The evening world. Newspaper, August 19, 1905, Page 7

The Funny Phen of Their Best Chicago Tridune Man. Teacher (of his class in sooldky)— {What is the provf ‘that 0 ‘spotime is a living anime (? Young Man with the Bad Bye-A’ minh {9° living animal, Many men are sponges. Therefore a sponge is a living ‘@utmal. f ees , _ Thatructor S* pon apenka of ‘character dutlding.” ‘How. should ana go to work to build & * @haracter? Shigey Haired Young Man—Don't tick too close to your lines. Tey to _wvork in a lot of fresh gags every night, and play to the galleries, Loutsville Times Man. The boss was bending over a tabdie, looking at the directory, The new of- fice hoy s'ipped up quietly ana poked @ note Into his hand. The surprised ‘boss opened it and "Honored Bir: Yer pants is ripped. “Your wife talks well. Where 4id she gequire the faculty?” -“From constant practice.” Philadelphia Press Man. “Gee whiz!" exclaimed Lusohman, the next morning, “I haven't a cont in my pocket this morning.’’ oy ,' remarked his wife, sharply, ‘ho's to blame for that but yourself?! “I-er—think somebody else has had a hand in it.” “What sort of breakfast food do you — SS His Were Under Cover. oe Wag—Say. my little man, your trous- ats area bit large for you, eh? Boy—Yes. and your pants, must be a worse fit than rine, or you wouldn't ‘wear dat long coat ter cover ‘em up oid. (at night school)—The* les-" .| don't. take mo fotice o’ me. o 2 e America, and ‘Newest Jokes. like, Mr. Newoome?” asked Mr, ftarvem on his firet morning tn her house, “well, ma'am,” replied the new poander,.“T wouldn't mind some’ ten- derloin steak, a couple o' poached tems ‘on toast, lamb chops, fot muffins, cof- Frieud—Ah, Mrs. Jawington, Tve old ; n just heard o¢ your daughter's ‘marriage some time ago, Mrs, Jawingtén—Yes—e-hem|#he was has been divorced, (a=On, dear! By the way, who was'the happy ‘mant ope ‘Little drovs of water, Little drops of ink, Make a stock that puts the Public on the ditnk, Indlanapolls News Man. Mrs. Nurtch—I don't like tim@ there Mrs. Swollmin at all. Mr: Nurltch—Well, you ain't got to take nO notice of her. Mrs. Nurttch—But the trouble ts she “They're oft et Portemouth!* What a throb Of interest through the world then silat’ But Won't Witte have the awful job A-eMting on the peace-terms iid! , | Pittsburg Dispatch Man. Hewitt—Why dv you give me shart weight when you sell ms con? Jewltt—I try to nmke up for your long weds In paying for it Tne Preacher—You must tove, honor and obey your husband—and foll¢w iim) wherever he g0e3, | The Wife—Not me. professional diver, Boiling It Down. 6T te aos I do not wish to} ‘ty ‘husband is a} say anything harsh or un-; charitable of your Uncle/ Geoffrey,” remarked the gentle-yolced, ; chatftable mother, eccording to ,the Chicago Tribune. “wii! not go soar |as to charge iim with penuriousness, | but he certainly carries the idea cf economy to an extreme. He hesitates’ “@ "Phe Rude Reverses. of Reggie. °g RD Tek Bet fen beets L H GE°RGE, ISN'T. THIS LOVELY MAMA f35 | <eaean 3°, THATS THE LSA. to make the most trifing expenditure | }* unless assured that It will rebound ul- timately to his own financial tage, While not wishing to % 1 to him—for we ail have our? ‘weak- | nesses—I cannot refrain from. express: | jing the opinion that Le is almost too | 1, as it were, t | “Mamma, whet's the use of all that fine taik? You know as well as I do that he's a stingy, niggardly, . | shuoby, miserly, “Wack Ce ee - TOEVERY WOMAN ACCORDING TO HER NEEDS. v Bs By Margaret Hubbard Ayer. VORY woman in the world has her own particular favorite corner, times it's @ cosy arm chair, sometimes ite a hessock near a shelf of much-loved books, again it's the sunay -kitshen..window, whire\the geraniupis are blooming. To her favorite corner she tirss Hf in ber mipménts of Jelsure and Onds there what is bers by righ! ie Magazine, ‘ Saturdays LIE OTANEEEE Evenin Love Letters of To a Friend, in Which She Tella of the and said it was called your atton' AT SBA hugging the the word saflor I cannot make the thing come out, Though I have thought and thought and thought, And tried to make a careful note Of everything that I have bought. (The more I think, and think, and think, R: ‘The more in vain my brain ferments, Confound the pesky cash account! Where did I spend that thirty cents? Ten cents for ear fare—that's all right— Three dollats for a new straw het, For luncheon fifty, ehoe shine, five, Oh, hang it! yes, I've got all thatl Considering the scant supply, The treasury has too many vents It's outgo, outgo, all the time— ‘Where did f spend that thirty cents? Cigars, four-fifty, “grape Juice” ten {1 think {t had some foam on top), | Bleachers and peanuts, thirty-five, | And ven cents more for ginger Pop. Dut at!ll that haunting defielt | My deep perplexity augments, ‘What was it for?—Oh, well, here go “For foreign missions, thirty cents Somerville Journal, — A Misapplied Proverb. CERTAIN schoolmaster has con- A cluded that {t is not safe to teach proverbs to very young children. “Now, boys, always remember/" he |saia one day, “that the early bird” catches the worm.” Next morning a smal! boy toed the | Une with a tear-stained face. “What's the matter, Tommy? asked ‘the teacher according to the Chicago Tribune. “Please, sir, you eald that it was the learly bird thet got the worm.” “Well, father thrashed me!” “What for, my boy?” “Cos, sir, I let our canary out early this morning, and {t never came back with the worm.” | THERE By Roy L. McCardell. men know 1 will NEVER, NEVER, MARRY, unless—well, never . And so they PRETEND, to shun me. I have the satisfagtion of knowing I BREAK THEIR HEARTS. Do not send me bouquets or candy. would not accept gifts from any man UNLESS WE WERE ENGAGED, 1 van ‘see how dismayed you will look when you read this, I do not -wamt to: be WHOLLY HEARTLESS. Yos, YOU CAN send me flowers and candy. NOW! You men are DRBAD- FUL THINGS, you will have your own sway in hing. Do not think me cold becnuse MILIAONATRES SEDK ME IN VA It I do marry. it wit be ONLY LOVE. Yes, you MAY CALL. You were afraid to ask, fearing I would refuse, but I will permit you to call Just to show you T am not afraid ‘of you, Ever yours, ANN THAKE, P, SI will never, never, marry— unless, well, never mind? A. Tt. HOME GYMNASIUM FOR HEALTH AND SYMMETRY. For Chest And Ferearrz. : for Slender, Binal Wage Devevopernent De accomplished. EDITED Bx Betty’s Balm for Lovers. A Disavported Gerl, Dear Revty: AM seventeen, My fiance never failed I to keep an appointment until last evening. What shall I do? F. BE. K. x praia most decidedly wait until he calls, ang ‘then make him give a pretty Rood reason fo ie rrpperoacgl for his failure to keep the A Ferplexed Young Man. Dear Betty: ms to show a great ral of my friends that she loves me, , how can I explain to her that my regard for her 18 merely friendshin? CHRISTOPHER. Probably tho sirl {a not as much smite. | t. But yoi and how foo yun for doing so, Pee ee |May Manton's The bdilouse ten as you think. waret “Leap-tfog” will give poise and grace, to the body. Taking « deep breath,| continue make a short run from the farth: gorner to the stool, which should be and awin, stooit \Beauty Hints. For Tall Women. high colffure, while a mignon R. beauty will gain dignity and to pe the favortte of the {ash- world, ema to know no limit Tuus- and newest that can te | utiliged @oth for wash | materials and for sils | and wools, and which allows of many vurla- tions in the irimming. R.—Tall, women look bad with a/In this tnatance white | Mnen ts combined with handsome embroidery Most | your home wit |mut he thinks he {s:not. ite Marital Economy. Betty: HAVE $150 saved and am about to he married. I want to have a dig, wedding, but my young man says ro should buy furniture instead, We will MA D. leave It to vou ¢ decidedly you ought to furnis! ‘our mone a Will be of Bome permanent «ood to you. | An Aged Suitor of 23. | Dear Betty: I for me and she has told | wnat way could I express m: sixteen and keoping company y-thres, | mech, Ta iove to I think he is rather old far me, YELLE D, If you are only sixteen years of age ny man 1s too old for you, and there js certainly no hurry about letting Lim; of your Tove, (Jf zou 40. gualie) ‘ou are muck’; AM with a young man of two: 1 think he loves me ver him? Kno" love him, he knows it, co young to marry. Daily. Fashions. inches by having her heir dressed on the/ and the waist is un- | top of her head, poy big the trimming 1 ean be lace or banding A Depilatory. of any sort that may BADER.—Use thts for superfluous | be preferred, whiie the 4, Swphydrate of soda, 10 fitted Mning will we ine; chalk, 200 grains, Make into | found desirable for sile And wool materials, The quantity of ma- terial required for the zis. | medium sige is 3 5-4 yards 2, 3 1-4 yards 2, n| or 2 yards 44 Inches wide -with 1 yard of all-over embroiaury to trim as illustrated, bis Ne. 3,120 to out 4m sizes for a 72, 84, summer bath, | #8 4nd @ inch must doling and refreshing, je a] MAMMF | THE ING Wi vinegar, made of one- quarter ounce of ail of lavender, one-| 5 HOW ad J ; ‘ABHION BUKEAU, No. 2 W ef oll of lemon, ‘ Dhaene ptealeaeies aioe ae it { & é & 3 OE PA PEIN DRE AIT, mates | ‘anvust Breakfasts No. 4.) i ai t | fs i z ut iif 13 Ee ri ‘BEEF 53 sf Tucked Blouse Waist—Pattern No the hoes at | quarter of @ of oi} of bergamot, Gs Sta bes ate A