The evening world. Newspaper, August 15, 1905, Page 11

“ | | of A By Roy L. To a Married Friend, Telling Her How to Raise Her Children. ¥ DEAR MARGARET: Your Ict- M ter received telling mo’ that, owing to tiie Mness of six of your ton children, having no ‘agrvant, ¢leaning howe ad your husband bel: owt of employment, ‘a bedridden oi her rip obild, staying and a se x BURSTED WATDR PIPE having made your house uninhabitable, # will be im- for you TO ENTERTAIN MB | oul @he visit X proposed to make vow. : Oh, my @ear Margaret. when 1 think of YOUR HAPPY LiTTLy © Uttle place OF FOUR OWN, you ean have COMPORT and) . how I envy yout” You ‘ntsr- Neve, In consequence you GAINED A PLEASANT HOMB and eet: But I, as you know, 600) all the ‘persistent, ATTIN- TIONS OF MEN. In vain they THROW THEMSELVES AT MX FRET, besceching me .to become THEIR BRIDES! 1 TREAD upon THEIR HEARTS! “If is cruel of me; I should ‘relent, You, remember “how Mr, Grinch, the gollector for the. in- staiment house, PURSUED ME FOR YEARS after 1 ‘broke up housokeep- ing?—I saw in the papers that he was Tun over by an automobile and tad se- vere contusions—Margaret, I KNOW that: man tried SPLF-DESTRUCTION becauso I PERSISTENTLY FJ.ED FROM, HIM. No, it was not because of the few paltry dollars I may have owed his firm! But, NO MORE OF ‘THs. I wait to tell you, Margaret, that you are not doing YOUR DUTY as & mother having your CHILDREN TUL. You do not know how to RAISH CHILDREN, Let me tell you, Wake them every morning at 6, Then, after @ cold plunge dath, have them do gymnastlo excroises for an hour, ENJOIN SILENCE upon them, and any, making a re: shoult be' given & demerit mark. ‘THIS will STIMU- The Love Letters Be an) Old Maid. McCardell. ty them each a enucerful of cracked wheat-NO SUGAR. Tet them mastl- cate ft slowly, “TWENTY-FIVE MAS- TICATIONS TO A SPOONFUL, When they have finished the cracked wheat permit each to -drink ‘slowly a halt lags of water that has deen BOILED while it is yet LUKEWARM. They may. now have a half hour for CON- TEMPLATION IN SILENCE. . You will then read to them something that ‘wii be moral and improving, say “The Lives and Services of Mminent, Minis. ters.” ‘After which you will call upon each ‘mn turn TO REPMAT whet you bavé read to them by ,memory, Sti en- joining silence, ‘you will now give then thelr ‘lessons in history, @ecgraphy and Ak: sion allie seek. on Bove ®t: cise,, walking afound the yard e them a bow! of UNSWEETENED por- ridge, with STERILIZED MILK. In the afternoon take them to lectures on Muntelpal Ownership, Tariff Reform, Clyic Ethica and other BLEVATING TOPICS, ‘Then explain to them the LAWS OF water crackers or apernags they should be put to bed in HYGIDN- IC NIGHTCLOTHINS, again enjoined as to. silence. Do not allow them pillows. Tf you whl follow THESE DIREC- TIONS, Margaret, you will be SUR~ PRISED AT THE RESULTS. Let me know when the children recover, your drusband gets @ situation, you have a servant and your house is repaired and your bedriddén etht aod der orlppled shila qq eway, for I W TOU ARE DYING'TO HAVE PAY YOU A HOME, Margaret. What « pity one eo ‘happlty situated besn't the Last IDBA how to RAIGH or TAKE CARD ot her ten children. Always yours to ANN THAKE. mulde, BP. S.—iNever det your children romp or speak unless epoken to, and, remem- ber, no pillows, no candy, cake or pie and plenty of moral reading, AT. LATD THEIR PRIDE. At 6390 give Protected. Housewife—Go away, you old loafer, or I'll eet my dog on you. Willie—Bring ‘im along, madam. Just wot I'm looking fer! My dog oan lok yours any day. : B. Queries, for this department should be addressed to “Betty, fi ie 5B z 5 i TTYS_BALM FOR LOVERS Betty's Balm for ‘Lowers. _ The Helpless Rich, $6 my chegk good inthis bank?’ asked the billionpiress as she stood before, the cashier's win- Gow, accorting to the Cleveland Fiain Dealer. be ebas he crane terial aor “O, bother! Didn't you nates I in- stoped iy cating cand! wits He | i ne that Pays. the elder, who was proud prices he Febelved for his line," ‘bystander, worked . ‘ooo Hine? What do you think of there ne: "You are joking,” respo! leritation, per line?" de Shiau od 5 nde@ Dumas, | ¢ i Teeb j ‘ } i i “Mafazine, Tucedas Even x ng A =k Sirs \Cory’s Aquar No, 1—Depewicus Grabalilicue Any old $20,000 salary. This fish hai the gills and @ drooping of the dors: apust ts ium: & Queer Fish | Hav By J. Campbell Cory. ¢ i‘ A \ #No, . ove N Btamford ‘Town ‘vain 4 Fer weaty months: train, H ‘and yonea to Giten the a0 tow ‘tas Ko imaticr when Ned fetve tho. house he'd mpte tm Mire dinmoy & 4 bw ‘The train was starting townewird cuits & block OF so. Or elee Just aw ho’ qaltiod the track he'd eéo wit , sternation y *: . ’ 13% Pa i ‘That same elus¥e $10 train mnnoding from the stat One mom & wid ‘light filled bls yea; oa) neighbor heap, ‘hin ae “71 catch that trala ‘thy morning a6 Ti perish on the wayi” |. #¢ when he saw tt starting off wih valoi¢tory: troy Though ho ‘Tho train wellin the lea@ and ‘rhe brabieun ane elaiieis bro ie bral and 1 Yooked brik |i ear toring But with<« myaeal of high sped Along the ties, -At Onsbob, he Wie patching: ubs By anil a Sires Ge tere’ bien ‘ And as they sped through Greenwich flats ‘the aco. looked ite Ie flang away tiie haz and coat and with = ladsome yell xian re grabbed the piatform rafl just’as they passed tiy Now lochelle 9) Ne geubbed the rall to. awing ubourd..and thea alas! atack! > He's up end after it agaln and once more makes)a gain, > Polluting the sweet morning alr with rhupwodies profane, 9). ‘ ‘Tis Pelham now; the train caught! ‘Past arevhie pains and fears! 4 Mo nant into » smoker seat ‘mid wild, ~ eostatlo cheers. “Ticketi* “the stern conductor shouts; ~ than came the pluintivo note: 3 “My ooat's somowhere along the track! My tloket's In my coat!" ‘The train slowed down with Jat and thud and searouly had it stopped, When down the platform's steps that poor commuter man was dropped. And as he plodded Stamfsraward he eotned ‘this thought sublime “alas! ‘Tis commutation thut Is the thief of thc!" A Cyclone or Two, through a oyelone or two, ani J don’t hanker after any mars." “Can you give us any particulars about them’? was asked, according to |", were left in the tree top? dJokundus, or “L as. sheen much di a! fins the Airy Waggler. Habitat: All public assembiles where thore Is something good to eat. Balt: sed of late. Under such conditions its usual sleck appearance Is marred by pink spots about drial oe Have “Your friend MeWhilligan walks with 2 slight limp. Ono of his lea Is shorter ‘han the other Isn't. it?” “No; I wouldn't put it:that way. One Jeg 1s longer than the other. He's the futher of five or six marringtal daugtters and has a boy in oolleg oe 8 “It's wondortul,” said Uncle ATlea “For constructing railways,” wag the| Sparks, ‘‘to see what can ibe done with i H ule pert ak Hf lf 3: EH 2 2 i 3 il, 5 e Fg g 34 Ke &. & ¥ z f E 3: i 2 i i a2 2 te: ; a2 g"giets i ‘water power these days. I know a mas a Laugh with the Funny Men. you would give your life for me. ‘when he is merely = cow-cateber, tp Benham—That was when I was sick|/keep the track clear and rective the bumps.” with s mule and’— 2 “Please don't press me, sir.” “Bur can't I ask you how you got down?” : “Oh, yes you can ask that and wel- come, and I'll answer you that some fellera came along and the tree down, T thought you was going to sk} parmer Cobb—Bay, méssenger me tf the wind blew my hatbend off, |nave you seen my nephew ‘John Jt and if I ever recovered it again, A lik : that’s @ question I hain’t going to an- swer for anybody.” over in the next county, the stinglest man that ever lived, but his wife can get anyching she wants from him by doing a little judicious weeping.” and expected to die, anyway. ° Washington Star. Man. Philadelphia Press Man. “Why do you put that young man for-| Mra, Meiaprep—Did you hear about ward so prominently?" asked the politl-| that poor man’s accident while shevin'? clan. “Do you think he is qualified to| It was an awful cat's thrope. be ‘a leader in: public aftaina?”’ ‘Mrs, Browne (laughing\—An awful “No,” answered Senator Sorghum. | what? sae “Sometithes a man. to the front un-| Mrs. Malaprop—Ob, it’s no loughin’ der the impression that he is @ leader, | matter, He cnt his Jocular veln. Pittsburg Despatch Man, She—People do not often marry thelr first loves, ~ He—No, not often. Alt Jeast. not more than once, Pra see Mim |‘ Benham—You, used to aay that (TS May Manton's Daily |. ‘The season of school ( days will shortly be at hand, and wise mothers » are already preparing for tt. Dustrated is a most, Fashions, both to ¢he washable, fabrics that will be nepded for the first few weeks and for the ght. weight wools which will be in demand with the coming of the cooler, Weather, but which is abowa in blue cham- bray, with yokes of ip bfre tp mo longer to be de- aired pretty silks, § Ne ie ae ee EE ts