The evening world. Newspaper, January 20, 1906, Page 9

To ven RY tai! it ou on your nerves,” said the Chorus Girl; “I'm having e musical show written for me to star in, and it’s no bunk! “who's it by? = Why, Gagger and Shine, of course. , if any- ody else got a production what wotild become of the show business? “Of course all of Gagger and Shine's chows have been failures, ‘Dut that’s the fault of the public, Say, what's the matter with the public? Gagger and Shine eay it’s disgusting to watch the public sitting out in front like a lot of coffin trimmers end come of.the best wheezes that | Were sure-fire for forty years never get a hand. “And the critics. Say, them critics @ught ‘to be given the third-raii jolt! “Do they realize that the managers | has spent thousand and thousands of dollars, and come of the managers fre intelligent people that can read and write if the print js large and no words is rung in on them that they don't understand? “The way them critics pan an actor ts something awful, and they don't mre what they say about a lady, either. It’s no wonder they're get- ting barred out. They've got a nerve, coming to a show and given free seats—on the aisle, too—and then; rushing cut after the second act and give everything the grill till they're florid in the face! “Them ¢ritics sure has the mean @ipposition, Actors will always give you a good hand. Why, you're eure of a reception at a professional mat- inee, even if they do go out and say it’s a rotten show afterwards, but that’s not for publication. “I know what's the matter with them wewepaper critics—they've writ- ten pieces themselves, but can’t get Me and the Su Roy L. McCardell’s CHORUS a Wustrated by Gene Carr. } | them put on because Gagger and Bhine have the call. That's why they’re sore. I ain't going to let a critic in when I produce mine; I'm going to have the press agent mani- fold a glowing account of ite sure and Instantaneous success and send it to the papers before the perform- ance, just as they telegraph fn to the New York papers how we drive them wild in New Haven when a show's tried on the dog. “I've got four songs that’s sure to send them away whistling, because. they are written exuctly like the four aed per: A Grouch. By Albert Payson Terhune. HE 6uper he gets down at ten, And I get down at eight, T And yet (you'll think I'm aidain'!) he Is drawin’ bigger pay than me! ‘The Super leafs about all da ! y Impaired Voltage. Eleotrit Light isn't yuus evening. parkln, old flame ents his ; and aie fumed him down nigh Jost And sees that we keep ousy. Gosh! If he hustled ‘round the way T have to, he'd get dizzy! He boats, I work. I'd Uke to know Why HE should gobble all the dough. The Guper smokes big black cigars; He smokes all day; and yet He oailed ME dowa, to beat the cars, For emokin’ a cigarette, He made me throw away the lot: A nickel's worth! Gee, I was hot! The 6uper's got a roil-top, too; And I must keep it neat, When buyers happen into view He airks ‘em out to ot. | While I—the best boy in the bunch— Get fifteen minut¢s for my lunch. The Super thought that no one knew He's “‘soldiering” so hand. I thought a timely word or two Might put htm on his guard. So when he strolled in, late, this morn- ing, T handed him e friendly warning. I said to him: ‘You great big fake! Wour joafin’ makes me tirea!"’ ‘The only comeback he could mako Was: “Fogarty, you're fired!" ‘WHI I stand for suoh back talk? Nit! Say! I've a biam:d good mind to quilt! ISIEAIR Men Who Have S$ wallowed Clocks.| By Nixola Greeley-Smith. “Well, he says, “you don't understand me, Emma dear. “I'm a regular hetl-raiser, and we nover could get along.”—Miss Emma Huber’s Diary, promise. I don't know wan and blue-eyed. be dangering ‘her loyal! hia pow I.never met & man yet who proclaimed fimesif in the hell-raising class with whom an e1 shipwrecked indefinitely on a de: There {s nothing quite so tame as a self-made ‘sport.’ ‘The man of my acquaintance who seems most confident of er over women and thelr charm for him looks about O runs a brief extract from the diary of a young woman now sulng a widower with two ohlld mn for breach of what this particular salf-styled “hell- raiser” locks i/ke, but {f he resembles all the others I haye seen or heard of he is a9 mild @ mannered man as ever weighed u drug or sold @ ribbon, and he may be blond, aged woman might no! ¢ island without en ity to her flance, like @ “spirit” photograph and has as much magnétiam as a box of oatmeal, He and ts prototypes consider it ‘‘devil~ tan" to when you refer casually to the purchase of @ pair of shoes that he Wishes peag ets been the clerk who tried them on, and because you think him wo harmless and ridiculous to suppress goes his way feeling like @ conquering ire “He Goes not seem to realize that where women are concerned the firet essential of @ conquering hero ie gumahoes. Tho eelf-styled “hell-raiser”’ to lik that ‘erocodile in “Peter Pan,” who swallowed one of Hook the pirate’: hande, but could never gratify this taste for the other because Iv had subsequedily | the ewallowed a clook that ticked Hook a warning every timo the payee ‘approached. ‘with every boastful word. ‘The French expreasion which “Jeater of hearts.” So that makes the only reagon that so many of our Homie-Made Night Light. cage of sickness whore @ dul lent Yequired, put finely walt n @ candle till tt reaches the In this way a In 4uat the same way the vainglorious man ticks sefety to the corresponds to one lady killer or Don Juan ts ‘tha orocodile simile more apt than ever. And hearts have not been gobbled ts that there fs such a quantity of men who, lke the crocodile, have swallowed clocks, eC. a susceptible vex Use for Stale Bread, AVE the dices of bread mot exten at Saturday Evening, Jonu ae OLD MAN Mo) TON. DOPE B ZINSHEIMER, puzzled it takes It as an insult to ee ee publishing houses. intelligence. [you do that the only bunch that will Songs that are hits and are like the four songs that were hits last season, that they can whistle them right off,/resentatives encourage the aud! provided you have about a dozen goud | to hiss after the twelfth encore. whistlers hired to lead off in the gal-| gct one musical publishing house, and lery. only have them and their employees “Another thing, we ain't going to! ‘to applaud a song; it's safer. split the songs up among five or six) “Of course, as I said, Dopey fs the the Chain- real composer, but Shine has to watch him so careful, because if he don’t Dopey will be running in something original, and {f you give the public something original it elts up puzzled, and when an audience thinks it's WILLIE WARBLER, & ‘& & wr for th kt ld Colonel Sie: “uns a sassiety dolonel! If France As penance Por eueling Hes getting a Geeueling That tiles him to angee infolonel. Will see ao For Bin Before this woeld we live in was begun. Ss T guess that must be true because were told That every one of theie canals is dove. | * MAMMA DE BRAN “Old King Flapdoodle wants the Princess to marry a Prince she’s never saw. I can't tell you more of the pilot, because it is so original Gagger and Shine are arid somebody will steal it."—The Chorus Girl. Because if! real composer, because Gagger and Shine knows| “What the public wants in a°mu-/stamp for a song is the bunch from) bad that he's always stealing his own what the public wants. sical show is catchy airs, and catchy) |that song's particular publishing | songs; but he’s a good business man, “Of course Dopey MdKnight is the|airs is them that they know so well| house, and the other publishers’ rep-| and before anybody else knows they 0,| IHT. THE CHORUS GIRL. ‘because Shine only plays by ear and his memory Is 60 have a real hit Gagger can get five songs just like it out In professional-| lisoites shape and have an ad. in the} Clipper, ‘Song Pirates, Take Warn- | ing “We haven't selected a nome for the Lightning Poet. The folks back in the last eour And that'll. Ob, mother turn the hose on me ham’s ringed the hose on me! “Back to the bogs'!* He's warned us hogs, »- And Bingies warning grows on me ! swats Venezuela chap un up a teee be Bill Casto. ‘he waa In the hands of the Philistines. ary 20, 1906.. Ves, Dopey MoKnighe Is Writing a Musical Show for Her to Star In; It's Sure to Be a Hit Because Everything in It Is Sure Fire Hokum. play yet, but I think we'll call it ‘The Musical Girl’ or ‘The Broadway Girl’ or ‘The Girl Who Wore the Dress,’ for you've got to get the name ‘girl’ in comewhere or the people won't know it's a first-class musical show, “Amy has got a lovely part. She leads the High School Cadets on in every act, wearing a huzzar jacket over her shoulder. Dopey suggested that it would be a great novelty if she would put her arms through the sleeves of the huzzar jacket, and Gag- ger and Shine wanted to stamp on Lo eeeeereceeeeeeneeieaen ee eR HAVE A LAUGH WITH THE FUNNY ME atledelphta Ledger Man, go to the hore this sum- mer,” gaid Meekley, “For @ long time We couldn't decide between the moun- tains and the seashore.” yho tinally decided the matter?” did. I said, ‘We'll go to the moun- taing,’ and immediately my wife went out to select @ bathing sult.” “You are a Has-Been,’ " exclaimed the young. politician, “Possibly, possibly," his aged oppon- ent returned, “but even that is tter than your role of a Never-Wil-B With such porsifiage they whiled the time until the police interfered. Chieago Tribune “Man: Delilah had aaked Samson to diaclose the secret of his strength, and at last he had told her, with the result that what one gets for telling the he reflected with Bitterness. “If ad continued to he to her, or better {f I had followed the example of my ‘friend Rogers and merely refused to onswer, I might still have been lead- Ing the strenuous life!" Whereupon he proceeded to wait for fis hair to grow again. | “I haven't anything to burn fn the of- fice stove but exchanges," said the editor of the Spiketown Blizzard. “Why don't you bring mo a load of corncob: “Because, Mr. Clugston,’ Garren the village cornsheiler, "T’ can ter by sendin coba to the eee e his slats, thing? Who ever heard of such @ “The comedian is to wear a rusty ° Princo Albert coat in one act, with a red bandanna handkerchief pinned to the tail of it. Dopoy kicksd about that, but, poor fellow! he isn’t in hig right mind; and him raised among theatrical people, too! Why, a come- dian woitld just as soon think of coming down a filght of stairs and not falling as to wear a long-tatled coat without a red handkerchief pinned to the tall of it. But Gagger and Shine know stage business and they never violate a tradition. “The big scene will be at the close of the second act, when I, as the female life insurance agent in Ga- zoozooland, take the throne in place of the rightful princess, whom I look Just exactly like, and who has eloped with the handsome’ Prince of Gas- ziailorum, the neighboring kingdom, He fs in disguise as a handsome shep- herd, because his father has disowned him because he wouldn't marry the Princess of Gazoozooland, whom he has never seen. So. as a young shep- herd, he falls in love with the reat princess, who is disguised as a pretty flower girl and has run away from her father's palace because she is or- dered to marry the Prince of Gaz- zizilorum—ain’t them funny names, sure for a scream?—whom she hag never seen, I can’t tell you any more of the plot, because it is so original that Gagger and Shine are afraid somebody will steal it. “But, as I was telling you, the great scene will be at the end of the second act, when I take the throne and Amy marches in with the huz- zars and I say, ‘And now let the revels begin!’ And ‘then everybody leaves the stage, because I won't have anybody on with me hogging my scenes, and they'll all do {t, you can’t trust nobody, and then I'll come down in the spot Ilght and give imitations of Ethel Barrymore and Maude Adams and Fay Templeton—and'you bet the show will be a four-time win- ner and there's nothing to it. “Say, come to Rector’s; old man Moneyton, who's backing the show is giving a dinner, and Gagger and Shine want to read Jn some new bits they saw at the Dewey. “Say, don® you love to dine at Rector's? The waiters treat you ag If you were an equal!” sugar factories, peey pay me more, them than you do. This js why the next issue Blizzard contained a scorching ig editorial on ‘The Intamo: ‘They Continue to 0; Manrikin—There’s that Peeping Monk again, peering in secord-story windows, RT ane |HlOMs > Pace ee NOMEN Epiveo oy NNixona GRE BETTY’S BALM FOR LOVERS. means of knowing whether the young man {s married or not. If the friends who told you so are trustworthy and |have no reason for deceiving you, you will have to beMeve &. All things ero possible in a man’s conduct. HOME HINTS. La or Pumpkin Pie. NE oup of squash or pumpkin sift: ed, 2 eggs, 1 pint milk. 6tir squash nd milk until smooth, set on back of stove to keep eed add See hd ern errmmene plexed young people oan t advice on their tani fea \ fairs by writing Betty. | ters for her should be a to | BETTS, Byenag ‘word, Post-Ofice 1,354, New piatk hartge Or aR teaspoon, fanet sn see He ds yes cin She Gives Parties to Another’ cup suger. ke with under Dear Betty: AM @1 Shredded Lathe HEN only ¢he straight edged me riety of lettuce can be procure soe me, ver I have a t; i shred it with an extremely sharp | invita him he nover appears until some= Anite of solasors for about two Inchss| body goes after him; they always finc 6 | edge, It will make n|him studying, Ho comes to ceo me quit roy “sipude te My often, but he atways sits tn the parlor aaya he loves me and pretty fringed effect, is easier to eat, |i vf king up at the oe! for an hour and wal nt, brudee the lenvos if Ut without saving @ word, he never goes atter cutting. Luncheon Oranges. RETTY luncheon oranges are mado by cutting a ptece off the top of each orange and taking out all the pulp, Cut the edge of the orange, peel in brad ape and mix the Dale wae with ehred- crcoanit 6 and Bly worl Spoon tain yeure man is alwa vited, Do you think she loves me as much as she Says under the circumstances? Also, ao Fo think it proper for her to kins y younR man even though It be New Fear’a Hve oF Now Yea that ought to prove that she loves you. She gertainly ought not to kiss other young men at any time. She Loves Two Men. Dear Betty: AMa woung | anywhere except when obliged to, be. 4 very generous and good-natured an love him very much, but do you think i would do wisely by marrying him B. 8. A., Washington, D, ie Por aasaiids He will make @ good hus- 4 ‘He Married? AM a young girl seventeen and keep company with a hand- some TOUDE E man of elshieen, lam pure me. He has gone to Rinrida for_thevginer, Thraneh fiends a tea- of sherry, oF Sreme re menthe Be'tGn End serve with e eprig of daric mreen loav ve on nthe "plate, Chicken Pie. ADE with biscuits inetead of the ‘usual crust, it is improved: by breaking open the Sscuits and ‘buttering them. There ts no better way of sensoning any gravy—as, for instance, the cream sauce on the toast—than by ‘buttering the toast the last thing, as it h into ft In Mttle irl and am. in love with two men. They both love me and [ am engaged to both. They bots have money. Will you please fell me moat to do? ars old | To Get Rid of Freckles. if tig pune insy ip eee 5 sou $ BEAUTY HINTS. | By Margaret HubbardAyer D, R.—Mas- sage which ® you pro- pose would not re- move @ single freckle, But the remedy I give you to use externally Will make the blem- ishes less conspic- uous “and perhaps remove them alto- gether: Beat the equal proportion of sweet alaiond oll, Rub upon the face at night, and after the morning bath apply this ‘lotion: Rosewater, 100 ms} borax, 6 yrame; e@piriza of camphor, 10 ram tiheture of bengoin, 5 grams, ‘Dhe latter can be used both night morning, omitting the beaten exe oll, which It fa eatd to equal in efficacy. Spots on the Fingers. NNA LOUISE—Hariening of the I wkin on hands and feet will gf erally yield to the application of olled silk to the callous epot, And if emedy I give you will relieve Boracls acid, 1 ras 20 grains; lanolin, or pr suct, 1 oypee. Apply to the sur- Cure for Pimples. W.—There is rothing that will so soon remedy pimples as the cream May Manton's Daily Rachiene Three-Pisce Skirt—P attern No. 6255. at he medium size is 7 yards 2% or 4 def ‘Phe quantity of material required fort vards 44 inches wide, Pattern No, 5255 !s cut In sines for a How (0 | SoN FASHION BUREAU. paca DMAPORTANT—' HE circular skirt in all {te Varian tlong, is one of the latest novelties of fashion, and 1s prome ised even extended vogue with the coming of spring, This one can be cut off in the becoming round length, or shorter, ard #9 made avallaple for walking, and takes moat gmce- ful end sata factory folds, while it includes @ platted gore at the fromt, which addd langely to ia distine- ton and siyle, In the itustration it is cade of broadcloth, with irimming of the me. terial, edgod whh bratd, the plaite bel stitahed fat; but It Ww! be found desirable all sulting and ski ing ae@ieriais, It varies from severe clroular skict the fact that J iPeasubic tn veeeel plaite atthe which match those the fro 22, 24, %, 28 and 20 Inch walst measure: Sail or send by mall to THE EVENING WORLD MAY Matte ‘0, 21 eat Twenty-third strest, News ork, Bend tea cents in coin or stampe for each pattems your name and e‘drans pisiniy, amd ears wr)