The evening world. Newspaper, February 28, 1906, Page 15

whe xwvening wWeoria’s sscO MSG magazine, Wednesday ctvening, February 28, 1900. THE LOG OF NOAH'S RRK & (Copyright by Walt MoDougall.) Mrs.Nageg and Mr.-- By Roy L. McCardell. ‘D happened to Clara Mudridge, Mr.Nagg? Well, {t's no more than I expected, and It all goes to show that there's no use trying to please a man! happened her, You ask? Oh, I don’t suppose you are what happened any of my friends, because you are not inter- ested in anything I am interested in. ‘And that's just like a man. Susan Terwiliizer used to tell me that It mearly drove her wild the way her husband used to act. She could never get Mr. Terwilliger interested enough fn any! use of living with a man and trying to keep good-natured if that man is the sort of man Mr. Terwilliger was! Susan Terwilliger has told me a hun- dred times if she told me once that the way that man used to grin at her end say ‘Oh, all right!’ when she was trying to gct him interested enough to be angry, would have driven a saint wild! “All men are just alike. I do not Delieve you take interest enough in anything I do to get angry. And that’s why we do not get along as mcmones. well as we should. Look at Mr. and! Mrs. Cheeyskait. Whenever there 4s any company around they are al- ‘Ways calling each other ‘dear’ and ‘sweetheart,’ and yet Mrs. Dubb was telling me that they hated each other Uke poison and would have been di- ‘yorced long ago only it cost so much, and Mr. Cheepskait was permanently out of work, and so they found it fwas cheaper for them to live together than to separate! “Not that Mrs. Dubb would say one word against them, even if they do we her money and she holds their trunk; although much good that will ‘What ng to be angry. What's the Devised and Illustrated By Walk McDougall. ! j Who can see through NO. 8.—THE ELEPHANT INSISTS ON TRAVELLING FIRST CLASS. * © This Log Was Kept by Noah’s Third Son, JAPHET, and ts Hero Turned Into Versified Vernacular by ALBERT PAYSON TERHUNE. * * * eee Feb. 28, 248 B. C. HE Elephant got sore to-day "Cause folks kept getting in his way. He said it was 80 sammed below “This cabin’s good enough for me!" We shoved and hauled till we were il; He wagged his trunk and just stood still. Till Shem's wife whispers, “Eiephants Are scared of mice. So here’s my chance. There's nothing like a mouse to clear Your flat of clephants, I hear.” She says out loud. Too bad it's overrun with mice!" ‘his room's real nice; ‘do her when there {sn’t anything in the trunk except some old duds that she wouldn't wear; but Mrs. Dubb He hadn't room to stir, and so He marched to Shem’s room and, says he: The Elephant lets out one yell And rushes for the hold, pell-mcll. Pa tent down to dnvestigate The kick about thete crowded state, Most of the beasts dnformed him that ‘Twas toorse than any Harlem flat. The Goat remarks with humor faint, “There's not enough room for complaint.” Says Pa: "THAT joke will never float The proverb: ‘Funnier’n a goat! You critters think you're in a pinch, But really you've a cast-iron cinch, Suppose you were obliged to chance it In Gotham's rush-hour rapid transit!” They shuddered as they pondered saaly; All but the Hogs, who grunted gladly, The Polecat and the Porcupine, Who happened to be newt in line, Said: “What's the sense of all this fuse? You'll notice no one’s crowdin’ US!” I wish I'd staycd ashore and missed My fob as Ark-aeologist! (For further details see Sriday’s Bvening World, this page.) told me herself that she was glad when they left the house because they @ever paid, were all the time quar Felling when they were alone to gether, and when they came down to the table to thelr meals they used to turn up their noses at everything, and Mrs. Dubb prides herself on her table. “What has this to do with Clara Mudridge, you ask? I am sorry, Mr. ‘Nags, if what I am trying to tell you, if you only would not inter- Tupt, doesn’t interest you! “Imagine paying $12 for a pair of shoes! Of course she has plenty of money, but if I ha’ all the money in the world I wouldn't pay $12 for a pair of shoes! But at the same time there is no economy wearlng a three-and-a-half shoe. I’m speaking of the price now, Mr. Nagg; not the size. I only wear twos, D last, but as I said, shoes won't last, and they never hold their shape unless you keep them on trees. “And don’t go near the water, you say? What are you talking about? What am I talking about, you ask, Mr. Nagg? Well, if you would only pay attention. I have been trying for the ‘ast half hour to tell you that Clara Mudridge turned her ankle from wearing high heels because her husband admires her in high-heeled shoes, and she won't be able to go out of the house for a week! “Is that all? Yes, that’s all, and if you can’t speak to me without sneer please don’t speak to me at all!” The Evening World Primer. By Rob Thompson, The Lovers. THAL softly into the Par- lor and Look Through vhe Cur- tains at the Lovers. They are Sitting tn the Dark Holding Hands ow bud. Every once in a Witile you will Hear a sound like Pull- ‘mg your Foot out of a Wet Rubber. That js a Kiss. The Lovers make this sound Prequently. They are very Pe- cular, the Lovers. In the Winter they owl Barricade themselves in the Back Parlor, turn Down the Gas and Draw the Blixis for Fear the Joneses across the Street will see them. But in the Summer they will sit on the Pront Seat of a Coney Island trolley end swap chaste salutes before a Carload of over Fifty Strangere and think gt is all to the Propriety. Insectville Repartee. wee Mr. Sna!l—Business ts pretty slow these days. Dr. Grasshopper—Oh, I don't know. I'm kept on the jump most of the time, Practical Arithmetic. TEACHER received the following from a complaining parent a few days ago: Sir—Will you please for the future give my boy some eesier somes to do at nites. This what he brought home two or three nites ago; {i fore gallins of bere will fll thirty-two pint bottles, how many pint and a,half bottles will nine gallins Ml? Well, we tried, and could make nothing of # all, and my boy erled and sed he wouldn't @o back without doing It. So I had to go and buy a nine-gallon keg of bere, which I could ili afford to do, and then he-went and borrowed & lot of wine and brandy bottles, besides a few we had by us, ‘ell, we emptied the keg Into, the bottles ani ther were , an THE WIFE WITH A NOSE. By Nixola Greeley-Smith. HERE was a newspaper story several days ago about I @ ~ife who, perceiving @ suspicious perfume on her husband's clothes, finally discovered her rival by smelling out the same scent on @ good-looking woman in a department stare, and, following {t, confronted her guilty spouse. The obvious moral in this little incident for wives 1s to cultivate the sepse of smell, What the moral for the rest of us is—wefl, really, all I oan eee is that we shouldn't use perfumes; and that doesn't sound like a moral at ell, does itt Of course we know that we should all So live that when our summons comes to join ‘The innumerable caravan which moves - ‘Through those department realms where each may take All that our substance or our lords can buy, Though we go perfumed with white rose or musk, Or any other horrible smell that blends ‘With groceries and stale soda, we shall feel The keenest nose on the most jealous wife Should track us to the portals of our homes And find us knitting stockings for the poor. But somo of us, even though we do nothing to merit #, are bound to fall victims to the wifely superstition that the beach lost its only pebble when the poor old “Lohengrin March” was sacrificed for the millionth time as she walked wp the aisle. The chief effect of this story_of the wife with a nose, eo far as T am con- ‘eerned, {8 to destroy my most chenished deluston about men. I really and truly Delleved that a man of any fastidiousness hated perfumes. They all say they @o. But how can we tell now, whether they really do or are only afraid :that thoy are being marked for {dent{fication by our hated rivals—the other women fwho want to marry them. Guy ‘de Maupassant has e very subtle short story About two women rivals fm the affections of a porfidious Frenchman, who discover eadh other's exist- @nce by finding 4ifferent colored pins'on the floor of his atudio, But the Amertcan wife with tho discriminating nose ha» surpassed even the fost ‘tronic fancy of the master of French prose. And yot, after all, there are infinite possibiiities of unjust suspicion ana fn the tale. t (Many an innocent man has gone home with a hint of perfume ‘not contained © Iie wife's dressing table on ‘his clothes, for no worse reason than because he gat next to a lady with Ortental ideas in regard to the quantity of aweet itor sho should exhale in the Subway, Tt behooves wi not ty emulate our friend with the sense of ismell too closely. It i» better, we know, to tet a thousand oriminals escape rather than That one innocent husband should suffer unjustly. HINTS FOR THE HOME. pint of new milk, 2 quart of water| top. Brown in the oven anti serve as and some bredd crumbs, Wlavor the} Wickly as le. milk and water with salt, mt it over/Rice Pudding. NE email teacup rice, 8-4 cup sugmy, Yquart milk, nutmeg grated, Soak , the Swhter and enfik, place in @ deep one hour, stir often,. Balke two Gish, sprinkle with some of the grated ‘ : oe: Rabe ape) oe is onsen Do net stir fT is not enough that you ere beauti- ful and hi and worth millions, and popular. To be a success in society one must Miss Gladys Deacon, whose beauty, tt wilt be remembered, has set half the world wild with admiration and turned the heads even of those destined to wear crowns. has one odd fancy. She turing her hose in gay colors, but never any two @tockings alike. Cynthia Roche, _ BETTY’S BALM FOR LOVERS. @ divorce. If he ignored his obligations to his wife, how could you expect him who, Reeves and Laura Swan, with Natica composed the Glggling Trio, that sat and giggled and giggled on the beach after Miss Roche insist that her dog Jack, a blooded to be true to you? Better try to forget bull termer, shall wear @ perasel on him, and strive to see something attrac- hot days, amt so Jack, with a paraso tive in the unmarried man, that matches exactly the one carried by , p seg hracerap ean ipl celberalieitd Why Doesn’t She Write. parasol beings upheld by @ apecial jowel.| She Loves a Married Man, | pear Betty: i Ey i B aE i Fy promines:t of the milifonaire cot- j i tl dt ibe bis rth cpg one of the richest and ani Take ea does care f eighteen and am @ married man who bia wife of one | AM a young man, twen imine. ty-three years old and in love with a cousin of She is twenty-five. taken @ it Interest in her, I have in Nor twlos a week, I have had eavel Miss Reeves from drowning, has her fad. It ts sick kittens, She established a sanitarium for sick kittens at the cottage of her mother, Mrs. Burke- Roche. Another young Newport belle, mem- NYTHING funnler than tho plays A a@t Wallack's and Belasco's may seem impossible to thentregoers “atmosphere” that is made while you walt, yet “The Squaw Man's Girl of the Golden West” hita the tra!l to many a good laugh at Weber's Music Hall. Wild Western meloframa has been tamed by Mr. Edgar Smith with a gentle and humorous hand. We nesd be afraid no longer. We may go and take the children—only take them to Weber's first, Then they will be able to seo tha Joke, Mr. Smith has simplified his ‘“at- mosphere” by putting it in pafis. It is Drought out at the beginning and dumped on elther side of the staize, and in order that the audience may “atmosphere” know when they sce it There's All Kinds Of “Atmosphere”’ in “The Squaw Man’s Girl?’ sho exclaims: “A road agent! I might have known that no decent man would allow himself to be caught here alone with me." : Mr, Weber strikes a pathetic note of humor as a hopelessly good “bad man,’ who yearns to live up to his awtul reputation for the sake of his Ah-Let Me Kill Someone Will Yer — the two little piles of sand are properly labelled. This Elizabethan simplicity is only one touch of nature that makes the whole Weber-world kin. A blizsard with lightning is added proof that Stage Manager Al M. Holbrook beats the weather bureau for “atmosphere.” As “The Girl" remarks when the snow 4g falling in her front parlor, “It's al} right ff the flymen are fond of you.” This “good-natured ewat at the popu- lar craze for atmospheric melodrama” jw aa pure as the paper snow. Profanity is cut short with the warning: ‘You've got to stop that swearlng—you're not m Wallack's or Belasco's now.” Miss Dressler as “The Girl" regret~ fully remarks that she ie just what she jooks Uke—"'a bum saloonkeeper'—dut with her red coat and her hair tied with green ribbon she looks more like a third-alarm fire on St. Patrick's day than anything elas, Bhe tries to behave herself, impossible as this may seem, and Lee Harrison, disguised as a bar- tender, helps her to run a respectable place, She {s a good-hearted girl, too, ‘and ehe sleeps on the fire while Mister Johngon, the road agent, 1s given thi bed and an extra blanket of snow. even forgives him for not belng a wine ) Joe feber ‘The oad an poor old mother in the East, Edward J, Connelly, as the Sheriff who loses his game, even whon It tp checkers, looks enough like Frank Keenan to be on the Belasco salary list. With Mr, Con- nelly, however, resemblance to the Kain Spcbreead deging and ends, mest ‘bert, es the Greeny “Squaw Man" and road agent, meki @ stagger at William Faversham's loose- jointed stride, but as “The Girl” says, “There Js only one man in the world who walks Ilke that.” It may interest Mr, Faversham to know that his legs are still his own. As to Topictowna, an Indian chief, Charles A. Bigelow assumes a new and strange beauty without the ald of Col. Mann whiskers, and Miss May Montfort 1s Scratchoritoh, his daughter, with @ carelessly-edited family that keeps “The Squaw Man" from malting her one of his fads and ‘fancies Miss ‘Bonnie Magin makes Little Hal a great deal langer than ‘The Poor Little Red Pappoose” she sings about, but then Pappovees are always large for their age at Weber's, Miss Flora Zabelle, who is a decked acquisition te & company, aings of “The Girls of Forty- Nine,” and the Royal Rustlers Min- atrels strike any number of sad chords in a pathetic ballad about a lady named Sadie Ray, “The Squaw Man's Girl” is guch good, fun on the whole that there's no occa- sion for that plea on the wall, “Don’t shoot at the actor—it's the author's fault.” CHARLES DARNTON. Oo REVISED QUOTATION. This world 18 all a holy show Of man as folly’s double; agent, Miss Dressler 1s true to her art if not to herself. There js am extra-dry bitterness in ‘The Girl's" words, how- ever, when, upon learning the worst, To part him from his money eo, The grafters come, the grafters ' go, ‘There's wotning? sure but trouble, —Baltimore American, ~ Out of the Mouths of Babes. What oo 1ld be more simple or more eplendily direct as a compliment ta a pretty girl that the small boy's admiring question, “Are your eyes new ones?” No "grown-up" petion could havo thought of that. one that chews her cubs'’—there might As for definitions, no dictionary has movable feast—a picnic.” “A ruminating animal is it surely be less thoughtful definitions, ever given anything better than “a Thero is a delightful note of the night nursery in the beginning of @ girl's eesay on boys: ‘The boy ts not an animal, but they can be heard to a con- siderable distance;” equalled, perhups, in its splendid simplicity by the boy's written criticism to the effect that ‘most girls are very shy and angry.” It is the directness of the description which compels attention tn vivid comments auch as. ‘‘fust before it killed me the tooth came out,” and nothing surely could be more Johnsonian In {ts absolute truth than the answer given to the painstaking schoolmaster trying to make the class understand what might be meant by the subversive word “antipodes."’ “It I bored a hole right through the earth “(1 I creme out at the other aide, where should I be?" “Oft yer head! You can't do !t!''—Spectator. EN May Manton’'s ber of an atrociously wealthy New York family, receives @ bunch of ex- actly 100 sprigs of lily of the valley very morning- They come from a New York florist and must be delivered to her in her bedroom before 7.80 In the morning, From the bunch she takes out five sprigs, which she places in her hafr, and the rest shoe throws with her own hands from the window of her dressing-room on to the lawn. Why this ts done no one knows, and she never wears lilies of the valley except at breakfast. Miss Giulia, Morosini’s tad ts te drive three horses abreast to her magnificent equipeges, Daily Fashions, OTHING takes the place of the saltor sult for girls of fourteen and under. It is always becoming, al- ways attractive, always Useful, and should be included in every ward- Tobe. This one Is made of blue serge, with a shield of white and trimming of blue braid, but will be found an excellent model for linen, chambray and the Mike of the warm Weather, as well as for the wool materials of the immediate present, The little blouse - Is made in the regulation style, wih the applied yoke at front and back and with the gaflor cole jar that ts so generafly becoming to youthtul figures, The akttt fs box plaited and genem ously full, ‘The quantity of ma terial required for the \ medgium size (12 years) Js 71-2 yards 27, 619 yards 96 or 41-2 yards 41 Inches wids, with Bb yard any width for the shield, 1-2 yard width for the tle ane yards of brald to as illustrated, Py Pattern 6296 fs cut in sixes for girls of & 10, 12 and 14 years of axe. Call or send by mail to THE EVENING WQRLD MAY TON FASHION BUREAU, No, 21 Weat Twenty-third street, 306k, Send ten cents tn coin or stampe for each pattern ‘These IMPORTANT—Write your name ang eddrems plaisty, and