The evening world. Newspaper, December 8, 1906, Page 9

The Evening World's Daily Magazine, Saturday, December 8, 1900. ARR “ ~~ Roy L. McCardell | The Evening World’s [Martin Green| Three Humorists irvin s, Cobb Dopey McKnight’s Xmas Tip Good Old Jocose Joe Miller Still Lives and Hands Out Ha-Ha’s on Broadway|©0l. Tecumseh J. Bugg Is to Bait a Cash Trap for Santa Claus, Te toll us thai Joo Miler la defunct, that the author, thom to music, takes the scenario. of one of Bhalteapoare's plays; turns It upalds of Triggor Ridge, Ky. Also Sees a, Fow Thing: b Td} down, fu oO his effort and nder th of jon] comedy, Wher } j fas And the Chorus Girl’s Ideas. ior. feuray buts de (Willan B. DAVuey’weyeys ese W | her can'e dig us may gkdshyron tuted chet Wil sland for belna: synteryed me = Through Funny Glasses. — (11m merry ‘Chriatinas season hea me off my nanny for. nothing into {tL Jou Miller ta allye, His batting average » musato, labele bis efforta a comedy Grama, takes the name ft Clyde {177 wrx mm wie North” we aald W Co Mugs, “our fulr,” eald the Chorus irl. iy lower than It was when he laid the foundation of Amert-| and iviephonea the New Amaterdam Bank that ho wants to dapdslt seme motto ts ‘Liye end Lat Live!" an humor, but be delivers the goods in bulk right along, G “Up at the fiat everybody is eo suaplclous cre and the only people who are not jerry to the fact are the managers greet hia work effuatvely, Bome wt them hiss It. The publie é “tt la,” be replied, but 2 take potios you dow't i Soy’ gtye more than they'li get that things is sure «| | theattioalsians@era. 5 8 fall, but it generally does. If you don’t bel ave It get out your copy belleve in letting them live too high fo far as I have beon eR y Otay tonabee When Joe Miller was supposed to hays beaten It for the Xt, take It to almot any Broadway. production, and tf any ble to obwerve during my sojourn in your tal olty, I fee! | “I don't know what I'm golog to get, but they'll be pearly gates, he wan reallyjon hia way to New York, ridbog | come: j toka the book on-the—atnge and give the fusny man | safe tn Anying that color bindneas {4a national disease and Measinaa for mine, anyway {ta played. It takes Christmas In vie smoking-car with hiv shoes off. Dig up his comin | the om it won't take him-toog to find the words he Sime totaet ae fet « pubaly looal coinyiaint-comimoa to my own fmmicdiale to show you aure how much your lady friends despise you. to-day and you will find It full of reeks, Upon hie arrival Ov, yes, Joe Miller has an office in Chie 860} seo ln Londan, ¥ i come section. pe “Don't I remember when I was on the rosa two Onrist- here he rented an offloe, write a Jot of motiackera On| to travelling Jos has « clty oMolal's automobile aldtnned to # Leeks, BEC "It la ouspomary,'I take ft here ta the warm-heaited 4 M a De Branscombe, who had our tilpa of paper, shook them up in a hat and prepared to ge | various t twinkle {n incandescents in front of theatres he writes Nawth, to shad tenre with great coplousness every tind & iter chipped sue by express & cut pines berry bow! all| . Into action. the comedien In thé world outside of Germany and Franos, party. of Southern gentleman make a set-plecs Gut or & ‘ eke eetien Ce a ‘otten somebody to sive her? Joo t@ w win when It comes to changing his face and personal appearance. Ot vouree he don't do all the work himeeif, Whenever he dvitvars a knock-out A lynching tn Arkanaaw appeart to be & sig: t eS tly helio) os vic peaatied Bi taoet Syprope | mometiines he burats into view aa a ehort, atout young man with a round, Jolly}an army of tnultatora gets busy. They think they are inproying on the {dean of wenerous editors of this and adjaceat ditlos to ‘And when I wrote thet Droke, too, she Pent! fece, and you know the minute you see him that if you ask who made his| wary, or Dick, or Googie, or Gus, or nome other bearing one of the numerour invite the opian, or Republican, race to move up here ae ee ee ony, oe aar-gompany should be dent | clothes he will anawer “Jim Tell.” On much vooaaions hin fret name ia Harty, but| aiinses of doo Miller, And old Joo ho qetn hin face magmared and fly sticee and be happy and content tn a land’ flowing 60 freely of a scream about how the with cere,’ and for mé to beyer his rea! name !s Joe Miller from the overture to onlling the carrlages. afiined and prepares to aetl_a noyelty to a manager wha wouldn't know a novelty A eattit? Late) entire populace needs gum boots, \ Those xy colored fri 0 oi had ‘marked !t ‘handle ait SU eeertataheteodld save seventeen Collars again she'd send me & Hour after hour he tolla each day, rewriting bis Jnke Book. grabs out , meelves of thie kind invitation secrraly, Giacover after sbout forty-elght hours tn your hospitable and — epee ues wile aymypathy ts @ lovely thing between. meuis, It is not, ee Pee ae fe Srmmpathy somehow appears to lack the staying quullites of cawn | oe : i . qualities of cawn SS ne “sn on ; Toledo and 1 ene pone and ta meat On the third day the newly arsived’ colored puseon ta ready ° Se ceameaart meme mies CATT on the Stage lustiied 2.2 £2 George BroadbUtst eteees setae ‘"OC course, a femlly of femalea hag erywhere, Declares other, of a gallop of qas for a apoontul of the da who avail ¢ When ho gets| if it woiked up to him and kicked him on the watoh nection, Siti Wel {Cn easy to eet she cgtn. new one, . gentlemen 4 ” united during the Christmas gift sseson, or the lItve-ones among your G 2 b ees friends will get eo busy effecting @ reconciliation that they'll forget all about ¢ y OSSes ee es : cet don't care what Mt ; * it he tramplee a Caucasian soft corn getting on ote of your Justiy "yf don't care what Mamma 5 fathoua Gubway trains some true Nawthern patriot with aq Old Crow breat _> By Charles. Darnton mo, oven if it's grabbed away from the five cent eounter, #0 long ae they don't will be mighty apt to put so: he can‘t brush off, ; to drop into a Nashyite ad time to wrench « leg 5 - “If be whould by acy misc! Unload any home-made gifts on. me. “Anybody mathe 5 hot -water bag for me or fries a plece of leather anny side Up and sends it as a cushion cover, ssying~l know you will appreciate i these more thin anything I could buy you,’ well, she and the goes to the mat, { “IT wish somebody would ‘Build A Nest For Birdie,’ as the séng says, be- cause I'm simply getting 20 sore on that set of skirta that I have to hold myself | | Gown hard in the Morris chair to keep from rough housing those desirable and | up-to-date apartments, #0 much doss Mamma De Branscombe and Puss Mon gomery got on my nerves wondering what Able Wogslebaum and Louis tner and Old Man Moneyton will give ‘em this Christmas “They're not overlooking a bet. They're at tho telephone in eight-hour of one eaoh, calling up everybody they oan remember, fram Mr. Burtag, the coffee troker, to Harry Trimmers, And they know ax well as I do that both these are dead cards, “But there they are. spleling sweet through the telephone ‘Where have you been, you mean thing, that you don't come up to the fat any more?’ “Of course, Dopey McI<night ts different. Dopey believes in Banta Claus, and spends his spare time going around the department stores and telling the Santa Clauses woes thero. what he wants “Dopey only wants two things for Christmas, He wants a 6tudebaker folding plano, sliding gear, selective type, three speeds forward and one reverse, make- and-break ignition, with Gabriel horn and start from the seat attachment: ‘The other thing Dopey wants \s the negro regiments that make noodle par- lora their parade grounds be disbanded without honor, “Dopey says if they'll ‘only pass a law to muster out the dingles from the Chinese Delmonicoes, he'll do any favor in his power in return and play the plano for anybody, anywhere, any time, and not ask for nothing -but one drink every ound. “Dopey says It almost takes away his appetite for chop euey to go in @ noodle Parlor and see the tar babies altting around right at homa,.and hitting Into the yok a main. fi “Dopey has no other prejudices but thewe on the color question. His people were planters at South Mend, Indiana, before the war, and even now he haz an Sunt that lives in South Norwalk, who sometimes sends him mousy. restaurant he would be und! proprie | Pra chatr, and then tt would be muddenly brought to hte attention that an aurore hey iad Ut in hie eye. On the other hand, ft appears that ne la ef pertect ety ito Petronize any fret-class caty in New York. About all thet will heppen fa tuat the lowly walters will forget 10 serve him and theyil atop the accidectal colé consummy down his forbearing spine and aplll the cesual tot mashed potato in his patient ear; and when, after waiting an hour or more, Ba atiees and starts to go elsewhere and get a little food internally, the manager aly shove @ aldeboard over on him and introduce him into’ the tenes. lated pattern of the hardwood floor, In either event, aul, you will observe that he geta ft; only where I come from the aus: not 50 prolonged. “Tn my own native commonwealth if a party of prominent ettisens start forth to violate the bellizh Fourteenth and Fifteenth amendments to our beloved Con. stitution thex know beyond the peradventure of « doutt, exactly what they ard after, and when they get him the incident shortly thereptter becomes ‘a closed one,® The Hoston Transcript has an editorial on Southern lawlessness which re- chives roe Ca to pass © given point, if much’ there be, and if the relatives ° eceaa ire to go imo half mournin, on one white glove aplece. Ce rn ON ats “But, I ask you, what we fod bere In liberty-loring New York, wh man, regurdiess of his colorShaa an even chanoa, {f he can Tees ‘What a3 we find to be the cae here? Let us suppose mn instance: A Past Grand Ber hausted Potentate of the Afro-American Sons and Daughters of Anogosity {@ returning from the lode to his peaceful home, For medicinal purposes he's tak- Ing a lit we in along with him. In order to be on the safe or outer #ide, he SSS put It where & cannot be spilled without : ees ee ‘ the use of stomach pump. fe “But on the street be becomes tnrolved tn an argement with aa foor walker for a prominent livery stable, In order to save his own ey a tures from damage he finds {t necessary to violently poke the dignttary of thé box stall upon the brow, Our colored friend {a thereupon constrained to hike £ Ean Juan Hill, closely pursued by several thousand disciples of William Lioy’ Garrison, who spend « few congenial and enjoyable hours wrecking w eolored prayer meeting and destroying every pronounced brunette they oan overtakes of iiscriminre: = Your intentions, swh, eppear to be muct tikes: oure, but your-wense- ris THIS. tien ln not so! eattes : Set j BIG Thm “Tam also willing to admit that in the South the colored men ts frequentty l t “The Man of the MHour.’’ “God help Justice while monoy and politics can control the Judges." From “They vote, but-we count.” | wat : | “The atr ts full of investigations, subpoenas and tndlotments, but I “Tye found by experience that {t makes a heap of difference whether |] notice that there are —— few rich men in jafl to-day, you go to see the other fellow or whether he comes to see you.” “Tt's mi; convenient at times to have your case oome up before i the right p i \ _ “People won't ask how you got the money, but ‘Tlave you got tt?” 1 HE MAN OF THE HOUR” was being “investigated” behind | on the stage. I believed that the theatre-going public, Itke the reading doors, On the first question Mr, Gearge Broadhurst, | Dublic, would be tnterested in the subject of graft, and this belief was borne B the gulty nothor, was {ndicted for evasion and sentenced to| out by the reception that the play mot with on the road. It wont out | ignae thoteom we eint ian tlay Ahearn ai men be drawn by Ketten and quartered by your humble soribbler. | without, ‘paper.’ without photographs, an4 without a ‘star.’ and after playing| Kanass, where ft la a weakly religious obeccrance 1 sos th sxoept “T¢ Horrigan is Muéphy, who's ——?” a clreult of towns near New York it went back over the route and playeld to | performance of this play, suh It wan at Mayfield, Ky., in my native State, and r wily witness, more than double its first receipts in every town.” still fest that the proprietor wes {ll-advised in presenting his entertainment tn “But Dopey says tf she knew he ever dined with dingies she go insane end pever forgtre him. But Dopey says the Chinese don't care. They'd sooner ‘sell chop eusy to # dosen dingies than to one white person, not because they lke them any better, but it's twelve times the money. “We wo shopping every day in the hopes of meeting somebody who'll buy us something. Maybe I whispered to you once that Mamma De Branscombe used ie “ errupted thi to commit kleptomantat i Fey aay intnded, with the aoverity of a nearlawyer when the| “Did you feel that you had done a daring thing in writing this playt” | te Neart of the gardening and poultry dott. I myself went dirvot tres ‘tha “Well, she guards azainst temptation by slipping one arm way through her “Why not?” I demanded lee ony, 1 green arocer's Where I had made a few purchases, to the town hall, where the theo iia ead hanhah teestuee (annie tie teas 5 eal ine | ot until a Now York manager who saw the play out of town sald to| troupe interested in the humble domicile of Uncle Thomas was snnounced to the: eorg: z | Sovenes ay the woods—no, the cities—are full of ‘boases,’” answered the | me: J think you've written a good play, and I'd Ifke to put {t on at my | pear, ao “In windy. weather Puss or Amy have to fake her qside and powder her nose | an ante aae Risin h |house, But I'm afraid to take the risk. My theatre doesn't conform to the “If my memory serves me arteht, the performance turned into a wort of for her, and it any person with an socordion neok inquires, she saya {t's juat | Witness with a smile fe nyt” oity ordinances, and they could closo me up.’ How's that for politios? Yot | Yeretsble and eae benefit, or an agricultural pound party, before the aot! ffor an slection bet ahe lost. “But doesn't Horrigan look Ifke @ cartoon of Murphy” he : ; . : ~ | the drama waa far advanced. The young lady known as Little Bran wes net "But yesterday Mamcia De Branscombe tacked into the tesit of the gale [think he does. But does Murphy look’ like his cartoon?" See inte ae theatre owned! by “ig Tim’ Sullivan. Rather odd, jan't (tT) tnithe shes Preparing to expire at some length, ax near as I might Sokoataees = @round Cape Flatiron, and her skirta went up and her hat went off, and it en him." ell, Phelan's not & bad. fellow.’ Bor Cecnes re rrnae tne Simomph ere \Decasne) Wo, Coe ged thal Léttte Dh Etbacesrnar lonnisheseoinontClaatuner eats Set tee geen | 1 don't know: i hyeinererase H “No,'" agreed Broadhumst; “he might be called a ‘sympathotio charaoter,”| !evmbent upon herself to adjourn her death to a victatty whery ure thought whe had escaped from custody, and the questions he asked pete Te Him sympathioa are on the right aide, anyway, The audtonce 1s with him | tyr gilow antors saw thelr panne Naaeiaaege ene ETN strange ranscombe raid she'd a slapped his face only her hande-was tied. lonest In. from the mament he says to Horrigan, ‘Some day I'm going to ‘ eoen thie ead miss “Say, kid, Dopey bei! Bam i a 0 die, Doesn't that let moe outT” he saya gan, 7 going Trop some- ut I may add at this juncture that while we do Cond and hate sett cian aan Ae ad penal hess lad ‘Cross my heart and hope t ‘boss’ has been | thing on you, and if it doesnt knock you flat I'll come back and walk | Cabin’ in Kentucky, netther do wo, have the Tot have "Unole ‘Tomy gays It'a perfectly correct to hang up Your stockings Bre, but don't “But I don’t want to let you out. And, anyway, your forget to leave your wad In them, or Santa Claus will pass you up, Clansman.’ ‘The Clansmen,' mh, cannot pln: ‘round you and see what's holding yon up.’. Hoe explains his methods of Banta Cl k hia Uttle Chris tified by wise New Yorkers.” “ 5 ‘The white oftizena will not allow It, uh, pei sere gants aoe seu ne He itmas trade, and tf you etn't | ident oil, he’s been identified, too, by the people in every town that ‘The pon rolling yoters by saying, ‘I turkey them in winter and picnic them in| ‘Purthermoah, you may have observed that Senator Tillman, |___ get no monay, well ‘ound, “Well, taited. at have you to say to that?” ournme} That line was suggested by a little incident at a club to which| the colored orphans, because he has assisted in making so man; the ériend Sad salina RRERRRRERR EEE ee of the Hew’ bas insite wW mh mneerewarennenierenersts f vt pride.” : Hating French dount-was-given-atwo.wsels’ card by on¢ of the mem. | the Cie Get (is papeeee thelr parents). never dallvarg vue ther Cy “Local <4 i 4 A [lecture on the Gentle Art of Lynohing’ in any olty betow T calavrated onan Cain, the Goat-Herd. you win. Every town has {ts Horrigan, We found that out on the bers. The count wished to stay on beyond the time, but Bis friend didn't | appreciable call for his ‘Household Hanging Mints ty ple Tine. There fy @o People came and told us so. Smith would say “Thatw Jones, all | care to renew his card for reasons best known to himsolf. Another mem- | rt 4s only, sub, tn places lke Vermilion, IM, and 12, or Newer Leama, p By Walter A. Sinolair. ay | Eoee: ‘claim, ‘Smith to the life!’ | ber, young chap, was anly too glad to accommodate the count, and in due to loye this old man. - Pereaide, Ind., that they wees ; right!’ And then Jones would come along and.ex \e time he was left with a number of tnpaid checks on his hands. ‘Nhe other (Gen. Bingham decided to leave Policeman Cain out with the goats.*—Item.) | So, I repeat, Why Murphy?” F 3 Clty Hall,” wee argued. member, who got out from under just in time, remarked, ‘Well, I didn’t PMR Manone Dh eae eae UT on the stretches of Washington Heights, LCOS ad Ni Rati ou took New York's. You eee, the| keep him here and I didn’t dine him at Delmontoo’s. I wheat-caked him at May Manton Ss aily Fashions 4 Pra Out where the blizzards how! fearful o’ night: we Dennett's.’ When I h od thing I'm not ashamed to une { it hi and the city hall was here, and Il, there 5. en eur A gor ng I'm not am use it Many of 4 ; Out where the Zool composed all of goats, sons ee UL ua ; the good lines in’ plays are picked up by authora. Take that one of Phelan’s aye © weeping rarmeat te : | Out where the natives are wrapped in fur coats, bela SSSI i about the girl of-his youth. ‘I lived in heayen. but when she threw mo down | ee, ular a9 the pa‘emen, tor eel ets | Out in the snow and tho haf! and the rain, “go [tye heard,” remarked the hopelessly innocetit Broadhurst, “But | my address changed to No. 23 Lomon treet.’ \Where do you suppore I got | boys af irstt| There you will find him, bold Officer Cafni ‘big-city ‘bosses,’ you know—Cox in Cincinnat!, Durham in | ‘23;Lemon street?’ In Lancaster, Pa, I waa walking back from rehearsal | Ea ee aor te Francisco, and others that I might mention if I} one day with Douglas Fairbanks, when he noticed the name of the street | Terror ef singers ee : ; ‘ | i could remember their names, If New Yorkers havo recognized Horrigan | and then saw ‘28’ on a house that we were passing. ‘Great!’ he exclaimed, | And fancy cane swingers; Gosa not, and are altogether thoroughly, “ 2 B20 . ‘I'll uso it.’ ‘Gly it to me,’ he! , Gents with Moh, stlvered notes. Murphy, I’m_willing to let It go at that’ ‘23 Lemon street.’ ‘Immense!’ I agreed. ‘I’ ; i , | 'Squtre of dames, : iG pea axs the benefit without the responsibility?” pleaded.~*No, I'll give it to Phelan,’ J sald. "Well, I like that,’ sald Fair ‘The mutt bain ee: Wh adjustadle names; ; “t'm not lwoking for responsibility,” he lauzhed. banks, but of course he didn’t, I know a funny line when I hear one, and | aeees ae elon, fs made of chop Cain has gone out to the goat. ; Well, then, !f Horrigan is—or lan't—Murphy, who's Phelan?” I don't care whore it comes from. Tho funniest line in the play, to’ my | i i weized either the h . = patie: “Ho's a composite characten” mind, is Phelan’a description of Ce core eat UIE ‘He's @ game) simple flanmeletter, the sotton chertots 4 Qut where the landscape ts crowded witt air, a ‘ullivan ?* ( bird, but he files funny,’ * ‘ Hes Drama ne earsenmone money noes tals, Seka aa ener one of those fellows who writes his own stuff,| ‘The funny part of it {s that word ‘funny,'.” I remarked. “Tt comes as a tod madres or tf a ati haadeomer sit pain) venkat va end ebiotlat alert) 1 took BIN Devery. I don't mind telling you that,” surprise,” : ‘9 aestred, ponges,, et Qut where the frost conta the ear-rims these nights, sd “Because Phelan {s ‘on the level?” © “Bxactly. There are threo ways of gofting a ‘laugh’ on the stage—the ‘The quantity of metested required for’ i Pounding colt feet through somo grass-covered jane.’ “Bocause he happens to be in this case, He's on the honest side of the |laugh of surprise, the laugh of anticipation and the Mugh of realization. pg medium, steo en years) to 5 yarts | Fiveeaenee epee ret bold Ue Cala: » s franchise bill mot because he is honest, necessarily, but because he {s out | Although “The Man of the Hour’ {s a serious play I wus careful not-to make a) a4 Eeroted 00 tncines wits, | i Warmed dy reflection, - to down Horrigan. ‘That's all he cares about. He gets on‘the good side of | it too serious... Iwas also careful not to preach, [ have put*my sermon'into eee Ta Ro. SESS & Gat mm stwes for, + | And chilled by defection, the audience by being the friend of the hero, Haven't you ever noticed that | one llna:-'God help justice while money and politics can contro) the judge!’ See eeu ton, twebpeend foun | O'er the warm past he abil! gloats, the friend of the hero {s the next best part in a play ff ho {sa comedian?” | Why preach? The stago cannot reform conditions, All that tt can do Is yeaa of aga, t 5 Far froin Sheepfola i “And ts Mayc MoCleflan the original of your hero?” : to show them as they are, and that fa all that [ have tried to do im this ee Ju ‘And out 4n the cald, i “He is not, believe me.” ben play, Horrigan's commentary on conditions puts the case brie SaRODSRIEN Waste rs Cain has gone out to the goats. I couldn't belieye him, but I smothered my suspicion in the desperate | fs full of Investigalons, subpoenas eect ndlosine nes but I notice there are a jin sr by mai g remark, ‘You must have had some one In mind.” ia few rich men in fail to-ley.’ And again, when ho says to tho scared mil- Pi eteaelg el ate i MORAL: , “perhaps it was Mrs, Burton Harrison's son, He was oleoted to Con-|lionaire: ‘You'll have the money when this has blown over, and people mee ube) mone PHae AU Toni tas, ule eas ttle isbell gress by Tammany, you know; aud perhaps I wondored what lie would do | won't ask how you got {t~they'll only ask “Have you got itt’? And READIES aboh Obtatn Hf needy. ~thind — screst, eae “Do not raise Cain unless you are able.” ‘ ntter he got there.” : don’t they?” ve Props he did, and p'taps ho dldn’t, ay “What do you know about Tammany?" I asked. | Fy ® Odd Trait in Horses. “Nothing,” was the answer. “I've never been {n Tammany Hall, and Salmon’s Strange Feat. Py; A HORSE who haa alwaya been made to obey quickly will respond to com-| I've never been in the Muyor's office elther, But I’ve read the newspapers Ho 4 fish story: A sportaman fishing for aalmon tn one of the streams These } tor each pat pee Wattorns, { IMPORTANT — write ey Bi your name and address plainly, and always 4 specity aize wanted. mands from any one. whereas the cronture who has been petted and, and the magazines, So have the people all over tho country, The nows- thal run’ into the Gulf of Lawrence discovered a spot where he wan talked to accords, unless hungry, scant attention to any one, We talk Cees sp ii | coaxineed that a salmon Ought to be lying, As he mads his way through ungrY, agar ye edueated ‘tho: st 1 | yithroug to horses altogether too much, and It Wsa-ailly und dangerous custom,’ declares | PBPCTS, ANd..tho magazines have. o Rep an HG Iotereet ni Brace Hag); 1 wound around ts hat became loomened, As the ¥. M. Waro in a ourrent magazine. He addw that the animal's attention is kept i the bushos a cast wh! become a national frame of mind. Tom Lawson and other writers have | sportsman peered over nik a fly on the loose cast gently touched the water, i if the rider or deiver is silent, the horse's anxiety being always ¢o find out’ wnat | been the toachera, and the public has learned its lesson. Everybody knows |'Tmmedintely a.acinion seized lt and rushed away Upstream, currying both hook ; Pale eater Wim Ck aca mn i meh shins | about mratt, and Ak waa the reallgation of thia taat that led me to put graft | and han GRaseie - Seca l i