The evening world. Newspaper, February 15, 1906, Page 15

LETTERS OF A SUCCESSFUL SUBPOENA DODGER TO HIS SON By Roy L. McCardell. Palm Beach, Fla., The Other Day. Y Dear John: I take it most unkind that you should IM send me clippings from newspapers about an alji- gator being seen on the beach here, scaring every- body, and the pencil annotations “Ah, there! Stay there!" ‘True, I am here incognito, but {s there any semblance of a saurian about me? I have been called an octopus for many years, but I won't stand for this alligator allusion. No, not even if you were to allude to mo as an amiable you cast upon that plastic and absorbent apticle, the ‘sponge, {n a recent address to your Bible class. You sald “Don't be Ike a sponge!” Why not? Think of all the water a sponge will hold! Where would we be if we hadn’t cast water upon our oil? Any news of that Attorney-General from “Missouri? Say, is he from ft. Louis? Is that his town? What 1s he bothering me about? I never did anything to his town, Does he think I am the man Mark Twain wrote about—"The Man Who Corrupted Hadleyburg?” My son, it {s simply pes- {iferous the way your dear old dad fs annoyed! That Ida Tarbell started {t, Lawson took it up, and now the penny press bothers the life out of me. % doula have stood for that, but when the subpoena-servers got on my trall I.umade myself hard to catch. I saw by the papers that I was thought to he-on young Rogers's yacht, the Diana. I saw one newspaper article that was headed “Jou D. Ina Plrate’s Lali I read it to see how they had it doped out that I was still at No. 26 Broadway, and, whaf do you think? It wasn't that at all. It was figured that I was on the Diana anchored in & cove of one of the Caribbean Islands that Morgan (not dear old, kind old, weet old J. Plerp., but the elder buccaneer of the name) used as headquar- ters. What rot! Bnt this Palth Beach ts all right, all right. These Florida hotels cannot he styled ‘pirates’ lairs,"" but they are certainly the strongholds of robber barons. But don't you care, They sll belong to Flagler. He's one of our set. He's a Standard Oiler. He owns all the hotels down here, all the rall- toads and the Legislature. The Fiorlda Legislature {s a poor asset. In {a no Florida Water in Florida other - than the same barbershop vartety we can get at home. I always used to think it was a product of the Florida everglades and that I could see it bottled at the springs. Tf you order Florida Water in Florida after a hair-cut they omy rub {t fm on you. They don't rub it in on me. I found out long ago that a hatr- cut wasn't a permanent operation. It was a constant expense, so I stopped cutting it off and cut It out. Maybe that is the reason that in spite of the q@Vious and of enemies, not a hair of my head has been touched. You are stil] the only heir I have. Gather the Bible class around you, and tell them that the falsehoods of the common people are lies, but fibs about father are only evasions. Give them good advice and ice-water. Don’t forget that everybody works for ther, even the subpoerta-servers. Your Artful Dodger Dad, of JOHN D. THE GIRL FROM KANSAS. rd os By Alice Rohe. a sa UT JN CLE sas. !8 8 Wall street broker, and you cart PAR puUR., keep him from talking about hie seat i DY ana|on the Stock Exchange. Clarence is a grand talker, but James Van Orden Smith says the only seat he ever had in the vicinity ef the Exchange must have been on the curb. Amyway, Unele Jaspar was all agog when Clarence began to talk. “When Uncle came home last night he was suying things no perfect gentle- man would even think of. “‘Lots your Mr. Lightweight knows about stock!’ he snorted. ‘Why, there ‘wasn't anything in sight but @ lot of screaming lunatics, tearing around Ike Comanche Indians, I looked around everywhere to see them watering the ‘stock, but there wasn’t so much as an Alderney calf drinking out of @ woolen tub, There wasn't a trough in sight except some marble fountain looking things and the only ones drinking out of them was the Comanche Imltans when they got dance.’ "* “Uncte's so dlagusted. York is the biggest fraud game he ever ran up against. If there was anything he would love to have seen it was @ good high-class stock exhipit with im- proved methods of watering stock, everything un to date. Who ever heard of keeping stock in a white marble building with scandalously attired orea- tures standing en the top: “You say you've heard all this in vau- deville? T don’t see how that's possible. Uncle Jasper only struck town last week." Aunt Cyrena are here on a visit,” sald the Girl trom Kansas, “It's their golden wedding an- niversary celebra- tion, and it's the first time ether one of them has ever been further east than Topeka in their lives, Clar- ence Lightweight ; was calling on Daisy the afiermoon Jaspar Purdy, Esq,, and wife struck town, Clarence —— A Horrible Example. nt, my man? w—To give plove folks @omething to crow over, I want to chide you also for the stigma | ew York it wouldn't even be listed on the curb. Another thing; there through doing a war | He says New) IT OTR PP une I It cost"— Wiltte. sent Mag! “Dye seen st, She sent ft to Bobby and His Books SWAKE. 17 Wie ARS. — FINGER The Evening World's Home Magazine, Thursday Evening, February : 13 . “1906. Ae F SUPP Ose Taig wie aE A COTrow AL He Spends an Exciting Day With Old UNCLE REMUS. YAS, MARSE Bossy, we wile COTE 06 DiS ‘Is dt hard work writin’ valentines, EddieT’ | Jones. “Well, I guess yen! Why, I've been over three hours tryin’ to git a wold wotll The INGLE REM / 704 AFRAID YOUR Purtine uP To | OO pz ome Cf fe — — ‘The Carrier—Nothin' fer Mim Mary ‘Lady—Oh, there MUST be! I saw |Josnnte Jinks ‘pricin’ valentines only yeatiddy! rhyme wit’ ‘Gladys!’ " JEALOUS WIVES. By Nixola Greeley-Smith. Mi only true test of a sense of humor {s the ablity " I to see the point of a joke at one’s own expense. Not| oe many women haye it. but the other day a young news-| paper woman told me a story that left no doubt at ail in| my mind that she was among the number, “You know," she said, “two years ago I was sent to inter- view old Mra, Blank (mother of a Iightwetght champion of she ning) on her son's defeat, She lives in a Iittle wooden \ouse with a large yard lined with hen houses, and she was sathering oggs and placing them in two vegetable dishes when I opened the gate’and walked in. The old lady's fame | 1s a termagant was known far and wide in her nelghbor- ood, but, unfortunately, I didn't know it. It was a couple; s{ days after the fight and the wale the whole family had eon baving over tho ex-champion’s detent had deft her with | vhat 1 believe 4# called technically a hold-over jag of large | = eroportioni ° ia fs “"T have no.son,' ehe sald, when I mentioned my errand— Rg pon.at all.. I've nothing in the world but the chickens and me eggs. Lave me alone!’ and as her alshes were both full walked into the house. While I stood wondering whether to go away or follow her to the touse, the most brulged and battered individual I had ever beheld—a man whose faco bore a ralnbow of bruises crossod by a lattice work of court-plaster strips—came in the ato and announced himself as the termayant’s second husband. “Ll may not be.as.yenteel as you, young lady, but I'm more gentee) than her, though you may not knuw it by the looks of me, But last night, as I was lay- 4g dead drunk on the sofa, she and her son laid hold of me and done me up." “But just as he was growing eloquent over ‘his wounds, re-enter from the use his terrible bride with two empty dishes in her hand. ercelving her husband talking to me, whe made one wild rush, threw one , Gm ot.him and the other ofter my rapidly retreating figure, But that wasn't all. ‘The other day another newspaper woman caught ¢he old lady in a sober moment, fMd she said; ‘I didn't like that Jast woman they sent over here, She was one Of thim kind that, maises their eyes to men. She tried to filr-r-rt with amp Bus- band! Think of 4t, Poor Mittle me!” Here is the Indicrous aspect of @ very unpleasant phase of feminine mature. . know of no sensation more uncomfortable than that of meeting the husband ‘with ‘the jealous wife, who keeps her eyes glued on him incessantly while he tiling to you, Who so impresses her fear of suspicion on you that you alt in your chdir rigidly, like @ jointed doll, and answer his remarks in monoxy!- les, knowing all the While that the wifely gaze 1s on you, and that, Hke the 0 HOME HINTS. Orange Sherbet. IX oranges, two lemons, three pints milk, half pint cream. Sweeten to taste. Freeze same as ice cream. Lemon Pie. NE cup sugar, one lemon, one egg, one-quarter cup milk, one-half cracker rolled fine, small plece butter, one large spoon flour. Grate | the rind; bake with two crusts, tin measuring cup. Shortcake Dip. (=: quart flour, 3 teaspoons baking powder, little salt, butter size of an ese. Wet with milk or water to soft dough, roll out, cut in eqrares and bake. For the dip: One quat. milk, 2 tablespoons flour, good sized plece of butter, boll 2 or 3 minutes; split the cakes and put into dip; when soaked them, Crab a la Creole, OML the crabs in saic was ted. Remove from the fire, want pie aside, Brown over fire one small onion in oné tablespoontul of butter, gtr 1 ‘one tablespoontul of flour, and whe thoroughly browned add one cupful o hot water and one can of tomatoes, Sea son with salt, pepper, cayenne pepper ‘one saltspoonful sugar and one table spoonful tomato catsup. Boll this mix ture until it Is thick, then add crab meat and let cook a few minutes. Serv hot on a platter lined wit} toast, al lowing one alice of toast for each per Prize-fehter's mother, sho will surmise that you ure planning an elopement if ‘Bm hit the conversation from the ; | through put in a dish and pour dip over | out the meat carefully and se! | | PAGE Lop Sy Eoireo °F sg -SHITH A\Nixona GREE! BETTY’S BALM FOR LOVERS te feet All perplexed young people can ob- tain expert advice on thelr tangled love affairs by writing Betty. Let- ters for should ‘be addressed to BETTY. Evening World, Post-Office box 1,34, New York. He Only Wrote Once a Week. Dear Betty: I HAVE: been receiving the attention of a gentleman who called on me once nearly every week for two months, and took ‘me to a great many Iam a. book- wages and dress places of amusement. Ireaner and varn he a When I came home [ neither him nor saw he ga . 2 : recognize him in ere I am employed there ls another gentleman who fs very devoted, but TI don't care for him as much as the other, cs AOL. Son't send for your picture, and be j B as ni~ to the man when you meet him as yCu ever were. One letter in a week ty doing very well, Take all the proper attention you oan get from aa many nico men aa offer It to you, You can be eure they do the same. But don't give up the first man 90 long as you love him, and don't encourage the others too much. A Foolish Adventure. Dean Beity: me. rd front know for it and should 1 case wo ment. ‘soon be WILL eighteen years old and have not it company with any one ag vet, I mt pot acquatnt- ed ith a very nim “fumost ‘every spoken quite a few times, Do you think he could learn to love me, oF, am de- formed a little. He has ‘written me & very nice letter and has also sent me $wo conical postal cards, which [ did not cate for, He asked ine for m: te and T gave & I Kea him many times for hia, but he 8 ag if jie des ast want te give it to me. From what T near T think he has a girl of nis own, Do you thiye | A win his low? 1M I gather [rom your letter that you have let a young man “pick you up,” since you don’t know his name, This to him. , Was very foolfsh, to say the least, and you ought to drop his acquaintance. If he cares for you he will seek a way of making your acquaintance legitimately. °| An Up-State Lover. Dear Betty: AM a young ‘girl of seventeen and ve here tn the city, I have been corresponding with & young man whiy lives up the State. Wihere he lives Ia young itl whom he takes out, Ho has told me he Iikes me better but only takes her out because I am not there. Now, I would like to know | it Tam doing right by writing to him T tke the young man very much. A Write to him it you lke, but don't fall in love with him if you can help BEAUTY HINTS. By Margaret HubbardAyer Mustache Grower. A, W.—This Is conducive ty the growth o half ounce; ofl o lavender, of! of rose ag, be away with @ neutral soap and warm water, It may be used as long as re- quired, For the Hair. S E. M.—Yes, the chamomile appli- cation {8 the final one after the hair has been washed and dried, ‘The hatr ts simply washed in the herd and left to dry, Peroxide Bleach. M.-If ¢he superfluous hair ts not S particularly noticeable I would Je not botter about !t. The peroxide Wioweh wil do no harm tf you wish 09 use It 80 often as has been desert Ughtens tho hair and finally destroys constitution, Sunday World Wants it. The odds are alwaya in favor of the girl on the ground, Work Monday Wonders ‘T paya to be patriotic. That nervy I young — jack-of-all-theatrical-trades. Mr, George M. Cohan, found this out with “Little Johnny Jones.” and now, with a keen eye to business, ine has gono in for being the son of his country. Patriotism in business isn't exactly a new idea, Manufacturers of tooth paste, baking powder, playing cards and other household necessities followed the fing unul A grieved government stopped thom. But the manufacturer of plays is Not confroited by any such abstaclo. Nothing can stop him, Young Mr. Cohan loves his flag and his country In every Mne, andes a re- wud "George Washington, Jr., is @ red- Wiite-and-blue muccesa. He has been wise enough to see that practical pa- trictism 1s as good as United States at the Herald Square The- atre fsn’t exeictly an historical play. It is a medern improvement upon that stickler for truth whose birthday we will celebrate by knocking off work on the 24. In ft Mr. Cohan gives threo cheers for himself and a kind word for the other George, “George Washington, Jr,” won't make history, but it will make money, which is 4 much handier thing to have about the house, The plot is as simple as AB ©, though not quite so chaste. When he arrives at the age of twenty- one George Belgrave tells his father to “Twenty-three,” and this, tt Js needless to adit, wouldn't look well in a First or Second Reader, When George's rich but dishonest Parent Informs him that he has chosen a wife for him, a lady of the- English nobility no less, the undutiful son kicks over the traces and gives father to un- derstand that he has reached the age where he no longer “rolls hoop, jumps rope or speaks pleces in the parlor,” He will choose his own wife, and he al- ready has hig eye on a Southern girl who he thinks will answer the pur- ose very well. Pather apeaks right up and says he wili no longer be a father to George In that case. ‘This is where the red light Ulumtnates plot. ‘he only father I know,’ declaims the deflant George, “1s the father of my country. I'll take his name!" ‘This christening {s sanctioned by loud applause. George, however, doesn't desert his father, who is a Senator, and therefore needs protection. The Wnglish lady and her brother have interrogation points after thelr names on the programme, and although Georgs has no programme to guide him he guesses that thay are part of @ plot to land father in the penitentiary. This plot bas been ar- ranged by ® sanct!monious Genator, who {a determined to put George's father where he belongs. The plan is to trap the ambitious Belgrave by getting him to turn over certain inertminating bonds with which be 1s to buy: the English lady for himself now that George won't have her. But, thanks to Georgete won- derful intuition, nobody ‘works’ father. ‘The interrogation point turns and re- veals the putative English pair to bi detectives in the employ of the sanctl- montous Senator, who, aside from his oraving for reform and retribution, has a naturally sweet disposition. He seems quite out of place in Washington, t ‘George Washington, Jr.,” a Red- White-and-Blue Success. Aside trom looking after his father— and it {s his father who plays Bev’ grave—young Mr. Cohan finds time ta! sing through his nose and dance as only he can dance, His principal Achievement in this line is @ slangy tribute to “The Grand Old Rag,” dur- ing which he waves a torn and tat= tered banner brought on by @. A. R. gentlemen of the chorus. It'a a song after his own style and rouses more enthttsiaam than ‘a Fourth of July speech at Tammany Hall, Later on Mr, ' Cohan braves a stage snowstorm sing of what might happen “If Wash“ f UNDER THE GRAND OLD RAG THE GRAND OLO RAG pate & &7 SE ~ COHAN —_— George M. Cohan as George Washington, Jr. Mr. ington Came to Life," which hits many & nail on the head. Singing in a snows storm 1s the funniest {dea In the play; but {it does seem like usurping the rights of the voor, homeless heroine who has ao loved to suffer there, : Miss Ethel Levey takes advantage of better weather to sing and dance with Mr. Cohan. At other times she is busy trying to keep a Southern accent on the right side of Mason and Dixon's Une. Eugene O'Rourke has the same dimMculty as the sanctimonious Senator from Virginia. Harry Montgomery as an old darky 4n the “acorn business" at Mount Ver- non Is very amusing, and Miss Truly Shattuck ts as gorgeous as a peacocle in the role of the aristocratic “lady de- fective." Jerry J, Cohan seems as in- nocent es Rockefeller despite: wha’ tainted money of Senator Belgrave, and Mrs. Helen F. Cohan as the Senator's widowed but hopeful sister completes the pleasant family circle. A chorus that knows what It's about and can look a camera In the faco without blushing for itself figures in several clever songa and dances, It 1m wate to say the decidedly enter taining “George Washington, Jr,’ will Ive to celebrate several birthdays of his own, CHARLES DARNTON. “Thousand ani One Nights."’ and with another word he can make Strangest Freak of Science. ‘T is generally supposed that Prof, Garner is the first man to study what has, come to be called the speech of monkeys. As a matter of fact, the honor4 belongs to Sir Richard Burton, the famous orientalist, who translated th Lady Burton tells in her biography of her diss, tinguished husband that Sir Richard believed firmly in monkey speech; that he, had forty apes continually with him for several years, and that he had written down a monkey vocabulary of sixty words. This vocabulary, unfortunately, lost. Prof, Garner can make @ strange monkey drink by saying a certain {t eat, and with another word he cam, frighten {t But Str Richard Burton could do all these things, too, His lary, furthermore, was larger than Prof. Garner's. German eclentist, is in hearty sympathy with the study of the monkey lam guage. He saya he pelieves firmly that such language exists. Ernst Haeckel, the May Manton's Daily Fashions, HATE VER W hesitancy women may eel abour Hhpire styles for gowns of @ more formal sort they mest with ready acceptance for those of home wear. Illustrated 1s vone of the simplest and best models that yet have @p- peared, which can be made javailadle for various times and various uses, When it t made from @impke pash- mere or chiallle it becomes adapted to morning wear, While if some pretty flowered silk de used it Ja quite suffictently dressy for the afternoon tea hour, Again, there cau be a high or slightly open neck and elbow or sleeves, 80 almost every ble require 1s provided In the tlus- tration a prettily figurea chullie 1s trimmed with band- ing, and is held at the ¢édge of the short waist mith folds. of ribbon, finished with rosette and long ends yards 36 or 61-2 yards 44 Inches wide Pattern 5278 |s cut In sizes for a 3, | How to Obtain Th TON FASHION BUREAU ways specify sige wanted, Patterns Call or send by mali to THE EVE? iurk, Bend tea cents in coin or stamps for each pattera oraerea, IMPORTANT—Write your name and edrese piminiy, and ad ‘ Empire House Gown—Pattern No. 5276. The quantity of material required for the medium size 1s 91-2 yards M1, 81-3 4, 25, 88 and 40-inch bust measure, NG WORLD MAY MAN- No. 21 Weat Twenty-third steset, New esl See ecebalite! | -]