes | for one moment that he has remembered and 4s coming back, But no, he breaks an all morning stlence—of course, this husband reads the paper during break- fast—to call cheerfully: 'Whatcher going to have for dinner?” Home for this husband ts a boarding- The only time he ever feels like complimenting his wife Js when she has “How shall we go, dear, elevated, aur. | Way, This man never realizes that by eickied his palate with beefsteak and face or Subway? Not he! His mano ners are not home-grown, They are home-stunted, Wis wife suffers under such diere- worse than neglected; you are forgot-|car by main force, jumps off alone,| | gard, for she was more conalderately | treated in her father's house, but she Joan do nothing with him. When good manners are not born {n one they are When on!" turns corners abruptly without tell- | never the genuine thing, for politeness 8). with your loving Calethumyia!” “Buttermilk!"’ sneered Jullus; “auch a drink {8 only for mollycoddles and pink fingers. It doesn't make rich blood in the veins like the hard cider I get at | March's. Avaunt and raus mittim!” “But please don't go to that cafe this. | morning,” Calathumpia kept on plead- ing. “Stay at home just this once and | spread some of this dalicious buttermilk over your thirst,'* | SNo buttermilk this day for me,” | answered Jullus, ‘I seek a vintage |more expensive and witch tlokies | more as {t goes down.” “The tides of March," whispered hi wife; “remember the tides of Mare! | “Would thts be the first tide I ever | sot from March?” Julius whispered back, | "The tides of March, remember,’’ | was her only answer; and away went Jullus to the cafe in the Forum, gtv- ing am imitation of Joe Weber whist- ing “Girls! Girls!" {rom the burlesque | of the ‘Merry Widow," which was ithen running at the Amphitheatre, What happened in the Forum when the loafers used Julius Caesar for a pincushion everybody remembers, And when Jullus dropped on the mar- ble slab at the base of the bar he gasped out: "Darn the luck! n't I fall for the buttermilk which stingeth not, neither does it help peo- pia to bite the dust You don't find these exact words th history, Bunch, becauso Julius gasped them In Latin, and Latin hates to itaglt translated, (000000, 200000 0000000000000000000T) 00000000000110000000000000000 0000000000) Why | every such act he advertises his mother’s lack of early training and) that he casts reflections upon his wife's taste in marrying him, Manners tet! more secrets enact | /Goov bye your origin that you tain would con- | coal from the world at large than any- Ithing else on earth, My next talk will be on The Shirt eves Manners of Father," | away went Julius whistling.” Many other times in the ages past | did buttermilk come to the surface, you may take !t from me, Bunch, that ft 1s lucky to drink it. $ | Yes, Bunch, and T'lf give you my eol- emn word that buttermilk will remove freckles. | Catch the freckle just before going the buttermilk and wrap ‘OYE! HAVE DINNER ALL READY AT “Whatcher = goln’ to fer dinner?” have onions and chocolate cake, Bright are her eyes as starlight, mysterious as the | play of moon rays on a (pool. A banner sim and A of beauty Je her unfurled hat supple a6 @ steel rapier is her body. ‘orazier of divine fire 1s her mouth. And yet, what shall all these thing avail, what shall st profit her even that the wisdom of all the serpents be colled in her curls if she forgets that he likes lamb chops cooked with the kidney or \tnat stuffed green peppers give him a pain? Tho shortest way to a man's heart Is through his sto: rh, is an axlom of the disillusioned. also the shortest | way out of a W 's love. ‘This {s true of but few men, however, | Most men would rather have an under- done steak than an overdone wife; a half-baked potato than a half-baked | brain But the husband that Just boards with his wite Ja not of them, It his meals, are kept up to the standard what does fhe lacks in life? 6 ower Nobody Sings But Bispham Everybody Else in Tokee | neke Park Stops Work | When He Warbles and the Village Is All Broken Up Over It. eo By Margaret H. Ayer< T {sn't always | an advantage to have a famous opera singer and an echa living so close beside one. For when the singot the echo E his tones around the coume tryside, and de moralizes worlg and commerce, The owners off Tokeneke Park, Conn, are still, gravely discussing tho sltugtion, for tt! (eeauen y happens that the whole daytw: work {8 wpset by the voice of one Davitt Bispham, who hag taken a cottage omy the Sound and who occasionally ifts up his volce and sings as only he can sing, "It would be beautiful," said Mrs Devoe, the charming + r of the: Tokeneka Inn, “it his singing wouldn't stop all work. OF course, I always go to the door ters and o ny and me maids, iile he sings,’’ 2 a howe {» being bullt w Jd have bees finished on the Ist of June, but is std an unsh 1 wooden skeleton, A group of from sunny are incited an Irtsy this 3 poste or duet, yy sung, fasied from the nelghe iso smd was echoed across approached the back of tha oro they found the workmen gathered Bispham ga rest of n the have @ inhabitar Bispham an for thelr autumn concerts. Song after gong filled the air. The entire wile lage of Tokeneko had stopped work, seorge Ham for two hours, all luncheons were late, no mail was delivered on times expected packages, tr and vegetables did not after dinner Mr. nis cote tage for the The problem 1 n, how will the work of the village go ou while he aings?