The evening world. Newspaper, November 15, 1906, Page 18

park Row, New York all Matter. Selah tht NO, 16,522, WHEN THE BURGLAR CALLS. Ordinary burglars areas industrious this-f their high financial —“Ymilators in the Wail street life insurance companies and taitroad-boards, is easy to distinguish between them, because the common burglars call Wall street burglars collect through em- the Press Publishing Company, No. 62 to © at the Post-Ofice at New York as Second-Class ih gents by day What'to:do when the burg! a question on which such aus thorities as Mark Twain, Justice Dickey, of the Supreme Court, and Supt. MeQuaide, of the Pittsburg police, differ-in. their advice. They unite in warning the bur; family not to interfere with the burglar unless they take careful precautions, and Mark Twain and Justice Dickey. oppose fighting bur; =) So-many burglari superintendent has pre occur every night in Pittsburg that Its police ared. a formial-statement-for the guidance-of s shouseholders. He Says that-a_po- lice whistle is better than a revolver, and: that if’ revolver is kept it should not be put under the pillow, because that is a place where a burglar would expect to find it, The Pittsburg official policy Is to, hide the revolver under the bed and then to wait until the burglar has finished and shoot him in the back as he departs with his booty. If possible the police whistle should be a ‘ blown beforehand to frighten off the pburglar, and in any eyent should be blown after tht shooting, ‘It would seem that this might be improved on by equipping Pitts- jurg houses with automatic police whistles, which would begin to whistle sas soon-as the burglar-started to enter the premises and would continue whistling until the poficeman arived. In New York this police whistle advice would be futile In most lo- sce Pealities. In many residential neighborhoods it would require-a steam fog- ‘Mio to summon a policeman, and the burglar would have had time to & the plano before the policeman came. Justice Dickey’s advice is better fitted-to local conditions. He in- —« “structed his family that whenever a burglar called they were all to be sound asleep, and under no circumstances to have nightmares or to-snore —‘gr do anything else that might disturb-the burglar. 2 This advice worked well, because when dhe burglars entered the ‘house of Justice Dickey’s family everybody kept quiet and the burglars ook away so much booty that they were trited and captured. Mark Twain, in his autobiography in the North American Review, gives more entertaining advice than elther the Chief of Police or the Mudge. He had his house equipped with burglar alarms and an annun- clator, so that he could tellin what part of the house the burglar was _ operating. ‘i When the burglar called on Mark Twain, Mrs. Clemens awoke her husband and told him that the burglar alarm In the cellar had gone off, He replied that the burglar was-doubtless hungry and that they might _as well take a nap for fifteen minutes while the burglar lunched. The next alarm was in the dining-room. Here, Mark Twain recalled, the {plated silverware was stored} also that the gas company was furnishing bad light and the burglar would probably be deceived into thinking. the tilver was solid. There were no more burglar alarms, and the next morning Mark —tPwairrfound-the-plated-silver at the end of-histot-under-a-streetlamp, is k Twain's annun- ——From-these-various-stig gestions a com nnaition-of tet most vada ie sIdeas might be fest for the average householder. — Mar wclator burglar alarm could be improved by the addition of chimes, A begin dinning in the burgla#s ears an argument onthe folly of being} B common burglar instead of a high financier, igestion from Pittsburg should be enlarged to a_calliope. It will be noted that none of these eminent counsel advises tackling -fhe-burglar in-person, Also that in no case was the burglar hidden ander. the bed. ~ Letters from the People. Post-Office Inadequacter ex W¥s- Wis “Katar-ot- The Evening Ti I have to go every Sats the post-office to ket a domenile ronan F-find a. line,often 0s Weep, before the window awhile two windows. are ef one. But even so, ‘of trom ten to thirty minutes big city's general post-officé this # and enter- has a gen m. this wa can 96 care whether @ A WIFE, Ethics, Here's a Wine Point in stand me as a pretty cheap pi 5 comes. up Can't New York afford one or two ex-| n Amet- i tra money order windows? It couldn't oMice to} a be worne In a country village a get stamps acter 6 P. M. one has to, wander about haifa mile to the Very per pouthernmost end of the building torone ff he Jonely window. Oh, brace up, Mr. Post-/a tet master! This isn't the backwoods! | A PYF. De 2p the wale Thi ri | x el t » AY ft rortas }" 1 read about tha ning renita a resident of the U 4 t 0) Btates Jogaily run for office more than men twice In succossion? H MARTIN. Richmond 311). Sir Henry Campbell Wo the Faltor of The Ey herman, | mal." ‘That ty n: better care of th To the Editor of The Eventkg World: In an up-State town there widow and a widonver, The wiiow had ja daughter and the widower had p eon, (The whtower married the daughter and 6 ‘What care thoy knows bow to cook or not? —phonograph with a megaphone attachment might be added, which would | The police whistle sug- ~ agin to think of these things after wmarriage. Before, tt {s almply the mao- (mer tn waich she makes herelf at- Meractive, J bave tn mind a pretty, the @oa married the witow, Reader, what nefation to the father f& the mona and the widow t Ger daughter? The fash who ied en emiatle gir of about twenty employed hg & stenographer, who; ¢ The Evening World’s Daily Magazine? Thursday; November 15, 1906? Elies By J. Campbell Cory: ! THE JARR FAMILY % “Bxe snapped Mra, Jarr, "You make me miserable and you know st And fore b-wne-pienninaond—aving to-gat you something nice! oh?" sald Mrr-Sarr; hositat: thing for Christmas for af presents,“ —enid Mrs- Sarr: } Jarr, ‘what do you want to eaid Mr psbaw spol the Christemns-tun-ter?—A-chtid-hasn't- any fun d new curtains in the dining-room, and a rug for in front of my ¢ My gs to break and so much candy to eat It aA soln, get Oiem Yor you, b you Go not apprectato-anything at's J replied Mrs, Jarr, " want anything except for you to Japprecinte the curtains and the g sct and an overcoat for you?” st, I won't have any d{suppoint- Get-meaton of sible wit sek E ttle Emma and Wilile fight jrug, but fen't it a lit “That's abo nu nal, too! ae “that's Just how the children will feel , warm sift and a new overcoat. school but it's..toa+ w what I'v mir-peopie always send it doemn’t pay to tue mmat to get ff it wasn't for the fve and ten cei nk—-you-shou By Roy L. McCardell Love AfFarrs = D Fx by Ftzrola Greeley—Statl; 3 No. 2—Fhe Duke of Wellington’s Life Romance, bs GO owoman-evertoved-me; never th my whote tlfert N Thiy wns the answer of the Duke of Wellington to-n—wemnen—whe-aaked him If te tad -not-besn sitlated by the admiration and enthusiasm of other women. But the Iron ‘Du For Lady Pookenham, the girl he him-to return from: India And a woman oan give no greater n than steadfastness during years of | years h shines in history with the in that’ set at Waterloo, like his romance alowly, He met Lady plain Captain Wellesley, apd pro- ad not enolgh money t+ commena the Earl of Langford, and dls sult was refused. ady berlne, however, told him that she would always «mstdor horself engaged to him, and he left for India wah his regiment. 174 was away nino years—two years longer than Jacob secved for Rachel and then had Leah handed to him, according to the Blbitcal allegory which some people interpret literally, but which, it fa wiver to beltere, moat Englisi Catherine when posed to her. But him to her father, | ~~ Nine Years’ of Probation. oy referred morely to tha difference between the Aleal girl you were engaged to and the real girl you dinoover after marriage. i Durtng all this time Lay Catherine was constant to the young’ officer's memory, When they parted she wus a noted beauty at the vicetegal Court at Dublin, But not toyg after his departure he suffered an attack of smrull-pox, which, needless to say, greatly fm- paired her appearance, What! she endured Muring ‘the nine years Wellington was away can be {magined. They did not correspond, and ‘at no time could she have been certain that some garrison beauty tn India might not have power to awerye the young officer from his devotion to her, or that on his re- tum hts love enfght vanish at sizit of paired toveliness. : When Wellington returned fro: dia the young woman, though all her thoughts and hopes had centred m for so many years, trembllngly offered to relleve him from his e: But Wellington scoffed at her fears, told her he loved her more than ever, and merried her. =a "Iam happy to see at my court 60 bright an example of constancy!" sald Queen Charlotte when the bride was prevented at court. ‘Rut did you really never write one letter to Siz Arthur during his long absence? ot one, madam," was the reply. : “And @@ you never think of fim?" the Queen persisted. ‘*Yos, cnadam, very often." Nine years later Maria Edgeworth, the novelist, wrote to a momber of the Langtord tumiiy; atow ‘Lady Wellington must be @ at this glorious victory! Had you in: your paper an on Marriage count of her running as fast as ehe could to Lord Burg Proved whon he alighted, to lear the news of her husband? Buole Unhappy. eathualasm!"' Nevertheless the Wellingtons were not hap- py. History, unfortunately; takes us behind the rose- colored curtain which “the novelist discreetly drops at the altar, Often in moments of dospondency succeeding a domestic broil the Ire Duke would sa: “There 4s nothtng in the world worth living for!’ Wellington had a very Ao Would have sanftted hink for a happy de aATh Of the Duchess he saw aay Httle of her. But hy Inst illness ‘acemed to bring about a revival of his Pp early attachment for her and he nursed her with indefatigable devotion. New York Thro’ Funny Glasses, By Irvin S. Cobb, Oman The Mixed Drink’s Home—(Bat It Moved). ARTIES from a distance who Inbor under the tmpres P sion that thla fa the home of the mixed drink ere often pained to find none of the family at home. | Perhaps {t ts true that most of them are born here, but tow Femain long in our midst. They settle in communities where the Imhabitants have the leisure to sift their drinks into themaelves in broken doses, Bolow the Ohio River 4t tekes a toddy about nino times ms long to pass a given point, percolating southward into a gentleman, as {t doom, here in the hurried East. A visiting delegate from Now Orleans or Louisville feole a desire to do a little interior quenching. Ho enters one of our largest, shinlest and most uncomfortable .recupera- torica, Thore ho beholds several natives splashing the alco- holle surf against the larynx and other Latin portions of tho throat with an abandon betokening grent haste, ‘The tide rises fast in this town, Gentlemen engaged In tho self-pickling industry go afier quch-drink as ftwara the last trvin for Yonkers and they feared they'd miles ft. Lut thes TH ReNtieman bethMky him of the drinks Indigenous to hte own fatr clime—drinks that his fathers taught him came trom New York—originally— ANG WIth courteous Brace he asks {he barkéep for @ aherry cobbler, “We don't handle them fancy pastries," replies the barkeep,;“or if Ita @ soomaker you want, youl find one on tho next block.’ i "Ahi" says the startled visitor, “maybe I'd better take a sangares. You know what a sangarce ts "Sure,"’ replies the brother {n white! 80: yourn.” So the bew!ldered Souther going elsowhere, asks t “It's n flat fish with a-mtinger tn its sport, do you tiink.this Is a Bird and animal atore? Sixth /ayenoo fot’ lows two or threo stralghts nervously, and, ever heard of a mint smash, Appreciate the renv If they are #o grand y noed—tise have dolls and those a: I “That's a nice best Jud looks as for s talk ¥ a wants we are playing it pretty tow on the youngsters!" a to Bay! exclaim nst_the-ehildren know awh wet of dolls and a doll-house, zn and a horn and g slr wnderet Aols stmas than all the shoos and h ‘ou.won't do anything of the kin Jar!” snapped his lady. promisnd-them a Christmas te, toot 1 Ul Me WOK OF Uihiming it, and ys those ornamonts cost terrible, and they aro so-brittle the: n't last, no matter | how -youctry:t ‘s = + rod ne pint nge-tetenainth—tuat—the erm 's think tho Why, {t's lie: try_to ¢ worst of me! uarrel with me, and They told said Mr and n toy train of cars Hd would rather hav 1 could buy. Ii gutem_toya “You brought 1t up. Go nhead and I've made up my. mind they att have c owas I? Am 17 “Woll, cf allt {a wite, "Wh for. the last ngur?. them to have "re muro to disappoint the poor rowing dépend t clae have you bee some toys, too. If Teele" things” anid oy “Chris en but once a year and I want to see everybody happy The Automobile Drawing Room of the Future axcomea | aby on your people thi Jars. Strange Facts. {n Germany, 1,00 ren thad their teeth the result teeth were fo urtyefve of the] of teeth, ard in| y-condlt per cent. of to.bo defective. ©. children, had sound sc directly dus to poor te { do men need?! Jere! ay jor was’ content with threo | hours, Baxter with four, Wesley with | nix, 4 Vindstono with rl ‘apoleon, Boau they less. Incapacitated. | tf] S tho “extra han rose from his | h dinner tn the farm’ kitch the formers son informed that} he was to pitch hay in the afternoon. "I won't do {t,"" was: his curt rep); Hight, plouve yourself, It doean any ‘aittorence to me, retort ftermera caerd are 2 ing tot fa to deliver th Tpamare, and (t Fou mé to ) i into trouble with won't it er you or re BOs Toe or gee a ha’ Roney t dinn: T plgg melted, “ang ion'f, pitch you' it ie pete ‘ tr 1 i —Lendon Sketon. The whole clvitized world tp auto mad ft le only a step-from autc coats, auto-hate, @o, to auto-furnl- ture. Mr. Honk-Honk Panhard, according to an unofficlal forecast, has already planned the accompanying pretty-domestio ecene, which will become a reality as econ at the/reat of his fellow-men become auto-cdugal po Ite ; soil “Tatar vos Pr jicre never smashed,” answers the Perfores the bottle by a firm by the same fora} peroentage-of_varnizi At tho next stopp! Where he comes fro rin New Jersey who also make furniture poltyh 'y leaving out the cherries and increasing the baste place our hero grows desperate and orders a plain jutep, the Julep ts a chante and almplo yet emtrancing thing, forming the corneratone of society and the capsheaf of civilization, It fs invariably — froo from surpicion of harboring any forelgn subject-matter whatsoever, But jn-our-town, when.a barkeop.makes cp he Ales all-the things thet ore-used-to-trlma-planked,atcak with Tha Southerner lurrowa-theough-the-prve- served fruite, shrubbery and canned vegetables and ts finally rewarded with’an amber liquid tasting something like the back end ofa tin-type gallery, +uvhere' he wanly- inquires. “where did you learn to m: “In the real home of the Julep," eays the barkeep, proudly PART: Southern visitors often complain {hat_oura ts an We-wonder wh ond unfinished 2 ’« Walter A, Sinclair. i (CrThe sevencmaster Thomas WW, Lawson haa been humbled Into a Btendars Of tants WAS the schooner Thomas Lawson, finest seven-masted craft, With a bunoh of saflors for’ard afd « gallant captain aft, But the story of the Lawson Is a tale that’s werd and odd, ‘Oh! the winda blow harsh ‘round Boston, Dlow with ditter winter blasts The Loss.of the Thomas Lawson. eh{p,"’ —Iteen.) ‘i I Never sailed a Miner packet from Cape Porpoise to Cape Cod} But they do not blow the rigging of the ship with seven masts, ‘Twas-the schooner Thomas Lawson, and $t sailed away to fame With a crew and guilant captain and an awe-lnspiring name. But beneath the ocean veriant, where the deep-nca fishes fuss, Lurked the terror of the sailor, lurked the bald-head octopus, And its .tentacles with aystom oscillated fore and att, Reaching blindly for the Lawson, gallant seven-masted craft. Oh, the horror of that gmpple when Its hooks closed én that ship, How its feelers tore the rigging, how the canvas all went rip! "Tis too shocking to relate It. bow It made the waters boll: How it wrecked the jaunty Lawson, while the decks ran thick with oll, Haw the go0d ship labored ready to preserve {ts honored name, ~ HTM Its.captor towed It, humbled, to a Ife of lowly shame, On the Gult ‘twixt here agd Texas, by each havghty wavolet kicked, Towed by ocean-going tux-boals, ridvs a ghostly derelict; Just tho apectre of the schooner that once walled away to fame, Just look closer and you'll see that Thomas Lawson is its nam Oh, the winds howl loud ‘round Boston, but the Gulf ts tar away; ‘And you've heard the doleful atory of the octopus's prey, > be Odd Change in French Army. NE of the principal reasons for the final abandonment of the dru French army is the new short-term service. It takes a year and make a drummer, 90 that no sconer would the French drumimer hegin-to get. eeady.to return-to civil Ute